TWENTY-THREE

Sunday, 8 November 2020; twenty-two weeks

The closer she got to Ginny and Harry's, the more she decided against going there. If she turned up there in her current state of mind, nothing she said would add up. Ginny would be able to fill in the blanks and the last thing she needed was Harry being clued in to the truth. So she ended up turning into the parking lot of the first place with a vacancy sign that she came across and checked herself in for the night. And even though she knew it was wrong, she shut her phone off after watching James' name flash across the screen for the fifth or sixth time.

Just as she figured, the sleep that she got was not only minimal at best, but she felt worse when she woke than when she had gone to bed. After freshening up with the amenities provided to every guest in the bathroom, she made her way down for the continental breakfast. Only when she was full did she return to her room and turn her phone back on. Not only where there dozens of missed calls, voicemails, and texts from James throughout the night, but there were some from Harry, Ginny, Sirius, and Remus as well.

She deleted the voicemails without listening to them, already knowing exactly what they would say. She kept the messages unopened though, not wanting anyone to see that she had read them and try again. Her battery was nearly dead and she didn't have a charger as it was. After a small debate with herself, she decided to take her chances with the time; it was after nine-thirty on a Sunday, and made a call. She was glad when the receiving party not only answered, but sounded awake enough that she didn't feel guilty about disturbing them too early. After they made a plan of when and where to meet, she hung up.

Her phone died shortly after that.

She stayed in the hotel until it was time to check out. She passed the time by flicking through the channels, though she didn't really watch the one she ended up settling on. Her mind wandered, but she paid just about as much attention to it as she did the television. She had gotten rather good at ignoring her thoughts as of late and today seemed to be no different than that. Not even when the what-ifs popped up. The what-if she had conceived that first night. The wondering of whether or not they would have repeated their first mistake and tried to have a relationship. Or were they only going down that road because of the child?

But she didn't let herself answer any of those questions. Not until she saw Theo when she met him for lunch. Not until she had laid that part of the equation to rest. Even when she got to the café and sat at the table, waiting for him to arrive, Hermione felt bad she wasn't including James in on this. That she wouldn't be able to tell him until after, but this was something she had to do alone. For herself.

Theo arrived shortly after her and gestured for her to remain seated as he took the seat across from her. "I thought it best to meet with you first before I told Draco anything," he said when he saw her look around for his partner. "I love him, but he can be a bit hot-headed sometimes without realizing."

She smiled and relaxed in her chair. "I really am sorry for leaving the meeting the way I did. I panicked."

"And you're allowed to, Hermione," he said, offering a warm smile. "This isn't a decision to be made lightly. You have to know without a doubt that this is the right decision for you or not."

"It was easier when he was, well, an it," she muttered, glancing down at her stomach, her hands resting on the top of it. "I liked you and Draco. From the moment I met you, I could tell you two had great parental potential." She looked up at him again, her head tilted to the side. "I even looked specifically for non-traditional couples."

"There will be other babies," he said; a touch of sadness in his voice. "Yours just wasn't meant to be ours." He studied her for a moment and then asked, "If it's not too personal, may I ask why you considered adoption?"

"My ex husband came from a large family. All he wanted was to have one just like it." Her lips curved into a smile talking about Ron. "He didn't care that we had only just begun our careers or that we had some rooms in our house still largely unfurnished. Or that our savings had been depleted fixing up the parts of the house that were. I wanted the security; the foundations of my life to be set before I even entertained the idea.

"And when things started to mellow out, I kept coming up with reasons to say no; that we weren't ready, but I think I was just scared. Being a mom was never something I dreamed about. It was more a fleeting thought, a one day. And then one day came and I was seeing my son on a monitor; hearing his heartbeat around me in the room. I just kept picturing what he would be like; what my life would be like with or without him and I just…"

Hermione wasn't able to keep the rug over that train of thought any longer. The emotions flowed out of her as she finally admitted the truth to herself. That she wanted her child. Wanted to take him home for the first time. To see his first steps; hear his first words. She wanted to see him off on his first day of school in Kindergarten and celebrate with him when he graduated college. She wouldn't get to see any of that if she gave him away.

"I'm sorry, Theo."

"I'm not," he said, reaching for her hand despite still being strangers. "You love him; I can already tell that you do. I wish you the best, Hermione, I really do."

Even though he didn't know her, he gave her comfort and as they continued to eat their meal together, Hermione was grateful for his pleasant conversation as it calmed her down enough that by the time she was back in her car to head home, she was ready to deal with the fallout.

When Hermione parked her car in the driveway, she didn't linger for long before heading inside. She had barely crossed the threshold of the front door when he appeared in the hallway, having come from the direction of the living room. The look in his eyes was equal parts worry, anger, and relief as they stared at one another.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing it wasn't enough.

"You can't just take off like that, Hermione," he said, his voice clipped as he took a step forward. "You said you were going to Harry's, but you weren't there. Where the fuck did you go?" Her lips parted to answer, but he pressed on as he took another step forward. "You didn't answer your phone or return any of our messages. Do you even care that we went out looking for you? Or stayed awake all night hoping that when our phones went off it was you and not-"

"I'm sorry!" she repeated, the word coming out more akin to a sob than she would have liked. "I started to go to Harry's, but I couldn't think of a plausible reason as to why I would be there. I went to a hotel instead. I'm so sorry I made all of you worry, but I needed to think." She paused as her voice wavered. "I couldn't do that here; not after last night. I'm sorry that I panicked the way I did. That I left-"

He was there, wrapping his arms around and holding her so tight she thought he might squeeze the air from her lungs. She returned his embrace immediately, her fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt to anchor herself to him. "You can't do that, Hermione," he whispered into her hair. "You can't just up and leave. I couldn't stop thinking that the worst had happened."

She tightened her hold as she whispered, "I know," and "I'm sorry," over and over again at different intervals.

They stayed wrapped up in one another for what felt like an eternity. Slowly, their holds began to slacken, but still, neither of them moved. "I'm sorry about last night."

She nodded, having already forgiven him in her mind. He hadn't been hers and he had been in a position that would have made it hard to explain why he was turning someone down. Instead, she changed the subject.

"I had lunch with Theo."

She had been prepared for the sudden loss of his arms around her as he pulled back. "Hermione-"

"I told you last night I've been talking to him here and there, but this morning I asked him to meet me."

"Why?" he asked. He was quick to reach for her hands and lace their fingers together, his forehead falling against hers. "You once told me that you weren't sure if you could go through with an adoption. That you might come to regret it."

She nodded against him. "That's more or less what I told Theo," she whispered, a tear slid down her cheek at the way he tensed. "I apologized for running out the way I did and that I still couldn't go through with it." She drew in a shaky breath and reached up, her hands flattening on his chest. "I didn't realize how much I wanted him until I was there; how much I wanted both of you."

"Hermione-"

She shook her head slightly, her fingers flexing against his shirt. "I'm terrified of what I feel for you; of how much I feel for you. All of this was so unexpected that it still feels unreal. I know there's a lot to discuss; a lot to think about moving forward, but I'm tired of letting that fear try and chase me away from this. Away from you." His hands came up to cup her cheeks, his thumbs brushing away her tears as she continued to speak. "I kept asking myself if we're only doing this because of the child. That if we did go through with adoption, would we still be together. Maybe we work out, maybe we don't, but we'll never know unless we try. It doesn't matter what brought us together, so long as-"

His lips descended over hers, swallowing the rest of her sentence. Their kiss was an equal mix of give and take, one that was meant to show that he understood and he was ready to take that next step with her.

"I don't have everything figured out," she whispered when they pulled away for air. "I want to give us a real shot and I think the best way to do that is to keep this to ourselves for awhile."

"We'll tell people when we're ready."

"And if we never are?"

"That's our decision to make, Hermione. Not theirs. We can't control what people think once they learn something; can't make them see eye to eye on everything. All we can do is what's right for us." He kissed her again, keeping it brief this time before nibbling his way along her jaw until his lips found her ear. "So long as I get to call you mine, I don't care about the rest."

She shivered as his hands slid down her sides until they rested at her hips, pulling her closer. "Yours," she murmured, her arms winding around his neck, one hand diving into his hair. "All yours."

She wasn't surprised when he lifted her. It was that her belly wasn't getting in the way of her legs wrapping around his waist that surprised her. That he made her feel like she weighed nothing as he turned and made way for the stairs. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, peppering his skin with kisses and nips as he carried her to his room. A sigh escaped her lips when he set her down, but it quickly turned into a moan when he slanted his mouth over hers. Their kiss was slow and sweet, tasting and savoring each other as they took their time stripping one another bare.

He climbed onto the bed first, sitting with his legs folded beneath, thighs pressed together. She eyed him curiously as he extended his hand to her, beckoning her forth. She crawled across on her knees, stopping in a kneel before him. She leaned over to kiss him, but no sooner had her lips brushed across his did he reach for her hips and gently push until she took the hint and turned, putting her back to him.

She let him take the lead, unsure of what he intended. With her only having two partners in total throughout her life, the first one being largely unadventurous, the thrill of something new made her wetter than before. She relaxed despite the nervous tremble that took hold of her and drew her over his lap. She planted her feet on the outside of his knees, her thighs falling open as she settled her rear over his hardened length. Her hands automatically reached back, grasping at whatever part of him she touched first.

He hooked an arm under hers, his hand cupping her breast lightly so his fingers could pluck and tease at her nipple. She moaned and tilted her head to the side where he used his other hand to pull her hair to the side, exposing her throat for him to mark up, alternating between lips and teeth. She shuddered as his hand ghosted over her skin until it found its way down between them. He grasped his cock, coated it in her slick, and when he notched himself at her entrance, she lifted up just enough so she could sink back down onto him.

His hand stayed there, his fingers brushing over her clit as his other hand continued to fondle her breast. He moved his hips slowly beneath her, letting her find a rhythm that matched so they could pick up the pace. She leaned back against him, her nails digging into his flesh as he brought her closer to the edge.

"That's it, love," he murmured, his breath warming her skin as he kissed his way up her throat. She whimpered, drawing her bottom lip in between her teeth. His teeth tugged at her earlobe before he traced the shell of her ear with the tip of his nose. "Let me hear you."

Wanting to please him, she parted her lips, letting her moan sound around the room. He groaned against her skin as he increased the pace and pressure to her clit. She closed her eyes in time to see stars burst behind her eyelids. "J-James!" She continued to call out his name until her vocal cords refused to cooperate as she rode out her release.

He removed his hand from between their bodies in favor holding her the way his other arm was. With both hands on her breasts, arms tight to her side for leverage, he took over the thrusting from beneath her, setting a pace that quickly brought her to the edge of another release. She held off, wanting to come with him; not sure if she could handle a second, let alone a third.

"Say you're mine," he demanded, the gruffness of his voice signaling he was close.

She craned her neck to the side, his lips finding hers instantly. "Yours," she panted into his mouth as she started to crest. "Yoursyoursyours!" she chanted, her words turning into a sharp cry as he gave one deep thrust before they came together.

As they started to come down from their highs, he continued to nuzzle at her neck, his lips ghosting over her skin in a way that made her shiver. "Don't take this the wrong way, Hermione, but you were the best mistake I've ever made."

Her arm came up to cradle the back of his head as she turned towards him the best she could. "I couldn't agree more, Mister Potter."

He shuddered at her back and nipped at her shoulder, sending her into a soft round of giggles before he guided her off of him so that they could both lie down. And with the afternoon light still finding its way in around the curtains, they spent the rest of the day in a way that had Hermione cursing herself for not coming to this conclusion sooner.

A/N: I hope this was worth all the agony I put everyone through! And there's plenty more of this ahead! :)

...and yes, I mean both angst AND fluff