The first part happens when Ivan is still in the Gulag. The second part happens after three days since Toris, Eduard, Raivis, Sadik and Gupta left.
* •
Kazakhstan
November 19th
1958
"What was that thing you gave to me to eat?"
"Chocolate."
"What is that?"
"A candy."
"Well... I loved it. I dreamed about it; can you believe it?"
"I do. I used to love it too since it was different from the rations. The woman who gave it to me was supposed to take me to the theatre."
"Why didn't she do it?"
"It was a childish dream. I am glad she didn't take me."
"My childhood dream is to go to Kyrgyzstan. Don't you have more dreams?"
"Know my past, have three names and a family."
"I don't care much for my real name or my past. I can give myself a name and create a future."
"In Kyrgyzstan?"
"Yes."
"Do you know any Kyrgyz?"
"No."
"It is similar to Kazakh."
"I know. Aizhan informed and even taught some Kyrgyz she studied to show me, but I'm a terrible learner. Even if I wanted to learn terribly."
"Жолуң шыдыр болсун!"
"Is that... Kyrgyz?"
"Yes."
"Lovely. What does it mean?"
"Have a good journey."
"I loved it. You are very smart."
"Though, I'm a terrible learner too."
"Do you know anything about your past?"
"A scarf."
"What?"
"A girl gave me a scarf and she seemed to know me. They killed her. After I thought about it when I was older, I wondered if she actually knew me, but I will never know. They killed her."
"I'm sorry, Russia."
"I'm sorry, Kyrgyzstan."
"We both lost our friends."
"You are different. You knew your friend."
"I don't know where she is, though."
"Me neither."
"I hope she is alive somewhere. Even if it means she abandoned me here."
"I don't know if it is a relief. It's kinda lonely."
"Who abandoned you, Ivan?"
"Nobody important, I guess."
"I won't abandon you if you want to be my friend."
"Friend?"
"Yes."
"I would like that."
"Then we are friends until we die and after that, we can meet and become friends again."
•
China
December 17th
1958
He sat on the table in Yao's kitchen with Tiên Huệ to at least eat something before heading to the Gulag. She glared at him before sipping on her coffee and blinking her eyes through the smoke. He started to eat without looking at her and drink the last bottle of Vodka in Yao's basement. He ate fast because he was anxious about that day. He tried to calm his heartbeat by writing in the diary and Ivan was amazed that it worked. He was finishing three whole pages with his thoughts and memories before noticing her stare. She was a distant figure through the years he spent there, even if his dream was to be friends with her. All he knew about her was from Yao's mouth.
"She knows medicine because her father was a doctor. Though she never went to a real college or a school. Amazing, right?"
"Tiên Huệ married when she was fourteen and her first pregnancy was when she was fifteen."
"I met her when I was in Hanoi learning Vietnamese and her father tried to buy my hair. He didn't have any."
"What?" Ivan asked emotionless using terrible Vietnamese. He wasn't very good at that language when he was writing or reading, but he was reasonable at speaking and hearing. "Do you want to abandon me in Mongolia so Hai Guo finds me begging for food in Ulaanbaatar?"
She narrowed her glare. Ivan always thought she was beautiful with her dark long hair and intense eyelids but the same way a sword is beautiful in a picture and heavy in person.
"I was just protecting Yao and the others." Tiên Huệ clarified pending her head to one side. "You were dangerous to have around them."
"I was a child, гематит. I wasn't dangerous."
She sighed.
"Perhaps, not you, but the men you loved were. And I have always known you were going to choose them over Yao, Mei, Xiao and Guo in a blink of your Amethyst eyes." Tiên Huệ specified in an intense voice. She was wearing that weird round hat even inside the house. "I was wrong and it was unfair. You pleaded to stay here at the end. I should let you know something about Yao to compensate for my actions."
Ivan didn't want to enter that subject so he stayed quiet and wrote a little more in the yellowed pages. He was writing about his stay in China with all his thoughts and his hideout. He was ignoring her, but he didn't feel the urge to leave the table.
"You don't want to hear it."
"No, I don't." He replied instantly. "I don't need anything else from this house besides its carcass as a hideout. And I think it should have always been like this."
The woman sighed and placed her teacup in the table.
"Stop hiding or getting violent because you can't understand your mind and don't approve of your surroundings. You have been poisoned since you were born, but I think someone will save you." She announced in a serious tone. "Yao wanted to keep you, Ivan."
"I don't need to know that."
"Yes, you do. Understand that he loved you very much." She said and the Russian flinched. "He told me by letter all about living with you and he said he was beginning to love you deeply. He said he liked the way you suck your finger with your mouth when you sleep and how you inhabit with your scarf like a mantra. He told me he loved you more when you cried for a dead rat in the kitchen because he saw something truly bright in you. Do you remember when he stayed all night with you because you had a cold? He was seeing you as a little brother."
"I was money for him, Tiên Huệ. Like his father. If he wanted a brother that badly why didn't he find Kiku, or Yong Soo or Yong Bae? I am not a replacement because he feels scared or guilty to face his real brothers.
"He wanted to keep you so badly, he tried to make your base give you up; then he tried to make a deal with your base to conserve you with him." She continued as if she was feeling pleasure in displaying the truth. "When none of those worked Yao said he wasn't returning you no matter what and the soldiers threatened to kill innocent people. He had to let you go, even if it would break his heart and yours."
"останов."
"You were too precious for him." She continued without emotion and sipped on her coffee. "When Mei died and Guo disappeared, he said to me he wanted to bring you back. He had lost much. When he threatened to help the Americans with information and names of spies he trained, the Russians proposed deals and other threats. He said he would stop if they allowed him to see you and talk with you. He died for it."
"You are lying."
They have never told me that.
"I'm not lying. That toy in your room was bought by Yao a week after you were taken because he realized he never gave you anything. He never got over the fact he lost you." Tiên Huệ continued fastly and she kept a steady face all the time whilst Ivan was shaking. "There are two lanterns on the balcony now, but it used to have three when Yao was alive. Xiao lit up his last lantern before he flew to Iceland. Guo is still lost, so his lantern remains. The second one is for you."
"пожалуйста, остановись."
"Yao loved you, Ivan. The only reason he delivered you to the Russians was that they threatened to kill the people from the village and blame on people who want capitalism back and basically they would restart a civil war. It would be easy for them." She affirmed using cold water in her words. "You can't run from the truth. He disappointed you, but his love is still true. Leave this painful way you are living if you ever cared for him too."
Ivan raised from the table. He was so furious and everything was so blurred he couldn't focus. The Russian only felt his surroundings when he saw his hand in a fist, Tiên Huệ's mouth dripping red and his intense breath matching the tremble in his hands. His hands always shake so much he never knows when he is shaking for a reason.
He hated himself for beating her. Tiên Huệ's love has always been a dream to him, since he watched her taking care of Mei Chan, playing with Li Xiao and talking to Hai Guo. She was a part of Yao's life because both lost so much. Three brothers and four children. They tried to replace that, but they failed. Moreover, although she was poison to him, Ivan had always wished for her love. He shouldn't punch her.
"Sorry."
"Don't you dare say sorry to me. I don't need your sorry feelings, because I don't wish for pity at all." She replied bitterly and turned to face him. "You would be a fool to assume the fires of hell have made me weak. I saw my family dying and the man who married me asking for my help and receiving the same amount of violence he did to me and our children. I watched as my country burned and my blood dripped slightly while everyone else was draped in crimson and orange. Do you think sorry is going to amend what Russia did to my land? Is sorry going to alleviate what America did to my children? It's just a word. Your feeling means nothing. I don't need you to apologize for a punch; I used to receive one every day. Next time you want to hurt me, try harder and be more creative. Don't apologize for it."
Ivan didn't know how to respond. He just stared at her feeling the same amount of fear as everyone should have been from him. Tiên Huệ was fierce and more powerful than power itself. She saw horrible things, but her hematite eyes carry serenity. She reclaimed everything she lost and turned into wisdom.
The Russian smiled and closed his eyes.
"There won't be the next time."
He grabbed his things to go for his destiny. He stopped when Tiên Huệ cleaned her throat.
"According to Basch, Maxim asked about you repetitively after he woke up." She affirmed in a mother's voice. "He calls you 'white angel' and even says he wants to ask you if you took his brother or if he is still here with him. He is wondering about several things. I'm happy he maintained part of his childhood. I wish time had done the same to you. I remember taking you to Mongolia and you were asking if clouds were sweet. I said they were bitter and you asked what bitter is."
Ivan stopped and clenched his fists.
"Basch and I are going to leave this place tomorrow and we are going to take Maxim with us. I am going to invite you once and I'm never thinking about that again. For Yao..." She mumbled and hesitated as if his name was too powerful for her. "Do you want to come with us, Ivan?"
He hesitated.
"What?"
"Children learn that their hearts are in the shape of a fist. It's not your fault you learned to use it like one too, Ivan. You are only guilty if you don't stop doing this to yourself and to others. We can take care of each other from now on, Amethyst. I know you had a terrible prologue, but you deserve a soft epilogue. You are a good person and you have suffered enough. Come with us."
He thought about it. He really considered that. For a moment he wanted to say yes, lay on Tiên Huệ's lap and just cry. He wanted to be cherished the same way a child is, help as many people as he wants to and find something meaningful for the rest of his shallow existence. Nevertheless, something screamed in his mind. He saw the red men waiting for him in Russia and his people asking for his assistance to make the motherland a better nation. If he went with her and stopped doing the things he had to, he would betray them and leave another person to do his duty. If he has to suffer so none of his people is suffering, Ivan is more than happy to do it. So why was he shedding a tear in front of Tiên Huệ like he was doing at that moment? Why hearing about Yao's love for him was making his stomach twist with happiness?
He cleaned the tear.
"I used to not love them because I didn't understand. I love my people now. And they love me." He asserted and placed a hand on his neck. "I don't want your pity. I don't want anything from any of you ever again."
The air was thicker when she narrowed her eyes.
"Fine. But you should have this." She said and delivered a letter to him. Ivan looked at the Chinese handwriting and saw it belonged to Yao. "It is the letter Wang Yao sent to me a few months after he met you. It was the first time he told me about you and I maintained this letter with the others he sent me and I don't know why. Perhaps, I wanted a glimpse of you to feel guilty for leaving you alone in a different country sixteen years ago, Amethyst."
Ivan gathered a force to deny the paper, nevertheless, he was feeling his muscles hesitating. He wanted to grab it and read it like he was devoted and that letter was sustainable. He shouldn't wish for that.
"I don't want anything from Yao either."
Her eyes matching hematites glowed when she sighed.
"At least think about my proposal and take this."
He flinched when Tiên Huệ placed the letter on his hands and he almost lost it when she held his neck and kissed his forehead. It was a kind gesture that made him melt and bite his cheek. He felt something too deep he couldn't explain so he was tremendously frightened in an overwhelming manner.
Ivan couldn't face her after that so he left in a hurry. He kept the letter, though.
•
Kazakhstan
December 17th
1958
"Can you lend me a carpet?" Ivan consulted and Gupta stared at him with scepticism. His eyes were as dark as his skin and they seemed somewhat wise and honest. They had traces of green in them. "It's not for me. Soviets don't do religion. It's for a Muslim friend who almost doesn't have a thing to follow her religion, but tries her hardest to."
Gupta continued to stare serenely before he grabbed something from his backpack.
"A carpet means nothing." He asserted in a messed English. "It's merely tissue for the symbolism. If you want to pray, you should always reach for Allah. No matter the Qibla or the place. What your friend need are his words. Does she have the Quran?"
The Soviet blinked. He doesn't even know what the Quran was.
"I don't think so."
"What language does she speak?"
"Only Russian."
Gupta was shorter than Ivan, but he seemed more skilful in a fight judging by his movements. He delivered something on his hands serenely. It was an old book covered in dust and it could fit Ivan's pocket easily. The Russian opened and he was surprised to see Cyrillic. There were some words in Turkish on the second page.
He preferred to vanish than to come back to that area, nevertheless, Ivan was walking in the snow and watching the people working mercilessly once again after a month spent there. It was like pressing a wound until it bleeds again and he had to gather an abnormal amount of courage to continue. The people didn't seem to care for his existence, so Ivan could blend in just fine with his prisoner's clothes. He searched through the crowd for a single grey hijab.
Ivan watched as Taalay was placing the materials next to an old woman to help her work. She was the squad leader of the tailoring industry, so people were always relying on her. Ivan approached the Kyrgyz in a furtive manner. When her amber eyes were placed on him they were glowing and her expression was confused. She stepped away from the woman and helped four people labouring and a teenager eating an old piece of bread like it was something magical. She was staring at Ivan the whole time. Taalay was approaching him carefully. A guard was walking there, thus Ivan grabbed a cloth and he walked through the guard. His heart was racing when the man glanced at him. His hands were shaking when he started to walk. He felt relieved when he just went to shout with the teenager eating bread.
He approached Taalay. She was shocked while she was working on clothing. He watched as she coughed as if her chest was hurting. She was sick and he knew even if he only spent a month with her.
"What are you doing here? Did something happen?" She whispered paying attention to the job she was doing. "How did you enter?"
"We need to talk." He affirmed firmly and clenched the book in his pocket like it was gospel. "Somewhere we can be alone."
She agreed.
"Wait until the guard is checking for the second turn."
They worked a little. Ivan worked on the railroads on the month he spent there. He wasn't good with tailoring things – he preferred knitting – so he served as a supporter of Taalay's work. When the guard was outside, she led him to a place behind the industry using the excuse to grab other tools to work with. The guards trusted her since she was living there all her life and never caused any trouble.
Walls grey as the dirty snow were proudly above their heads against the cold weather and they were as depressing as they were strong. The snow was covering the ground and the temperature was dropping to the point every part of him was hurting. He remembered when Taalay brought him there so she could pray. He sat next to her and watched. It was beautiful; somewhat artistic.
"Why are you here?" She asked in a low voice before she succumbed to a strong cough. There was some blood in her hand when she stopped. Taalay cleaned up when she noticed Ivan's glare. "What is it, Ivan? Is there something wrong with Eduard and Raivis? I heard you saved Maxim. I'm happy for him."
"Everybody is alive and fine." He half lied. "I have something for you."
He handed the book to her. When Taalay saw the object she beamed the same smile as if Ivan was giving life to her. She held the book carefully.
"Is that...?" The Kyrgyz commenced, however, she wasn't able to finish the context. "The only one I have seen was in Arabic and it belonged to Mariam."
"It is in Cyrillic." He answered without emotion. "Russian, to be more specific."
She let out a gasp and bent her body as if it was an extreme dose of happiness to endure. Taalay's eyes were obviously getting wet and becoming more ambiguous in her dark appearance.
"Jazaka Allahu Khairan! I can't believe you gave me a Quran in Russian. I just can't wait to learn how to read. I thought I would have to study Kyrgyz for years before I am able to read Allah's word. Thank you so much!" Taalay clamoured loudly and her amber eyes were shedding tears. Ivan was shocked when she embraced his neck and jumped against him. He was similarly astonished to reciprocate the hug, however, he felt something similar to purple in his chest. She released him and hugged the book the same way. "This is perfect! Thank you so much. How can I ever repay you?"
He swallowed his saliva. He was happy for the first time in a long time and he could feel that what he was doing was right.
"There is another thing." He affirmed and waited as the Kyrgyz was hearing him clearly. Her excitement was fading slowly, nonetheless, she was still beaming at him. "You don't need to hide it from the guards."
"What do you mean?" She asked with a chuckle. The look she was giving him was delighted. "They won't allow any religion in here, Russia. I pretend the hijab is merely to avoid the cold or the sun."
The look in her eyes was hard to focus on because it was too pure. Ivan perceived something warming in his chest, moreover, she looked at him as if he was bringing the sun. Ivan thought about the small sentence in Turkish on the second page that Sadik or Gupta wrote. He translated using Yao's dictionaries because he was curious.
I'm a very bad person trying very hard to be a good person. It's difficult and sometimes not worth it. Every time I am not able to be good, I think about you saying that proverb. Sun all the time makes a desert, isn't?
Ivan was the sun for too long.
"They know about you."
Taalay's eyes stopped glowing; she still grinned at her friend. The same person she shared a bed and talked every day for a whole month.
"What?"
The Russian smiled like a child.
"I told my superiors about your work here when they gently visited me a few days ago. Especially your number. 19123, right? They know about the people you are letting out." He affirmed before his hand messed his hair. "You were lucky I didn't tell about Edelweiss, but it was only because you are part of the Soviet Union. I still believe you can change your disgusting ways about this religion and organization and tell it on your own."
The girl stepped back. The book almost fell from her hands when she started to avoid looking at the Russian. Ivan couldn't tell what she was most afraid of; if her greatest uncertainty was leaving the place she always knew or stop doing the thing she dedicated her life or if she was scared of Ivan. He watched as her eyes were crumbling from the pureness she was able to hold in a place like that being destroyed in slow motion. An important aspect of her was believing that everyone is worth saving or, at least, people don't betray each other for no reason. Ivan understood that humans are traitors by nature and, if he and Taalay were similar, he wanted to teach her that.
"You are kidding, right?" She asked in a low voice. "You are not serious."
Ivan smiled like a child and closed his eyes.
"You can still be saved, yes?" He exclaimed happily. "Just a little squeeze and you will be fine."
"No." The Kyrgyz whispered as if she was waking up from a bad dream. "This can't be true."
Taalay fell on the snow and the book stayed on the dirt. Her knees were shaking as if she was perceiving the weather for the first time. Her eyes were wide on the ground as she pinched her nails on her head.
Ivan just watched it. He thought about the last day they were together. Taalay smiled at him when they were alone and removed her hijab. He remembered her saying only her family can see her face without the hijab according to Islam. He understood what she was saying. That girl was literally the only person in the world that didn't deserve anything bad that happened to her. She was too pure for the horrible world she was born in.
"People need me here. I dedicated my life to do this every day. And everything is shattered..." Taalay said and then looked at the Russian. The look in her eyes was terrified and her expression told Ivan she didn't know what to do next. She was completely lost. "Because of you. We saved your life! You spent a month of your life here with me and even gave me chocolate. We conversated. You told me about the world. You told me about Alfred and Gilbert and Francis. You wanted to know about every child in here and even played with them when they were scared of the storm that day. I watched you trusting me and smiling when you were exhausted. You were tortured, worked alongside us and starved with me. You saved Maxim when you were running from shots. You saved Eduard and Raivis without wanting something in return. I thought you were good! I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. You told me your name, Ivan. I can't understand it. I just don't believe it. You made me remember Mariam at some moments."
Ivan clenched his fists.
"I'm good. I am your friend." He clarified pending his head to one side. He showed the bruises in his arm and he had plenty on his face. "You are going to receive a little punishment, that's all. I received and it was good for my convalescence from betrayal."
The Kyrgyz stared at him horrified. Her eyes went to his bruises and he could sense shivers down his spine. There was no pity in her eyes as the day they met on the cell.
"I have been tortured before and it was the worst thing that happened to anyone here. To you. You actually believe as gospel that the soldiers have marked all your body for education?" She asked with disgust and a loud voice. "Are you insane? This is abuse! Nothing but power with violence. You stayed a month here working until you fainted. You were tortured. Yet you still think this is the best way to help people and your nation?"
"Yes." He answered with a smile. "This is salvation. We are helping our motherland."
"And you condemned me for my religion? Look at yours!" The Kyrgyz exclaimed and showed the white marks on her face and the rag she sewed from the tailoring industry. "I accepted this because it was the only revolution I could accomplish. I did it because I wanted to fight in a magical way as the love Allah has for me as Mariam taught me. Are you doing this because you want to or because you can't accomplish a revolution?"
He hesitated and she noticed clearly. In a moment, the Kyrgyz grabbed the book and raised it from the ground.
"Why did you give me this?" Taalay interrogated with a loud voice, but it was cracked. She was falling apart with everything being demolished in front of her amber eyes. "Why did you save Maxim? Why did you save Eduard and Raivis? Why did you care for children here? Why did you give Nora's chocolate to me? Why did you talk in Kyrgyz with me? Why did you tell me about your dreams?"
Ivan smiled more.
"This doesn't make sense! People don't do that; out of nothing, they change into monsters! I'm not naive enough to be fooled like that, am I? I know you weren't like that from the moment I saw the things you do." Taalay affirmed and a single tear fell from her eyes. It wasn't from happiness anymore. "Why did you do this with me, Russia? Who you really are? How could I be so foolish to want to know you better? How could I be so naive to be your friend?"
She fell on the ground again and started wailing. Ivan just stood there watching and focused on his belief.
"See how you are not ready for the world, Taalay?"
This was the greatest betrayal he could ever pronounce to her. Her greatest dream and greatest fear were leaving that place and he ruined everything by pronouncing a simple sentence. This was just too much. Even for someone who was destroyed every second of every day since she was born. Taalay raised from the ground slowly with obvious wrath appearing through her sobering. She was clenching her fists and shaking.
"What do you know? Do you know how low I had to submit myself in order to save another life? Always screaming to myself 'Another Life.' while I was being tortured for fun? Do you know how many times the life I was thinking about was mine to scream for? Do you know who I was before Mariam? I didn't know how to move when someone doesn't scream orders to me. I overcame this and thought I knew people after being nothing to any of them." She shouted with her voice cracking painfully. "You are nothing but a sociopath! You are the worst! I hate you! I will never forgive you! I hope you die being betrayed the same way you betrayed me."
She clasped to the Quran on the snow and Ivan felt his hands shaking in his pockets. She clenched the book and ripped the pages one by one. The Russian watched with an emotionless expression when he didn't see the page with the Turkish message. His muscles were steady when he watched Taalay's whimpers becoming something stronger than just sadness. She was breaking down and she didn't know what to do next.
A gun was loaded.
He turned around when he saw Aizhan coming to the place where they were standing. She saw the scene with Taalay crying out, the ripped pages, Ivan standing there untouched and the grey walls. The Kazakh showed a single glimpse of confusion and anxiety before she regained her strong glare. The guard aimed at the Russian.
"What is happening here?" She asked in a low, yet firm voice. "What is this mess, 19123? And what is your number, prisoner?"
"It's over, Aizhan! It's over. He told about my work here to Soviets." Taalay murmured with her eyes closed. The Kazakh widened her eyes to Ivan. The Russian watched as the Kyrgyz was holding the Quran with trembling hands and her mouth was shaking as much as her limbs. She hugged the destroyed book with obvious remorse for her wrath. "I'm sorry, Father..."
She cried out more.
Everything had the soundtrack of Taalay's sobs. Ivan allowed when Aizhan grabbed his hands and made him lay on the cold ground. He allowed the gun being unlocked at his nape. It was a cold day when she was obviously going to kill Ivan without bluffing in the snow. He was hearing his heartbeat increasing and his breath profiting shaky mechanically.
"I can finally kill you."
"This was my goal." He answered sincerely and closed his eyes. "They were gentle to allow me to live, but I deserve to die after my treason. I didn't fail them, but I disappointed them. This way I can redeem myself."
Aizhan slammed him with her gun and he held back a scream. The pain was so strong he stopped hearing Taalay's whimpers and the industry's sounds for a moment while the pain was spreading like poison through his slightly damaged nerves. He sensed his body begging for survival. He wanted to fight back and for one moment Ivan forgot his duty and wish. He just wanted to see himself free from that dangerous situation. Ivan started to protest against the immobilization when he thought about never having three names on a gravestone. He was going to die without a family or even a name other than Russia. In a reflect, he started to do whatever he could to release himself from that destiny. In other, he didn't deserve the rest of his life.
The Kazakh stop staring at her prisoner fighting and looked at the fragile girl crying on the ground.
"Taalay, күн, please go to the train." The Kazakh implored slowly and Ivan was shocked at how soft someone so intimidating can be. "I will take us out of here. You can finally go to Kyrgyzstan and then we can help Edelweiss even more out of here. Go to the train, күн. I'm coming too."
Taalay raised from the ground slowly, turned and started to walk away from the scene. Perhaps, that was the saddest thing the Russian was forced to contemplate. She walked like the fragile appearance she had was finally being noticed by her mind. Every step appeared to be hurting and Ivan perceived he was counting her steps and they were awfully slow. Taalay's body was trembling for the first time since Ivan met her. It was like she was numb with the warmth in her actions and Ivan brought back the winter to her chest.
Aizhan waited until she was distant to shoot. The bullet hit the ground next to Ivan's head.
"When you told me about this plan I didn't expect you to break her like that. It was too cruel. You almost came across to like it, don't you?"
Aizhan released him and walked away.
Ivan proposed that plan to Aizhan when he was being tortured by staying awake for days. The Kazakh wanted to have a big excuse to take Taalay out of the Karlag since she wouldn't leave for anything, nonetheless, the girl was afraid the Kyrgyz would die there. She was obviously sick. He planned this while his mind was screaming for a break from the labour.
"She will hate you."
"She will hate me alive far from here."
"Why do you care about Taalay?"
He didn't respond. Ivan thought about the nights she spent telling him where he was and she wasn't whoever he was seeing in her. He thought about the day they played a game with a cat that appeared on the Gulag by making the animal chase a piece of clothing. He thought about Taalay's prays when he kneeled next to her. He thought about her amazing kinky hair saying he was family.
•
China
December 17th
1958
February 1st, 1942
Dear, Tiê Huệ,
How are things at your home? I'm still dealing with the horrible things that happened because of the Japanese Empire trying to invade China. I know you are probably going to hit me, but I always wonder if my brother is working together with those monsters. I have nightmares about that some nights and I need to stop and think straight. My brother is probably five years old now. He wouldn't enter the army, right? I think I'm getting more bitter as time pass.
Things at home haven't been easy. You know Hai Guo has been complaining as always about the work with. He misses Macau since I took him to my house seven years ago. He stopped complaining about work for a while, though. I think something in that city has kept his attention. Perhaps, someone there speaks Portuguese. As for Li Xiao, we have been fighting for stupid things. I hope it doesn't become a habit, but that brat is awfully stubborn. I can't believe it's the same infant I carried in my back for kilometres. Mei Chan is kind and optimistic as always. She turned fourteen last week, but I don't want to send her to work with Hai Guo in the fabric. After all, her pain is getting worse. If you can't come to the Village to check on her, I think I'm going to take her to Beijing to see what is wrong with my girl. But I prefer you. You must be busy with Edelweiss.
Well, I got some news. Do you remember how I refused to train the new agent for KGB? The soldiers sent me someone anyway. I was even planning on teaching him in a hotel on the weekends since that is the day when Hai Guo is at home; I can't let Mei Chan and Li Xiao alone. Nonetheless, I changed my mind when I looked at the spy. He is a child, Tiê Huệ. He is small, chubby, adorable, and kind. He was shocked to see grass, he was almost fainting in hundred of layers of clothes and he sneezes like a baby panda. He has bright eyes I can't define the colour. I don't know if it's purple or blue. He has blonde hair so pale it looks white. His nose is considerable, but it looks perfect on him and this is a good trait in China as you may not know. He is a little sick on the stomach because he can't eat too much and I wonder if they even gave him enough food a single day in his life. He is thick out of nothing because he eats a little and he is already feeling nauseous. He is seven years old, he was born on December 30th and his name is Ivan. He loves to say his name with every word and he hides from me all the time because he is still scared of us. I turned my bunker into something he could hide and I could feed him and know where he was. Thankfully, he accepted.
I know you would probably glare at me, but I want to know him because I felt deep care for him instantaneously and I think I am beginning to consider him something meaningful. It's been four months. I'm terrible! I just can't look at a child and don't think about Kiku, Yong Bae or Yong Soo. You know the history. But I think you will care for Ivan.
Hope we can see each other soon, friend.
Aru.
Ivan clenched the paper before he tried to rip the letter. He wasn't able to do it. He was hiding his feelings to himself when he held the edges of the paper. He gazed at the peak from inside his car. Perhaps, Tiên Huệ was attending Maxim and Basch was helping her as a nurse. He would enter and they would talk to him as if he was coming from work. The same way Hai Guo used to receive hugs and kisses after a week working in Urumqi, he would receive words. But something was holding Ivan in his car. He placed the letter in his diary, wrote what he was dealing in his mind and sensed like he was letting out his emotions in written words.
After that, he drove away from that place. He drove as fast as he could towards Beijing to come back to America. He was so fast that the rotation of the Earth seemed to compete with him to see who had more speed. For a moment, he forgot the tears shedding, the diary, the scarf, America, Russia, China, Aizhan, Taalay, Toris, war, famine, guilt, and loneliness. He didn't have a name at that speed, or a duty. Fakeness or truth. He was just free of labels and roots, even if he didn't have any to be gladly trapped.
* •
Very long chapter. Sorry. To compensate I am going to make the * thing on this sidenote.
I forgot to explain some names so...
Dinh Tiên Huệ: "Dinh" comes from Nguyen Thi Dinh. This lady was the first female general of the Vietnam People's Army! Born in March 1920 in Luong Hoa Commune, she was the youngest of 10 brothers(!), and so living in a large family made it a little difficult to attend the school like everyone else around her. Nonetheless, despite not learning much academically, Nguyen Thi Dinh was a very intelligent, sensitive and savvy woman who enjoyed reading. At the age of 16 years old, she participated in the revolution and two years later, was in the ranks of the Communist Party. Thanks to her strong will, young age and fierce patriotism, she was then elected as captain for the first voyage to the North to report to the Party and Uncle Ho about the battlefield situation of the south and request their support. Thus in 1974, she was appointed the rank of Major General. Huệ comes from Sino-Vietnamese 慧(huệ) meaning "bright, intelligent".
*Tiên comes from Sino-Vietnamese 仙(tiên) meaning "immortal, transcendent, celestial being, fairy". I think you might find that her friendship with Basch was fitting since she is a fairy as the stories.
*Taalay means "lucky, happy" in Kyrgyz. She chose that name because she wanted to have something optimistic about herself.
*Aizhan Utemisov = Aizhan means "moon soul" derived from Kazakh ай (ay) meaning "moon" combined with жан (zhan) "soul". Needless to say, I wanted to give more story for her and Taalay but as a background story, Aizhan was born in a full moon night and her mother decided to name her that way.
Utemisov comes from Makhambet Utemisov, a Kazakh poet who was killed for expressing his arts in 1846. He is known as a great Kazakh poet, Batyr, who played an important role in the development of Kazakh literature of the nineteenth century. About 40 of Makhambet Utemisov's songs and poems have been preserved. The basic theme of his works is the struggle of the people against their oppressors. His aphoristic, emotional, and accusatory verses awakened protest and hatred for despotism. His best-known poems are The Call to March, The Battle of Isatai, The Great Dream, A Matter of Honor, and A Curse for Dzhangir. Makhambet Otemisuly as a rebel poet was raised to life-giving traditions of heroic poems. He truly loved his people and enthusiastically sang the dreams of the people's freedom. His realistic poems imbued with the spirit of the time, prompted by the class struggle of the common people. His freedom-loving verses were transmitted, transferred, and will be transmitted to descendants, inspiring and spiritualizing their lives. Sorry. I couldn't find poems from him.
*гематит = hematite. It's a volcanic rock that is grey and shines a little when put in the sun. He called her that because her eyes matched the colour of the stone.
She was wearing that weird round hat even inside the house.
In Vietnam, the name is nón lá (leaf hat). Among conical hats, the nón lá of the Vietnamese people forms a perfect right circular cone which tapers smoothly from the base to the apex. Special conical hats in Vietnam contain colourful hand-stitch depictions or words while the Huế varieties are famous for their nón bài thơ (poem conical hats). These contain random poetic verses and Hán tự which can be revealed when the hat is directed above one's head in the sunlight. Today, it has become part of Vietnam's national costume.
останов = "Stop".
пожалуйста, остановись = "Please, stop."
The only reason he delivered you to the Russians was that they threatened to kill the people from the village and blame on people who want capitalism back and basically they would restart a civil war.
*There was a civil war in China from 1946 to 1949 to decide if they would remain capitalist or communist. After the Japanese surrender in August 1945, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and the Nationalists agreed to peace talks and an abortive ceasefire. But by the start of 1946, the two were again fighting for control of China. The Chinese Civil War culminated in the CCP's capture of Beijing, where its leader Mao Zedong declared the formation of the People's Republic of China (PRC). Making a move like killing people from the Communist area would ignite another rivalry between the two parties and this might end up being terrible for China, but good for the Soviets. Never forget that civil wars have always been a magnificent way to influence a country since you can see from American, European and Russian history.
Qibla = the direction Muslims search for when they are praying. They need to turn their carpet to Mecca, the holiest city in their religion. "Qibla" literally means "direction" in Arabic. So One Direction in Arabic is Wahid Qibla. Sorry, lol.
Jazaka Allahu Khairan = May Allah reward you with goodness.
Ivan thought about the small sentence in Turkish on the second page that Sadik or Gupta wrote.
*Sadik wrote something on every first page of every Quran he found. In some, he wrote things like "If you are going through hell, keep going" and in others, he wrote, "I saw a fly eating a spider". Other he wrote "I am the best" and in other he wrote, "I am the worst". There is no in-between with this character.
*күн = Sun. Aizhan calls Taalay with this nickname as Mariam did.
I'm terrible! I just can't look at a child and don't think about Kiku, Yong Bae or Yong Soo. You know the history.
*The story for Yao is inconclusive. His grandfather is actually his real father and the man he thinks it's his father, Arata, is simply his brother. They did this to hide the fact Yao's mother was a married woman and her husband was at the military service. She had the baby and delivered to Yao's father because she would be killed if her husband discovered she had a baby when he was away for a year. Arata (Yao always thought he was his father) had a child with a Japanese woman – Kiku – and she was the love of his life. But he was the way he was and he had twins – Yong Bae and Yong Soo, or North Korea and South Korea – with a Korean woman he never spoke to anyone besides Yao. He was a little like his father.
Everything changed when Arata lost most of his fortune and he went to Japan to find a job so he basically abandoned Yao when he was fifteen and Kiku went with him. Yao never met Yong Soo or Yong Bae, but he misses them the same as he misses his baby brother. Yao's fake father sent him money most of his life and he lived in the house with his "grandfather" until he died of old age. Then he started to manage the money. Yao decided to travel around his country learning dialects and by the time he finished learning most of the dialects in his land, he went travelling around countries he wished to learn its language. He spent money, but there was always more which was weird because his father was supposed to have less than before. When he went to Japan, he tried to talk to Kiku, but he didn't remember him and didn't even know he had a brother (or uncle, actually). Yao discovered Arata didn't lose his money, he went richer. His brother told the truth. Yao was rather accustomed to getting angry at Arata and he continued to accept the money even when he was older. He could find everything he wanted in himself, except for money. Guilty money is still money. But this only happened when Yao went to Japan around 1945 to visit Arata and meet Kiku again. So during Ivan's stay in the house (1942-1949), he still thought Kiku was his brother and Arata was his father.
I'm still dealing with the horrible things that happened because of the Japanese Empire trying to invade China. I know you are probably going to hit me, but I always wonder if my brother is working together with those monsters.
I'm referring to the several war crimes Japan committed from 1930 to 1940. The list is so huge I can't explain everything, but here are some documentaries you can watch:
The Apology by Tiffany Hsiung.
Within Every Woman by Tiffany Hsiung.
Those two by the same amazing director are focused on the victims of rape by soldiers. The girls between nine and twenty-years-old used to be kidnapped from their houses to become forced prostitutes called "comfort woman" as a euphemism.
The Emperor's Naked Army Marches On by Kazuo Hara.
I wasn't sure about this movie at first, but then I watched and it's actually good for information.
Horror in the East: Japan and the Atrocities of World War II by BBC.
This one is actually my favourite because I love BBC's work and they are very informative about everything. If you want to know the surface of the crimes this two-part documentary is perfect.
Japanese Devils by Minoru Matsui.
This one focus on the soldiers that committed rape, massacres, bio-experiments and cannibalism. I don't know if it's very accurate since nobody knows what truly used to happen and people contest the accuracy since the release in 2001. It's good to understand the bigger picture, though.
Japanese War Crimes: Murder Under The Sun by History Channel.
This film goes into great detail about how Allied soldiers were treated during these war crimes.
Siam Burma Death Railway by Kurinji Vendan.
Singaporean documentary about the Asian forced-labourers who worked on the construction of a railway.
Torn Memories of Nanjing by Tamaki Matsuoka.
A documentary by an activist about the horrible massacre committed in the Chinese capital of the time, Nanjing.