Choices Matter

Chapter 21 -

It was late evening when Jack returned. Sam's eyes were closed but he knew she wasn't asleep. He sat beside her as her eyes slowly opened.

"Hey there beautiful."

"Hey, done for the day."

"Yeah, set up your debrief for 1300 tomorrow."

"Good, thank you."

"You know they're going to make you do a psychological evaluation too, right."

"I know the routine. It'll be fine."

"I know you will be." He put his hand on her sheet covered thigh. "I called Cassie and let her know you're back. She's doing well and you made it back well before her wedding."

"Has she picked out a dress?"

"She's been putting it off hoping you'd be here in time to go shopping. She mentioned something about coming home this weekend."

"I'll be happy to go along and help."

He grinned at her. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

He looked around before leaning forward and giving her a quick kiss. "Jack, we're in the mountain."

"I don't care. It's been too long." He sat back down. "Ready to tell me the stuff you didn't want to discuss with Daniel?"

"I didn't learn anything of strategic importance."

"You know that isn't what I mean." He rubbed her leg. "Wouldn't it be easier to tell me before you have to tell the shrink?"

He watched her pick at a hangnail. "I guess." She sighed. "They named their daughter Grace. She was beautiful."

"They?"

"The Jack and Sam in the third reality. She got pregnant while their minds were stamped."

"Oh." Jack looked down for a moment before looking back up at her sad profile. "But we didn't…"

"No, but they did." She bit her lip. "It's my fault we didn't. If we had we'd have a daughter and we would have been together for years."

"But everything else would have been wrong."

She shook her head as tears built in her eyes. "No, their only issue was the Lucian Alliance and they had a good hand on that. It meant she wasn't moving up in rank and he was still running the SGC, but wouldn't a daughter have meant more than a star?"

"Oh, Sam." He moved a lock of hair off her forehead. "You know if I could give you all that I would."

Sam sniffed. "I know and I know it's too late for me, but it was hard to see that she'd worked it out. It also meant that us getting together wouldn't have doomed the Earth to ruination. All those years where we put Earth before us might not have necessary."

"We can't change our choices."

"I can't help but wonder if that wasn't the whole point of this exercise, to show me that there's no reason to question what got me here."

"Seems like a long lesson for such a small point."

"Maybe they built it so they could see how other realities dealt with the plague."

"Must not have gotten them the answer they wanted."

"I guess not." She looked away from him again.

He reached up and gently ran his thumb along her jaw as he turned her head towards him. "What else?" She thought about where to start but decided the infirmary wasn't the right place to tell him what she'd really done to him.

"He was all alone in the last reality."

"The me of that reality?"

She nodded. "He lost me, Daniel, and Teal'c all at once. When the Wraith showed up, he wasn't able to save Cassie." She laid her hand on his. "He was just moving through each day."

"And then you showed up."

"Seeing me almost broke him." She swallowed. "He tried to hide it, but I could tell."

"And then he had to lose you again." She nodded as a tear slid down her cheek. He reached up and wiped it off. "I'm a lucky man."

She was questioned by representatives from the IOA and the Pentagon. After two days of relentless interviews she was allowed to leave the mountain and told to use the next month for physical therapy and mental evaluations. At that time, she would undergo mental and physical evaluations to determine if she could resume her position as commander of the SGC. Until then Jack would continue as base commander.

"Do we need to stop at the store on the way home?" Sam slid into the backseat so she could keep her leg out straight.

"Nope, I did it yesterday while you were busy. I even got a few of your favorites, including lots of jello." He closed the door and moved to the driver's seat.

"I hope there was a lot of meat on that grocery list."

"Meat?"

"I would really love a burger or a steak."

"Didn't you have a burger last night?"

"And?"

"Just unusual for you."

"The last reality had gone vegetarian because of a lack of meat."

He looked in the rearview mirror. "They didn't have meat? That is a horror story."

She snickered as he pulled out of the lot. "Where have you been living for the last few months?"

"Your house. I hope that's ok."

"Of course it is. I'd just been thinking."

"About?"

"Before I left, we'd been talking about you moving back here."

"Yeah." He glanced back at her again.

"I just wondered whether my house might be a bit cramped for you."

"I've made it work. Hopefully I haven't messed it up too much."

"It's home, I won't care what it looks like."

"I'm going to hold you to that." She snickered. "I mean it." He warned her.

When they got to her house, he helped her out of the car and handed her the crutches. He put a couple pillows under her leg as she settled on the sofa. "How about a diet soda?"

"That would be great, thank you."

He turned on the tv for her while he cleaned up a little. He went up to the master bath and made sure there was enough space on the counter for her. He looked around the bedroom and picked up a bit more before heading back down. He put two potatoes in the oven and took the marinated steaks out to grill on the deck. He topped off her drink when he came in to add the asparagus to the oven. When the steaks were done, he brought them in and made each of them a plate. He went back out and cleaned the grill before he sat down across from her in the living room.

"This is delicious, Jack. I'm impressed."

"Thought it was best to pull out all the bells and whistles for your first night back home." He smiled at her. "Anything in particular you want to watch? Jeopardy's about to come on. You can kick my butt."

"Not much challenge there, but sure."

"Low blow."

Jack cleaned up after Jeopardy finished. Sam watched him moving around the house and felt the lead stone sinking further into her gut. The guilt was eating at her. She flipped the television to a baseball game as Jack finished in the kitchen. He watched the game and kept one eye on her as she flipped through a magazine.

He was worried she was going to put a hole in her lower lip if she kept gnawing on it. "Ready to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Huh? Me? Nothing. I'm fine."

"Ok, good." He turned back to the tv.

"Really, I am."

"Ok."

"You don't believe me."

"Nope." Jack looked over at her again. "I've known you a long time, Sam. I know something's bothering you and I've spent the last three days waiting for the other shoe to drop. That doesn't mean you need to tell me before you're ready, but just know that when you are ready, I'm here."

Tears gathered in her eyes and fear gripped her. "Oh, Jack."

He got up and sat on the coffee table in front of her. He picked up her hand. "Sam?"

"I don't deserve you."

His brow knitted in confusion. "That's ridiculous."