Disclaimer: I don't own any of the music used in this story or the characters.

This storyline comes from a soap opera. Soap opera = crackfic-ish territory. Death threats against characters are okay. Death threats against me are not. We are adults, why do I even have to explain this?

Team Harpy, y'all geared up?

Ready or not, here we go.

**E**

I swing around in the chair I am occupying and startle Angela, though she hides it well.

"I didn't know you were back yet. Where did you go?"

"I fail to see how that is any business of yours."

"Well, I can see you didn't come here to play nice. What a shame. Now, if you'll excuse me, you're in my seat." She hints.

"Everything in this building belongs to me. So, I am sitting in the chair that I graciously allow you to occupy. Not that you do much work. Seems you spend too much time scheming."

"You're stalling. Just say that I will become Mrs. Edward Cullen. Or I go to the police and James will have to be very careful holding on to his soap."

"You're so sure of yourself, aren't you, Angela?"

Her smile is smug. "Only when I know I've won."

You haven't won, I want to scream but I have to play it safe. Just for a little while. Just until I can neutralize her.

"Say that I do marry you..."

"You will."

I shoot her a look and she tightens her mouth and shuts up.

"It will be in name only." I finish.

"No, absolutely not."

I nod then stand up. "Then take the evidence to the police. It's not my head on the chopping block." I stride past her. "You really should learn how to negotiate."

I walk out and head towards my office. Alice is at my grandparent's home this morning, a fact I am grateful for. I don't need to involve her in this just yet. It's well known where her allegiance lies.

I sit at my desk and shuffle some paperwork, my heart not in it. I spot the nail decals haphazardly lying under a file folder and I smile. I pick up the phone to call Bella.

"Fine but that is all I'm bending on."

I slowly put the phone back in its cradle as she appears in my doorway.

"Have a seat. Why don't we discuss our expectations for this union?"

Angela looks surprised but does as I suggest.

"Well, I want to be seen on your arm as Tacoma's 'it' power couple. Mr. and Mrs. Fabulously Happy. I want to go to all the society's biggest events. Luncheons, charity galas, and the like."

"I rarely go to those now. I write a check. My money is there and really that's all they care about."

"Well, you'll go now."

My mouth tightens.

"Next."

"I want shares in the company. I know every member of the family has some. And I'll be a member of the family."

"You'll have to speak with Grandfather. He's responsible for that."

"That shouldn't be a problem then. Also, I want to live on the Cullen property."

"I have the whole top floor of this hotel. What more could you want?"

"You in my bed but since that seems to be off the table, I suggest you don't push me on any other demands." She seethes.

"That's Grandmother's home so… anything else?" My patience is wearing thin.

"Yes. If I'm celibate, so are you. No other women."

"What?" I scoff.

"Edward, I'm not stupid." She stands up then picks up the nail decals.

I raise my eyebrow.

"Those are for Alice."

"Give me a fucking break, Edward. I know about Little Miss Fingernails. I saw you two the other day in the alley. She's gone effective immediately. I'd hate for something to suddenly happen to her. Do I make myself clear?"

"Fine. She's gone. Whatever." I roll my eyes for good measure. I can't let her see how much Bella means to me. Lord knows what she'll do to her to get her out of the way.

"Good. I really want this to work. I think we can have a long and happy marriage if you'll just relax. One day, you will see how well we will work together and you'll thank me."

"Sure I will."

"Well, I will get back to you about the wedding details in a couple of days. Nothing fancy, just our immediate family. Maybe at your grandparent's home. The study is a lovely room. I will talk to them about it when I go there to take care of the other business."

She walks to the door but looks back. "I will be the best wife, Edward. You'll see."

She's long gone before I respond with, "I already have the best wife. And it's not you."

*Alice*

I finish filing copies of the last quarter's paperwork in Ed's home office and lock it up tight behind me. I grab my satchel and decide to make a quick call before I leave out to head back to the office. I scroll to her name and push the phone icon.

"Hello?"

"Bella, you're married?!"

She squeals on the other end and I have to hold my phone away from my ear.

"Yes! Did Masen tell you?"

"Yes, through text message." I roll my eyes. "But you know men, so I want details, Mrs. Whitlock."

"I love that." She gushes. "I've been doodling that in a notebook over and over like some preteen adolescent."

"So, how did it happen? Do you have pictures? What did your parents say?"

"It was so unexpected and so romantic. Not yet but she is emailing them to Masen. And they were upset but are slowly coming around."

"So, when are you moving here?"

"I'm not."

"What, why?"

"We're happy with the way things are."

"But you're not. You told me you were thinking about moving to Tacoma."

"And I will, someday. I don't need the white picket fence and a two-car garage to prove I'm married, Ali."

"But it would be nice to live in the same city as your husband."

"It would but he's not ready for that yet."

"He's ready for marriage but not for cohabitation?" What is Edward thinking? When I pushed him for information, he didn't answer me. I guess he knew I'd call Bella and get the details from her.

"Alice, be happy for us."

"I am! If you're happy, I'm happy." I force enthusiasm into my voice all while plotting Edward's demise.

"Besides, we have to do this again."

"Why, was it not legal?" Please let it not be legal.

"Yes, we're legally married but I'm Catholic and if I'm not married by a priest, I'm not married in the eyes of the church or God. According to Ma, we have to do this again and do it right." I can practically hear her roll her eyes.

"Doesn't that mean Masen has to convert to Catholicism?" That's rich.

"Yeah, he didn't seem to have a problem with it. Just asked that we wait a year or so. Which brings me to my next question."

"Yeah?" I'm afraid to ask.

"Will you be my maid of honor?"

"Me? Not one of your sisters-in-law?"

"They can be in it if they want but you're my first girlfriend. You're the sister I never had. So will you?"

"Yes, of course, I will. When will you be coming this way again?" I ask, suddenly needing to see her. She needs a hug whether she realizes it or not.

"Next weekend. I'm still working on Jasper. Have you seen him lately?"

"I may have stopped into Mac's a few times to grab a bite."

My innocent tone doesn't fool her and she lets loose an unladylike snort.

Emmett walks in just then.

"Hey, Bella, I have to go. I'll talk to you soon. Love you, bye."

"Why aren't you at the hotel?" I ask Emmett.

"Day off. You?"

"Taking care of Ed's paperwork for Edward."

"Did Edward tell you his news?"

"About…" There is no way Emmett knows anything.

"He and Angela are getting married." He's gleeful in his delivery.

I laugh loudly then sober up. "He can't do that."

I decide he must be joking.

"Emmett, there is no way that Edward is marrying Angela."

"Be careful, Alice. If I didn't know better, I would think you were jealous."

"I am not jealous. I have no interest in Edward other than a friend. I just couldn't imagine why he would want to marry Angela of all people. He hates Angela. And there's..."

"There's what?"

"Nothing. This just doesn't make any sense."

Emmett avoids my eyes. "You know something." I accuse.

"I know what you know."

I hope not.

"Doubtful." I grab my things and rush out the door.

"Where are you going?' Emmett calls out.

"To get some answers."

I drive with a lead foot all the way to the Murano and double park like an asshole in a hurry to catch him at lunch. He can't shut and lock the door to the entire restaurant to escape me.

I storm past the hostess and stand in front of the table he is occupying.

He looks up with a smile from reading his paper when he sees me but it dims when he takes in my expression.

"What's wrong? Is it Bella?"

"No. May I join you?" I ask. He indicates for me to have a seat. "Whatever could be wrong, Edward?"

His eyes narrow at my tone. "I don't have time to play games so just spit it out."

"Angela?"

He groans.

"Who told you?"

"Who cares? It's not like I wouldn't have found out eventually. Edward, what are you doing?"

He returns his attention to the Tacoma News Tribune obviously finding some article very interesting. I reach over, snatch it out of his hand and throw it across the table.

"What are you doing?" My volume has increased.

"Will you keep your voice down?" He hisses looking around the restaurant.

"Trust me when I say, I'm about to get a whole lot louder and who knows what I might let slip out, Masen." I threaten.

He looks around nervously. "Calm down and I'll tell you."

I sit back, my eyebrow raised in expectation.

"Not here." He objects.

"Here or I start screaming."

He tugs at his hair and it sticks straight up from all the damn products he has in it.

"I can't risk this getting out, Alice. It's not just about Masen, it's about my whole family. Just come upstairs to my office and I'll tell you everything. Please."

I stand up. "Let's go."

He stands up and we ride silently up to his office. I push past him to reach it first so he can't literally shut me out. I defiantly have a seat as he enters and closes the door. He opts to sit next to me rather than behind his desk.

"She got her hands on information that implicates James in a murder and her price for silence to marriage to me, among some other demands."

I blink as I digest his words. I didn't expect that.

"But you're already married. To Bella."

"I know that. And you know that. No one else, least of all Angela, knows that."

"I don't understan...d." I look up at him as I realize what he is insinuating. "That is a federal crime, Edward. You could go to jail, not to mention break Bella's heart. If she finds out you are not only married to another woman but sleeping with her…"

"There will be no sexual conduct in this sham of a marriage." He interrupts, his tone firm. "But I appreciate your concern for my well being." His sarcasm makes me want to slap him.

"Oh, yeah, okay, like Angela will let you get by with that. And I'm not concerned about you at all. No matter how this turns out, I'm sure you'll be standing with your buckets and buckets of money." I stand up and look down on him. "This is a very bad idea."

He stands up so he towers over me. Naturally. "Don't you see Alice, it's perfect. I can still have Bella and neutralize Angela at the same time."

"So you decided marriage was the way to go to neutralize her?"

"It's what she demanded. What was I supposed to do?"

"Well, marrying Bella so you wouldn't be legally married to Angela is not the road most people would have taken. And what did you demand?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Edward. There is no way you are doing this out of the kindness of your heart." My hands are on my hips. Edward sits back down.

"Family veto voting rights for the next year, eight percent more in shares and a five hundred thousand dollar increase in my yearly salary."

"Ah, there it is." I rub my temples with fingers.

"Alice." I meet his eyes. "The last thing I want to do is hurt Bella."

"But you're going to, no matter what you do. You know that right? Even if your bigamist marriage only lasts two days, she's going to be hurt and I don't think I can stand by and watch you do any more damage to that girl."

"What damage? She's blissfully unaware of any lies I've told thus far."

"And that makes it okay? You married her- like legally married. Like 'til death do us part' and all that crap. She thinks she is Mrs. Masen Whitlock, wife of a real estate property scout and reluctant rocker when in reality she is the wife of mega-millionaire Edward Cullen, a person who stands for all she despises: Money, power, and a huge lack of morality."

"You can't run out on me now. You're the only friend I have." He pleads.

"Well, it sucks being your friend." I make my way to the door.

"Before you go, I need a favor."

"Like I'm not doing enough for you?" I put my hand on the door jam and shoot him an incredulous look.

"I need a best man."

"Forget it." I scoff.

"You are the only person I trust. This is the only way I can make everyone happy. I don't know if I can go through with this if I don't have your support."

The defeat radiating through his voice and his posture makes me waver.

"I'm sorry but I don't know if I can."

I see his nod before I turn my back on him and leave the building. I need some space.

"What can I get ya, darlin'?" He asks.

I throw my handbag in the seat next to me at the bar. "Strong enough to calm me down, but not too strong I can't drive home later."

"Rough day?"

"You could say that again." I put my head in my hands.

"Well, I think I have just the thing for ya." He winks and I start to relax.

I've been coming here regularly since the gig that shouldn't be discussed and we do this thing where he introduces me to a new concoction of his. We flirt, I drink but nothing comes of it. But right now, I welcome the familiarity it brings.

"So can you tell me about this thing?" He asks as he shoves the drink in front of me.

I take a sip and hum in approval. It's sweet but refreshing. "No, I'm sorry but I can't."

Not that the weasel deserves my loyalty but I did sign an NDA before he hired me. I'm not sure this falls under that but I'm not about to find out.

Jasper merely shrugs and goes to help another customer. But he'll be back.

He returns within a few minutes.

"So, have you been singing anymore?"

I always ask this just as he always answers, "In the shower."

"Bella is really interested in representing you," I say again.

"So you've said. Honestly, I'm not sure I want representin'. It's just a hobby. Besides it's not like y'all have a record company or anything."

"I know but… wait, what did you just say?"

"It's just a hobby?"

"No, about the record company."

"Y'all don't have one?"

I reach across the bar, pull him by the shirt and kiss him soundly. "Thank you!" I reach into my purse, slam a twenty down on the bar and rush out the door, departing him with his mouth wide open.

Always leave 'em wanting more.

I call her for the second time today.

"Bella? How soon can you get here?"

**AB**

"This is a whole lot of information, Ali."

"I know. I just kind of looked up stuff and printed it all out. Am I missing anything?"

Bella looks over at the mass of papers covering my coffee table.

"This is crazy, right? I'm crazy." I begin to doubt myself.

"This is always something I've dreamed of," Bella admits. She fiddles with her wedding ring.

"But?"

"But this is gonna take start-up capital we don't have and I don't see a bank loanin' a couple of women our age the money it will take to do this. The only artist we have is Masen and he's not 'out of the closet' so to speak."

"And possibly Jasper."

"Maybe, maybe not." She chews on her lip.

"Tell you what. You work out all the logistics, location, financials, and I will secure a backer. I have a lot of connections here- rich ones."

"Why are you so gung ho about this, Ali?"

"I don't want to be a secretary for the rest of my life and I've always wanted to run a business, be my own boss."

"Fair enough. Okay, I'll get a business plan in place." She slaps a stapled packet of papers down on the table. "You seem stressed about somethin'. Tell me all about it."

Wouldn't that be interesting?

"I have a friend that's about to make a huge mistake and they won't listen to me. I just know someone is going to end up hurt and I can't stop it."

"Ali, you can't carry that around with you. All you can do is be there for your friend especially if you're right. They'll need you the most then."

"And in the meantime?"

"You support them."

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course, I am. I'm an old married woman now."

I keep the smile on my face. "Yes, you are."

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph don't let this blow up in her face.

**AB**

"So what are we doing here again?" Jasper whispers as he tugs on his tie.

"You know Edward Cullen right?"

"Yeah. He's been in Mac's a couple of times. He always glares at me."

"He's getting married tonight." Again.

"Oh, and you're not happy about it?"

"Who says I'm not happy about it?"

"Because when you abruptly invited me to this shindig, you kind of shouted it at me."

"Yeah, sorry about that." I sigh. "I don't like his choice of bride is all." This one anyway.

"Then why are you here?" He asks, his tone gentle with no reproach.

I look at him and smile. "Because he's my friend. And he's gonna need me when this goes south."

"How do you know it will?"

Because bigamy is illegal in all fifty states.

"I just know it will. But I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too." He grabs my hand and squeezes.

Waylon comes up beside me. "Miss Alice, Miss Swan is here for you."

My head snaps to the side. "What?"

I get up quickly and crane my neck to see if I can see Edward. He must still be in Ed's office. I hope to God he stays there. Or maybe I hope to God he doesn't. I don't know anymore.

I make my way to the foyer as quickly as my shoes will let me.

"Bella! What are you doing here?" I try to sound natural and happy to see her. Her brow furrows so obviously I've failed.

"I can't get up with Masen and I have the whole business proposal ready for you to have a look-see. And Mac told me you were here with Jasper." She looks around at the people bustling around. "Is something going on here?"

"Yes, the Cullen's grandson is getting married."

"Emmett?"

"No, Edward. Their oldest grandson."

"Oh yeah, the one I've never met. Is it going to take long cause I could just wait around here until it's over."

"No! I mean, no. That's silly."

"Nah, it's fine. I have a magazine or two in my bag. I'll just get comfortable right over here and we can leave when you're done." She smiles and sits in a chair right beside Ed's office because of course, she does.

Oh my God, what do I do now?

Playlist:

I Want It That Way- Backstreet Boys

Misery- Maroon 5

Should've Said No- Taylor Swift

I know, I'm going to hell. May said she's driving.