Thank you for the reviews.

So... are things getting back to normal? (And yes, the BSL scene in the last chapter was the one that I talked about on Twitter.)

Getting Back To Normal

"I am listening."

Rachel smiled as she finished making their bed. She knew that they could have stayed at Jane and Sally's for longer but it seemed like all four of them were ready to go back to their own beds. She had managed to busy herself by changing all the sheets and trying to put everything back where it was meant to be after the police searched the house.

She knew that she had more to find out about in the five weeks that she had been away from them and she knew that Eddie had a lot to find out about what she had been through. Although he knew the worst thing that had happened to her.

"Are we bringing everything back then?" She said as she turned to him. "Soppy sod, Mr Mason, I am listening?"

"I think we are only bringing back Mr Mason."

"It was easier then, wasn't it?"

"Easier? Simpler? I don't think that we were made for that life." He smiled at her. "I just thought you might need to hear it, that's all."

"Eddie."

"And I know you are going back to work next Monday. And I know that I could just allow you to throw yourself back into your work to forget as you have done in the past but I don't think it will do you any good. So I need to remind you that I am by your side, like I have always been."

"Always next to me?"

"And you can always count on me."

She bit her lip as she thought about how she was going to word it.

"I think… I would have been fine if Adam." She stopped and sighed. "I told Danny that I couldn't break my marriage vows and I tried to tell Adam that. I… It isn't you, Eddie. I just feel as… dirty as I did back then. When I did use to sleep with married men for money."

"Do you want me to sleep in the spare room then?"

"Eddie, I've spent five weeks away from you. I am exhausted as must you be. I don't want to be on my own."

"I just…"

"I know. And I have had nightmares while I've been away. I hope you will stop them. I meant what I said last night. I want you to comfort me."

"Then come here."

She knew that he meant it in a way that he didn't want to be rejected if she woke up and forgot where she was or if she had a nightmare and thought that he wasn't him. She knew that she would tense up as he wrapped his arms around her but, as she rested her cheek against his and slid her hands up his back to hold onto his shoulders, she knew that she could have done this the night before. Because Eddie was never going to harm her. He would harm himself before he harmed her. The comfort that he always gave her was still there. She still felt safe with Eddie Lawson.

"Have you spoken to Kiera?" He asked.

"I had to. She heard us last night."

"How much did she hear?"

"About us talking about getting through it together. I haven't told her. It isn't for her to know." Rachel paused. "But she did mention that Kim told her about your postnatal depression because she was worried that you were low. She told me that she was there when Danny explained everything to you. The snitches get stitches and all that."

"She seemed horrified by that."

"I did then tell her about the gun and why Danny was in prison in the first place."

She was slightly surprised when Eddie pulled back.

"That reminds me." He said as he got a bit of paper out of his pocket. "Our daughter showing us that she is my daughter. It isn't her handwriting but she was the brains behind the idea."

She took the note of him and unfolded it and read it out loud

"'Dad, don't worry about being Mum. Because she is Mum. She is meant to know everything. Be you so we can muddle through this together.'"

"They left things in my pigeonhole and on your desk. Quotes, little reminders. I once returned after lunch to a snowdrop on the desk. Apparently it means hope. I definitely understood why you were so excited to come into work when I was doing it."

"A Lawson through and through. Like what I thought when I saw Michael and he looked me up and down to see if I was hurt."

"I don't think Alison will forgive me anytime soon for that. I didn't even want him to do it and then he came out with this great long speech about everything he was thankful for because of you and then I just couldn't not let him do it." He paused. "Although, I did find out what he has been bullied for his whole secondary experience because I am his dad and you are his step-mum."

"Really? Why didn't he say anything?"

"Which is what I said and then I was reminded that he was being bullied for his dad and step-mum being the deputy and the head, who if he told would have gotten them into trouble. I only found out because he was involved in a fight with said bully because he was picking on Kiera."

"Definitely another Lawson. At least we do know that they are your kids."

She did think that it would take longer for her to be completely and utterly content with Eddie again. It probably just proved how right they were for each other that she could go through everything and still be completely and utterly content with the man that she asked to be her husband.

He rested his forehead against hers and she knew that they were back to cuddling. Not that she minded that at all.

"Are you sure you want to go back to work after half term?" He whispered.

"I don't want to be stuck here all day by myself. I've spent too much time by myself recently."

"Okay."

"And I need to talk to Kim. Talk to her about getting someone for me to talk to. Because I am not breaking. Not again."

"Okay."

"And I promise that I will come to you or Kim or Chris if I am not coping."

"If you don't want to be here by yourself, I don't expect that you are going to spend much time in your office then."

She laughed. "I probably will. In the state that you would have left it in."

"I don't think it is in a bad state."

"I'll be the judge of that Lawson."

"Of course you will be Mason."

She pulled back, so she was looking at him properly. "I am glad it is half term next week. I get to spend time with all three of you. And I am quite glad for the distraction that we will have."

"We do have a great distraction."

"And I… I'm glad that I am back before Jacob's birthday."

"So am I."

Everything was in order as Rachel walked down the corridors of the school. She had already looked into Eddie's class and also took a lot of comfort in checking on Chris, Tom and Davina's class. She had caught Kiera's eye as she passed her class, with her daughter signing to her whether she was okay, which Rachel nodded at before nodding towards the table, trying to tell her daughter to get on with her work.

She had spent the morning with Eddie, sorting out what she had missed and her then sorting out what he had filed wrong. It just meant that it was after lunchtime that she got her first chance to go and see Kim and being back in the Pastoral Care office was just as comforting as it was being back in her own office.

"I would say the wanderer returns but with that look on your face, I don't think you've had the best of times," Kim said as Rachel dropped down on one of the sofas.

"Has Eddie said anything?"

"He only said that you were back and he thought that you might come to me."

"Sally said she would see what help she could get her end. You know, victim support and all that."

"So what do you need my end?"

Rachel swallowed. "I… I might look fine to you. Kim, all I want to do is reach for the drink. It was the reason why I couldn't stay at Jane and Sally's any longer. Because I." She stopped. "I want to forget. And there is only one way that I know how to do that. But Danny and Adam aren't worth it. My… 12 or 13 years of sobriety isn't worth losing over them."

There were times when she could see Kim for the friend that she was and then there were other times where she would turn into the teacher. It was the time where her friend disappeared for a moment. Where the teacher and the best head of pastoral care Rachel had ever worked with came to the front.

"Wouldn't Sally's victim support help?"

"Kim, you know me, I don't ask for help that often."

"Do you really think you are going to go off the rails?"

"I unlocked some bad memories. And maybe what I said to Adam is true. Maybe I do have a weird relationship… with sex. That I haven't noticed because no one has treated me like... Like Adam did. Kim, I promised myself that the kids were never going to see me that way. That it was never going to get that way again. And at the moment, Eddie is giving me comfort and the nightmares have stopped and everything is going back to normal."

"But you still want to reach for the bottle." Kim offered.

"I still want to reach for the bottle and I'm waiting for my mind to catch up and." Rachel stopped. "I don't want to push Eddie away. I can't be pushing away the one person that can actually get me through this."

Rachel knew that she didn't need to say anything more to Kim. They seemed to catch each other's eye with an understanding stare. Just because everything looked normal, things were far from it. And it might be a while before they were again.