For the first time since he started Hogwarts, Sirius looked forward to the summer months. He was heading home with James, and Remus had promised to join them mid-July, although Sirius would miss him terribly until then. For now, they sat by the lake, Remus playing with Sirius' hair and James trying to convince Peter to join them over the summer, as well.

"Maybe," Peter said. "It's my birthday in August and my mum will probably want me home –"

"So come after," James said.

"Not too late, though," Remus said. "I'll be gone by August 10."

Sirius sat up. "Come again?"

"Oh, it's just, that's the full moon," Remus said, shrugging. "And I don't want James' parents –"

"Fuck that, you're staying with us," James said. "There's tons of woods by me, or else we can magically enforce a room or something. I think the woods will be fine, though."

"Maybe," Remus said.

They journeyed back to London together with Dorcas, Lily, and Marlene – Lily even laughed at one of James' jokes – and promised to write to each other on the platform. Euphemia and Fleamont Potter greeted James and Sirius as soon as the girls left to meet their families.

"Did you have a good term?" Euphemia asked, giving each of them a hug. Over her shoulder, Walburga Black eyed the group with contracted eyebrows and a frown. Sirius nearly gave her the finger. He only stopped himself because Euphemia would notice. He was so focused on Walburga he hardly noticed when Fleamont put an arm around him and welcomed his sons home.

Sirius hadn't even started unpacking when James came into his room that evening. "Sooner you do it, sooner we can play Quidditch in the back."

"Maybe tomorrow," Sirius said. He was laying on his bed and throwing a ball up and down with one hand.

James sat on the edge of the bed. "Was it seeing your mum?"

Sirius sighed. "I dunno why I let her get to me. It's not like I care."

"Clearly, you do though."

Sirius shrugged and sat up. "You're here to help me unpack, right?"

James rolled his eyes and opened Sirius' trunk. "Isn't this Moony's?" James asked, holding up a dark green sweater.

Sirius' eyes lit up and he grabbed the sweater, holding it to his chest. "Well, it's mine until he gets here," Sirius said. "And I didn't even take this one on purpose. There are like three more at the bottom of the trunk."

James grinned and took out another jacket, this one leather and clearly Sirius' own. After, they joined Euphemia and Fleamont downstairs, where James' parents were speaking in hushed voices, a copy of The Daily Prophet in between them. "Everything alright?" James asked, taking a seat.

"Oh, it's another Muggle attack," Euphemia said, tears forming in her eyes. "Five dead."

Sirius blanched and James grabbed the newspaper. Five Muggles gazed up at him from beyond the grave.

XXX

Remus did finally get there in July (the wall between James and Sirius' rooms, unfortunately, didn't block much sound until James cast a charm between them), and Peter came early August. James eventually dragged them to a Muggle pool, where Sirius fawned over nearly everything.

"How the hell do you know about this place?" he asked as they walked around the pool.

James shrugged. "My parents took me here sometimes, when I was little. I made a few Muggle friends here."

"They just carve this out of the ground?" he asked, gaping at the water.

Remus laughed. "Some people even do it in their own backyards."

Sirius gasped. "Moony, can we have a pool after Hogwarts?"

It took some coaxing to get Remus to take his jacket off, then his shirt (Sirius stared unabashedly the whole time), but after he did, James convinced him to have a diving contest in the deep end which they insisted Peter moderate.

"It's down to the wire, folks," Peter announced to no one but Sirius. "Potter is on the edge of the board and – oh, he flops it! He falls face-first into the water!"

"It's called a belly flop, Peter," Remus said. "It's a legitimate dive – just not a very graceful one." And with that, Remus leapt off the diving board and did a front-flip into the water.

"And we have a winner!" Peter cried. "Remus Lupin with a fancy flip-thing!"

James hopped out of the pool and shook out his hair like a dog. "Ah, well, that does seem fair, doesn't it."

"And now," Peter continued, "an announcement from Sirius Black. Sirius?" He held out his hand like a microphone.

Sirius leaned over and said, "I'm super gay, folks, and in love with Remus Lupin."

"You heard it here first," Peter said, nodding to an invisible crowd. "Our winner has a loyal boyfriend, so stay the fuck away."

James rolled his eyes and shoved Peter into the water.

XXX

Sirius jerked awake. He scanned the room, trying to figure out what had roused him when Remus moaned beside him.

Sirius turned on his side. Remus was on his back, whimpering softly. "Re?" Sirius shook him. "Remus?"

Remus sat upright, breathing fast. Sirius sat up and placed a hand on Remus' back.

"S-Sirius?"

"It's alright," Sirius whispered, his chin resting on Remus' shoulder. "Bad dream?"

"No, it's – I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

"You're shaking." Sirius picked up a thin blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it around Remus' shoulders. "You can talk about it. If you want to."

Remus shook his head. "I just want to forget."

"Okay." Sirius lay next to Remus, whose eyes were wide and a million miles away. "Same dream?"

Remus hesitated, and then nodded. He always had nightmares before the full moon, and he was already kicking himself for being stupid enough to stay at the Potters …

"Not you this time," Remus whispered, still looking past Sirius, as though Remus could see through him. "Or James or Peter." His eyes seemed to focus, finally settling on the boy beside him. "Did you see the Muggles in the paper the other day?"

"Yeah. Five dead."

"It was them," Remus said. "I could see them all so clearly, but I – I couldn't stop myself f-from … I hurt them, Sirius." His voice cracked on Sirius' name. Remus closed his eyes and turned his head toward his pillow.

"But you didn't," Sirius said, stroking the side of Remus' face, his hand tracing a faded scar. "You were right here, the whole time. You never left me."

"It felt so real," Remus whispered. "I feel so dirty."

"Hey, look at me?" Remus opened his eyes – or at least the eye visible to Sirius – and Sirius continued, "I saw my parents on Platform 9 3/4 before we left the station. And seeing them – my mum looked over at me, and I felt wrong, like I shouldn't be going with James and his parents because they're so good. Even when Euphemia makes me something special to eat just because or Fleamont mentions his two sons, there's something that feels separate, y'know?"

Remus didn't answer for a moment, but his eyes were trained on Sirius. Finally, he said, "I do."

Sirius gripped Remus' hand under the covers and said, "I can't tell you not to feel this way, because I know you can't help it. All I can say is, it's the worst feeling. And I'm here for you through it."

"Thank you." Remus gripped Sirius' hand in return and pulled himself closer, until their whole bodies touched in the dark.