A/N:

In this chapter, Edward and Bella will have a serious, proper talk about everything in their past, but also, things they don't bring up now will be brought up in coming chapters!

Title: Love is Strange

Author: MarieCarro

Beta: Alice's White Rabbit

Pre-reader: LunaEclipse

Genre: Friendship/Romance/Drama

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Bella Swan and Edward Cullen live in the small town of Ligonier in Pennsylvania. They've been best friends since they were six years old, and not much can keep them apart. Bella wants to leave small-town life behind, while Edward is fine with whatever, but that's not the only complication in their relationship. What happens when they fall in love … with each other?

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER 20

COFFEE AND A CIGARETTE

Bella placed the coffee cup down on the table in front of Edward before settling down on the couch next to him.

When he called her up on the Sunday morning after the launch party, and Bella knew the kind of personal things they'd talk about, she had opted to invite him over to her apartment instead of going to a café. They'd be much more comfortable that way and more inclined to tell the complete truth if they were alone.

Not seeing the point in dancing around the subject, Bella decided to bite the bullet. "Look, Edward, I would love to get to know you all over again. Find out what your life's been like and all of that. But I know we need to clear the air first, and I want to begin by truly apologizing to you."

Edward looked away from her, but he didn't stop her from apologizing. He felt better knowing she could admit her wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness. Once she was done, he'd take his turn to apologize to her because he needed to.

"The way I handled our relationship after we broke up was inexcusable," she continued steadily. "At the time, I thought I considered your feelings when I made my choices, but I know now that I was unjustifiably selfish and mean." She sighed as the heaviness in her heart finally started lifting. "I was constantly scared during that time in my life, and I'm not telling you that to make an excuse but to explain why I acted the way I did. I was scared of getting stuck. I was scared of not pursuing my dreams … but most of all, I was scared of how serious you were and how convinced you were that you and I were for life."

Edward turned to meet her eyes, relieved to finally have a thorough explanation for why everything became a dumpster fire.

"I've never in my entire life been that certain of anything," Bella confessed. "I've always been prepared to lose what I have."

"Because of your mom?"

Bella nodded. Edward was the only person she'd ever been able to talk openly and freely about her mom's suicide since he'd been her support from the start. "I think that was how it started. After her, I started to mentally brace myself for the day I'd lose Dad, lose you, lose my friends." A lone tear fell down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away because this wasn't about her pain, and she didn't want to take focus away from what she still had to say. "I know that if I'd truly wanted it, and had wanted to fight for it, you and I would never have had to break up because we were solid as a couple. Distance wouldn't have made a difference." She reached out and grabbed Edward's hand in hers, hoping to show him how serious she was in her apology. "I am so sorry for the emotional trauma I put you through. I really am. And I hope you can forgive me."

Edward looked into her eyes for a long moment before he squeezed the hand holding his. "I forgive you, Bella. Just as I wish you could forgive me as well. I wasn't some innocent victim. I played my part, and you told me multiple times that you weren't ready, but I continued to push anyway."

He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. He wanted to word the next part right so he didn't sound like a grade-A asshole.

"I had a naïve fantasy of what I wanted my life to look like, and I was determined to have that life with you even if that meant neglecting my chosen career. I didn't realize until much later how much I fought to make you fit into that dream even though you didn't share it with me. I didn't listen to what you were telling me because I was convinced if I persisted, you'd realize you wanted the same."

Embarrassed by what he was admitting, Edward let out a long exhale and ran his hand agitatedly through his hair, and then down to rub his neck.

"My parents always presented the perfect marriage as I grew up, and their love never seemed to falter. They could bicker, but I never once heard them fight. I wanted that, and I was prepared to do anything to get it. In my mind, you and I were as perfect together as my parents, and I guess that's why I never handled our fights particularly well. Perfect couples weren't supposed to fight." He let out an incredulous laugh before continuing. "Would you believe it if I told you that I didn't understand how wrong I'd been until I witnessed my parents fight shortly before I called off the wedding?"

Bella had remained quiet as Edward talked. She had prided herself in knowing him inside and out when they were younger, but hearing him talk about the ideals he'd had back then made her realize there were parts of him she hadn't known. It gave her a lot of clarity, and suddenly, all of their fights and disagreements made sense in a whole other way.

"I genuinely don't know what to say," she said after a moment of silence.

"You don't have to say anything," he reassured her. "But it feels good knowing both sides now, doesn't it?"

"It does," she agreed, and then realized she hadn't given him what he'd asked for. "And of course, I forgive you. It was frustrating when you wouldn't listen to me," she agreed but then smiled at him. "But I understand it now."

"Thank you."

They fell back into silence, but Bella couldn't stop looking at Edward. Just being close to him brought every memory back—the good and the bad. Their easy-going friendship that then morphed into a perfect fairytale love story before everything went wrong.

A part of her heart still yearned for the boy he'd been, but an even larger part of her wanted to know the man he was now. And then as that thought left her and was replaced with one of George, she immediately felt guilty, as she always did when her mind strayed to places it shouldn't.

To distract herself, she asked the question she'd wanted to know the answer to ever since she first heard about it.

"I know we're not as close as we once were, so if you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but why did you call off your wedding?" she asked, and Edward looked at her with a slight sadness to his eyes.

"No, I'll tell you, but I don't think you'll like the answer much," he said, and Bella braced herself. "It was partially because I realized I didn't want to marry Maria, and partially because of … well, you."

Bella's eyes widened with surprise. "Me?"

He nodded, and then explained as well as he could. "After everything we went through, I couldn't just let you go. But then, as more time passed, I thought I had no choice but to force myself to move on, and that was when I met Maria. She decided from the start that we were going to be a couple, and I happily let her take the reins. When she proposed we get married, I accepted for all the wrong reasons."

"What kind of reasons?"

"If I married Maria, I wouldn't be alone. Even if I couldn't get the life I wanted with you, I'd get a semblance of it with her." He locked eyes with her and the color of his irises was intense. "By marrying her, I'd, hopefully, one day forget about you."

Her heart was thundering in her chest as they continued to look into each other's eyes. "So when you called off the wedding, it was because …"

"I was still in love with you, and there was no way I could forget you."

She sat with her mouth hanging slightly opened, stunned by his confession and unable to respond. When she started to feel lightheaded, she realized she'd stopped breathing and inhaled deeply. "Wow, okay, umm ..." Incapable of putting together a full sentence, she busied herself with fidgeting with her coffee cup. "And …and now?" she finally stuttered out.

He gave her his lopsided smile and answered her cryptically. "It's been years since we last met. As much as I wish it wasn't so, I don't know the woman you've become, and until I do, I can't answer that. But that was one of the main reasons why I couldn't go through with the wedding."

Bella nodded, kind of understanding what he was saying but also not. "That's fair, I guess, but, Edward, you have to know I am currently seeing someone."

"Alice mentioned that," he said, but he didn't appear particularly bothered by it. "And, please, don't worry about me attempting to fight for your hand or anything like that." He laughed and it sounded so freeing and infectious that Bella smiled at the sound. "That's not what this is at all. There's no plan. I simply want to get to know you again. Find out who you are now. I sort of miss my best friend, you know." He bumped her with his elbow, and when she looked at him, he winked.

"I like the sound of that," she said. "I guess I've sort of missed you, too."

"You guess?" he exclaimed in mock-offense, but then both of them fell into laughter, just like when they were younger.

~~LiS~~

"You can stop crying now. I'm back!" Emmett said loudly as he and Rosalie approached the table where Bella, George, and Jasper were sitting and waiting for them. Both of them had a healthy tan after having spent their third wedding anniversary in Hawaii, and they looked as happy as ever.

"Who's crying?" Bella teased and stood up to welcome them with a hug and made a point by embracing Rosalie first, which caused Emmett to pout. "We've all been enjoying the peace and quiet in your absence."

Emmett dramatically placed his hand over his heart. "You break my heart, Belly! And here I was missing you."

"Just come here, you big lug!" She grinned and threw her arms around his neck, which caused him to laugh.

"Okay, sit down, both of you," Rosalie said, but her tone was affectionate. "You'd think you two are the married couple around here."

The five of them settled around the table and ordered drinks before they got into any conversation. Neither of them had to look at the menu because the restaurant was their favorite lunch spot, and they frequented it quite often.

"So, George, how're the negotiations for your movie going?" Jasper asked when they were all digging into their food.

"I wish I knew," George said and stabbed a piece of tomato with annoyance. "My lawyer screwed me over, and now the production company can do whatever they want with the script. From what I've heard, it'll become just another Hollywood horror-slasher instead of the psychological terror it's supposed to be," he grumbled, and Bella grabbed his hand and squeezed it to offer some comfort.

"I still think it's terrifying you can write such disturbing characters," Rosalie commented. "How can you dive into the mind of a sociopathic murderer without becoming a little nuts yourself?"

"Who's to say I'm not nuts?" George replied and smirked at his little sister.

From Bella's seat, she had the perfect view of the entrance, so when Alice and Edward walked through, she almost choked.

"You okay, Bella?" George asked with concern when she coughed, but she tried to wave him off.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I was just caught by surprise," she said, when in actuality, her reaction had only been because she wasn't ready to have Edward and George in the same vicinity with each other. With the way Edward's presence affected her, George was bound to notice something was off, and she already felt guilty enough as it was.

"By what?" Emmett asked, but before Bella could answer, Alice spotted her and walked over.

"Bella, how nice to see you here," she said, and then her eyes landed on Jasper. "Mr. Whitlock, nice to meet you again."

He smiled widely—a little too widely—at her and nodded. "Likewise, Ms. Cullen."

Edward met Bella's gaze steadily and smiled. "Bella."

"Edward," she replied almost breathlessly, but she couldn't allow herself to succumb to the feelings stirring inside her, so she quickly followed up with safe questions. "How's everything? How's the move going?"

"It's going well. I'm officially getting my new place in two days, so I'm looking forward to that."

"Good."

They continued to look into each other's eyes, and Bella was unable to redirect her attention no matter how much she wanted to.

Emmett cleared his throat in a not-so-subtle manner, and Bella realized she hadn't introduced anyone. She had to blink a few times to break the trance-like state she'd fallen into, and then she gestured toward the others.

"Edward, Alice, this is Emmett and Rosalie McCarty, and George Hale. And Jasper you met at the show," she said. It hadn't escaped her notice how George looked between her and Edward as she made the introductions, and it made her nervous, but she tried not to show it. "Guys, this is Edward and Alice Cullen. They're friends from home."

Everyone around the table, with the exception of George, knew who Edward and Alice were to Bella, but she was grateful when none of them displayed any recognition in order to avoid an awkward situation.

"I haven't seen you at this restaurant before," Bella continued, hoping to talk over the building tension. "Do you come here often?"

"Only once or twice. But their primavera salad is delicious, so I thought I'd show Edward some of the places I recommend in the city," Alice said.

"We can all attest to that," Bella said, and everyone nodded in agreement. "This is our favorite lunch spot."

A moment of embarrassing silence ensued, but then Alice excused herself and Edward so they could go to their own table and eat. The polite and stilted small talk had dampened the mood, and George continuously looked over at Bella with concern.

The somber atmosphere lasted the rest of lunch even though Emmett made several attempts to raise it back up. When they'd all paid their checks, George asked if Bella wanted to come over to his place, and she silently consented.

When the two of them were alone, sitting on a bench in the park close to his apartment, George finally dared to ask what had been eating at him for the last hour. The cigarette in his hand shaking with the nervousness he felt.

"Bella, what exactly is your relationship with those two from the restaurant?"

She opened her mouth to smooth it over, but he'd already figured she would, so he stopped her.

"Please, just tell me the truth. I can handle it."

She sighed and hesitated. Her eyes zeroed in on the habit she'd always hated he had, but she'd been able to overlook it mostly as long as he didn't try to kiss her right after he'd had a smoke. Now, she couldn't stop herself from comparing him to Edward, who had never smoked. At least, not when they were younger. She didn't really know if he'd picked up the habit in the ensuing years.

Then she decided he deserved to know. George was a part of her life now, and she didn't want to keep secrets from him. She looked into his eyes, which held nothing but affection and concern, and slowly started to tell him the story.

A/N:

I have to be honest and say that some of your reviews worry me because it sounds as if Bella is completely irredeemable in your eyes. Man, I hope that's not true :-P

I would love you forever and always if you'd have an open mind and try to not hold her past, teenage mistakes against her now xD

Until next week,

Stay Awesome!