So here I am again !
Thank you for the kind reviews ! It means so much to me. I'm very happy that some of you are intrigued by this new direction.
Hope you don't mind, but I will be including some lyrics here and there sometimes as I tend to listen to music while I'm writing this. It inspires me.
If anyone's interested, song is Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish.
Here is chapter 28.
Alison POV
The chilly air hits her skin on this Thursday night of March as she got out of her car and walked to her front door. She checked her phone to see what time it is and gasped when she saw it was already 10 pm. Her talk with Jason about some assets took a lot more time than she anticipated. She hoped that Emily was still up, as she was thinking of having dinner alone with the brunette all evening.
As soon as she entered her house, she noticed the lighting was dimmed. She took a look at her kitchen, and instantly spotted the few lightened candles on the table as well as on the counter. She smiled warmly and made her way to the kitchen to get a closer look. On the table was a nice plate of smoked salmon salad, and right next to it there was another plate of stir fried seafood, along with a glass of red wine. It warmed her heart that her wife took care of cooking everything she likes on a day she knew Alison would be mostly busy. She looked around, trying to find the brunette, but she couldn't see her.
She walked to the living room, only to find her wife asleep on the couch, glass of wine empty on the coffee table, open book on her chest. She suddenly felt sadness overwhelm her. She didn't want to have her wife wait on her almost every evening.
She got closer to Emily and squatted so she was in front of her. She grabbed her hand and kissed it softly. She looked so beautiful sleeping and Alison couldn't believe how she kept on missing up on some time with her other half.
"Babe.. I'm so sorry.", the blonde said softly, carefully watching Emily to find any sort of reaction.
The brunette was sound asleep.
Alison sighed deeply.
"I wish I was different Em. I wish I wasn't a coward. I wish I would just tell you how I feel. I wish I was strong enough to just ask you.. Why didn't you tell me Paige is your colleague now ?"
She closed her eyes and felt so guilty. She had been avoiding her wife for quite a while, not brave enough to confront the brunette about the information. Not brave enough to know the answer. She preferred denial. She preferred to avoid Emily and to act as if there was nothing as soon as the two of them were together. She knew Emily was confused about her behaviour. But Alison was just not brave enough.
"The way I love you is so scary Em. It's so scary that even as your wife, it still makes me feel insecure.", she whispered softly as she brushed a strand of hair behind Emily's ear. She almost felt a tear escape her eyes, so she stood up and went to sit at the kitchen table.
The bitter taste of the wine burned her throat. Somehow it felt like her emotions were choking her.
And at that moment, Alison wondered. How could she be so caught up in her insecurities that she barely noticed all of Emily's efforts ?
And at that moment really, Alison realized she really had screwed up.
She shakes the overwhelming memories away as she can't believe Emily is here. This wasn't planned. Alison did not prepare for this, and she doesn't really know how to behave.
"Emily. Hi.", and that is all the blonde manages to say.
"Oh my god! Ali!", Alison barely registers who's voice that is, but whoever it is hugs her tightly.
"Hanna!", she realizes into the hug and tightens it slightly, "I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were back. I'm so glad you're here"
"Good surprise I hope?", Hanna teases as she separates from Alison, the other blonde holding her hand tightly.
"Of course!", she smiles warmly at her friend and suddenly hears Emily gulp right next to Hanna.
Are they supposed to hug ? Alison has no idea. Perhaps a small hug would be courteous.
She slightly approaches Emily and the brunette does the same. As they briefly hug, Alison thinks Emily must have felt her pounding heart, so she makes sure the hug is over almost as soon as it starts.
Emily looks startled by her suddenly getting away from her. She smiles lightly at her and calls for Pam, informing her of their company.
She could barely look at Emily after all. And she certainly did not want to think of her overwhelming scent that she got to relish for almost two seconds.
And she barely looks at Emily all breakfast. Not wanting to make it awkward, Alison engages casual conversation with Hanna, letting Emily and her mother have their own conversations. She hopes it doesn't seem like she has trouble being around Emily, but Alison truly did not prepare for this. And she needed to be on top of her game.
As Pam and Emily make their way to the living room, checking on the girls, Hanna suddenly touches Alison's arm to get her attention.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Of course I am Han. Why wouldn't I be?", she casually answers with a typical Alison smirk.
"You barely looked at Emily", Hanna retorts like it's the most obvious observation in the world, and that makes the other blonde slightly nervous.
"What ? No.", Alison quickly answers, hoping Hanna would just drop it.
But Hanna gives her a look. In fact not just any look. She gives her that look. The I know you're bullshitting me look.
Shit. Alison thinks. Think, fucking fast Ali.
So she sighs. Trying to come up with something smart and something that would make her seem like she gives zero shits that her ex-lover-wife/the love of her life is under the same roof as her.
"It's just... It's just that I'm.. you know ?", she begins and Hanna looks at her like she has two heads.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. For God's sake Ali just come up with something.
"I'm sort of dating someone and she doesn't know. I don't know, is it weird?", she reveals like it is the reason why she has been avoiding to look at Emily.
Yes. You're a fucking Genius Ali. She will totally tell Emily later.
"Oh! Well that's great Ali. I'm happy for you. So I take it you girls aren't in the stage of talking about each other's dating lives?", Hanna asks as she sips on her coffee.
"It's not that.. we just didn't get to yet. I wouldn't mind her knowing.", she tells her friend non-chalantly, wearing a proud smirk, knowing very well that her answer is implying that she wouldn't mind Hanna telling her.
"Waw. You seem.. okay about this. Are you sure you are?"
"Absolutely. I had plenty of time to move on. I even think we could probably be friends now", she smiles warmly at her friend, making sure that Hanna thinks she is completely over Emily. It is part of her plan after all.
"Thats.. great Ali. As long as you're happy", the other blonde says softly as she brushes her hand on her friend's, showing her her support.
Alison holds her friend's hand tightly and gives her a wide smile before getting up to clean the table.
"oh and, Ali ?", Hanna starts.
Alison turns to look back down at her friend still holding her hand questionably.
"I'm here for you, okay?", Hanna tells her with a sincere look in her eyes.
Alison again tightens her hold on her friend's hand and smiles warmly at her.
"Thanks Han. Same here"
Emily's POV
Right as the brunette was wondering what Hanna and Alison have been talking about still at the kitchen table, she gets a text from Hanna.
Hanna : Omg Em. Alison told me she's dating someone.
And Emily feels like the air just chocked her. She feels like her legs are non existent and she hears Grace try to get her attention but she has no idea what she is saying.
She knows she is not being fair. Having slept with her fair share of women when she was in New York, but she never dated anyone after Alison.
And why did she need to know that anyway ?
Why would she have to think about Alison and some girl or-
Wait, is it a guy or a girl ?
Emily feels a sudden headache creep on her and she rubs her temples before Grace suddenly sits on her lap.
"Mommy! I want to play with your phone"
"Sweetie, I told you no more than 30 minutes per day. Didn't you have my phone while I was eating breakfast?", she playfully asks her 4 years old daughter.
The little girl pouts and gets up to join her sister to play puzzle with her.
"Are you still gonna stay at the Hotel, Emily?", her mother asks just as the brunette was about to think about Alison and her date again.
"Hum yeah. Why mom?"
"Well.. see, I asked Alison to stay here since I knew you needed some time alone. I hope you don't mind Emily. I figured I could use the company and the kids would stay", Pam explains.
Alison has been staying here? Wait, does that mean she is sleeping in Emily's old bed?
"W-wait. A-Ali is sleeping here? Where?", she stutters, not believing what her mother tells her.
"Well, in the guest room. The girls are sleeping in your old room Emily. Are you okay with that?", her mother asks but it sounds more like a plea. She looks at her daughter with her hopeful look in her eyes.
"Yeah. Yeah sure mom. why would that be a problem.", she lies, because it makes her feel all kinds of things but if her mother wants her ex wife around, then who is she to protest really? It is not her mother's fault that Emily feels like a mess right now and needs to be away from them.
As Pam gently kisses her daughter's head and leaves the living room, the brunette is alone again sitting on the couch, watching her kids play puzzle together. Lilly then stands, takes the remote from the coffee table and starts putting Youtube videos on.
Emily can't help thinking back about the fact that Alison is dating. Like, really dating someone and holding their hand, and kissing when saying hello and goodbye. Does she live with this person? At this point, Emily feels her head throbbing. She almost feels dizzy really. She needs anything to stop thinking about this. She looks towards the kitchen, watching Hanna and Alison standing together and talking still. She watches Alison carefully. God, she is so beautiful. Emily can't remember why on earth couldn't she just walk to right where Alison is, wrap her arms around her waist and kiss her longingly.
But she can't. She can't because she sent those stupid divorce papers and now Alison has someone else to kiss her like that.
Emily closes her eyes, trying really hard to stop watching the blonde and to stop these traitorous tears from falling.
I've been watching you, for some time
She opens her eyes and watches her again, the way her lips curve when she smiles. The way her eyes always smile along with her lips.
Can't stop staring at those ocean eyes
She closes her eyes again at the lyrics. What was Lilly thinking? Putting on such a song?
She sighs and grabs her phone, trying to busy her mind with anything other than the love of her life, a few feets away from her.
No fair
You really know how to make me cry, when you give me those ocean eyes
For fuck's sake. No it is no fair. It is not fair that Emily was thinking of Alison every single day. That the thought of Alison would wake her up every single day. That her dreams were all of her. That Emily had finally acknowledged how much she regrets the decision she took, how much it did no good to her to be without the blonde. It was not fair that meanwhile, Alison had moved on with someone else.
Or maybe it was fair. Because Emily left after all.
She tries to stop herself from breaking down, but she is watching Alison and she really feels like she can't breathe.
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
Falling into your ocean eyes
She catches a few tears that betrayed her and escaped. She wipes them away quickly, watches Alison one last time, watches this girl she spent half of her lifetime being in love with. She abruptly leaves the living room and goes out for some air.
As she just sits on the porch, she takes a few seconds to breathe deeply and wipe her face. A few seconds later and a blonde sits next to her. Emily freezes, thinking it may be the woman causing her distress, but it was Hanna instead.
"Hey.. you okay?", she asks her friend with a soft and comforting tone.
"Yes. I'm.. I'm fine Han. Sorry I left the girls, I just needed some air", she explains apologetically.
"No it's fine Em. Ali is with them now"
They sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Hanna breaks the silence again.
"Listen.. I'm sorry. I should have waited before telling you. I don't know why I did that. You know me and my big mouth. I'm really sorry Em", Hanna apologizes as she watches her friend carefully.
Emily looks at the blonde and almost sees pity in her eyes. But that is the last thing that Emily needs right now. It would only make her feel even more miserable. If Alison has moved on, Emily has no choice but to do the same.
"Don't.. look at me like that"
"Like what?", Hanna asks looking confused, as if Emily spoke another language.
"Like I'm gonna break. It's fine. She moved on, and it stings a bit. But I can't even be mad at her. It's not like I didn't sleep with every girl with dimples that came my way in New York-"
"Okay, you're rambling. Em, breathe"
Emily takes a deep breath before looking back at her friend. And she sees that same look again.
"What I'm trying to say is... it stings. Because she was my wife and this one true love for me. But she has the right to move on just like I was trying to do back in New York"
There is slight pause as Emily watches her friend, waiting for a feedback. But Hanna seems to be processing what she just said. She suddenly turns to the brunette with an interrogative look on her face.
"Was", she repeats.
"What?"
"You said was", Hanna smirks slightly like she just caught her friend in a trap. She rests her cheek on her fist as she patiently wait for the brunette to explain.
"Am. I meant I am", Emily corrects, making sure she doesn't stutter nor look like she is lying.
Hanna sighs and looks ahead with a mischievous look on her face. A small smirks also places itself on her lips and Emily wonders what it is about. She looks at her encouraging her to share her thoughts.
"You know Emily, even though it would be such a shame for us available girls...", she begins as she leans in slightly and trails her fingers lightly on Emily's shoulder, getting the brunette to slightly part her lips, gazing at her friend's fingers, "you know you can tell me if you still get yourself off thinking of your ex wife, right?", she winks before suddenly standing up and disappearing inside the house.
It takes a few seconds before Emily registers what just happened.
I'm not crazy. She's...
Barely finishing her thought, Emily buries her face in her palms for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and making her way back inside.
Alison's POV
She thought she saw Emily's teary eyes before she left the house. She keeps watching the door, hoping the brunette would walk in again because Alison needs to be sure. She needs to be sure that Emily knows. Or at least that Emily thinks she knows.
She pretends she wasn't eyeing the door for the last 25 minutes when she notices the brunette walk in. She's afraid Emily might have caught her looking, so she chooses to ignore her ex's existence for the following minutes. She knows it was not smart of her to avoid Emily all morning. She never planned to act like this. If only Alison knew the brunette would show up this morning, she would've planned everything. Everything to play with Emily's mind and make sure the brunette would never be able to touch any other woman without the overwhelming thought of her, impeding her from going further.
She notices the brunette quietly and awkwardly throwing glances at her as she plays puzzle on the floor with their daughters and she thinks this would be a perfect excuse to go and talk to her. The closer she gets to where Emily is, the faster her heart beats.
Get it together, Ali. Remember, It is her turn to crave you.
"It's nice to see you with them, Em", the blonde smiles warmly and notices Emily's startled and almost confused expression.
"Y-Yeah. You too, Alison", she smiles and suddenly stands up, straightening herself and hesitantly watching the blonde. She really does look unsettled and awkward, barely able to meet Alison's eyes.
Hanna must have told her.
"I hope we can do this sometimes. You know, for them"
The brunette looks so uneasy that Alison almost feels bad. Is she imagining things ? Is she so desperate for Emily to crave her that she is seeing things that aren't there ? The blonde has every intention to push it far enough to find out.
"Definitely. I mean, we do owe it to them", the brunette tries although there's a good hint of sincerity in her eyes.
The blonde nods and watches their beautiful daughters, trying really hard not to miss the mornings when she would wake up in bed next to the brunette. They would often kiss without knowing how to stop. The only thing that would stop them was the baby cries they would hear from the other room.
Alison must've been lost in thought for a little while, because she is surprised that Emily is the one that speaks again.
She gets closer to the blonde and lightly touches her hand as she starts, startling Alison.
"Ali.. I'm really glad you are happy."
Here it is. Should she act dumb ?
She watches her and raises one of her eyebrows, urging the brunette to elaborate what she is referring to.
"Hanna told me you found someone", she smiles kindly and the blonde has to really ask herself if this is working. She doesn't want Emily to be happy for her. There is no point for the brunette to be happy for her, not when all Alison can ever think about is how much she misses her.
She watches the floor and grins, pretending to have some decency but really she is just thinking of how to play this out.
"Thanks. Yeah, it's been building up for a while but it's official now", she drops as she flashes the woman a small smile, hoping she would ask who this person is.
Emily nods and forces a small smile as well.
"Anyone I know ?"
She is glad Emily asked, because it's all part of the plan. But she can't help but wonder why on earth Emily would be such a masochist and ask about who it is. But then again, she remembered all the times she had done the same, stalking the brunette's instagram drunken stories (even though they don't even follow each other) and being heartbroken over the women she would sometimes see with Emily.
"Actually, yes. Elliott", she says with barely any hesitation.
She knew this one would sting. And given the sudden frown on the brunette's face, Alison had guessed right.
Maybe it was low, considering that towards the end of their marriage, Emily would ask her to beware of this man. Alison would brush it off, insisting that she doesn't care and that there is nothing to worry about. The brunette would grow furious and accuse Alison of being oblivious and not taking her discomfort seriously enough.
But Alison really did not care. She couldn't help it. It was in her nature to not pay attention to the things that didn't matter to her. Elliott didn't matter, hence his advances were rejected and Alison did not see what the big deal was back then.
And she wasn't completely lying. After their split, Alison had gave up rejecting the man. She had gave up, hoping to find some comfort in his arms.
More than once.
But they aren't dating. They're just... casual.
And Emily doesn't need to know about that part.
She sees the gasp, and it takes a while for Emily to say something. She shifts uncomfortably, not sure on which leg to put her weight and even less sure of where to look.
She gulps slowly before finally meeting Alison's eyes and the blonde sees the anger in them. And it hurts her, it really does. She wishes she didn't have to do such a ridiculous thing, but Emily left her. And she has to keep reminding herself that in order to stop catching herself wanting to hold the brunette.
"So.. He wasn't just your shrink", she says as she bites her lip, a hint of anger still lingering in her eyes.
"He was. He really was back then.", she tells her and searches for openness in her eyes but she gets slightly nervous as she can't seem to find any. Alison gets slightly closer and speaks again in low voice, "I would have never, Emily."
They stare at each other for a moment. Alison can see the thoughts invading Emily's mind violently. She half expects the brunette to retort a snarky remark, but to her surprise, she forces a smile again.
"Either way, I'm glad you're happy"
The brunette is not smiling anymore, but she is giving Alison a challenging look. She has no intention of giving up how she feels about this.
Why is she containing herself ? Why can't she just yell or insult her, for fuck's sake ?
Who was Alison kidding. This is Emily. And Emily could be even better than Alison at burying her feelings so deep that nothing could bring them back to the surface. Or maybe almost nothing, the blonde wickedly thinks.
She slowly leans closer to the brunette, not missing the way her eyes widen in response. And Alison enjoys every second of it, loving to see that her power over Emily still clearly exists. She tries really hard to stop herself from smirking and brings her hand to the brunette's cheek softly, tilting her face slightly.
Even from a couple inches away from Emily, the blonde can still tell she stiffens and gasps. Alison trails her fingers lightly and then slowly removes the eyelash that was on Emily's cheek.
Alison can now see Emily breathe again. She looks at her and smirks at her, hoping the brunette catches the meaning behind that smirk. And she thinks she succeeded as Emily awkwardly gulps and looks away.
"Em, you ready to get going ?", Hanna says as she appears out of nowhere behind the brunette.
"Oops, eyelash is gone before you got to make your wish", Alison teases indicating her eyelash-less finger, but really it comes off more flirty than teasing.
Emily glances at Alison's eyes before her eyes fall to her lips.
And it's only Hanna's cough that brings the brunette back to reality.
Soo I know I ended it kinda weird but I wanted to post this before bedtime.
If there are some mistakes I'm sorry ! I did not go over the chapter.
Thank you for reading !