Chapter 19
Marie traveled the rest of the day, riding hard while she had the advantage of the castle not knowing she had left. She stopped every few hours to stretch her legs. She had taken a guards horse so she would not have to saddle one and she didn't think she could bear to look at her horse Rose, it would be too much because Francis had gifted her to Marie. She loved Rose dearly but any reminder of Francis was excruciating right now. Taking the guard's horse was always precautionary as they were more difficult to track, Rose had been shoed the way all royal horses were.
It was past dark when Marie stopped for the night, almost midnight. She smiled when she found a glade of trees with only one way in. Marie ate a bit of bread and drank some water before she laid down to sleep using one of her capes under her and one over her. Marie had always loved the outdoors so sleeping outside under the stars was not inconvenient at all.
The next morning she awoke with the sun shining down on her. She felt refreshed and ready to go. She sat up and ate some more bread and water. She had loosened the saddle last night but it was too heavy for her so she had left it on. She found she was not strong enough to get it tight enough again and she felt discouraged. She knocked the saddle off of the horse and rolled her things up in the saddle blanket tying it to herself. She had ridden bareback a few times in Scotland and found it more comfortable than a saddle anyways.
She had headed west all day yesterday and she knew she needed to head north today. She remembered an abandoned shack deep in the woods when she had first come to France and that was her destination now. Most people thought children did not pay attention to directions but Marie had been schooled at an early age to always pay attention to where she was going whether in a carriage or riding and how to figure out where she was. She was grateful for that and hoped she would find the shack quickly. She wanted some meat or fish for dinner this evening. She knew she could catch a rabbit or fashion a spear for a couple of fish. She had watched the servants enough to know how to cook all sorts of things by now and she found it was relaxing to cook. Focusing on things she needed to survive were distracting her from the painful dictations of her heart and she welcomed them.
Meanwhile back at the Castle, King Henry and Bash and the soldiers had returned with no luck, not even a hint of a trail.
"Did you have to teach her every nuance of tracking," he scolded his son.
Bash shrugged, "most girls don't even pay attention," he grinned.
"And we both know she is not most girls, don't we?" the King mocked.
Bash quickly lost his smile, he was worried about Marie too. He had no idea why she had left in this way but he could hazard a guess as he looked up at his brother who was watching from a window with a tortured look on his face.
"Any luck?" the Queen came out to greet King Henry. He shook his head, "apparently Francis and Bash have been busy, they've not only taught her how to track but how to cover up her tracks as well as how to hunt small game and fish and how to avoid soldiers. Not even a trace of her," the King said disgusted.
I'm sending out more troops to search everywhere within 2 days ride," he told her as he headed up the stairs.
"You don't think she'll go further than that? Why?" she asked.
"It's a long ride for a man let alone a little girl and she'll want to stay where there is cover and protection, probably in the woods."
"I need sleep," the King said as he headed to his chambers. "Francis?" he asked.
"I had to put him in the tower so we didn't have two problems on our hands," she sighed. I'm going to retrieve him now and see what happened," she promised.
King Henry nodded as he went to sleep.
The Queen arrived at the tower and as she unlocked the door she looked in to see him sitting, staring off into space, still clutching the letter.
"Come Francis," she told him smiling.
He looked up startled but didn't move.
"Francis?" she asked.
He shook his head, "I'm staying here until she is found," he told his mother, "just when you find her, please make her come back. I'll stay up here from now on if she'll only come back," he whispered.
"Francis come, let's talk and if you want to come back here later we'll discuss it," she promised.
He sighed and got up taking his mother's hand. They walked back to his chambers where she told him to clean up and get dressed and then join her for breakfast.
It was a few hours past their regular breakfast time so it was just he and his mother when he arrived.
"While you eat I would like it very much if you would tell me what happened in Marie's room yesterday," she said.
He nodded as he told her about Marie being unresponsive, and then their conversation and then Marie telling him more about the connection ability she had with him and how he had told her they should go to the festival separately.
Katherine was amazed, 'Francis and Marie were both dealing with relationship issues that should not have come up for at least another 2-3 years, no wonder her son had no idea what to do.'
Katherine smiled, 'She is your equal in every way, isn't she. Even though she is 2 years younger she understands more than you do sometimes, am I right?"
Francis nodded, "I've tried to tell you and Father, but I don't think either of you wanted to hear it."
"Oh Francis, it is quite a mess but we will find her. Marie loves you, she said that clear enough in the letter. Promise me you will not go after her?" she requested. "And I mean it! I can't have both of you out there lost. I already worry for Marie, she is like a daughter to me."
Francis looked at his mother, "I promise I won't go after her alone," he told her, "even though everything in me is telling me to do so."
"Thank you my son," she told him.
"What will you do today?" she asked.
"I need to think," he told his mother solemnly, I won't leave the castle grounds," he promised giving her a kiss on the cheek.
Francis found himself in a favorite tree of his and Marie's. He could hear her laugher and her giggling as they raced up the tree and then chased each other down below. They often would climb back up and sit and talk for hours.
"Francis!" he heard a voice below him and looked down to see Lola. "May I join you please?" she asked.
Francis nodded reluctantly. Lola was a good climber and was next to him in no time. "Are you alright?" she asked sadly.
He shook his head, "not really."
Lola smiled, "well if you need to talk I am happy to listen" she told him. "Maybe I can help, Marie and I have been together a long time."
"Then you know about her special ability?" he asked.
Lola nodded, "Marie has talked to me about that many times. She first felt it when we were three, she was always very cold even when it was warm outside but physically the physicians said there was nothing wrong with her."
Francis looked at her curiously, "she has felt it with other people?"
Lola nodded, only one other, her Mother. Lola looked sad, "Marie De Guise never spent any time with Marie and when she was around it was always about politics or to scold her even though Marie excels at everything."
She took a deep breath looking at the ground. "By the time we were four Marie realized the cold feeling in her heart was from her Mother. When she figured it out she also realized she could protect herself from the feeling so when her mother was due to come around that is what she did. But it took its toll on Marie, it takes a lot of energy to do that and it put her into a state of an awake coma, it was awful."
Francis gulped, "that's how I found her yesterday after we argued," he admitted.
"Oh no!" Lola said. "How did you get her out of it? It was weeks before she came out of it a few years ago. We were all very scared for her!"
"I, I don't know, I held her hand, talked to her, laid next to her. It took awhile but she came out."
"They physicians told her if she kept putting herself into that state that it would weaken her physical heart and that she may not make it to the age of majority," Lola said. "My Queen is strong but she's had so much pain in her short life. She was excited to come to France, to start over and to be away from her mother for a true chance to live a healthy life and serve her country with an alliance to France."
Francis took a deep breath, he didn't like confiding in anyone except Marie but if it could help him to help Marie wasn't it worth it? To push himself to do so.
"If I tell you something, will you promise to keep it just between us," he asked her, looking at her earnestly.
"Of course," she told him, looking at him curiously.
"Marie told me she could feel that I closed my heart off to her yesterday, that I shielded it and she couldn't feel it anymore but I don't know how to fix that," he admitted.
Lola sighed, thinking for a moment. "When you think of Marie what kind of memories do you have right now?"
"Mostly I'm replaying everything that happened yesterday. Our fight at breakfast, her and I fighting an hour later and then later in her chambers."
Lola nodded, "Francis you're focused on all of the bad things that happened. Marie calls them toxic memories. She says these kinds of memories cause pain and hurt and the body instinctively tries to protect itself in any way it can from more of the same."
"How do I remember the good ones when she is gone, all the memories are painful now," he told her.
Lola nodded, "Francis Marie loves you and the way she left, it wasn't right but at the time I think she thought it was the only way to escape the immense pain. She feels things ten times more deeply than you or I."
He nodded, he knew that she felt things like that.
"Can you find a memory that makes you laugh with her, that makes you feel joy instead of sadness? If you can hold onto that memory, let the others go, let that one enter your heart and it will help you to heal."
He smiled, "thank you, I think I can do that," he told her.
"I have heard gossip that Nostradamus says we all have some kind of ability but just some of us are more open to it than others and Marie is one of the rare ones that it just came natural to her," Lola explained.
"You mean I might have an ability with her that nobody else has?" he asked surprised.
Lola nodded, "it would not surprise me, you and Marie are very special. I've heard many others say it around court and even your Mother and Father boast about it."
"Thanks Lola!" he said excitedly as he jumped out of the tree.
"Where are you going?" she asked smiling.
"To see Nostradamus," he smiled for the first time today.
Lola giggled as she watched him race away.
Francis found himself at the door to see Nostradamus and as he was let in he explained to Nostradamus why he was there.
"So you want to find out what your ability is young prince?" he asked.
Francis nodded, "could it be the same as Marie's?" he asked.
Nostradamus shook his head, "everyone's ability is unique to them and presents itself in a way that each person can understand best," he explained.
Francis nodded, "can you help me with this?" he asked.
"Why don't you tell me why you want to do this" the older man said.
Francis looked down, "you know that Marie left and she could be in danger?
Nostradamus nodded, "but why do YOU want this Francis?"
"Because it's my fault she left and because I want to be able to help and protect her. I will be king one day and I hope it would help me to be a better king also. I don't want it so much for me as to help others," he said earnestly looking into Nostradamus' eyes.
He saw him smile, that is an excellent reason," he told him. "These kinds of abilities often don't serve us, they are to help us serve others but there is no telling what each person's ability is until it comes through and it often takes an adjustment period to learn to live with it and to learn how it works," he warned.
"I want to do this," Francis told him.
Nostradamus stood up, "well then we will get started. I will need to put you into a special state of mind where your eyes are closed and your subconscious is asleep but your mind aware of what is going on," he explained. "We will then ask your inner being to bring forth your ability in the best way possible for you and all others it concerns."
"That sounds complicated," Francis said. "Is it dangerous?"
Nostradamus shook his head, "no, not at all. After that we will wake you up and you will drink a potion to help you sleep deeply tonight. You may have strange dreams but we can work on the meanings of them together," he promised.
Francis nodded as he lay on the bed as indicated and Nostradamus set to work.
That evening Francis was in much better spirits, he felt different somehow after seeing Nostradamus and he'd asked him to keep their session from his mother. He had agreed and given Francis the potion to drink before he went to sleep that night.
Meanwhile 2 days ride to the northwest Marie was sitting comfortably in what she had discovered was a hunting cabin. She had filled her belly with cooked fish and was peacefully sleepy now. She sat in the dark dozing off when she heard horses and men.
She gasped and looked for somewhere to hide. There was a bed in the next room and she crawled under it. She heard someone come into the main room, tell another 'it was here' and then he left again. She heard the horses leave but she stayed where she was. She knew she wouldn't be able to stay here if people were coming and going, she would have to leave in the morning. Marie fell asleep under the bed and the next morning she walked out to the horse, glad she had thought to hide him last night. She gave him a couple apples and a ration of grain she had found here. She began riding until she was a few hours from the shack and then began to looking for a place that would provide shelter, water and food for as long as she needed it.
Mid-day she found a spot, it was even hidden behind a waterfall and she had seen rabbits hopping around and had found fish further downstream. She made herself some dinner and ate and then settled down as it became dark outside. She felt cozy and safe here. She was wide awake though and unable to sleep and she knew she had to stop avoiding the reasons why she was here and not where she was supposed to be.
She did miss everyone, especially, Katherine. She didn't want to admit to missing Francis, but she did, and deeply. She wondered if he missed her. What was his reaction when he found out she had left him? Her thoughts carried her on waves of emotion until she passed out from exhaustion but only for a short while. She found herself awake and gasping for breath in the wee hours of the morning. She grabbed her chest, she knew what was happening, she just didn't believe it. The icy feeling was melting and being replaced with warm heat. It was only about 1/3 of her heart that was warmed but it was something and she rejoiced. Could it be true that Francis really did love her? That he missed her? He had told her they shouldn't spend time together that day at the festival and he'd had no intention of attending the ball with her. That had hurt beyond words and she had suspected he had taken someone else. Marie was young but she already knew that when she wed she wanted at least a friendship with the man who would be her husband. She'd seen King Henry take others into his bed chambers and she had seen how much it hurt Katherine. Marie knew she didn't want to live like that but it seemed she was destined to, as Francis was already wanting to be with others instead of her.