Trying to work through a few more chapters tonight. I promise things will get better. But usually not until they get worse. Farming taught me that years ago.

Mike was just about to leave the office and head over to Berkeley when his phone rang. Dreading a call about another homicide, he swallowed hard before raising the receiver to his ear.

"Lieutenant Stone? Homicide."

"Lieutenant, it's Lenny."

He knew exactly what that call was all about once he recognized the psychiatrist's worried voice. Getting up from his chair to close the office door, Mike sat down on the corner of his desk, subconsciously reaching for his coffee cup.

"Lenny…I trust Dan got a hold of you about tomorrow?"

"He did, yes…", Lenny said hesitantly and Mike could hear him shuffle some paperwork on the other end, "I am…I guess I am not quite sure what this is all about besides the obvious. What is going on with Wonderboy? I thought he was busy achieving his life goals educating spoiled rugrats?"

Mike smiled faintly at the psychiatrist's choice of words before nodding.

"I wish I knew, Lenny. I have never seen him like that. It's like he's out of control."

"Well it's been a couple of years. He would have matured some more since you last saw him. Are you sure you're not just getting overworked with this case and everything surrounding it? Maybe overwhelmed after seeing your friend again?"

Annoyed that Lenny would even consider bringing up such a frivolous point, Mike took a sip of coffee and grunted.

"This has nothing to do with me, believe me. It has everything to do with him. He's changed. And not for the better. To make matters worse, every piece of evidence we're starting to uncover leads directly to him, in the worst way possible. Somebody is clearly setting him up, but he's too cocky to take this seriously. I am afraid for his safety, Lenny."

The man on the other end fell silent for a long moment, giving Mike a chance to scan the bullpen. Much to his surprise, it was nearly empty even though it was barely past 7pm.

"Well, he's not homicidal, I can vouch for that. He doesn't have the right personality- by a long shot. So somebody is after him. Maybe revengeful about an arrest at one point…"

"That's what worries me. We can't find the reason yet and the net is getting tighter. I know he can't be our killer, but the thing that doesn't add up is his startling change in behavior. It's like he's a different person all of a sudden. He's no longer the man you and I knew."

"Lieutenant, have you tried educating a room of young adults lately? It's a recipe for mental breakd-"

"He started to smoke, Lenny.", Mike interrupted and ran a hand through his hair, "He…he even had a mistress who was murdered last night. He's acting rude…and careless like I've never seen him before. It's like he's completely out of control."

"And maybe he is. Because he's out of your control."

"Now, what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that while you two worked together, you were his beacon. He could rely on you as his support and safety net whenever things troubled him. Now that he's on his own, he's trying to overcompensate for the lack of emotional stability by excessively radical behavior. Him smoking again could be a way of dealing with the fact that he nearly lost his life two years ago. Many accident survivors and even widowers start to smoke as a means to feel alive. As far as the mistress goes, he could have used her as an outlet for stress, even a means of control in a world that is seemingly out of his control. Recent studies have suggested that many men who seek out prostitutes are actually successful businessmen living in a lonely world- even if they are married. Imagine it as a way of using your body to convince your mind to fill an emotional void. The sex really is secondary in that situation. It is more a way of ensuring companionship by means of monetary benefit. Steve has worked Vice, he knows better than to touch a prostitute, so if I guess correctly, his mistress could have been somebody tied to the campus. Either a student or even a secretary. Somebody who couldn't just walk away from him."

Mike fell quiet at the astounding accuracy of Lenny's words. Noting his silence, the psychiatrist continued.

"Listen, you said he barely talked to you since he left the force, right? Don't you think it's conceivable that he feels he failed you in some way? I am sure that shooting is still wearing on him quite a bit."

Taking a overdue breath, Mike glanced over to Dan's empty desk, where the young Inspector had excused himself to make it "an early night", preventing him from finishing his daily paperwork on time.

He would never know how grateful Mike was for allowing him to bend the rules as much as possible to avoid the growing avalanche of problems headed their way.

"Why the shooting? He survived. We caught the people responsible and can-"

"You're not listening again, Lieutenant. The same way you weren't listening two years ago when the subject came up."

The stern tone in Lenny's voice surprised him that evening and Mike fell quiet, biting his lip as his eyes drifted back to the photos on his desk.

"Stephen told you months before the shooting what the problem was, he practically begged for your acceptance to let him quit the force. I gave you my explanation of the situation along with a recommendation to let him leave, because his problems would only get compounded with each additional exposure to stressful cases that would lead to a shootout. This was a train wreck in the making, and the best you could do for your partner was to shrug off his concerns and tell him to get back to work. You can complain about him being out of line all day long, but at the end of the day, you did him a great disservice when he needed you the most."

The familiar pain in his chest returned at once, casting a shadow of regret over his soul that was impossible to erase.

No matter how often he relieved the discussions leading up to Steve's departure over and over again, no matter how often he denied the plausibility that the young man might in fact have an issue pulling the trigger and wasn't just simply worn out or going though a change of life, it didn't take away the fact that everything Lenny had forecasted might happen in the worst-case scenario did indeed happen.

As the events of that catastrophic day replayed in his tormented mind, realizing that the guilt for Steve's injury was lying right at his feet, Mike's eyes fell on the picture on his desk again.

And the seemingly happy man staring back at him.

With each frantic beat of his heart that made his chest quiver, he could hear his best friend's subtle attempts at explaining the situation over and over again, exposing his innermost vulnerable thoughts, only to receive dismissive shrugs or half-hearted pats on the shoulder in return, reminding him that it was part of the job, not to feel guilty and most of all, just work through the problem just like they all did.

After his pleas for help continued to fall on deaf ears, Steve had eventually succumbed to continuing his job as best as possible, growing farther and farther detached from his friend, until the horrific shooting almost severed their relationship for good.

"I…I just couldn't let him go, Lenny."

There was a long pause on the other end, as the Psychiatrist pondered an answer, undoubtedly affected by what had played out between the two men over the course of their partnership. Eventually, he could hear him switch the receiver to the other ear.

"Lieutenant, this was never your call to begin with. Steve didn't have a choice. So, he did what he felt was the best course of action. I just wish he wouldn't have waited as long as he did."

"Yeah…me too."

Rubbing his thumb and index finger over his burning eyes, Mike drew in a shuddered breath, the pain intensifying in his chest until it became unbearable to breathe.

"So, I guess, from that perspective, it's going to take a lot more than just a few words to mend this situation. I am certain that some of his behavior stems from defiance and survival of an incident that would have killed most people. It's a coping mechanism, really. The other part could be shame, stress, guilt and grief over leaving his job here behind. This wasn't an easy call to make by any stretch of the imagination, it must have cost him many sleepless nights. It's conceivable that any contact with you would bring up all those undesirable feelings again, so he may have thought it was better to cut the cord completely, walk away from the pain and hoping to move on. Sounds pretty normal to me."

With his voice threatening to break, Mike swallowed hard.

"So you are saying I could have been a better friend."

"I am not here to put blame on anybody. This whole situation was a disaster in the making. It created so much pain and suffering on so many levels. But right now isn't the time t worry about blame. Right now we need to focus on figuring out who's after him, before he does get killed. I'll be sure to be there tomorrow afternoon to help you out, Lieutenant. Once this is behind us, I think it's time we all sit down and have the open discussion we should have had years ago."