A/N You don't have to worry with this one, Kryten, I promise you that there is absolutely no poop or puke talk in this chapter. Nope, just some good old Shortman shenanigans. So go ahead and grab a snack and enjoy. LOL

As Time Goes By

Chapter 28

The old wives tale of March blowing in like a lion rings true as the ghostly sounds of the wind flows through the window panes of Phillip's glass ceiling. Phillip's four-year-old imagination gets the best of him, and he swears that it must be the voice of four-eyed Jack that he is hearing as he cowers underneath the safety of his covers.

Down at street level, the wind picks up a discarded plastic bag with the words Hillwood Groceries stamped across it, sending it sailing up into the air. It hovers in the breeze for a moment until a second gust takes over, continuing the bag's ascent. Eventually the bag makes its way to the rooftop of the boarding house, and just as it begins to lose steam another strong gust gives it the push it needs and sends it sailing into Phillip's glass ceiling.

Unfortunately for Phillip, he chose just that moment to peek out from his cloth fortress. As the bag hits the glass pane, it flattens out so that the two O's in the word Hillwood menacingly stare down at the already frightened child. It becomes too much for the boy when yet another gust causes the bag to quiver like some sort of a disembodied specter. He lays frozen in place, unable to move until the unwanted visitor calls out to him in an eerie moan.

In a flash he bolts from the protection of his covers, rushes past Mr. Cheezy's cage and disappears down the stairs. He makes a beeline for his parent's bedroom, foregoing all protocol by bursting unannounced into their room. With yells of "He's after me! He's after me!" Phillip dives between the unsuspecting pair, startling them awake.

Helga bolts upright, her balled up fists ready to take on any intruder, while Arnold grabs his old baseball bat that sits by his side of the bed as he jumps out of bed. It only takes a second for Helga to come to her senses, and realize that the would-be robber is none other than her own flesh and blood. She holds onto her spinning head while glaring at her hysterical child. "Criminy, Phillip, you just about gave me a heart attack! What on earth is all this fuss about?"

The boy immediately burrows into the safety of his parent's covers while repeating once more, "He's after me! He's after me!"

After giving the house a quick once over, Arnold realizes that it's just a false alarm, and replaces the bat by his bedside He sits next to his frightened child, his words low and calm as he cajoles his son out from under the covers. "Hey now, Phillip, it's okay, nobody's after you. Why don't you come on out from under the covers and tell us what happened."

Phillip is reluctant at first and shakes his head no. "Uh-uh, if I do's he'll gets me."

Realizing that her son is truly frightened and not just playing around, Helga's motherly instincts kick in and she rubs his back through the covers. "Who's going to get you, Phillip?"

Phillip talks through his sobs. "Him is, Four-Eyed Jacks is trying to gets into my room!"

Helga narrows her eyes at Arnold at the mention of Four-Eyed Jack, and growls at him. "I told you he was too young for that story."

Arnold defends his actions. "Hey, my grandpa told me that same story when I was a kid and I had no problem with it."

Helga crosses her arms in front of her chest and continues to glare. "Yeah, but you were nine years old when he told it to you! Now look at what you've done. This is your mess, so you'd better do something quickly or else he'll never sleep alone in his room again."

Not wanting to argue with his wife while his son lays frightened in their bed, Arnold turns down the bed covers to reveal their child. He picks up Phillip and places him in his lap. Phillip immediately hides his face in Arnold's chest and continues to cry.

Arnold rubs Phillip's shoulders as he talks. "Hey, Philly, that old Four-Eyed Jack is just a story, he's not real."

Phillip is quick to argue. "Yes he is, I saws him."

"You couldn't have." Arnold insists. "Come on, let's go back to your room and you can show me where you think you saw him, okay?"

Phillip aggressively shakes his head. "No, no, no, he'll gets me if I goes upstairs."

"No he won't." Arnold reassures, "cause I'll be right there with you."

Phillip's cries turn to mere sniffles. "You pwomise? You wont's leaves me?"

Arnold nods his head. "Yes, I promise. Now come on."

They get out of bed and head towards Phillip's bedroom with Helga trailing closely behind. Once inside they look around the empty room. Arnold is sure the matter is over when Phillip lets out another scream while pointing to the skylight. "There he is!"

Both parent's follow Phillip's finger, raising their eyes to the glass ceiling where they spy the grocery bag that sits still peering into the dark bedroom. Helga quickly flips on the lights to reveal the perpetrator. "That's not a ghost, Phillip, it's just a dirty old grocery bag."

Letting go of Phillip's hand, Arnold climbs the steps up to the rooftop. He grabs the bag and brings it back into the room with him. "See, Philly, like your mommy said, it's just an old bag. There's nothing to be scared about."

Phillip's not so easily convinced. "But it was talking to me, saying it was gonna gets me."

Just at that moment the wind picks up, causing the ghostly moan from before. Phillip grabs onto Helga's leg for protection. "See, it's hims, saying he wants to gets me."

Helga peels Phillip from her leg. "No, Phillip, I know it may sound like a ghost, but that's just the wind blowing through the panes of glass by the door to your ceiling. It looks like it just needs some fresh weather stripping and it will be good as new, with no more noises to bother you."

Phillip lifts his gaze to Helga's. "Are you sure?"

Helga nods her head and smiles. "Yes, baby, Mommy is positive that that's all it is. It's just the wind, and the wind is nothing to be scared of."

"That's right." Arnold adds for good measure. "This time of year it can get pretty windy, but you shouldn't let it scare you. Okay?"

Choosing to believe his parents, Phillip gives a small smile. "Okay, I won't let the wind scares me no more."

"Good." Helga says while turning and heading for the door. "Well, it's too late to go back to bed, so I might as well start breakfast. I could use a nice strong cup of coffee right about now."

"Good idea." Arnold says as he takes Phillip by the hand and follows his wife out of the room. As they walk downstairs, an idea comes to him. "Hey, Phillip, I have a great idea. With this looking to be a windy day, how about you and I go down to Tina Park today to fly kites? Would you like that?"

Phillip smiles for the first time since waking up. "Oh boy, kites!" He turns to look at Helga. "And you can come too, Mommee."

Helga gives her head a shake. "No can do, Buddy. I have plans to go with your Aunt Phoebe for the final fitting of her wedding dress. But maybe your Uncle Gerald might like to join you and Daddy at the park. If I remember correctly your Uncle Gerald used to love to fly kites."

Phillip looks up at Arnold with eager eyes. "Can we, Daddee, can we calls Uncle Gerwold?"

Arnold nods his head. "Sure, I don't see why not. It's still pretty early right now, but I'll give him a call a little later on and see if he wants to join us, okay?"

"Okays!" His stomach gives a little growl, causing him to place his hands on his belly. "I'm hungries, what's for bweakfast, Mommee?"

"Well," Helga says, giving the back of her neck a rub. "After a morning like we've had, I'd say some peanut butter pancakes may be just the thing we need."

"Oh, boy!" Phillip yells, putting the past half an hour behind him, "Peanut butter pamcakes! My favorite!"

xxxxx

Climbing down from the wall ladder in Phillip's bedroom, Arnold stands next to his son, a tube of silicone adhesive and some left over weather stripping in his hands. He looks up, admiring his work, and gives Phillip a pat on his back. "Well, Philly Boy, I don't think you'll have any more problems with the wind coming through your windows."

Phillip looks up to the skylight ceiling. "Are you sures Daddee?"

Arnold nods his head. "Yes, I'm pretty sure."

Phillip turns his gaze to his father. "Then can we goes to the park now?"

Arnold starts to head for the door. "Sure, let me put this stuff away, and then I'll give your Uncle a call and see if he wants to come along. Okay?"

Phillip head for his closet. "Okay!" Swinging the door open, he rummages through a mix of toys and shoes in search of his favorite kite. His smile fades to a small frown when he finds what he's been searching for. Holding it up, he sees that a couple of the main sticks that hold the kite together have been snapped in two, rendering the kite useless. Doing his best not to cry, he carries the kite downstairs.

He walks into the kitchen just as Arnold is coming up the stairs from the basement. Seeing the look on Phillip's face causes a furrow in Arnold's brow. "Hey, why the long face?"

Phillip holds up the battered kite. "It gotted all brokes and we can'ts go flying kites now."

Arnold takes the kite from Phillip and examines it. "It sure did get broken, but, hey, that's no reason to be sad."

Phillip lets out a small sniffle. "It's not?"

"No, we can just stop off at the drugstore on our way to the park and buy a new one."

Phillip's sad expression immediately turns to one of joy. "We can? Oh boy! I know just the one I wants!"

Arnold lets out a small chuckle. "Oh you do, do you?"

Phillip nods his head. "Yep, they has this Thomas one that's weally big, and has Thomas's face on it, and a weally long tail! I know cause I saws it hanging from the ceiling of the store."

Phillip's enthusiasm begins to rub off on Arnold, causing the kid in him to come out. "Oh yeah? Well cool, let me give your Uncle a call to tell him we're on our way, then we can go get the kite. Now run upstairs and go potty while I call Gerald."

Phillip scurries out of the kitchen yelling out an excited "Okay!" While Arnold pulls his cell phone out of his back pocket, and it's not too much longer after that that the three boys find themselves entering through the doors of Hillwood Drug's.

They stop to scan the isle headings in search of the seasonal toy department when Phillip point's over their heads. "There it is, Daddee, over theres."

Looking towards where Phillip is pointing the first thing Arnold and Gerald notice is a large kite being blown by the store's air conditioner as it hangs from the ceiling. Arnold runs his fingers through his mop of hair and gives a little whistle. "Man, Phillip, you weren't kidding when you said it was really big."

Phillip takes off running towards the suspended kite. "Oh, boy, I can't waits to fly it!"

The two men follow after the excited child, with Gerald shaking his head in uncertainty. "I don't know, Arnold. That kite looks awfully big for Phillip. You sure he can handle it?"

Arnold reassures his friend. "Aw, it'll be okay. We'll get one more his size too, that way if that Thomas one is too hard for him to handle he can fly the smaller one instead."

Figuring that Arnold knows what he's talking about, Gerald just goes along with it. "Whatever you say, you're the dad."

They catch up to Phillip and all three stand under the smiling face of Thomas the Tank Engine. Arnold checks one more time to make sure that that is indeed the kite Phillip wants. "So you're sure you want that particular kite?"

Phillip adamantly nods his head. "Yep, that's the one."

"Okay then, let's see if we can find one."

They go over to the shelf that holds the store's selection of kites and start rummaging through them. After a moment it becomes clear that there are no Thomas kites like that to be found. Arnold shoots Gerald a worried side glance before turning towards Phillip. "Um, Philly, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think they have any more Thomas kites left."

Philip's eyes begin to well up with tears at his father's words. "B-but you pwomiseded me I could has one."

Arnold does his best to reason with the child. "I know, Phillip, but they don't have any more left. I can't help that. How about a fun Abdicator one? Or, hey, here's one with a picture of a cute puppy on it. Would you like that one?"

Phillip starts shaking his head and pointing upwards. "No, I don't wants no dumb puppy one. I wants that one. You pwomised."

The sound of Phillip's cries gets the attention of the store manager, who comes over to see what the problem is. "Is everything okay over here?"

Gerald looks at the man's nametag and explains the situation. "Well, you see, uh, Rodney is it? Well, Rodney, it seems this little fella over here sort of had his heart set on purchasing one of your more popular Thomas kites, but it seems as if you don't have any left."

The look on Phillip's face tugs at Rodney's heart and he does what he can to appease the boy. "Oh, yes, that's always a very popular model, and sells out fast. Perhaps I can interest your son in something else. Maybe he'd like a fire truck?"

Gerald waves both his hands up in front of him and nods towards Arnold. "Oh, no, I'm just the uncle. This guy here's the dad."

Shifting his gaze from Arnold to Phillip, he finally notices the obvious resemblance and apologizes. "Of course, how silly of me. If he doesn't want a fire truck, we have one made to look like a soaring eagle when you fly it."

Phillip points to Thomas. "What about that one?"

Rodney looks up towards the ceiling. "Oh, well I afraid that that's for display only. Plus it's quite a bit bigger than our regular kites. Are you sure you could handle something like that?"

Phillip nods his head. "Yep, I's a big kid. It's no pwoblem for me."

Rodney sees how much Phillip has his heart set on the kite and his soft side gets the better of him. "Well, that display has been up there for quite a while, and we're almost out of kites anyway. I guess I don't see the harm in letting that one go."

Phillip immediately starts to jump up and down. "Yaaayy! Thanks you Mister! Thanks you!"

Arnold takes a good look at the size of the kite, its over-sized dimensions finally registering in his brain, and is beginning to have second thoughts. "Oh, well, that's very kind of you, but I really don't think –"

"Don't mention it." Rodney yells as he goes to retrieve a ladder. "It's no problem at all, besides we normally give away our displays once we're done with them, so just think of this as your lucky day."

On the inside Arnold wonders if this is such a good idea while on the outside he just smiles. "Yeah, my lucky day."

He shoots Gerald a glare when his friend begins to snicker. Gerald tries unsuccessfully to stop from smiling. "What'd I do?"

Once Rodney has successfully detached the Thomas kite from the ceiling he hands it to Arnold. "I'm afraid you're going to have to take it as is. It's been glued together and can't be undone."

The length of the kite comes to about chest height on Arnold, and he does his best to make it to the front of the store without knocking any items off the shelves, and once they are back outside he wonders just how they're going to get the oversized kite to fit in the Packard.

He gets Phillip locked into his seat first, then places the kite between him and the front seats. The diamond shape of the kite makes it impossible to keep from blocking his rear vision, and he finds that he is going to have to rely only on his side mirrors as they make their way to Tina Park.

Pulling out of the parking lot he looks at Gerald's much smaller kite. "So which one did you end up settling on?"

Gerald turns the package over to show Arnold the picture. "It's a stealth fighter jet. Says here it's specifically made for in air battle and tricks. Too bad there was only one left cause I would have loved to battle it out with you once they were airborne."

Arnold lifts his eyes to the rear view mirror. "Yeah, well, I'll be lucky if Phillip and I will even be able to just get that monstrosity up in the air at all."

Gerald does nothing to stifle a chuckle as they pull into the small parking lot of Tina Park. Once the car has come to a stop Phillip is quick to throw open the straps that hold him down. He's excited and can't wait to get his new treasure up in the air. "Hurries up, Daddee, I can't waits to fly my new kite!"

"Okay, calm down buddy. Now be careful with that thing. If you put any holes in it we'll never get it up in the air. Now where did we put that kite string?"

Gerald holds up a small plastic bag containing everything they'll need to get both kites in the air. "It's here with the stuff for my kite. I'm going to need a minute or two to get this thing put together you know."

"No worries." Arnold says while pulling the brightly colored monstrosity from the back of his car. "We still need to attach the string to this thing too, plus, I think I'm going to need your help to get this going. Phillip doesn't have the coordination to run and hold onto the kite at the same time. Plus one of us is going to have to hold onto it until it catches air."

Walking into the park they find a nice shady patch of grass and get to work. Once Gerald has put the last of the stickers onto his kite, they walk to an open area and he hands the toy to Phillip. "Hang onto this for me, will ya Phil, while I help your dad get your Thomas kite into the air, okay?"

Phillip takes the kite and looks at the brightly colored stickers that stand out against the black of the plastic. He stares into two menacing eyes that glare back at him, and he looks in awe at the set of sharply pointed teeth that make up the fighter jet's snarling mouth. It has a long tail that trails to the ground and on a scale of one to ten for awesomeness it's a definite twelve in his young mind. He looks from Gerald's kite to his own and silently watches as the two men do their best to get Thomas afloat.

It takes both hands for Gerald just to be able to hold the kite upright so it can catch the wind. Its exaggerated size makes it cumbersome and it becomes quite the balancing act for the poor guy. Taking the spool of string, Arnold walks a good distance away from Gerald before stopping and turning back to his friend. They need to get the kite high enough above Gerald's head to catch a good breeze, which is looking to be easier said than done.

"You've got to hold it higher up!" Arnold yells, causing Gerald to give him a frustrated glare.

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" Gerald yells back.

"Well try again, it feels like a nice strong breeze is starting to build."

As soon as the words leave Arnold's mouth the kite is picked up by a strong gust of wind which hits the tow point of the kite, pushing it upwards and out of Gerald's hands. As soon as Thomas's smiling face begins to lift, Arnold starts to run in the opposite direction while letting out some string. It takes a moment for the giant monstrosity to achieve the right angle to keep it afloat, and it takes great concentration on Arnold's part to keep it that way.

Once he has the kite stable, he slowly backs up to where Phillip stands watching, with Gerald's fighter kite held tightly in his grasp. Arnold takes his eyes off of the kite he's flying long enough to talk to his son. "What do you think, Phillip, pretty neat, huh?"

Phillip has to admit that seeing something so big hovering above him like that is pretty cool, so he answers his father with a nod of his head. "Yeah, it's so big! I can't believe that you gotted it to stay in the air like that."

Phillip's words cause Arnold to become just a little too sure of himself, and he lets his guard down just enough for the kite to make a dip downwards towards where Gerald is standing. Gerald stands frozen in momentary shock as the kite begins to go into a dive and it is with great force that Arnold is able to maneuver the beast back up towards the sky.

Once the shock of almost being impaled by a huge smiling Thomas has worn off, Gerald runs over to his friends. "Man, Arnold, were you trying to kill me or what?"

A faint blush colors Arnold's cheeks. "I'm sorry, Gerald, I got distracted for a moment."

"Yeah, well pay more attention to what you're doing, will ya." Gerald let's out in a huff. He turns his gaze to Phillip now. "So what do you say, Philly, you up for giving the kite a try yourself?"

Arnold speaks up before his son has a chance to reply. "I don't think that's a good idea, Gerald. I'm a grown man and I can barely keep this thing up in the air."

"Aw, well you can at least let him help you hold onto the handle. Right Phillip?"

Phillip looks from his uncle to the kite that hovers above them and tightens his grasp on Gerald's kite. "I don't know, Uncle Gerwold."

Wanting his son to see that there's nothing to be scared of, Arnold coaxes him over. "It's okay, Phillip, I'll be helping you. It will be fun, I promise."

Trusting that his own father wouldn't lie to him, Phillip cautiously steps in front of Arnold. "Okays, I guess I coulds trwy."

Arnold lowers his hands so Phillip can gold onto the spool that holds the remaining bit of kite string. "Okay, you know how to do it, just hold onto the ends of the spool. That's right, like that."

Phillip holds onto the spool, with Arnold covering his small hands with his own bigger ones. He loosens his grip so that Phillip can feel the force of the pull. Each time a gust blows the kite, Arnold takes control by tightening his own grip.

With his two friends busy with their kite, Gerald goes about getting his own kite up in the air. His first few attempts at solo flying don't go so well and it becomes apparent that he's going to need a little help. He holds the fighter jet out towards Arnold, and asks him to hold onto it. "Hey, Arnold, can ya do me a solid and use one of your hands to hold up my kite so I can get it up in the air?"

Arnold gives his head a shake. "I don't think I can, Gerald. It's taking all my concentration just to keep this one afloat."

"Aw, come on, Arnold, all I need is one of your hands. You can still hold onto your kite with no problem."

Not sure if he should be doing this, Arnold momentarily lets go of the Thomas kite while holding tighter to the spool with his other one. Once he thinks he's got control of the situation he nods his head to Gerald. "Okay, I can't hold onto both for very long, so you're going to have to hurry up and get that thing into the air."

Gerald gives his friend an acknowledging salute and waits for the next big gust of wind. No more than a minute later he gets what he's been waiting for, and he can feel his kite start to fight against the wind. He begins to run backwards while yelling to Arnold. "Okay, you can let go now!"

Just as Gerald's fighter kite begins to achieve lift-off, Phillip's kite is hit with the same gust of wind, causing the kite to lurch upwards. The force of the wind tugs at what Arnold has dubbed, "the Monstrosity", and pulls it from his slackened grip. The kite is too much for Phillip to handle alone, and before they know it the handle of the kite is pulled from both of their grasps.

They watch the Monstrosity as it gains in altitude, with the handle being dragged across the park. Phillip stands yelling as Arnold takes off in pursuit. "My kite! My kite! It's getteding aways!"

Seeing that his friend is in trouble, Gerald shoves the handle of his kite into Phillip's hands before chasing after Arnold. "Here, Phillip, hold onto this for me while I go help your dad." Preferring Gerald's kite over his anyway, Phillip happily takes hold of the fighter kite.

The next few minutes pass by in slow motion as the two men go running through the park while pointing upwards. They do their best to yell out warnings as they go about the chase. The strong gust of wind dies down as quickly as it began, which sends the rouge kite into what can only be described as a death spiral.

Their shouts have finally gotten the attention of most of the other park goers and all except for one unfortunate couple scatter for cover. Arnold does his best to warn the pair of young lovers that lay snuggled up to each other as they enjoy their day in the park. The one finally hears Arnold's shouts and looks up to see what all the commotion is about. Looking to where Arnold is pointing in the sky, he watches in horror as the smiling face of Thomas the Tank Engine makes a beeline for him and his girlfriend. Gaining control of his senses, he pushes his partner away from him then rolls in the opposite direction just as the tip of the Monstrosity hits the ground between them. The kite falls to its side completely covering the two love birds.

The couple struggles to escape from under the mass of brightly colored plastic and broken balsa wood sticks as both Arnold and Gerald arrive to help them out. Angry words are shouted by the couple which are returned by profuse apologies first by Arnold and then Gerald.

The two friends gather up their mangled mess, and take the walk of shame as they drag it back to where they first lost control of it.

As they approach Phillip they watch as he easily maneuvers the more manageable fighter kite, sending it into loops and spirals, all the while laughing while wearing a huge smile on his face.

Arnold prepares himself for giving Phillip the bad news about the Thomas kite. "Hey, um, Phillip, I have some bad news for you. It seems that your kite got into a little accident and is no longer flyable."

Phillip answers without looking at his father. "That's okays, Daddee. I likes this kite way more better."

Arnold stands at a loss for words, his best friend walking up next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Looks like you were right after all, Arnold. I guess that kite was a bit too big."

Arnold looks at his friend, and sighs out a defeated, "whatever you say, Gerald." And hopes that Helga is having a better day than him.