Chapter 29 - Snips

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Star Wars or any of the characters in it, though we wish we did. xD

Author's Note: Fyi, Ahsoka will be a constant presence to the end. :P

~ Amina Gila

Anakin paces outside the Council chambers, knowing that the Council could well be talking about him. And the worst part, is that there's nothing he can do about it. He did things he regrets, true, but he still harbors the fear that he'll be expelled for his mistakes. Unlike for the other Jedi, he always seems to be held to a higher standard, where nothing less than perfect is tolerated.

He hates being afraid. Fear is a weakness; it means he's helpless, and there's nothing he hates more than that. If he can help it, he'd much rather not feel – or confront – his fears. He'd rather be upset at the person causing his fear though it's not a conscious decision. Crossing his arms, Anakin stalks to the window and stares out, trying to find something to distract himself.

He loathes waiting, especially when his future will be decided right here and now. The Council will know everything; there's nothing Obi-Wan can do anymore to protect him. They'll know about his marriage to Padme. They'll know about his massacre of the Tusken Raiders. They'll know about his touching – and using – the Dark Side, though he rather suspects many of them already could sense that.

Even now, surrounded by the Light in the Temple, he can feel the Dark Side calling to him. It wants him, but he's determined not to let it claim him. He can't Fall. If he does, he could end up dooming the galaxy. He doesn't want to be responsible for the suffering of millions of beings. He doesn't. But – but what if he's destined to Fall? Is that possible?

No. He can't think like that. It's not going to help him or anyone, for that matter. Closing his eyes, he begins raging silently against the Council. They don't care about his emotions, holding him to a perfect standard which he can't ever meet. He is human. He will feel emotions. He can be hurt. It's just not fair. He's not the object in some prophecy. He's a person, not a slave. How can any of this be right?

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even recognize the approaching Force signature. "Master?" a soft familiar voice pulls him back to the present.

Spinning around, a smile appears at the sight of his Padawan. "Ahsoka," he greets her as she launches herself into his arms.

"I heard rumors you were back," she murmurs, head resting on his chest, arms wrapped around him, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," he replies letting her go.

She steps back, looking him up and down. "Where were you?"

He raises an eyebrow considering the question. "Serenno," he answers at last.

She just stares at him a look of surprise entering her eyes. "Isn't that Separatist territory?"

Anakin shrugs, "Yes, but I didn't have a problem considering I was the personal guest of Count Dooku." She looks at him, probably trying to figure out if he's joking.

"Start over," she demands, "Why were you going with him?"

This is too much fun, but she really does deserve the whole story. Reluctantly, Anakin decides to just tell her a brief summary. "Palpatine is a Sith Lord, Darth Sidious," he explains, smirking when she nearly gasps with shock, "Dooku disagreed with what his master was trying to do, so he asked me to help stop him. We fought him in the Senate with Obi-Wan, but he escaped."

"What will you do now?" she inquires, "I want to help." Fearless as always.

A quiet laugh escapes him. "I knew you'd say that, Snips, but I have a bigger problem." As he remembers what the Council will soon discover, his amusement fades away, being replaced by cold trickles of fear.

"What's wrong, Skyguy?" Ahsoka asks quietly.

Sighing, he leans back against the wall, a grim expression on his face. "The Council has uncovered some – ah, let's just say they've discovered some indiscretions on my part which they may or may not expel me for."

"What?" hisses the Togruta, "They can't do that!"

His expression becomes weary – if not slightly haunted – and he nods slightly. "Yes, actually they can." He can see the questions in her eyes she desperately wants to ask.

"Well if they do," she finally declares, "I'm coming with you. Someone has to watch your back, especially if you'll be hunting down a Sith Lord. And how could you really go hunting Sith without me?" There's a fake pout on her face, which makes him laugh.

"Obi-Wan has already told me he'll come with me," Anakin informs her, "And hunting Sith is a dangerous task, young one." He gives her a warning look, "It's not as easy as fighting Grievous."

She gives him an impish grin which is soon replaced with a hesitant look. "What did the Council discover that they might expel you for?"

Wonderful. Just the question he'd been hoping she wouldn't ask. He doesn't want to tell her. The thought of the Council hearing about it, is enough to make him feel sick again. The guilt is slowly dragging him under. How can he tell Ahsoka he murdered out of revenge? How can he tell her that he's Vader?

"I'd rather not talk about it," he finally mutters, looking stonily across the hall.

"But Master," Ahsoka argues, "I'll probably hear regardless. Wouldn't you rather tell me yourself than have me hear from someone else?"

And why does she have to be so right? This – it hurts. He doesn't want to say the words, almost as though saying them make them even more real. He doesn't want to acknowledge the depths of his crimes – against the Jedi and against the galaxy.

Reluctantly, he drags his gaze back to hers. She's waiting patiently for him to respond. She clearly knows he's going to tell her but realizes it's probably not easy for him to say. His mechanical hand clenches into a fist, and he reaches out with the Force to ensure that no one is listening. He's not near enough to any security device which could record his words either.

"I don't know where to start," he mumbles under his breath, knowing that she'll still hear him. And he doesn't. This is far from easy. What will she do? Will she want to leave him? That thought makes him flinch. He can't lose her – his little sister. It wouldn't be as bad as Obi-Wan – true – but it will still hurt.

"Anywhere. Just start talking," she suggests.

He closes his eyes, breathing in and trying to release some of the anxiety which is knotting up inside him. What will she take easiest? His touching the Dark Side – something which could be unforgivable for a Jedi? His marriage to Padme? His massacre of the Tusken Raiders?

Finally, he just starts talking like she advised. "They know about my relationship with Senator Amidala," he begins, eyes aimlessly tracing the structures in the hall. And why is she smirking about that? He raises an eyebrow, giving her a questioning look.

"I think everyone knows that you have feelings for her," Ahsoka loftily informs him.

Were they really that transparent? A slight blush colors his cheeks, and he fixes her with a severe expression. "Actually," he continues and finds himself suddenly unable to look at her anymore, "We kinda married…"

That she clearly didn't anticipate. He senses a rush of surprise and amusement. "Congratulations, Master," she drawls, smirking. Reaching out, she pats his arm. "I doubt you'll be expelled simply for that though."

He gives her a doubtful look but chooses not to express his misgivings aloud. "I've touched – used – the Dark Side. I – I –" Force. This is hard. He can't just come right out and say he could become a Sith! "I'm too close to it," he finally explains. That should be sufficient.

"Everyone makes mistakes. Being a Jedi isn't easy," Ahsoka reminds him quietly, "I think the Council can understand that." If only it was that simple.

"I know, but I don't think they'll be particularly forgiving now that they know that – that I'm Vader," grumbles Anakin, meeting her gaze once more.

She seems pensive though not surprised. Did she figure that out too? "I don't know what they'll say about that," she admits, shaking her head slightly, "I don't think they would expel you though."

He can't look at her anymore; not when her unwavering faith is misplaced. He turns, looking out a window. He can't bring himself to confess his deepest crime. He doesn't even know if he regrets it. Some days, the guilt torments him; other days, he feels he was justified. It's in the past, but they'll judge him for it. He failed them. He failed everyone, and that fact will always haunt him.

"There was more," Anakin says at last, his voice low, "And they will judge me for it. They just – they don't understand. More than that, I don't know if I even regret it," he finishes barely above a whisper.

"I don't know what to say," Ahsoka murmurs, "If they do expel you, I'm going with you. I mean it." She steps over to him, standing silently at his side and staring out the window with him. Neither of them speaks, each lost in their own thoughts.