Chapter 25

It was dark outside now, so I closed the drapes across the windows and made sure the door was locked and placed a chair leant back against it, so it jammed underneath the handle. I wasn't sure if it would keep anyone out, but it did make me feel a little safer.

I spent the rest of the evening sorting out the clothes and looking through the choice of canned food I had before deciding to take a shower. I'd noticed Mandy stock the shelves in the bathroom with soap and shampoo so was grateful to be able to wash my hair properly. The hot water didn't last long before I felt it start to become tepid, it probably didn't last as long as the hot water in my apartment, not like the one in Ranger's apartment.

At that thought I closed off the water and pulled a towel around myself and sank down onto the floor. I couldn't stop the tears from falling or the sobs that wracked through my body. I felt so alone and confused. My whole world had been turned upside down in just over a week.

I'd lost my friends, my job, the Merry Men and Ranger. What had I ever done to have this crash down on me? I'd always tried to be fair with people, okay so maybe not Dickie or Joyce, but with everyone else. I'd done things because I felt I wanted to help so why was this happening to me? I rocked back and forth as I sat on the floor my head held in my hands as I let lose all of the emotions inside of me. I so desperately wanted Ranger to tell me everything was going to be alright. I didn't care if it was just as a friend, I'd take that at the moment even though I knew some of these tears were for a heart that would never be the same again.

I started to shiver as I sat there, and my tears had seemed to run out leaving me with hiccups. I stood up shakily and splashed cold water over my face, daring to look in the mirror at my reflection. I looked like I felt, a total disaster, with my red puffy eyes and hair drying into curls. As I grabbed hold of the sink, I knew I had to pull myself together. Self-pity wasn't going to get me out of this mess, and neither was Ranger, it was up to me and I had to get myself together. This was going to be the only melt down I was going to allow myself to have.

I'd found some shorts and a strappy top to sleep in so dressed quickly before leaving the bathroom. I set the alarm on the clock, which was where Mandy had said it would be, then climbed into the bed. As I lay there in the dark I could hear the sounds of the forest, the rustle of leaves and the calls of the birds that came awake during the night. They were all strange to me and did nothing to settle my nerves though I think eventually fatigue won the battle to sleep. Somewhere that I dreaded going to because now I would have to battle the demons that came to me when I was asleep.

I woke to the sound of a loud piercing sound, making me sit up immediately. As I looked around my eyes rested on a clock on the bedside table. I pushed the button to make it stop and then looked around the room, still a little bit disorientated. Then I remembered what had happened yesterday, as images floated through my mind, ending with my meltdown in the bathroom.

I'd set out some clothes for the morning so quickly dressed for the day. As this was some sort of adventure center just about everything that Mandy had brought was geared toward exercise. I had on a blue sports bra where the exact size didn't matter and black briefs that went underneath black joggers and a bright red T-shirt. I was pleased that the trainers fit so well and that at least they were white so in some ways I looked okay with one black and one white sock.

One of the things that had intrigued me from the black bag was a black and brown neck warmer because I had other ideas for it. Once in the bathroom I separated my hair at the back and formed two plaits. The neck warmer was stretchy, so I used it as a very wide band around my head, tucking my hair inside. I liked the end result because it framed my face and hid my hair other than the crown of my head.

I'd polished off a tin of peaches by the time Mandy arrived and was sat on the front porch waiting for her. I was surprised when she didn't arrive in her truck and had come around from the back somewhere.

"You ready?"
I wasn't but I wasn't sure she'd take that as an excuse. For once Mandy was quiet as we walked down the track and then veered off through the trees on a single file path. We must have walked for about fifteen minutes which to be honest was enough exercise to do me for the day. As we came into a clearing, I couldn't believe the scene in front of me.

"Beautiful isn't it?"

All I could do was nod my head as I looked at the ropes and wooden platforms in front of me.

"Just follow me and do what I do"

I watched as Mandy climbed a wooden ladder onto the first platform and turned to wait for me. That was easy to climb, and I actually began to think I would be up for what this rope thing entailed.

I was so wrong. 30 minutes later I was holding a rope having watched Mandy swing across a gap onto a netting that I had to grab hold of.

"Come on, it's easy. Just grab the rope and swing"
I had no choice really because I couldn't go back so I gripped the rope tightly and closed my eyes as I pushed away from the platform. I think I screamed as I flew through the air and was so relieved when I hit the netting, clinging to it as I looked over to Mandy.

"See, I knew you could do it"
"I didn't"

"You've done really well Laura, I honestly didn't think you'd even get this far"
"I didn't either, but you know what, I've enjoyed myself"

And I had. I'd been scared when I'd first seen all the ropes, thinking I wouldn't have a chance of getting around the course. I thought I'd need to be stronger but that wasn't the case. Okay, my muscles were aching but travelling across the different obstacles had taken balance and a little bit of thought.

"Maybe I could come here on my own and practice?"
Did I just ask that, shit, I didn't mean to say that out loud, did I?

"Sure, anytime you like. Barry aint going to be using this till the end of the season"

Then again it was a fun way to exercise and it would probably do me good and I could do some of those stretches that I'd done with Ranger.

Once back at the cabin Mandy left me to freshen up and change. I wasn't sure what I would do for the rest of the day but knew I couldn't stay inside. Once showered and dressed in jeans I rinsed the clothes I'd been wearing in the bathroom sink and hung them to dry. I remembered seeing similar clothes so knew I had some more for tomorrow.

When I came back into the lounge, I was surprised to find a laptop sat on the table with a piece of paper that I assumed was the password for the Wi-fi. That meant I could start on the work that I wanted to do so meant my time would be filled.

I found another can of soup and heated it on the stove. The bread left from the yesterday was a bit hard, but I broke it into pieces and stirred it into the soup. As I ate my soup, I opened up the laptop and connected to a Wi-fi signal. I so wanted to log into my email and see what messages were there but knew it would be a stupid idea. I knew it could be traced to here and had no desire for anyone to find me. My first search was the newspaper in Toronto because I wanted to find out if Jinski's death had been included in the news items. I started the search the day that he'd been shot and worked forward from there.

It was in an edition two days later that I found a small article, that I was sure was what I was looking for. It told the readers about a young man being shot as he was being taken into custody. The report said that the young man was wanted in connection with the murders of several women over a 5 ½ year period. No names were given which didn't surprise me. Jinski hadn't been charged or found guilty and I was sure the families of the women would want some anonymity.

There was nothing else to be found from Toronto newspapers, so I closed down the laptop to have a break. I was aching from being sat for so long and decided that maybe some fresh air would do me some good. I pulled on a large sweatshirt as it might be cooler outside just walking, then hid the laptop under the mattress of the bed.

I walked up the single track in the direction that Mandy and I had walked this morning and because I knew the way headed toward the ropes. When I reached the clearing, I looked again at the ropes and platforms and the route we'd taken this morning and started to think of other ways to traverse around the course. Before I knew it, my sweatshirt was on the ground and I was climbing up a knotted rope, yeah me, some of the techniques I'd learned at school coming back to me. I felt more confident walking one foot at a time across a narrow ledge and even had a go at trying to cross across a row of hand sized beams. That didn't go too well, and I ended up falling to the ground. Luckily, I didn't have too far to fall. I went back to the beginning, but this time walked from beam to beam trying to go faster than I had this morning. I ended up going once around the track and then returning in the opposite direction.

By the time I finished I was hot and sweaty, but I couldn't explain the feeling that was surging through me. I was proud of myself, sheesh, where the hell had that come from? I picked up my sweatshirt and with a smile on my face walked back the way I'd come and back to the cabin. I ended up showering again and putting on some loose joggers and a T-shirt.

I wasn't sure when Mandy would come by and was starting to worry that maybe canned soup and fruit would become my daily diet. It was almost 7pm when she breezed through the door with an aroma drifting behind her that had my mouth watering.

"Sorry, busy evening. I brought you this hoping you'd like. It's a specialty of the chef we use, lasagna"

"It smells amazing Mandy"

She set two plates on the table while I fetched two glasses of water and watched as she removed the foil and started to serve the lasagna onto the plates. As I started to eat it the taste of cheeses and sauce assaulted my taste buds and made me realize just how hungry I'd been.

"The clients always like this on the first day, they seem to have a big appetite after all of their activity"

"What have you had them do?"
Because I was interested in what went on here.

"We focused on team building this morning, things like bridge building and a course where you have to help one another to get the whole team to the finish"
"Sounds like fun. How old are these people?"
"Late teens. They're kids from the city that a charity work with"
"This afternoon?"
"Canoeing. That was fun. We had them learning how to re right the canoe when it flipped over"

"Not something I'd like to do"
"They had a lot of fun"

I basically cleaned every morsel of lasagna from my plate before leaning back in my chair feeling totally satisfied.

"That was really good"

"Tomorrow I may just have to drop something off because we have a full day. We have a night scavenger hunt organized, so I'd stay here if I were you. God knows where some of these kids will end up, they aint the brightest cookies"

I laughed as I stood and cleared away the dishes, ready to wash them up and leave them on the drying rack.

"How're you doing Laura?"
I almost jumped at how close Mandy was to me when she spoke. I had to think about that because to be honest today had been alright and because I'd filled my day I hadn't really thought about the mess I was in.

"Okay. I kept myself busy. I even went back to the ropes"
"I take it nights are worse?"
"Yes"
"Being out here will help, exercise will help. Hell good food will help"
"I know. Mandy thank you for helping me out"
"No problem. I needed help a few years ago and someone was there for me, so I always make sure to repay that favor to others"
"Is that why you work with the kids?"
"Hey, I enjoy it"

We talked for a few minutes longer and then Mandy was on her way. I didn't want to work on the laptop or go outside so I spent time on the floor doing stretches, similar to what I'd done with Ranger. I even tried the headstand and failed miserably so cheated by balancing up against the wall. I managed to bounce my head a few times on the floor when I pushed up with my arms. It was a start, something to improve on, so I got ready for bed feeling more relaxed.

I may have fallen asleep quickly, but it didn't stop the nightmares from coming. The only part that stayed with me when I woke was the image of Jack Richards as he attacked me because it was as I screamed for him to stop that I woke myself up.

That day was the start to my routine that would take me through the next four days. Circuits on the rope climbing followed by some lunch then work on the laptop and more exercise on the climbing before finding a meal on my kitchen worktop. I usually finished my evening doing the stretches and could now get my head a few inches from the floor before collapsing. Nights didn't improve and it was on the fifth morning as I looked into the mirror that I noticed how pale my skin was and the dark circles under my eyes. I was so tired that I couldn't face doing the rope climbing and opted instead to walk. I felt comfortable on my own during sunlight hours so decided to venture further.

I veered left from the track and found myself heading downhill slightly. The trees weren't as close together, allowing the sunshine to glitter through the leaves above. The ground became stonier and I heard the sound of screams and shouts. I slowed down trying to see where the voices were coming from and discovered that I was next to the bank of what looked like a slow moving river.

The voices were coming from the water, young kids in canoes who were enjoying trying to splash each with their oars. I squatted down, making sure I was out of sight and got lost in just watching them. They seemed to be having a great time, enjoying their time to play. I suppose something like this was so outside of what they were used to. A loud whistle had my attention, though not of all the kids, a couple were still messing around. A loud shout did the trick though, that had me seeing three older men in canoes rowing toward them.

That heralded my time to leave as well, so I carefully turned and made my way back into the trees. I had a moment of panic as I realized that I wasn't on the path that had brought me to the lake, but thinking through where I had walked, I talked myself into knowing where I was going.

I was surprised when I came into a sunny clearing that had tall grass growing and the remnants of wild flowers. It was peaceful here and seemed like an oasis amongst the trees, somewhere that would be nice to just sit and let time pass by. As I came to the center, I was surprised at what I found. I knelt down in front of a smooth stone that looked very much like a gravestone.

My hand reached out and swept away old leaves and twigs that were fallen in front of it so that I could read what the inscription said. Emma Huntley, born 1983 and died 2014. Loving daughter. May she rest in peace.

I couldn't understand why the stone was here, surely the woman couldn't have been buried here? Was this place somewhere she loved to come to with her parents, yeah maybe that was it. As I continued to brush away the debris my hand touched a simple stone vase that had fallen over and been covered up. There were traces of stems inside that I presumed were old flowers meaning that someone came here occasionally.

"I have new ones to put in there"

In my haste to turn around and see where the voice had come from, I toppled to one side and ended up sat on the ground looking up at the figure of a woman. The sun was behind her, making it very difficult to make out any features. I was surprised when she extended her hand out to me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. What are you doing here?"
I took her hand and got to my feet surprised when she held on to it. I felt as though I was intruding because in her other hand was a bunch of flowers that I assumed she'd brought to place into the vase.

"I, err, I was walking. I'm sorry. I'll just leave"

She let go of my hand and just looked at me, making me feel very uncomfortable. It was as I turned with the intention of leaving that she spoke to me again.

"Stay and talk to me. I don't usually have company when I visit my daughter here"

"I'm sorry for your loss"

"A parent shouldn't have to bury their child, it's too cruel"

I didn't reply because to be honest, I had no idea what to say.

"Don't worry she isn't buried here, but this is where they found her"

"Found her?"

"She disappeared, without a trace. The police had no idea where she was. They tried to tell me she might have run off, but we knew that wasn't true. She was a good daughter and always kept in touch with her father and me. It killed her father not knowing where she was"

"Where was she?"

"Here. 3 ½ years after she disappeared, some walkers found her. They had to use dental records and DNA to identify her. That was when Freddy, my husband had his first heart attack. We came here just to feel close to her, to let her know we were here for her"

"Where's your husband now"

"He died. One massive heart attack 6 months ago"

I couldn't say anything as I looked at the woman stood in front of me. Her grey hair neatly fastened back belied the anguish that was embedded in her face. I stepped forward and did the only thing I could think of. I wrapped my arms around her fragile body and hugged her to me. Tears were streaming down both our cheeks, but she pulled away as though she needed to stand up on her own.

"I came to tell her that they caught the man who killed her, she can rest in peace now and not be frightened of him again"

"I'm glad they caught him"

"Well they caught him and then he was shot dead. I think maybe that's a good thing. I couldn't have looked at him, faced him as he went through a trial, knowing he was alive, and my baby was dead"

"Shot dead?"

I repeated as images of Kinski lying in a pool of blood came to me. Could it be that this woman's daughter was one of the victims that I'd been looking for?

"Yes. The nice young policeman came to me yesterday to tell me. It seems he'd killed other women as well"

"I'm glad he's dead then. Tell me about Emma"