Hey guys! This chapter will focus on Fuji's flashback of his past. Hope you guys enjoy this and don't forget to leave a review :))

Warning : Depiction of mature scene in this chapter.

Chapter 22

Tezuka looked at Fuji in disbelief. He knew his lover was independent but to think that Fuji had fared for himself ever since adolescence was a little difficult to take in. "What…" Tezuka could not read the expression on Fuji's face as the latter went down memory lane.

"Remember when I told you I would tell you about my past one day?" Fuji blinked back his tears as he fought to maintain his composure. "I think I'm ready now.."

"I- I used to have a loving family.." Fuji's voice broke. His lower lips quivered as he tried to hold back his sobs. Tezuka rubbed soothing circles around Fuji's hand and encouraged him to continue. "I guess it all changed when I was ten.." Fuji said in a small voice, his gaze turning downwards.

"My father owned a small business as a landscaper and my mother was a housewife. We weren't a rich family but we managed to get by. My older sister Yumiko was married by then and lived with her husband in Hokkaido. It was just me and my little brother Yuuta at home. We were happy." A small smile appeared on Fuji's lips.

"When I was ten, my father's business was not doing as well as it used to and it took a toll on us. Mother was always there to support my father and with her by his side, he managed to pull through. Then my grandmother on my mother's side got sick and mother had to take care of her. Grandmother refused to come live with us as she loved the countryside and so mother had to make frequent trips there to take care of her. After some time it seemed like mother was never home as she sometimes sleeps over at grandma's when she is too tired." Fuji swallowed the lump in his throat as his mind took him back to his childhood.

"I guess father was most affected by mother's absence. He was always too dependent on her. She was the only one who could motivate him during his downtime and with her gone and his business not doing well, he became depressed and started drinking." Fuji closed his eyes, his mind far into the past. Tezuka patted Fuji's back gently, listening intently to what his lover was saying.

"After some time, his drinking got worse and mother was too busy taking care of grandmother that she did not notice how bad his drinking problem actually was. Father would yell at me and Yuuta for no reason and we would be careful not to disturb him in the house. With mother always gone and father becoming an alcoholic, it wasn't long for Yuuta and me to feel neglected."

"A year passed by and it started to get worse.." Fuji stifled back a sob. "Father started hitting me and Yuuta for the littlest thing even though we had already tried our best to not disturb him in the house. The hitting was usually targeted towards me for some reason and at first I thought it was because I was older. Then one day, in his drunken state, father started hitting me and called me by my mother's name, yelling at me for prioritizing grandmother instead of him. That was when I realized most of his wrath was directed towards me because I resemble mother a lot. He was channeling his anger towards mother on me because in his opinion she had abandoned him in favor of grandmother." A tear trickled down Fuji's cheek and Tezuka wiped it gently.

"I did not tell mother any of this because I could see how tired she was, going back and forth from grandmother's house and ours and at the same time preparing meals for us everyday. I saw the fine lines on her face and I had no heart to add to her burden. So instead Yuuta and I tried to stay away from father and we did chores around the house to make things easier for mother. The stress had changed mother too and sometimes she would snap at me and Yuuta. Gone was the loving mother that would help us with our homework and kiss us goodnight everyday. I almost broke down myself but I reminded myself I had to stay strong for Yuuta." Fuji had a sad expression on his face.

"Then one day, when I was twelve, something I never expected happened.." Fuji started to sob uncontrollably as he remembered the darkest time in his life. Tezuka whispered comforting words as he tried to calm Fuji down.

"I still remember that day like it happened yesterday." Fuji said between sobs. "It was Friday night and I had just come back from a friend's house. Me and Yuuta had gotten used to doing our homework at our friends' place so that we could stay out of father's way as much as possible at home. When I entered the house, it was a mess. There were broken vases and plates on the floor. Yuuta had decided to sleep over at his friend's place so it was just me in the house. I noticed father standing at the far end of the living room. A bottle of whiskey that was nearly empty was in his hands."

Fuji took a deep breath as he tried to compose his face. It was hard for him to think of the event that had changed him and his life. He closed his eyes as tears kept streaming down, his mind taking him back to his house on that day that he was robbed of his innocence.

"Oh, so you finally decided to grace me with your presence ?" Hiroshi eyed his son. He took a gulp from the bottle he was holding. "Why is no one ever in this house anymore?! Is it not enough that your mother has abandoned us for that old hag ? Now you and your good for nothing brother have decided to leave too?!"

Hiroshi walked towards his son and yanked his shirt as he stared menacingly into his eyes. "Answer me goddamnit! Don't just stand there!"

Fuji trembled as he tried to find his voice to speak. "Mother has not abandoned us father. She's just taking care of grandma. And Yuuta and I only were only trying to not bother you in the house.." Fuji's voice came out softly. He was afraid his father was going to give him another beating. He was drunker than usual so Fuji braced himself for a beating.

"Nonsense! That mother of yours has abandoned us! She's never home anymore!" Hiroshi pushed Fuji to the ground.

"Taking care of your grandmother!" Hiroshi snorted. "Do you take me for a fool?! Why would she stay out all night to take care of that hag? She's probably found herself a new man and she's with him right now! Don't be stupid." Hiroshi crouched down and leaned down towards Fuji. Fuji could smell the alcohol from his father's breath. "Your mother has abandoned us, you understand?!"

Fuji sobbed on the ground as his father yelled at him. He tried to inch backwards so that he could move away from his father. Hiroshi took a last shot from the bottle and hurled the bottle towards the wall. The sound made Fuji jump and he cried harder.

"Why the fuck are you crying huhh?! I wasn't the one who fucked up, it was your mother!" Hiroshi grabbed Fuji's shoulders and shook him back and forth. A dark look came over Hiroshi's face. "You know, if you and your brother weren't such a handful, your mother might have had some time for me when she comes home. But no, it's always you two she's fussing over every time she's home!"

"Do you know when was the last time she fucked me? Huhh, do you know?! It's because of you and your brother! It's always your meal, your laundry she's worried about! What about my needs?!" Hiroshi slapped Fuji and the boy fell backwards.

He loomed over Fuji, his eyes dark, an unreadable expression on his face. "You know, you do resemble her a lot, Syusuke." Hiroshi ran a finger along Fuji's cheek. "You're all soft like her too." He chuckled menacingly. He leaned closer to Fuji's face, pressing his body close to Fuji's. Fuji wiggled under the weight of his father, trying to break free. Hiroshi pulled Fuji's hand above his head and pinned him down as he kissed him roughly on the face. "Yoshiko…" He muttered Fuji's mother's name.

Fuji writhed beneath his father and kicked at him, trying to loosen Hiroshi's grip on him. His twelve year old body was not strong enough to fight his father."Father it's me, Syusuke! Let go of me! I'm not mother!" Fuji whimpered between sobs.

One of Fuji's kicks landed on Hiroshi's groin and the older man groaned in pain. A rough slap landed on Fuji's face. His lips burned and he could feel blood trickling down from it. "Shut up and stop moving!" Hiroshi gripped Fuji's jaw tightly. Fuji screaming in pain only made Hiroshi grip his jaw harder.

Hiroshi got on his knees and unzipped his pants, freeing his crotch. He pulled Fuji up from the ground by his hair as he stroked his own penis. Fuji struggled to free himself and Hiroshi's hand went to his neck to choke him. "Stop messing around or I'll kill you." Hiroshi's voice was full of malice and it sent shivers down Fuji's spine. He shoved his penis into Fuji's mouth and gripped his head firmly as he started to move it back and forth.

Fuji felt like he could not breathe as his father kept thrusting his penis deep into his mouth. After what felt like forever, a warm liquid filled his mouth and Hiroshi let go of his head. Fuji spat out the semen as he gasped for air. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to get up from the floor. When he saw his father passed out on the ground, he ran into his room and locked himself in it.

Fuji sank into the bed and curled into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible, wishing he would just disappear. Tears raced down his cheeks and drenched the sheets beneath him.

His heart thumped as his mind took him back to what happened earlier. He ran into the bathroom and brushed his teeth until his gums bled. He groaned in frustration, tears still pouring down steadily, when no amount of brushing could get rid of the taste his father had left in his mouth. He stepped into the shower and stood there, feeling the cold water run through his body. Fuji tried to make sense of what had happened to him and when he could not, he told himself that his mother would know what to do. Yes, that's right, I will tell mother and she would know what to do.

Fuji stepped out of the shower and wiped himself dry. He changed into clean clothes even though his insides felt dirty and tainted. It's okay Syusuke, mother would know what to do. He repeated the same mantra until sleep eventually caught up to him.

...

Fuji woke up feeling drained the next morning when he heard his mother working in the kitchen. Three seconds of oblivion was all he got before events of yesterday came flooding back to him. Fuji clutched his chest as he willed himself to get out of bed and get dressed. He saw the bruises on his shoulders where his father had gripped him yesterday and he swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to stop any tears from coming.

"Mother..." Yoshiko's eyes landed briefly on her son before it went back to the pot she was cooking in. Fuji noticed how unkempt his mother looked. Her hair was knotted into a bun messily and there were dark circles under her eyes.

"Took you long enough Syusuke. Here, these vegetables are not gonna cut themselves you know." She shoved a bunch of spinach towards Fuji.

"Mother... There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" She asked without sparing a glance at him.

"It's..it's father..." Fuji's voice was raspy as he recounted the events of last night to his mother. Fuji struggled to get the words out through his tears and when he was done, he looked at his mother.

Yoshiko's hand stopped stirring at the pot and she stood motionless for a few moments. Her eyes widened before she regained her composure and turned to look at her son.

A strained smile was plastered on her face. "Come on now, Syusuke. Stop crying will you. I'm sure your father did not mean to do that. He was just tired and drunk, and you got in his way. That's all. Don't think too much of it."

She pushed a cutting board and knife towards Fuji. "Help me with this, quick. I don't have much time, I need to take your grandmother to the hospital for a checkup after this."

Fuji stood there frozen as he stared at his mother in shock. "Mother... how could you..." His voice hitched as he found himself unable to formulate any words.

"Oh, spare me the dramatics, Syusuke." She waved her hand dismissively. "I really don't have time for this. Now, will you please hurry up? And where is that brother of yours. I told him to take the trash out and he hasn't done that."

"Yuuta!" Yoshiko yelled from the kitchen. "Come down now and take out the trash."

Fuji felt an overwhelming surge of anguish and found himself struggling to breathe. How could his own mother dismiss him this way. I truly have no one anymore in this life, he thought to himself.

Hot tears coursed down his face. "I can't believe you're acting this way mother... How long are you going to keep pretending like everything is fine?" Fuji hung his head, his fists clenched tightly.

Yoshiko stopped cooking and faced Fuji. "Syusuke." She said curtly, her tone warning.

Fuji braced himself to look at his mother in the eye. "Guess what, mother..Everything has changed, everything. Father has a drinking problem, in case you have not noticed. He yells and beats us for the smallest things. And yesterday.." Fuji shut his eyes tightly, not willing the tears to fall down. He wants to say his piece to his mother without crying. He knows if he cries he would not be able to stop. "Yesterday he really went overboard." Fuji said softly.

Fuji felt a sharp pang across his cheeks. He clutched his burning cheeks before looking up at his mother in disbelief.

Yoshiko was breathing heavily, her hand that had slapped Fuji earlier, trembling. "You ungrateful child! Why are you so intent on making my life difficult? Can't you see how much I'm struggling already? I'm bending over backwards trying to make this work and now here you come, sprouting all these lies! Your father is fine, you understand? He does not have a problem. If you would only behave better and stay out of his way, then everything would be fine! So stop with all these lies already. Are you trying to break this family apart? Is that what you want?"

Fuji could not believe what he was hearing. He could feel the weight of the world crushing against him.

Yoshiko took a deep breath and ran her hands down her face. "If you're not going to help me here, then just go to your room." With those final words, Yoshiko continued cooking, pretending like nothing happened.

Fuji stared at the woman before him, who in the span of two years has morphed into someone he does not know, a stranger. He understood her struggles but he never expected her to dismiss him this way, to seal away what happened to him like it was nothing. Fuji came to terms with something important that day. He was completely and utterly alone in this world.

He walked away from the kitchen slowly. His eyes flew open in surprise when he saw Yuuta standing outside the kitchen. "Yuuta.."

Yuuta walked past him and went up the stairs to their shared room. Fuji went up after him.

"Yuuta, what's wrong?"

"Why did you tell mother all those lies, Aniki?" Yuuta looked straight at his brother.

Fuji's mouth gaped open in surprise. "Lies?"

"I know father beats us sometimes but you don't have to go to those lengths to get mother's attention. You've always been close to mother and I get that you miss her, but what were you trying to do, Aniki ?"

Fuji could not believe that his own brother was accusing him of lying. His throat felt heavy and his eyes blurred from the tears that had welled up.

Fuji ran out of the room and out of the house. He kept running and without realizing it his feet had taken him to the lake he always goes to with his family when he was younger, back when everything was still alright. He leaned against a tree, panting. He slid down and sat on the grass. How did everything get so messed up, he kept wondering.

He sat by the lakeside for hours, contemplating everything. He had no more tears left to cry. By the end of it, he knew what he had to do. He got up and saw that the sun was about to set. He breathed out a heavy sigh and walked back home.

The house was empty when he got home. His mother must be at his grandmother's and his father must be at a bar somewhere, drinking. A note on the dressing table in his room by Yuuta informed that he was staying over at his friend's again tonight. Fuji had never felt more alone in his life.

He let out a shaky breath and set out to do what he had decided at the lake earlier. He gathered all his belongings and stuffed them into a bag. It was not much, just some clothes, some money he had kept in a piggy bank and at the last minute his hand reached towards the dressing table for a photo of his family. It was taken two years ago and they were all smiling at the beach.

He thought of leaving a letter for his family but decided they were not deserving of that, and besides they might not even care about his departure. He felt a twinge of hurt at the thought of that. After some thought he decided he should at least say goodbye to his brother even though it had hurt when he did not believe him earlier. He took a post it and sprawled some words on it. Goodbye Yuuta, I'm sorry but I have to leave.

Fuji took a last look at the house that he had called home for the past twelve years. He slung the bag over his shoulder and walked out without turning back. His chest felt heavy and his mind was a mess but he kept walking until he reached the train station. He bought a ticket to Tokyo and when it was time to board, he did it without any hesitation. Fuji prayed that life would not be cruel to him and wished that the journey ahead of him would not be too rough.

A/N : More of Fuji's past will be revealed in the next chapter, so stay tuned guys :)