XXXI.

"I know you deserve better than this, but I… wanted to be honest. For once. I don't want to keep lying to the people I care about."

Cassandra did not say anything for a long time and Narcissa's throat closed, hoping this wasn't going to break them. Cassandra had said she was understanding about how she felt about Bellatrix, and the fact that she would eventually return to her in that way, but it had only been twenty-four hours; what did that say about her except—

"You have zero fuckin' self-control, huh?"

Narcissa exhaled a defeated sigh, her gaze finding the floor. Narcissa had finally lit the fireplace in her bedroom again and Cassandra had come through that way, as neither of them thought it a good idea if Bellatrix knew she was coming over. For now, her sister was busy training Draco again in the basement, so being two stories up at least allotted them some semblance of privacy. Narcissa hoped she hadn't orchestrated some alone time just to be broken up with, although she wouldn't really blame Cassandra if she didn't want to be caught up in her mess anymore.

"It's been one bloody day, Cissa!"

"I know, I know— but it wasn't like… we didn't make love or anything," Narcissa defended, as though that was an actual fucking defense. Honestly, Cassandra should just tell her to fuck off and be done with it— Narcissa couldn't even stand the words coming out of her own mouth, and yet she tried to justify it regardless. "If anything, we just fucked one another to be cruel. She… treated me like a prostitute and then I fucked myself in front of her but called out your name when I came just to piss her off and… I don't know. I feel so out of control, but I can't pretend that this isn't— this is just what we do. It's always been what we've done, so I can't act as though this came out of nowhere. It didn't."

Cassandra looked at her like she had to be completely mental. Maybe she was. No, she definitely was.

"That's the most immature shit I've ever heard," she told her, and Narcissa's stomach dropped. Cassandra looked so utterly exhausted by her, and quite frankly Narcissa couldn't blame her. Could she really expect Cassandra to keep putting up with this? She wanted her to, because Narcissa loved her so goddamn desperately she could no longer imagine a life without her, but maybe this was… maybe this whole thing was just cruel.

Cassandra really did deserve something so much better than this, someone so much better than her, and yet Narcissa couldn't bear to let her go. She was going to suffocate Cassandra just like she suffocated Bellatrix, just like how she suffocated Lucius, and yet she didn't know how to stop. She could already see it— her lack of self control had already broken some of Cassandra's faith that maybe one day Narcissa would be able to free herself from this mess, and the blonde feared what those cracks would ultimately end up doing to them if they continued to spread, as it could end up causing what was between them to become so terrible fragile.

Cassandra looked irritated and exhaled a scoff as she tried to process the insane mess her life had become, yet she relented to her own misery with helpless wave of her hand, "But whatever— your decision, yeah? I knew your crap with her wasn't over, so I'm not gonna act all surprised or hurt 'cause I saw this shit comin' a mile off, even though… Jesus, Cissa, one fuckin' day…" Narcissa's gaze found the floor; she felt so awfully ashamed of herself. Cassandra exhaled a defeated breath though and reiterated, "I love ya though, an' I told you I would wait so I will— but if she fucks you up again, you are not comin' to me. I told you I was done catering to the shit ya orchestrate yourself, an' her? That's your fucked up choice, so deal with it by yourself. I'm not gonna be your crutch after she breaks your sodding legs."

"Right— I know, you're right," Narcissa conceded, wishing she didn't feel so bloody awful for how easily everyone around her just lets her get away with doing this kind of shit. Cassandra had told her not long ago that there was knowing and there was changing, but with Bellatrix not wanting her to change…

Her sister had always owned her, more than anyone else. If Bellatrix told her no, then she— she wasn't even going to try. Narcissa could give small allowances of course, like this— her ridiculous attempt at honesty as though telling someone you're basically cheating on them is doing anything other than hurting them, but it was all she could muster, because with Bellatrix basically telling her to just own the horrible person she was…

See, this was why they were awful for one another, and yet Narcissa was choosing to listen to her sister, the violent, mental woman who loved hurting her just as much as she loved fucking her, over her girlfriend, who gave an actual shit even if it was with brutally harsh honesty, and who actually wanted to see her get better.

This was something Narcissa wished she could talk through with her therapist but that was yet another thing she destroyed.

"But I don't— you don't have to wait, okay?" Narcissa tried, not wanting Cassandra to feel pushed to the sidelines just because her and Bellatrix had some sort of tentative truce at the moment, which to be honest probably wouldn't last long. Bellatrix might believe she had 'won' now, but she was still hurt and that was going to take her a long time to get over. Narcissa knew that her sister was not finished trying to shred her emotionally and waiting for the other shoe to drop was making her anxious, honestly. It just felt like Bellatrix was biding her time waiting for the perfect opportunity, and Narcissa feared what exactly that opportunity would entail. "I mean, I'm still… I'm still here. I still want to be with you. Bella and I, that's— it's a totally separate thing…"

"I'm already aware of what you want, Cissa," Cassandra responded flatly, which didn't sound promising at all. The younger woman looked deeply frustrated as she rhythmically flicked the hair tie that was around her wrist against her skin. Narcissa stayed silent, but she at least slid her hand over the redhead's thigh, wanting her to know that she still cared about her. Cassandra looked down at her hand and then back at the far wall as though she was burning a hole into it.

"I'm not gonna be your dirty secret again," Cassandra told her, refusing to be treated as though she was the shameful option. "I'm not fuckin' sneakin' around, I'm not hidin' anymore. That cunt knows about me now anyway, so if ya want me, Cissa, then you need to own that— in front of her, if you need to. I'm allowed over your house, I'm allowed to take ya on dates if I want; no more waitin' till she's out or distracted so you can do the shit you want without havin' to deal with consequences. I'm your girlfriend an' you're gonna damn well treat me like it."

"Of course— of course I will," Narcissa assured her, even though she knew this was probably going to cause more drama than she wanted to deal with. Still, Cassandra deserved to be treated right, and while Narcissa wouldn't be great at that considering she would still have Bellatrix on the side, she knew at the very least the woman deserved to be acknowledged as the important person she was in Narcissa's life. "Bella knows you're my girlfriend; she's not happy with it by any means, but I've never given her the impression that sleeping with her again was going to invalidate what we have, because it doesn't. It could never. I love you, Cassandra."

Narcissa wanted those three words to give her girlfriend some semblance of comfort, but all it seemed to do was provoke anxiety as Cassandra started rhythmically bouncing her leg up and down. "I feel like I'm losin' my mind," she admitted, and Narcissa felt sick with herself. "Like I'm fightin' a losin' battle an' the more that becomes apparent, the more it's fuckin' me up. Jesus, I should just tattoo 'masochist' across my bleedin' forehead an' be done with it…"

"And ruin your pretty face? Never," Narcissa gently teased to try to offset the crippling reality of those words, allowing her free hand to be placed under her girlfriend's chin as she coaxed her to look at her. Narcissa's eyes softened in guilt as she saw the defeated look in Cassandra's eyes, and she hated that she was destroying yet another person's spirit.

Bellatrix was right: she was a disease.

"I'm sorry," Narcissa breathed, knowing exactly how to save Cassandra, yet also knowing she was unable to do it herself. Narcissa hated herself for that because when Cassandra finally broke — a reality that seemed to only loom nearer — she knew it would entirely be her fault. "You really can walk away if you want. It would kill me, and I know at some point I'd come begging for you to come back on my hands and knees, but I know I'd deserve it."

"You would," Cassandra agreed softly. Her brow creased as she tried to still her leg, placing her hand over Narcissa's as she weaved their fingers together. "But I'm a bleedin' romantic, an' 'cause of that I'm still gonna fight for ya— even if turns out to be pointless, even though I should probably be prioritizin' my goddamn sanity… but a part of me doesn't even care 'cause fuck her, honestly— she don't bloody deserve you an' I'm damn sure not gonna let 'er win. She can't run me off that sodding easily."

This was probably going to end badly. Not only for her girlfriend's sanity, but also because Narcissa didn't want this to become a fight for her affections. The problem was though if Cassandra wanted to make it into that then there was no stopping it, as Bellatrix was ridiculously immature and would get some kind of sick satisfaction out of it.

"It's not a competition," Narcissa tried to remind her, but Cassandra just snorted.

"If you were still with Lucius, that wouldn't be a competition; you both had agreed upon multiple lovers an' have even shared them— well, me, before. But Bellatrix is different, and ya know that. Neither of us like that the other is in your life, an' there's no way we're going to fall into the same bed with you either."

Oh. That would be— no, that was a pointless fantasy, and probably one that would end in bloodshed. Cassandra was giving her a look that she knew exactly what Narcissa was thinking though, and the blonde blushed. "Sorry," she muttered, knowing she had been caught. "It was a pretty picture for a half a second until I realize it would end with violence."

"I know you're a spoiled brat, Cissa, but you gotta know that'd be pushin' it."

There was this sick part inside of Narcissa that found a challenge in that, but she tried to bury it because it would no doubt make everything worse; if they wanted to compete with one another now, it would only increase tenfold as they would try to outdo one another in bed. Although, that wasn't exactly a bad thing from Narcissa's perspective, considering she would be the one reaping the benefits. Well, at the very least she found something to masturbate to the thought of later. They might be able to tell her she's crazy and that it would never happen, but they couldn't very well control the thoughts in her head, and in there it could happen; Narcissa had a very vivid imagination, after all.

"Cissa!"

"Sorry, sorry— I'll stop picturing it, I promise."

Cassandra looked exasperated and Narcissa didn't blame her. This was probably not at all what she should be focusing on right now.

"Sorry, listen— hey," Narcissa gently prodded, trying to push this in a direction that was just about them as she decided to get Cassandra's attention by moving from her place next to her on the edge of the bed to in front of her. Narcissa took both of the woman's hands in hers as she leaned into her, one knee on the bed and her other leg between Cassandra's as she looked down at her. "How about, after the boys go back to school, you and I go away for the weekend?"

Cassandra quirked an eyebrow. "Where?"

"Anywhere," Narcissa told her, knowing she too would probably need to get away by then anyhow, even though she doubted she would be able to outrun her crushing anxiety over Draco. She was trying to compartmentalize, but the closer it got to September the harder it was getting. She didn't know how she was going to deal with it when he was gone, honestly. Running away and living in a fantasy for a brief moment seemed like a short-term solution, at any rate.

"Except Paris," Narcissa revised, causing Cassandra's eyes to narrow in question. "I've been there twice and once was one of the worst experiences of my life and the other was one of the best, but they both have to do with her so I'd rather we just… make memories that are just ours, you know?"

Narcissa may not be able to choose, but she did at least know what she wanted, and it was that both her life with Cassandra and her life with Bellatrix be completely separate from one another. Feasibly, she wasn't entirely sure how that was going to work, but she didn't want them bleeding into one another, as she felt like it would taint them both.

(Well, except for that nice threesome fantasy, because a woman could always dream.)

"Although," the blonde continued, gently playing with Cassandra's fingers as she swung her other leg over the younger woman's lap, sitting astride her. "I would also be content with just staying in bed with you for an entire weekend— making love and talking and just… being with you; looking at your beautiful face and wondering how the hell I got so damn lucky," Narcissa breathed, softly biting down on her bottom lip as she looked down at the woman beneath her, smiling. "I could make you breakfast in bed…"

"Ya don't cook," Cassandra pointed out, but she was warming to her; she liked whenever Narcissa wanted to make an effort for her, and Narcissa did want to make an effort for her. She enjoyed making Cassandra smile.

Her girlfriend began to relax, all of her previous anxieties seemingly melting away once Narcissa was astride her. Narcissa knew she was good at that though—as horrible as it probably was, she could make anything seem worth it so long as could wrap her lovers up in the romance they had with her. So long as she could distract Cassandra enough so that she didn't have to worry about Bellatrix, then they were golden; they were perfect, and that was what Narcissa tried to remind Cassandra as she gently tucked a strand of hair behind the other woman's ear, allowing her palm to rest on her cheek.

"I could learn," Narcissa softly insisted. "For you, I'd learn." Her gaze searched Cassandra's, her thumb dusking over the corner of the younger woman's mouth before she leaned in, giving her a soft kiss. Cassandra's eyes fell closed, her fingers bunching in the fabric of the blonde's robes as she pulled her impossibly closer to her.

"You know, this is gonna get real annoying, real fucking quick."

Narcissa broke their kiss and practically scrambled off of Cassandra at the sound of her sister's voice. "Jesus— weren't you downstairs?!" Narcissa snapped, as though it was Bellatrix's fault that she had just walked in and saw them, even though the blonde hadn't bothered to close her bedroom door. She hadn't though there would be a need to though; it wasn't like she was planning to fuck Cassandra while Bellatrix was home, and she had believed her and Draco to be otherwise occupied for the time being.

"I second that," Cassandra muttered, irritated with the interruption herself as she ran her fingers through her hair, no doubt trying to make her look more put together than she felt. She appeared anxiety-ridden again, but she allowed that to translate into annoyance as she snapped, "Ya never heard of knockin'?"

Bellatrix sarcastically traced the threshold of the doorway with her finger, indicating the lack of an obstruction in her way. "Maybe close the bloody door next time, you exhibitionist whore."

Narcissa rolled her eyes. "It was just a kiss," she defended, not about to apologize for that. "What?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. "I assume you came and found me for a reason, so what is it?"

"That fucking depends; can you manage keeping your tongue in your own goddamn mouth long enough for me to update you on your kid?"

"Obviously she can, so just spit it out," Cassandra snapped, just as unhappy by this arrangement and this unfortunate, yet apparently necessary interaction as Bellatrix was. Narcissa's insides twisted at the mention of Draco though, hoping Bellatrix was here to give her some positive news, and not that she believed him to be hopeless or anything. Draco was due back at Hogwarts in three weeks, and time was running out.

Bellatrix, however, did not seem to sense the urgency in Narcissa's demeanor as she prioritized pissing off Cassandra. She leaned against the threshold of the doorway, crossing her arms over her chest as she smirked. "She tell you she fucked me last night?"

"Bella!" Narcissa snapped, grabbing her sister's sleeve and practically pulling her into the room with them before actually shutting the door this time. "Jesus, where is Draco?"

Cassandra, however, just looked bitterly amused at her attempt to hurt her. "Yes, because she doesn't lie to me," she stressed, causing Bellatrix's expression to darken at the implication that because Narcissa was honest with her, that she valued Cassandra more.

"She's always lying to everyone about something; if you actually believe you're special then you're fucking deluded."

"Excuse me— my son, Bella!" Narcissa exclaimed after she had cast a silencing charm on the door, just in case. Bellatrix rolled her eyes, exhaling an irritated puff of hair.

"Oh, relax. He just killed your house elf so he's dealing with his first kill by vomiting— not unlike you, actually," she mused, remembering how Narcissa had acted after the death of Margret. "Honestly, the amount of times you wretched after that woman's death was ridiculous; like you actually bloody cared or something."

Narcissa paled. She didn't even have a chance to yell at Bellatrix about making her son kill their house elf, or worry about how Draco was feeling, or even wonder if she should be feeling proud or relieved that he had least accomplished that Unforgivable as it would help him with his mission, as at the moment she had another matter entirely to attend to.

"Wait— what?" Cassandra asked, immediately standing up and facing Narcissa in horror. Bellatrix's smirk widened, obviously pleased that she had managed to destroy at least a little part of Narcissa's happiness with Cassandra as she unintentionally uncovered something the blonde had been hiding from her.

"Ah, there it is. I knew you weren't being honest with her, Cissy— what a fucking laugh. So you didn't tell her you're a murderer, huh? Figures. You know that only gets me wet, after all."

"What the hell is she—?" Cassandra gasped as she approached her and God, Narcissa did not like the way she was looking at her; like she was afraid that Narcissa wasn't the person she thought she was after all. Maybe she wasn't. "Did you actually… have you really killed someone? Jesus bloody Christ—"

"What, like your own husband hasn't?" Narcissa shot back before she could think better of it, but Cassandra looked at her like that was the very wrong thing to say considering she didn't have the excuse of being a Death Eater and being ordered to behind her reasoning, and Narcissa covered her face in shame and anxiety. "I know— I know, okay? I know the circumstances are different; just please stop— stop looking at me like that; I swear to God, it was an accident!"

Bellatrix chuckled as she slid up to her, pressing her breasts against Narcissa's back as she swooped her blonde hair behind her neck and breathed in her ear. "See? You may think you can have something normal, Cissy; but she can't see the beauty in your darkness, and that ship sailed a long time ago, lover— it's already seeded itself deep inside of you, spreading like a sickness…"

Narcissa pushed herself off her sister with a furious exhale before she violently turned around, her hand finding Bellatrix's throat as she pushed her up the door. She didn't press down or anything; she didn't really want to hurt her, but she did want her to shut the fuck up. Bellatrix just laughed as Cassandra shouted at her, never having been comfortable with Narcissa's first instinct with her sister being violence. It was the only way Bellatrix listened though.

"My darkness has always begun and ended with you, Bella; and there's a simple fucking way to fix that if you want to keep trying to ruin my relationship," Narcissa snapped, taking her hand off her sister's throat before shoving her for good measure.

"But it doesn't matter— neither of you even matter right now," Narcissa realized as she stepped away from Bellatrix. She shot a look over her shoulder to Cassandra and apologized, "Sorry—" because she knew how that sounded, and while her sister did not deserve an apology right then, Cassandra did, "But if Draco's upset I need to make sure he's alright. I'll explain what I did later, but I promise you it was an accident."

"Oh for fuck's sake, he's fine— if you're going to coddle him he's never going to become a sodding man," Bellatrix snapped before she hissed, shaking out her left forearm as she was unexpectedly summoned. "Damnit, don't you fucking tell him he should feel bad about what he did, if you've undone all my progress by the time I get back you're giving him a death sentence. Don't be an idiot."

"I know what I'm bloody doing; he's my son!" Narcissa shouted at her. "Just go!"

Bellatrix shot her a scathing look but she disapparated in a billow of black smoke, returning to her master's side. Narcissa exhaled, sweeping her hair away from her eyes. Her hands were shaking.

"Do ya want me to stay?" Cassandra asked softly and Narcissa turned to her, an apologetic expression on her face.

"You don't— you don't have to," she tried, not wanting Cassandra to feel obligated. "I know I have a lot to explain and I will, but if you don't want to wait…" She felt bad about dropping that bomb on her and leaving before it could be resolved, but… "Draco needs to come first. I'm sorry."

"I'm a mother too, Cissa," Cassandra gently reminded her. "I get it. Just go, yeah? I'll be here when you get back."

Narcissa nodded, grateful for her understanding. She wanted to give her a kiss in parting but wasn't entirely sure it would be received well after what Cassandra now knew about her, so instead she gave the other woman a grateful smile before she opened the door and went on a search for her son. She found Draco in the basement, just sitting on the steps as he stared miserably at their house elf's body.

"Darling?"

Draco looked up at her before he glowered, turning his gaze away from her. "I'm fine, Mother," he responded flatly. "Don't make a thing out of it."

"I won't," Narcissa softly promised him before she descended the steps, coming to rest next to him as she sat down. Draco wouldn't look at her, and Narcissa placed a comforting hand on his knee. She wasn't entirely sure what to say to him, but she knew she had to frame this as a good thing if she wanted him to have a hope of surviving his next year at school. "I'm proud of you," she finally settled on, even though her heart ached to say such a thing. Still, some things were more important than the truth.

Draco finally met her gaze, but he still did not speak. Narcissa gently smiled at him. "The Killing Curse is a very hard spell to do. You must have practiced a lot."

Draco shrugged lifelessly. "Last couple weeks," he told her, his eyes falling on the body of Bitzy again. "I'm still shit at the Cruciatus Curse, but Aunt Bella says that's because I don't really want to cause pain, but it's not like she's having me practice on someone who's done something to me. I think it's just easier to hurt someone who you hate, but I never cared about the bleeding elf enough to hate it. We've been using Bitzy for all the Unforgivables though, so I think I just— I don't know. After a while, killing it seemed easier, I guess. Least the thing isn't screaming anymore."

Narcissa's eyes softened. "Sometimes, killing can be a kindness," she told her son. "Maybe not for the one that's being killed, but sometimes even then— like Bitzy. It was suffering, and you ended that. Your aunt though— she hates everyone and everything; she has so much misery inside of her that she feels the need to inflict it upon others, but not everyone is like her. Your father killed to protect our family, and that was the kindness that he allotted us. You will do the same, Draco."

Draco nodded, understanding his mother's words. Narcissa leaned in, kissing her son on the temple. "Do you feel ready?" she asked him softly, and Draco shook his head.

"No," he admitted, but he steeled his jaw and looked up at her, determination in his eyes. "But I'm gonna do it anyway. I have a plan— sort of, anyway. I think it'll work."

"May I ask what it is?"

"No, I'm not supposed to get any help— it's fine. I can do this, Mother. I promise. I mean, I've killed something already, right? I can kill again. I can be like Father and protect our family."

Narcissa's chest ached as she looked at her little boy who suddenly seemed so grown up. She exhaled a long breath, gently reaching out to brush the hair from his eyes. He needed a haircut, but such things seemed so trivial now. "I love you, my fierce dragon," she breathed, giving him a small, encouraging smile, "and I know you will do this family proud."

It hurt though, God it hurt to have to act like Draco being forced to grow up in this way wasn't hard to watch, and when Narcissa returned to her bedroom she was in tears. Cassandra did not waste time as she brought the blonde into her arms, shielding her from the world as Narcissa broke down, hoping her son was still downstairs and that he could not hear her sobs through the closed door as she had been too distraught to cast the silencing spell before she fell completely apart.

Cassandra had brought her into bed and she held Narcissa to her breast as the blonde clutched at her, still too upset to speak. It didn't matter though; Cassandra understood what she was feeling and why, and so she just lay with her in silence, gently stroking her lover's hair in a gesture of comfort. "I'm sorry," Narcissa wheezed, her hand fisting in her girlfriend's dress. "I know I— I still owe you an explanation…"

"You don't," Cassandra told her softly, gently resting her hand atop a mess of blonde hair. "Your son's more important. Feel that first, then you can say whatever ya want. I believe ya anyway— about it bein' an accident. I know who you are, Cissa; no matter what that cunt seems to think. S'Fine. Tell me later."

Narcissa nodded silently, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears leaked out behind her lids. "I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes back to school," she breathed, her words quivering in the back of her throat. "He won't be able to— to write me, to tell me how it's going… I'm going to be completely in the dark, scared out of my mind, and I don't— I don't know how I'm going to handle that."

Narcissa took a shuddered inhale of breath and opened her eyes, staring at the far wall while another tear slid down her cheek. "I keep thinking I'm just going to have to… I don't know, compartmentalize. But I don't know if I can. I could ignore the horrors and the risk and how terribly scared I was for both my sister and my husband when I was younger, but Draco's my son. How am I supposed to live from day to day, knowing he could be arrested or killed at any moment?"

"I mean, I don't think Dumbledore will kill him," Cassandra rationalized softly, gently raking her fingers through the blonde's hair again. "Even if he was defendin' himself, he's got that whole honorable and goodness thing, yeah? Besides— you said ya got Severus to take the Vow, didn't ya? He'll protect 'im, Cissa. I think… the worst that could happen is, if things go real bad an' Draco's caught, he'll just be tossed into Azkaban with Lucius. An' the Dark Lord is gonna release them soon anyway, yeah? I know it's a shit consolation, but it's not like he'll be gone forever."

"I know," Narcissa breathed sadly, as it was little comfort. But, perhaps Cassandra was right— perhaps her fear of Draco dying during this mission was unfounded. Maybe she just had to hold on to that, and hope for the best; hope that, at the very least, Severus would be able to help him out greatly while he was in school. She couldn't dwell though, and she could not wallow; all it would do is break her sanity, and she needed to be level-headed right now. There was just too much going on not to.

Narcissa was silent for a long time as she laid atop her girlfriend, just trying to focus on her breathing as she stopped the flow of tears. Finally, she shifted and looked up at her, brow creased as she revealed another secret to the woman she loved. "It was Margret," she admitted, voice soft. "She found out about Bella and I and tried to blackmail me. I… I panicked and hit her with a stunning spell, so I could just— I don't know, buy some time, wait for Bella to come and clean up another one of our fucking messes… but when Margret fell she— her head it… it hit the edge of the coffee table and…" Narcissa trailed off, her gaze falling to the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she continued, sounding guilty even though she knew she probably shouldn't. It wasn't like this was something you told someone over breakfast. "I just— it was a long time ago, and it was something we agreed to keep within the family so it wouldn't come back on me. Or Bella, who got rid of her body. And it's not like it was my proudest moment so I didn't…" But Narcissa trailed off again, not knowing what to say.

Cassandra was silent for a long time. "Margret was a cunt," she said finally. "Not that I'm justifyin' it or anythin' cause I'm not. Even if you didn't kill her, you still stunned her knowin' Bellatrix would have to. But… it does sound like an accident, an' it doesn't make me look at ya any different, if that was what you were afraid of."

"It was," Narcissa admitted in a whisper, looking back up at the other woman. "But… not just that. I don't want you to feel like I'm still lying to you. I'm trying so goddamn hard to learn from my mistakes, and I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I just— God, my life has been one horror show after another, and short of sitting you down and telling you everything from beginning to end which seems… I don't know, like it'll emotionally fuck me up more by reliving it all…"

"You don't gotta do that," Cassandra assured her, reaching down to cover the blonde's hand with her own. "I trust you, Cissa. I know you're tryin'. That's enough for now."

"But just 'for now' though… right?"

Because Narcissa knew better, and she knew the other woman's patience and her sanity would only last for so long, although the latter might be hovering a little too close for comfort near the cliff's edge lately. Narcissa didn't know what she was going to do when either ran their course though, and that terrified her. She didn't want to lose her.

Cassandra exhaled a slow breath. "Yeah," she admitted, saddened by that reality as well. Narcissa was scared that she believed it was an inevitability, even though the truth was… it very well might be. "But we'll see how long it lasts. I just know I can't promise forever— an' for your sake I hope it's not either, 'cause I don't wanna watch you get consumed by darkness just 'cause it makes her happy to not be fucked up alone. It'll destroy you, an' that would break my heart."

Narcissa wished she could tell her that she would never allow Bellatrix to do that to her, but the truth of the matter was that she had started to a long time. At this rate, it would only be a matter of time before Bellatrix completely consumed her, and yet Narcissa could not stay away.

The last few weeks before September 1st flew by and quite a lot of it was filled with Bellatrix trying to erase Cassandra's touch from her body whenever she spent time with Narcissa. She had this thing about not letting Cassandra be the last person who fucked her, and even if Narcissa told her that they didn't have sex during their last visit, Bellatrix did not believe her, as apparently she found it unfathomable that Narcissa could have a relationship that wasn't entirely based on sex.

Narcissa wasn't going to pretend she wasn't a sexual person because she was, but she had also learned a long time ago that she didn't need sex to feel loved, and sometimes it was nice just being with Cassandra. She felt loved when she was with her without needing to be touched, but considering the same was not true for when she was with Bellatrix, she supposed she understood why her sister did not believe it. The problem was that Bellatrix only knew how to express her love with sex or, at the very least, dramatic declarations. Love for her had always been intense, but with Cassandra it was… calmer. It was more of a constant all around her instead of something screamed in her face like it was with Bellatrix, but Narcissa liked them both for very different reasons.

Narcissa had come to realize when exactly she needed each one of them though, and as such had tried to sort out some kind of strange system in order to get the most out of her conflicting relationships. Like right now she was scared— she felt completely out of control as she waited for her son to awaken so she could bring him to the Hogwarts express, and as such she needed something all-consuming and domineering to get her mind off it so that she didn't unravel.

Bellatrix was good for that.

Her sister was on top of her, sweating and panting as she pounded into her with a strap on with absolutely no remorse. Narcissa knew her pelvic area was going to be sore for days after this but she ate it up, needing it to be rough. It distracted her from reality, and as Bellatrix slapped her pussy she cried out, begging her to do it harder until her entire nether regions were red and stinging. It was enough stimulation on her clit too that Narcissa was certain she was going to come if she kept doing it, so she kept yelling for Bellatrix to do it harder, to just fucking hurt her, and the woman obliged until Narcissa felt like she couldn't focus on anything else other than the pleasure and the pain, and she begged, "Choke me!" when she was about to fall over the edge, the hand being wrapped around her throat stealing her breath and her sanity and the edges of her vision went fuzzy.

Narcissa coughed and gasped as Bellatrix let her go, and for a second her sister looked concerned that she had actually hurt her. "I'm… fine," Narcissa assured her as she struggled for air. "Fin…ish." And so Bellatrix did, allowing the enchanted strap on to give her pleasure as she pounded into her a few more times until she too was trembling in the aftermath of her orgasm.

Bellatrix slid out of her then, unhooking the harness before she fell into bed next to her, her own breathing uneven as she came down from her high. "You feel better?" Bellatrix asked her, and Narcissa nodded as she turned, snuggling herself into her sister's naked form. Bellatrix could tell from how frantic she had been about this that she was feeling overwhelmed, but she had never really been great with words. This was what she was good at though, and Narcissa was thankful for it.

"He'll be fine, Cissy," Bellatrix tried to assure her as she ran her fingers through her sister's hair. "Not to toot my own fucking horn or anything, but I taught him pretty damn well. He's nowhere near my level, obviously, but at least he's not incompetent anymore."

"He was never incompetent," Narcissa chastised, and Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she begged to differ. "But… thank you. For everything you've done. I know you didn't have to, and I appreciate it more than you know."

"I did it for you," Bellatrix responded, even though Narcissa was more than aware that it wasn't really for Draco's benefit. Bellatrix looked down at her, her eyes softening as she gently brushed the hair away from Narcissa's eyes. "Everything I do is for you, Cissy."

"I know," Narcissa breathed. She gave Bellatrix an appreciative smile then before she leaned up, gently pressing her lips to her sister's. "I love you."

"As you should."

Narcissa rolled her eyes, but her exasperation was mixed with amusement. She pushed herself out of bed then, knowing she needed to shower and get ready before she got Draco up and encouraged him to get a move on. She had already packed his things last night at least, so that was one project done.

"Listen, I know this isn't… the most ideal time to tell you this, but I'm not coming back home after I drop Draco at the train station. I'm going to stay at Cassandra's tonight."

"Why?" Bellatrix asked furiously, pushing herself up into a seated position as she watched Narcissa run a brush through her hair. "I already fucked you, why the hell do you need her?"

Narcissa looked at her patiently. "We've been over this. You both give me different things. I'm not staying the night because I need to sleep with her, Bella, I'm staying the night because I know I'm going to have a hard time emotionally once Draco leaves for school, and as much as I love you, we both know you aren't the best when it comes to comfort. She is. It'll just be for one night; you'll survive. In case you've forgotten, because you live with me, you get me far more often than she does."

"In case you've forgotten, I don't like sharing my bloody toys."

"Call me a 'toy' again and see what happens," Narcissa warned her, causing Bellatrix to huff in irritation as she got off the bed. She caught wind of some muttering such as 'bullshit', 'selfish', and 'slut', but Narcissa kept herself silent, allowing her sister to rant underneath her breath. She knew Bellatrix was not going to take it well, but she wasn't going to hide what she was doing either. While her sister had been more accepting of the inevitability of Narcissa's relationship with Cassandra, it was something Bellatrix liked to ignore, and when she couldn't ignore it she tended to get very irate.

Narcissa's thighs felt sticky after their bout of vigorous fucking though, but it was more than normal so while Bellatrix was muttering under her breath about how she was a greedy bitch, Narcissa put her hand between her thighs only to find her fingertips covered in blood. "Damnit," she grumbled, which got Bellatrix's attention as she finally looked over at her.

"Shit—" she swore, believing that she had inadvertently hurt her. Bellatrix's fingers hadn't been inside of her though, so it wasn't like she cut her. "Are you okay? I wasn't trying to—"

"Yeah, it's… I was feeling a little crampy this morning, you just fucked my period out of me," Narcissa realized. God, she couldn't wait to be done with this crap every month. Her periods had gotten lighter and her cycle longer, but they were unfortunately still very much a part of her life and probably would be for another ten years. Narcissa sarcastically waved with her bloody fingers at her sister though, pointing out, "See? Now you don't even have to worry that Cassandra's going to fuck me while I'm gone, so you can relax."

Bellatrix scoffed as she crossed the space between them. "She lets a little blood stop her? Boring. Do you guys always do it in the missionary position too?"

Narcissa rolled her eyes. "I wish it would stop you— no, Bella!" Narcissa exclaimed as Bellatrix snatched her wrist in her hand, looking her dead in the eye as she licked the blood straight off of Narcissa's fingers. The blonde exhaled a sound of repugnance and ripped her hand away when Bellatrix was done. She should have seen that coming.

"Why do you have to be disgusting?"

Bellatrix smirked, her tongue running over her teeth. "To make a point," she told her. "You aren't vanilla, Cissy; blood might not be your thing but if I were to drop to my knees right now and clean you off with my tongue you and I both know you wouldn't stop me. You've never stopped me. Yeah, you'll give me your weak little protests because you think you should be more 'proper' than that, but in the end you like doing filthy shit with me. You want to be choked, edged, done in the arse, but she won't do those things for you, will she? So tell me, what the fuck is the point of her?"

"Again, she offers me more than just sex. I don't know how many others ways I need to say it," Narcissa responded, growing exasperated as she grabbed her wand, using it to clean the blood off of her thighs. It was a temporary solution until she could get to the bathroom, at any rate, and she also didn't want to give her sister any more temptation. "You fulfill a very specific subset of my sexuality, I'll admit that, but that's not all I want either. When was the last time you made love to me, Bella? Honestly."

"Like literally five minutes ago!"

Narcissa narrowed her eyes. "You call that 'making love', do you?"

"Well, I mean we're in love, so… yeah," Bellatrix stressed, like Narcissa was the one being stupid. The blonde exhaled a long, drawn out sigh.

"Fine, well sometimes I enjoy more sensual, emotional sex, which Cassandra gives me; or even just… I don't know, regular kinky things. Imagine the bar of what's considered normal is here," Narcissa told her, placing her hand at chest hight. "You and I? We're way the hell up here," she continued, her hand now above her head. "And I enjoy that, I do, but I need more from a relationship than just extremes. We are in love, and it's passionate and intense and beautifully unhinged, but it's also… it's a lot, Bella. You're like this raging ocean and Cass… she's the dam that keeps me from—"

"What, gushing?" Bellatrix sneered. "Because I'm the only one that's ever made you do that, aren't I?"

Narcissa shot her a bemused look. She knew Bellatrix always had to 'win' in some regard. "Yes, you are the only one that's ever made me do that. I know you're proud of yourself."

"Mmm… want to again?" Bellatrix breathed, sliding her arms around the blonde's waist as she pulled her toward her, apparently ready to start round two, although probably only because she wanted to keep proving Cassandra unnecessary.

"Not while I'm bleeding!" Narcissa exclaimed, gently pushing her sister off of her. God, she couldn't even imagine the kind of mess that would make. "Besides, I have to shower and get Draco ready for school. If you wish to make me gush after I've finished my period then you can, alright? You can edge me to the ends of the goddamn earth if you'd like— I'll let you do whatever you want with me."

Bellatrix didn't look satisfied with the promise of a rain check and there was more grumbling under her breath, but Narcissa just gently placed a kiss on her sister's cheek and promised if she waited it would be well worth it, and Bellatrix finally let her go take a shower.

Surprisingly, they actually got the train station on time even though Draco clearly had not wished to get out of bed. Narcissa's heart ached for him because she was well-aware of why he was so hesitant to go back, but she tried to give him encouragement the best that she could even though she knew her words were useless.

They met up with Cassandra and Gregory fifteen minutes before the train was due to arrive, and Narcissa gave her girlfriend a chaste kiss on the cheek in greeting as the boys found Vincent looking miserable as his mother fussed over him. Ursula Crabbe gave them the most scathing look when they arrived but Narcissa ignored it, allowing Cassandra to weave their fingers together as they waited.

"How are you?" Cassandra asked softly, concern etched into her brow at the expression of anxiety on her lover's face.

"Not great," Narcissa admitted, keeping her voice low. Her eyes were on her son, her heart weighing heavy in her chest as she watched him try to act normal. "I told Bella I'd be staying the night at your house; you don't mind, do you? I just— I don't think I can…"

"Yeah, course. Ya know you can stay as long as you want," Cassandra told her, gently tucking a piece of hair behind the blonde's ear. Narcissa shot her an appreciative smile, squeezing the woman's hand in her own as she leaned in a little closer to her.

"Oi, Malfoy— Goyle!" another Slytherin student that looked to be about their sons' age called out to them. The kid was laughing. "It's true then, innit? What my Grandmum said; both your mums are big dykes now—"

At first, Narcissa could not see who did it as both Draco and Gregory moved toward the boy, who's nose squirted with blood as a fist connected with his face. Narcissa gasped and Cassandra yelled out, "Boys!" and when the kid hit the ground, holding his face and crying out, Vincent laughed so hard his mother had to yell at him to stop making it worse. Both women rushed over to their children.

It was Draco who was shaking out his fist, and while a part of Narcissa was touched that he felt the need to stand up for her, the motherly part of her was furious that it was with violence. She knew he was probably just stressed out about what he was facing when he returned to Hogwarts, but he needed to have more control over his reactions!

"Muggle violence?!" she shrieked, but Gregory was quick to make excuses for his friend, as his mother was being called foul names as well.

"Nah, Mrs— Aunt Cissa," he began and, okay, it was aunt now? Narcissa supposed she could live with that, and when her gaze found her son Draco just shrugged, as apparently they had talked and that was the form of address they had both decided on. "Malfoy just tripped over me, yeah? Was an accident— he just fell into him! I'm dead fuckin' clumsy an' get in the way of everything; Mum tell her."

Cassandra just narrowed her eyes, her gaze shifting from Gregory to Draco. "So you just… tripped."

"He's clumsy," Draco reiterated with an impressively straight face, pointing to Goyle. Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Besides, even if I didn't just 'trip', I couldn't use my wand— I'm underage and we aren't on the train yet. I can't even be given detention or anything either since we're not on school property. You're just supposed to discipline me."

He gave her this smile like he knew she would not, and Narcissa exhaled a long breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. Of course she wasn't going to; he had enough to deal with already. "Fine, you fell. But Draco, and you too, Gregory— there might be more people at school who are going to say unkind things about us, and you both need to keep your tempers in check. They're just words— all it does is prove that they have nothing better to do with their lives than gossip, and that's pathetic. Rise above it."

Both boys rolled their eyes and Cassandra snapped, "Hey! None of that— she means it, so say that ya understand."

"Fine," Draco droned on while Gregory mumbled something that sounded like, "Yeah, whatever," which did not fill either woman with much confidence, but it wasn't like they could police them while they were at school. They both tried to wander off then, but Narcissa grabbed her son's sleeve, keeping him from going too far while Gregory went back over to Vincent.

"Draco, you need to be careful— especially now," Narcissa tried to reason with him in a low tone. "Please do not do anything foolish. Although I appreciate your desire to, defending my honor is not worth getting in trouble for."

"Fine, okay— it just pissed me off," Draco grumbled, rolling his shoulder to get out of his mother's grip. The horn blared indicating the arrival of the train, and Draco asked impatiently, "Can I go now?"

"Yes, of course. Please— don't forget to write, okay? Just…" Narcissa lowered her voice then to remind him, "be careful of what you put in your letters."

"I know, I know," Draco responded exasperatedly, as though this whole interaction was taxing for him. Perhaps he just was going overboard on the typical teenage behavior though to offset his nerves about his return to school. Before Draco left for the train, his gaze caught Cassandra's, his voice much smaller as he addressed her. "You're… gonna take care of my Mother, right?"

"Of course I will, honey. Ya don't gotta worry, I promise."

Draco nodded, believing her as he gave her a small smile. But then some girl was yelling for him with, "Draco! Draco! Did you really punch Harper? That's bloody hilarious—" and as she ran up to him she took his arm, which no doubt meant she was the famous Pansy. She was pretty, thankfully; the grating tone of her voice left something to be desired, but whatever made her son happy, Narcissa supposed.

The blonde watched them go with a heavy heart, hoping that no matter what happened this year, that Draco would make it through in one piece. For now though, all she could do was wait, and so Narcissa took her girlfriend's hand in hers once more, hoping that Cassandra could save her from the wreck that her sanity was about to become, because she knew Bellatrix would not be able to.

TBC…