NOTE:
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Hi?
I'm very sorry?
I know I am way past late... and I don't really know what to say except sorry because I feel like everything will sound like an excuse but still...
To keep it simple I have three explanations, all linked to the other and that are directly responsible for my tardiness. First: I found a Summer Jon which took a lot of my time and I didn't have much left for anything else. Two: I had a very interesting conversation with one of you (thank you again!) that made me rethink all of this and I have to confess I kind of doubted myself after that. For a time I thought of going back to the very beginning and rewrite the entire thing. I didn't do it obviously, but I have not completely set aside the idea so it may happen after the end of the book one and before the second book. I will see what I'll do. And Third: Well, like the last one with this character I have a lot of difficulties writing it. I change a lot of scene multiple time and I am still not entirely satisfied. It is the shortest I made thus far I think, and I intended to have it longer but in the end I quite like the end. I say my part and leave you and your knowledge of the show to fill the blanks!
Now, to the reviews we answer!
Chino: Oulah! Easy there Tiger! Two things: one, as I said already I didn't read the book. I only based this on my knowledge of the show and what I can remember because I obviously don't watch it every other minute to be sure I have everything perfectly accurate. Second: it's written from several characters' points of view. Of course, I agree with you and Catelyn is definitely not the only one responsible for all this mess. But it is also true that even though more people played a role, it is her taking Tyrion that made Tywin and Jaime react and start everything else. Beside, Robb had Kyria's letters and her views of the future to help him understand the said conflict. It's biased of course but it's still a point of view. Now for Catelyn reaction to Robb's title, I only remember her smiling as everyone around is calling Robb a King. So for my interpretation, and without the support of the book, she is happy about it. Now it does not mean she won't change her mind.
I'm happy to know you like the story despise the little problem with Catelyn and I do hope you'll like this one too! Sorry for the wait!
Guest:... Thank you? I guess? Please remain from killing anyone? Or to remove any body part? I don't want you to finish in jail? xD And I do understand the feeling! I have plans for them don't worry! Sorry for keeping you waiting!
M: Thank you as always you are wonderful! :D I'm very happy to see you reaction to everything and I hope you will like this as well! Sorry to keep you waiting!
Shade: Thank you for your analysis I always enjoy it! I hope I have surprised you with this point of view ;) Sorry for the wait!
There we have it. I hope you'll all enjoy this and I'll see you down there!
Chapter 22: The Other concerns.
Year 298 AC Eleventh Month
Castle Black
Jon
To Jon Snow, Brother of the Night's Watch.
Brother,
It's been a long time since my last letter. A lot of things had changed. For the worse I'm afraid. I write this to you because… well I am worried. I went South to try to help Father, as much as I could with politics and all the rest. But I hadn't been as successful as I thought I could be.
I do not know what to do now. I am out of ideas and out of time.
I will try to protect Arya and Sansa, the best I can. But I am just me. And I learned the hard way how little it means this far South.
I pray you are well. And I pray you will stay well. I don't know if I will be able to write to you again after this. But if I don't, Jon, remember our conversations. You are strong and brave and smart. And more importantly, you are kind. Never lose that. I am so proud to call you my brother Jon.
We will see each other again. I know it. And you know I am never wrong. Or rarely.
This letter is my last chance to try to help you, in any way I can.
Follow the old bear's advice. He knows what he is talking about. Even when it's hard, he'll still know better than you, green boy that you are. Don't take it wrong Jon. Sometimes facing the truth is the bravest thing to do.
Remember Jon Snow, you are more important than you can ever imagine. If not to others, to me at least. Me and our family. More than all those men who dare mock you.
Look for the kiss of fire. They will give you more luck than you thought you need. Look for them and protect them when the time comes. The bite of Winter is nothing compared to the hate in a little boy's heart. Beware him. Beware him and what you'll want to see in him. Hate is destructive.
Be careful with the old knight. The fool has no idea who he is dealing with. And please, by everything that is dear to us and our family, don't make the mistake of thinking you can solve all our problems on your own. Don't make Robb or any other Lord bound by duty to take your head. Please, Jon.
I will come to you, brother. I will come for you when you'll need it the most. I hope you won't need it. But I know you will.
I love you, Jon Snow. Wherever you are.
I miss you brother.
Your sister,
Kyria Stark of Winterfell.
His hands were trembling. He looked at them and they were trembling. He was curled in a corner o, on the very top of the Wall, watching his hands, while the rest of the world, the unknown part was spread right in front of him, just waiting to be contemplated. But he watched his hands. The letter was close to his heart, inside his doublet. The words danced in front of his eyes. And his hands were trembling.
"Jon? Ya a'right?"
He blinked the snow out of his eyes but couldn't bring himself to answer.
Another voice joined the first one. Softer and just as recognizable for him now.
" Jon?"
Finally, he looked up.
Samwell Tarly. Newly sworn brother of the Watch and surprisingly, one of his dearest friend.
Wrapped in his black tunic and doublet of the Watch, bundled up in a large black cloak, Jon wondered, watching him, if he ever felt at ease in there. Like this was his place. It was hard to tell. From what he knew, Samwell never felt like he belonged anywhere. In this, they resembled each other. Except that he was a Bastard, and that Samwell had been the heir of his father's sit once upon a time.
But then, both ended up there for lack of any other choice.
From the first time he had seen the boy in the yard, Jon had been intrigued. He could still remember him, wobbling around in training gear, his eyes on his feet.
He had just been out of the Lord Commander's office, followed by one of the guys he had trained, the second-best in fact, right after Grenn. He had taught everything he could to the boy and now was the time for him to leave his group and form another. Again, just like Grenn had done not a sennight before.
Conveniently, the day Samwell Tarly appeared, was the day he had room for another fellow on his training group.
But, back to the fact. His first impression of the southern boy has in no way be good.
"I yield! I yield!" he had squeaked, "Please no more!"
Not flattering at all indeed.
He had let him stand up on his own. He was familiar enough with the place now to know when he had to keep his mouth shut. On the Watch you stand on your own or you don't stand at all. He couldn't ignore though, the pang of guilt that pulsed inside him at the sight.
On the morrow, and before Jon could even start to think more thoughtfully about this new face and what he thought of him -besides the first oh-gods-what-is-that-thing first impression- the
boy was part of his group. Succeeding the only slightly trained fighter he had on his group. On that note, he had not been very gifted. Samwell Tarly could be described with many words. But certainly not 'fighter'.
Nor was he very brave, apparently. Or with a good vision, which could have helped him immensely as a member of the night's Watch...
No, Samwell Tarly didn't seem gifted with many things that could have helped him survive here.
He liked to read through. Jon assumed it must mean something.
It took a couple of days for him to understand the lad. Like most of the boys he knew, Sam had the story to support his place here. He was just as much of an outcast, and just as desperate to belong somewhere than many others.
Still, some days, Jon wondered why he didn't try to go to the Maesters. A man like him would have fit a lot more there.
But it was not his place, to question his friend's motives.
Anyway, he grew used to him rather quickly. And with the groups forming around, it had been easier to form a friendship. Every day, the number of people Jon called friend grew a bit more. With Tehn, Kevar and Edd, he added Sam, and Pyp and Grenn as those he could really trust. The other member of his groups could fall on this category with some time. But he wasn't there yet.
Besides, it was a good group to begin with. With more friends than he ever had before. In this aspect, life could have almost been perfect.
Almost.
"Jon?" asked Sam again, cutting him out of his thought.
Jon looked up. He didn't know what to say. What was he supposed to say?
Everything had been well this morning… So normal. Usual.
Now his entire world was falling apart. And he was powerless to do anything about it. The Wall was far from the rest of Westeros. Far from anything else and generally that included information.
In that case, the late news about the rest of the Kingdom took its sweet time to come to him. One month.
Just the time for his Father to be arrested, his brother to go to war and…
"My Father is dead." he rasped, finally putting words on the painful knot in his throat.
His tears froze on his eyelashes before he could even think of versing them.
"… I know." answered his friend.
Sam had been assigned as Maester Aemon's Stewart when he swore his vows. A good place for him. He liked books way too much to be happy anywhere else. It suited him. It was as close as being a Maester as one could get here. At least while Maester Aemon was still with them.
What a terrible thought it was… Maester Aemon not being here... The idea of another death almost send him in a panic attack. Too much. Way too much. He had to deal with Benjen already who still has not come back, now Father-
No.
"I'm sorry Jon…" added Sam when Jon stayed silent.
"I didn't know"
"What?"
"I didn't even know that he was in danger. Or imprisoned. I didn't know."
The boy danced on his heels, obviously uncomfortable.
It was his comrade, who answered Jon.
"'tis a long way from Kingslanding," he said, his voice thick with his accent, conveniently coming from the streets of the said city, "News takes time to arrive. And a lot' happened."
"My brother started a war." he said again, "Why couldn't I know that before he left? The North is not that far."
Was he sarcastic? Maybe. Jon didn't really care if it was.
Sam didn't answer. Nor did the other one next to him. Jon expected it.
There was only so much he wished to hear right now. Besides, he wasn't completely stupid. He could guess why no one bothered to tell him about his father and brother before today. One look at the uncomfortable face of his large friend was enough.
"Did you hide it from me?" he asked slowly.
The boy shuttered for a moment, his face betraying a panic that didn't help to erase Jon's suspicions.
"I-I-" Sam gulped, his cheek violent red, he seemed like he was thinking, his eyes searching around him. It took him a while to talk coherently. "I- It was not my idea. I didn't even know before- I mean, in the beginning."
"The beginning?"
He flushed even more.
"Maester Aemon, he said- he said the Lord Commander was worried that the news… That the news about your Father and the rest would have pushed you to desert."
Desertion?
Him? A deserter? Why- How- And the Commander thought that?!
But-
Jon couldn't do that… He knew he couldn't! He swore the vows! He pledged his life to the Night's watch, why would he take it back after so long? His life was here now! He knew that! He had known that since the day he knelt in front of the heart tree beyond the Wall!
He couldn't say he didn't want to help his family, he did. He was desperate to help them, in any way he could. But to betray his word… his honor?
There was so few things he held dear. Even less so concerning himself. How could anyone think he would sacrifice one of those so easily?
It hurt. To know his commander, the man he came to respect as much as his father would think something like that about him… How did he even come to that conclusion? Was it really so bad?
Why did they need to hide it? Who did they think he was? A child? A green boy ready to flee at the very first occasion presented to him? A coward?! He was none of them! He had never been and will never be a coward!
Jon pressed one fist against his eye and thought. Why? He wouldn't have left. He didn't want to leave right now.
… No, he did. He did want to leave. But wanting something and actually doing it were both very different things. He had wanted to be Robb all his life, to have his place, his rank, his position in Winterfell. Not because he wanted the bloody castle. As much as he loved it he didn't want that. Not really. It was the reconnaissance that came with it he .The warm of the people looking at him like he was important to them. The warmth of a mother-
But wanting that never pushed him to hate his brother. Or to lust after the idea of his death. Gods je loved Robb maybe as much as any other inhabitant of Winterfell. More even. He was his brother, he would die for him if asked.
He knew very well the difference between wanting and acting. He did want to go to his family. It was hard not to. Just like he had wanted to leave when he learned about Bran. But he also knew where his duties lied. He couldn't leave the Wall. Not like that.
He would never do that.
But Father died…
Jon blinked, his eye momentarily blinded by the pressure he put on with his fist. He blinked a few more times and looked away, to the horizon line beyond the wall and the perfect whiteness of the snow.
Father died indeed. And he learned it just now. While there was nothing else to do but mourn. As his friend's gaze grew in intensity, Jon contemplated the situation. Would he have reacted differently if he had learned about Father before his death? What if they hadn't hidden it from him? Father, Robb, all the rest, what if he knew?
For one moment he pictured himself, mounted on the fastest horse he could get, riding into the forest Ghost at his heels, praying for no one to find him while he joined his brother.
Would he have done that? Truly? Part of him wanted to say no. To reject the absurd idea of betraying everything he has been raised for. Everything he had fought tooth and nail for the past year and half.
But his Father...Would he have done it? Truly? He couldn't possibly think so… But doing nothing while they needed him... It was worse.
For the first time, he regretted taking the Black. He was trapped here, between his love for his family and all the rest.
Trapped and lost. He could do nothing and his Father was dead and now Robb and Kyria and the others they-
He stopped right in the middle of that thought. Kyria.
"My sisters."
"W-what?"
"My sisters. They were at Kingslanding with my Father, what has been said about them?" he asked pressingly.
Kyria. Arya. He needed to know. And lady Sansa...
"Huh, ehm, no- no one really mentioned them… I- I think they are still at Kingslanding… there had been nothing about them coming back North…" said Sam uncomfortably.
In Kingslanding… They were still there… A dreadful knot tied Jon's gut. Was it a good thing? No. Definitely not. How could it be? Father had just died in Kingslanding. Executed for whatever nonsense those people pulled up with to get rid of him. There was no way for them to be safe. And where was he? He shouldn't be out there. He should be South, protecting his sisters like it was his place. He should have protected Father too, defended him.
He shouldn't have said the words. Made the vows. He should never have.
He was up in a heartbeat, his body shaking with unspent energy.
"Jon no!"
A strong grip caught his arm, stopping him right on his track.
"Let go of me."
"No, I won't."
"Jon, don't do this." plead Sam behind him.
"I'm not doing anything, let go of me."
"Like hell, you aren't."
"Gendry-"
"No. You were going to make a mistake! I know that look!"
"I was not!"
"Jon, you can't get your sisters. You know you can't" pleaded Sam.
"I don't know what you are talking about," he said stubbornly.
"Aye ya 'know." rumbled Gendry, his clear eyes flashing with determination. Jon could almost feel the muscles of his hand tighten their grip on his arm.
"You talk about your sisters and suddenly ya' have something to do out there?" he kept on drily.
"It's none of your business."
"Aye, it is. 'Cause it's my friend's head ya're gonna risk with you bein' stupid. And I can't le' that happen."
"Jon. This is exactly what Lord Commander Mormont feared. Would you really do that to him?"
The word stuck him. To Mormont? His chest squeezed. He didn't want to do anything to the old Commander. He was a great man.
But why should he worry about doing wrong to Mormont when he was certainly doing very wrong to his sisters by staying here like a freezing moron! Why should he be more important than his blood? It wasn't fair!
"Leave me the fuck alone." he snapped, bulging his arm out of the young boy's grip.
"Jon!" called Sam.
He ignored him and took the cage to come down the Wall, his face twisted. He didn't know what to do. He wished he could have stayed up there forever, watching the snow with his trembling hands. But he was no coward. He knew the following hours would lead him to a decision regarding his fate. He needed to plan.
He couldn't do nothing.
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For a moment, he thought of going to the Lord Commander. To confront him with the truth of his machinations. But no. As much as he needed it it was not a good idea. He was too angry, too close to jumping right out of his own skin to talk to anyone. Certainly not to the Lord Commander. He would end up saying more than he planned to and make a mess out of all of it.
So he went to Ghost.
As if sensing his master needed him, the giant Wolf was easy to find. Suddenly exhausted, Jon let himself fall against the closest wall, right next to his companion. Ghost nuzzled his hand curiously, his big eyes looking up at him. Once he would have taken this for a plead for love. Now he knew it meant food.
"Sorry boy. I have nothing for you."
Ghost blinked. He looked up again, and tugged his head on one side. A shame he never made a sound. He would have whined otherwise. Jon chuckled and pat his head. With a soft snort, the giant beast snuggled closer to Jon, and the young men allowed himself to close his eyes a moment.
"Father is dead Ghost."
A wet nose nudged his hand pressingly, asking for scratches no doubt. Jon executed the demand distractingly.
"Kyria wrote," he said again.
He had no idea why he was talking to Ghost. It's not like the would was suddenly going to stand up on his back legs and talk back to him. Maybe he just wanted to say it out loud.
Or he just wanted to feel like he was going somewhere.
"I don't know what to do Ghost."
Ghost sneezed.
Whatever. He didn't need the wolf to voice what he already knew.
This was a lie. He knew exactly what to do. It was obvious really. But to do it… That would mean betray his honor. The only valuable thing his father could ever give him. And that wasn't his name.
His honor.
Now he had to chose between that and his family. The other thing he never wanted to lose.
But in the end, one of those things was easier to replace. He knew what he would do.
"Jon Snow." grumbled a brother, cutting him out of his thought, and in the same way, his time with Ghost.
"Yes?" he said politely.
"Maester Aemon want to see you."
"Why?"
"Didn't say."
Jon didn't ask more. The old Maester was very respected around here. He had been here for decades, more than anyone else, or close. Some brothers even preferred him to the Lord Commander. As for Jon, he couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something with this old man that appealed him. He liked him. Very much. Since Benjen's… disappearance, Maester Aemon had taken his beloved uncle place in Jon's mind. Not completely of course, nothing would ever replace Benjen. But Jon knew he could talk to the old man. He knew he would listen. Understand even. He didn't have that with anyone else around here.
So Jon went to him. Of course he did.
He found the ancient man in the rookery, surrounded by the ravens and their loud caws.
And the smell . But Jon tried not to stop at the smell. Better for him.
Jon couldn't even open his mouth to announce himself.
"So, you learned about your family didn't you, Jon Snow? I wonder what will you do now?"
Jon blinked. That was… direct. And unexpected.
"Y-yes. How did you know it was me Maester?"
"I am old and Blind Jon Snow, but I am no fool. Nor am I deaf."
Deaf? What in seven hells did that had to do with the rest?
"I heard you coming."
"Even with all the crows?" blurred Jon surprisingly.
The man giggled, a soft noise coming from his old throat that made Jon want to wrap him in a blanket and roll him in front of a warm fire and- Where did that came from?!
Jon blinked the disturbing thought away and concentrated on the present time.
"You wanted to see me?" he asked, straightening his back.
The man turned to face his general direction, his blind eyes somehow founding Jon's.
"I did."
Jon waited.
"Well?"
"You did not answer my question Jon Snow."
"What question?"
"What will you do now?"
Jon frowned.
"Why did you tried to hide it from me? It's my family, I had a right to know about them," he said, struggling against the feeling of betrayal that flowered inside him.
"Why indeed." said the old man. " I did not agreed with this plan, but the Lord Commander is quite fond of your company."
That was hard to believe. If the Lord Commander was indeed a very good man, one Jon admired without shame, he never really felt like the man liked him back. Or if he even relatively enjoyed his company, on the rare times he allowed them to just sit and talk, when nothing else was pressing enough to require the Lord Commander's attention.
Almost never. But still. It happened. Once or twice.
Jon chose to remain silent. But the old Maester was intelligent, and had the wiseness of his years on his side.
"You don't believe me."
"I believe he didn't want to see me desert if I learned what was happening down South."
"And now you know. So my question remain, what will you do?"
Jon didn't know what to say to that.
"What should I do Maester?" he asked instead. "What should I do? Should I leave my family, my sisters to die to please those blasted fuckers down there?! To stay there wasting my time in this cold while my brother fight to avenge our father? Fight for our family?!"
"Well, you certainly have a lot of reason to leave this place." commented the old man serenely.
Jon stopped, offended. He didn't want to leave! He didn't want to abandon them all, not after all the time and efforts he spend here, making a place of his own! It was his duty after all he couldn't just ignore that.
But his family…
"I-" he started but what could he say? He was lost.
"What will you do then?"
"I- I don't know."
"A difficult choice indeed. When a man come to the Night's Watch, pledge his life to the Watch, he should expect to have his determination tested, one way or another. For some of them it's the cold, the hunger, the Wildlings… For some of us, its the rest of the world."
Jon blinked, sensing the importance Maester Aemon was putting into his words. It seemed important for him, and Jon couldn't help but think about Maester Aemon's story.
Aemon Targaryen. The old man never talked about his fallen family after that first time, but Jon remembered each word.
"Love is the death of duty Jon Snow." said the old man slowly. "For what is Duty, compared to the love of a woman, and the warmth of her skin? What is Duty, compared to the feeling of a newborn son in one's arms?"
Jon blinked, pensive.
"You- did you ever…"
"Aye I did. But for me, there was no choice. The gods waited for me to be old and weak to test me with their cruelty."
Jon watched the wired face crumble with grief, stopping himself before he could ask anything else. It was obvious what he was talking about.
Again, everything was in the name.
"I couldn't do a thing about the situation. But you… you are young and strong. The only thing that could stop you if you really wished to go, would be your sense of Duty. And this is something neither of us has any control on."
Again, he didn't know what to say. Everything was true. And yet… it didn't help. He was still in the same place.
"What should I do then?"
The man stayed silent a moment, his blind eyes lost on the Wall. A crow more adventurous than the others pecked on his shoulder, cawing softly, almost with affection. Jon watched him, vaguely curious. Was he some kind of pet to react in such a way?
Then, Maester Aemon giggled again, and Jon blinked.
"Well, it seemed to me you already know the answer to this peculiar question."
"Maester, I-"
"Now Jon Snow, all we have left to do is wait and watch, if you will be able to face this decision, and its consequences."
Jon blinked again, understanding in his confusion, that the conversation was over. He wished he could have stayed longer in the rookery, watching the old man take care of the birds, hide to the rest of the world, but it was pointless. The world was not going to stop moving because he had trouble deciding which direction he was supposed to chose.
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He decided in the end.
It was a close call. A very close call. But he decided. Just as he mounted his horse, right in front of the door, in the middle of the night, he stopped, and climbed down. Ghost sniffed his feet curiously, and he looked at that massive door.
Love is the death of Duty.
It was just one step. One little step and he would be out of Castle Black. One little step and he could do something. Maybe even make a difference.
One little step.
Sometimes facing the truth is the bravest thing to do.
The truth. The truth was simple. Stay here or go there. Stay here and regret it for the rest of your life. Stay here and take the risk to never see any of them ever again. Stay here and lose the people you love.
Go there and… and…
Don't make Robb or any other Lord bound by duty to the Watch take your head.
It was just one step. One little step. Nothing else.
Please, Jon.
He knew those lands. Maybe not as much as the Lords around, but he was from the North. He knew the North. He knew… He could survive out there. He could travel. He knew how to survive, how to cross the lands, the different territories, of the different families. He knew… He knew…
When a man come to the Night's he should expect to have his determination tested, one way or another.
There was no test. It was not a game, or a trick or anything else of the sort. It was a choice. An act. A small step. Just a line to step on and that was it.
It was all he had to do. Take the step.
But…
For some of us, it's the rest of the world...
The rest of the world… The world was not testing him. The world was tormenting his family. There was no test!
The gods had other things to do than to test a mere human like him. A nobody. It had nothing to do with him. He was done with arrogance. He was nothing and no one. Just a bastard like all others. A bastard with noble blood maybe, but still.
Just a bastard with a family to save.
Please, Jon.
But…
Please, Jon.
Just a small step.
Please-
"Jon?"
Ghost removed his head from Jon's hand, and looked behind him. Jon didn't need to.
"Sam."
Steps crushed the snow, and Ghost took a step back. Slowly, Samwell Tarly contoured him to come face to face with him. Jon looked up. Two large brown eyes looked back at him, wearing an air not unlike a kicked puppy.
"What are you doing?"
"Don't be stupid Sam. We know what he's doing." grunted a voice behind him.
Grenn.
It wasn't just them though. How many were there? Sam of course, Grenn, Pyp, because Grenn was never without Pyp. Edd maybe. Tehn of course. All of them probably.
"You're going to leave aren't you?" Pyp. He knew it.
Jon didn't answer.
"Jon you can't leave! You know what happens to deserters!" Sam again.
"And your brother is Lord now. I don't think he'll like having your head cut out of your shoulders," observed Kevar.
"Jon-"
"It's only one step."
The silence lasted a moment.
" What?"
"It's only one step, to reach the door, to go out and leave. To join my brother."
Silence greeted his words. He carried on.
" I prepared my horse, my things, everything. I prepared it all."
"Jon…"
"Why?" his voice cracked with emotion, he tried to keep it together. "I can't move. Why? Why are my legs locked like that? I tried but-"
He hadn't really expected an answer, and he certainly had not expected this one.
But then they did it.
Night gathers, and now my watch begins.
Jon's breath caught in his throat.
It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children.
A second voice joined the first. Then a third. And a fourth. Then, Five, then all of them.
I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls.
Ghost pushed his leg with his head. Jon felt the muscle trembling. But he still couldn't move.
I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.
They hadn't talked louder than what was politely acceptable at this time of the night. But for Jon it sounded like thousands of voices shouting together. Vibrating deep inside him.
He was shaking like a leave in the wind, his legs weak and trembling under his own weight. It took him almost everything to just stand there.
Feet crushing the thin snow behind him made his heart jump. Within another heartbeat, Kevar's old bitten face was in front of him. He put a hand on Jon's shoulder, pressing it strongly.
"You swore it, Jon, just like we did." he said slowly, "You pledge your life to the Watch and the Wall, no matter what. I know you to be an honorable man. Don't you think that maybe you can't take this last step because of what it could mean for your honor and the life you chose to live?"
Jon's leg moved, finally, twitching violently, merely to prevent him from falling forward. Somehow, he had needed to hear this. His face crushed by everything that happened that day.
He decided in the end.
He had packed his things and he was one step from leaving Castle Black when he did. He will probably lose a lot of sleep from it, but he did. He decided.
He stayed.
Please Jon…
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He resumed his duties on the morrow, with tired eyes and stiff shoulders, and everything kept on as last night never happened.
Lord Commander Mormont took a long look at him from his chair in his office. His face was hard and unforgivable. Jon stayed straight, his back long and his arms locked behind him. Awaiting his judgment.
"So?" he said finally. "How was your little walk last night?"
He felt himself blushing, like a maid in front of a knight. Or a little boy.
"Lord Commander-"
"Save it. There is nothing to say about it. You didn't leave and had you, we would be having an entirely different conversation and we both know it."
Jon almost felt ashamed. But he too had things to say.
"Is it why you hide it from me?" he asked, more rudely then he intended. "Because of unpleasant conversations?"
Jeor Mormont stopped his writing and slowly looked up. Jon did all he could to not shrink under the gaze. he was proud of his effort.
Still, he kind of shrank a little.
"I didn't tell you because there was nothing you could have done." he said strongly. "Having you worrying about it for days would have helped no one Snow. Certainly not your family. You are of the Night Watch now, this is your place."
Jon was ready to argue but the old bear beat him.
"Besides, look at me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't have tried to do what you almost did last night, had you known about your Father before?"
Jon closed his mouth. He had nothing to respond to such a statement. All of it was true after all. He still didn't like the idea of having information about his family hidden from him, but he couldn't just yell at the man until oblivion. Or exhaustion. It would have been stupid and incredibly childish. Jon kept his mouth closed and resumed his duties.
The same day, he had another encounter with one of the figures of the Watch.
Allister Throne.
The man found him in the kitchens, with Pyp and Sam, as they were preparing the food for tonight meal.
"Now there's a rare sight." he called from the entry of the room. "Not only a bastard, but a traitor's bastard."
Jon worked his jaw, and kept his mouth shut.
Since the very first day, that man had hated him, and never lose an occasion to show him how much. Jon was actually surprised it took him so much time to come gloat about Jon's father. Maybe the Lord Commander had him muzzled the same way he had muzzled the news about Jon's family. Or maybe Jon had learnt a bit too much to ignore the man.
"So tell me Lord Snow, how does it feel to lose your father knowing he betrayed everything he said to believed in?"
Jon didn't say anything, his dark eyes just staring the man darkly. He didn't want to attack more attention on himself.
"Well? Nothing to say Bastard? I am surprised you know. I would have expect to find your pretty head on a spike this morning. Don't you want to join Your traitor Brother on his march against Kingslanding?"
His left hand twitched. Every muscle of his body needed to move. To attack that smug bastard, to rip off this stupid smile from that face. But he kept it for himself.
Thorne snorted. His smile still present. Jon's eyes found the knife abandoned on the table.
"Ser Allister, the Lord Commander is askin' for ya on the yard."
The smile disappeared. Jon found Gendry blue eyes, as the lad stood behind Thorne. He looked back and briefly winked at him. He looked pleased with himself.
With a snort, the man exit the room. Gendry entered behind him, and pushed himself next to Grenn who had been watching them.
"There- There is no one asking for Ser Allister is there?" asked Sam hesitantly.
Gendry smiled. Jon felt his lips twitch. He was a good lad.
Gendry had come with the last garnison of new recruits, the largest one since Jon had been here. Yoren had looked very pleased with himself when he entered the yard, followed by almost fifty new heads. Among them Gendre had stood up with his tall frame and bright blue eyes. Next to him had stood a boy nearly as fat as Sam, if younger, who they learned later made the best pies Jon had tasted since Wintefell. On the other side, was a small lad with bright yellow hair and large eyes. Hot Pie and Loomy.
Since then, and for a fortnight now, they were all getting used to the place, the Watch and how it was supposed to work. Gendry and Jon quickly found at ease in each other company. Jon liked the lad. he wasn't one to bother with unessessary business and often say what he thought.
He had not swore his vows yet, the ceremony was due in a couple of days now. But everyone already knew where Gendry would end up. With the builders. He had been a smith apprentice back inafter all.
"Thank you Gendry."
Gendry slapped his shoulderwarmly. The ease whiche they all soon closed up around him, starting a discussion about Gendry and his vows spread a ruch of affection for them in Jon's chest. They were doing it for him, he knew. To help him forget about the harsh truth of the world out of Castle Black. Just like last night they were allied around him. Because they were friends. It felt good to know he ould count on them.
Despise everything and the difficulty of the decision he had to make last night, it felt least he was not abandoning all of the people he cared about. It wans't much. But it help.
Unfortunately, the outside World was not pleased with the idea of being forgotten. ANd like he suspect, it didn't take long for Jon to start loosing sleep. Although not for the reason he first thought.
It started with Ghost. Since the wolf had grown so much, Jon had to stop bringing him to the barracks, where he and the other brothers slept. The Wolf had an empty storage room for him, the very same they had to keep open all the time so he wouldn't feel locked up and make it known to anyone around.
As long as that door stayed open, no one would have any problem with the giant Wolf. Which is why, that night, when the great beats scratch at his Dior with agitation, Jon knew something was wrong.
"Ghost?"
The wolf scratched some more, his huge eyes shining through the lights of the fire behind Jon.
"What is it?"
Ghost turned on himself, clearly disturbed, then trotted through the yard, frequently turning to see if Jon was following.
He stayed dumbly at his friend, lost. Ghost huffed and scratched the floor. It shook Jon back to his senses.
Quickly grabbing the closest sword, he jumped at Ghost's tail heart beating on his chest. This was not like Ghost to act like that. Something happened.
Ghost lead him through the yard, to the door of the Lord Commander's quarters. More worried by the minute, he held the pommel of his sword.
Slowly, he opened the door, calling softly for anyone to come out. Ghost passed around him with agitation, sniffing and scratching the floor, ears laying flat on his head.
A loud noise broke Jon's concentration, he turned back, just in time to see it.
It was white and rotten, half of its head at least. Walking fast and screeching like some animal. Something far from human. And its eyes were bluer than anything else he had ever seen.
He didn't have time to see much, for the thing took his neck in large cold hands and threw him against the wall. Jon's breath stopped at the impact, his lungs protesting against the treatment. He tried to make it drop him, gripping the hands with his own, but his gloves made it difficult, more so with the lack of air quickly dazing him and the strength this thing possessed.
Jon pulled out his dagger and stabbed the thing in its stomach. One. Two. Three. Foor. But it didn't work. So Jon hit the joints of its arm, finally forcing it to let go. He threw his head to the things, knocking it away from him, then drew his sword.
Somewhat reassured with his sword in his hand, he fought. One swift move cut the arm of the thing, who answered by taking him back by his neck. Jon used his sword to impale the thing while it tried to get close. It fell.
His heart beating fast in his chest, he was distracted by the sound of Ghost loudly scratching the now closed door. He needed to open. The Lord COmmander he had to see the Lord COmmander.
"Snow?"
"Lord Commander!" he called back. Never in his life had he been so pleased to see someone!
His legs stretched through the distance between them, relief pulsing out of him. He opened his mouth, but a sound behind him stopped him from saying anything.
The thing. It was up again. How? How in seven hells- he had killed it! He was sure of it. But it was looking at him, blank face and blue eyes while pulling slowly Jon's sword out of itself.
Without thinking, Jon pulled the burning lantern out of Lord Mormont's hand and threw it at the thing. Then, he pushed the man back, behind the door he just walked in. They left the thing burning, with the unanswered questions in their mind.
"What was that?!" asked the old man.
"I don't know Lord Commander."
Ghost pushed his hand, still throbbing with the heat of the lantern. He looked at it, confused and worried. The flesh was red. With a trembling finger, he pressed the place where he had held the thing.
It felt like a sunburn.
"I don't know…"
TBC.
So? Verdict? Good? Bad? Awful?
I personally quite like the last bit with the Wight. As I said it was supposed to end later, when Jon and co go beyond the Wall, but after the incident in the Lord COmmander's room nothing really change so I didn't think it very useful to put it . After all if you want to see it, go watch the show folks!
But seriously what do you think? The scene with Thorne was an afterthought that I put just before posting this. I realized I am not talking that much about him even though he is a massive part of Jon's experience in the Night's Watch. Besides I needed to introduce Gendry and the reason of his presence!
And Yes! Gendry! Gendry in the Night's Watch! For those who had payed attention I kind of put a clue about it when I made Yoren arrived at Kingslanding during the tourney where he arrive later in the show! In my timeline, as you may have seen the tourney is approximately one month before this chapter, so enough time for Yoren to go back North! (I might need to check that out though...) So yes Gendry will be part of the watch and an important support for Jon along the way! I really wanted Jon to have a life in the night's watch, to have built something with those people. That's also why I changed the scene of his almost desertion. He has people he care about in the night's watch and he know the risks of deserting, for him, and for the people around him.
Anyway, I hope you liked it, don't hesitate to comment and share your opinion I really really appreciate it!
The last chapter will be VERY small and will normally arrive soon. If not this week the week after! Promise!
See ya soon!