Bingley caught Jane heading to a side door of Pemberley in her riding habit the next morning.
"Mrs Collins," he called. "Are you going for a ride? May I join you?"
She smiled serenely. "You may."
When they stepped outside and began the walk to the stables he drew her into conversation. "How long have you lived here at Pemberley now?" he asked.
"We came at the end of October. Originally we were supposed to stay only for two months or so after William's birth, but - well - it became permanent for me."
He nodded in understanding. "And are you happy here?"
"Oh, yes," she said earnestly. "This place is a paradise. I never dreamed I would ever live in such a home. Indeed, I do not feel I deserve such luxury, but the generosity of my sister and brother has allowed it and I am endlessly grateful."
"Mrs Collins, from everything I have heard of you I believe you are most deserving, and clearly the Darcys know it as well."
Blushing, she answered, "Well, I might not have accepted their invitation to move in if I did not believe it would be the best for my son. I must return to Longbourn eventually, but I am in no hurry."
"When have you last seen Longbourn?" he asked curiously. "I do not believe I have heard of you visiting since your marriage."
"That is correct; I have not. I know I ought to - it is my more rightful home, and my son is the heir - but I have seen my family here twice, and they will come again this summer when my nephew or niece is born. That is enough for me, right now."
They walked a few moments in silence. He could tell she was gathering her thoughts, so he waited.
She did not know what compelled her to further explain her feelings, but she wanted him to understand. "I do not fear Longbourn itself; it is the neighbourhood. I believe - perhaps I am wrong and being uncharitable, but I know the families there, and I do not want to be the subject of gossip. I likely already am, but I do not want to see it. I do not want their pity, being a widow after less than two years and returning to my childhood home to live with my unmarried sisters. And more than that, I do not want to go there and see everyone else be the same as they ever were, when I feel so different from the person I was when I left. I am being cowardly, but that is how it is."
Bingley lightly took her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. "You are not cowardly," he said looking at her. "You have had a difficult year. You must do whatever you require to recover from your experience, for your son's sake and also your own. You have all the time in the world to go back there and it should not occur a single day before you feel ready."
She nodded. He saw her eyes shining, but outwardly she was completely composed. He was moved by her strength.
He continued: "I too feel different from the person I was only two years ago. Not all my friends understand my new outlook and habits, but Darcy does. I have begun to surround myself only with people who are supportive, and you are doing the right thing by doing the same."
"Thank you, Mr Bingley."
She reflected on his words, and he watched her.
After a minute she smiled up at him. "Now, are you ready for our ride?"
He looked ahead, surprised that they were already there. "I am very much looking forward to it," he said warmly.
When they approached the entrance the stable boy came to meet them. "Which saddle do you want to use, ma'am?"
"Oh," Jane glanced quickly at Bingley, "the side-saddle, please."
"Please do not mind me," he attempted to reassure her; "you may ride astride if you prefer. I will not tell anyone," he added with a grin.
She laughed lightly, and shook her head. "Thank you, but I will ride side-saddle."
Their ride was most pleasant. She could not achieve the same speed seated that way, but he allowed her to set the pace and direction. He cared not how fast or how far they went as long as he could enjoy her companionship.
Later, as they walked back to the house he amused her with stories from his recent sojourn in London, feeling pleased as her spirits rose from their earlier serious discussion. She had a charming laugh that he endeavoured to provoke frequently.
"Thank you for the ride and conversations, Mr Bingley," she said as they climbed the staircase inside.
"The pleasure was all mine," he replied.
They smiled and separated to their respective floors to refresh themselves in their rooms, happy in the knowledge that they would be in company again soon.
#
A routine became established over the following days. Bingley joined Jane each morning to ride across the fields. After a few days she relented to his coaxing and switched back to riding astride, which she truly preferred. They enjoyed their walks to and from the stables as much as the exercise itself, for those were the times they could partake of their only private conversation of the day.
The rest of each day would be spent with the others; sometimes Bingley and Darcy separated for their own activities, other times the entire group was together. Meals were more lively for having such an addition to their family party. Whenever Jane brought William from the nursery Bingley eagerly took a turn playing with the little fellow. He loved children for their pureness and simple joy, and William rapidly grew attached to the jovial man who would always make him laugh and have a toy handy. Watching them together made Jane's heart swell.
One day, about a week after Bingley's arrival, Jane sought out her sister while the gentlemen were playing billiards and Georgiana was practising the pianoforte.
"Lizzy, I need your help," she said.
Seeing her distress, Elizabeth immediately stood up from her work and pulled Jane to a settee to sit together.
"What is the matter?" she asked with growing concern, seeing her sister's furrowed brow.
"Well, I - I rather like Mr Bingley," Jane said. She blushed and looked down.
Elizabeth's lips split into a wide grin. "I am very happy to hear that," she replied.
"No, Lizzy - I mean," - she covered her face with her hands - "I mean I like him. In the way you liked Fitzwilliam when you met in Kent."
Elizabeth pulled Jane's hands from her face and held them in her own. "I know," she said gently. "I am glad."
"But no, I cannot," Jane cried. "It is improper. It is… indecent. I am still in full mourning," and she gestured to her black dress.
"Listen to me. I understand your concern. You feel you are dishonouring your late husband."
Jane nodded.
"But you are not courting. You are not going out in society or dancing. Whatever your feelings may be, you are not doing anything wrong."
"But that cannot be enough. I cannot forget him so soon as to have these feelings for another man - feelings I never even had for him," she finished in a whisper.
"You cannot help your feelings, only your actions. You are the most perfectly proper woman I know. Right now you are merely making a friend. Perhaps that will become more in the future, when you are at liberty to become attached, but you need not concern yourself with the future just yet. Adding people to your life does not mean you have forgotten anyone from your past."
"Lizzy, what if my feelings grow during his visit, and then he leaves and forgets me? What if he will not wait for me?"
"Then he will not be worthy of you, my dear Jane." Elizabeth squeezed her hands, which were still in her own. "He knows your situation. I believe he cares for you too, and he will respect the limitations that must be imposed on you while you are both here. If he forgets you when he leaves, then you must forget him and be happy knowing that you learned he was wrong for you before any courtship occurred or promises were made."
"And what if he does not forget me? When will I see him again?"
"We will find a way," Elizabeth smiled. "Perhaps you will come to London with us this autumn or winter and he will be there. Perhaps you will visit Longbourn while he is residing at Netherfield. Recall how Fitzwilliam and I found each other again last year after four months apart; it will happen if it is meant to be."
Jane nodded vigorously and looked at the floor, thinking hard. Elizabeth did not think she was dishonouring her mourning period; was she correct? Did Mr Bingley truly return her nascent feelings?
"I feel that he really listens when I talk, and that he truly understands me, Lizzy," she said. "I never felt that Mr Collins listened to me. I scarcely even spoke to him, he did so much talking himself. It is wonderful to feel heard."
She finally looked at her sister again, who smiled reassuringly.
"You deserve every happiness, and to be appreciated for who you are. You have waited so long for it, and you must wait a little more, but I believe it will happen for you," Elizabeth told her.
"Thank you. I have been happy this past week since he came, but it has been clouded by my feelings of guilt… but I will do as you say. I will only think of it as making a friend, and expect nothing. If we are meant to be more it will happen in its own time."
"Thank you for speaking with me, Jane." Elizabeth kissed her forehead. "I am so glad you are able to be cautiously optimistic about your future. You are young yet; and I insist that if you ever do remarry, it will only be for true love."
"I promise," Jane smiled. She stood up and smoothed her skirts. "I am going to spend time with William now. I will see you at dinner."
Elizabeth beamed as she watched her walk out of the room. She was quite certain her dearest sister would find happiness yet.
The next morning when Jane and Bingley met at what had become their usual meeting place before their ride, her cheerful greeting and brilliant smile took his breath away. He did not know what inspired this change from her usual reserve, but he was certain, from the rapid beating of his heart, that he never wanted it to stop.