Camera opens. "Welcome to my fucking vlog, fuckers. Now as you know, I, Dio am a gymrat. And if you've been living under a rock, you are better off not coming out. Since you know, virus and all. Everything is closed, including the gym. And as a gymrat, without a gym, I am just a rat. A very buff one at that."
He walked around his empty house with nothing better to do.
"Now if you readers are interested in keeping your gains or start gaining some, it's going to be hard. But lucky for you, I am here to help you fight the worst disease of them all. Being small."
The man sat on the couch and put his feet up.
"But to be honest, you are gonna have to do home workouts, the government says take your work at home after all, hence home workout. Believe it or not, home workouts suck, it's like masturbating to your imagination. You're just going through the motion and end up not finishing. Don't worry though, I, Dio, am here to help you out." The blond paused. "Not with the jerking off part, if you need help with that, hit up UltimateKars. The jerkoff extraordinaire! Masturbating Merlin, the wizzard of beating off, The fucking jizzard, or Handoff the Gay."
Dio gets on a pushup position. "Of course we are going to focus on chest. Because it's the muscle that protects your heart from having a meltdown being isolated, like Sam Smith and his crying ass. Nothing works chest best, except bench press, like pushup."
The man did a few reps grunting. "As you know the focus of this is to push the Earth away from you like what you do to people who ask you to open up emotionally. But here is something... Alot of people don't know about pushups. You can do them without posting them to your instagram story and nominating me a hundreds of fucking times." Dio stopped and got on his knees. "Here is an idea, since you're already kneeling, I nominate you to suck my dick, huh? How do you like that?"
"I don't care what anybody says about..." Dio paused "Anything at all really. You may call me whatever words snowflakes use these days to police speech because I am neglecting the other muscles, but jokes on you, you can't spell FAsCisTS without facts. And the fact is that your chest is the muscle everyone notices when they look at you." The man sat down the floor, he glanced at his hands for awhile before quickly standing up in disgust "EW EW EW! I TOUCHED THE GROUND!" He glanced at the camera.
"The pandemic reminded us that we should wash our hands, I, Dio, am here to inform you that you can work your chest WHILE washing your hands, a dream come true." He quickly ran to the sink and applied liquid soap to his hands.
"Do that fucking pose Okuyasu did when he was explaining to Josuke what happens to what he erases, the one where he clasps his hands, and PUSH!" Dio flexed his chest by doing so.
"You are now doing, isometric work. Now if I didn't mention it before, isometric is just holding the tension rather than lifting it by weight, say like a plank or handstand or something, but the reason you don't see it very often is because it doesn't get your muscles grow. You're just holding a position, it's not great in building muscle but it helps recruit more muscle fiber and gives you raw strength. But who cares about strength if you are shredded? It's like working hard yet pretending you're not working at all, then your boss won't give you a raise because he thinks you are a goddamn slacker even though you are getting shit done. You are gaining strength but what is the point if you don't look strong?"
Dio went back to the living room. "Now the government justified my hatred of people. And now it's illegal for these peasants to approach the king. The king being me. It's called SOCIAL DISTANCING. Now I am no Joseph, but you are probably asking "But Dio-sama, how is pushing people away going to workout my chest?"
The man looked around "Giorno! Giorno!"
"What?!" The boy's reply from upstairs.
"Come down here for a second, boy."
Right on cue, the son came down and rubbed his eyes. "What, what is it?"
Giorno was suddenly went flying to the wall as Dio shoved him really hard.
"WRYYYY?!" Giorno snarled mid air as he landed with a loud thud "Augha! Ow..!"
"Make sure, to use explosive reps, shoving the fucker away! Focus the activation of your chest, and triceps. Make sure he backed the fuck off atleast 6 feet away. Now, since you just touched a sicko, this is perfect to be supersetted by isometric hand washing mentioned earlier." Dio explained before threatening to punch the camera "Stay safe and responsible!"
He pointed the the camera one last time.
"Stay in! Pull up, not out."