Beck flopped down onto his bed, letting his legs bounce against the top cover as he shut his eyes against the pillow. It was on the drive home when he nearly missed a red light altogether that he realised that maybe everyone had a point when they told him he looked tired; it was only lucky that the junction had been deserted at the time. Still, the tiredness wasn't quite enough to offset the unease that had settled into his stomach since leaving the hospital, but he thought maybe it was more under more control than it had been. He had to keep reminding himself that Jade wasn't alone, Lane was staying with her so, even if something did happen, at least there would be someone there.

But what if Lane leaves before you get back?

Beck groaned audibly into the pillow as the little voice in the back of his head piped up yet again; there was always one more thing. With great effort, he ignored it instead forcing his earlier conversation with Lane to the forefront of his thoughts, trying to give himself the breathing space that Lane had so fervently told him he needed. He knew his brain was working against him, but how could he escape from his own thoughts?

He rolled onto his side; eyes still wide open although not really focusing on the switched off television in his eye line. It was as though he was caught between feeling like he should be running a marathon and hibernating for the remainder of the year. He ended up pulling his phone out again under the guise of checking messages but there was nothing there that he hadn't seen earlier. He opened and closed apps aimlessly for a few minutes before he ventured over to the file containing his photos.

Beck loved to take photographs. Photography was one of the electives he took the previous year, but he had found something fulfilling and fascinating about photography since the first time his Uncle had let him play around with his camera during a week-long family reunion. He had a proper camera but it didn't stop him taking photos on his Pearphone as he enjoyed the challenges of producing different image compositions with a reduced camera function. He scrolled swiftly back through the images, no longer trying to maintain an internal pretence as to what he was looking for.

Jade was never really bothered with Beck's photography habit. She enjoyed looking at pictures he had taken and offering a second opinion as she very much recognised his talent behind the lens but, it was rare she would stay still long enough to be in one herself; a source of endless frustration for Beck. She didn't mind what Beck called 'one-shot wonders' when they were out doing something but she had always avoided a full-on shoot. Beck had wanted her to be the subject for his final semester project, but she'd rejected the idea before Beck had even finished his sentence.

Still, Beck was sly and while he'd had to change his idea for his semester project, he occasionally had managed to catch Jade in the right mood to snap a few photos, including the photos he was now looking at. They'd been at the back of his mind since he'd seen the one Jade had packed in her bag, the day of their coastal hike. It was one of those memories that no matter how often he looked back on it, it always seemed perfect.

It had been during semester break and Jade was already in a good mood as his trip to Canada had been postponed after something came up at his mom's work she couldn't avoid. He's been the one to suggest a hike, so they'd packed up early and driven down to Malibu to chase the ocean trails. The day had been spent walking, laughing and talking interspersed with Beck taking as many photos as he could get away with. The picture Jade had in her bag was one from a series he'd taken when they'd stopped for food, having prepared a small picnic in the morning. After eating, Jade had climbed into his arms, her back flush against his chest and, as they goofed around, Beck had taken advantage of the light mood to whip his camera out. Jade had been in such a good mood she didn't mention it at the time, and it was only later when he went to text her, he found she'd sent one of the photos to her phone at some point in the day.

Now he flicked through each one slowly, his expression hungry as he took in each one. His favourite wasn't the same one that Jade had kept for herself, instead it was a photo where neither of them were actually looking at the camera at all. To Beck, everything about that photo was perfect, so much so it physically hurt to look at it now. It had almost been an accident, taken a few seconds after he'd kissed the side of her head but there was something captivating about it. Whether it was the wide grin that seemed as though it were about to split Jade's face in two, the sparkle in her eyes as she looked at him or seeing his own expression mirroring hers so effortlessly, he wasn't sure. Hell, it could even be the way the midday sun was bouncing of their skin, giving both of them a practically golden glow. Either way, the photographer in Beck recognised it as a 'one in a million' shot, in that it needed precious little enhancement; the ex-boyfriend in Beck clung onto it as proof that they had been happy once, somehow easing his burden of guilt, if only just a little.

He carried on scrolling further back until Jade's hair was much longer and his outfits became dominated with his old leather jacket. Incidentally the jacket was one of the first items of clothing he had lost to Jade, although he agreed with her when she teased that it looked better on her anyway. Beck scrolled until his eyes started to droop without him even realising. His fingers loosened around his phone as his eyes closed, the phone falling just a few inches to land with a soft thump on the mattress as sleep finally claimed the exhausted teenager. All around the RV was starting to glow with the strong morning sunlight but Beck knew none of this as he slipped further into a much-needed sleep.

It was several hours later when Beck started to surface, slow to free himself from the thick layers of sleep that had engulfed him. The RV was bright and hot, Beck swallowed a few times in an attempt to relieve his dry mouth. It took a moment for everything to slot back into place; Jade, the hospital, Lane dismissing him. He sighed as the blissful fuzziness, that only occurs in the few seconds after waking, wore off. After checking the time and realising he still had a few hours to go before Lane would probably permit his return to the hospital, he pulled his schoolwork towards him, determined to finish at least one of the assignments he'd started.

Beck found himself more focused on the assignment he would normally, finishing it in under an hour; the realisation caused Beck to frown. He didn't particularly like Biology usually and it was one of the things that bugged him as, despite going to a performing arts school, they still had to take some core subjects. However, as his eyes skimmed over his essay, he felt a sense of satisfaction at the content and promptly emailed it to Mrs Skinner.

He checked his watch again and felt the satisfaction ebb, still too early to return but he didn't feel like any more work. Deciding it was time to get organised, he stripped off his clothes leaving a small trail behind him leading into his bathroom. Standing under the spray of the shower, he rolled his head experimentally from side to side. He found his eyes closing as he simply relished the feeling of the water and the heat, taking a step back from the craziness that now surrounded him. Inevitably, it did not take long before his thoughts turned to Jade but, for once, they were not the frantic worrying that he'd come to expect.

'Maybe Lane was making more sense than I thought'.

It wasn't that he wasn't worried about her, just that it was no longer a suffocating, all-encompassing worry. It felt like he suddenly had more room in his brain, more room to think and more to plan. As he started to wash his hair, he considered their friends, specifically Cat who so wanted to come and see Jade again soon. Maybe if he could convince Jade to set down a firm plan, it would give her something to focus on? Deciding he would discuss it with Lane, his thoughts turned to Jade's father and almost immediately he felt some of the tension return. He'd abandoned her again. Despite what Jade had said about it being easier than him trying to be suddenly all-involved, Beck had a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't last long. In the small hours of the morning when he was unable to stay asleep his brain would fiercely debate who he hated more, Jade's mother or her father but he could never quite reach a decision. He had tussled with the morality of proclaiming hate on a dead person, a dead person with an addiction no less, but Beck couldn't help himself. Up until a week ago, Beck would have stated outright that he did not hate anyone, but now any such statement would be a complete lie.

His subdued mood lingered as he dried and dressed himself, distracting him enough that he had to repack his bag after throwing things in without really thinking about them. He loaded everything into his truck and was almost halfway to the hospital before he remembered he wanted to stop by Jade's house to get some other bits for her. He shook his head, trying to bring his focus back and looped around the block to head towards the hills.

The air in the house was so still it was as though the property had been empty for a much longer time than it actually had. Beck was unable to supress a shiver as he turned his back on the front door and headed for the stairs. He refused to let his gaze linger on the spot where he'd found Jade, still quietly glad that someone had been to clean up although he was no longer sure who. He'd initially assumed they had a cleaner but as his hand ran up the rail it disturbed a thin layer of dust. Frowning, Beck pushed his concerns to one side and gathered himself as he walked into Jade's room.

The room hadn't changed since he was last there, his small attempt at clearing up evident but the room still looked like it had been trashed. He started sorting out some more comfortable clothes before realising that those he picked were the last options in her closet. Deciding this was something else he might have to ask Cat to help with, he stuffed the bits into a bag. He was all ready to leave but paused in the doorway, looking back for a few seconds. The mess was bugging him, although he couldn't quite put his finger on why. Checking his watch, he dropped the bag just outside the door and rolled up his sleeves.

'It's got to be done at some point' he reasoned with himself, still somewhat confused at the urge to clear things up. He started simple, putting the sheets back onto the bed and the drawers back into the bedside table and dresser. Picking through things on the floor was more difficult, the glass was still widespread, and it wasn't the only things to have been smashed or broken. The small antique chair that Jade had often curled up in to read was now missing a leg but he managed to prop it back up, reasoning no one would be around to sit on it anyway. He painstakingly sorted through a pile of glass debris to pick up each butterfly, trying to be as delicate as possible but unfortunately several of the small insects had simply disintegrated either on the floor or in his hands. In the end, only four from her extensive collection remained in-tact. He placed them almost reverently on the side of her dresser before frowning at the glass shards still littering across the floor. Figuring he still had a little bit of time before he should be back at the hospital, he diverted to the hall and began trying the various doors until he found the cleaning closet.

Beck hauled the hoover out and dragged it back to Jade's room, sneezing several times as he stirred up dust which had settled on the machine. Once switched on, Beck began to carefully use the nozzle to start sucking up the glass and dismembered butterflies embedded into the carpet. It was a slow process as he tried to avoid accidentally hoovering up anything that he'd missed which could be salvaged; at one point he nearly lost a small necklace but spotted it just in time. He was so absorbed in his task, Beck didn't hear a car pull up the drive or the front door click as someone entered the house and made their way upstairs.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Beck very nearly jumped out of his skin, dropping the hoover with a heavy thud and then tripping over the hose as he whirled around to face the newcomer. With a strangled yelp, he landed on the floor staring up at a glowering Mr West. Beck stared at him, struggling to catch up.

"Well?" The acerbic tone jolted Beck to life.

"I was just getting some stuff for Jade." He replied shortly, recovering quickly and remembering his dislike of the man in-front of him.

"How did you get in?" Mr West barked, and Beck's eyes narrowed at the implication hidden in his words.

"Jade gave me her key" he emphasised Jade's name, feeling a vindictive when his words clearly hit their mark, although it did little to deter Mr West.

"And you thought you'd clear up the mess you made so she didn't find out?"

"Mess I made?" Beck became indignant at the assumption "This was how I found it last Friday, I don't know what happened here."

It was the truth, while Beck had assumed that Amanda West had smashed it up at some point in a rage, Jade hadn't mentioned it explicitly, but Beck was reasonably confident she hadn't done it herself.

"I know when Jade returns it will be difficult enough without coming back to a mess so I started working on it."

Again, Beck chose his words deliberately, wanting Mr West to feel ashamed at his lack of thought for his daughter's wellbeing. With Mr West momentarily subdued, Beck pulled himself up and busied himself tidying up the hose before turning back to him.

"Why are you here?"

"I beg your pardon?" The outrage was back but Beck wasn't backing down.

"Well you haven't bothered to come by the hospital and you've barely spoken to Jade, so I don't understand why you'd be here of all places."

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

Beck raised his eyebrows before he could stop himself, the childish retort hanging in the air between them. Beck barely supressed a smirk before walking past Mr West with the hoover, barely restraining himself from jostling the man and his several hundred-dollar suit with it. He returned to the room, noticing Mr West had now walked over to the window and was busy tapping away on his phone. Beck paused, it somehow felt wrong leaving this man, who was pretty much a stranger to Jade, in the middle of a room filled with her personal things.

"Are you planning to visit Jade soon?"

The words slipped out before he could stop them, and Mr West froze almost imperceptibly before recovering.

"That's nothing to do with you."

"Actually, it's everything to do with me. You see while you've spent years ignoring your daughter, I'm the one who was busy getting to know her, I'm the one she trusts or have you forgotten I'm her emergency contact and next of kin?" Beck had reached his limit with Johnathan West, he was furious at the callous way he treated Jade while all the time acting as though he had the moral high ground.

"The fact is they nearly called social services because you weren't around and given the level of neglect from her mother that you missed, I'm willing to bet it isn't off the table just yet."

"You dare to speak to me-"

"Don't even try it" Beck cut across him, countering Mr West's raised tone with one of a measure calm, designed to infuriate the recipient. "You know what's really sad? When you brushed Jade off with a text message, she actually turned to me and said she was relieved."

Mr West's mouth parted slightly, this time having no recourse.

"Can you imagine that?" Beck chuckled although there was nothing remotely humorous about the situation. "She is so far removed from her own father, you fucked up the relationship so badly she actually finds it easier when you're not around because she doesn't know how to deal with you, her own father."

Beck stooped to pick up the bag.

"I honestly don't know how you live with yourself."

Beck tried to resist the urge to run back down the stairs, adrenaline pumping through him as he replayed the conversation in his head. He was halfway down the drive when the first twinge that he might have pushed it too far arrived, but he pushed it to one side and set off to the hospital.

Johnathan West stood very still, his only movement triggered by the shallow breaths in and out. The words of his daughter's boyfriend were ringing in his ears despite the fact he had left almost five minutes before. The buzzing of his phone jolted him back to awareness, he looked down, half thinking it would be Jade only to see it was his secretary. He considered letting it go to voicemail but shook himself out of it and answered. He paced around the room as he listened to Carol bring him up to speed on their latest case, the next meeting he had to be at after lunch, the various details that had been uncovered. Mr West found himself making all the right noises but the details seemed to be slipping past him. As he paced the small cleared area, he started to really take in the room. The dark colour scheme didn't surprise him but the subtle details did, the small painted patterns up the wall behind the bed looked like they'd been done free-hand. The small pile of butterflies on the dresser made him pause. He picked one up cautiously, as though it may strike at any moment; it took a few seconds for him to connect the dots to the remainder of the glass and bits of wood that hadn't yet been cleared.

"Mr West?"

"What?" he snapped as Carol's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"I asked if you were happy with the outline?" Carol's reply was hesitant.

"Of course I am, why you all need me to hold your hand I've no idea." He hung up, angry at being caught unaware and dropped the butterfly somewhat carelessly back onto the dresser.

He stalked out of Jade's room and back to the foyer before pausing again, this time considering his contacts list carefully. In an impulsive move, he hit the call button next to Jade's name.

It rang once, twice, three times. He felt his palms suddenly sweat.

Four times, five times, six.

He cursed as the phone passed onto the generic voicemail and hung up. He felt anger spike again; how was he supposed to help her if she wouldn't let him?

He jumped as his phone buzzed, heart in mouth as he expected to see his daughter's name pop up only to be disappointed once again as he saw Carol had emailed the details of his next meeting. He gritted his teeth and left the house, being sure to slam the door on his exit.

After Lane had returned to end Jade's requested 'alone time' they hadn't stayed in the garden much longer. Jade found she was still tiring easily which Lane had told her was linked to her PTSD episode the previous day. They'd gone back to the room and Jade had sat while Lane had explained the difference between the PTSD flashback and a panic attack; the fact she was dealing with both was not a welcome discovery.

Much to her relief, Lane hadn't pushed any further on the 'talking about your feelings' front, instead he kept things light and impersonal by recommending some other breathing techniques and a 'brain space' exercise that might help her fall asleep. Jade was sceptical but strangely not willing to dismiss his advice on principle, deciding anything was worth a shot at least once.

Lane stayed with her while lunch was served, and he switched counsellor mode off almost completely, wittering on about various happenings at school instead. Jade wasn't stupid though, she noticed she was being watched carefully but she didn't bother to address it as she was more focused on trying to get the food into her.

Jade had realised that there was no way the hospital would let her go until they were happy she was eating and drinking normally and Jade didn't want to be in that building a minute longer than she had to; although she had been desperately shoving thoughts of where she would be going when she left from her mind. Luckily, lunch was a half-decent tomato soup with bread which was somewhat easier to stomach than the unappetising 'stews' which had dominated the menu during her stay so far.

She tuned out most of what Lane was saying, instead her mind noting that Beck hadn't returned. It was odd, she concluded, as she had half expected Beck to already be back in the room by the time they returned.

"You can go if you need to, you don't have to stay." Jade had noticed Lane had suddenly started paying close attention to the clock.

"It's fine I have a little more time." It was true but he didn't have that long before he needed to be across town and back at school. Lane was conflicted as he didn't want to leave before Beck returned for both Jade and Beck's sake. While he was reasonably confident a nurse could take his place without angering Jade too much, part of his method for handling Beck's anxieties depended on the boy trusting him; Lane didn't think Beck would take kindly to leaving before he returned.

A quiet buzzing broke the silence as they both stared at the source, Jade's phone was lighting up.

Incoming call: Johnathan W.

Jade stared at her phone almost not believing what she was seeing; she couldn't remember the last time her father had called her. Lane watched Jade closely, concerned as her face paled and took on a tight expression. Her hand had reached for the newly acquired squeezy ball on a reflex.

"Jade, do you want to answer that?" He kept his voice purposefully calm.

"I don't think so" Jade's voice was barely above a whisper, but he could see the redness in her fingers as she grasped the ball tightly.

"Okay, would you like me to answer it?"

Jade didn't respond immediately, watching the phone move down the sheet under its buzz. It stopped ringing before she could answer.

"Jade, why didn't you want to answer the phone?"

"I don't want to talk to him"

"Do you know why?"

"I just don't" Jade was agitated now but Lane wanted her to focus.

"And that's fine, but you must have a reason?"

"He said he was too busy" Bitterness seeped into Jade's voice, a fact which Lane identified almost immediately and made him pause before he asked his next question.

"When did he say that?"

"Yesterday"

"He came to see you?"

"He texted me"

Lane considered this information, trying to build on the narrative he'd pieced together so far.

"Isn't this a positive step then?" he questioned although, in his heart of hearts, he knew it couldn't be that simple.

"He doesn't actually want to talk to me"

"What makes you say that?"

"On Monday he acted like he wanted to be involved then barely 24 hours later he's too busy and now he wants to talk? He's just trying to save face." This time there was no masking the bitterness.

"Wouldn't it be better to give him a chance to explain? This is going to be difficult for him to."

It was one of those times when Lane didn't want to be a counsellor, in that moment he wanted to be a parental figure as he did not agree with what he was saying but, he had to present it as an option. As it was, it was received about as well as he was expecting.

"If he wanted to be involved, there were eight years he could have chosen to be a father. He wasn't interested then, and he isn't now."

"He is your legal guardian"

"I don't give a shit."

Lane backed off; aware he was risking losing Jade's fragile trust in him.

"Would you be okay with me acting as an in-between, so you don't have to talk to him just yet?"

Jade considered it for a moment before talking.

"I thought medical information was private"

"To some extent it is, but you aren't an adult so while I wouldn't tell him about the content of these session, I am legally obliged to inform him as to your well-being."

Jade went quiet, refusing to look at him as she continued to punish the soft foam in her hand.

"Would it be easier if I first discuss with you what I'm going to tell him?" Lane offered the olive branch, hoping it would be enough to get Jade on side.

"Would I be able to stop you from telling him something?"

"Not on principle, but if you have a reason then yes, we can discuss it."

Jade knew it wasn't a hard yes but she couldn't see what other option she had. Once again, the control was being taken out of her hands but at least this way she'd wouldn't be in the dark. She nodded her final agreement to Lane who, she noticed, seemed to visibly deflate at her gesture.

"I'm not returning the call."

"I will call him this afternoon and tell him that we've had our first session; there's nothing else for me to say at this stage" He reassured her.

Jade's scowl didn't disappear but some of the colour was trickling back into her face. Silence fell again and Lane realised he couldn't wait much longer but just as he was about to rise to get a nurse, the door opened to reveal a slightly flushed Beck.

"Hey" he greeted, carrying both bags over to the bed and depositing them with slightly more force than necessary.

"Ah good, you're just in time Beck as I've got to get back to campus."

"And apparently I'm too unstable to be left alone" Jade retorted, unimpressed at the path of events and Lane's seeming admission that he'd only been staying until Beck returned to watch her. Beck shot the counsellor a worried look, but Lane shook his head slightly.

"That isn't why Jade"

"Well why then?" Jade growled, feeling her temper start to flare.

"It's my fault" Beck interjected, knowing all too well where the conversation would end up if he didn't. Jade looked at him, her anger temporarily replaced with confusion.

"I was worried about you being on your own while I went home, so Lane compromised by staying until I got back" he shot a look at the counsellor who nodded. It hadn't been agreed between them, but Beck had realised Lane had intended to stay until he returned.

Jade found her confusion rapidly giving way to her earlier anger, although it was now directed at both of them.

"So, you've both had a conversation between you and decided that I'm too fucked up to be left alone, well, thanks for letting me know!"

"Jade it's not like that" Lane started but Beck felt his own temper start to simmer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, have I been in a different room for the last few days or wasn't it just yesterday you had to be sedated in the middle of the afternoon?"

Jade jerked backwards like she'd been slapped.

"Beck" Lane warned but Jade suddenly retaliated.

"Well I'm sorry I'm such a fucking burden to you Beck but I thought you wanted to be involved. Please feel free to use the fucking door."

"Alright, both of you CALM down" Lane cut across the both of them, stepping in-between Beck and the bed.

"Jade, no, you do not legally have to have someone with you the entire time, although I certainly wouldn't recommend you spending long stints on your own right now" Lane fixed her with a firm look "Earlier was different as we had just completed a session, regardless I didn't want to just leave before Beck was back for another reason"

"What other reason?" Jade's frustration was clear.

"Beck?" Lane prompted.

"I didn't want you to be on your own" Beck mumbled.

"So you've said, and you somehow think that's your choice?" Jade's eyes flashed and Lane now fixed Beck with a look.

"Well, no, but, oh just forget it."

Jade's eyes narrowed, she still felt as though she wasn't getting a straight answer out of either of them. What was going on? Beck stared resolutely at the floor.

"Right, I now have to go so Jade I will be back for our next session in the morning. I'll do as I said regarding your father; if something comes up I'll let you know."

Jade half nodded, still focused on Beck's uncommunicative form.

"Beck, walk with me?" Lane held out his arm, indicating Beck should leave first and he followed him out.

"Beck you should be honest with Jade" Lane wasted no time, speaking almost as soon as the door had shut behind them.

"No, she doesn't need to deal with this right now, not with everything else; anyway, it's not even a big deal" Beck's attempt to minimise the situation fell flat.

"Beck, Jade is dealing with it whether you want it or not, the difference is she doesn't know what it is she'd having to deal with from you which is probably making it worse."

Guilt flooded Beck. It seemed no matter what he did, he kept making things more difficult for her despite the promises he'd made to himself. Lane noticed his change in demeanour but wasn't finished yet.

"Tempers flare, and that's okay occasionally but that can't happen again; it won't do you any good and it certainly won't help Jade."

"I wish I could take it back"

"Well, you can't so a better use of your time would be actually discussing things with Jade" Lane said pointedly "Anyway, I really do have to go now; talk to her Beck."

And with that, Lane was hurrying off down the corridor.

Beck ran both hands through his hair, taking a deep breath before pushing the door back open.

Sorry I've left it on a bit of a cliff hanger but it works out best. I hope you enjoyed reading this - Consider this a birthday update as it's my birthday today.

There is a lot coming up for both Jade and Beck in the next two chapters but they're battling their demons and Jade especially is trying to find the way forward.

As always, all mistakes are my own. Please feel free to drop me a review and let me know what you thought.