Thankyou to Lalez for your inspiration and motivation with this chapter, I hope you like it.
~ Chapter also completed with assistance from Chris C ~
Chapter 28
The raindrops ran down the window as Molly stared blankly at the street below. Friday morning had arrived quickly. She was trying her best to snap herself out of it. She wondered if she was really ready to see Jim again. Pausing briefly, she leant on the window frame with her arms folded and contemplated texting him to call their lunch date off. 'Maybe I could just say that I have an unplanned meeting and it will have to wait?' She pondered the idea before sighing, 'No, that's not fair, and plus a little part of me wants to hear him admit how much of a douche bag he was.'
She had watched the clock all morning, dreading hearing him tell her that she was right, that he was in love with Chris, and it was over. As angry as she was about how he had acted and behaved, she couldn't deny that the thought of hearing one more guy tell her, "You deserve better Molly, you are amazing, but just not for me." Hurt. The rejection hurt. No matter how they worded it.
As 12 noon approached, she sat in a booth near the back window, fidgeting with her blouse and straightening her skirt as she again picked up her phone and aimlessly looked through her emails.
"Hi." His soft voice broke her from the absent daze she was in. She slowly looked up and forced a polite smile.
"Jim," she answered with a tinge of coldness. She hadn't expected her heart to ache again when she saw him.
"How are you?" He asked nervously as he glanced at the empty side of the booth.
"Okay, you?" She asked holding up her defences as she gestured for him to sit. She was adamant that she would not show him any part of her weakness. She would not cry, not tear up, and not get overly emotional.
"Glad you agreed to meet me, considering." He answered sliding into the booth. Molly didn't respond. She knew she couldn't say anything right then that would not cause her defences to crack.
Street watched her carefully as he nodded at her silence and continued, "Look, I know you must be really," he glanced about as if trying to choose the right word. "You must be really hurt and angry Molly, but I, well no I wanna say we, we couldn't just walk away from each other without a proper goodbye, a proper chance to say what we needed to say."
Molly exhaled with a slight scoff and shook her head. "So, this," she motioned around the restaurant. "Is goodbye?" Her head was tilted at him and she had a frowned painted on her lips.
He shuffled nervously, closing his eyes briefly and inhaling. "Molly," came out with almost a sigh as he reached out for her hand. Her frown spread to her eyebrows as she moved her hands away from him and widened her eyes. "Molly, please I just think we need to clear the air here and I want to explain a few things that maybe, yes I know, I should have considered and dealt with back at the start."
Molly brushed her hair behind her ear and pressed her tongue against the inside of her top lip as she answered. "You think?"
"Okay, I get your angry, and that's my fault. You deserve so much better than how I acted and treated you." And there it was! The same line the last 3 guys she had dated had told her.
Molly could barely let herself look at him. The anger was simmering away beneath her skin as she felt her body temperature rising.
"I have been doing some thinking like you said, and I, well I guess I have worked out a few things." She silently gestured for him to continue as the waitress delivered some water and menus. "When you asked me out," he paused and looked at her. She briefly met his gaze before reminding herself not to fall for his dimples and gorgeous brown eyes. "I was speechless. I never thought that an amazing, smart, beautiful woman like you would even look twice at a guy like me. A screw up like me. I had just lost the best friendship I had ever had, I was devastated and hurting. Part of me was trying to find a way to prove to everyone and myself that I could actually be something and have something special."
Molly twitched her lips and nodded, as he continued. "So, I guess, that way deep down inside me, I saw 'us' as an opportunity to prove to myself and everyone else that I could have something meaningful and special with a woman and not screw it up." He let out a sad sigh with a shake of his head. "But I guess, I did in the end anyway." He sat quietly for a few moments staring at the menu in front of him.
Molly was trying carefully to word her response in her own head before she blurted out the rather harsh and choice words that flew into her mind. She slowly inhaled and calmed the anger that again surged within her.
"I, I understand that, but, Jim." She stopped and closed her eyes. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth in the beginning?"
"Come on Molly, you never would have gone out with me again if you knew the whole story of my screw ups on our 1st, 2nd or even 3rd date!"
Molly looked back at him, with her eyebrows raised as her voice began to portray her growing annoyance.
"Okay, hang on, so, let me get this right Jim. Your grand plan to build yourself up and be an amazing upstanding guy who was not a douche bag of a screw up at all," the sarcastic and frustrated tone in her voice was unmistakeable, "was to lie to this smart and beautiful girl until she fell in love with you? And then, what? You just go ahead and knowingly screw it all up anyway when the real woman you love walks back into your life?" Street immediately picked up the defensive and aggressive tones in her voice. Her words had a lingering venom of resentment.
"No, Molly, I never ever planned or thought any of this would turn out like it has. Chris had just thrown me away like a broken toy and told me I wasn't a good enough version of myself yet to build anything meaningful with anyone. I guess," he paused and swallowed hard. "I guess, if I am being 100% honest, in the beginning I kind of did want to prove her wrong."
"Prove her wrong so she would be jealous and see what she is missing, right?" Molly grabbed her bag and stood up. "So, she would come running back," she pursed her lips shaking her head and looking away. "Wow, just wow!" She took a step away from the table, and then turned back to him. "Well congratulations Jim, it worked!"
Before Street got his thoughts together and was able to clamber out of the booth after her, he sat shocked. Thinking how she had just gone from 0 to 100 like that. He realised how much of the way he had tried to explain it was actually like she said pretty douchey considering the circumstances.
"Molly, please, wait." He called as he jogged to catch up to her. As she headed out the doors, he reached for her hand. "Molly, stop! I'm sorry. I didn't explain any of that well and I,"
"No! Jim, What's the point? This was a mistake." She turned away and took a few more steps before he moved to stand in front of her on the sidewalk. He held up both of his hands in surrender.
"Please, I am sorry. I was an asshole back there the way I said all of that I get it but come on Molly. You know I am not good with words."
"YOU USED ME!" She was almost shouting. She took another step towards him. "You knew the whole damn time that your heart belonged to her and yet you pulled me along on a string and made me think we could have something. You let me fall in love with you knowing you didn't love me back." Molly closed her eyes and looked down, and then pushed passed him to continue walking.
Street closed his eyes and exhaled. "Molly, please stop." He jogged again to her side and reached for her arm.
"Go away, just leave me alone." She lashed back as she pulled her arm away from him and fought back a few tears that were building. He let her go and watched her walk away, dropping his shoulders in defeat as she headed quickly towards the nearby stairs, leading down into the park. As she disappeared from his sight, he figured he would give her a second to calm down. He moved closer to the stairs and watched her walk across the park and sit under a big tree on a bench, facing away from him. He knew he hadn't resolved anything and that she probably had been building that up for the last few weeks.
He watched her take out her phone as he slowly walked down the stairs with his hands in his pockets. He approached cautiously and slid down on the other end of the bench. Molly knew that the presence she sensed approaching, was him. She grimaced and closed her eyes as she felt the thud of his weight on the seat.
"I know you are angry, and I deserve that. Can I just explain more, please?" Molly didn't answer or look at him. But she didn't get up and leave either. As upset as she was at him then she knew they needed to end this properly for both their sakes. "I want you to know that I never, EVER, meant to hurt you. What I didn't explain back there very well was that whilst we were together, I didn't ever feel worthy of you. I was falling in love with you too Molly, I just never had the guts to tell you. I thought saying it would ruin it. I was scared you would never ever want to stay with someone like me." He looked at his hands as he leant forward on his knees. He swallowed hard and slowly looked at her. She sniffled slightly and turned further away from him. "And no, I never thought that Chris would let me try to rebuild our friendship either."
As Molly sat there, she felt her anger beginning to fade. If she was being honest, she had thought about everything he had just said. She knew that he was different from other guys, that he had a broken or at least cracked image of himself, which the macho SWAT officer side, helped to cover up to the outside world. Slowly Molly turned. As her eyes landed on him, she could see just how broken he was. She lowered her stiffened shoulders and blinked slowly.
"Jim," he looked up to her, hearing the softness to her voice. "You and Chris," she paused, and he knew that this was hurting her. He could hear it in her voice. "You two need to sort it out and get your acts together. I mean, these last two weeks, I have been so pissed at you, so angry and hurt. But, being alone and thinking by myself I realise now that you and her, have something special. A kind of connection and love that doesn't just come along every day."
Surprise covered Streets face as he watched her explain what she was holding in. Molly actually seemed to be calm and level-headed now.
"She may not have told you how she feels yet Jim, but Chris loves you. Just like you love her. And I guess, what I am getting at here is," she slid a bit closer to him and waited for him to meet her eyes. "I know this is the end for us, but I want you to see that you still are a great guy, you still can be something and have something. You were just trying to build that with the wrong woman. I know that now." He looked at her.
"None of this makes sense Molly, we won't ever be…." His words trailed off as she reached out and squeezed his hand.
"I know Jim, but that's why this, us walking away and you going after her, makes all the sense in the world. You love her Jim and she loves you. You should be together." Molly paused and sighed. "Yes, that makes me a little sad. I was falling in love with you, but I understand now that all of this was meant to happen. I was meant to show you who is right for you."
He didn't quite know what to say. He looked back at her with a blank expression as she chewed at her bottom lip and nodded slowly.
"Give me a hug," she said standing up. "I gotta get back to work, and you should go get that clearance form signed which I know you have been dreading."
He let out a small chuckle and stood up too. "Molly, I'm sorry, I.."
"Jim, honestly. It is okay. I understand. This is how it is meant to be." She opened her arms and he leant in and gave her a hug.
"Ok, I am sure I will see you around." She smiled as she drew back. He nodded,
"Yeah, as long as your father doesn't banish me to the basement for all eternity." Molly couldn't help but giggle and smirk.
"He will be fine; I have already explained the situation calmly and he holds nothing against you Jim. I am not going to trash your career, because we didn't work out."
He nodded and smiled. "Thank you." He muttered kicking at the ground.
"See you round Jim," Molly added with a friendly smile and a wave as she turned and walked away. He stood watching her. Well that didn't go exactly as he had planned but maybe it had turned out okay. Thank god Molly was a mature and sensible woman.
As he sat on his bike back in the parking structure, he glanced out at the skyline of LA. He had the LAPD doctors clearance to return to work, so he knew Molly was right. He should stop procrastinating and make that appointment with Hicks. He took out his phone and dialled Hick's number.
"Hick's." He answered on the third ring.
"Good Afternoon Sir, it's Street," He began nervously. "I uh, I need to make a time to come see you and have my return to work forms signed."
"Oh, right. Yes. Um, how about you come in tomorrow morning about 10am?"
"Sure, I can do that." He answered still trying to determine Hick's mood.
"Ok, see you then," and before Street could barely say thankyou and bye Hicks was gone. He scrunched his lips and put his phone away, telling himself not to read too much into that conversation. He started his bike and rode off towards the exit.
Sitting on the sofa as the sun began to set, later that afternoon, he threw his gaze one more time over to the paperwork that was taunting him on the dining table. Molly was right, he still wasn't excited to have to face Commander Hicks. Slowly, he swirled the whiskey glass in his hands and chewed his lip thinking.
'Should I call Chris and try asking her for her advice?' He shook his head in defeat and lowered it. 'Nope.' She would likely still be angry with him too right now. He hadn't spoken to her in the last two weeks. But then it kind of hit him.
'Maybe I should tell her about Molly? That I've dealt with that and….and…what?' He paused. Still looking over towards the papers, he remembered an emotional conversation with Hondo, a while back when he had been upset in the locker room. Hondo had told him,
"Straight out of the academy we are told not to wear our emotions on our sleeves. To bury them or box them up." Maybe that was how he had been justifying all of this. His own words that day about not facing their own shit head on were starting to haunt him. As his mind flashed back to the park, he thought about how Molly had told him with so much conviction that she believes he and Chris can work out. He had to admit that the thought of that, made him tingle all over.
As he placed down the glass and stood up to fetch the paperwork his phone buzzed. It was a text from Luca. Saying that he was going out with Tuanna and wouldn't be home tonight, but to call if he needed anything. Street nodded to himself as he tossed the phone back on the sofa and picked up the paperwork. He was really hoping that a visit to get this signed in the morning would be as pain free as possible.
He stood briefly looking over the documents in his hand, wondering whether he should just be upfront with the commander and apologise about what happened with Molly. But then again, the commander hadn't even mentioned it when they spoke briefly this afternoon. Street wandered back over and sunk down on to the sofa. He was trying to work out what the commander would say. Would he even bring up Molly? Or just ignore the issue? He tossed the pages down beside him and rubbed his face with both hands as he leant his head back and reached for his phone.
'Hi, I need to talk to you Chris.' He kept the message that simple. He was hoping and praying inside that she didn't hate him right now as much as he thought she did.
Chris was just stepping into her apartment across town when her phone buzzed. She assumed without glancing at it that it was just one of the guys. So, she took her time unpacking, sorting things and fishing out a frozen meal for her dinner before she finally opened her screen. She was standing in her kitchen in front of the microwave, with a fork in her other hand, about to stab holes in the plastic film on the top of her frozen meal, when she realised the message was from him. Slowly she put down the meal and the fork and stared at the screen.
It had been about 2 weeks since she had last heard from him, and their last few exchanges hadn't exactly been great. She swirled her thumbs and glanced at the ceiling trying to think what to write.
'Hi, okay I am here.' Was all she typed. She had barely settled her nerves and caught her breath when her screen again lit up,
'Can we talk tonight, if your free?'
She blew out a slow breath. Her mind raced and her heart pounded inside her chest like a hundred racehorses hooves. What was so important he needed to talk right now? Had he fixed things with Molly? Her heart sank and she felt like tears were building. She shook her head to shake them away and felt stupid. After all she had told him to just make a damn decision and let her know. Maybe he was just trying to lessen the blow when he returns to HQ and she hears the gossip or sees them together again.
'I'm not busy, was just about to cook dinner.'
'Luca is at Tuanna's can u come over?'
She tapped her phone on the counter.
'Okay, give me 20.'
By the time Chris pulled into the drive at Luca's, Street had already ordered pizzas and was waiting with two cold beers. He saw her lights pull in and opened the door standing in the doorway. Chris climbed out shutting her door and looked up seeing him step out of the door.
"Hi," he waved nervously with a smile. Suddenly, she felt that rush of adrenalin and her skin prickled like crazy. She blew a few slow, low, breaths in and out to calm herself as she answered.
"Hey." She began to take a few small steps to move up onto the porch towards him.
"You okay?" He asked watching her.
She glanced up to meet his eyes, "Yeah, just trying to work out why you so urgently needed to talk." He could sense the tension in the air as she got closer. He let out a sigh and held open the door for her.
"Come on," he said motioning inside. "I interrupted your dinner plans, so I got us pizzas." He said trying to lighten the mood and keep it easy. She smiled and nodded as she slipped passed him and stepped inside.
"I, um," he began as he followed her in and picked up a beer to pass her. "I needed to talk to you before I go in tomorrow to get my paperwork signed." Chris nervously removed her shoes and took the beer from his hands, sitting on the sofa.
"Okay?" She mumbled as she sat down picking up a slice of the pizza. She was starving. "Why?" She asked.
"Well," he began as he took his seat and took some pizza too. "I um, should probably go back and start at the start." Chris nodded nervously as she ate her pizza and took a sip of her beer.
"I did what you said." He slowly looked up at her after a mouthful. She returned his gaze with a confused frown. "I took some time to think, to sort out my shit."
"Oh, right." She nodded continuing to eat and nervously picking at the bottle label.
"I ah, I met up with Molly today." He continued swallowing his mouthful.
Chris was just about ready to stand up and walk out if he said they had worked it out. She felt a shake growing in her legs and frowned at herself for feeling like that.
"And?" She prodded, as she placed her bottle back down and continued to eat. Dreading his answer.
"Well, she was um," he paused and swallowed, "actually a lot more put together about this all than I had thought."
Chris threw him a querying look as she inhaled slowly.
"Okay you need to explain a bit more," she said tracing her fingers over the bottle as she watched him blurt pieces of what had happened not making much sense. It kind of made her smile on the inside. That was the bumbling fool she had fallen in love with. He continued to speak, and she traced her teeth slightly over her bottom lip and looked down. Reminding herself that nothing was going to happen there right now, he was still in a mess with all this Molly stuff and needed space to work himself out.
"Chris?" He said as he walked to the table.
"Uh, what?" Chris shook her head and looked up at him a little embarrassed. He smiled a bit and gave her a querying look.
"You weren't listening were you."
"I, um, I'm sorry, I got side-tracked for a second. Go on." She said sitting up and placing her bottle down on the coffee table. He walked a bit closer and sat in the adjacent chair.
"Molly and I," he continued leaning on his elbows as he looked at the floor. "We talked and well, she yelled a bit, which I totally deserved," he held up his finger acknowledging his mistakes. "But bottom line is we are both walking away on reasonably good terms, considering the train wreck I created."
Chris sat for a second shocked, her eyes moving over the man she desperately wanted to reach out and hug to her. He felt her silence and slowly glanced up. A bit nervous to meet her eyes. Chris's eyes briefly for a second found his and they sat staring at each other. The sound of a honking car horn outside broke Chris out of it. She cleared her throat nervously.
"So, ah, you ended it?"
He nodded without a word. His dimples quivered a bit as he watched her for a reaction. Chris felt the nerves building in her again. She was sure that sick feeling in her stomach was some sort of guilt for her part in this.
"Oh!" She rubbed her hands on her knees and stood up, moving about nervously. "I'm sorry, I."
"Chris," Street interrupted. "What happened, that decision. Wasn't your fault." He tried reassuring her.
"But, some of it was." She paced a little and glanced about. "I know Molly saw me as a threat, she pretty much told me that, and come on, she must blame me for what happened with you two."
He frowned watching her paced nervously. He could almost hear the cogs in her head spinning as she processed all of this. She turned away from him and walked to the back window. Looking out into Luca's back yard.
"I, ah," he began as he stood up from the sofa and walked towards her. "I wanted to talk to you, so you didn't just get all of this in bits and pieces tomorrow when I come into HQ."
"Are you back on full duty?" She asked slightly turning to him.
"I will be in a few days."
She nodded silently. "Well that's good."
He tilted his head and could still feel the uncomfortableness in the air. "Are we okay Chris? I mean can we still be friends? Like we were? Or,"
Chris grimaced a bit. She was split in two. Half of her was happy he and Molly were over. Half of her felt like absolute shit about it all.
"Or what?"
"Or did I screw this up too much this time for us to be okay on that level again?"
Chris closed her eyes and looked down. She tightened her lips and inhaled slowly. "Jim!" It escaped her lips like a whisper. She slowly turned to face him. How could he think that she would ever walk away and not be his friend? That hurt her. "I will always be your friend. But this, this," she waved her hand around a bit. "This weirdness, or awkwardness, I mean you need some time and so do I,"
Street swallowed hard and nodded. He knew not to push her.
"I appreciate you telling me, I do," she turned back away from him. "I just, we just, need to rebuild. You know?"
"Yeah, I know," he mumbled watching her.
Soon after Chris said good night and wished him luck for the meeting in the morning. She sighed as she pulled out of the drive and headed back to her apartment. She just couldn't hang around like she used to, playing games, watching movies, it just wasn't, it just didn't feel right right now.
The next morning Molly stopped by HQ to pick up some paperwork and see her father. As she exited his office and walked back down the hall a familiar voice behind her made her spin around.
"Molly Hicks? Is that you?" She instantly recognised the voice and turned to see her old colleague, Mark Layton, standing in front of her.
"Mark? What on earth are you doing here in LA?" She smiled giving him a hug.
"I am here on a case, consulting actually." He replied letting her go and nodding to the files in his hand. They stood catching up briefly and making small talk, as 20 David peeled around the corner in full tactical uniforms about to roll out. Chris's eyes instantly landed on Molly, and as she approached where they were standing, she looked down swallowing hard and closing her eyes. Tan too had noticed Molly and he had been watching Chris's curious reaction to seeing her. As they passed by, Chris gave Molly a small nod with her lips pursed a bit. He was surprised to see Molly give Chris a sad smile and then look away uncomfortably with a slight shake of her head. He didn't know what to make of any of it, especially with what he heard the man standing next to Molly say.
"How is LA treating you? You look great Molly?"
"Thanks, it's um, it's been a journey." She smiled
"Hey, do you have time for a coffee? Or dinner one night?" He asked. Molly chewed her lip.
"Sure, let's grab a coffee." She nodded, motioning for him to walk with her as they began to head away in the other direction. "So, how's Pittsburg? What am I missing?" She asked.
"Wow, well, a bit," he chuckled.
As 20 David continued towards the motor pool, Tan frowned trying to work out who that was with Molly and why Chris had reacted like that seeing her. He adjusted his stride to be back beside Chris. She was lost in her own head, not really paying any attention to anyone else when Deacon and Hondo's voices made her look up.
"Hey, Hey," Hondo laughed as Street walked into the building towards them waving the return to work paperwork at Hondo. "Can't wait to see you back around here."
"Good Luck Street," Deacon called, as Luca hugged him and patted his back.
Tan smiled and wished him the best of luck too as he noted Chris's reserved smile and weird awkward shoulder hug or pat thing she just did. Those two were not usually like that with each other? What the hell was happening?
As Street continued on his way and so did they, Tan tapped Chris's arm,
"Hey, you okay? Is ah, everything okay?" He asked quietly motioning behind them to Street or Molly or maybe both.
Chris lifted her eyes to him with sheer annoyance on her face, before she rolled her eyes a little and just answered.,
"Uh huh, let's go."
He sighed and watched her shut him down as she climbed inside and almost glared at him when she pulled the door closed. Tan scrunched his face as he walked to his door, he might not know Chris as well as Street or Deac but he knew something was weird right now.