Jasper, Monty and I followed Maya from the room in a nervous silence. She led us through multiple doors until we finally reached a small maintenance room where she abruptly stopped and turned sharply around to face us.
"We don't have much time but we can talk freely here." She explained as she addressed the boys, then seemed to suddenly remember that I was there and regarded me with a scrutinising expression. "Who is this?" She asked in a low, accusing tone and I raised a brow at her.
"This is Indigo, she's family. You can trust her." Monty answered in an unimpressed manner as he protectively stepped closer to my side and levelled her with a glare that warned her not to push the matter.
"What the hell is going on?" Jasper blurted with pent up frustration that was clear in his body language and she glanced down at the floor with a gentle sniff that indicated she was struggling to contain tears. "Maya?" He spoke in a gentler tone as he studied her with concern and my stomach twisted. I wasn't sure that I trusted the people here and it was uncomfortable for me to witness Jasper becoming so attached to one of them.
"I'm sorry." She whispered as she viewed him through watery eyes and her bottom lip trembled.
"About what? What do you mean it wasn't an accident?" Jasper enquired and his tone revealed that he clearly had no suspicions about her at all. I could feel dread building in my stomach as I peeked at Monty who was equally bewildered by Jasper's naivety and I prepared myself for an argument.
"She means they exposed her to radiation on purpose." Monty spat and I was stunned to find that he lost his patience first. In that moment I became aware of the similarities in our bonds with our adopted siblings and was proud to find that his annoyance with Jasper's growing romance was abundantly clear in his tone and body language. "I'm betting it was to get you to be her blood brother." He announced and crossed his arms as he spoke. Maya nodded regretfully in response and Monty's tone grew sharper at her confirmation. "I knew it, Clarke was right." He growled and I raised my brows. I had never seen aggression in him before and it was interesting to observe in someone so relaxed.
"Monty, be quiet." Jasper instructed firmly before he turned back to Maya with an openly hurt expression. "Did you know about this?" He asked with his voice revealing how awful he felt about the accusation. She shook her head and I continued to view her with suspicion. "And why would they do that to you?" He probed and I found myself disappointed that his usually intelligent nature had been overshadowed by his attraction to her.
"They needed a test subject and they saw that you two were getting along. Isn't that right?" My voice came out more accusingly than I intended as I crossed my arms at her.
"Yes, they thought they could use me to sway you." She admitted and I growled under my breath. I was furious that anyone would try to manipulate Jasper and felt me defensiveness bubbling in my stomach. "They wanted to see what difference your blood would make and honestly, the standard treatment sucks compared to you." She replied, shifting uncomfortably on the spot as she explained.
"That's what Dante said." Jasper murmured as if he was finally catching up to us and I noted that Dante had discussed this idea with Jasper already.
"What's the standard treatment?" Monty enquired with his usual perceptiveness and I waited for an answer with interest.
"Through there." She whispered and pointed behind her without being able to look at us.
I glanced at the boys as I felt nerves fluttering across my chest and was fearful about what was about to be revealed to us. She visibly had to force herself to move as she stepped out of sight and we followed in a small anxious huddle. She stopped near a large air vent and stood to one side to allow us to walk ahead. We approached the vent in tense suspension and as we leaned forward to open the slats, I felt my stomach lurch. The large chamber through the vent was filled with copious amounts of people, contained in tiny cages like animals. The space was around ten floors and had numerous alcoves that were all crammed full with captives. Some cages even hung suspended from the ceiling and the structures were too small to comfortably contain their occupants. I stared in stunned silence, unable to form a single word.
"Oh my god...are those...all grounders?" Jasper whispered as he studied the nauseating sight in total horror. I noticed that his hands shook where he gripped the vent and I could feel the shock radiating from him in waves.
"I guess we weren't the only people they recovered from the fight at camp...we just got the comfortable accommodations." I commented as I surveyed the grounders. We had been at war with them barely days ago and yet I couldn't deny that I pitied them now. I was hardly able to believe what I was seeing, despite my distrust of the people here.
"Wait a second." Monty's voice became calm and analytical again and he managed to draw my attention back. "Why are you showing us this?" He interrogated as he turned to consider Maya as he spoke.
"Because I'm afraid." She admitted and knitted her hands together in a gesture that made me nervous.
"Of what?" Jasper questioned as he glanced over his shoulder and furrowed his brows in concern. I swallowed my impatience at his continued infatuation with her.
"That you're next." She confessed, choking up as she spoke and her body language radiated guilt as she glimpsed each of us in turn. I felt my heart skip a beat at her words and my mind raced with the new information. Although I'd been feeling apprehensive about this place since I first woke here, I couldn't have imagined that a threat this depraved was lurking behind the allure of the food and safety. Everyone here was well practised in the act of behaving as if the mountain was a paradise and I was disgusted to discover the truth.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I groaned as I covered my face with my hands. "We survive war with the grounders just to end up in a blood factory." I stated with bitterness and Monty placed a gentle hand on my shoulder to settle my dissolving form. Jasper turned fully on the spot to confront Maya and I was glad to finally witness a firmness in his tone.
"Who else knows about this?" He investigated accusingly as he pointed back at the grate in annoyance. His shoulders raised with tension and the sympathy in his eyes was gradually fading to anger.
"Everyone, but nobody talks about it." She confirmed weakly and her posture became defensive, childish even. "We learn not to ask questions." She justified as she scanned us guiltily and I scoffed. The tone of her voice implied that they were simply bystanders in this situation and her lack of responsibility grated on me.
"Great, we're surrounded by sociopaths who are willing to sacrifice people for their own gain." I growled as I uncovered my face and threw my arms up in exasperation. Maya dropped her gaze to avoid my glaring expression and I rolled my eyes.
"Look, without the treatments we'd die." She stepped closer to Jasper as she tried to justify her words. I peeked at him to check that he wasn't falling back under her spell and was relieved to find that he remained tense. "What are we supposed to do?" She muttered with furrowed brows and I observed Jasper crossing his arms sharply.
"Die." Monty spat as he fixed her with a furious glare and I nodded in agreement. I found that I was glad to have him beside me and even though it was unusual to see him behave this way, I was glad of his backup. "We have to get out of here. Dante said we could leave right?" He turned his determined attention to Jasper and assessed him with desperate eyes.
"He was lying." Jasper scoffed as he shuffled on the spot and it was clear that the realisation was crushing him. "He knows I'd be too scared to leave, just like he knew I'd do what had to be done to save Maya." He remarked with a tone that betrayed the hurt in his voice. I squeezed his arm to bring his eyes to me and smiled sympathetically.
"He made a mistake taking advantage of your kindness." I stated firmly as I addressed him with a stubborn confidence that I hoped would reach him. "He didn't account for how heroic and intelligent you are. We're a hell of a family of survivors, we can figure this out." I elaborated as I smiled at both of them encouragingly, despite the dread in my chest. There were a few moments of silence as they absorbed my words and I could tell that they were wracking their bright minds for ideas.
"We don't ask, if Clarke got out, we can too." Monty asserted as he stepped closer into our tightly knit circle with a new found confidence.
"You'll never make it." Maya offered from behind and I noticed that Monty rolled his eyes at the sound of her voice. "Ever since Clarke disappeared security all around the mountain has been increased." She confirmed with a fearful voice and I hissed under my breath. I wasn't surprised to find that Clarke was an inconvenience even when she wasn't present.
"We have to try." Monty argued with a fire that I'd never seen in him before now. I opened my mouth to try to interject but Jasper spoke firmly in response.
"We're not leaving. I won't leave the others behind." He exclaimed before softening his expression and pointing to the grate. "That means they end up in there." He commented with a forlorn stare and I sighed regretfully. He was right, if we broke out with just our small family we would be condemning the others to a death. The invasive image of our people filling the inhumane cages crossed my mind and I violently forced it out with a wave of disgust.
"What choice do we have?!" Monty responded with a desperation that mirrored how I felt.
"I don't want to leave them behind either." I confirmed as Monty met my eyes with a mournful face. "But Monty's right, we haven't got many options." I sighed and noticed that now Jasper was studying me with an unimpressed expression. "Clarke's out there and I doubt that she's just sitting on her ass. She'll be searching for help." I suggested and they both shrugged at my words. "We need to get out, find her and bring back as big a force as we can. It's the only way we can save them." I presented my case and waited with anticipation for their opinions.
"It's too risky. They could kill them all whilst we're gone. Besides, how would we even find Clarke? Or anyone else to fight with us?" Jasper pointed out and I felt my shoulders drop with disappointment. There were more pitfalls in this plan than I'd realised and although I wanted to believe it was possible, I understood that our decisions carried more importance in this moment than ever before. Jasper took a deep breath and gulped. "There's only one thing to do, we volunteer." He declared as both Monty and I jolted into rigid postures at his words.
"Are you insane?" I hissed as I scrutinised him in disbelief. "You want us to just hand ourselves over to them?" I repeated as if I had misheard him.
"We haven't got any other choice! It's the only way to keep us alive, safe, fed and to buy us some time." Jasper cried with a desperation that was shared between us. "If you really believe that Clarke is out there trying to rescue us, we need all the time that we can get." Jasper appealed to me and I couldn't think of any plausible options to challenge this with. I peeked at Monty for alternatives but he reflected the same defeat that I felt.
"For the record, I hate this." I muttered bitterly.
- O - O - O - O - O -
When we returned to the dorms Jasper set straight to work arranging volunteers. He took Harper and Miller to a quiet corner of the room beside the blaring radio and explained the situation. They reluctantly agreed to his insane plan once he expressed that we needed to buy time and I offered to volunteer too. Jasper refused to allow me to join them and instead requested that I act as a guard for the rest of the group whilst they were incapacitated. I was frustrated by this, as I felt a desperate desire to keep the boys in my sights at all times, especially now that I knew what the people here had planned for us. I bitterly accepted that the others required protection and that their ignorance would leave them vulnerable.
I begrudgingly settled on the bed as they left to volunteer and found myself in a constant state of tension the entire time that they were gone. I attended all of the set meal times so that I could ensure the group remained under observation, but I was unable to bring myself to eat. Instead I picked around plates of food and drank copious amounts of tea in an attempt to stay alert. The night was terrible as I kept watch as much as possible, only occasionally drifting to sleep to be haunted by visions of the boys strung up like blood bags. I heard Bellamy's voice in my dreams, yelling in frustration at the mess that we'd found ourselves in. Whenever I bolted awake again I couldn't shake the feeling that my imagination wasn't wrong. I felt in my core that Bellamy would suggest a more aggressive plan, that he would bust us out of here and I spent much of the night racking my brain for alternative ideas.
By the time the group returned from their procedures I was manic and immediately took both Monty and Jasper into my arms, squeezing them tightly for reassurance. They allowed me to comfort myself with them before Monty led me to sit with Harper and Miller on the bunk beds. Jasper subtly turned up the radio on his way over to mask our conversation.
"Okay, it's safe to talk." Jasper nodded as he settled into position beside me. "We bought ourselves some time but we're gonna need to recruit some more of the others, only people we trust." He reported as we all leaned in to listen closely.
I nodded in agreement, glancing around at the relaxed faces in the room. I wasn't sure how many people remained that I trusted and I couldn't help feeling envious of their blissfully simple existence. It seemed the five of us had become the new leadership now and I resented being a part of it. I had never desired to lead and although I was always comfortable to share my opinion, I had been content to leave the decision making to others.
"How much more time are we talking about buying here?" Miller grilled as he surveyed the room and from his expression I could imagine that he was having the same concerns. I didn't even recognise many faces from Bellamy's militia, which I understood to be Miller's main confidants. The people here were mostly background parts of camp and I was unsure how much they would be willing to do.
"Long enough for Clarke to break us out." Monty confirmed confidently and I snapped my gaze to him. I was surprised to find that he believed in my theory until he peeked subtly at me with a wink. I smiled at him and was glad to find that we were on the same page.
"We don't even know if Clarke's still alive." Harper declared as she wrung her hands in worry.
"It's Clarke, she's too stubborn to die." I commented with a hint of amusement. I leaned slightly forward to catch Harper's gaze with a supportive smile. "She visited me whilst I was in quarantine. She told me that she thinks there are others alive out there and that she wanted to find them. I know she'll be out there finding help right now, whatever form it may be in." I elaborated with certainty and I noted that the others seemed to be intrigued by this revelation.
"She has to be." Jasper sighed thoughtfully and I nudged him gently. He squinted at me and I smiled as I placed a comforting hand on his arm. I couldn't stand seeing him look defeated and he'd been moping around in this manner since Maya's reveal. It was clear that he had genuinely believed in the safety of this place and it was saddening to see his hope crushed.
"Well then she better hurry the hell up." Miller commented aggressively and the others all stared at the ground with uncertain expressions.
I sighed as I pondered their worried faces. Although we were all straining to inspire each other, none of us had been a part of the leadership in camp and it was clear that nobody wanted that responsibility now. I'd witness the stress that it had caused Bellamy and I dreaded watching any more of my loved ones crushed under it. I took a deep breath and decided to take as much of it as I could for them.
"I'm sure she's doing everything that she can out there, so for now we need to do the same in here. Reach out to those you trust, get them onside. The more people we can get to volunteer now, the more we can inspire to volunteer without having to tell them what's going on. We don't want to cause a panic. We need to focus on being model citizens; involve yourselves in as much as possible, show your skills and make us indispensable." I spoke firmly as I gave my best attempt at the kind of inspiring talk that Bellamy often presented in camp. I didn't have the same undeniable natural charisma that he exuded, but the group seemed to be absorbing my words. "For now, everyone recruit one person you trust and that will fill the bay with volunteers tonight. After that we'll see what happens naturally, it might be enough." I ordered and they nodded with an enthusiasm that had been absent before.
We dispersed from our small huddle and each searched for someone to convince. I guided Fox to a quiet area and felt confident that I could trust her due after our history in camp. I quietly explained the situation and although she was fearful, she trusted me to make the best choice for our people. I returned to the group and confirmed that I had sourced a volunteer. The others put forward the names of their candidates and Harper shuffled awkwardly on the spot when it came to her turn.
"I couldn't find anyone I trusted enough to tell, I'm sorry." She whispered as she avoided meeting eyes with any of us. I cleared my throat to prompt her to bring her face up.
"Well I haven't volunteered yet. It looks like it's my turn." I remarked and smiled at her encouragingly.
"Are you sure you're up to that Indie?" Jasper interrogated as he viewed me with concern. He scanned me closely and I could tell that he was reluctant about the suggestion.
"I'm fine, I need to do my part." I asserted. Before he could argue, I picked up the sign up sheet and added my name to it. "Let's get this done." I confirmed as Jasper and Monty glimpsed between each other worriedly.
- O - O - O - O - O -
As I laid in the bed of the medical unit with doctors fussing over us, I started to become nervous. A pretty female doctor with dark hair checked my vitals before inserting a large needle into my neck. I hissed in pain and she flinched apologetically at me, before leaning over to the bed beside me to prepare the person that I would be transfusing to. Once she'd finished connecting all the leads she returned to my side.
"Alright, we'll administer general anaesthetic. You won't feel a thing." She smiled at me encouragingly and I couldn't hide the feeling of reluctance that flooded my face at the idea of medication.
"Will it make me sleep?" I asked in a small, fearful voice as my stomach twisted in dread. Although I was more than willing to assist in this plan, I hadn't been prepared to be drugged again and I wasn't sure that I could survive another round of the horrors that lurked in the back of my mind. She was momentarily confused, before her faze landed on my wrists and understanding dawned on her pitying face.
"It wont, but we gave the others a mild sedative to help them to relax." She explained and I felt uncomfortable with the concept that we were all vulnerable here. "I can withhold that if you would like? But it's a long process without." She advised and she observed my reactions closely as she spoke.
"I don't want to sleep, I'll wait it out." I answered and shook my head firmly. She sighed as she considered me.
"Indigo, you know that you're safe with us, don't you? You don't need to be guarded." She suggested as she settled a comforting hand on my arm and I had to control my immediate reaction to recoil from her touch. I struggled to keep the annoyance from my face as I processed her words. It felt like a kick in the teeth to hear the staff reassuring us and comforting us when they all knew what they were keeping us here for. I forced myself to smile calmly in response and took a slow, steadying breath before I spoke again.
"I'm not guarded, I have nightmares. I can't forget the things I saw before here." I justified in the hope that this would seem less suspicious. Although I was honest about the reason that I didn't want to sleep, I couldn't deny that I was also afraid to be administered something that would reduce my ability to fight if needed. She watched me with pity and I squirmed in an effort to contain my disgust.
"Okay, no sedative. Just let us know if you need anything or change your mind. We'll give you a dose of pain relief just in case." She smiled in an understanding that felt inauthentic before walking over to a nurse who connected a bag of medication to the drip stand and connected me to it.
After a few minutes I could feel the effects of the pain relief and I felt more relaxed than I had in months. I realised that my anxiety was calmer and the heartbreak didn't feel as crushing anymore. I leaned my head back into the pillows and felt as if my whole body had become heavier all of a sudden. I stared at the ceiling and as my mind eased, Bellamy's face filled my consciousness. Before I could put up my internal defences to protect myself from the pain, the memories flashed through rapidly. I was forced to reflect on every moment that I had spent with him, but it didn't trigger the same desperate feeling as usual.
I remembered seeing him for the first time in the dropship when we landed on Earth. He was clean with neatly combed back hair and his clothes were only as faded as was normal on the Ark. I could still clearly picture the way that he smiled when he saw Octavia; his eyes still sparkled with hope and joy. I recounted the smug expression that he had when he looked me up and down as I introduced myself with a fizzle of excitement. I played everything back from the beginning and realised how vastly different things were between us from the early days where we argued constantly; I strived to get under his skin and he hid behind skeevy compliments.
In our last days together we seemed to have reached a peace that neither of us had acknowledged, content to simply enjoy each other's presence. I could still feel the tension in every time we'd touched, clinging to one another in moments of panic, both searching each other out for comfort in the aftermath. I felt a wave of painful regret as I visualised every chance for it to become something more between us that I had missed. It felt like a cruel fate that I only understood the depth of my feelings for him now that he was gone and I started to become aware of the gaping hole in my chest that I'd felt almost constantly since the last time I saw him.
It wasn't just Bellamy that was missing from my life; it was Octavia and Raven; it was the home that we'd all built together; it was the leaders that, although troubled people that I didn't always agree with, kept us safe and banded together even in times of crisis. It was the unity of our camp that didn't seem the same in our underground prison. The realisation struck that I would likely never be able to fill the hole that their absence left in me. I would likely have this wound forever and if I was going to survive, I'd have to start learning to live with it. As unfortunate as this thought was, I knew in my gut that I couldn't avoid sleep forever.
I considered the way that I had felt in the white room of quarantine and the drastic actions that I'd taken. Now that the mania I'd experienced during the inescapable times of sedation had passed, I understood that I didn't truly want to die. Although I felt a constant emptiness that made me question the point in fighting on, the threat of our containment here gave me the powerful sensation that I wasn't finished yet. I still had people to protect and the loss of Bellamy as a leader had left behind a responsibility that I couldn't abandon. I hoped that in time I'd find a way to stop the torment of my memories, but for now I would settle for only sleeping as often as needed to survive and denying any triggering thoughts of the Blake siblings. I relied on my bond with Jasper and Monty to give me purpose and that minimised the grief to a size that I could still live with.
When the painkillers finally wore off, I was relieved to be free from the reflection that they'd caused. I was violently sick for several hours following the completion of the transfusion, whilst the patient I'd assisted seemed to be in the best shape of their life. Fox and I were the first to be released and supported each other on the shaky walk back to dorms. Although I still felt nauseous, I was keen to be out of their blatant observation and with people I could trust again. I entered the dorms to find Miller and Monty talking in low voices on one of the bunks and approached to see that they were studying some kind of schematics.
"Looks like I missed something interesting?" I asked as I arched a brow at them inquisitively. Miller abruptly left when he noticed me and I took his space next to Monty.
"Good to have you back." He smiled in relief as his eyes scanned me with worry. "How do you feel?" He grilled and I shrugged.
"Awful, I can't believe that Jasper willingly put himself through this. Although by the sounds of it his treatment was even worse thanks to Maya's radiation levels. Which honestly just makes it even more unbelievable that he came and asked us to do the same!" I rambled in a muddled mess and realised that I still felt slightly groggy from the medication. "Poor boy was super brainwashed." I added with an understanding tone as I caught up to my own thoughts and Monty nodded in agreement. I jolted into a slightly straighter posture as a delayed thought struck me. "I was thinking about quarantine and I just remembered something." I started and Monty's eyes widened at the mention of this time. "There was a guy... I don't know who he was, I was super out of it. But he was talking about my blood and how precious it is. I think...Monty I think I'm the reason that they worked out how effective our resistance to the radiation is." I admitted with a furrowed brow and a terrible feeling of guilt.
"Your blood? But how would they.." Monty trailed off as his attention was drawn to my wrists and I shuffled to ensure they were covered. "You think that whilst they were saving your life, they took the opportunity to use you as a lab rat?" His voice dropped to a dark, disgusted tone that was alien on him and I could sense the rage that bubbled beneath his calm exterior. I nodded back regretfully and he cursed under his breath. "Indie, this isn't your fault. They've been using the grounders for god knows how long, they were always going to realise that we could be viable options. It was just a matter of time." He excused and I sighed thoughtfully.
"Maybe eventually, but thanks to me they know already. I've cost us time." I stated remorsefully and he shook his head at me firmly.
"No, you're not taking that on your shoulders, I don't want to hear you say that ever again, alright?" He asserted and I nodded in an unconvinced gesture. "Well how about some good news?" He smiled at me with a hopeful spark in his eyes and I felt my stomach flip in anticipation. "The Ark made it! We found photos, they've set up camp." He confirmed and I gasped before quickly covering my mouth.
"Well I wasn't expecting that, but that's great! Now we know exactly where Clarke will be headed for help." I breathed as I struggled to keep my voice low in my relief.
"I don't think we can wait for that Indie, we don't know if Clarke will even find them." He mumbled before his eyes glazed over and he stared off into the distance. "My parents might be there." He spoke in a dreamy voice and I reached out to squeeze his hand.
"If they're anything like you, I'm sure they will be. You're a pretty hardcore survivor Monty, you must get that from somewhere." I smiled at him encouragingly and he gripped my hand back gratefully. "So, what's the plan?" I enquired as I assessed him with a nervous excitement buzzing in my chest.
"We broke into Dante's office to see if we could find evidence that Clarke's alive, that's where we saw the photos from the Ark and where we got this…these are the engineering schematics for this whole place. We're gonna find a way out." Monty answered confidently and I stared back at him in bewilderment.
"That's a hell of a risk Monty. If they realise we're onto them we could all end up hanging in that chamber." I gulped as I ran my fingers through my hair in stress. "You know that I'm all for action but we're trapped here, we've got a lot to lose if we get this wrong." I confided and even as I spoke I could hear Bellamy's voice in my mind even louder than my own. I knew that he would already be planning an offensive with no kid left behind. I felt that much of my courage and fire was dampened without him around, and I couldn't quash my fears.
"We found proof that they're lying to us today Indie, again. They know our people are alive and yet Dante told Jasper that the Ark hadn't survived. How long do you think it will be before they ambush them too? And by then we could already have served our purpose." He appealed to me and I sighed with indecision.
"Guys, Harper didn't show for breakfast. You guys seen her?" Jasper approached with an anxious energy about him. I noticed that Miller was behaving shifty too beside him and I felt a knot forming in my stomach.
"I haven't seen her since Dante's office." Milled reported and I snapped my gaze back to Monty with wide eyes, hoping that he could confirm that she was fine. When he met my eyes with equal concern, I felt a sharp anxiety pain flit across my chest.
"So where the hell is she?" Monty asked with a panicked tone as we all stared at each other in terror.