Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story, I love your feedback! Please continue to enjoy and review!
I do not own Inuyasha, the characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Similarly, I do not receive any financial benefit from this story, just the pleasure of knowing people enjoy it.
Thank you also to Heavenin—hell on Tumblr for the pictures that have been the inspiration for this story.
Thank you thank you thank you to Neutronstarchild and Fawn-Eyed-Girl for your help with this chapter!
If you were curious what Jaken went through when Ryukotsusei tried to possess him, see the related side story of Sir Jaken and the Dragon
Chapter 23
Toga paced the length of the room, agitation present in every move. He had listened to Miroku tell him what had happened, and how it had escalated to the point that his sons had come to physical blows and Kagome had nearly destroyed herself to rein in her powers. His gaze flicked towards his sons; both showed the bloody stains of their battle, even though the wounds had healed. Sesshomaru leaned against a wall, his arms crossed and his usual look of disinterest in place. Inuyasha stood with Miroku, his golden eyes still tinged with red as he snarled at Sesshomaru; Miroku's hand on Inuyasha's shoulder was the only thing keeping the hanyou in place.
"What the hell were you thinking, Sesshomaru," Toga growled. "You saw what happened at the Ookami compound. What were you doing?"
Sesshomaru's cold eyes met Toga's.
"I merely pointed out her very real failings and inadequacies."
Inuyasha's snarl deepened. "You fucking baited her."
Sesshomaru's eyebrow raised. "And proved that she lacks the discipline to stay focused on the task at hand."
"Enough!" Toga rubbed the bridge of his nose with his hand, but his voice left little question that his eldest son was finished speaking. "I have given you a lot of leeway with leading the training, but you went too far today. And you will never do it again."
"What did I—" Sesshomaru started to argue, but stopped immediately when he heard Toga's low warning growl.
"She could destroy all of us with almost no effort, and yet, she didn't." Sesshomaru went still at his father's words. "She could have let her reiki loose, purifying every single yokai in range of the explosion, and made the conscious decision not to do that." Toga's golden eyes burned into his son's.
"Then why did she release the seal?" Shippo asked from his position near the door.
"She didn't." Toga's words stopped all movement in the room.
"What…" Inuyasha's mouth went dry as he tried to talk.
"Jaken, Totosai and I have been doing our own investigation into what happened and will be presenting our findings to the council later today."
"What did you find, Lord Toga?" Miroku asked as he loosened his grip on Inuyasha's shoulder.
"It's not what I found: it's what Jaken found. That is where I was earlier."
"Dad… what did he find?" Inuyasha's voice was low, his eyes on Sesshomaru.
Toga took a deep breath. He knew that the information would both help and hurt.
"Jaken was analyzing the spectral data. It's used to measure yokai and reiki, and the video feed can then convert the data into visual format, allowing us to monitor and ensure that everyone that enters is supposed to be here, and isn't a shapeshifter. Apparently, they have had a few encounters with shapeshifters in the past, which led them to develop this."
Toga raised an eyebrow at Inuyasha's growl of impatience. Toga knew Inuyasha wanted to get to Kagome, but he needed to hear this. He needed to hear… everything.
"Kagome was possessed when she broke the seal."
As Toga expected, Miroku, Shippo and Inuyasha immediately started asking questions. Sesshomaru waited for the din to die down with a look of blanent disbelief.
"But… but isn't that exactly what we feared was happening? How has Kagome both been able to be possessed and powerful?" Shippo asked.
"She isn't weak Shippo." Miroku's voice cut through the room. "She certainly proved that today. But, I too am curious. How was she possessed? After what I saw today, that seems like it should be impossible."
"Kagome has natural shields around her, but for the last month they have been weakening." Toga responded. "Jaken has spent the last week going over all the videos to track it. The week of the attack they were almost non-existent, leaving her fully open."
Inuyasha soft "Fuck" caught Toga's attention, who turned his gaze to Inuyasha.
"The late-night sessions," Inuyasha continued. "She had been coming back every night to keep training. She was forgetting to eat, just kept pushing herself."
"She pushed herself to the brink," Toga finished for his son, watching as Inuyasha's face reflected the pain he felt. "But we noticed another thing in the videos. As her natural abilities waned, your yoki rose to surround her, protecting her."
"How is that possible?" Miroku questioned. He had studied yokai and yoki his entire life, but he had never heard of something like that happening.
"I will get to that later; don't worry. But the night the seal was broken, every single shield, every barrier she had disappeared."
"My human night," Inuyasha groaned as Toga nodded.
"Your human night. And then she was left alone, without anyone to help guard and protect her." Toga saw Inuyasha's eyes drop to the floor, as guilt and anger swam in the amber.
"When she entered the room," Toga continued, "there was a different energy signature surrounding her. It kept itself very close—it was almost unnoticeable—but Jaken saw the difference in color around her as she entered the training area. Kagome's reiki typically shows as gold, but this… this was almost burgundy. It became more noticeable in the room with the seal, corresponding with a spike in the power. That's why the video showed the reiki being channeled through the knife rather than Kagome herself. The yokai that possessed her couldn't afford to let itself be purified with her power."
"How did she break free from the hold?" Shippo asked.
"Inuyasha touched her arm. The moment his skin touched hers, even in his human form, her barriers snapped into place and it was pushed out."
"She was exhausted. She wore herself out training, then she had the paper she had to do. And I… I fucking left her alone." Inuyasha's voice was hoarse as he spoke. "I left her alone, Dad. How… how do I face her knowing this?"
"You just do, pup," Toga answered affectionately to Inuyasha, shooting Sesshomaru another warning glance when it looked like he wanted to pipe up. "Her defenses were so weak, perhaps, because she was over-exerting herself. Emotional defenses are just as important as physical ones."
"She was in that condition because she was trying to get better. I watched her night after night, training, practicing." Inuyasha shot to his feet, anger momentarily pushing aside the guilt he felt, then pointed a claw at his brother. "But you just kept picking on her, day after day for months, pushing her more and more."
Toga's growl made Inuyasha's ears flatten against his head, and forced Sesshomaru to look at the floor.
"Sesshomaru, you were playing with fire by antagonizing her. And I should have stopped it sooner. But that will end now. She is the one we need the most."
"Lord Toga… what… what do you mean," Miroku coughed, his throat suddenly dry.
Toga sighed. This would change everything, but he was not looking forward to it.
"Kagome is one of the most powerful mikos that I have seen in all of my years. I know of only one other person who held the same level of power, and that is the warrior priestess Midoriko. Kagome is… her reincarnation."
"If she is as powerful as you say, and as necessary as you say, and if she can be possessed by the enemy, what are we to do?" Shippo asked.
"I… think I know the path forward, one that protects Kagome and allows her to develop her power fully." Toga's eyes closed, and for a brief moment they carried sadness. "But it will depend on Inuyasha."
Inuyasha's eyes went wide. "What do you mean, that it depends on me?"
"Midoriko wasn't just a powerful priestess… she was the mate of Hoshiyomi, a daiyokai. They were the strongest pair that I had ever known, but they were not without their enemies. A miko and a yokai, it was unheard of then. But there was no denying the bond between them."
Toga turned directly to Inuyasha.
"It is the only other time I have seen reiki and yokai act the way yours does with Kagome's. Your yoki surrounds her without you even knowing. I saw it a month ago when we were at the Ookami compound, and I've seen it during training. The video showed it going both ways, her reiki would wrap around you as yours wrapped around her. It's… both beautiful and terrifying."
"Why terrifying?" Miroku's voice was quiet as he considered the information.
Toga took a deep breath. "I didn't know how special their bond was until I saw it starting to develop here. Hoshiyomi and Midoriko had shared their energy with each other, and it in turn calmed and stabilized their powers. It was almost symbiotic, as one energy faltered the other strengthened. Kagome has the full power of Midoriko, and the potential to be even stronger, but…" His breath hitched. "Hoshiyomi was a full yokai, one of the strongest who ever lived. Inuyasha, you're hanyou. You were one of the first hanyou to survive infancy… There is so much we don't know… I just… I'm worried. I don't want to lose my son."
"Dad…" Inuyasha started to move forward. Toga raised his hand and Inuyasha paused.
"The two of you are important to our mission. I don't want to make it sound cold and clinical, when I know how deeply you care for her, and how deeply I believe she cares for you. The bond that is forming between you two is special, more special than any of us could know."
Inuyasha felt a shock run through him.
"She will need you to help her through this," Toga continued. "You will need to be the one to train her… alone." Toga's eyes dated to Sesshomaru, who had stayed silent as he listened to his father.
"I really don't want to.. agree with him, but… Kagome has been having a tough time with things," Shippo said sheepishly, shooting a glare at Sesshomaru. "If Sesshomaru couldn't train her, well… how will Inuyasha do better?"
"She was not able to progress because she has been fighting herself. We all missed the signs of what she was going through. It took Shiori to recognize it and bring in Rin." Toga's voice deepened until it was almost a growl. "Inuyasha, you will train with Kagome; she is your only priority now. Help her find her confidence again, confidence that your brother destroyed with his careless words."
"How… how do you know I can help her?" Inuyasha whimpered. "I fucking failed her, too."
"Because you have to." Toga's voice was resolute. "Go to her. Help her through this. The rest of you are dismissed."
Inuyasha was a blur as he ran out the door at full speed, anxious to get to Kagome. Sesshomaru took two strides before his father's growl stopped him cold.
"Not you Sesshomaru Taisho. I'm not done with you."
Kagome grasped the blanket underneath her, desperate to have something to hold onto to keep herself grounded. She needed to focus… focus on, on anything. She knew there was activity around her because she could hear the sounds, the muffled voices, but for the life of her she couldn't tell who was there. She felt numb, separated from the world, her mind a swirl of thoughts and untamed emotions. She then felt a pressure on her hand: heat rising through her body from the contact, providing a buffer from the maelstrom in her mind. Slowly… oh so slowly, awareness crept back in, and she could see Rin sitting on the bed next to her and realized that Rin's hand covered her own.
"There you are," she heard Rin say softly, and Kagome could hear the slight tremor of fear in the voice. "We've got you; you are safe now."
Kagome felt the bed dip as someone sat on her other side, and a feminine arm circled her shoulders. She opened her eyes to see Sango looking back at her with tears in her eyes.
"Hey Kagome. You worried us for a second there," Sango whispered as she lowered her forehead to Kagome's shoulder.
"Wa…" Kagome began to ask, but the dryness of her throat stopped her. Sango reached out to snag a bottle of water off the nightstand to remove the cap before handing it to Kagome, who gratefully took a sip. As the water soothed her throat, memories of what had happened bombarded her.
"Is… Is everyone alright?" Kagome whispered, half afraid of the answer.
"Yes," Rin answered simply with a slight smile. "No one was hurt. Well, Inuyasha did get a few licks in on Sesshomaru, and he completely deserved it, but unfortunately he's likely already healed."
Kagome let out a small sigh of relief. It had worked. She had managed to keep them all safe; she hadn't hurt anyone. She hadn't been sure it would work; the pain she felt had blocked everything else from her mind. Trying to pull the reiki back, to not let it lash out, had taken all of her focus, every piece of concentration and effort she had within her.
Sesshomaru's words echoed in her brain:
Useless.
No Control.
Too weak.
Incompetent.
Lazy.
THREAT.
Kagome closed her eyes with a slight whimper.
"Hey, hey hun, none of that now." Rin's soft whisper was accompanied by a sense of peace and warmth that enveloped Kagome's body.
Kagome opened her eyes and gasped as she saw Rin's pink reiki flowing around her: the patterns of energy reminded her of a dancer, graceful and effortless. Sango claimed the bottle of water from Kagome before taking her other hand.
"Kagome, I want you to look around the room, ok?" Rin said softly. "I want you to find five different things that you can see, let me know when you have them, alright?"
Kagome made herself take a deep breath, and at Rin's nod and Sango's small smile of assurance, Kagome forced her gaze around the room. Her eyes slid over a dried rose, the first from Inuyasha, the book of poetry he had given her, her laptop, a photo of her mother and brother, and her lamp. She nodded, her eyes drawn back to the book.
"Ok, now I need you to focus on four things you can touch," Rin's soft voice directed. Kagome relaxed her grip on the blanket as she ran her fingers nervously against it. She trailed her fingers down her workout pants, feeling the texture of the fabric and the ridges of the seam. She raised her hand to her hair, feeling the strands as they slid against her skin. Kagome looked at Sango and touched her hand, feeling her friend's fingers lace through her own.
"Now focus on sounds, I want you to focus on and identify three individual and distinct sounds."
Kagome closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Rin's breathing. Kagome felt her panic beginning to ease, letting her focus on the room. She heard music playing, filtering in through the closed window, and the soft hum of the air conditioner.
"Two more Kagome: identify two things you can smell, let the scents help calm you." With a small nod Kagome took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting herself focus purely on the scents in the room. She could smell the lavender scent of her fabric softener from her sheets, the scent reminding her of home and her mother. With her next breath she picked up the salty scent of sweat and knew that it came from Sango and the workout from the day.
"Last one. What is something you can taste? Not something you want to taste, but any lingering taste you have right now."
Chocolate and coffee, the lingering taste of the Mocha Latte Inuyasha had brought her. It was faint, and nearly drowned out by the bitter taste of fear in her mouth, but it was there.
Kagome had heard of what Rin had done, but she hadn't realized how effective it would be. She knew she would need to remember that, to walk herself through it if she started to panic again. Kagome felt arms wrap around her and opened her eyes at Sango's hug. Anguish and a bit of guilt were painted on Sango's face, her eyes haunted as she held her best friend. A slight sound from the door caught Rin's attention and she looked up to find Shiori in the doorway, her lavender eyes full of worry and a box of pizza in her hands.
"Do you have room for one more?" Shiori's light voice made Kagome sniffle before nodding. Shiori placed the box on the floor before moving to sit in front of Kagome. Her hand moved to rest on the dark-haired girl's knee as Shiori smiled reassuringly up at her.
"How did you know?" Kagome asked, tears deepening her voice.
"Shippo," Shiori responded. "He messaged me about what happened and wanted me to pass on the following message. 'Tell her that the dick is getting his ass handed to him by Toga and Miroku and he's trying to get it on video for her viewing pleasure.'"
Kagome choked, the sound halfway between a sob and a laugh. "He wasn't wrong though," she said quietly.
"Oh no, that fucking ass was completely wrong." Sango's voice was tinged with anger. "He had this idea of what you should be able to do and never took the time to actually look at you."
"None of us did," Shiori whispered, causing Sango to start. "None of us saw it until it was almost too late.
"I… I just didn't want to fail you, any of you." Kagome's words made all three women's hearts break.
"You didn't fail us Kagome, we failed you, and… I… I'm so sorry," Sango said tearfully, liquid forming in her eyes. "You have had so much pressure put on you, haven't you? And Shiori's right… we didn't see it or didn't want to see it." Sango bent to place her head on Kagome's shoulder. "I should have seen it, been there for you to help you… I failed you, let you down, let you face this alone."
"You saw what I wanted you, needed you, to see."
"Doesn't mean I didn't fail you. I know you better than that. I could see you were acting differently, but I … I just… I didn't look deeper, and… Kami I'm so fucking sorry."
Kagome pulled her hand away from Rin to wrap her arms around Sango. The movement broke the damn for both women, and they broke down, holding each other tightly as they cried together. Rin placed her hand on Kagome's back, checking to make sure Kagome's reiki was stable before moving away to sit on the floor next to Shiori.
"So, you should have seen her Shiori." Shiori could hear the pride in Rin's voice. "Kagome went full blown bad ass today. It was one of the most impressive displays of control I have ever seen."
Kagome lifted her tear-stained face to look at Rin in disbelief.
"Control? That wasn't control Rin. That was… I just… I didn't want to hurt anyone."
"Oh no, Kagome: that was control. I've trained with reiki for years and don't have even a fraction of the ability and mastery that you showed today. We could see the tempest starting to flare, and you pulled it back, demanding that it submit to your will. You did not let any of it go wild; you didn't let it singe anyone. That is control."
Kagome let herself sink further into Sango's arms, sniffing back her tears. Kagome knew she didn't deserve them, she had pushed them away… She hadn't trusted them, hadn't trusted herself enough.
"In all seriousness though Kagome, promise us you will never do that again." Kagome's head jerked at Rin's words. "It was badass, but Kami I was terrified for you. I have never seen someone try to absorb that much power, and I… I was afraid it was going to kill you. I could feel only a little when I tried to help you stabilize, I can't even imagine what it was like for you."
"It was like… I was standing inside a star. I could feel the energy burning around me, through me, but I… I couldn't afford to let it out. For the first time I felt that I could reach out and grab it, bend it to do what I wanted rather than losing myself to it, and… I grabbed it, forcing it back towards me, rather than out. It… it felt like… like my energy was searching for something, and when it didn't find what it was looking for, it started to wrap around my soul, to consume me. But I couldn't let any of it out, not if there was a chance it would hurt anyone. I know that doesn't make any sense, but…"
"It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else," Rin assured. "But I swear Kagome, I have never seen any reiki user be able to generate, let alone control that much raw power. Do not let anyone, not even Lord Fluffy of the Ice Palace, make you think you are weak. That was the most impressive thing I have seen, and I work with powerful yokai every single day."
"Although you could have singed Sesshomaru and no one would have minded." Sango moved a strand of hair off Kagome's face as she spoke. "Fucking ass has it coming after that shit today."
"If Toga is the one tearing him a new one, I can promise you, he will wish he had been purified. I've heard tales of Toga's temper," Shiori teased with a smile. She began relaying some of the legends of Toga that she had heard from Koga and the other yokai, using the stories to draw Kagome out of her shell. At the first sound of Kagome's soft laughter all three women let out a quiet sigh of relief.
Kagome listened to the chatter around her, letting the feeling of companionship wash over her.
They hadn't abandoned her.
They thought she was good enough. That she was important.
Maybe… just maybe, she would feel the same one day.
Kagome let out a shuddering breath as her mind raced. For the first time in over a month her thoughts were clear, focused. Rin's words earlier both helped and terrified her. She needed time to process, to think… she needed…
A knock at her bedroom door had all four girls looking up. Inuyasha stood in the doorway, his hands in his pockets as he watched her. His ears drooped, almost disappearing into his hair as he took in her tear stained face.
"M-May I join you?" Inuyasha stuttered, not quite meeting Kagome's gaze.
"Yes." Kagome didn't hesitate to answer, because right now, he was the only person she wanted to see.
She needed him.