"So… you're back, Slayer."

I stared up at Spike in silent awe, seemingly unable to form words.

He leaned casually against the doorframe, but seemed stoic, slightly on edge.

Something's changed…

"Would be lyin' if I said I hadn't missed you." His voice was a low, husky rasp, and his stormy blue eyes looked tired, pained even. But they were still the same beautiful eyes I knew so well. As his gaze travelled up and down my quivering form, those unforgettable eyes drank me in with a fervent thirst, and he raised an amused eyebrow.

"Nice frock, love."

"Buffy's… confused." Willow seemed to be searching for the right words, as her protective arm tightened around my shoulders. "She seems really… muddled, and upset, about where she's been these past few months -"

Spike frowned, as if seeing my face clearly for the first time. Ignoring Willow, he crouched down in front of me, his face now level with mine. He cut in smoothly, soothingly. "Why are you crying, pet?"

Overwhelmed with emotion, I tremulously breathed the only word I knew how. "Spike…"

Our eyes locked meaningfully, and his blue eyes widened as he swiftly rose to his feet, stumbling backwards slightly. He was seemingly piecing all parts of the puzzle together; comprehension dawned on his perfect face. That face…

"…Elizabeth?" His voice trembled, disbelieving. His eyes quickly pooled with unshed tears.

"My William," I whispered, smiling shakily through tears of my own.

Suddenly, my legs began working again; my previously frozen form jolted into motion as I leapt to my feet, almost knocking poor, baffled Willow flying in the process. In a frenzied, chaotic rush, I closed the space between us, literally flinging myself into Spike's arms. He held me tightly in his strong embrace, as if he couldn't bear to let go, burying his face in my hair. I felt the distinct wetness of his tears.

"I've waited a lifetime for you, love," he murmured, pressing fervent kisses across my face, until he finally, blissfully reached my lips. I took his beloved face in my hands, tracing his skin with shaking fingers, making sure he was actually real.

"Spike," I breathed. "I thought I'd lost you…"

"Can never get rid of me, pet," he grinned devilishly. The sight of that oh-so-familiar smile made me choke back a sob. A century of repressed passion stirred in his eyes, as he crushed his lips to mine in a heart-stopping, earth-shattering kiss. Our lips collided and tongues entwined in the devastatingly delicious dance we both knew so well.

I just wanna drown in his kiss forever…

I heard Willow awkwardly clearing her throat in the background. "Um, so… I've clearly missed something…"

Spike and I continued kissing. Apparently, we were both physically unable to break free from our impassioned reunion.

"But I, uh… I'm just gonna go - give you guys a chance to, um… catch up. I'm sure you'll fill me in later, Buffy." I could've sworn I heard a smile in her voice.

When Spike and I eventually pulled away (due to my inconvenient necessity to breathe), we still remained intimately close; my head resting on his chest as he held me tighter than tight.

"I love you, Spike."

I heard him stifle a ragged sob. I looked up, only to see tears cascading down his cheeks. His lower lip trembled, as he tried to control the naked emotion in his voice.

"You've no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that," he whispered.

"I think I've got some idea," I smiled, gently wiping his tears with my sleeve.

"I love you too, obviously," he said quickly, before laughing elatedly: a truly happy, sunshine-hued sound. "God, Buffy, I love you so bloody much."

He pulled me in for another searing kiss. I closed my eyes, wanting to be fully surrounded, encompassed by him; I was drowning in him, the familiar bliss of his taste and scent, the feeling of his strong arms around me, crushing me to his chest, his hands in my hair, his lips - and God, his tongue… the rest of the world seemed to fall away, it was just him and me. And oh, how we loved each other.

As we reluctantly pulled away for the second time, he slowly, sensually traced the plush pillow of my bottom lip with his thumb.

"Do you wanna go somewhere to talk?" His voice was a pleasurable low hum in my ear.

"Sounds like a plan," I languidly pecked his lips. "Besides, I feel majorly weird making out in Willow's room…" I giggled.

"My thoughts exactly - poor Red," Spike smirked.

"So… out for a walk?"

"Bitch." His voice was low and enticing; his crooked smile sent pleasurable tingles up my spine.

"Come on, you bad, bad boy…"

We swiftly began journeying downstairs; his hand naturally gravitated toward mine, and our fingers intertwined. I felt my heart flutter happily in my chest.

As we reached the door, Spike turned, calling over his shoulder: "See ya later, Red."

"Sorry about the PDA!" I echoed cheerily.

For once in my life, I honestly don't give a damn what anyone else thinks.

Even if it was only for a matter of minutes, experiencing a crushing reality where I believed Spike no longer existed… well, let's just say it put everything into perspective.

I'm not gonna waste any more time.

This is my life - and I want to spend it loving who I love.

The devastatingly sexy vampire in question was leading me out into the dusky evening air, joyously swinging our clasped hands.

"So… you've literally just left me? Right now - back in the 1800s?"

"Yep - all of fifteen minutes ago."

"Cor… it's a madness, innit," Spike murmured, shaking his head in bewilderment. He took a cigarette from his jeans pocket, lighting it in one fluid motion. "Our William… the tragic, broken-hearted poet. Poor sod." I watched, fascinated, as he took a long, slow drag. I was unable to take my eyes off those full, luscious lips as he blew the smoke away from us. "I remember not making it particularly easy for you, pet," Spike glanced over at me, smiling sheepishly. "Apologies for being such a bloody drama queen."

"You were hurting," I said softly. "I don't blame you at all - in fact, I think you took it rather well."

Briefly, we walked in a comfortable silence, hands entwined, enjoying the feeling of skin upon skin.

I spoke again. "So, I have like, a million questions - but first… how come you just casually breezed into Willow's apartment? Are you guys like… pals now?"

"I, uh… I sorta live there."

"What?" I stopped in my tracks, utterly dumbfounded. "But… but your crypt -"

"- is still the finest bachelor pad you'll ever see, don't you worry, pet," he winked rakishly in my direction. "Crashing with Red… it's just a temporary sitch. Her, and little Bit… they've been, uh… taking care of me." He took another deep drag of his cigarette, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Taking care of you? Why - what happened?" I could hear the panic rising in my voice.

"To be fair, love, you'd probably still've been wigged out about me shacking up with the Witch, even without the whole time-travel malarky. Me and your gang - we've never exactly seen eye to eye. But…" he trailed off, seeming unsure about what his next words should be. He sighed. "Something happened. While you were away these past few months, I… I did something. And, well, it changed things, I guess. Made them all see me differently." He caught my eye, grinning. "Which worked out pretty sweetly… as you weren't around, and I… I needed looking after for a bit."

"Spike… what did you do?" I pulled him to a sudden halt, taking both his hands in mine and looking up at him worriedly.

"I'll tell you imminently, pet." He said softly, pressing an appeasing kiss to my palm. "But first… we need alcohol."

Fifteen minutes and two glasses of wine later (I flatly refused to drink Spike's bourbon), we were both sat cross-legged on the large embroidered rug - which held several deliciously naughty memories - in Spike's crypt.

"I was scared that, because I'd changed so much in the past," I lamented, draining my glass, "that I'd have lost all our memories here, and that our entire history would just be… gone."

Spike fluidly refilled my glass, holding my gaze intensely. "Aren't there some parts you'd've wanted to change, though? I certainly know I would…"

I thought for a second, taking a long, luxurious sip as I did so. "No." I spoke with unwavering certainty. "Because the good, the bad… the downright ugly," I winced at the memories of my not-so-finest moments, "it's all us. It's our story, Spike."

"Gotta say, pet, that's downright poetic," Spike smirked, his tone teasing.

"Shut it, you," I giggled, giving him a playful nudge. I gazed up at him, suddenly serious. "I just can't believe that barely anything has changed. As soon as I saw you… all the memories came flooding back. Everything still happened almost exactly as it was… but how? How did you keep our love a secret, for all these years?"

"Because you asked me to," Spike replied simply. I suddenly saw William's vulnerability etched in his eyes. I shuffled even closer to him, so he was a mere breath away.

"Tell me what happened, Spike. Since the day I left you in 1880 - I want to know everything."

"Okay," he set his empty glass down, before glancing thoughtfully at the remaining bottle. "Just gimme one second…" With surprising speed, he poured himself a fresh glass, and downed the entire thing in three seconds flat, before roughly wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Dutch courage, ya know," he grinned.

"Well, it's safe to say, you can definitely handle your drink better than when I last saw you," I teased playfully.

Spike blushed. Can vampires even blush?! "Hey now, my mother had just died - cut me some slack!"

"Aw, I'm sorry," I pulled him in for an appeasing, drunken kiss. He didn't seem to be complaining.

"Anyway, you were saying… dutch courage?"

"Yeah," Spike's eyes were downcast. "There's just a lot of things I'm not proud of… that you're not gonna want to hear."

"At this point, I think I can handle it," I said softly. I lifted his chin gently, so that his eyes met mine. "It's okay."

He took a deep, shuddering breath. "So… when I ran from you that night, I pretty much ran straight into the waiting arms of Dru. I was distraught, broken… sobbing my bleedin' heart out… and I… I distinctly remember thinking that I was quite alone in the world without you."

My heart ached at his words.

"Leaving you there was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

Spike rested a gentle hand on my shoulder, as if he were comforting me. "I know, love, I know. Anyhow, when Dru found me, I… well, part of me fixated upon what you'd told me 'bout the mysterious bint who would "change'" me, which would then be my ticket to a cozy reunion with you in the future - best case scenario. And the other part of me…" he trailed off, reaching up to gently caress my face. "Well, I 'spose I didn't really want to live, anyway. I was, frankly, uninterested in a life without you in it."

My eyes swam with tears. "Oh, Spike…"

"And whilst I spent the first few weeks of my undead existence moping around, heartbroken over you…" Spike paused, clearly having difficulty getting the words out. "The demon within me soon channelled this heartbreak into pure rage… violence… cheap, nasty evil… the thrill of the fight. And there was this… this nonsensical voice in my head, constantly telling me that if I hadn't been so weak, so simpering and so goddamn good - then maybe - just maybe… you'd have stayed."

Spike looked defeated, as if some small part of him still believed that to be true. Wordlessly, I pulled him into my arms, holding him close and tenderly stroking his hair.

"So, I guess this spurred me on to become as bad as bloody possible… which I did - the Big Bad, no less," Spike chuckled darkly. He raised his beautiful blue eyes to meet mine. "And Dru…" his smile was fond, reminiscing. "Well, she was my dark princess. My sire, my soulmate… or, so I told myself. We roamed the earth together for over a century, leaving a path of destruction wherever we went… and yeah, we loved each other - in our own fucked up way. But you… you were always in the back of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I'd see your face. Haunting me. Torturing me."

"When we met… were you really gonna kill me?" I asked in a small voice, knowing I couldn't reproach either answer.

Spike sighed, disentangling himself from my embrace. "You need to understand, Buffy… all the things I felt, seeing you for the first time - God, I can't even describe it. It'd been over a hundred years, remember - and to say I'd changed over time was a laughable understatement. You could even say I'd changed in every regard…" He slowly traced my cheek with his dexterous fingers, eyes burning. "Except one."

I exhaled sharply, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch.

"And the fact that you were the Slayer…" he let out a loud bark of laughter. "It really was too damn delicious. You know, killing Slayers was my kink, pet -" I reflexively jerked away from him. "- And I know that's not what you want to hear, and I'm sorry, I really am. I'm just trying to be completely honest here." His words were firm, yet his voice was soft and understanding.

"I know. It's just every time you mention all the other Slayers you've…" I trailed off, my visible shudder saying it all.

"I'm sorry, love." Spike's flawlessly handsome face shone with sincerity. "But point being, I'd come to Sunnydale keen for a hat-trick. Although, when I saw it was you… albeit a younger, High School cheerleader version of you," he smiled affectionately, "my whole world shattered. You were, and still are, my greatest weakness. God, the amount of times I dreamed of killing you… desperate to destroy the one thing that made me weak. But no matter how bloody hard I tried, you were still in here," his hand covered his heart, "and it may not've been beating, but it sure as hell kept you safe." He paused, his expression unreadable. "And I won't lie, pet, on top of all that… I did hate you too, probably as much as you hated me, at first. After all, I was an evil, soulless demon, and you were "the bitch who broke my heart", as I'd so eloquently put it." He let out a raw, sardonic chuckle, but then locked eyes with me, his face serious. "But, as much as I wanted to believe I could - truth is, I never could've killed you. Never."

"I can't believe it... the way we were, all this time…" I murmured, my words tinged with awe. "And the way I was - the way I treated you," I looked up at him with sad doe-eyes. "Back then, when we were sworn enemies… didn't you ever wanna use our past as like, ammo - a weapon against me? Why didn't you just tell me everything… to, you know, fuck with me?"

"What, and have the Slayer know that I used to be a lame, poncey mama's boy who wrote "bloody awful" poetry?" Spike laughed bitterly.

"You weren't any of those things," I said quietly. "You were a beautiful man, and a beautiful poet, Spike."

Spike's face softened. "Can't tell you how happy it makes my heart to hear you say that, pet. But at the time… I was ashamed, embarrassed of who I was. Hell, I'd been fighting against the 'William' in me for over a century, and I'd gotten pretty good at it. Besides, I didn't really know what I'd gain from blurting out mid-fight that you took my bloody human virginity…"

I couldn't help giggling at the ridiculous mental-image of said confession, and Spike flushed again, a wry grin playing on his lips.

"Yeah, I can't quite imagine how that would've played out…"

"Although, obviously, it was a lot harder to keep quiet when I realised I was still in love with you. Didn't take me bloody long, did it," Spike closed the minimal space between us to kiss me long and hard on the lips. I felt my insides turn to Buffy-flavoured jelly. "You were the one thing that brought old William back out, back to life... as much as I kept trying to beat him down. Dru, being the psychic bint she is, sensed it a mile off… 's why she left me; she said she could see you floating around me - that I was covered with you. Which I guess had always been true." Spike's seductive smirk told me that he didn't mind the mental-image too much. "But I won't lie, Buffy... it was hard. You rejecting me time and time again… saying I repulsed you, disgusted you - that you could never touch a soulless thing like me…"

I winced at the memory of my own cruel words, of me vehemently projecting my guilt for feeling what I felt for him, deep down.

"And it only got harder when you started to let me in… when our relationship - if you can even call it that - began, in all its toxic, twisted glory. To finally be holding you in my arms again, kissing you, making love to you… and yet, never really feeling close. Never like I did that night, when I was William and you were Elizabeth. I was waiting for you - the Buffy who loved me, who knew my heart - but the longer time went on, the more scared I was that you'd come back and... and change your mind. You kept telling me that you could never love me... and I guess I started to believe it." Spike said flatly, his eyes filled with sadness.

"I am not your girl!
You don't have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you.
You are dead inside - you can't feel anything real!
I could never be your girl…"

A sob ripped from my throat, as my mind was suddenly assaulted by the vivid memory of me hurling cold, cruel insults at Spike, whilst violently beating him senseless, as he just… let me. Letting me take it all out on him, wounding him with maliciously intermingled truth and lies - when really, those words were directed at myself. I was so terrified of what I felt for him - terrified that I was dead inside, and he was the only one who truly made me feel alive. So I took it all out on him, just like he'd asked me to.

Spike pulled me into his arms, holding me close and softly petting my hair, his low voice cooing and comforting in my ear.

"Shhh, my love. It's alright... I'm here."

I remembered my sheer horror, the naked pain I felt as the red mist subsided. His poor, battered face… utterly bloodied and bruised. My heart painfully lurched as I thought back to the moment where his features shifted from his game face, into... my William. How I'd hurt my sweet, darling William.

I cried into the silky material of Spike's shirt. I cried and cried, as if my heart would break. "I'm so sorry, William…" I wept. "I've... I've hurt you so much."

"You always hurt the ones you love, pet," Spike reassured me softly, stroking my hair. "Besides, we've both hurt each other - no one's to blame here. And Hell, I'd take every blow a thousand times over just to have the sweetness of holding you in my arms now."

I gazed up at him, a look of wonder washing over my features. "I don't deserve you…"

"In point of fact," Spike reached over to pour himself yet another glass of wine. "I've been bloody haunted by the fact that I don't deserve you for years upon years." He took a long swig of the plum-coloured beverage. "Which leads us to the big reveal you've been waiting for…"

I sat up straight, wiping my eyes as I stared at him apprehensively. "So, you're finally gonna put my mind at ease? After all this dramatic build-up, it's killing me not knowing what happened to you… I mean, whatever it is, it must've been deadly serious for you to forgo your crypt, of all things." I bit my lip worriedly.

"I do love this crypt." Spike graced me with one of my favourite lop-sided smiles. "Well, Buffy... d'you remember when you told me it was over for good?"

Ah, yes. That time when I ripped Spike's heart out single-handedly, which led to him allegedly killing again… a rumour which I guess I'll never know if it was just that: a rumour.

But yeah, that happened… and then - voila! That fucked up mission of mine... which now, apparently, never existed.

Fond , fond memories.

"Yeah, I remember."

"It just all seemed so final; you were so sure that you could never love me, and I…" Spike trailed off, his eyes flickering shut. I reached for his hand encouragingly. "I'd been telling myself that the Buffy I'd been waiting for, the Buffy who remembers would soon return, and that…" his voice rasped with emotion. "That I'd be loved."

"You are, Spike. You're so loved -"

"But… but what if you came back from our past, knowing what you knew… and you still said no? What if you still didn't want me?" Spike's words were tumbling out now, tears filling his lost, wounded eyes. "I was terrified that you'd just want your William, the William you met in 1880… and that I wouldn't be good enough - that I couldn't be the man you deserved."

"Oh, Spike," I breathed, my voice catching. "Listen to me, I... I fell in love with William because he was you. Have you any idea how much I missed you - how much I missed literally everything about you, when I was gone? Being with you, as William, it just made me realise that I'd been in love with you this whole time. I love you Spike - always have, and always will."

Spike's tears started to fall, as he smiled tremulously at me. "Really?"

"Really." I gently kissed his lips.

Spike happily returned my kiss; I felt his smile against my lips, before he pulled away. "Still, I wanted to be the man you fell in love with - or, at least as close as I could possibly get." He sniffed, hastily wiping away his tears. "Remember when I told you I'd go to the ends of the earth for you?"

I smiled fondly at the romantic, rose-tinted memory. "How could I forget?"

"Well… that's pretty much what I did."

I leaned forward in anticipation, my mind still etched with fear and worry.

"In a nutshell… I went all the way to Africa, ended up in a cave, chatted to a gnarly-looking Asphyx demon and completed a series of allegedly impossible trials. Only, they weren't actually impossible, 'cos I completed them, so..." he added smugly. "Aim was, to be rewarded with my ultimate desire. I was a bit worse for wear afterwards, but luckily the geezer fulfilled his end of the bargain."

I sat in captivated silence, as Spike watched me intently.

It can't be…

"I wanted to give you what you deserve."

Oh my God.

"Your soul." I breathed.

Spike's lips curved upwards. "Bit worse for lack of use."

So this is why the mission no longer existed. It suddenly all makes sense...

The one crucial change between the two timelines is that, instead of going on an alleged post-break up rampage, Spike - my William - he… he got his soul back.

Looks like our love really did change him. My God, his soul... his beautiful soul…

"You got your soul back… how? Why?" I knew the answers to both these questions, yet couldn't comprehend the magnitude of what he'd done. It was one thing for Angel to have his soul literally thrust upon him, but Spike… he sought it out - he actually fought for it.

"Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would never -" Spike's voice broke, and he looked away, as if in shame. "To be a kind of man."

"I can't believe you did this, Spike," I said softly, utterly awe-struck, my heart pounding with fierce love. "…for me." Once again, I felt hot tears wet my face.

I took his trembling form in my arms, adorning his face with endless adoring kisses. When I finally reached his lips, I kissed him soft and slow. After, I cradled his beloved face in my hands. He gazed at me with pure love and devotion etched in those achingly familiar azure eyes. My sweet William.

"You faced the monster inside of you, and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man… and you are. You are." Spike eagerly met my lips again, his happy tears mingling with mine. I stroked his face, smiling lovingly at the timid hope I saw in his eyes. "I believe in you, Spike. You're my champion."