Chapter 21: Fight or Flight.

Ego by scruffpuppie

Lose a Friend by Beowulf

Edition by Rex Orange County

It took a week after sewing her own arm back together for Elara to stay awake longer than an hour at a time. Finally, after living off of the almonds she had been duplicating and stretching and rationing her pain potions, she felt decent enough to leave the comfort of her wards in search of food that was slightly more substantial.

She grabbed her wand and carefully began creeping through the forest, leaving small scorch marks in the trunks of trees to mark a trail of where to walk back to. The last thing she needed was to get lost and not be able to locate her knapsack. As limited as the supplies she had were, she found it hard to believe that she would survive very long without them.

She had luck with finding a blackberry bush. Hermione had been insistent that they each study edible plants and know what types of wild berries and mushrooms would be poisonous. Elara never disagreed with this line of thinking, but she was thanking Merlin, Godric, Helga, and Rowena that she took it seriously. She made a small pouch out of the hem of her jumper and filled it with the berries.

She thought maybe, if she were lucky, she may be able to set a trap and catch a rabbit at some point. The idea of hunting her own food had turned her stomach months back when they had discussed it as a possibility. However, after essentially sewing her own arm back to her body and using her fingers to hold muscle together as she did it, killing a rabbit didn't seem so bad.

As Elara made her way deeper into the forest, she found a small clearing next to a stream and smiled. She could set up camp here. There was a bit more coverage than the spot she was currently in at the edge of the trees and there was a stream, which meant she could properly wash herself instead of using cleansing charms. Feeling better about her predicament than she had felt in the last eight days, she quickly made her way back to the edge of the trees to collect her knapsack and take down the wards.

She popped the berries in her mouth as she walked, her eyes scanning the forest floor at the vegetation that had grown, looking for anything edible she may have missed on her way into the trees. Her mind began to wander as she walked, wondering what Harry, Ron, and Hermione were doing now. Were they safe? Had they figured out how to destroy the locket yet? Had it led them to another horcrux? Were they looking for her?

They wouldn't find her, if they were. She was sure of that. She had apparated to a forest that lay between Marlborough and Great Bedwyn. And while it wasn't exactly far from her home in Wiltshire, it wasn't close either. She remembered the Savernake Forest, having only been in it once as a child, she was certain she wouldn't have mentioned it to Harry at any point. In fact, she wasn't even sure why the location had popped into her head. She was glad it had.

Suspicion. Excitement.

Elara stopped dead in her tracks, dropping the front of her jumper and feeling her heart sink as the berries fell to the ground. She ducked behind a tree and waited. It had been over a week since she had felt any emotion other than her own. Someone was here. The chance of a muggle wandering randomly through the forest was slim, especially considering the lack of trails or attractive flowers where she was at.

She strained her ears, trying to focus and see if she could-

"It's just a sickle."

Elara's stomach dropped. She knew the bracelet had gone missing, she had stupidly thought it was torn from her arm and Yaxley had it. Apparently, she had been very wrong.

"It's on a chain though. Why would someone put a sickle-

"Oi, you feel that? There's magic around here. Must be a mudblood or two hiding out. I wonder how much we'll get for these ones?"

"More than a bloody sickle, I'd wager."

"Doesn't matter, does it? It's the thrill of the hunt, for me."

"Well we can't all be blessed with lycanthropy, Greyback."

"Keep talking like that and I'll make sure you're turned next full moon."

"Is that a threat?"

"A promise if you keep working my fucking nerve!"

"Will the two of you shut up!?"

Elara clasped a hand over her mouth, trying to muffle her breathing as she cast a disillusionment charm over her head and crept quietly toward the men who were bantering between one another.

"Oi! What's crawled up your arse?"

"I've got a feeling we ought to hang around this forest a few days. If we're finding loose sickles around it could be her. The Malfoy girl is worth a hundred thousand if we can bring her in alive. Malfoy Manor isn't too far from here, if she's making her way home, we should get the reward."

"I don't even think a Malfoy knows what a bloody sickle looks like, all those galleons they have."

"You think Yaxley will be coherent enough to recognize the sickle? It's on a chain. Maybe she was wearing it?"

"He let a seventeen year old witch shake him loose mid-apparition! He deserves every round of cruciatus Lestrange blasts his way. Fucking tosser."

"They say she's got powers though. Some strange old magic in her blood. That's why the Dark Lord wants her."

"The Dark Lord wants anyone he can get his hands on, I reckon…"

The voices began to fade and soon, she couldn't hear or feel anyone around. From where she stood, she could see the copse of trees she had been hiding in. She could feel the magic of the wards. She sprinted, moving as quickly as she could back to the spot. As soon as she walked through the wards, she yanked her bag up over her good shoulder and took off running in the opposite direction.

She kept running until she could no longer move her feet. When she finally collapsed, she was in a heavily wooded section of the forest, deeper than she had ventured into yet. The sunlight was blocked by the thick brush of the branches and the light that broke through was tinged green. She immediately began setting up the wards and decided she would just have to live off of over-duplicated, no longer nutritionally substantial almonds and whatever she could eat that grew within the wards.

At least until she figured something else out.

Several days passed. Between starvation, teetering on the edge of constant agony from being splinched and lack of decent sleep, Elara was feeling rather delirious. She spent most of her days trying to sleep or find food, unfortunately, the weather was getting colder and she knew if she didn't do something soon, she would die in this thick of trees.

She had spent time making a few sorry attempts at pain potions with the limited ingredients she had packed in her bag. Albeit, they were much weaker a brew than anything Hermione would have made, but it was enough to get her through. Her shoulder hurt all the time now. Lack of food and proper rest had her convinced that it would never fully heal, especially without something a little more powerful to speed it along.

With her arm still barely attached, the risk of apparating again was far too great. She was alone, out of any potent pain potion, out of blood replenishers… She couldn't risk the splinching. If she were to splinch again, she knew it would be the last thing she ever did. And she couldn't die like that. Not before she saw her family one last time. Not without seeing Hermione and Ron again. Not without Harry.

She had spent many hours in the forest thinking of Harry. Wondering where he was at, or what he was doing. She hoped he was safe, hoped he wasn't doing anything rash. Although, knowing him, he was. She chuckled to herself as she thought about it. It was one of things she really loved about him, even if it annoyed her to no end. Harry was the type to act first and ask questions later. He was decisive and sure in moments of pressure and stress and he stuck to his beliefs. She hoped he was still pursuing the task at hand, hoped he was still forcing himself to hunt for the remaining horcruxes. Hoped that if he kept himself busy, he wouldn't focus on her absence. Because as much as Harry was reckless in the face of battle, he was fiercely protective and relied on his loved ones for the occasional ego check or pep talk. She also hoped that he was keeping his temper in order.

Elara began digging through her bag, pulling out the different books she had packed. Some of them weren't very helpful right now, and she was cursing herself for bringing volumes like… Whatever this was that had fallen open to…

Wait a moment..

She looked down at the book, tilting her head as she scanned the chapter title. "Travel Spells and Their Applications". She gasped, leafing through the chapter, skimming it with her finger before she landed on what she was looking for. Her hand went straight to the sunflower pendant hanging from the necklace she never took off.

"...While a Portkey must be registered with the Ministry of Magic for regulation and control of one's whereabouts, [Artitcle IV Subsection A, paragraph 9 of Magical Travel Regulations and Laws] creating a new Portkey is as simple as using the spell "Portus Muta Locum" while magically linking the new destination to the object at hand. This process is akin to that of apparition, providing the witch or wizard the ability to create a Portkey connected location based off mentally envisioning one's location…"

Elara's heart thundered in her chest. According to the article, all she needed was a "previously established portkey" and the approval of the ministry through signed documents… The latter being to avoid imprisonment should she be caught changing the location of a registered portkey. Lucky for me, she thought. This Portkey was never registered.

She set to work, digging out a parchment and quill to list out pros and cons of every location to move to that she could think of. Of any location she had heard Hermione talk about, of every location she knew was special to Harry, of every place Ron had previously suggested. She had filled two full rolls of parchment with the lists before narrowing it down to a handful of locations.

Emiliana Zabini's flat in Tuscany. The Portkey's originally intended location. International travel was never easy through any means of travel, so it could be damaging to her arm. But she knew Emiliana would keep her safe, if she hadn't been implicated herself. Which was a very likely scenario considering Death Eaters had already tortured her and had her properties being watched. Although with Blaise being back in school, perhaps they would have left her alone, now?

The Forest of Dean. She remembered having a discussion once with Hermione about how she visited it frequently as a child with her family. It has importance to her, so that could certainly be a place she'd think of to apparate to.

Godric's Hollow. She thought it would be unlikely that they would travel there, but she knew Harry had talked about wanting to go see the home his parents lived in, to see if they could find answers there. Bathilda Bagshot lived there, and he had mentioned her name more than once since Bill and Fleur's wedding.

The Burrow. She remembered Lupin mentioning that most of the Order had taken off to safe houses after the wedding. She was sure the Burrow had been raided and that Mr. and Mrs. Weasley would have fled by now. Although they loved their home, they wouldn't stay there if it put their lives or their children's lives in danger. They would more than likely be locked in a safe house with other Order members given their family's connection to Harry.

She stared at the narrowed down list. Four options, looking back at her. She knew it was unlikely that they would go to Godric's Hollow, regardless of how badly Harry wanted to. It was too risky, and Hermione would not allow a frivolous trip for the sake of it. She scratched that one off.

If this spell worked similarly to apparition, she would need to scratch off the Forest of Dean as well. She had only been there once herself, as a child. She could barely remember much about the trip, let alone it's location. The risk of injuring herself again was far too great. While she was certain they would probably spend time there, she couldn't afford to lose her arm completely.

That left Emiliana's home and the Burrow.

She spent the rest of the evening weighing the pros and cons between the two, but eventually it was the growling of her stomach and the need to feel close to her friends that won out. She would go to the Burrow, first thing in the morning. Tonight, she needed to prepare a plan. Make sure she had all of her (already limited) supplies and everything packed tightly and work on getting the Portkey to change locations.

She thanked every star in the sky that night that while she was absolute rubbish with potions, she excelled at charms and was a quick learner when it came to new ones. She read the articles over and over, trying to figure out exactly where she wanted to land on the grounds of the Weasley family home. The text said that the Portkey, once the spell had been successfully cast, would be hot to the touch and glow cerulean for five full seconds before the light faded and the object would be ready to use for travel.

Elara bellowed a strangled sob of frustration tearing from the back of her throat as she pounded angrily on the ground beneath her. It had been four days of nonstop practicing the stupid, stupid, stupid incantation for the Portkey; all while her brain slipped deeper into a foggy, starving, haze. Her arm was throbbing from the terrible excuse of a pain relief potion she had managed to brew and she was fairly certain the wound was getting infected.

Her stomach churned and growled furiously again, and she filled her jar with water from an Aguamenti spell and gulped it down. Hoping she could trick it into thinking she was full. She had lost track of how much time had passed since the break in at the Ministry. She was sure it had been about a month, which meant it had been that long since she had eaten an actual meal.

She wiped the tears of anger that leaked from her eyes as her attempt to cast the charm failed yet again. If she didn't get it figured out soon, there was a good chance she wouldn't make it much longer. She could move on foot, she supposed. But even moving camp seemed exhausting, and besides the one run in with the group shortly after she landed in the forest, she hadn't heard or seen or felt another human. She was safe from capture here, but starvation and the ever-growing cold air was another story.

Elara practiced the wand motion again, trying to clear her mind of her current frustration and focus on the task at hand. She waved her wand in the intricate pattern and whispered the incantation and…

Cerulean! She nearly choked when the blue light hit her eyes, she reached down to touch the pendant and instantly pulled her fingers back at the heat of the little metal sunflower. Her heart swelled and she let out a dry sob as she counted the seconds. Five, four, three, two, one… Finally!

OOOOOOOOOOOO

It had been nearly a month since the Ministry. Nearly a month without Elara there with them to try and calm everyone's frustrations by humming a tune, redirecting focus to some sort of dueling exercise, or forcing them all to have a peaceful evening with her abilities. Hermione was on a frazzled edge more so than usual without Elara there to pull her from a spiraling rabbit hole of facts and texts. Without someone there to nag her into taking a break from the books and focus on something different for awhile.

Ron had become obsessed with listening to Potterwatch. He carried the wireless around with him everywhere he went, listening to the names of those missing and presumed dead. He moaned constantly about being hungry and cold. Complaining when they hit a dead end in an idea Hermione had. Irritated with Harry and his lack of knowledge or suspicion against other members of the Order. Ron was working Harry's nerve. He knew that in part, it was the locket. They had discovered that wearing it caused them to be far more testy with one another than they would be. But the combination of lack of food, rest, and the cold with the effects of wearing the locket had proven to take the hardest hit to Ron's psyche.

Harry knew he was teetering the very thin line of what remained of his sanity being in this tent. He was angry all the time and wearing the Horcrux didn't help. It exacerbated the issues, putting him further on edge and making him snappy with everyone. He couldn't help but think of all the things that had gone wrong at the Ministry and how they could have avoided losing Elara. If he had been faster, if he had noticed Yaxley sooner, if he hadn't let his reckless anger get the best of him…

If, if, if.

It was already November, and Harry worried constantly for Elara. As much as he hated listening to Potterwatch, he had to admit that every broadcast that left her name off the missing or presumed dead list brought him a little relief. She was brilliant. There was no way she had been captured. She may have been terrible at potions, but she was excellent at charms and transfiguration. Surely, she would be okay.

She had to be, because if he took the time to focus on what could actually have become of her, it made him nauseous.

It was his fault. Everything was his fault. She tried to distance herself from him. She tried to end things with him and he just wouldn't take no for an answer. He followed her around like the lovesick puppy he was until she finally caved and spilled everything to him. Until she finally gave in and let him take her away. She would be safe inside of Hogwarts right now, if he had just left it be all the way back in February. She would be on their side, but her brother wouldn't let anything happen to her. Zabini would have looked out for her.

But instead, she threw away everything. She threw away her entire life as she knew it to follow him into the dark and he just let her. He just let her follow him into something he had no manual for! He was beyond angry with himself. If he really loved her, he would have found a way to force her to stay behind, wouldn't he?

But he did love her. He knew that. It was the only thing he was absolutely certain about, these days.

"Oh my God!" Hermione said, nearly jumping out of the seat she was in at the table. She shoved away the badly charred fish she was attempting to choke down and began pacing the floor. "I can't believe I didn't think of it before! I can't… Harry! Harry, when you destroyed the diary, you used a Basilisk fang, right?"

Harry looked up from the book in his hands that he had been pretending to read for the last… Hour? Two hours? While he used the time to feel sorry for himself for fucking up so royally that Elara was missing from them. "Erm... Yeah. Yeah, it was a fang. Why?"

"That's why he left the sword! That's why Dumbledore left you the sword, Harry! Don't you see?!" Hermione sounded nearly beside herself with excitement.

"Um… I'm gonna be really honest with you here, Hermione. I have no idea what you're on about."

She laughed loudly, tossing her head back. "Harry, the sword is Goblin made!"

He furrowed his brows together in confusion, unsure as to why that would answer every question he had right now. "Okay…"

She huffed, shoving both hands through her hair and chuckling lightly to herself. Something Harry had grown to realize she did every time she knew she had the answer to something no one else could solve.

"Care to share with the class?" He said.

"Goblin forged metals are expensive because they're nearly impossible to damage. They don't rust or break. Even using spells to break them, it's incredibly difficult and would take hours of intense curse breaking to snap a Goblin forged weapon. Goblin metals get stronger and stronger with every passing use because they take on any curse, spell, metal, or venom that would make them stronger."

"Venom?"

"Venom," Hermione confirmed. "Like the venom of an ultra rare magical creature whose venom is known to be nearly priceless."

"I killed the Basilisk with the Sword…"

Hermione smirked, "You're starting to piece it together now…" She teased.

He stood up and began pacing. If the metal only took on what made it stronger, he killed the Basilisk with the sword. The Basilisk fang is what he stabbed the journal with, which meant the venom was strong enough to kill a horcrux. Which meant Dumbledore left the sword to him because…

"Oh," He said, stopping in his tracks and whipping around to Hermione. "OH! That means the sword is loaded with Basilisk venom!"

"Completely impregnated with it!" Hermione nearly cried with joy.

"Do you think it would be-

Harry's words died in his throat as the sound of clapping came from behind them. He turned around and saw Ron, standing against the support beam of the tent and clapping his hands loudly.

"Congratulations," Ron said. "Figured out why it was left. Not where it's at though. We still don't know that. Just one more bloody thing to look for."

"Yes well, it can't be that difficult to find!" Hermione countered. "It belongs to the school, I'm sure it's probably there!"

"Probably there? Running on a lot of probably and hopefully lately, don't you think?" Ron snapped.

"Mate," Harry began, his tone low and warning. "I've told you everything I know. You knew this wasn't going to be-

"I thought you knew! I thought you maybe had some sort of answers or-or at least an idea of what the fuck we had to do! Instead, we're skipping place to place, starving and hypothermic! My family is out there and I have no idea if they're okay! Not to mention we lost Ellie and-

"Shut up!" Harry said, his anger rearing up at the sound of Ellie's name. "Shut up, Ron!"

"No!" Ron said, taking a step toward him. "You two can sit and conspire all day! It's like I'm not even here most the time and-

"That's because all you do is hug that bloody wireless and complain!" Harry spat, "You're perfectly happy to piss and moan about everything wrong with what we're doing but you don't offer any fucking help!"

"Harry!" Hermione said, her mouth open in shock."Don't say that!"

Harry turned toward her, "No! No, Hermione! You know it's true!" Harry whirled back around, pointing an accusing finger at Ron. "He's done nothing but act like a total wanker since we landed here! You want to complain about the food? About the temperature of the tent? About the lack of information?! Then fucking help us."

"It's no wonder Ellie let go," Ron hissed, his jaw twitching angrily as his face screwed up in rage. "She knew your fucking temper was a problem. Don't think we didn't hear the two of you arguing more than once! She knew you had nothing and she let go because she didn't want to be fucking dragged through it!"

"Fuck you!" Harry roared, "You don't know what you're talking about! You're just mad because you don't have someone here to clean up after you and wipe the spit from your chin! Ellie knew what was coming! Ellie knew there was next to no information! The same as you! I'm sorry this isn't to your very high standards, Ron. But I don't know what you were expecting!"

"I expected some fucking answers! I expected that I wouldn't be thrown to the side like fucking rubbish when the two of you," Ron motioned furiously between Harry and Hermione. "Came up with something! I expected Ellie to fucking be here to keep us sane! To keep you sane!"

"Ron, please!" Hermione said.

"Stop talking about Ellie!" Harry said, closing the space between them. "Stop fucking talking about her like it was my fault!"

"IT WAS YOUR FAULT!" Ron bellowed. "ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"

Before Harry could think, he saw red. The rage in his body sent a pulse down his spine and in the span of blink, he balled up his fist and sunk it into Ron's face, feeling his teeth split the skin on the top of his knuckles and watching as Ron's lip split and began bleeding.

"No!" Hermione shouted. "No! Stop it! Stop fighting!"

Ron's face was nearly purple with rage as he returned the blow to Harry, catching him just below the eye and cracking the left lens of his glasses.

"Fuck you, Ron!" Harry said. "You're welcome to leave! I'm not keeping you here! If you think you can stand it, then go!"

Ron spun on his heels, tearing his hands through his hair. "You want me to go-

"No, Ron! No! It's… It's the locket! You've been wearing it all day! Just take it off and have supper and-

"I can't choke down anymore of this bloody fish," Ron snarled. He grabbed the chain of the locket and ripped it off his neck, throwing it onto the table. "Good fucking luck." Ron lingered at the opening of the tent for a moment before turning around and looking at Hermione. "You coming?"

Hermione was crying and she threw her hands up in desperation, "We promised Ron! We promised not to let him do this alone! I can't…"

Ron scoffed, nodding. "Yeah well, good riddance."

Harry stood, his chest rising and falling in rapid angry pants as Ron left the tent. Hermione looked to Harry in desperation before running after Ron. He heard shouting and a loud crack of apparition. Moments later, Hermione returned to the tent. She was soaked head to to toe and it was only then, seeing her with her hair soaked and clinging to her neck, that Harry realized it was storming outside.

"He left!" Hermione cried, falling to her knees with her face in her hands.

"Yeah? Well good. I don't-

"He's right, you know!" Hermione cried, looking up at him from the ground. "Not about this being your fault, or losing Ellie being your fault… But your temper has been unbearable for months. Ellie was the only one who could toe around you and ever since we lost her, you do nothing but snap at us and slam things around in frustration. I get that you're mad Harry, I do. I really understand that you're upset. But you aren't the only person who has lost someone! You aren't the only person with people to worry about! The world doesn't stop revolving simply because you lost Ellie!"

"I don't… I never said that!" Harry said.

"You may not have said it, but you act like it! Do you think I haven't noticed you staring at the same page in a book for hours while you eat yourself alive? You think I didn't hear the arguments you had with Ellie back at Grimmauld? When she would ask you to take a break and you would snap at her? Do you think Ron hasn't noticed that you stare at him with anger in your eyes every time he wishes she were here so that we could have a night of peace? You aren't the only one who has people that you love on the other side! Ron is worried. His entire family is in the Order! They're all targets! And instead of being understanding about that fact, you chase him away because he said something upsetting to you?"

"No,Hermione I… I didn't mean to chase him away! I-I just-

"You told him to leave! And that's the problem, Harry! You don't think before you speak! You just react out of anger and deal with the consequences later! How long until we can't deal with the consequences? How long until that fire burns us all? Until you slip up and say something you can't take back?"

"You take that fire and you burn the entire city to ground until we take the Dark Lord down too, okay?" Elara's words rang in his ears again. The only one who wasn't afraid of his "fire" as they loved to call it. The one person who encouraged him to use it, to fight. And she's gone.

Harry sighed, slumping his shoulders forward as he took a seat in the rickety wooden chair at the table. "I'm sorry, Hermione. You're right."

"I know I am." She said, indignantly.

"I just," He heaved a sigh, pulling off his now broken glasses and scrubbed his face with his hands. "I fucked up. And I keep fucking up. Ron was right. Even if we know why the sword was left to me, it doesn't help! We still don't have it. It was my fault that Ellie got separated, it was my hand she had hold of."

Hermione stood from her spot on the ground and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him tightly. "It's not your fault that any of this has happened. We're in the thick of a battle from a generation before us. The only fault you have is surviving a killing curse as a baby. And I, for one, am glad you did. We'll figure it out. We always figure it out. Just… Just try to remember that it's not all about you, okay?"

He sighed again. He wanted to tell her that it was about him. That his parents wouldn't have been killed if it weren't for the prophecy about him. That Cedric would still be alive and well, that Sirius wouldn't have been at the Ministry that night. That all of the people they've lost, all of the sacrifices everyone has had to make wouldn't have needed to be made if it weren't for him. Instead, he hugged her back, pulled the locket off the table and placed the chain round his neck.

"I'll take the first watch tonight, go get some sleep," He said.

Hermione frowned, but nodded, walking back toward her cot. Harry wondered if she would leave him, too. Wondered if he was destined to die alone at the end of Voldemort's wand, or if he would live to watch all of his friends disappear around him first, unable to do anything to save them.

A thought entered his head in the form of Ellie's voice: It's not your job to save everyone.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, his mouth twisted to the side as he stared into the wet grounds around him. If only that were true.

.

.

a/n: Hi! Thanks for reading! Sooo today is my birthday, and I wasn't going to update because I figured I would be busy but then I remembered I don't do anything besides write fanfic and read soo... I had time to update! haha so you get the chapter on time! yay!

But, you know what makes for an awesome birthday gift? REVIEWS. Also, join my fb group! Mimifreed Writing! (did i play the birthday card? yes. Yes i did.)

Anyway, next chapter will be posted on Wednesday! Thanks for reading! Also, to those of you who already told me Happy birthday, THANK YOU! And thank you in advance to anyone who leaves it in the comments! :)

Xo

Mimi