Author's Note: Warning! This chapter contains: panic attack. Please read responsibly! For a detailed explanation of where this trigger will occur, please see the end notes! And so the aftermath of Kuma begins. The Strawhats wait for news that Zoro will be okay and Vivi is finally willing to seek out help. Waiting is the hardest thing to do and without any knowledge of the past, Vivi has no way to keep the future on track. Sabaody lingers on the horizon everyone! The only question is if Zoro's truly done anything to change it. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter Twenty: Vivi
"Oi! Everyone!" An unfamiliar voice shouts. "Are you all alive?"
"He must have thought we all died in that attack and left. We're saved!"
Something sharp digs into her back. Vivi groans, forcing her eyes open. Her face itches beneath the sticky substance that's started to dry there. Something heavy sits on her right leg, her ribs pound and dig into her. Rocks clatter as she moves her arm, rolling herself to the side, and she sits up, looking around.
Bright sunlight spills over the ruins of a destroyed building. Vivi blinks, trying to place her surroundings. Everything looks unfamiliar. Foreign. She puts a hand to her forehead, trying to tame the headache slamming into her skull.
More cement clatters as the debri to her left moves. Blonde and black move themself up. Then, blue eyes.
"Vivi-chan." Sanji coughs. "Are you alright?"
The crew. Kuma. Zoro.
Gasping, Vivi spins to look. One by one, her nakama begin to pull themselves free of the ruined castle. Usopp helps Nami up while Chopper rushes to check on Luffy, who has yet to move. Franky, Robin, and Brook help dig out Lola's crew. Not a flash of green. No low grumbles. No Zoro.
Vivi tries to stand but the pressure on her right leg holds her in place and she hits the ground again before she gets very far.
"Vivi-chan, hold on."
Sanji appears again, driving his foot into the large boulder on her leg and it flies away. Then, he kneels down beside her, hand up in a calming gesture. His right arm is still secure in its sling. A small blessing in and of itself. His suit is torn, red blood staining his golden hair and blue shirt. The beginning of a bruise blossoms across his jaw line and concern fills his gaze.
"Are you alright?" Sanji asks, reaching to touch her face where blood is drying to her skin. "How bad are your injuries?"
"Where's Zoro?" she asks.
Sanji's brow furrows, blinking in surprise and then he looks around them, eyes scanning closely. Realization widens his eyes and he stands, turning in a slow circle. Vivi's heart pounds. Each breath comes out in a panicked huff.
"Oi!" Sanji calls. "Marimo?"
The noise around them stops, all eyes turning to Sanji. The horror on his face makes Vivi want to vomit.
"Zoro!" Sanji's shout borders on a scream, echoing in the air around them. "Oi, Zoro! Answer me!"
The rest of the crew scramble upward, all of them crying the swordsman's name. Even Lola's crew begin rushing to dig through the rubble, all of them searching for him. Vivi pushes herself up as Sanji bolts off to begin kicking debris out of the way, eyes scanning desperately for something. Anything.
Red. Black. White. The color peeks out from the gray. She stumbles to them, dropping down to touch the red ribbon on the white sword's hilt. A sob fights its way out of her chest. Zoro would never leave his swords behind.
Coldness swirls around her. Pressure that slams into her back, hard and fast. Fear and guilt and anger. She should have said something. Should have stopped this. No matter how much she trusts Zoro to protect his nakama, she never should have trusted him to protect himself.
"Vivi-san."
Vivi jumps at Brook's voice. The skeleton stares down at her for a moment before he lifts his gaze again.
"He wants you to follow him."
Vivi furrows her eyebrows, looking up at him. "Who?" she asks.
"Your captain."
Her breath catches. Her captain. Her Luffy.
The coldness shoves again. Vivi pulls the ribbon from the white swords hilt and pushes herself up. Despite the pain hammering in her legs, Vivi forces herself to run. A few calls ring out behind her but she ignores them, letting the cold guide her forward.
The ribbon sits heavy in her hand. Too heavy.
Please, don't let him be dead. Please.
She sees the blood first. Thick red that coats every inch of the once dirt ground and trees. Vivi's breath catches in her throat, only whimpers escaping her as tears build in her eyes. He's standing. Clothing torn, soaked in his own blood - the same blood that stains the earth around him -, arms crossed over his chest, eyes open but not at all alert.
Vivi hits her knees with a scream. "Luffy-san!"
The logical part of Vivi's brain knows that she should be calling for Chopper. Zoro needs a doctor. Logically, he needs a doctor. He's injured. Bleeding out. But the freezing cold wrapped around her screams that Zoro needs Luffy. Needs his captain.
And, in the moment, Vivi needs her captain.
"Vivi-chan!" Fear fills Sanji's cry and his feet pound against the ground before they stutter to a stop behind her. "O-oi. Oi. Zoro!"
He shoots forward. Vivi brings a hand up to cover her mouth. Her chest aces around wild sobs, every part of her numb with horror.
"Shit, Zoro. What's with all this blood? Are you even alive? Where'd the Shichibukai go? Zoro. Oi! Zoro! What the hell happened here?"
"Nuh." Zoro's chest heaves as he forces his voice to work. "Nothing. Noth-ing. At al-all."
"Zoro. Live."
The voice stops her sobs. Vivi spins, expecting to see her captain but finds only the empty forest trail behind her. Her hand clenches around the ribbon. The cold seeps away from her slowly, almost moving past her.
"Oi!" Sanji yelps. "Zoro!"
Vivi turns again, watching Zoro collapse against Sanji. One arm makes it nearly impossible for him to hold Zoro up. Both of them fall, Sanji sitting with Zoro's still body against him. Blood continues to run down his pale skin in rivers. Sanji's eyes widen with horror, his arm clutching at the limp body on top of him.
Vivi needs to move. Needs to help them. But she can't.
For a moment, all Vivi can't think of is the island. All she can think of is watching her nakama die. Because she didn't insist on helping him. On following him. She's supposed to help. This time, Vivi is the one who failed their nakama. She failed Zoro.
"Vivi-chan, go get - Luffy."
Sandals slap across the dirt and Luffy shoots past her, falling to his knees at Sanji's side. "Zoro," Luffy says. Sobs. Panic fills his voice as he rolls the swordsman into his arms and cradles him close. "Oi, Zoro. Zoro, wake up! Zoro!"
Zoro doesn't respond, doesn't even flinch.
"Get Chopper," Luffy says, looking up at them with tears falling down his face. "Get Chopper! Zoro. Zoro, don't die, okay? That's captain's order. Zoro. Zoro!"
The infirmary door swings closed behind Chopper, Robin, and Luffy. Despite Chopper's insistence, the captain refuses to be left out. The fire in his eyes leaves no room for argument and Luffy is allowed entry.
"How did you know?" Nami asks. Her bloodshot, tear stained eyes focus on Vivi. "How did you know where he was?"
Vivi bites her bottom lip, hugging both arms around her. "I didn't. I just. If we couldn't find him there, I knew he had to be somewhere else." She lets out a small, hiccuped sob. "I was hoping he just. That he'd just gotten thrown in the fight and couldn't find his way back."
Not a complete lie. In the back of her mind, Vivi had hoped that was the case. That the coldness had only been leading her to where Kuma had thrown Zoro in the fight.
"That was the right decision, Vivi-chan," Sanji says soothingly.
Nami reaches her before Sanji can, pulling her into a tight hug. Vivi wraps her arms around the navigator in turn. The crew spread out, each settling in a different spot. Nami lowers Vivi to the ground beside her, the two of them leaning against the wall beside the men's door. Sanji leans against the mast, lighting a fresh cigarette. Franky, Usopp, and Brook take up residence near the rails.
Luffy rejoins them a few moments later, without a word, moving to Sunny's head and staring at the infirmary door. None of them ask for any information. If Luffy had anything to pass along, he would have done it by now. Vivi thinks she would be able to hear a pin drop onto the Sunny's grass in the time that passes.
She leans into Nami's side, feeling the navigator's arm tighten around her shoulder. Closing her eyes, Vivi focuses on breathing. Not panicking.
Three days. Zoro said three days. It's too late to do anything other than trust that now.
"He's stable."
The silence on Sunny's decks doesn't break until Chopper emerges from the infirmary, Robin at his side. Vivi leans away from Nami's shoulder, looking up at the shaky smile on their young doctor's face. The rest of the crew sit up as well, Sanji pushes away from the mast and Luffy leaps down from Sunny's head, staring at Chopper from the opposite railing.
"Zoro's gonna be okay?" Luffy asks, voice low.
Scared, Vivi realizes.
Chopper rocks slightly on his feet. "He's stable," the young doctor repeats. "But he's still in pretty bad condition, Luffy."
Quiet for a moment. And then, Luffy gives Chopper a strained smile. "Zoro's gonna be okay. Chopper's the best doctor on the seas."
"That doesn't make me happy, you bastard."
"I wanna see Zoro now."
Chopper's happy dance stops and he bites his lower lip for barely a minute before he nods. "Okay. But you have to be quiet, okay Luffy? Don't touch him or anything."
Luffy nods, shooting across the deck and into the infirmary without another word. Warmth fills Vivi's side again as Nami leans against her. The tension on the deck lessens, if only slightly, with the news that their swordsman is at least stable.
"Chopper, Robin-chan," Sanji says, tossing his cigarette overboard. "Let me make you something to eat."
The crew begin to walk into the gallery, one after the other. All but one. Vivi pulls her hand from Nami's carefully, giving the navigator a soft smile.
"I'll be there in a moment, Nami-san."
Nami's brow furrows, but she nods and allows Vivi to descend the stairs again. Brook has yet to move from where he stands at Sunny's rail, staring out into the surrounding sea. A cool breeze relieves the warmth of the burning sunlight. She doubts Brook truly notices it after five years. Or, at least, he has no plans to complain about it.
Her arms come up to hug herself as she stands beside the musician, looking out at the light sparkling across the waves. She waits until the kitchen door clicks shut to look up at him.
"Brook?"
"Hai, Vivi-san."
"You said, my captain."
Now that things have calmed down, Vivi can't help the slight relief flooding through her. Brook knows. She can't be sure how he found out or how much he knows, but he still knows. She doesn't have to pretend with him, the way she does with the others. She doesn't have to blink down these tears and pretend that she's just an innocent bystander with no knowledge.
"I did. Can you not hear him?"
"I thought it was my imagination." Her gaze drops to the ribbon in her hand. "Zoro said there are no ghosts here."
"Not on Thriller Bark, no. But, as I told Zoro-san, sometimes spirits will grow attached to an object. And when they feel they have unfinished business, they cling to that object until their duty is complete." It's difficult to read a man without a face, but Vivi thinks he looks sad. "Luffy-san feels that his duty is not complete yet."
Vivi brings the ribbon up to her chest. Duty? Luffy is dead. He died months ago. Any duties that he had should have died with him. So what's keeping him here? What's keeping him from peace?
"What duty is that?"
"Unfortunately, Luffy-san did not grace me with that information. So, I am afraid I am unable to help. My apologies, Vivi-san."
"No apologies need, Brook." Vivi smiles at him. "Luffy can be stubborn. He always has been. How much did he tell you?"
"Not much, but enough. He's worried about Zoro-san."
"I am too," she whispers. "Brook?"
"Hai?"
"Am I a terrible person for not knowing what to do?" Her voice shakes, vision blurring through her watery eyes. "I know that I can't help him by myself. And, it feels like Luffy-san and the others already know. But he trusts me. And I don't want to break that trust. I don't want him to feel alone again. I don't know what to do."
Brook falls quiet for a moment, moving his attention back to the sea beyond. "I don't believe that there is a right answer for your problem, Vivi-san. But, to answer your question. No. You are not a bad person. You are simply in a difficult position."
"No matter what choice I make, it's going to be the wrong one."
"If I may be so bold, Vivi-san," Brook says quietly. "Perhaps, I could speak to Zoro-san once he's awake. And then, you can make this decision. I, too, know the pain and confusion of losing my nakama. Maybe he would be a bit more receptive."
"Would you?"
"Absolutely. It would be an honor to help someone who has fought so hard for me."
A breath of relief flies out of Vivi's lungs. If anyone can relate to Zoro, it's Brook. "Thank you."
"It is my absolute pleasure, Vivi-san. My heart is light at the thought of offering assistance to nakama again. Though, I do not have a heart. Yohohoho."
Vivi's lips twitch. "You make an excellent addition to this crew, Brook. Thank you."
He lets her leave without a word entering the quiet gallery to find all of her nakama gathered around the table. Sanji looks at her first, forced smile on his face.
"Vivi-chan, come sit. I have some tea for you."
A steaming mug sits at the empty seat beside Robin and Vivi slips into it, running her fingers over the mug's lips. Chopper has curled up on one of the couches, sleeping soundly with a blanket over him. Vivi wonders if the quiet is to not wake him.
"Guys," Usopp whispers after a long moment. "Do you think-"
"He'll be fine," Sanji says, voice firm and confident. "Chopper's the one taking care of him. And we all know he's the best doctor in the world. And Zoro's a fighter. If you tell him I said it, I'll deny it. He's the toughest son of a bitch on this crew. He's going to be fine, Usopp."
Usopp sinks back in his chair again.
"I think we should all get some sleep," Robin pipes up, one hand resting on Vivi's arm. "It's been an exhausting day and we could all use it."
"Robin-chan is right," Sanji says. "I'll take first watch. Everyone should get some rest. I'm sure we'll have some good news when we wake up."
Luffy walks into the last remaining room of Moria's castle, carrying a stack of bowls and bragging about the piece of costume jewelry Nami allowed him to keep. Vivi smiles at the captain from her spot beside Zoro. Chopper pulls a thermometer from his lips with a small sigh, shaking his head.
"He'd be really upset if he knew I was taking his temperature," Chopper whispers, looking down at the sleeping swordsman. "He hates it when I take his temperature."
"I'm sure he'd understand, Tony-kun," Vivi tells him. "How is it?"
"It went down a little. And we moved him here without any seizures, so it's definitely an improvement. Especially after only two days. I haven't seen any blood in his mouth either. It looks like his internal injuries have gotten a lot better. Sanji was right. Zoro's the toughest person on our crew."
Vivi reaches forward to stroke back some of Zoro's hair. Anything to touch the swordsman, feel that he's alive. Some of the color has returned to his skin and the dark circles around his eyes begin to fade. Each of the ugly bruises - the ones peeking out from the plethora of bandages around him - have started to turn an ugly green and yellow. Chopper says it's a good thing. A sign that his body is healing.
"Hai, I think so too. You've done an amazing job, Tony-kun. Luffy-san couldn't have asked for a better doctor to have for our crew."
"Asshole. That doesn't make me feel good."
Tomorrow, Vivi tells herself. Zoro said three days. Tomorrow is day three.
Three days too long.
"It's weird, isn't it?" Usopp asks, pausing behind Vivi to look down at Zoro. "Zoro's been through so much, but I've never seen him this bad before. And he was definitely hurt. when we got knocked out, but he wasn't like this."
"I agree, it is strange," Robin sighs, pausing near Zoro's head. "And, it's even stranger that the Tyrant would just up and leave."
"You want to know what happened?" one of the Rolling Pirates asks, eyes alight with excitement. "Then look no further!"
"We saw the whole thing, start to finish," another pirate calls.
Vivi's heart plunges into her stomach. The cold wraps around her, as though angry with the two men. Whatever they have to say, no one needs to know. Zoro wouldn't want them to know. Luffy doesn't want to know. She leaps to her feet, hurrying toward them.
"We can lay it out like you were-"
Vivi grabs them both by an arm, pulling them toward the exit. "Stop talking."
Steps click behind her, the telltale tap of dress shoes. The two men allow her to pull them back, both protesting by mouth only.
"What are you doing?" the larger of the two pulls himself free of Vivi's grip. "Don't you want to-"
"Don't argue with Vivi-chan, shithead," Sanji growls. "Come this way and keep your shitty voice down."
"What is wrong with you two?" the skinny one asks as Vivi releases him, far from earshot. "Your friend deserves to have his tale of bravery told. He saved us all."
"That's for us to decide." Sanji struggles to light his cigarette with his left hand, as he has for two days.
Chopper insists on extra precaution with his broken hand and Sanji has put up no fight. His hands are his most precious treasure. And Vivi knows he'll do anything to ensure they're fixed properly.
"Now, hurry the hell up and tell us what happened," Sanji tells them firmly.
"It was so weird," the taller one says. "It was like your swordsman knew who this guy was. That he'd met him before."
Because he has.
"What makes you say that?" Sanji asks.
"Well, the green haired guy told him that if he really thought he needed to take a head, then he could have his. That he would take your captain's place or his pain. Whatever Kuma wanted him to. And then, Kuma said "how is it that you know any of that". And then your swordsman told him "because we've done this before"."
Sanji's brow furrows, smoke streaming from between his lips. "Done this before?"
"Then what happened?" Vivi asks, trying to steer them back on track.
"Your swordsman said that Kuma had already made up his mind about what he was going to do. And he said if Kuma had any doubts, he would have to kill him to take your captain."
"Yeah," the other one finally chimes in. "So Kuma asked him "If we truly have done this before what is my decision?" And then, your swordsman threw down all of his swords and he told him he was going to choose honor. Kuma said that he couldn't touch Mugiwara without shaming himself."
"The Shichibukai's power was even crazier than what we saw. He laid his paw on your captain and made this bubble come out of him. He said that he'd extracted all the damage done to his body."
Sanji's brow furrows. "Oh, no," he breathes. "Tell me he didn't."
Dread fills Vivi's bones. He did, she knows. He did.
"Kuma took that giant bubble of suffering and he said "to say that you will accept pain that doesn't belong to you is one thing. I've met many who say they would hurt for their captains. But they all falter when they realize the hell they must face"."
"Yup. Yup. And your swordsman said "for my captain, I would walk into Hell with a smile". And then, they walk off to a different location, so you guys wouldn't wake up to him injured so badly. We heard him screaming though, like he was being murdered. We were surprised he was still alive."
"It moved us to tears."
Sanji shakes his head. "Well, that explains why Luffy's fine and Zoro's almost dead. That reckless bastard."
Vivi forces a breath in through her nose and out through her mouth.
"Well, there you go. We told you. Now, we've got to go tell everyone else how brave your friend is."
"No!" Vivi glares at them and they freeze in their tracks, staring at her with wide eyes. Her lips tremble. "You can't tell anyone."
"But your friend-"
"Zoro didn't do this for gratitude," Sanji tells them.
"But, don't you think he deserves some?"
Vivi shakes her head. "You're missing the point. Do you honestly think that Luffy-san would be happy to know that his nakama sacrificed himself? To know that Zoro is in pain because of him?" Both of their faces fall. "He would be furious. He would be hurt."
Tears fill her eyes. Luffy would be so hurt. Even more so if he realized that this is the second time Zoro has done this. Guilt and grief bubble through her chest and she clenches the red ribbon tight in her hand. Searches for forgiveness.
"Listen, shitheads," Sanji growls. "If either of you say a word about this, I'll kick your asses. Now, get inside and eat."
The two disappear into the castle, grumbling. Vivi presses her lips together, desperately trying to hold back her tears as Sanji turns her. Luffy wouldn't be grateful for this. He would be angry. He would be hurt. He would hate that they're doing this.
"Vivi-chan," Sanji says softly, touching her shoulder. "He's alright. It's Zoro. And Chopper's the one taking care of him. He'll be up in no time."
Vivi shakes her head. "No. No, Sanji-san. It's not that."
He lets out a long breath, concern becoming more pronounced. "Then, what is it, Vivi-chan?"
A sob fights its way past her lips. Sanji tugs her forward, pulling her snug against him and wrapping his arm around her in a hug. She buries her head in his shoulder, careful to avoid his sling, and sobs. Some of the pressure leaves her chest with each weep. Sanji holds her tightly, swaying them from side to side.
He whispers something in her ear, words soft and repetitive. Vivi doesn't bother to listen to them. Probably just whispers of calm comfort. Promises that everything will be alright.
But will it?
Zoro could have died. Could have left her to do this alone. And Vivi isn't strong enough for that.
Her heart screams for her to tell someone. Longing for someone to tell her that she's made the right decision by not telling Luffy. That she isn't awful for letting Zoro do this to himself.
Vivi's head hurts. Her eyes burn and her chest aches. Everything hurts. Everything seems wrong.
Sanji doesn't release Vivi until she straightens herself, brushing tears from her cheeks and pulling in large gulps of air.
"Sorry," she whispers.
Sanji sighs. "Vivi-chan, please. Please, let me help."
Their eyes meet for barely a minute before Vivi looks away, unable to keep his gaze.
"Vivi-chan, you know that I would never pry into your personal affairs. But, whatever is going on clearly isn't doing you or Zoro any favors. You are my nakama. Please, let me help."
Letting out a shuddering breath, Vivi glances toward the mansion again. It isn't doing them any favors. Zoro is falling apart and Vivi is failing him at every turn. Zoro lays, unconscious for two full days already. And, if Vivi had just asked for help earlier, maybe it wouldn't be this way.
Brook wants to talk to Zoro before Vivi breaks the swordsman's trust. Before she tells them all. But, it's heavy. Exhausting. Her head spins in circles, heart feels like it wants to burst. She can't do this alone. She can't. She needs someone. One person that knows the whole truth. One person who can truly tell her if she's made the wrong decision.
"If-If I tell you," Vivi whispers, forcing herself to look into Sanji's eyes once again. "Please, promise me that you won't say anything. To anyone."
Sanji frowns, uncertainty in his eyes. "Vivi-chan."
"Please, Sanji-san." The tears return to her eyes. "Promise me."
After a long moment, Sanji finally nods. "I promise."
A small sob of relief leaves her. Sanji's gentle blue eyes stare down at her as she wipes her eyes again, ribbon brushing against her cheeks.
"Sanji-san." She pauses for a moment, steadying herself. "You all died."
Sanji's eyebrows pinch together, confused awe and concern filling his eyes. "What?"
Vivi's breath trembles as she pulls it in, hands fisting in Sanji's shirt. "I-I never left Alabasta. I decided to stay behind, to make sure that my people were safe. And you, you all went on wonderful adventures. I watched the papers, heard of all the wonderful things that you did. Watched your bounties grow. Your crew too. And then, after three years, I heard rumors about an island. The Marines had found a clue to Gol D Roger's treasure and they were going to lure all the pirates they could to this island. Then would Buster Call it."
Tears slip over her cheeks, her breath heavy and tight in her throat. Sanji's eyes bore into her, his gaze like a thousand needles prickling against her skin.
"I knew that Luffy-san would go there, especially if he didn't know about the Marine's plan. So I went to find you all. To warn you before something awful could happen. But I-I was too late." Her hands tighten around Sanji's shirt and she squeezes her eyes closed, desperate not to see blood stain his blonde hair and his fingers broken, leg turned unnaturally. "Every inch of the island was on fire, but I thought, I hoped. If anyone could survive that, it would be you all. But. I found you, one by one." A sob bursts through her lips and she buries her head in his shoulder, desperate to hear his heartbeat. "Until, the only ones left for me to find were Luffy-san and Zoro. I found. I found his ribbon. I knew that Luffy-san would never let anything happen to his hat."
Vivi scrubs a hand across her face and pulls back to show the ribbon to him.
"And Zoro would never let anything happen to Luffy," Sanji whispers.
Vivi nods. "He wouldn't. I thought that I'd lost all of you. And then, I heard the yelling. There was a blonde man, he was yelling Zoro's name. I found them in a clearing. The blonde man was fighting one of the Marine Admirals and Zoro was just kneeling there, in front of Luffy-san's body. It was like, it was like his mind was just gone. Like he didn't know where he was or what was happening. He just sat there. It took me ages to get him to stand up. I-I don't know what happened to the blonde man. I just know that in the forest, there was this strange gateway. It showed me Albasta, two years in the past. It offered me a second chance. A chance to try and save you all. I was going to go alone but Zoro, it was the first time he seemed to know where he was. So, we agreed that we'd save you all, together. When I stepped through the gate, I woke up in Alabasta, two years in the past."
For a moment, Sanji doesn't speak. The look in his blue eyes is impossible to read, staring down at her.
"I know," she whispers. "That it sounds-"
"It doesn't," he interrupts softly. "It explains so much. We've all had our suspicions, we knew something was going on with him. That he knew too much before anything could have happened. We all knew some of it. But this. This is so much worse than I imagined could have it would be. Vivi-chan." Sanji pulls her tight to him again. "Oh, Vivi-chan, I'm so sorry."
Pressure builds up Vivi's chest, sobs exploding out her lips as tears cascade down her cheeks. Sanji pulls her a little closer.
"I should. I should have said something sooner," Vivi gasps between her cries. "He. He hurt for so long. And it's all. My fault."
"It isn't your fault, Vivi-chan," Sanji whispers. "It isn't your fault. You didn't do this."
"I didn't help him."
"You did all you could. I know. He's stubborn. And impatient. And self-sacrificing. A reckless moron."
"He says. He says that he failed you all." Sanji's arm tightens around her. "I think. Oh, Sanji-san, I think he thinks you'll all hate him. That you would never forgive him."
His breath shudders, chin resting on her head. "We could never hate him for surviving. It isn't his place to die for us. And, when that shithead wakes up, I'm going to beat that into him if I have to. He is our nakama, Vivi-chan. We love him."
Day four hits and Vivi knows that the moment Zoro wakes up, she's going to kill him for making her worry like this. He said three days. Day four sinks below the horizon. Red taints the sky, burning the clouds along with it. Luffy sleeps soundly in the infirmary, as he has for three nights, with his hat resting on Zoro's chest. Vivi had returned the ribbon to Zoro's white sword as well, hoping that the presence of both of his captains will convince the swordsman to wake up.
Most of the others have retreated to bed for the night, leaving Usopp in the crows' nest for the first watch and Sanji leaning against the railing beside her.
"I don't suppose he told you what to expect next?" Sanji asks, his gaze on the setting sun.
In case he isn't awake for it. Neither of them say it, but the words hang in the air all the same.
Vivi purses her lips. "Sabaody," she whispers. The island's name tastes bitter. "What do you know about the Celestial Dragons, Sanji-san?"
"Nothing good," he replies.
"Luffy-san's going to punch one of them in the face."
"He's going to what?" Sanji's teeth clench around his cigarette. "Why?"
"Zoro didn't go into details on why. But he said." Vivi pulls in a deep breath. "He said that it needs to happen. That it's important."
"Is it?"
"I don't know. I wasn't there the first time."
"Well, I don't know if Zoro's judgement can really be trusted on this one."
"But, unfortunately, we don't know when or how. Or what to look for."
Sanji sighs. "You're right. Guess we'll just have to see what happens. Did Zoro say anything else about it?"
"He's scared of it. Just talking about it, he got pale. And, he said that it was the only place that could compare."
"To what?"
"Your deaths."
Silence. Above them, their Jolly Roger ripples in the wind.
"I don't like the sound of that, Vivi-chan."
"Neither do I. But, Zoro has to be awake by then."
"Why?"
"He said Sabaody is where he starts to change things. Sabaody is what we've been working toward. And if he isn't awake, I'm scared it's all for nothing."
"It won't be," Sanji says. "If Zoro isn't awake by the time we reach that island, then you and I will figure something out. I promise."
Vivi longs for the comfort of Luffy's ribbon again. "I wouldn't know what to do, Sanji-san."
"That's alright. I told you, we'll figure it out together. You aren't alone."
Letting out a long breath, Vivi leans into his side. "Together."
Tension sits thick on Sunny. Five days come and go without any signs of Zoro waking, but they don't talk about it. Mostly, they ask about Zoro's condition at meals and otherwise go about their day as normal. Nami continues to bemoan the impossibilities of the Log Pose leading them to somewhere that's miles under the sea. Luffy spends most of his time between the infirmary, talking to Zoro's still body, and sitting on Sunny's head, staring out at the sea. It's unsettling. Unnatural. Luffy seems too still. Too calm.
Calm before the storm. Always calm before the storm.
Vivi should have seen it coming. Somehow, she doesn't.
The sun feels pleasant, warm against her skin as she sits on the rail and reads, kicking her legs. Despite her best efforts, the story does little to stop the worry in her mind. Sabaody waits for them, somewhere. And sometime soon. Zoro swore it would only be three days. Now, she and Sanji are left scrambling to try and figure out what's going to happen next.
From above her, the infirmary door slams shut. Vivi starts, barely able to keep hold on her book, and looks up. Dread fills her stomach as she meets angry brown eyes. Luffy's hat remains in the infirmary with Zoro. Somehow, he looks even more dangerous without it.
The rest of the crew stare up at Luffy as well, Sanji peeking out of the kitchen with wide eyes. He pays them no mind, stalking toward the stairs. Toward her. Vivi slips off the rail, battling against the fear building up her spine. Luffy moves past her, not stopping until he reaches the mast. Then, he turns to face Vivi, jaw clenched tightly. She thinks she can hear his teeth grinding.
"Tell me," Luffy growls.
Vivi pulls in a long breath, shifting under her captain's gaze and biting into her lip. She should. She should tell him everything. But, her voice catches in her throat. Words refuse to form. Luffy's eyes widen, nose wrinkling in rage.
"You know," Luffy says, voice low and challenging. "Tell me."
"Luffy." Sanji moves down the stairs as well, a comforting presence at Vivi's back. "Calm down."
"You know!" Luffy's voice rises. "Don't act like you don't!"
Vivi's feet move back of her own accord. Everyone's eyes lock onto them, gazes burning against her skin.
Across the deck, Nami stands. "Luffy, I know you're frustrated but you can't blame Vivi just because you don't know what Zoro did to-"
"I know what Zoro did!" Fury burns in Luffy's eyes, fists clenched, teeth bared.
Sanji snaps straight beside her. Vivi's breath catches painfully, chest and throat clenching around her. Every bit of rage seems to roll from Luffy and crash onto the deck and Vivi can't help but let her jaw tremble as those angry eyes settle on her.
"What?" Nami says.
Only she, Usopp and Franky look confused. Vivi's heart drops a little further as she looks over at Chopper and Robin, both of whom look sad but not at all curious. Because they know too. But how? Unless. Vivi's eyes move back to Luffy.
"I told Chopper," Luffy says without hesitation. "He had to know to help Zoro, so I told him. You should have too.
"I didn't know," Vivi whispers. "I swear, Luffy-san, I didn't know until after Tony-kun had already treated him."
Luffy stares at her, eyes as hard as ever. "You should have told me."
"Luffy," Sanji says softly. "Zoro-"
"I'm not talking to you," Luffy growls.
Sanji's jaw clicks shut.
Vivi longs for the feel of Luffy's ribbon beneath her fingertips. For any sense of comfort as her captain's wrathful eyes stare back at her.
"You should have told me," Luffy says again, taking a step forward. "You should have told me what you did! You let him hurt and you wouldn't let me help him!"
This isn't about Kuma. The awful realization hits Vivi like a punch to the stomach. Luffy isn't talking about Kuma, he's talking about the island. He knows.
"He didn't want me to tell anyone," Vivi whispers.
"I don't care."
"He trusted me."
"You should have trusted your nakama."
"Don't make it out to sound so simple."
"It is simple."
"No, it isn't!" Vivi's voice rises against her permission.
"You should have told us!"
"I couldn't."
"Why?"
"Because of this! Because you would have gotten angry and. And, oh god, that's what he was afraid of."
Vivi's hand shoots to cover her mouth, her knees weakening. Sanji's good arm wraps around her waist, lowering her to the deck floor as fat tears make their way down her cheeks. Luffy doesn't move. Doesn't show any signs that his anger has lessened.
"He wasn't scared you would hate him, Sanji-san," she mutters between tears. "He was afraid you'd be disappointed." Gritting her teeth, Vivi looks up at Luffy. "He was afraid you'd tell him he made the wrong decision."
"He did," Luffy says, voice low.
"Luffy," Sanji protests firmly.
"Whoa, whoa." Usopp's voice shakes slightly. "Is someone going to tell us-"
Anger flares in Vivi's chest. "You don't get to decide that."
"I do. I'm his captain!"
"Maybe, but unfortunately, you weren't around when the decision was made!"
Vivi's heart slams into her chest, her entire body shaking with such unruly anger that it hurts. The sudden, unexpected resentment for her captain makes her teeth hurt and Sanji's arm tightens around her waist as her body tenses, as though holding her back from lunging at her captain.
Luffy doesn't get to make this decision. Luffy wasn't there to tell them what to do. She and Zoro did what they thought was best, no matter what anyone else thought. They'd tried. And no one else gets to tell them what's wrong. Not even their captain.
Her words seem to hit Luffy like a physical slap. He takes a step back, anger finally gone as he stares at Vivi, wide eyed.
Vivi's fist clench, vision blurred as she glares up at him but Luffy can't seem to look at her. His gaze moves to the infirmary instead, watching the door as though expecting Zoro to walk through it. The rest of the crew sit silently around them. Vivi pulls in a deep breath, scrubbing the tears from her face.
"We don't always agree with your decisions, Luffy-san," she tells him. "But we respect that you did what you thought was best. Zoro and I-"
"Have been selfish," Luffy says, voice shaking.
"Yes." Because they have been. So selfish, just like Zoro said. "But we did what we thought was best. And you can't tell us whether it was the right decision. And you can't tell Zoro it was the wrong one, Luffy-san. Neither of us were going to get off of that island. It was death or it was this. What were we supposed to do?"
Luffy turns back to her slowly, hair casting a slight shadow across his eyes. "No more secrets," he tells her firmly. "Promise me."
"I can't," Vivi tells him. Luffy's eyes darken. "You asked me to take care of him, Luffy-san. And that's what I'm going to do."
Even if I'm not doing a very good job.
They stare at each other, Luffy's gaze blank and unreadable. Then, finally, Luffy's brow furrows. The hurt in his eyes shines clearly and it gouges Vivi's chest. Everything falls apart, piece by piece, and she can't do anything more than watch it.
"Zoro told Bear Guy, but he didn't tell me." Tears begin to sparkle in Luffy's eyes.
"That's because he didn't want to hurt you," Vivi says. "He'd never want to hurt you, Luffy-san. He loves you."
Zoro did hurt Luffy. They both did, she knows. Zoro probably knows too. But, they can't change it now.
"Outta all the wounds Zoro's ever had," Luffy whispers. "This is the worst one. The bloodiest one. And he didn't trust us to help."
"That's not why he did this."
"Then, why?"
"Luffy-san. You know Zoro better than anyone. Do I really have to tell you why he didn't say anything?"
To make sure they kept chasing their dreams. To make sure they were safe. To keep loving them. To never be alone.
"This isn't a matter of trust. It's a matter of love. And, yes, we were selfish. But, if I had to, I would do it all again if it meant saving you all."
Luffy drops his head, shadows falling across his eyes. His fists clench and unclench. Then, he looks up again, eyes still watering slightly.
"Is Ace gonna die?"
Vivi's eyes widen. "What?"
"Zoro told Bear Guy that the Marines are gonna kill Ace. Are they?"
"Not if we can help it."
"But they did?"
Jaw trembling, Vivi nods.
"And Sabo?"
"Who?"
"Sabo. Zoro talked to Bear Guy about Sabo too. Zoro said Sabo's alive."
"I'm sorry, Luffy-san. I don't know who Sabo is."
Luffy looks back toward the infirmary. Vivi wishes she could read the sad, confused look on his face. Wishes Zoro could tell her what's going on in their captain's head.
"What is going on?" Usopp demands. "What are you guys talking about?"
"Vivi?" Nami presses.
Vivi bites her bottom lip, hoping to keep it from trembling. They're going to be furious with her. Just like Luffy is.
"Zoro and Vivi came back to save us," Luffy tells them around a long breath.
"Came back?" Chopper echoes.
He at least looks confused now. Robin rests a hand on Chopper's head, giving him a reassuring smile. Her eyes soften as she looks at Vivi, pity clear in her eyes. Vivi finds that she hates the look.
"Luffy, what are you talking about? Came back?" Nami takes a step toward them, wide eyes going to Vivi. "What is he talking about? What is going on?"
Vivi swallows hard. "Nami-san, I."
It's hot, as though her body is suddenly on fire, thoughts flying at a mile a minute. She tries to pull in a deep breath, but it falls short of filling her lungs. Vivi shifts, suddenly uncomfortable with Sanji's presence so close.
"I." Vivi tries again to make her voice look.
She cuts herself off with another gasp for a deep breath.
"Vivi-chan?" Sanji asks softly.
"My chest hurts," she manages to gasp.
This must be what it's like to suffocate. To gasp and beg for breath. Vivi pants, silently begging for someone to help her. To make this stop. To drowning. Stop suffocating. Stop dying. Because that's what she is. She's dying. Hoping against hope that she could have done something, anything to help them. But, she can't. No matter how badly she wants to help them, Vivi will never be anything more than weak.
The betrayal in their eyes after Zoro had panicked in front of them was bad enough. Now, they'll never trust her again. She knows what Zoro was scared of, truly scared of. Losing their trust. Losing their love. She's losing all of it.
Her hand clasps over her chest, tears building in her eyes. She longs for her ribbon. Longs for Zoro. For comfort and safety. For something to stop her heart from beating through her ribs. She squeezes her eyes tight, trying to focus on getting air into her lungs.
"Chopper, don't," Luffy mutters softly.
"But, Luffy, I think she's having a panic attack."
"Wait," Luffy says again.
The distinct clip of his sandals against the deck reaches Vivi over the thunder of her heartbeat. Luffy pulls her against him without a word, nose nuzzling against her hair. Then, they begin to sway, the same as he had with Zoro. The same as he does with nakama.
Luffy doesn't hate her.
Vivi sobs. Luffy's arms tighten around her.
Warning! This chapter contains: panic attack. Please read responsibly! After being confronted by Luffy about what she and Zoro have hidden from them, Vivi has a brief panic attack. The scene is not as violent or disturbing as Zoro's panic attacks. Vivi discovers she can't breath and then worries that she's going to suffocate and that she has lost her nakama's trust and love for keeping secrets.
The scene begins with:
"It's hot, as though her body is suddenly on fire..."
The scene ends with:
"The distinct clip of his sandals against the deck reaches Vivi..."
And there you are! Chapter Twenty written and done. Vivi knows that an unfinished duty holds her captain close to her and Sanji knows why his nakama have been struggling so much. And, he is definitely going to have words for our favorite marimo. But, at least Vivi isn't alone in trying to keep Zoro together, right? Next time, Zoro hovers on the edge and hears some strange things while he fades in and out of consciousness. Hope this chapter is everything you thought it would be. See you next time. Remember to stay healthy, stay sane, and stay safe out there!