Chapter 26: Madness
Brandon carefully watches Aegon as he sleeps between us. "You're sure he is okay?" Brandon asked.
"He is fine, he stopped crying." I reminded him Brandon was much more upset about it then Aegon ever was and I did not have it in my heart not to take pity on him. I asked him to come to bed he brought the already sleeping Aegon because he wanted to make sure he was okay which was sweet.
"I am the reason he was crying." Brandon said moving back Aegon's silver hair out of his face he needed it cut.
"You're also the reason he stopped crying, as soon as you picked him up, he was fine love." I remind with a little chuckle.
"I dropped your son how can you be so nice to me." Brandon asked softly so upset with himself.
"It was only an accident. Everyone feels like a terrible parent sometimes, for me it was when I feel asleep Nursing Rhaenys and Ashara had to keep her on my breast." I admit and he smiles.
"Really?" He asked with a laugh I was glad he was feeling better.
"Really I was exhausted Birthing Rhaenys was very hard on me and Rhaegar was eager to have a son and heir, so we were already trying again before I was off bed rest."
Brandon gets quiet in that way he does when he trying to not let his anger out, he over comes it soon and kisses my head. "I would never do that to you." He whispers quietly.
"I know you're a much better man." I promise and he smiles and kisses me again. My pregnancy with this baby so far had been my easiest of all, both times I was shut in a dark room as soon as it was known so I would not strain myself. I was still walking around every day after my children and Luwin said it was fine even beneficial for the babe I carried.
"I decided to pardon the Bolton boy because of you and Benjen." He says softly.
"Thank you." I tell him I reach over Aegon to touch Brandon's arm. "You did the right thing."
"Mayhaps but if the man he becomes rises against me or my family I will kill him." Brandon promises.
"I know, as you must." I sigh war was horrible but inevitable as long as Brandon waited to kill people once they wronged him, I would understand.
"I still cannot believe I dropped him." Brandon says looking down at Aegon. "I would never mean to hurt him."
"You were asleep." I remind.
"I was having a nightmare." He admits.
"Not the throne room again?" I ask he only nods, he had said he has not had that dream in so long I was hoping it would not plague him any longer. "You were being choked?" I ask its horrible for me to picture I cannot imagine Brandon going through it.
"No Ben." He says softly my hand touches my lips to keep from shrieking. "I am so sorry; I know that was your worst fear." I whisper.
"It was not even the worst part." He admits quietly.
"W-what could be worse?" I asked horrified Brandon loved Benjen with all his heart.
"It was not my father being burned…it was our son." He says I do not know how to processes this, but he continues. "At least how I imagine our son." He admits.
It is sweet to think Brandon imagines our child but I am stuck on the thought of a child not born dying my hand clutches my belly protectively.
"Aerys cannot hurt our baby he's dead." I remind mostly myself.
"It was not Aerys it was Aegon laughing madly on the throne." He tells me and watches for my reaction slowly I sit up. I had thought of it before of course seeing the mad king, and even the glimmer that sometimes appeared in Rhaegar's eyes I wondered if my own children could be effective, I always hoped the Martell in my children would be stronger, better their blood be fire then their entire worlds.
"It was just a dream it will never happen." Brandon assures as he rubs my back.
"He's half Targaryen what if-" The tears well in my eyes my hormones were racing to much for these kinds of things.
"He is Targaryen on the outside he is all you on the inside E, he stopped crying as soon as I picked him up he forgives me as soon as he saw my destress just like how you let me back into your bed when you saw my destress." Brandon said squashing my fears.
"Will you hold me?" I ask softly.
"Always my love." He promises he moves Aegon onto his other arms and pulls me close I rest my hand against my sleeping sons chest to affirm that he has a good heart though I think everything about my son is good I love him so deeply I am not sure I would be able to tell. I was terribly angry with Brandon for wanting to kill the son of a man who spited him I wondered if I would hold my son to the same standard.
Brandon kisses my head he knows how I can obsess over things. "We are raising him Elia we will raise him to be a good man with good values."
"I know I just…Rhaegar." I say not having the nerve to finish it he seemed fine for so long so many people loved him he too had a doting mother and he went mad.
Brandon does not hesitate. "He is more mine then Rhaegars."
"I love you with all my heart Brandon stark.
"I love you and your little ones." He promises. "We need a new baby name." Brandon said I do not ask I just assume it was ruined by his dream.
"Alright my love, but I want a Raya at some point, it was Benjen's idea and I am very fond of it."
"Alright love." Brandon says tiredly I wonder if he realizes he has agreed to at least another baby with me.
Regardless I am able to rest easy with Brandon's assurances he makes me feel safe in any way I need.
The days to come are happy, the children run about the halls and yard with their games and Nan says this is best that Winterfell is best when filled with laughter of lordlings and I cannot help but agree.
Benjen is in a much better mood no longer confined to his bed, Rhaenys has appointed herself his main caretaker as she is under the impression Luwin is her assistant. Thankfully Luwin finds it charming.
Brandon is becoming the great lord he was always meant to be Infront of my very eyes it is wonderful to watch him whether it is a squabble between lords or him listening to the needs of his people.
The Bolton boy and his mother both bend the knee, Brandon requires the same of Barbery though if she bend the knee she will not keep her husband's lands, house Dustin now follows a distant cousin instead of its lady, a cousin who fought with Brandon instead of against him.
The maids tell me everything she does including almost daily inviting Brandon to see her, but he never does he knows she is trying to seduce them. I find these maids are offended on my behalf, I did my best to protect them from Bolton and his men and now they give me their loyalty. Throughout Winterfell I am no longer the foreigner Lord Stark had to marry, I am Lady Stark carrying his child and everyone is so very happy when they see the bump in my dress.
The court of the mad king and the court of Dragonstone showed Rhaegar no such loyalty though he never showed the same love for his unborn baby Brandon did so publicly. When I told Rhaegar I was having Rhaenys he just nodded and said. "It pleases me that you are already pregnant it means you are fertile" and at the time I was so happy to have pleased him I wanted so desperately to be loved.
Still I remembered having Rhaenys. I had never been more tired in all my life and I was dripping with sweet, but I smiled when I looked at her. I loved her so much I could not stop staring at her as I held her in my arms, I would not let the wetnurse touch her. She had powerful lungs and screeched.
"She already knows she is a princess." Ashara laughed.
Rhaegar came in after the baby and I were cleaned I had hated every moment they took my baby away from me, they cleaned her and wrapped her in a blanket of red and black with golden crowns across it. The doors swung open and my handsome prince walked in. Rhaegar's calculating purple eyes studied her.
"Rhaegar." I whispered softly after hours of labor I was still weak and yearned for something loving from him something that was not a formality.
"Well, do I have a son." He asked finally and I did not know what to say.
"You have a beautiful health baby girl your highness." Ashara answered barely hiding her annoyance.
He could not hide his disappointment and it was all the strength I had left not to cry.
"We are both young enough, a boy will follow. "He said before leaving he came back later and held her. "We will call her Rhaenys." He decides.
"Rhaenys? For the woman who tried unsuccessfully to burn Dorne?" Ashara asked seeing this as the insult Rhaegar was making it. Rhaegar smiles the way he does when he thinks he is witty.
"Yes, but see, we got you in the end and this babe can honor that."
I leave such thoughts behind as we prepare for the Lord Hands arrival, he is coming to make sure come to his treaty this time.
Brandon decides we will great him in the great hall and remind him who is the lord here. From the high table Jon Arryn looked older than I remembered and like his men he stared at my son no doubt he was supposed to report how the Targaryen boy was.
"Aegon come here, you too Rhae." Brandon tells them they do as told and he puts each of them on his lap his own way of telling Jon Arryn they are under his protection.
"Lord Stark." Jon Arryn greets.
"Lord Arryn." Brandon replies.
It's Ned who goes over and hugs lord Arryn who is thrilled with pride looking at his old ward.
"Shall we speak in private Lord Stark?" Jon askes uncomfortably.
Brandon nods "Mind Lady Catelyn." He tells the children as they get off him and go over to Cat. He stands and extends his hand to me. Jon Arryn look bewildered, but I take it grateful for the help and the three of us go to Brandon's study.
"Perhaps we should speak privately." Jon says again.
"This effects Lady Stark as well." Brandon reminds and Jon Arryn nods as he sits.
"After your own troubles in the north, you can understand the need for a whole Westeroes." Jon reminds.
"Where were you and yours when we had troubles in the north?"
"Let us not forget lord Stark we are allies." Jon Arryn reminds.
"Then you are not a very good ally." Brandon says not one to stand down.
Jon Arryn does not address the barb and continues. "The king cannot look moved by the Starks whim; the treaty will be in the capital."
"I will not be in attendance and neither will my wife." Brandon says simply.
"You would rather it was held at Winterfell?" Jon Arryn.
"No, I do not mean to fill Winterfell with Rats from court." Brandon said ignoring the aghast look Lord Arryn gave him.
"I feel we have been more then accommodating." Jon Arryn admits.
"So, don't be, have it in Kingslanding we will not attend."
"Then the Martells will not attend if they do not first lay eyes on their sister." Jon Arryn reminds I want to go to see my brothers, but I too despise the capital and would refuse to bring my children there.
"My children will not leave Winterfell." I tell Jon Arryn. Their safety had to come before what I wanted.
"And Elia will not leave Winterfell until after the baby is born, I will not risk either of them for your peace." Brandon says sternly. I did not want to leave the baby after it was born either.
"So, Winterfell would be the only option." Jon sighs he is not the type of man who likes going in circles.
"I will not fill Winterfell with southern politicians scheming for their means." Brandon says.
"I thought we were rats?" Jon Arryn japes to show his own minimal wit.
"Rats are preferable to schemers." Brandon assures.
"And why is that?" Jon Arryn asked.
"Rats are easier to spot and easier to kill. "Brandon says and Jon laughs at the jape.
"You are so like your father Lord Stark he was a difficult man to." Lord Arryn says.
"A stark trait I hear." Brandon says. "This is what we will do, only the Dornish will sail to Winterfell we will host them and they can see their princess is well and loved with their own eyes and then they can travel to Kingslanding for your treaty." Brandon says marvelously I" love every word of his idea I wonder if he planned it the whole time.
"That is...agreeable I expect you to do your part and make sure they are in a good mood when they leave here" Jon Arryn says.
"Then it is settled." Brandon says simply.
"Send Ned to the treaty so it at least looks like you care about peace."
"Lord Stark cares about peace just not formalities." I tell Jon Brandon smirks looking at me happily.
"And that's all your Treaty is Lord Arryn." He says his eyes stay on me he takes my hand in his. "Not to say you do not have some good ideas, our marriage was brilliant." He says making me smile.
"So I see." Lord Arryn says with a little smile.
Lord Arryn does not stay long only a few nights and he is gone again to tell Robert he got the wild wolf to agree to something more then he had imagined. I still cannot believe I might see my brothers again the idea fills my heart with Joy when I already thought it was full.
On a particularly nice day I ask Benjen if he would like to go on a walk with me and the children and he is thrilled, Luwin says not to long in fear of Benjen opening old wounds but in truth Benjen is walking better then I am today. I go to ask Catlyn but her chamber door is bolted and it is to silent inside I smile to myself Ned will not be leaving for sometime but apparently they are getting ahead stark on saying goodbye.
Instead the boys accompany us. Aegon, Robb, Jon, and even little Lord Bolton all have wooden swords and run around us while we walk.
"You have to be careful with Jon he isn't as big as you!" Aegon scolds the other boys' words he no doubt learned from Rhaenys who told him the same just as I told her about Aegon, it is sort of sweet how they mother each other.
I watch them play, the misplaced prince, the bastard, the heir, and the traitors son, names people already whisper about them some names which mean they should be enemies but they have not been corrupted by the world yet. To them they are all just boys with wooden swords playing together.
"You can be on my side Jon?" Domeric offers he is a kind obedient child and Jon smiles that big wonderful smile that is all his no trace of Rhaegars brooding frown or the wolf girls smirk it is perfectly Jon.
"Plant your feet Robb." Benjen reminds I smile wondering how long ago it was Brandon and Eddard were saying that to Benjen, Winterfell is not just a castle it is the starks home where they grow and teach each other, where my children are welcome as any, Roose Bolton thought he could take this from us but he could not. As we walk past the dark green trees with that wonderful smell we do not even have in dorne, I realize I do not just love Brandon I love all of Winterfell and I am so happy my children get to live here.
"I wrote Breana a letter." Benjen tells me as we walk.
"That's so sweet I am sure she will love it!" I tell him he blushes and looks down.
"I am not good at these things I was hoping you would look at it first to make sure it is alright." He says softly.
"Absolutely, but wouldn't you rather one of your brothers looked at it?" I asked they were men after all and Brandon was the ladies man besides Catelyn says when they are alone she gets a softness out of Ned that he hides from the world and I understand what she means there is apart of Brandon I like to think is saved just for me and our babes.
"No I do not wish to be tormented." He says making me laugh.
"They only do that because they care." I remind. "Someday these boys will be lovestruck and you will be tormenting them." I tell him and he laughs.
"I bet the girls will love Aegon and his silver hair." Benjen laugh and I laugh to.
"When Aegon was finally born after 3 long days I watched the midwives and wet nurses coo over his silver hair." I told him not mentioning I passed out not long after wards. At first, I was so thrilled when everyone called him a perfect Targaryen princess until I realized I doomed Rhaenys to be the Dornish looking princess who would be in the shadow of the perfect Targaryen boy. Rhaegar did not give me the gratitude I was sure I would get from him after having his son, instead he calmly named him Aegon the name for a king. I asked if he would right our baby a song and he replied his was the song of ice and fire not a day old and Aegon was apart of Rhaegars prophecies, they were both lucky to be free of him.
We were going back in when we got to the yard and there was Brandon and Rhaenys brushing her little pony.
"Wont the people in the stable brush her." Rhaenys asked.
"Yes but it's good to take care of your own stead it shows you care about them, besides what if your off on a quest you won't have a stable and staff to depend on." Brandon tells her.
"I can go on a quest?" She asks.
"When your older and only if you invite me." He teases.
I smile watching them.
"LORD STARK WATCH OUT!" Is yelled as the master of horses loses control of a young stallion that bucks him off and gets up on his hind legs. Brandon pulls Rhaenys under him as she cries for her little pony that runs off. He is careful to shield her as he moves her out of the dangerous area. Benjen keeps the boys back until the horse is under control.
"Brandon!" I shout.
"Elia she is fine, I am fine everyone is fine." Brandon promises.
"Brandon!" I more shriek I wobble and Benjen grabs my shoulder to keep me up. "The baby!" I say as I feel the hot liquid running down my legs followed by a long slow pain. "The baby is coming!"