Chapter 21: Broken Union

The Shepherd kitchen was surrounded in dead silence. Only the clock on the wall ticked, counting the passing time. The warm evening sunbathing the room didn't dissipate the gloom. One could think there had been a death in the family as five women sat around the table over their teacups, their faces troubled.

"I… I can't believe that," Lanie's small voice broke the stillness.

"I wished we'd stayed home last night," Mia sighed. "She needed us, and we weren't here."

"She needed peace and quiet yesterday," Carolyn said.

Are you really sure?" Kathleen asked. "It's just… it's an argument. They'll cool off and Mer will be back in no time. You don't just pack your bags and walk away like that. It's not like Meredith at all!"

"It's not," agreed Nancy. "But I'm glad she finally listened to my advice."

"Nancy!" Lanie gasped. "How can you say that!"

"Have you seen the state she's in?" Nancy went on harshly. "Derek left her emotionally a long time ago. You know it's true. She's been struggling for months alone. I hope she's going to be able to get some reprieve now. Maybe it will make our idiot brother wise up."

"That's not how it sounds," Mia muttered. "I called Mer as soon as Mom told us what was going on. One of her friends picked up. Some Cristina. She yelled at me and said not to bother Mer because she's not ever going back to my asshole brother again."

"Well… at least she has people that care for her around…" Lanie sighed. "Even if it should be us."

"It might be difficult for her to turn to us," Kath remarked. "We're his sisters…"

"We're also her sisters," said Mia fiercely. "She's broken up with him, it doesn't mean she can break up with us."

"So… is it really the end of Meredith and Derek?" Lanie asked quietly.

A new wave of silence fell over the kitchen. They got lost in thoughts how to try to remedy the situation when they were interrupted by the sound of the opening door.

A short while later Derek appeared in the doorway, a little out of breath.

"Ma-" he trailed off nervously, taking half a step back. He should have known a Shepherd emergency conference was just a matter of time. Perhaps, calling would have been a better option given the way all of his sisters glared at him, their eyes so narrowed they could probably barely see.

Mia was the first to break the awkward moment. With the speed of lightning, she grabbed a saucer from the table and flung it across the room in the direction of his head. He managed to duck with a gasp and the little plate crashed into smithereens against the wall.

"Amelia! This is uncalled for!" Carolyn raised her voice.

"What the hell," Derek muttered straightening up. "You wanted to kill me?"

"Obviously not," Mia snapped at him Mia. She stood up to gather up the splinters. "I would need something heavier to get through that thick skull of yours!"

"What were you thinking, Derek, to let things go this far?" Lanie reproached him. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing happened to me," he rolled his eyes.

"Then you've been making Meredith, supposedly the love of your life, miserable for weeks on end just for fun?" she snorted.

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did!" Mia rounded on him, shoving him aside while she was picking up the broken pieces of the saucer. "You neglected her, you traded her for surgeries-"

"Mia, that is enough," Carolyn stopped her looking at her son. "What are you doing here, Derek?"

"I… I talked with Mer," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

He noted with slight relief that there was finally something else than hostility in the eyes of his siblings.

"You did?"

"And?"

"Just spit it out?"

"Did you make up?"

"No," he sighed. "She got this ridiculous idea that I don't love her or something."

"Do you love her?" asked Nancy, her eyes piercing him.

"How can you even ask?" he snapped.

"So, we know what she told you. What did you tell her?" asked Carolyn.

"I tried to reason with her. She didn't listen. You know she's-"

"Did you apologize?"

"For what? I've-"

"Derek," his mother cut him off. "I asked you to come when you thought through things. You clearly haven't. Please, go."

"Mom," he sighed tiredly. "If you could talk-"

"No, I couldn't," she shook her head. "Only one person can convince Meredith to reconcile with you and that is not me. I think that's all, dear. Come to see me when you've reflected on what you did wrong."

He tried to argue but he was met with five hard stares and slowly walked out with a defeated expression on his face.

"I still think you're too easy on him, Ma," Mia said, sitting back at her place. "He doesn't even see what the problem is!"

"He won't see it unless he realizes it on his own," answered gently Carolyn. "We're all humans. We make mistakes. Your brother is going to pay for them dearly even if he doesn't expect it yet. He's going to need us then. He's going to need you."

"Well, I won't be there for him if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass," she shrugged. "I'm on Mer's side through and through."

"What about the wedding?" Kath asked suddenly

"I don't see it happening in these circumstances," Nancy grumbled.

"We have to start cancelling everything I guess,' Kath sighed. "Fast too if we want to save at least some of the money."

"Don't you worry about this. I'll take care of it," Carolyn assured them.

"I'm going to help you, it's a lot of-"

"I said I'd take care of it. Alone," she emphasized.

He had no choice but to go back to their apartment. That was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. Without the sparkly presence of Meredith and its tangible proof in the form of her belongings if felt eerie. Her belongings… That sounded odd too. They were together for so long, time seemed to obliterate any kind of boundaries between them. They shopped for each other, they had a joint account for years, they bought the apartment together. They were fused into one, as if recreated into one organism. Now, there was a crack in this well-oiled machine, which left him lost.

He crossed the dark house and stopped dead in the middle of the bedroom. Just as the previous night, the concept of sleeping in their bed alone deterred him. He took a spare pillow and a blanket from the closet and trudged to extend the coach. He lay down with a heavy sigh, staring at the ceiling.

It was unbelievable that Meredith could assume he didn't love her. It was as clear as the sun. Hm, apparently not to her. Not to his sisters and mother either.

He tried to analyze recent weeks in his head looking for any clues that Meredith considered taking such drastic measures as temporarily moving out. Sure, they fought a lot. They were always teasing each other, sometimes they were snarky, they tended to snap and then passionately make up. But the past weeks were just filled more with anger and frustration than anything else, he got that. He remembered the glass of beer poured into his lap, Meredith parading naked in front of their colleagues… The one thing he couldn't remember was the last time they talked to each other. Simply. Just the two of them. In peace. About nothing in particular, just their random thoughts.

They didn't have time. That was the constant excuse. It never should have been. Work was not a justification for neglecting their relationship. It was their failure. Apparently, more of his failure than hers. He got so caught up with the world of surgery. He felt like he truly belonged in the OR. Even that pride of accomplishment and high of learning how to save lives were nothing without Meredith at his side.

He sighed and flipped to his side. He remembered too painfully the last time he had equally grim thoughts and no Meredith with him to dissipate them. But then he appeared to hold his hand just like an angel, soothing every kind of pain he experienced. He needed to have her back with him again. He would get her back. He would apologize, make up for everything and he would get her back.