Chapter XXV

Who Wants to Live Forever?

"Care for a celebratory rat?" - Cloud

"You know, brat. I would have made you return it yourself but you'd have found some other way to mess it up. Don't deny it, girl."

"Don't flatter yourself big fella. I heard what crawled out of that coffin."

"Blame Tifa. But also thank her."

He couldn't blame Tifa either. When they had opened that crate expecting one trussed up lawyer, they got an extra helping of "Die, Yuffie!" Tifa had opened up the biggest can of whoopass he had ever seen, pounding that thing into the plaza cobbles so hard they would never get the stain out.

"And the lawyer survived?"

"Not a scratch on him. He probably exudes a protective slime coating."

"And Tifa?"

"She finally remembered to use an Ice spell."

Yuffie lay back in her hammock, slung between two power-pear trees. A crutch leaned against the nearest one. Barret doubted she needed it now, except to play up sympathy. Up until he had seen the raw scar on her calf and felt the world tilt under his feet. Luckily, he grabbed a hitching post to keep from hitting the dirt like falling timber.

"So Tifa bagged Whippy as well?"

"Yea. I'd have stuck his head on a pike myself, but he's in a world of hurt."

"That's the Barret I know." Yuffie reached for another sip of plum punch. According to her, fresh squeezed from Godo's orchards. Until her father learned of her portal by the meditation fountain. He wondered how discreet Larry and the Darryls could act over there. "I'm sorry, Barret."

"Whoa." He blinked. "Did I just hear, an apology? From the daughter of Godo, first in line for world's most annoying ninja?"

"Yea." She drew a breath. "I messed up big time."

"Hell yea. Letting that meathead swimmer find your stash of, good lord, Yuffie. What in the living hell possessed you to steal something called the Butcherer of Innocents?"

"That giant robot taunted me. He said I was a failure as a ninja."

"Tell me this. That, Entropic Blade. It messed with me and it really messed with Tifa. How is it you could touch it and not have it scramble your brain? You're no Jenova."

"Oh that? It appeared as a beautiful, curved shuriken but every time I touched it, my arms itched like crazy. Worse than Cissnei's tickle torture. But really, big fella. What more could that thing do to me?"

Barret had to concede her point. If it wanted to wreak pandemonium across the universe, it needed only to let Yuffie act like Yuffie. He might imagine, as she lay in her hammock with that damned Wutai dojo snake dozing on her chest, that she might feel a bit contrite.

Nah.

"We're closing up most of your goddamn portals, though Cissnei asked us to keep a few stable ones open. The village elders here want your portal to Wutai to remain because, and I quote, it 'regularly burps out lunch.' Judging from the weasel pelts tacked on that shed, it burps a helluva lot."

"Rub some salve on my leg, will you? Please?"

"Fine. But I can't help but think you're pulling one on me, even now." Still, he lifted her injured leg, propping it aloft with his artificial hand, digging two fingers into the jar of "Magic Balm" and slicking it over her angry yet healing wound. At least her leg longer oozed like a clamped jellyfish anymore. "Ugh." The balm made his fingers and palm tingle.

"Hi. I'm Larry; this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl."

"I kinda knew you would show up."

"Given that we are behind our Auntie's cabin, and given how Miss Yuffie needs her evening treatment, your assessment was spot on."

"Great. I was just leaving. If I could find a rag to wipe my hand."

"I see you appreciate Auntie's Magic Balm."

"Yuffie does, at any rate."

"It gets its extra kick with Darryl's secret ingredient."

Barret hurriedly wiped his hand on his pants.

"Do you want to know the secret ingredient?"

"No, I'm good, man."

"It's weasel fat."

Barret wiped harder.

"Very rare. Do you know how hard it is to find a fat weasel? Them weasels are quick."

His two brothers stepped forward, looked down at Yuffie, and hopped backward as if licking an electric fence. One of them picked up a wicker basket and handed it to Larry. Larry peeked inside.

"Miss Yuffie. Darryl would like to know if you have ever heard the expression, 'red and yellow, kill a fellow.'"

"Excuse me?" Yuffie picked up her snake and let it slither onto her hand. Larry himself stepped back.

"Would you care to examine the colors of the snake you have in your hand?"

"Sure." She lifted it to her face and pointed at the head. A tongue flicked out. "Black, yellow, black, yellow, red, yellow, whoa!" Rolling on her side, she thrust the snake over the side of her hammock, where it slithered off. Barret just as happily retreated behind Larry. "Who played that prank on me? Barret?" She glared at him.

"No way, brat. I don't do snakes." He checked to make sure that one kept on slithering.

"How about this one, Miss Yuffie?" Larry lowered the basket to her side. She reached in and pulled out a similar snake, but the Darryls crept back forward.

"Red, black, yellow black. That's my Coily." She placed it on her chest and lay back.

"Girls," Barret said. The Darryls nodded.

"I hear you returned the demonic weapon to its master," Larry said. "How did your quest go?"

"Cid and Nanaki went with me, along with crazy John who could actually carry the thing."

"A guitar? You changed that sword into a guitar?"

"You know what they say. This weapon slays fascists." He strummed a chord.

"Oh man you're gonna pull these buildings down on us."

"Did he put on a concert?" Yuffie asked.

"Not when I pulled him into the Lower Ward by his ear."

"Finally," said Cid. "The sweet smell of devil tobacco. The kind you roll yourself."

"Great. A stoned temple pilot," John said.

"Oh hell. That abishai thing thing. Lizards with attitudes," Barret said.

"Let meee. In towerrr. Or I . . . strip the fleshhh. From your bonesss."

"Buzz off, smoked iguana," John said, shredding a death chord on his guitar. The demon slank away like a whipped weasel.

"Now that made my teeth hurt," Cid said. "Get in that tower before I really have a smoke."

"I don't think I want to go in there, honestly."

Barret booted him through the portal. "Before it closes, everyone!"

"It was that easy, big fella? I mean, I got in by accident."

"That kid could have gotten us stuck over there if he went into one of his fugues."

"He had a guitar. I bet he could have played you a fugue."

"Give me a break. Besides, I wanted to see if Nanaki could climb that ladder."

"Holy crap!" said Cid. "He barely touched every third rung!"

"So then you returned the weapon?"

"Not before Doofus and Deep Thought got into a philosophical argument with the damned steam golem."

"YOU HAVE RETURNED. AND YOU CARRY WHAT WAS STOLEN."

John said, "The sweetest guitar I will ever meet. Yet I must give it up."

"YOU COULD KEEP IT. YOU NEED ONLY RELEASE ME FROM MY PRISON."

"To ravage, or not to ravage? That is the question."

"If I could clear up the doubt in that question," Nanaki said, "I vote for, not to ravage."

"YOU CANNOT CONTAIN CHAOS. WITHOUT CHAOS YOU HAVE NO ORDER."

"And yet, here you are. Trapped in a prison of your making."

"Sad to give this up," John said. "But I leave with the idea of a concert where I play every song in the Locrian natural sixth."

"What the hell kind of nonsense is that?" Cid said.

"It's the second mode of the harmonic minor. Use it when you wish to leave your audience subtly unfulfilled." He lay the guitar on the metal counter. "Like myself."

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE SELF?" Coaxmetal took the guitar and, looping the strap, hung it from its old weapon peg.

"I am who I am."

"NO. THE SELF IS A RELATION THAT RELATES ITSELF TO ITS OWN SELF, OR IT IS THAT IN THE RELATION THAT THE RELATION RELATES ITSELF TO ITS OWN SELF."

"Gee thanks, metal man. I've heard that quote before but I shall carry it from sickness unto death. Whenever I feel the urge to turn my brain into a noodle."

Yuffie said. "The quote comes from ancient Wutai, by Wen the Eternally Surprised."

"Miss Yuffie, I bet you never made it through the Garden of Five Surprises," Larry said.

"Nope. Never made it past the yodeling stick insect."

"Much as I would love to stay and chat," Barret said. "My ride is to Cosmo Canyon has arrived."

"Wark! Wark!" said the giant green chicken.

"Whoa. You ride Binky?" Larry spoke in reverent tones likely reserved for describing roast suckling weasel.

"Hell yea." He produced a carabiner to latch onto the reins.

"Warrrrk?"

Larry said. "Time for Miss Yuffie's treatment. We ask for a little privacy, in case any embarrassing noises come out."

Barret and Yuffie shared a glance; one of confusion, mixed with slowly dawning horror.

"Darryl says not to worry; we won't do anything our Auntie wouldn't approve of, seeing as how she's watching us out her oval window. Darryl, however, assures you that even if something does go wrong, the weasel fat will soften the blow."

"Wark," said Binky.

Barret shuddered and climbed aboard. A warm breeze blew past him as he fled the yard. He still heard Yuffie cry out, "Holy, Wutai unchained!"

Tifa sat in her chair next to the fireplace and threw her feet up onto the hearth. "What a day." She reached her arms up and seized her chair top, leaning into the stretch. "How many of Yuffie's portals did we close, Cloud?" When she heard the shower turn on, she chuckled. "And this is how it all began, barely a week ago."

She glanced through her open windows at the glow from the Cosmo Candle, the firelight glinting off the scaffolding over the building that Whippy and, ahem, Vincent had demolished. A swishing of air and a whining of servos announced that she had a visitor.

"You need to keep your screens closed," Carmine said, "else bugs will get in."

"Good evening to you too."

Carmine halted her new metal, octagon disc. Cid had outdone himself making form-fitting leather seats for the pair of them. Carmine transferred Priscilla to an empty chair and stretched. Tifa heard Carmine's back crack.

"Tough day, Tifa?"

"Yuffie and her portals. She was busier than an army of prairie dogs. Six portals into Godo's palace alone. Even Vincent began to lose patience, and he spent twenty plus years in a coffin."

"A shame Bugenhagen locked my favorite materia in his vault."

"Terms of probation." Tifa, testifying in court, had insisted they add that condition. Still, she had convinced the elders to give Carmine the six years of community service instead of joining her cousin in prison.

"I must say, it surprised me to hear you advocate for me. After everything I did to you."

"It surprised me too but, it felt right, you know? Like laying down a load I had carried for months. Also, I no longer have to wonder if you are out there somewhere."

Carmine sat in thought.

Priscilla said, "I'm going to ask Cloud to marry me."

Tifa laid her hands in her lap. "Oh, honey . . . "

"Unless you ask him first."

"Say what?"

Carmine barked out a laugh. "Or you can wait for him to ask you. Of course, by then you'll be hobbling around on a cane and he'll be sporting a beard as long as Bugenhagen's, but geriatric love can be beautiful. Just don't make me watch."

"Me? Ask him?"

"No law against it."

"What if he says no?"

Carmine pretended to faint. "You'd only have every horny guy on the Planet after you."

Tifa coughed. "What do I do? Buy myself an engagement ring?"

"No, silly. You buy him one."

Tifa moaned and lay back in her chair.

"Say Tifa," Carmine said. "Did Whippy ever strike you as the sewing type?"

"Huh?"

"Does he seem like the type to while away the hours doing decorative needlepoint?"

"I don't see - " But then her eyes fell on Priscilla. The gold thread that sealed her eyelids, embroidery that shined with a metallic luster. "Metallic thread," she whispered.

"Check out the stitch pattern on this pillow I borrowed from my sister-cousin. Do you see it now?"

The patterns nearly matched. "Krymzin?" Tifa leaped to her feet.

"She will plead innocence, for her son and for herself. Still, he never as much as blew his nose without her knowledge. He was so bat-squeeze crazy not even I kept my distance." She chuckled. "May I go torture her now?"

"Tempting as that is, it would violate - "

"Just kidding. I can get by imagining her baking bricks in the desert. For now."

Priscilla nodded. In the other room, the shower turned off.

"All right then. We will leave you two lovebirds to it." Carmine backed her device toward the girl's chair. "Climb back aboard. We need to find you a better materia. You've sleepwalked all week, and I've yawned more in these past few days than in my entire life." Once she had Priscilla situated, Carmine swiveled to leave.

"The materia shop should have something for you," Tifa said. "Or John can grow a Mist materia?"

"Might be worth it." She yawned. "No. I'll go check on your lawyer friend again. I don't have to torture him though. It would be redundant."

Tifa walked the pair back to the window. "I'll see you around. Both of you."

"I do think torturing my cousin should count as community service." Carmine said before skimming away.

Tifa drew the screens shut. Alone with her thoughts, she headed to the bathroom.

"Knock knock?" she said outside the door. When Cloud answered, she entered to find him wrapped in a towel, spiking his hair in the mirror.

"Hey Teef. Did I hear Carmine out there?"

"She wanted advice on torturing her cousin."

"Did you give her the go-ahead?"

"I was tempted." She told him what Carmine said about Priscilla.

"Remind me never to join that woman's sewing circle."

"She also needs a new materia to feed Priscilla. Krymzin's Seal is making them want to sleep twenty hours a day."

Cloud thought a moment. "How about Chocobo Lure."

Tifa snorted out a laugh.

"So Cloud, I, uh . . . "

"Yes?"

Tifa ran through several scripts in her mind and they all gave her the stomach shivers. She undid her wrap and hung it on a peg. "If I, say . . . " She fumbled with the clasp on her back. Gave up. "If I were to ask you to marry me, what would you say."

Cloud froze, blue eyes the size of golf balls.

"You wouldn't . . . say anything?"

"No. I mean, it's not that. It's, you're undressing. In front of me."

"Oh." Tifa covered herself. Though she hadn't gone that far yet. She laughed to cover her tremble. "Think about it while I'm in the shower. Okay?"

Elena lifted another box of documents. "Enough dust on here to start my own garden."

"Ho-ho-hoo! Land use proposals!" Bugenhagen whisked the box over to Cait Sith who set it beside the exhaust fan, lifting his megaphone to honk the dust out into the courtyard. Aeris took the box, pushing it down a roller track until she could slot it on the final shelf near the rolltop desk.

Slick - or Smith - sat in an executive leather chair, his ankles in shackles chained to the steel foot-ring . He could roll himself around the rough floor as needed, though the two smoothed paths took him to the water closet (where he had to lever himself around to sit on the commode) and to his cot, where he slept in whatever position he could manage. Barret had suggested he do chair leg lifts to keep his muscles taut.

For now, he sat at his legal desk engaged in what Bugenhagen cheerfully called "document review." Though it looked more like transcribing ancient texts. They had given him a fountain pen to commit the pages to history, along with an assortment of dip pens for fine calligraphy.

"Ho-ho-hoo! We need to know all land use decisions in this jurisdiction to ensure our building renovations conform to standards. While we are at it, we have these long form documents that needed indexing."

"Let's take a walk, flower girl, before this tough guy starts to cry."

"What if he makes intentional mistakes?" Aeris said, once they climbed out to the courtyard, skirting around the construction.

"Your elders audit his work." Elena gave Aeris a longer glance. "You can't get away from wearing pink, can you?"

"It's a flower print." Her sleeveless gown fluttered in the dry breeze. (Elena wore her dark blue suit, always on duty.) "Hey, Nanaki. Overseeing construction?"

"Why, hello ladies. Helping Grandfather with document review?"

Elena said, "That lawyer has three hots and a cot. Literally."

"I heard you located the Great Shanandra. Did she tell you what you needed to hear?" He winked at Aeris.

"It will be, years, before I can discuss that trip."

"Besides," Aeris said. "I left my Princess Guard in my room. The Great Shanandra has the evening off."

"As you wish. May I buy you ladies each a treat from the food booth?"

"Rat on a Stick?" Elena wrinkled up her nose. "As Yuffie would say, grossness?"

"I see Barret has returned. You must excuse me, ladies. We need to discuss closing the remaining portals."

"Oh my insane Lord, it's that chocobo again." Elena backed away. "We can't stay in the open. It will smell us."

"It's just Barret, silly. Let's head to the food booth. They're bound to have something without rat in it."

Barret dismounted, fed Binky some greens, and fell into an arm and paw waving discussion with Nanaki. The green bird gobbled the greens before bounding across the square.

"This way, Elena!"

But Binky anticipated their move, racing around the booth to blast a "WARK!" in their faces.

"Why, you!" Elena hurled a tiny tub of hot sauce at the bird. It fell short, splatting a comet trail on the cobbles.

"Wark." Binky turned tail and strutted away.

"Care for an enticing entrée, ma'am? We have baked rat, smoked rat, deviled rat, broiled rat, barbecued rat, breaded rat, flaming rat, and blackened rat."

"Fried chicken!"

"Which do you recommend?" Aeris noted plenty of people strolling around chewing on their entrées.

"Your friends Cloud and Tifa prefer the blackened rat. The searing process seals in the juices so that flavor explodes with every bite."

Elena cringed.

"We'll take two then," Aeris said.

"Coming right up. Or would your friend prefer the strawberry tart? I mean, it's got some rat in it . . . "

"Here's your tip, but only if you stop teasing Elena. Deal?"

The vendor handed them their sticks with a grunt. As they walked away, Elena said, "I wouldn't have tipped him. He was rude. What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Pretend it's chicken?" It smelled enticing. Aeris sniffed closer. "I'll nibble if you nibble?"

"Fine. One taste. But only because I'm famished."

They found a bench overlooking the lower slopes and sat. "Ready?" said Aeris.

Elena nodded, taking a bird bite. "Huh."

Aeris tasted hers and the flavor burst into her mouth.

"Beats that goat haggis," Elena said, digging in. Before long they found themselves tossing away bones and sucking their fingers dry.

"Care for another?"

Elena stared in the direction of the booth before answering. "I'd rather have one of Hiro's rice pies. And not a word of this to Reno."

"I don't know," Aeris said, rising. "You do have bragging rights. Just describe the taste every time he starts eating."

"Hey. Isn't that Carmine and that Priscilla girl?"

"Looks like she is headed to the records room."

"Let's get under cover before she starts harassing us."

Later, on a balcony with a takeout basket of rice pies and goat cheese, Aeris scanned the seating. "Busy night. Desert cricket? In the dark?"

"Probably waiting for the next episode of me versus that demonic chocobo."

"Hey," said a customer. "Aren't you Elena? A redheaded guy in uniform was looking for you."

Elena swore under her breath.

"Let's try my room," Aeris whispered. "I promise I won't let him in."

"Lead the way, flower child."

Aeris barred her door with the oak slab. "That ought to ward him off. Unless he uses my Mini trick on himself. But even then." Aeris patted her Princess Guard.

"Reno probably wants me to arrest Barret, even after that plea deal. I can't justify wasting everyone's time with freaking Carmine buzzing around like a proud diva."

"If Tifa trusts her, so can I."

"Choose your poison, I say. Speaking of which, check this out."

"Wutai plum wine? The way Hiro rambles on about it, he might sell you the whole winery."

"I bought this bottle to shut him up." She nodded as Aeris found a pair of stem glasses. "That guy could talk an auctioneer off the podium."

Aeris lit the gas fireplace. "Barret calls this nature's Bug Zapper. Bugs fly in and, poof. I think it's cruel."

"Sit." Elena patted the seat next to her. "You're pacing like Nanaki at a tech seminar."

Aeris laughed. "He does pace, doesn't he? I mean, did you see how his eyes lit up describing that four-dimensional worm I pulled from Tifa's throat? I hope Tifa's all right. We may not have found all the portals."

"Flower girl, you extroverts drain me like fresh squeezed orange juice."

Aeris wrinkled her brow. "Elena. Do you still, have those nightmares? That John caused?"

"Not as such." Elena took a sip of her wine.

"Oh?"

"Look at me."

Aeris took another bite of rice pie and turned, the exact taste combination of sweet and bitter-tart lingering on her tongue. "Mmf." She chewed and swallowed.

"You don't see it?"

"See what?"

Elena took a bigger sip of wine and cocked her eyebrow, as if waiting for the answer on a quiz show.

Aeris strained to see an aura. Nothing. No Cetra, no Jenova, not even Tifa's blank silver that Barret called "kick-ass."

"You want to know what my dreams have been like lately?"

Aeris nodded, warmth building in her chest.

Elena sighed. "This, you knot-head." Slipping her hand behind Aeris' neck, she leaned in for the kiss.

"Mmf!" But Aeris did not pull away. Neither did the warmth. She grasped Elena's free hand in hers.

Thump thump thump!

They jerked apart.

"Rufus on a rack!" Elena snapped.

"Go away Reno!" They said together.

"Ach, dear lassies. How could ye confuse me with that berk? We dinnae even look alike."

"Even worse." Aeris rose to unbar the door. Elena followed, smoothing down her hair.

"What is it, Cait?" Aeris opened the door.

"Ah have a wee delivery for ye."

"Mrrow?" Fluffy leapt off the moogle and slid past Aeris in an attempt to entangle herself in Elena's feet.

"Wouldn't she be more of a match for you, moogle cat?" Elena extracted the beast and set her on a chair back.

"Mrrrp."

"Ach, but wee kitty has eyes only for ye. To protect ye from Jenova."

"Anything else, before I pass out trying to follow your bouncing with my eyes?"

"Ye care to hear ye fortunes, bonny lassies?"

"No."

"Pick a card. Any card."

"The door." Elena shut it in his face. Aeris slotted the bar, laughing.

"Meow."

"Yea yea." She grabbed Aeris' hand. "Get back on the couch before our chaperone steals it."

Aeris continued to giggle. "You know, I always thought Cloud was my bodyguard. But you. You would charge in on an armored steed - "

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Talking."

"How else to we communic - mmf?"

Elena pulled back to nose length. "You'll figure it out."

Aeris nodded and kissed her back.

"I'm not so sure this was a good idea," Barret said, squinting at the dark shapes ahead.

"It was your idea, Big Fella."

"Not my idea to bring the Jenova along."

"He brought me, Daddy," said Marlene, trying to skip on ahead.

"Definitely not my idea to bring you along. There are monsters out here."

"Aunt Yuffie will keep 'em away. She go 'whoop, whew!' And they go 'Squeeee!'"

"You also have Cid up in the Highwind," John said.

"I can't believe you got me to ride in that thing again," Yuffie said. "Your trick with the Mist materia worked. But the cucumber slices?"

"They use them at spas. Keeps the evil spirits from possessing your eyes."

"Dd you have to bring the mist down here?" Barret waved away a fog tendril.

"Sorry. Just thought it would add to the atmosphere."

"You two are made for each other," he muttered.

"I heard that!" Yuffie said.

Barret had replaced his grapple with a model that could fire through the palm of his prosthetic hand. A hand that also flipped down to allow him to fire his gun arm, no matter what exotic ammo he slotted in it.

"Here's the rock, Daddy. Just like in the dream song."

Barret scanned for giant leeches. "Okay. You wait up there. If something tries to eat you, Aunt Yuffie will kill it. Right, brat?"

Yuffie chuckled. "Just let it try to get past me."

"So how does this work, Jenova? Do you sing that creepy song again?"

"If I had that cool guitar I gave back to the metal philosopher, I could raise the whole graveyard." (Barret did not like John's grin.) "But we can use my wooden flute. That way I won't alter reality. Just, tap on it a bit."

"If you hurt my daughter - "

"When have I ever hurt Marlene?"

"Quit your yappin' and get on with it," Yuffie said. "My leg's starting to ache." (She still walked with a limp but Aeris had assured them all she would return to full, materia thieving form in a couple weeks.)

"Tifa could do this as well, now," John said. "She inherited a tiny piece of me. I suspect that's how she got Violet. And probably Priscilla."

"Are you trying to scare me off?"

John put the wooden flute to his lips. "Not my instrument but here goes."

After trial and error, he got the tune to work, if in a lower key. A six-legged rat crept toward them until Yuffie waved her shuriken and it ambled away. The remaining shroud of mist rotated about them, making Barret dizzy. Still, nothing stirred beyond the -

"Zombie!" Marlene bounded off the boulder and gave the Myrna creature a hug.

"Noth the reac-thun I uthually geth."

Barret began to call back Marlene but Yuffie said, "She's not going to hurt her, silly. Go talk."

"Barreth." The Myrna zombie steadied herself. "Sorry about the lisp. Got thomething caught in my teeth." With a clawed hand she pulled out a night-crawler.

"You always did go for the drama." He walked forward.

"That's why you married me, lunkhead."

"I wish you would stop - " His ankle bracelet beeped. "Really? Out here?"

"Did you get yourself arrested? I told you not to trust cops." She released Marlene and walked to him. "Shinra has no mercy for us."

"I got six months of community service. I, may have had a hand in blowing up one or two mako reactors, but we also bagged Sephiroth, so - "

"Picking up my bad habits." She pried a clod of dirt from her right shoulder. "What I would give for a bath."

"Scarlet is dead. Nothing left but a hand in a jar."

"You seem to have misplaced one of your hands."

"Dyne and I had a, falling out."

Myrna faltered a bit. John began his melody again.

"He left you a handful, though."

Marlene skipped around.

"And another handful, I see." Myrna grinned at Yuffie, who tried to look nonchalant.

"Don't remind me," Barret said.

"Playing coy now?"

Barret made a show of clearing his throat.

"Community service? For blowing up a reactor? Shinra used to shoot on sight for less than that."

Barret's throat tightened. "They owed us. For killing Sephiroth. Carmine, Scarlet's cousin, she got six years. Not that they could fit her with an ankle bracelet."

"I sense time running out," Myrna said. "Don't forget me. Take care of Marlene, will you?"

"Oh no. I don't want to lose you again."

"I'd make an awful house guest." She opened her arms. "Give me a hug?"

Barret did, wrapping his good arm around her. "I have missed you so much . . . "

"And I you, you silly oaf." Myrna leaned in to whisper. "Take care of your little friend. She has a good heart. I can sense it."

"But - "

When the song ended, the fog settled and Myrna dissolved into a shower of twigs, dirt, and bone fragments. Barret let the last memories of her sift through his fingers and fall at his feet. When he began to sob, Marlene put her arms around his waist. Yuffie stepped to his other side and gave him a hug.

"Sorry about the abrupt end," John said later, "my control slipped."

Barret nodded. Shuddered.

"I can do this, every few weeks or so. If you want. Better not ask Tifa yet. It will give her an awful headache, if I'm any guide." He rubbed his forehead.

"That. Was cool." Yuffie disengaged and turned toward John. "This should help your headache." She stood, orange fire blooming around her, shuriken raised high. Lowering it to her forehead, she bowed. Blue globes of healing billowed around them.

"I keep forgetting you can do that," Barret said.

"Clear Tranquil. Thanks." John brightened. "Let's get back to the Highwind before you break probation."

On month later, Tifa sat on the hearth by the Cosmic Candle, watching the night crowd filter by. John puttered on his stage, messing with his equipment. His one-month hiatus had stirred up rumors, and some folks just hoped more four-dimensional worms would boil forth.

"I wish he hadn't taken the blame for that," Tifa said to no one in particular.

"Are you talking about that Jenova?" Elena said. "He'll be fine."

"Not worried about him. Thrill seekers showing up to see worms boiling out of the ground? That worries me."

Elena barked out a laugh. "You closed all the unstable portals, silly. I helped locate some of those nasty things myself." She put an arm around Aeris. "I really didn't like the blank portal with nothing beyond it except the sound of chewing."

"That wasn't Yuffie's," Aeris said. "We closed it though, rather than find out who Hazazoth was."

Yuffie sat at Tifa's feet, letting her banded snake slither up around her arms. Currently it draped across her shoulders behind her neck.

"Coily. You perv," Yuffie said, as its head poked under the front of her shirt.

"That's not a poisonous one, right?" Tifa said.

"Red black yellow black. Venom lack," Yuffie said.

Tifa patted her shorts pocket. The square lump reminded her she had not lost her nerve.

Nanaki stirred on her right. "I've been thinking," he said. "You and the Entropic Blade. I do not believe you would have let it control you."

"You think so? I really wanted to kill Whippy. I would have, had Violet not stopped me."

"Yes, you would have. But after that, you would have returned that blade, despite how much blood it begged you to spill. You have way too big a heart to let a pretentious sword control you."

"It wanted Barret though."

"Barret would have a harder time returning it, given his mechanical forearm."

The big guy held court out in the plaza, slinging a ball across the yard to have two dogs and a screeching Marlene retrieve it for him.

"Does that count as community service?"

"He rescued two kittens from high perches using his grapple, which does count." Nanaki looked back at the nearly completed façade. "Grandfather is pleased with the progress. Who knew Barret could direct such a project?"

Cloud walked back from the food court near the sound stage, carrying a pair of skewers in each hand. He handed one pair to Aeris. "Hi Teef. Care for a celebratory rat?"

Yuffie gathered up her snake. "Grossness."

"What are we celebrating?"

"One month since you asked." Cloud blushed.

"One month since you failed to give me an answer."

"I gave you an answer."

"A shrug? If I wanted a shrug I would have proposed to Vincent."

Yuffie let out a high-pitched giggle.

"I think, Cissnei, would protest - "

"For crying out loud, Cloud. You aren't in competition with Cissnei."

"Not to put too fine a point on it, but you didn't actually ask me."

"I believe I asked you what you would say if I did ask you. And I gave you the length of my shower to think about your answer. To work through all the hypotheticals. So when you whisked open the shower door I figured you had your answer."

"I needed my bottle of hair gel."

"Arrrrgh!" Tifa wanted to chew her hair off. "So then, I asked you. Flat out. No hypotheticals."

"After you screamed."

"Uh, hello? Did you not know what water running in the shower meant? Anyway, I asked you, since I had your attention - " (Yuffie snorted) "I popped the question. And your answer? Shocked silence."

Cloud blushed redder than the sunset on Cosmo clay. "I, you . . . you had me . . . distracted."

"So you shrugged? I mean, it's not even a multiple-choice question!"

"I, uh, you have to admit. You are very. Distracting."

Yuffie laughed so hard she almost lost her hold on her snake. Tifa shot to her feet, feeling all eyes on her. Even Barret's from across the yard.

"Look." She thrust her hand into her pocket. "I will make it even simpler." She held out the box and opened the lid. "Marry me. That's an order."

Cloud almost dropped the rat skewers. Tifa set the box on his outstretched palm.

"W-what's this?"

Yuffie said, "It's an engagement ring, Dorkus."

"Exactly," said Tifa. "It goes on your finger."

"But . . . "

Tifa took the ring and slid it onto his finger. "Easy, right?"

"Yes."

"Give me these." She took the remaining rat skewers.

"That was my answer, Teef."

She froze.

"I will marry you, Tifa."

She worked her mouth but no sound came out.

"Holy crap," said someone behind her.

"Cid?" Her voice croaked. "Are you here too?"

"Wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Hold these then, will you?" She gave Cid the skewers and threw herself into Cloud's arms.

Later, Carmine asked, "Do I get an invite?"

"We don't have a date set yet," Cloud said. Tifa somehow refrained from hitting him.

Carmine barked a laugh. "I know the perfect honeymoon spot for you two. Thanks to my evil nurse."

"Let me guess. Heidegger's golf course?" Tifa said.

"Wasn't his presentation great?"

"Not the word I would use," Tifa said, "Memorable. Appalling. Grotesque, sure."

Heidegger stood smug on that stage, Violet beside him, the prospective buyers seated in formation before them. Tifa had a seat in the back row. Carmine lurked beside her, hair hidden by an old lady wig, prosthetic legs dangling over her hoverboard, a cape over herself and her zombie partner. She reminded Tifa of those moaning Sephiroth clones back in Nibelheim.

"Own your own dream destination!" Heidegger seemed to swell like a puffer fish. "Watch your investment grow, especially as others buy in later, while you have your pick of paradise. The resort that will, guaranteed, take your breath away!"

Tifa heard a branch snap in the woods behind her. She made out the gaunt from of Jack-Jack slipping between the trees. Carmine let out a chuckle.

"Best of all, your points renew every year. Gya-ha-ha. Your fun in the sun will never end!"

"I see a few wisps," said Carmine in an old lady voice.

"We have the best golf you have ever played. Gya-ha-ha. Who doesn't like golf?" Mist began to drift around him. He began to cough. His entourage stumbled aside, also caught up in gagging spasms. Heidegger grabbed the podium, struggling to stand, before vomiting splatters of blood toward his audience. The first three rows bolted, also retching, but the rest stood up to get a closer view.

"Glurgh?" Heidegger bathed himself in green magic.

"Somebody didn't listen to his carpenters' union," Carmine said.

"Who are you, old witch?" Heidegger pointed at Carmine but vomited again. The remaining crowd gave an appreciative "Ahh."

"Looks like the spirits don't like you, gopher breath."

Indeed, Tifa could make out silvery forms moving through the mist. Eventually, Violet fired off another spell and the mist disappeared, save for a lonely call of "Mother, mother . . . " from the woods.

"Toughen up, old fella." Violet gave him a shake. "Adversity builds character. Isn't that what you tell your crew when they collapse from blood loss?"

"Wow, Dad," said a teenage boy near the back. "This place is awesome! When can we stay here?"

Back at the Flame, Tifa spread her arms. "So, Carmine. Tell me you had nothing to do with that."

"You mean, milking Heidegger like a prize cow?"

"Violet told me the timeshares sold out before the day's end."

"My nurse will have more patients than she ever dreamed of. All those bored rich people venturing out to lay bets on who projectile vomits the most blood."

"That's terrible," Aeris said.

"You don't know the half of it," said Tifa. "The ski resort project is also back on."

Yuffie perked up. "Reno's big plan? We thought he dropped the dorky idea after his secretary Talia ratted him out to Cissnei."

"No. Not that place . . . " Aeris opened her eyes in shock.

"Violet gave me an interactive tour," Tifa said. "Showed me how Shinra gunned her down before she could get her dance. It made her spirit a bit testy."

"Reno wants to build, a ski resort? At Pebble Creek?"

Carmine barked out another laugh. "This one you can't blame me for."

Cloud said, "Smashing my fiancée on the head with a giant hammer, now that I can blame you for."

Tifa smiled. She loved the sound of the word fiancée.

"And yet, here we are together. Minus my legs."

"All those poor people," Aeris said. "I felt their pain. Their shock. Their sadness."

"And now they can possess bored Shinra housewives. I bet your Jenova kid conspired with Violet on that caper. Do you think if I played angry spirit matchmaker it would count for my community service?"

Nanaki approached. "Good evening, comrades in arms. I put our local legal research team on another fascinating project. Pursuant to our proposal to convert the world's remaining mako reactors into thorium salt generators, I had him pull the permits for every power grid and the land deeds needed to convert the inactive reactors as well. The wonderful thing about thorium salt reactors is - "

"Don't you dare," Carmine said. "If you launch into another lecture about denatured molten salt fission reactors, I swear to God I will chew my own eyebrows off."

"You had one yourself, in your Wutai lab."

"So I did. But it was a molten salt breeder reactor, not denatured. That's how I turned Yuffie's butler into that stain you have on your courtyard."

"He deserved it," Yuffie said. "Lecherous goat."

"Ho-ho-hoo!" Bugenhagen drifted by. "I hear the concert will begin soon. You don't want to miss the opening act."

Tifa said, "Promise me you will never sing that song 'Dead Guppies' again?"

"Better," said Barret. "Marlene is going to play her harp. My little girl. On that big stage."

"This girl's going to need a new materia soon." Carmine jerked a thumb at Priscilla. Yuffie backed away in horror. "And not another Chocobo Lure. We spent the last two weeks with every chicken in the world clucking after us."

Cloud contrived to look innocent.

"Testing, testing," John said over the microphone.

"Let's find some seats before they all disappear. Wouldn't want to miss Marlene." Or the boiling forth of worms.

"Hell no." Barret let the way. Tifa followed with Cloud. Aeris and Elena followed them, hand in hand. The two literal drifters, Carmine and Bugenhagen, floated along with them, one on either side.

"Maybe those two should hook up," Elena said. Aeris laughed.

"Heard that." Carmine said.

Marlene plucked a few strings before they all seated themselves, even Cid, hands still greasy from working on a drive axle or something. Tifa spotted other familiar faces: Xia from the herb and massage shop, wings wrapped around her body for warmth, chatting with Nanaki. (Did she know about thorium salt reactors? She will now!) Larry and the Darryls sat on a bottom row, each with a pitcher of beer in his hand. Even Lyra and Shane showed up, reminding Tifa that yes, sometimes she did get it right.

"No Vincent," she said. "Then again, he's not exactly a John Philip Sorea fan."

"Cissnei has a date," Elena said. "Coincidence? I think not."

Cait Sith bobbled around on the stage, tying balloons to the front corners of the keyboard.

"Every circus needs a clown."

"Have you still not forgiven him for that pumpkin vodka?" Aeris squeezed Elena's arm.

"That will take years. But you know whom I will never forgive?"

"Mind the dead goat," said an unfamiliar voice. Tifa whirled on her bleachers seat.

"Rufus on a roofie cracker!" Elena stood, eyes ablaze.

"Sit down. The slightest breeze could knock thee over, child."

Elena sat with a thump. Tifa gazed down at the older woman, pointy hat on her head, wand in her left hand and a goat leash in her right.

"That goat is alive, right?" Tifa said.

"Much easier to transport, dearie. Should I lose my way home. I have my required goat entrails on the hoof."

"Or, you could ask for directions? You are a woman, after all."

"Touché."

"Good evening everyone," John said, tapping the microphone. "It has been, one hell of a month, and yet most of our work has just begun. Construction, renovation, healing the wounds of the Planet, or perhaps seventy-one more months of saving helpless kittens."

"Rub it in, mind reading jackass," Carmine muttered.

"Let me present my newest assistant and your favorite band member, Marlene Wallace." He paused for applause. "She would like to play a new song for you. She heard me singing it in the sun shower and fell in love with it."

Barret growled. "Daddy, why is there a naked boy twirling on the roof?" He mimicked.

"This song really lightens my mood, as it uses the Lydian mode right up until the final line."

"The what?" Elena said.

Nanaki said, "The major diatonic scale with the fourth scale degree raised a semitone, forming an augmented fourth above the tonic."

"Sorry I asked."

The goat witch chuckled.

John went on. "The song asks one simple question. And we think we know the answer, until we think about it. The question is, 'Who Wants to Live Forever?' And my answer is, hell no, not me."

Marlene began to pluck out the ethereal tune on her harp strings; a couple of Hiro's girls (they of many talents) accompanied her on their violins. Larry and the Darryls took a synchronized swig of beer.

"You don't really want to live forever, do you?" John said before sliding into the airy vocals.

Well, I don't want to die right away, either, Tifa thought. But then she thought of Whippy, lying in his cage, screaming about his imaginary missing hands. "And a long, long life to you too," she said, giving Cloud a two-armed hug.

"Tifa. After all this time. Thank the Planet I finally found you."