22

Goodbye, Hawkeye

"Hawkeye. Hawkeye wake up."

The urgency in Margaret's voice broke through the haze followed by the feeling of her hand shaking his shoulder. The rest of the world was slow to follow. He blinked and found he was sitting up and she was helping him into his boots. BJ must have pulled them off for him. Her words slurred together and all he could understand was hypothermia.

When he stood and she draped his robe over his shoulders, he began to clear and the reality of what was happening sank in. He pushed his arms through the sleeves of his robe and Margaret explained it all over again.

"We can't get Foster's temperature up. We've packed hot water bottles around her and added extra blankets. I even had Klinger and some of the nurses move her closer to the heater but nothing's helping."

Alice sat at Irene's bedside, checking her vitals. She barely looked up when Hawkeye came to stand beside her.

Irene's skin was still pale, her lips retaining the hint of blue. Alice handed over Irene's chart and Hawkeye scanned it quickly, but he already knew the problem. He'd seen it before.

"Where's Klinger?" he asked.

"Nurse," Margaret called to Able who sat on the other side of post op at the desk. "Go find Klinger."

"And get him to bring that fur coat," Hawk added as he pulled a clean bedpan off the stack in the corner. He stepped outside and grabbed a brick from a pile by the door. "Are there any extra blankets?"

"No, we've given her all we have." Margaret leaned over the rail at the end of the bed.

Hawkeye put the brick in the fire and Klinger came in wearing cap, gloves, several layers of clothes, and a heavy fur coat.

"You sent for me, sir?"

"Yeah, remember that time you warmed up that blood for the hypothermia patients? I need you to do that again. Grab a bottle of O- and warm it up for me."

"One bottle of the house finest, coming right up."

"Does she have socks on?" Hawkeye asked as he used tongs to pull the hot brick from the fire and put it in the bedpan.

"Yessir. A few pairs actually," Alice said.

"Good. I don't want this to burn her feet." Hawkeye lifted the end of the blanket and slid the bedpan under before tucking the edge under the mattress again. He sat on a chair by her head and grabbed a hot water bottle. "Warm this one up again."

Alice took it and disappeared.

Hawkeye put his hand over Irene's forehead, then let his fingers slide over her hair, down her cheek to her chin. He forgot Margaret was standing at the end of the bed, watching him.

"You really are worried, aren't you?" she asked gently.

"I've never come so close to losing a woman like this before. I mean, I've lost plenty of women but I've never—" he inhaled and rested his hand on her head again. "Never lost one for good, you know?"

"Never had one die."

"Right."

"We're going to do everything we can for her, Hawkeye."

"I know. I just don't know if it's going to be enough."

"If we can bring up her temperature, she'll be just fine. What you suggested should help. Why don't you go back to the Swamp and rest?"

"No. I don't want to leave again."

"You can barely keep your eyes open."

"I'll be fine."

"At least lay down here," Margaret said, pulling the blankets back on the next cot over.

Hawkeye watched Irene's face as if she might open her eyes any minute, but when there wasn't even a fluttering of her eyelashes he gave in and rolled into the bed, kicking off his boots. He watched the slow rise and fall of Irene's chest, body nearly giving in to sleep when he heard vehicle doors closing outside.

"The ambulance bus must be here," Margaret said before two corpsmen walked through the side door. She assisted them with loading everyone else in post-op except Irene and a solider who had a mild infection but couldn't be moved yet.

With everyone else gone, Margaret turned off the lights, leaving only one over the desk in the corner and whatever sunlight filtered through the grimy windows. Exhaustion settled on his shoulders and within minutes his eyelids closed, sleep winning him over once again.

By midday most of the snow had melted and the camp was able to shed their extra coats. The air was still crisp and cold, but it wasn't unbearable. Some of the nurses complained, saying the weather was being cruel to warm up for a day or two before plunging them back to the depths of winter, but all of that was lost on Irene.

She woke to a dull pain in her chest, each breath heavy, as if something was sitting on her chest. Blinking she opened her eyes to the ceiling of post-op. How had she gotten here? Her memories were hazy. The last thing that was clear was the moments before the explosion. She heard the shot but nothing after. It was all blank. Except…

Hawkeye. It was dark, like a movie where she could only hear sound. His voice. She couldn't remember the words, but she knew the voice. He'd saved her. Again. But how did he know where to find her? Wait, there way something else. Something in between. Doctor Reeves. She remembered him laying nearby, blood on his face shimmering in the light of a fire. That must have been the jeep. She'd broken off her dog tags and given them to him. He must have been the one to tell Hawkeye where to find her. She owed Reeves her life.

"You're awake," Margaret said, coming up to the end of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright. Getting some pressure in my chest."

"You had a terrible chest wound. If you're in pain I can get you something."

"I think I can manage." Irene looked over to see Hawkeye still fast asleep in the cot beside her. "Is he alright?"

"We almost lost you. Hawkeye had to perform open heart massage. He's alright, just tired. He was really worried. We all were."

"How did he find me? Major Reeves?"

Margaret hesitated, then sat at the edge of her bed. "Major Reeves didn't make it. Some soldiers found him on their way to the front and brought him back here but his injuries were too extensive. He died shortly after he arrived."

Tears stung Irene's throat and the pain in her chest intensified. "He was a sweet man. I still don't understand how you found me."

"The Major had your dog tags with him. Hawkeye took a jeep and went to find you himself."

"I can't believe he did all that…"

Margaret sighed. "Look, I'll be the first to tell you that Pierce is a hotheaded, womanizing, boozer, but for what it's worth, he seems to care about you. More than just another fling. He wanted me to get him up when you woke up."

Irene nodded and watched Hawkeye for a moment before Margaret put her hand on his shoulder and called his name. He stirred and opened his eyes, looking up at Margaret with confusion before realizing that Irene was awake. He sat up and moved to the chair that was between their cots.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm alright."

"Hawkeye, I'm sorry but a helicopter is supposed to be here within the hour for her and Corporal Evans. We were able to clear the infection early this morning and Potter's cleared him for travel. I'll let you know when they get here."

Margaret left the two of them alone and Irene reached for him. He wrapped both hands around hers and drew her fingertips to his lips once Margaret had left the room. She didn't shy away from him but instead moved to put her hand to his cheek.

"I'm sorry I made things so complicated," she said. "I was running from the wrong thing and for the wrong reasons. I never meant to make my past your problem."

"No, don't apologize. I didn't give you any reason to think I was anything but what you thought I was. I did take Shirley for granted and I wasn't open enough about what we were. I fell for you when I already had someone I thought was amazing. It wasn't fair to her or to you. I'm the one who made things complicated." He smiled sadly and closed his eyes. "I've been told I'm good at that."

"Why do you look so sad?"

"Because when you leave here, you'll be going to Tokyo General before they ship you home. I might not see you again."

Margaret opened the door and stepped in. "Hawkeye, I'm sorry, but the helicopter is here."

"Already?"

The corpsmen came in and Margaret motioned toward the solider they were to carry out. "I'm sorry, but it's time for them to go."

"I wish I knew what to say. I think the one thing I'd want to say, you already know." Hawkeye turned back to Irene.

The corpsmen returned for Irene and she knew she only had one chance left. She grabbed his dog tags and he paused, letting her draw him in until she could whisper in his ear.

"You've left your fingerprints on my heart." She kissed his cheek and the corpsmen loaded her up on a stretcher. Her hand slipped form his dog tags and she smiled at his confused look. It only took a moment before he understood but her name was the only thing he could manage to say in return before she was taken away.

Telling him didn't make the weight in her chest any easier to bear. Surgery pain aside, saying what she felt hadn't eased her. He was right. This might be the last time she got to see him. After recovering at Tokyo General, she'd be sent home to California. Even if he made it home, which she prayed with every fiber of her being he would, they were thousands of miles apart.

Every moment they'd spent with her pushing him away seemed such a waste when it could have been the way it was when they danced that one night when she'd let her emotions overrule her morals. The corpsmen took her outside and she closed her eyes against the sun, a few tears squeezing out from between her lids.

She'd see him again. She had to.