A/N: I have no words for whatever this is. A part two will be coming but idk when.

Tags: Crackfic vibes, OOC!Luffy, Weirdly A College AU

The Art of Giving Blowjobs

Luffy was an artist, but he couldn't draw for shit. No, he wasn't that kind of artist. Nor was he a singer. God knows he couldn't hold a note for his life. So he wasn't that type of artist, either.

Instead, he was an artist of the cock. Of giving head, to be exact. Luffy has dedicated the last three years of his life to its study. Debunking popular myths, researching effective techniques, and performing lab studies was what his major consisted of while enrolled in his school, deftly named BJ Uni. Though he still had a year to graduate, at only twenty-two, he was already practically an expert at his craft.

His art of giving blowjobs was something unique to him, a talent that goes far too under appreciated in the public eye. Many don't know the amount of training and studying the art requires. It's hard, it's rough, and at times, even Luffy wanted to give up. With every load swallowed and every dick sucked, he felt himself improving, but there was the slightest presence of a plateau. Something was missing. Despite being told he was the best in the game, the best in the entire school, Luffy just knew in his cock thirsty heart that something was amiss.

There was a challenge he hadn't faced and overcome yet.

"Did you do your homework?" Sanji asks as they stroll down the street. "I still need to suck three more cocks by the end of the week."

"Of course I did," Luffy says, giving him a knowing smile. "With the stupidly long conclusions written out and everything."

"Wow," Nami says, leaning forward to hear them better. "I wish I had your power, Luffy. How did you do the deep throating eye contact assignment without your neck hurting?"

The younger giggles. "It's easy. Just take it like you're swallowing, and relax your jaw. Then you can look into their eyes while doing it."

"I know, but my gag reflex is just." Nami makes an obscene gesture with her throat and mouth, and Sanji and Luffy burst into loud laughter. She pins them with a pointed glare. "Oh shut up you two! Just because I can't deep throat doesn't mean I can't take dick!"

"That was the best thing I've ever seen, holy shit," Sanji chuckles as he wipes a tear from his eye. "All things come in due time, Nami. You've only been enrolled for a year, anyway."

"Yeah," she mutters, "but Luffy got at the top of his class in a few weeks."

"What can I say?" Luffy proudly shrugs his shoulders, a wide smile on his glowing face. "I've been told my mouth stretches like rubber."

"God, I wish," Sanji makes a face. "You're a natural, Luffy. I wonder if there's a cock out there that you'd actually have trouble with."

"Doubt it," the red head snorts. "Remember you're talking to the man that had a train ran on his mouth." She shakes her head at the memory. "Wildest shit I've ever heard."

Luffy muses with a finger to the chin. "I remember that night. That was really fun..." A fire is lit in his eyes, and his lips quirk upwards. "If there's anyone who can top that, I'd welcome the challenge."

"They'd have to be a fucking beast," Sanji says with a lopsided smile. "Throw you for a loop? As if anyone like that exists."

Nami waves them ahead to a building, pushing open the glass door. "Come on guys, you don't want to be late for class. It starts in like two minutes."

Sanji groans when he sees the sign to the door. "Oh fuck, another lab? This is the third one this week!"

"Fine by me," Luffy grins, entering after the blonde. "I don't mind. Just hate the stupid conclusions we write after each one."

"That's because you're good at them." Nami playfully pushes him through before shutting the door behind them. "I just hope the guys are all good looking this time…"

The trio enters the building and makes their way up to the second floor. They find the familiar set of double purple doors and push through, revealing a wide lecture hall. Wide lanes of desks staircase the room down to its bottom level, where the teacher waits behind a desk with a large screen behind him. Scores of students were already seated, talking in various tones about the upcoming lab study. Nami walks down a few steps, then shuffles her way into their usual seats. Luffy and Sanji file in after.

"Attention, class!" Mr. Ivankov claps twice to get everyone's attention. "Attention!"

"Of course it's this guy," Sanji mutters, resting his head in his hand. "Wish we had Mihawk."

"As you all know, today's another lab. I know, I know!" The teacher holds up two hands in defense when a chorus of groans and complaints arise from the seats. "In all honesty, I didn't want to do this, either. But today is a little bit different. Boys! Come on in."

Luffy turns to the bottom left, where a purple door swings open. A line of young men file out, all wearing a school uniform he's never seen before. A murmur sweeps the crowd as the last one shuts the door behind him, revealing a grand total of twenty students. They all stood cockily; a hand in the pocket here, and little sneer there. Luffy already wasn't their biggest fan.

Mr. Ivankov clears his throat. "As you all know, in our normal labs, we would propose a hypothesis and test them on our subjects that day. However, these are not just our normal test subjects. They're from our rival school- Heart University."

As soon as the final words are uttered, the crowd bursts into surprised gasps and even some shrieks of shock. Luffy looks at the animated faces around him with a confused frown.

"Heart University?" he repeats to himself. "Never heard of it. Hey Nami, Sanji..." He turns to them, but they were gaping at the teacher ahead of them with wide eyes and slack jaws.

"Um." He inclines his head in question. "You two okay?"

"Okay?" Nami turns to Luffy, dumbfounded. "You don't know that school?"

"No?"

"Luffy," Sanji begins, exasperated, "you're such an idiot."

The teen crosses his arms. "What are you two talking about?"

"Heart University," Nami explains, gaze planted firmly on the students below, "is where the best headgivers go. They're renowned nationwide, have countless accolades under their belt, and have the most successful and well known alumni in the world."

Luffy hums, impressed. "Holy shit."

"I know!" Sanji slams a palm down on the table. "So why is such a famous school here?"

Nami turns to him. "They're our rivals. We're just as good as them, remember?" She rubs tired fingers on her temples. "It's just...there's so much tension between us, we stay clear of each other's campuses and schools. No one's likely ever even seen their uniforms until today, only heard of 'em. We only interact when there's a Bedroom Competition."

"But this isn't one, so why are they here?" Luffy asks.

"Not sure." She narrows her eyes. "I'm getting a bad feeling from this..."

"Quiet down you all!" Mr. Ivankov implores with another couple of claps. "Now listen! These young men here are-"

"Oh, shut up already," a Heart Student interrupts, stepping forward with a grin. "Take a backseat, would ya?" A trio of his friends surround him, glaring at anyone who dared to say a word of opposition to him.

Mr. Ivankov looked perplexed. "What're you-"

"I said," the student reiterates, "take a damn seat!"

"Yeah, yeah! A seat he said, a seat!" his entourage whoops, clapping him on the back and flipping off the older.

"No respect," Luffy mutters, shaking his head. "How can they act like that?"

"They have the clout to show for it," Nami says quietly, lips pursed. "They're so prestigious, they have a messed up superiority complex. Of course they don't respect anyone."

"Pieces of shit," Sanji grunts. "Everyone only likes 'em because of their head game."

"Is that so." Luffy crosses his arms and returns to the scene up front.

Mr. Ivankov was growing more pissed by the second. "You all better behave or else I'll call your headmaster-"

"Doflamingo won't give a flying shit," the leading student waves off. "I'm practically his son. Try it, grandpa."

Anger flashes in the teacher's eyes. "Grand-"

"Listen up!" One of the Heart Students behind the leader steps forward, ignoring the sputters of the teacher behind him. "We came here for one thing and one thing only."

"To prove that we're the best cock sucking school in the country!" Another adds. "I'm tired of always being compared to you fucks at BJ. Makes me sick!"

"Hey!" Nami rises, eyes narrowed. "Don't insult our school like that, you pricks!"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch!" the third seethes. "Unlike you, we have a reputation to keep up! We have some damn pride."

"And so do we!" Sanji protests, standing beside her. "You guys are always causing some type of trouble! Are you that insecure about your ranking with us?"

The trio all bare their teeth. "What did you say-"

"Enough!" Mr. Invankov comes forward and stands between his audience and the Heart Students. Sanji and Nami lower to their seats when the teacher gives them a pointed look, then he turns to the Heart Students' leader. "You all need to leave, now. Our arrangement is off."

"What?" the leader taunts. "Don't think you have students that can measure up to us?"

"What arrangement?" a BJ Uni student questions.

Mr. Ivankov turns to silence the kid, but the Hearts student laughs loudly and sidesteps the man. "We planned to have a friendly little suck-off, see who was truly the best, once and for all." He motions to his classmates, who all snicker at the BJ Students. "But as you see, we're all pretty fed up. It was a waste of time coming here. This university is trash."

"Say that again," Mr. Ivankov dares in a low voice. It sends chills down Luffy's back.

"This university is trash," the leader repeats, leaning closer and closer to the teacher's face by the word.

"That's it," Mr. Ivankov grunts, strutting to his desk in front of the classroom. "If you want a competition, we'll give you competition."

"Make it a good one, pops," he laughs, entourages chortling away beside him. "I'm practically yawning over here."

The teacher sends him a glare as he furiously flickers through his notes. "You want the best?"

"Of the best," the Hearts leader confirms lazily. "And you know what? Let's make this interesting. Since I'm the top of my school too, I'll be the sole judge. I know better than these fucks the difference between a good and bad suck."

"Fine. But if they're to your liking, you'll agree to never step foot here again." Mr. Ivankov eyes him with a small smile. "And you'll either praise BJ Uni's name, or keep it out your mouth."

"Deal," he snickers. "Like that's ever gonna happen. The day someone makes me do that is the day I-"

"Luffy?" Mr. Ivankov announces. "Are you here?"

Sanji elbows him in the side, and Luffy jolts. "What?" he whispers to the blonde.

Nami looks over at him pointedly. "Are you not paying attention?"

He shrugs. "Halfway? I don't really care about those assholes."

"Iva just called your name!"

"He did?" Luffy blinks and turns. Sure enough, about three quarters of the class was looking his way expectantly. "Uh...hi?"

Mr. Ivankov spots him in the seats and smiles. "Come down here, sonny."

Furrowing his brows in confusion, Luffy slips out of his seat and descends the wide girth of the stairs down to the bottom floor. The Hearts leader watches him with raised brows, practically choking back on his laughter.

"...That's your best student?" he guffaws, a hand around his middle. "No, no way. Look at him! He's so small."

Luffy glares at him before making his way over to his teacher. "Yeah?"

Mr. Ivankov pulls him close. "Blow him."

"What?" Luffy shouts. "But he's-"

"Listen!" The teacher claps his shoulder. "This is for our pride as a school, okay?"

"I don't care. He's a piece of shit."

"Language. But you're not wrong," the teacher admits with a sigh, eyeing the Heart Students over his shoulder. "Tell you what. Do it, and you're exempt from all other labs the rest of the year."

Luffy frowns and crosses his arms. "No, I like labs. Sucking cock is fun. What I don't like are the-"

"Conclusions?" Mr. Ivankov chuckles. "They're gone. This year and next."

Luffy turns one-eighty, rolling his neck and cracking his knuckles. "Alright, then. Who am I sucking off?"

The leader of the pack eyes him with disdain as he approaches. "...Name's Law. Trafalgar Law."

"And I'm Luffy," he introduces, placing his hands on his hips. He eyes Law up and down. Not bad at all. "You're a piece of shit, but this is for my grade."

Law frowns. "Excuse me?"

"My bad. For the school," he corrects, grabbing Law's arm. "C'mon. Let's go somewhere private."

"Hey!" one of his entourage protests. "You can't just take Law like that!"

"What in the world do you think you're doing?"

"Did you just call him an asshole, asshole?"

"Bepo, Shachi, Penguin!" Law snaps. "Stuff it, there's no point. Don't worry. This won't take too long."

Luffy smirks over his shoulder as he opens the purple door out the classroom. "You poor soul. Do you have the slightest idea who I am?"

"No," Law sneers, door banging behind them, "and I really don't care to know."

"Well," Luffy drawls, a sexy tilt to his tone, "you're about to find out in the best way possible. I'm not the number one student here for nothing."