People have been asking me when I would update this. So here it is. It took me a stupidly long time to come up with a way I could introduce Mai's pages to Zuko without Katara just handing the pages to him and going, "Here you go!"

This is an emotionally taxing chapter. So have fun.

I might be updating a Zuko & Azula flashback chapter in Subterfuge soon.

As usual, R&R.

Chapter 36

In the play actor Aang hugged actor Katara, declaring that she was his forever girl. In the viewing gallery, the real Katara shuddered. Zuko curled his fingers through hers, patting her hand.

"He's not here," he whispered. "You're safe now. It's all over. He can't hurt you anymore. You're with me now. Remember that, Katara. I'm here."

Katara nodded, his words piercing her veil of panic. On some level, she wanted to bolt from there and hide herself away. But she knew that she could not. She was both the Avatar's widow and the Fire Lady. If she walked out this celebration, she would set the rumor mills spinning. But as the play went on, it chipped away at her strength. Her resolve to stay seated was beginning to falter. As the play moved on to the Day of the Black Sun and she saw the actor Aang kiss actor Katara, she felt as though something cold and sinewy slithered down her spine. Her breath shuddered and her eyes misted over. It felt as though someone was grabbing her windpipe, choking her. Suddenly she was back in the Western Air Temple, splayed on the floor while Aang sat on top of her, his fingers tightening around her throat. It had only been the cooing of a four-month-old Kya that had stopped him.

All sense of propriety, of duties, of responsibilities, flew away from her mind as she pulled her hand from Zuko's and fled. She did not know where her feet carried her. She just ran. Ran from the terrible images that came to haunt her. The suffocation. The reptilian feeling of fear. Tears streamed down her face unchecked. She finally came to a stop at the turtle duck pond. She dropped down to her knees and sobbed. The warm night air burned and froze her skin at the same time and Katara felt as though the walls were closing in on her.

It took her a moment to realize that someone was stroking her hair. "There, there, my child," a familiar and comforting voice said to her.

She looked up to find Iroh standing over her. Somewhere deep down, she knew that she needed to wipe her tears, but she could not bring herself to do it. Iroh smiled and said, "May I sit down next to you?"

Hiccupping a little, she nodded. The older man settled down with a groan. "My joints! I'm no longer the spy young man I once was."

Katara, who had always seen Iroh as someone old, had a tough time trying to reconcile the image of him as a spy young man. Not knowing what to say, she turned her gaze to the pond. The two of them sat in silence while the chirping of crickets filled the air. His quiet company halted her mind's downward spiral. The moments of silence were a much welcome respite from the oppressive pain in her mind.

"Life is a funny thing, isn't it, Katara?" Iroh said suddenly.

"Sorry?" her voice sounded scratchy to her own ears.

"My wife, Ayon, Agni bless her soul, fell sick soon after Lu Ten was born. She would be sick on and off. Once, she was at the court and fainted. She passed soon afterwards."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Katara said but Iroh waved off the apology.

"I have accepted and moved on from her death," Iroh explained. "That was not why I brought it up."

"Then?"

"You reminded me of her today."

Katara looked at Iroh in confusion. "I did?"

"Yes. Today, I was scared that you're going to pass out on the stage, just like she had done."

Katara licked her lips, not knowing what to say.

"As an older man who has had a tad more experience with the royal court and life than you, can I say something?"

"Sure."

"If a situation is making you uncomfortable, is pushing you to the brink of panic, it is completely okay to remove yourself from it. Don't worry about who will say what. The Royal family has already seen a boatload of scandals. It can handle a few wagging tongues."

"That… that's not what you told us when we were explaining the children about the rumors?"

"Katara, my child, when I spoke about the rumors, it was a lie about your affair with my nephew. We were discussing a rumor that has the potential to be seriously damaging. But a fainting spell? At most people would say that you are pregnant. Or sick. Both of which are easier to refute than a rumor that vilifies your character. I stand by what I said back then. The position of Fire Lady is beyond reproach. Your behavior in public must be impeccable. That said, nothing is more important than your well-being. You, my child, have gone through hell. I would rather you work on yourself. Heal yourself. My nephew and I are with you, supporting you."

Katara looked at him, trying to understand his words. Panic rose in her mind as she reached a conclusion that felt like a stab through her heart, "Zuko told you?"

"About what happened to you? No. Not a word."

Relief and confusion battled within her as she looked at the older man in askance. "Then how?"

"Give this old man some credit, my dear," Iroh said. "I haven't bleached my hair in the Sun, you know."

"I don't… Don't know what that means."

Iroh smiled, "It means that I have seen life. I know how to read people. I have come to the conclusion entirely by myself. You don't have to say anything, Katara. Just tell me, am I wrong in thinking that Avatar Aang did something to you? Something terrible?"

Memories of Aang, her Aang, the once sweet and lovable boy who had turned into her worst nightmare, came rushing back to her. She lay a hand on her heart and sobbed. Iroh draped her arm around her and said, "Ideally, Zuko should have been here. But he is the Fire Lord and he has to stay there. You have me instead. Your Uncle. Afterall, that's how family works, right?"

"Family?" Katara breathed.

"Indeed. You are my niece, aren't you?"

Katara nodded.

"Then allow your Uncle to take care of you."

"Thank you, Uncle."

"Nonsense. You'd do the same for me, I know."

As he walked to his chamber, Zuko felt torn between anxiety and exhaustion. When Katara had pulled her hand off him and taken off running, every instinct in him had wanted to follow. However, Uncle had laid a hand on his shoulder and said, "Stay, I'll go."

For the next hour, Zuko felt like he was sitting on a bag of nails. He wanted nothing more than to run to her, hold her, calm her down. But he chose to trust his Uncle. The one person who had never led him astray. When he came back, he just gave Zuko a smile and a nod. Katara, however, was nowhere to be seen. After another hour, he let the nurse take the kids to their quarters. Zuko pulled off the crown, just before entering his chamber. He lowered the crown in the bejeweled chest that kept it safe before taking off his shoulder pads. Katara wasn't in the room and he was not pleased about it. Worry for her continued to gnaw at him. He opened the door that opened into her chamber. Even before he stepped into the room, he knew she was there. His body told him. The prevalent silence and darkness in the room told him that she was asleep. He lit a small flame in his palm and tiptoed across the room to where she lay, just to check up on her. He had to know she was fine. The sight that met his eyes filled his heart with an unprecedented warmth. Katara lay on the bed, her face a picture of peace. Bumi was on her right, Izumi on the left and Kya was sprawled over her. Each of them in deep sleep.

"Sleep well, my sweethearts," Zuko whispered. He debated upon joining them but then decided against it. He did not want to disrupt their sleep. With one last glance at his family, he walked over to his chamber. The second he stepped into the chamber, though, he was greeted with a smell that was very familiar to him, but one he hadn't smelled in ages. His heart and step faltered, making him stumble.

"Mai?"

A pale gold light percolated into the room and bathed in it, stood his late wife. The grief and pain of losing her hit him anew, like an anvil to his gut.

"Zuko," she said, her husky voice reaching him after years.

The ten steps it took for him to reach her felt like ten long years. As he stood in front of her, it felt like his breath was being pulled out from his lungs and was replaced with molten fire. "Mai, is that really you?"

"Yes, Zuko. I came to say goodbye."

He frowned. One of his biggest regrets in life was the fact that she had been taken from him too quickly. Before he could say his goodbyes. The wound of his wife being snatched from him was one that had never healed. "Mai," he whispered, raising a trembling hand to her face, only to have it pass right through her. The knife that had stabbed in his heart only twisted further.

"Zuko, please. Don't weep for me. Don't grieve me."

"Mai… I… I'm so sorry. I couldn't save you."

"You couldn't have," she said. "I know that now. Our time in this world is limited. My time was over."

"Mai… Izumi… she misses you. I miss you."

"I know. But I also want you to know that I am very proud of you, my love. Today, Izumi has a mother, you have found love again, and you have brought light into the lives of three people who needed it. You made our family whole again."

Zuko stared at her, unable to speak, tears streaming down his face. At that moment, Mai flickered like a flame about to die out.

"It's time for me to go, Zuko. I can rest in peace now. I no longer have to worry about you and Izumi. Thank you, my love. You have brought peace to both your wives. Goodbye Zuko."

With that, Mai dissipated, leaving him alone in his chamber.

When Katara walked into Zuko's chamber in the morning, she found him sitting on the bed. His stooped shoulders and bent head told her something was wrong.

"Zuko?"

He looked up and Katara had to bite back her gasp of horror. His eyes were rimmed with red and his cheeks were hollowed. She rushed over and knelt in front of him, clutching his hands.

"Zuko, what happened? What's going on?"

"Mai was here last night," he whispered. "She-she came to say goodbye."

"Mai?"

"I know how it sounds," he said, shaking his head. "But she… she was here, Katara. And yet again, I could not say goodbye. I could not tell her that I love her. That I always will."

"Zuko, she knows it."

"How can you say that?"

"I can because she came to me too."

"What? When?"

Katara smiled and said, "I'll be right back, okay?"

She all but ran inside her room, grabbed a box and ran back into his room. "I was going to give this to you on your birthday, but… I guess this is a better time."

"What's this?" He asked, taking the thin box from her.

"Open it."

Zuko did as instructed, without a question. From within it, he pulled out the pages. "Mai's diary. This is how you found the page you gave to Izumi?"

Katara nodded. "And the knife. Mai gave them to me."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wanted to surprise you," she said. "Like I said, I wanted to give this to you on your birthday."

Zuko ran a finger over the hatch, his brow puckered. "How are you doing, by the way? Last night, you were in a bad place. When I came to see you at night, you and the kids were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up."

"I'm fine. Uncle Iroh stopped me from panicking. He helped me out."

Zuko gave a small, but genuine smile. "I'm glad. Also, sorry. I should have come to you last night."

"Zuko, I'm fine. You had a duty to your people as well," Katara said. "I would be lying if I say I wasn't a little irritated that you weren't there, but after my chat with Uncle, I was okay. Don't worry about me. Read."