TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of sexual content (not graphic)

Chapter 36 – Secrets

Finally, Mettaton was back where he belonged.

He took a deep breath as he entered the film studio alongside Devon, who held his hand. There were no words to describe how much he had missed everything about the studio—the bustle of people, the smells from the kitchens, even the squeaks of the janitors' cart wheels as they rolled around.

And of course there were his celebrity friends he hadn't seen in a good while.

"Mettaton! We've missed you so much, honey!" A woman with fiery red hair wearing a black suit ran up and threw her arms around him.

"Oh, Margaret! It's so good to see you…" Mettaton returned the hug. "How's filming on Red Wonder going?"

"We just finished up, actually. Did you hear we got renewed for a third AND a fourth season already? Everyone's just in love with it!"

"Mettaton, great to see you!" A black-haired, dark-skinned man in a T-shirt and jeans clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hi, Matt! I'm honestly really sorry this all happened. We could have been shooting months ago." Mettaton smiled ruefully at Matt, who was one of the costars for his new show.

"Eh, don't worry about it. Gave us all a good break. You weren't the only one who needed it!" Matt laughed.

Mettaton smiled tightly.

By now he and Devon were surrounded by a small group of celebrities.

"So… Dev's been talking a lot about you, Metta. When we see him, that is. He's almost never here anymore, all he wants to do is spend time with you!" A perky, curly haired blonde that Mettaton knew as Lin laughed.

"Oh, really? What does he say?" Mettaton looked up at Devon, pretending to be suspicious.

"Oh, he mostly just talks about your dates and how cute everything you do is, and… well." Lin's face turned pink. "I don't think he'd want me to talk about that in front of you."

"Talk about what?"

"Okay! I think we should get going, we don't want to be late," Devon cut in hurriedly. He started toward the stairway, pulling Mettaton along.

Someone else came up to talk to Devon while they were walking, so he didn't look over when Lin caught up to Mettaton and whispered in his ear, "Sometimes he talks about how good in bed you are."

Mettaton almost stopped walking, but managed to keep his composure. He looked back at Lin, who was already walking away, her frame clearly shaking with laughter. He wondered if she was telling the truth.

Mettaton knew if he didn't find out right now, it was going to bother him all day. Fortunately, when he and Devon arrived at the film set Mettaton was going to be shooting at, nobody else was there yet.

"So, Dev… you just go around telling people I'm good in bed now, huh?" Mettaton crossed his arms.

Devon, who was inspecting the set, froze, but only for the tiniest second. "Who told you that?" he laughed.

"Lin, who else?"

"Come on, you know Lin gossips." Devon shrugged. "Even if I did, guys talk about their sex lives all the time. It'd be weird for me not to mention how good in bed you are… not that I actually know." He leaned against a set wall, his voice more quiet. "I'd have to make things up. And I hate lying. You know that."

"Why can't you just… say we haven't gotten there yet? Or better yet, tell them to mind their own business?" Mettaton argued.

"I'd rather not look like a total loser."

"How would that make you look like a loser?"

"Having my boyfriend reject my advances all the time? Especially after he hit it up with almost every other remotely homosexual celebrity guy out there? Come on, Mettaton." Devon chuckled mirthlessly. "You're so weird that way, honestly. You can't get enough of it when you're on your own, but the second you're in a relationship, you turn into a prude."

"It's not—being a prude, I don't have problems with sex—not on its own, anyway…" Mettaton ran a hand through his hair and sighed, leaning against the set wall opposite of Devon.

"So what is it, then?"

Mettaton didn't answer; he could feel that nasty sick feeling in his stomach that came whenever he thought of the incident.

Devon seemed to guess what he was thinking about. "Oh, my god. You're not still on about that, are you? Jesus Christ." Devon rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You've gotta be kidding me—"

"It's not that!" Mettaton cried, stomach twisting at the thought of upsetting Devon this way. "Really, it's not. It's just—I feel differently about sex now that we're together. I was just doing it for fun before, honestly, but now that I have something special with you, I don't want to just rush into things. I want to make sure this is going to last. That I'm really ready for it."

Devon seemed to consider that for a good while. Finally, he came over to Mettaton's side of the set and settled his hands on his shoulders, kissing his forehead. "Okay. I think I get it… a little bit. I guess it probably is better not to rush things… and it'll make it all the more special when it finally happens." Devon smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind Mettaton's ear.

Mettaton rested his head against the man's chest, thankful Devon had swallowed his lie.

It was a good thing their argument was over, because just then the director and producers and other members of the crew for Mettaton's new show began coming in. Devon stepped back from Mettaton and patted his shoulder. "Well, I should probably head off. But if you're still filming when I get a break, I'll come and watch you." He winked.

Mettaton smiled at him and watched him leave until he went out the door. He then greeted all the members of the crew as well as his costars and listened while the director of the show went over what they were going to film for the day.

There was a short break between that and the beginning of the actual filming, and it was then that Mettaton received a phone call.

He stared at the caller ID. Maddy? he thought. I haven't heard from her in forever. I hope nothing's wrong…

He answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hey, hotshot. I got around to thinking and realized I haven't seen you in person since we all got to the surface. I know I said I was busy modeling and all that, but I miss you and Napsta. If you have time, I'd love to go out to eat somewhere with both of you." Maddy spoke so quickly that Mettaton barely got what she was saying.

"Oh, uh… sure. I might be able to go out tonight, actually. I'll just need to check with Blooky and make sure they don't have anything going on… and my boyfriend, too. I'll text you when I know what's up. Where were you thinking of eating?"

"Oh, I dunno. I'm not really picky. Actually, scratch that, I won't eat fish. So no fish places. Honestly? I'd be happy if we just went to McDonald's or something."

"McDonald's, really? Well, if that's what you want. I'll pay for everyone. Really, it's nothing!" Mettaton raised his voice as Maddy started to protest. "I won't hear of anything else. Now, I have to go, we're about to start filming. Hope to see you later, darling!"

Mettaton had just enough time to send texts to Napstablook and Devon before the director called the actors to their places.

And for several hours, Mettaton forgot everything but the glory of being able to act again.

It was only under the stage lights that he realized just how much he'd missed this—even more than he'd thought. He could feel the heat of the lights, see the gaze of the cameras, and hear the passion in his own voice, the excitement coursing through his circuits.

It seemed too soon when they took a lunch break.

At least then, Mettaton was able to check his messages and see that Napstablook had agreed to come to dinner with him and Maddy tonight, and that Devon, while disappointed, had no problem with Mettaton going out to see family tonight.

While somewhat put off by Maddy's rather forceful manner, he was glad to reconnect with her tonight, and thought that all in all, it was shaping up to be a very good day.

When his lunch break was over, everyone headed back over to the set, and Mettaton prepared himself to feel that fervor for the stage once again.

Ω

"So, Papyrus, dear… how are you doing?" Toriel asked casually as she checked the butterscotch-cinnamon pie she had baking in the oven.

Papyrus was sitting at her kitchen table, a mug of fresh hot chocolate in his hands. He stared straight ahead, not looking at anything in particular.

In truth, he was not doing well. Ever since the incident with Tyler at work, his fight with Sans about money, and his nightmare-memory about Salia humiliating him, he'd been feeling awful. He couldn't seem to shake his bad mood. Every night he had nightmares. He barely talked to his coworkers at the office, and he hadn't spoken a word to Sans in almost a week. He hadn't gone to dinner at Toriel's last Saturday; in fact, he hadn't left the house for anything but work since the whole thing had started.

Until now, of course. The only reason Papyrus was at Toriel's now was because she had specifically asked him to come over and play with Frisk and Flowey. Currently the kids were out in the backyard digging holes. Not feeling like getting dirty, Papyrus had asked to take a break, and now here he was in the kitchen, wishing Toriel weren't so perceptive.

"Papyrus?" the goat prodded him gently when he failed to answer her question.

"'M fine," Papyrus mumbled.

"You do not seem fine," Toriel said, sitting across from him her own cup of hot chocolate. "You were very listless playing with Frisk and Flowey earlier. And you have barely spoken to me since you arrived. Usually you are quite talkative. What is wrong?"

Papyrus considered the pros and cons of telling Toriel about everything. On the one hand, she was old and wise and could have advice for him on how to feel better. On the other hand, he didn't know how likely she was to just baby him like everyone else usually did, not to mention there were lots of things contributing to Papyrus's mood that she wouldn't understand… that he barely understood himself.

He decided to start off slow, begin with something she'd get, and figure out what else to say from there.

"Well… I've been having a lot of nightmares recently."

"And it is affecting how much you sleep, I assume?" Toriel asked sympathetically.

"Yes. But that's not what really bothers me. These dreams… feel like memories, somehow." Papyrus struggled for words. "It's… they usually start out clear, and vivid… but then they… change, and it gets hard to understand what I'm seeing, and what it all means…"

"Have you tried talking to Sans about these dreams?"

Papyrus looked away, his face dark. "Not recently."

"But you have done so before?"

"He never tells me anything. He always says they're just dreams, and that they don't mean anything. But I can tell he's lying. He knows something—I can feel it."

Toriel slowly took a sip of her hot chocolate before answering. "Papyrus, I have not seen your dreams, so I cannot say whether your interpretation of them as memories is correct or not. And I know that Sans is a very secretive person, sometimes to his detriment. All I can say is that, if Sans is indeed hiding things from you, you must consider why he would be doing that. He may be afraid of hurting or upsetting you."

"He's upsetting me by…" Papyrus huffed. "Forget it. I should have known you would take Sans' side."

He felt a little bad when hurt showed on Toriel's face, but he didn't apologize.

"I am… sorry, Papyrus. I do not mean to take sides, or invalidate your thoughts and feelings. If Sans is hiding things from you, you have the right to be upset. I only…" Toriel pursed her lips. "If I knew what he might be keeping from you, I could have better advice for you. But I do not."

Papyrus shrugged. "It isn't your fault."

Toriel came over to Papyrus's side of the table and hugged him. "I do hope you stop having nightmares soon, Papyrus. You deserve to have a good night's rest."

Toriel's hug was a bit too warm, and rather fuzzy, but Papyrus appreciated the affection all the same. In truth, he was feeling a bit touch-starved from not having really interacted with his brother all week, but Toriel took care of some of that.

"Now…" Toriel went over to the oven. "I believe this pie is done. Would you like some?"

"…Yeah, I'll have some," Papyrus decided, smiling slightly.

Ω

"You know, you don't have to go if you really don't want to," Mettaton said to Napstablook as they drove to the McDonald's Maddy had directed them to. "I know she makes you nervous. I can go by myself and I'll just say you came down sick or something."

"No, no… I said I would come…" Napstablook replied, but they didn't look him in the eye.

Mettaton shrugged and sighed as they pulled into the parking lot. "There she is." He turned the engine off and pointed to an anime catgirl doll loitering by the front door of the restaurant.

They met her where she was standing and went inside together. "Nice pink car you got, Metts," Maddy said.

"Thank you, it's an Aston Martin."

"I have no idea what that means, but okay."

The three of them ordered food and then sat in a booth to wait for it, Mettaton and Napstablook across from Maddy. None of them said anything for a while. Between that and several people staring at him while they walked past, Mettaton was feeling very awkward.

"So, Maddy… what have you been up to?" he asked, putting some false cheer into his voice.

Maddy shrugged. "Oh, you know… modeling and stuff… not much other than that."

"Have you fused with your body yet?"

Suddenly Maddy slumped. "No," she admitted. "I don't know what to do… I'm starting to think maybe this body isn't really for me."

"Nonsense! You were so happy when you found it," Mettaton said.

"Not as happy as you were, apparently. I heard you fused the first time you got in it," Maddy said jealously.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean that happens for everyone. Some people have to feel an emotion really strongly in order to fuse. I'm sure it'll happen someday."

"Yeah… maybe." Maddy did not sound like she believed him.

"Well, anyway. Who have you been modeling for again?" Mettaton asked.

"Madison Rochelle…"

"You sound unsure about that."

Maddy shifted in her seat. "Well… god. I might as well just come out and say it. Technically I'm employed under her, but she barely uses me for anything because… because I'm not exactly normal-looking."

"Normal-looking? What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Mettaton.

"Well, look at me. I've got pink hair, cat ears, a tail… let's face it, I don't exactly look like a human being."

"So? Most monsters look nothing like human beings. I'm, like, the only exception. It's stupid to hire a monster and then not use her because she looks like a monster!" Mettaton clenched his fast. "You know what? Maddy, you should quit."

"Quit? But then how will I get money?"

"By working for me, of course."

"Working for you…" Maddy stared blankly at him. "Working for you… WORKING FOR YOU! IT'S PERFECT!" she shouted suddenly, causing everyone in the restaurant to look her way. "Why didn't I ever think of that?! You're a genius, Metts. Almost makes me want to forgive you for abandoning us."

"Oh… yes." Mettaton pursed his lips and looked nervously at Napstablook, who was gazing at the table.

"That's something else I wanted to discuss, by the way." Maddy settled down in her seat and raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe not in public?" Mettaton gritted his teeth as a restaurant worker put their trays of food on the table.

"Yeah, actually, that's probably a better idea. I wouldn't want to risk ripping your face off in front of your fans." Maddy grinned.

"You seem rather… moody."

"Oh, trust me. I'm very moody."

"Right," Mettaton murmured as he opened up his Crispy Noodle Salad and poured some dressing over it.

"Anyway… I heard you got a boyfriend. Tell me about him." Maddy settled her chin in one hand.

"You must know Devon. Everyone loves his show."

"Which one is that?"

"When Angels Fall."

"Never heard of it."

"Of course not." Mettaton rolled his eyes. "Well, he's very sweet and kind… a bit… demanding, sometimes, and a total worrywart, but it's just because he loves me." He sighed. "We go on dates every week. A few days ago we walked one of the piers together. It was very windy, messed up my hair," he giggled, "but Devon said I looked cute."

"Wow, gay." Maddy chuckled. "You'll have to introduce me sometime."

"What about you? Haven't you found anyone you like yet?"

"Oh, there's someone I like." Maddy suddenly looked quite dreamy. "She's got blue skin… red fins and hair… and she's a fighter. I remember when I used to watch her with her training dummy, wishing I were the dummy…"

It took a minute, but Mettaton figured it out. "Undyne?" he said incredulously.

"Yeah, you know her?"

"Of course I know her, she's dating my best friend…" Mettaton gazed at Maddy sympathetically. "You know she's with Alphys, right?"

"Of course I know that!" Maddy snapped. "You think I don't respect their relationship?"

"I never said that, and you know it," Mettaton retorted.

"Right… sorry. I'm just worked up over a lot of things right now."

"Do you want to talk about them?"

"Better not. I'll get mad again."

Nothing more was said for a while as they ate their meals. Mettaton kept glancing over at Napstablook, who hadn't said a word the entire time.

As soon as she was finished, Maddy went to take care of her trash and then stood at the head of the table. "Well, it was nice talking to you guys," she said casually, though her eyes strayed over to Napstablook as well. "I'm gonna head out."

"Maddy, wait." Mettaton grabbed her arm and then snatched his hand back as she glared at him. "Listen. The family—Frisk's family, that is—we have dinner together every Saturday night. I could ask Toriel if there's room for you, if you want… you seem rather lonely."

Maddy opened her mouth as if to retort, but appeared to reconsider. "Sure. Go ahead and ask if you want," she said finally, clearly trying to sound indifferent.

"I will," Mettaton promised.

He and Napstablook exited the restaurant soon after Maddy left. "That was… something," Mettaton said once they were in the car. "Was it just me or did she seem really keyed up?"

"I wish she wouldn't hold you leaving against you…" Napstablook whispered.

"Yes, well…" Mettaton started the car and backed out of the parking space. "I guess I can understand it… it probably hurt her as much as it did you when I left."

Napstablook said nothing.

Mettaton tried to act like he didn't care, but in truth, he was quite troubled by Maddy's behavior. She seemed to have conflicting feelings toward him—she wanted to reconnect with him, genuinely, but she was also clearly angry about his abandonment of her and the others.

He wondered if it were possible to repair their relationship without talking about that… he could hardly bear thinking about why he'd left. Forget trying to explain it to someone else.

In a way he sort of regretted asking her to come to the dinners at Toriel's—it would just be more opportunity for her to badger him about everything. But at the same time, he couldn't stand the thought of her being lonely. No one should have to be alone, he thought.

Finally he decided not to overthink things too much. He'd managed to avoid talking about it with Alphys and Napstablook—surely he could avoid it with Maddy too.

Keeping secrets was hard, but it was worth it in the end, since no one would have to hurt from the knowledge besides himself.

oooooooooo

Originally I posted this to AO3 on May 25, which was the third anniversary of this fic!

I'm so glad to have made it this far, and I just wanted to say I couldn't have done it without my readers. thank you so much for all the comments you leave, I treasure every single one even if I have no idea how to respond to them.

lesbianpapyrus: tumblr where I post UT/DR content
ask-walls: ask blog for this fic
lesbianpapyrus: personal twitter

feel free to ask me about my discord servers on my tumblr blog as well!