'Cause I love you more than you could know
And your heart, it grows every time it breaks
I know that it might sound strange

- Wish you Pain, Andy Grammer.

I ran away

from my Demon

when I returned,

it wasn't as

big and bad

anymore.

"When a bone breaks, it heals stronger so that it cannot be broken that easily again."

Whenever I wonder why my dad does what he does that phrase enters my mind.

I didn't always know that being hit by your Dad was bad, just like I didn't know that most little girls aren't starved to the point of death or trained until exhaustion.

I found out when I first went to Simon's house when I was 8. Then I knew.

So, I asked him about it, my dad I mean, I asked him why he did that to me. I asked if he actually loved me, because how could you love someone you want to hurt?

He got down on one knee so that we were face-level, then he said "I love you more than all the strs combined."

"Is that a lot?"

"So much."

My fingers accidently brush a cut, and I ask my next question "Then why do you hurt me?"

"When a bone breaks, it heals stronger so that it cannot be broken that easily again."

I say the next thing o quietly, "I'm not a bone."

"No, you are not." he agrees "I only hope that life makes you stronger too."

At the time, I was scared to ask the question. My tiny body practically vibrating with the contradicting feeling, my need to run away and my will to stay. "What do you mean?"

He smiles at me, at the time I was unsettled because of how genuinely hopeful he was "I hope you have nightmares that keep you up at night, I hope that monsters are everywhere and you know of every single one of them. I hope you feel the pain of solitude and of betrayal. The hopelessness because no one believes you. I pray that you do your best and still fall short."

"Wh-why?"

"I love you and your heart it grows every time it breaks." he smiles, "Broken promises, No back up, and being stood up. I how you suffer it all and come out stronger."

"I-I"

He stands tall, "I hope you bare your heart and it is destroyed. That your truth isn't believed and that your troubles are dismissed. Suit up. We're training extra today."

I limped all of next week.

I was 10 and Simon was always treating me like glass, he always asked questions and I never answered them. At least never accurately.

I was 12, Simon found out and he wanted to tell his mom. I begged him not to. He didn't tell, but started learning first aid to heal my cuts.

I was 14 and he saved enough money to run away together. I refused.

We were 15 and met a group called "Shadowhunter's." We joined and ran away with the money we both saved up.

They believed me. They backed me up. They never stood me up. They never dismissed my troubles.

My only demon was Valentine Morgenstern. My Dad.

And now here he was, right in front of me.

"You destroyed me," I say "you spent so much time trying to make me strong for the world while the real Demon was you."

"But it made you stronger." His back was curved and he was more rounded. He looked equal heavier ad lighter. He looked old, not at all like the Demon that used to terrify me.

"I was a little girl. I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be safe."

His face hardened and I fled.

an AU where Valentine is just a psycho dad. (Andy Grammer I swear i'm not comparing you to Valentine.)

xxx

PS. Shoot me a comment?

PPS. Please check out my Sizzy one-shot, it's "He Wasn't Good Enough For Her, (No. Wait! He Was.)"