Chapter Specific Characters: Mysterious Cloaked Figure, Gage Reeves
Chapter Specific Tags/Warnings: alternative self-harm, dream sequence
The methodical drip, drip, drip of liquid hitting stone roused Ash from his slumber and his eyes slowly opened. He was in a cave, deep underground. How he knew that, he wasn't sure. Ash sat up slowly. It was unusually warm inside the cave for being so deep underground and he'd been curled up on the warm cave floor. Slowly, Ash stood up. His legs shook but supported him. There was enough light in the cave for Ash to see but he couldn't tell where the light was coming from. It sort of just was. For some reason, that didn't strike him as odd and he began to walk further into the cave.
Ash was suddenly aware of a taste in the back of his throat now that he was more awake. It was sweet, bordering on sickening, but with a disgusting undertone like something rotten. When Ash tried to swallow, he realized his mouth was quite sticky. That wasn't concerning for some reason. Soon there was no light for Ash's eyes to reflect in order for him to see, but he kept walking, blind but not giving any thought to the familiar weight of his Pip-Boy on his wrist.
The feeling of moving further down was the only thing Ash could process for a time and just as the lack of stimulation began to weigh on him, he heard a sound. It was then that Ash realized he wasn't making any sound, his heels not clicking at all against the stone he was walking on. He stopped, ears straining to catch the noise again so he could identify it. After what felt like hours, it came again, far away and impossibly pleasant, a voice calling his name.
Suddenly Ash realized he was cold. It was like all the warmth in the cave had been collected and tossed into the area he'd woken up in and there was none left to fill the void he was now traversing. Well, there wasn't any going back, he could only go forward. Why? He didn't know that either. Continuing his descent, Ash's eyes were suddenly caught by something. Light. Faint and blue and thrumming. His steps quickened just a bit and the closer to the light he got, the warmer he got. Soon, he was bathed in dim blue light and felt pleasantly warm and then he finally saw something else, the source of the light.
Up ahead, there was a figure standing before an alter of stone so dark it appeared to pull light in and yet it also appeared to be emanating that blue light. The figure wore a black cloak that covered their body entirely and then they spoke his name again, much more clearly now that they were so close. "Ash." The voice was strong, deep, and decidedly feminine. It struck Ash as familiar even as he was certain everything about this situation was the most alien thing he'd ever experienced.
Still, Ash approached, unafraid even as he logically felt he should be. "What do you want?" He heard himself ask the question even as he was certain the sticky feeling in his mouth wouldn't have allowed him to speak. And what an odd question to lead with, anyway. Perhaps he hadn't asked it. It had been his voice, though. Well, what did it matter, he supposed.
"A harbinger." The cloaked figure replied, spreading her arms wide, the arms of the cloak still keeping any part of her hidden.
Suddenly Ash found himself lying atop the alter, the thrumming vibrating him down to his very bones but feeling oddly comforting. The warmth was much more intense up close, as well, almost unpleasant, but not quite due to the stone being absolutely frigid, like the light around the stone was warm but the stone itself could hold no warmth. "What's happening?" He asked, certain this time that his mouth hadn't moved even as he heard his voice echoing slightly within the cave.
"A blessing." The figure said, toneless and yet somehow comforting. "With it, you will become my harbinger."
"Why me?" Ash asked softly, the blue light slowly leaving the room along with the warmth. At first Ash thought it was being absorbed by the stone, but the stone wasn't getting any warmer. He was, though. Much warmer. The light was being absorbed by him.
"You are a force of destruction. You will wield my blessing as it is meant to be wielded. You will be a worthy harbinger."
The room was completely dark again and cold once more, but Ash felt like he was burning up. It wasn't uncomfortable, though. "What must I do?" He was certain he'd never phrase that question quite like that. Who was using his voice? Were his thoughts even his own? They did seem rather floaty. Almost-
"You must find me."
-dreamlike
Flinching hard, Ash's eyes shot open and he found himself wrapped in Gage's arms in their bed in Sanctum, exactly where he'd fallen asleep. His sudden jerk didn't disturb Gage at all and the only thing that happened when Ash slipped quietly from the bed was the older man taking a pillow hostage to replace the warm body he'd been snuggling. The sight made Ash want to smile, but the dream he'd been having since The Island was still fresh in his mind and made the action impossible.
Grabbing a can of water on the way out, Ash left the room and made his way briskly to Sanctum's gymnasium. He decided like he had pretty much every night that if he wasn't going to get any sleep, and he wasn't, there was no falling back asleep once the dream had woken him up, then he might as well exercise. Gaining his pre-war weight back was one thing, but Ash didn't want to get fat, even though Gage sometimes commented on how cute Ash would look with a belly. Sometimes Ash didn't understand his husband.
That thought put a bit of a smile on Ash's face even as he set his half-empty can of water on one of the benches against the wall and walked over to the large part of the gym set aside for synth training. There were only a few pieces of equipment or machines that had actually been meant to be used by the human inhabitants of the Institute. The part of the gym that Ash liked using was considerably more intense than the weight sets and treadmills on the other side of the gym.
A rock wall, monkey bars, rope swings, shifting platforms, and more all littered with booby traps were on or suspended above a thickly padded area for when someone inevitably got punched in the gut or lost their footing and fell from one of the sets. From what Ash had learned the one time he'd caught a synth in there cleaning it, it was to train agility, endurance, and reflexes. Ash just thought it was fun. More fun than running laps and lifting weights, anyway.
After lightly padding his hands so he wouldn't get rope burn when he got to that part of the course, Ash started on the rock wall. The machinery in the walls that powered the booby traps hummed to life the moment Ash got his weight onto one of the pegs coming out of the wall and provided a calming white noise for Ash to blank his mind with. He'd been punched by the rock wall before for not paying attention, after all, so a blank mind was best. The pistons that came out where padded, but that didn't mean much considering they came out so quickly that they bruised no matter what. Luckily he hadn't broken anything yet and a stimpak took care of the bruises so Gage never knew.
There was a click far too close to Ash and he quickly moved to his left, narrowly avoiding getting punched in the ribs. Continuing left and upwards and dodging many more punches, Ash eventually made it to the rope swings. If he hesitated too long jumping from the wall to a rope, he'd get punched right in the gut so, even though he was already breathing fairly hard, Ash jumped, catching a rope and sliding a bit before he got enough of a grip to halt his momentum.
Huffing softly, Ash started swinging, transferring ropes until he finally got close enough to the shifting platforms to dismount. The first platform slid a little on its track and Ash wobbled, but he carried on. Standing for too long on the platforms triggered more booby traps, these ones designed to trip or throw. The next platform spun but it only took a single rotation for Ash to get off and onto the next one which tilted dangerously to one side the moment his feet landed on it. He fell, landing hard on his ass on the padding under the platforms.
After laying there for a minute, Ash got up and started again, shaking off his slightly sore arms before starting to scale the rock wall. He was more than halfway across when he took too long to plot his next course and got a grazing punch to his jaw, just hard and sudden enough to make him lose his balance and fall from the wall. Ash could feel himself starting to get annoyed but he got up, starting at the wall again.
Anger fueling him, Ash made it to the platforms again, the first one being the one that tilted dangerously now. He didn't fall that time, though, jumping just before his feet could start sliding and making it to a platform that dipped and sprang back up when he landed on it. The momentum almost sent him flying, but he dropped into a crouch in time to catch his footing. Then he heard a click and had to move quickly to the next platform before the one he was on tried to throw him.
Finally making it past the platforms after a couple more close calls, Ash leapt from the platforms and to the monkey bars. His hands almost slipped but he clenched his fists tightly at the last second and managed to get moving before the pistons in the wall punched out to hit where he'd been. Once he was past the monkey bars, Ash's arms were sore, he was breathing heavily, and covered in thin sheen of sweat, but he wasn't done yet. Going from the monkey bars to a platform barely wide enough to support him, Ash started on the next part of the course.
Pedestals ranging from the size of a dinner plate to a teacup were spread out, some within stepping range, some in jumping range, all at slightly different heights and set to first shake and then collapse if they were stepped on for too long. Ash made it halfway through before miscalculating a jump and landing too close to the edge of one of the pedestals. He wobbled and couldn't catch his balance before the pedestal itself started to shake. Losing his balance, Ash fell to the floor, his ass joining the collection of sore parts of his body as it hit the thick padding once again.
Unbeknownst to Ash as he restarted, Gage was watching from the doorway, having been watching since the beginning. From where Gage was, Ash looked tired, almost exhausted, but he also looked so determined to reach the end of the course, whichever part of the course that was. On the one hand, Gage wanted to interrupt him, stop him before he hurt himself from pushing too hard, and on the other hand, Ash probably needed this. In the end, for the moment at least, Gage decided to keep watching.
After almost wiping out on the platforms twice and then on the pedestals again, Ash made it to the rings hanging from ropes on the ceiling. Unlike the other ropes, which got shorter and further apart the longer he stayed on one, these ones were set to open their rings if they were held for too long. Luckily, they were all about the same distance apart so it was really just a matter of being fast enough and getting his blurry vision to focus.
By some miracle, despite feeling like he was going to drop from how hard his heart was beating, Ash made it to the final part of the course. A laser grid that flashed on the moment Ash stepped onto the rubber mat marking the start. Most of the lasers were red and those ones burned if he touched them. Touch three red lasers and the grid shut off. Some of the lasers, though, were green, and those ones triggered the grid to change, almost guaranteeing that he would get hit by at least one red laser once the grid was rearranged. Ash had never hit more than one green laser before having the course shut off on him, so he didn't know if there was a limit to those.
There wasn't any taking his time on this one either because the longer the course detected someone was using it, the more lasers turned green. Almost immediately Ash got burned by a red laser and bit back a curse. It didn't hurt that bad despite being hot enough to leave a mark, but that meant he could only hit one more before having to start over. Trying to move carefully but quickly, Ash got halfway across before losing his balance while trying to support the bulk of his weight on his shaky arms and hit a green laser. The grid changed and Ash instantly got his by three red lasers at once on different parts of his body, the course shutting off before he even had a chance to hiss in pain.
Dropping down, Ash groaned loudly. Could he take another go around? Rolling over and holding his arms up, Ash watched them tremble for a bit before dropping them. His heart was also beating really fast, a mix of adrenaline and exhaustion making it hurt a bit. That wasn't even to mention how sore his legs were. Letting out a shaky breath, Ash got up and moved back to the rock wall, shaking his hands off again before picking a place to start. Before he could even grab the wall, his legs were swept out from under him and he was being carried away from the course.
"Nope." Gage said, not seeming to care how sweaty Ash was as he carried him from the gym.
"Wh- Gage, what are you-?" Ash started, trying to wiggle out of Gage's arms.
"Stoppin' you from hurtin' yourself." Gage interrupted while shifting Ash so he was carrying him over his shoulder instead of in his arms. "Shakin' like a fuckin' leaf and tryin' to start that shit up again. You'd've been lucky to even get your little ass up onto that wall again let alone across it." He said, walking up the stairs while Ash struggled weakly in his grip. "And then what? You'd've tried to start again? How hard ya gotta be shakin' before you listen to your own body?" Gage demanded, making it to their room and depositing Ash onto the couch much less gently than he could have.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Gage matched Ash's glare. "You can't keep exhaustin' yourself every night cuz you have a bad dream. That's gonna make you sloppy and you're gonna get us both killed." Gage had been gently prying for weeks since their visit to Dr. Amari, trying to get Ash to tell him what his dream was about and backing off every time because Ash got weird about it and it didn't seem worth an argument, but enough was enough.
Glare faltering, Ash looked away from Gage. That unstable part of his mind was screaming at him to fire back, to use his words where he knew they would hurt Gage the most and it was taking alot not to listen. Logically he knew Gage was right, but Ash had never been logical. He'd been ruled by his emotions, or lack thereof, all his life, and his emotions were angry at being manhandled and annoyed at being scolded and frustrated that Gage didn't understand that it wasn't just a dream, it was more.
Sitting up slowly, Ash scooted as far away from Gage as the couch would allow and continued to glare at the cushions, trying hard to get a handle on himself. He pulled his sore legs up to his aching chest and held them with his trembling arms and knew again, logically, that Gage was right. This was just another form of self-harm that he'd been losing himself in since he didn't know how to deal with the uneasy, sometimes dreadful, feelings the dream always left him with.
Luckily, it seemed Gage recognized a brewing tantrum when he caused one and he waited quietly while Ash fought himself down. Eventually he was feeling stable enough to not instantly go for the throat and let out a slow breath. "You don't understand." He mumbled into his arms, still refusing to look at Gage. "I've been having nightmares since I thawed out. I can ignore nightmares. This is different."
"Different how?" Gage pressed, his voice considerably more gentle as he sat down facing Ash. "If you'd just tell me what the damn dream is about, I might be able to help."
Scoffing more harshly than he'd meant to, which made him flinch, Ash shot Gage a glare, the look only a little less harsh than withering. "So you're a therapist now?" He asked sarcastically, stuck firmly between still angry and already regretting his tone.
Giving Ash a tired look, Gage reached out but thought better of it at the last minute and retracted his hand, sighing. "I'm just tryin' to help you. You know that."
Getting nudged more towards regretting his tone, Ash looked away again, chewing the inside of his cheek a bit before speaking again. "I know." He mumbled, tone gentler now. "I-I'll tell you about the dream. Just- let me get cleaned up first. Clear my head." Ash glanced up, getting a nod from Gage and slowly unfurling to head to the bathroom.
Under the too-hot spray of the shower, Ash was able to think somewhat clearly. He understood why Gage was so concerned, really he did, but he couldn't imagine that talking about the dream was going to make anything better. Still, he'd been acting like a brat and Gage didn't deserve that. Gage really deserved better than him. Shaking his head before he could convince himself to do something stupid, Ash quickly finished scrubbing the sweat from his body and cut the water off. Gage had chosen him like Ash had chosen Gage, there wasn't any room for deserving better. 'Til death do they part and all that.
Nodding firmly to himself in the mirror after he'd dried off, Ash suddenly realized his eyes looked sunken, the skin under them dark from lack of sleep. Frowning deeply, Ash looked into his own eyes for a bit before sighing and looking away. Even though it was highly unlikely to change anything let alone actually help, it was time. Leaving the restroom, Ash pulled on a baggy pair of pants and joined Gage on the couch, turning about and laying his head on the older man's lap before he could say anything.
"Pet me?" Ash asked softly, glancing up at Gage long enough to see his look of surprise morph into an uncertain smile. Once Gage started running his fingers through his still-damp hair, Ash closed his eyes and tried to relax. "So, the dream always starts with me waking up inside a cave." He started, keeping his eyes closed for the entire retelling and only opening them once he'd finished. "And then I wake up."
Frowning, Gage nodded slowly. "That's definitely- different." He muttered, still running his fingers through Ash's hair, almost unconsciously at this point.
"No kidding." Ash muttered back, still not looking at Gage even though his eyes were open. "I mean, it has to mean something, right? It started when my eyes started glowing and it's been happening since." He said, frowning deeply. "But at the same time, dreams are just dreams. They can't mean something, that's stupid." Ash knew he was raising his voice, but Gage had pulled the pin from the grenade, as it were, and he couldn't really stop himself. "And if it does mean something, why me? What would chose someone like me as their "harbinger"? There has to be someone else more qualified! I'm just-" A sharp tug on his hair made Ash shut up and look up at Gage in confused surprise.
"Calm down, darlin'." Gage said softly, running his hand gently over Ash's head to soothe the sting of getting his hair pulled. "The dream started happenin' when we went to The Island, so maybe it was just somethin' one of those Children of Atom nuts said that triggered it."
Letting out a slow breath, Ash nodded a bit. That made sense. Yeah, that- "Wait, I had the dream the night we first went to The Island, that was before we met the Children." Ash contradicted, brow furrowing again. He watched as Gage seemed to be going over the timeline in his head and then he frowned too.
"Shit. You're right." He mumbled, scowling a bit and looking like he was racking his brain.
"Maybe the Children were onto something." Ash muttered, looking away when Gage looked down at him incredulously. "The one said I was blessed by Atom and I haven't reacted to radiation the same since my eyes started glowing. Maybe-maybe Atom's real?" He whispered the last part, looking up at Gage again and frowning when he didn't look as certain as he'd been hoping.
"I mean- I guess it wouldn't be the weirdest thing I ever heard." Gage mumbled, scratching at his stubble in contemplation. "I, uh- that is-" He made a frustrated sound, pursing his lips a bit before just spitting out what he was trying to say. "D'ya believe in ghosts?"
Snorting, Ash started to laugh but quickly stopped and shrunk back a bit when Gage shot him a look and he realized he was serious. "No? I mean, come on, Gage. Ghosts? I'm having a hard enough time with maybe-divine beings over here."
Sighing, Gage looked away, looking annoyed. "Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I seen a ghost before. I know they exist." He grumbled, removing his hand from Ash's head when he sat up.
"Where?" Ash asked, curious now as he faced Gage.
"There's this old "haunted house" back in Nuka-World. It's mostly just stupid, not even the kinda thing that'd scare a kid, but I went there one time on a stupid dare and-" Gage paused, frowning and rubbing the back of his neck. "-and there was this little girl. The whole time she stayed a step ahead of me and the idiots I was there with. We finally reached the end, me expectin' to find some little dumbass kid the others'd paid to spook me, but-" He sighed, looking over at Ash and looking a mix of embarrassed and annoyed. "She vanished. Disappeared behind a door with a brick wall behind it. The idiots I was with were as shaken up as I was and we turned that fuckin' house inside-out lookin' for some fancy pre-war shit to explain it." Gage looked away again, shaking his head. "Didn't find shit. I ain't been back since."
"Huh." Ash breathed, sitting back and slowly running a hand through his hair. "So- if ghosts are real- maybe radiation gods are real too."
"If I was gonna believe any god let the war happen in the first place, I'd believe it was a radiation god." Gage muttered, slumping against the couch and only feeling slightly better when Ash crawled into his lap and hugged him. He hugged him back and there was a moment or two of silence where both men were trapped in their own head before Ash spoke up.
"So I think I know where to find the woman from my dreams." He mumbled, looking up and catching Gage's concerned gaze. "Whenever I'm in the cave, it never strikes me as odd or unfamiliar. Nothing about the dream does while I'm in it." Ash swallowed, looking away and worrying his lip a bit. "I think she wants me to find her in the sinkhole I created when I blew up Vault 111." He said, carrying on before Gage could say anything. "I mean, that was the first time I ever personally did anything involving nukes, so if she's really Atom, it- makes sense?" Ash finished, frowning deeply. None of this made sense.
"Would it make you feel any better if we checked it out?" Gage asked, his tone much more calm and much less- well, Gage-y, than Ash had expected.
"Yeah." Ash mumbled, looking up Gage as he nodded.
"Well, get dressed, then." He said, standing once Ash got off his lap.
"Wait, right now?" Ash asked, going over to the nightstand and checking his Pip-Boy. "It's three in the morning."
"Well you ain't sleepin' 'til we figure this shit out and I ain't sleepin' 'til I get my snuggle partner back, so yeah, right now." Gage replied, already pulling his jeans on.
Smiling a little despite himself, Ash didn't say anything and instead started getting dressed. He definitely had mixed feelings about all this. On the one hand, he hoped he was wrong. That the only thing on that hill near Sanctuary was a sinkhole where a vault used to be. No gods or anything else unexplainable. On the other hand, if it meant finally getting a good night's sleep, maybe meeting a god and receiving her blessing down in a sinkhole wouldn't be so bad.
Either way, Ash and Gage were ready to go in no time and left, fully bundled to protect against how cold it would be in the wee hours of the morning this late in November. Ash relayed them to Sanctuary since he wasn't sure how the hill where Vault 111 had been looked since he'd nuked it. For all he knew, the ground up there wasn't even stable enough to walk on. Flicking on his Pip-Boy light, Ash started to lead the way. They were about to find out, he supposed.
They passed over the rickety little bridge that crossed over the creek that wrapped around Sanctuary and Ash slowed his pace as they started up the hill to Vault 111. The ground felt stable underneath him but he still tried to tread lightly. Once they reached the top of the hill, it became obvious to Ash that it was alot shorter than it used to be. The top was caved in, the loosened dirt and rock having swallowed all the machinery and cargo crates that used to sit at the top of the hill. Finding that while the soil was still pretty loose, it was at least safe to walk on, Ash led the way to the hole where the elevator to Vault 111 used to be.
"God damn." Gage said, letting out a whistle as he got as close as he dared to the edge of the hole and peered down into the abyss. "You really did a number on this place."
"Yeah." Ash muttered, also looking into the hole and noting how the way everything had collapsed really should've filled the hole in at least somewhat. In fact, the vault was pretty far down. Given the amount of surface damage, Ash felt strongly that the crater they were standing near really should be much deeper. That left three explanations. He had no idea how explosions worked. Vault 111 was still structurally sound enough to be holding up the ground above it yet wrecked enough to allow this much surface damage. Or, the stupidest explanation, there was a god down there waiting patiently to make him her harbinger and she was the reason the hill wasn't more totaled.
While Ash was pondering if this was really his life now, Gage was walking around the hole. "Hey! The ladder is still here!" He called from the other side, looking down into the abyss. "Think it goes all the way down still?" He asked, looking up as Ash joined him.
"This is fucking stupid." Ash mumbled, running a hand through his hair and pulling it hard instead of answering Gage's question. "There has to be a reason the fucking ladder survived. This can't be divine intervention. Gods don't exist." He was babbling and probably would've carried on doing so if Gage wouldn't have grabbed his shoulder firmly.
"Come on." Gage said softly, turning and lowering himself down onto the ladder.
Eyes widening, Ash dropped to his knees and grabbed Gage's shoulder. "You can't go down there! There's no way it's structurally sound!"
Scoffing, Gage shrugged Ash's hand off, looking at him in amusement. "Look at you bein' the voice of reason." He teased, smiling more when Ash blushed and looked mildly horrified. "Come on." Gage repeated, lowering himself a bit before Ash grabbed him again.
"Here." Ash said, taking off his Pip-Boy when Gage looked up at him. "At least put this on. It's gotta be dark down there and if you're gonna lead, you're gonna be the one descending into it."
Holding up his arm so Ash could snap his Pip-Boy in place, Gage nodded. "Thanks, darlin'." He said softly, smiling at Ash before continuing down. "Now come on. If Atom's really waitin' at the bottom of this fuckin' hole, I'm gonna give it a piece of my mind for disturbin' my sleep schedule."
"You're not you when you're tired, Gage." Ash replied, surprised at how Gage was behaving even as he mounted the ladder and started his own descent. His arms and legs were still sore from his earlier work-out, but Ash was practically an expert at ignoring the protests of his body in the pursuit of what he wanted so he didn't pay it any mind. If he lost his balance and fell, he'd probably die, and that was the ultimate sleep, so he'd get what he wanted either way. Gage would be sad, but Ash would be dead so that wouldn't be his problem.
Realizing with some sadness that none of those thoughts were comforting, Ash tried not to think while he climbed. Once upon a time those thoughts would've filled him with a morbid peace of mind like nothing else, but now they just made him sort of sad. One of the downfalls of having a reason to live, he supposed.
A suspiciously short amount of time later, Ash heard the crunch of boots on gravel and frowned, looking down and indeed seeing that Gage was done climbing. Releasing the ladder, Ash fell the remaining few feet, landing with a plume of dust on his knees. He straightened up and swept himself off, looking up and seeing that the surface was but a speck of light due to how far away it was. "Gage-"
"Yeah." Gage answered, sounding unnerved. "It seemed short to me too."
"This is fucking stupid!" Ash complained loudly, two strong hands keeping his own hands from going to his hair.
"I know it is." Gage sighed, spinning Ash around and cupping his cheek gently. "But we're already down here, so we might as well look around."
Sighing shakily, Ash nodded slowly. "You're right." He whispered, stopping Gage when he started to take his Pip-Boy off. "Keep it. I can see without it."
"Right." Gage said, having forgotten that Ash could see in the dark now. He looked around and then looked to Ash again. "Anythin' about this strikin' you as familiar?"
"No." Ash mumbled, walking further into the hole and finding a tunnel. It was just tall and wide enough that Ash didn't start to panic when he stepped inside of it and he let out an unhinged laugh at that. "I'm gonna have a breakdown." He mumbled, looking over when Gage grabbed his hand and held it firmly. Ash looked over but his husband looked determined and started walking into the tunnel. Letting out a breath that was meant to be calming, it wasn't, Ash started walking as well, quickly catching up to Gage and walking close beside him.
Sure enough, much to Ash's still very mixed feelings, a blue light eventually appeared in the darkness, cutting through the purple glow of his Pip-Boy. There was a click and all that was left was the blue glow. When the glow got brighter, the geiger counter on the Pip-Boy started to go off and both Ash and Gage stopped. Before Gage could even check how much radiation he was actually taking, Ash was slinging off his backpack and taking out his respirator and a bottle of Rad-X.
After passing the pills to Gage, Ash gave him a can of water and put the bottle away after Gage had taken two. Then, once Gage had fastened his respirator, Ash took his hand again and they carried on. Ash hoped he wasn't putting too much stock in Dr. Amari's diagnosis that he was immune to radiation now since he was deciding not to take any precautions, but he supposed he'd just have to break into his supply of Rad-Away if he actually started to feel sick.
The geiger counter's clicking got more intense and just as Gage was starting to think he'd need to put on his hazmat suit, Ash froze. Looking over, Gage realized Ash was looking ahead and he did the same, feeling his heart drop to his balls when he saw a cloaked figure standing before a large slab of stone. The figure appeared to look right at him and Gage's world instantly went black.
Eyes widening as Gage started to fall, Ash did his best to lower him to the floor gently and then frantically checked his Pip-Boy to make sure it was still picking up Gage's vitals. It was. He was still alive. Letting out a relieved puff of air, Ash straightened up and glared at the figure behind the alter. "What the fuck?" He demanded, any fear he might've felt upon first seeing the eerily familiar sight gone the moment the figure messed with Gage. "I don't know who or what you are, but if you hurt my husband-"
"Calm, Ash." The figure said, voice that weirdly calming toneless one from his dreams. "I have witnessed your devotion to that man, I would not harm him. Your will is strong and I would have to break you before you accepted my blessing if I did such a thing. A broken harbinger would do me no good. I have simply put him to sleep. He cannot witness you receiving my blessing."
Deflating somewhat, Ash frowned at the figure. "You're alot more wordy than you are in my dreams."
"Dreams are shorter than they seem. I try to be brief." The figure explained, making Ash hum.
"That makes sense I guess." He muttered, deciding that that was probably why he was never allowed to talk in his dreams. Suddenly realizing something, Ash knelt beside Gage and checked his Pip-Boy, switching around until he found the tab that told him how much radiation Gage's body was actually absorbing. Eyes widening, Ash flung his bag off and started to hunt for a Rad-Away. He was taking in too many rads even with the pills and the respirator. Ash wouldn't be able to get the answers he wanted in the time Gage had.
"Ash." The figure called, if you could call the unchanging volume and tone a call, making Ash pause and look at her. "I offer your husband a blessing as well. If you accept the one I have for you, it will make you fairly dangerous to him. Allow me to bless him and it will make him immune to your new gifts and to the radiation that permeates your world."
Hesitating, Ash looked down at Gage. "I-I can't make that decision for him, that-"
"You must. He will not wake until he leaves this place."
Frowning deeply, Ash looked between the figure and Gage a few times before nodding jerkily. "Alright. Just-just do it." He said, looking away from Gage. Hopefully Gage would understand. Hopefully he wouldn't be too mad. Nothing special seemed to happen but the figure spoke up after a moment.
"It is done."
Grabbing Gage's limp arm again, Ash checked the tab and saw that Gage indeed wasn't absorbing any of the rads making the Pip-Boy click. Letting out a sigh of relief, Ash removed the device from his husband mostly so it would shut up and shoved it into his bag. He then did his best to position Gage so he wouldn't be too sore when he woke up and finally walked over to the alter, feeling the warmth in the air as he approached. "So- what does the blessing you're trying to give me do, anyway?" He asked, looking up at the figure and finding he couldn't see her face just like in the dreams. She remained completely cloaked in shadow despite the light coming from the stone.
"Its full power and what it can be used for is up to you and your imagination respectively, but it will allow you to store the radiation around you and release it at will. As a general rule, the more radiation you have stored, the more powerful what you create with it will be when you release it." The figure replied, the perfect mix of cryptic and helpful to keep Ash's feelings on her thoroughly mixed.
"So I could be a bomb?" Ash asked, nodding a bit when the figure nodded once. "Why me?" He asked, looking at the figure again. "I know in my dreams you always say it's cuz I'm destructive, but there's gotta be more to it. There's plenty of destructive people out there. Some of them probably even believe in you, no offense, so why me? Why a heretic?"
"I am not Atom." The figure said plainly, making Ash frown in confusion. "I am known by most of the Children of Atom as The Mother. I am but one of Atom's servants."
"Atom is real then?" Ash asked, feeling increasingly uncertain that he wasn't just having a hallucination or a seizure or something.
"Atom is as real as any one mortal believes." The figure replied cryptically, opening her arms. "Now, lie down, Ash, and I shall show you exactly why you are fit above even Atom's most devout to bear this blessing."
Hesitating, Ash shot one last glance to Gage and then took a deep breath. Bracing himself for the cold, Ash climbed up onto the alter and found that it was exactly as frigid as he remembered. He shuddered lightly at the cold but quickly got used to it thanks to the warmth of the light. Once he was as comfortable as he would get lying on a rock, the figure lowered her arms.
"Many witnessed the day Atom's light cleansed this world." She started, Ash certain he was hallucinating now as he saw a vision of the day the bombs fell. "Those people were forever changed by that moment. Most would condemn that day, few would not, but only one would repeat it." Now Ash saw himself, he had a head full of grey hair and he was considerably more wrinkled, but it was still clearly him, sitting on the roof of a tall building, his feet dangling off the edge. He was holding a cylindrical device in his hand and his finger hovered over the little red button on the top before pressing it. There was a flash that Ash knew should've burned his eyes and then he bore witness to a front row view of the world being engulfed by nuclear hellfire for a second time.
Eventually the vision faded off and Ash blinked rapidly a few times, looking at the figure. "I- that's my future?" He asked quietly, shocked and disbelieving.
"It is one of many possible outcomes for your future. My blessing will neither make it any more or less likely to come out that way, do not worry." The figure replied, calm as ever. "However, it is the possibility that, even knowing what such a thing would do, what it has already done, you would unleash Atom upon the world again that makes you worthy of my blessing."
"Oh." Ash breathed, nodding slowly. "I guess that makes as much sense as any of this does."
"You will accept my blessing then?" The figure asked, Ash looking at her and nodding slowly again.
"Yeah." He muttered, immediately starting to feel warmer as the light in the room started being absorbed by his body. He looked back up at the darkness between him and the roof of the cave but then his head tilted so he could see Gage. "What makes me blow the world up?" Ash asked softly after a bit, not even sure that the figure would tell him but deciding to ask anyway. In movies or books the mystical being never gave out details like that, but this wasn't a movie or a book, it was real life, so it was worth a shot.
"You live a long, happy life with your husband. He dies eventually, but you find peace with that after an appropriate amount of mourning and live until almost eighty even without him. Then one day you discover you are poised to die soon from the same aggressive, incurable cancer that would have taken your brother had you not taken him instead. Unwilling to "go down like a bitch", you decide that the world will die with you."
Unable to help it, Ash snorted out a laugh, head lolling around again to look at the figure. "That does kinda sound like me." He admitted, looking back at the darkness and sighing softly. The light was almost gone now. "What happens once the light is gone?"
"You will have fully received my blessing. I will send you and your husband back to your home. He will wake up and you will both choose your path from there." The figure replied, the last bit of the light dwindling and Ash's body feeling like it was burning up. "You will no longer have the dreams, but you will never fully be rid of me. Whether you believe or not, Atom will now be a part of you until you die."
Nodding slowly, Ash closed his eyes. When he opened them again, it was because Gage was shaking him lightly and saying his name. "Oh, thank god." Gage muttered, falling back on his ass when Ash's eyes opened. "You ain't dead."
"Not yet." Ash muttered, sitting up slowly and looking himself over. He didn't look any different. He felt a bit warmer, but he didn't feel like he was burning up anymore and other than that, he didn't feel any different.
"What-what happened?" Gage asked, searching Ash's face and finding nothing other than his weird calmness to be worried about. "I think I blacked out."
"Oh, yeah." Ash said, looking at Gage. "She said you couldn't watch me receive her blessing so she knocked you out, I guess."
"Well, what happened after she knocked me out?" Gage asked, frowning. Why was Ash so calm? He was freaking out, shouldn't Ash be freaking out?
"We talked. She answered my questions and then she gave me her blessing. It-it was sort of anti-climactic, actually." Ash replied, frowning a bit. "I mean, I guess it was always anti-climactic in the dream, but still. She didn't even say bye, just sent us on our way once it was all over."
Huffing out a relieved laugh, Gage ran a hand over his mohawk. "There you are." He muttered, smiling when Ash looked at him in confusion. "You were actin' funny. I was kinda worried, but you're the only whack job I know who'd be so focused on how anti-climactic your meetin' with- well, whatever the hell that thing was instead of focusin' on the fact that the meetin' happened in the first place."
Smiling a little himself, Ash looked away. "Fair." He muttered, suddenly frowning and looking at Gage again. "Something else did happen, actually." Ash said softly, looking away when Gage looked at him in concern. "When we were talking, I realized you were still taking rads and I was gonna get you set up with a Rad-Away but then she said she had a blessing for you too. I-I didn't wanna cuz you weren't awake, but she said you'd be in danger around me if I didn't and she couldn't wake you up, so I just told her-" Ash stopped, having to take a breath as he hadn't since "when". "I let her make you immune to radiation. You-you're one of Atom's chosen now."
Sighing in relief, Gage laughed, shaking his head. "Is that all? Jesus, ya scared me." He said, frowning a bit when he realized how bothered Ash looked. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Are you mad?" Ash asked softly, glancing up at Gage and seeing that he just looked confused.
"Why would I be mad?" Gage asked, reaching for Ash and gently putting a hand on his knee. When Ash's hand went for his arm, he tensed, ready to tackle Ash if he had to to keep him from mutilating himself. Ash didn't start scratching though so Gage just watched him.
"Because I let her do that to you without your consent!" Ash shouted, not looking at Gage anymore. "It was a violation of your autonomy! I-"
"Ash." Gage interrupted, taking Ash's hand and removing it from his arm before he could do anything. "I ain't mad."
The words took a bit to process and when they did, Ash looked a mix of confused and cautious as he looked at Gage. "You-you're not?" He asked quietly, dropping his head onto Gage's shoulder when he pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around him tightly.
"No, darlin'. If some cosmic entity woulda told me that the only way to make sure you'd be safe around me was to let it give you a blessin', I prolly woulda said yes too." Gage said, kissing Ash's head lovingly. "I'm just glad we're both alright."
Sighing in relief, Ash nuzzled into Gage's neck and hugged him tightly. "Me too." He whispered, suddenly laughing softly and pulling away to look at Gage. "I'm tired."
"Fuck, me too." Gage huffed, letting Ash up and standing as well. "Let's go the fuck to sleep."
Smiling, Ash stripped down to his underwear, Gage stripping as well, and climbed into bed beside Gage, snuggling close to him like he always did and closing his eyes. "Night, love." He mumbled, already feeling sleep starting to claim him.
"Night, darlin'." Gage mumbled back, falling asleep a moment later.
And for the first time in a little over a month, both Ash and Gage slept soundly.