anonymous asked: can you please do a drabble where Renji is remembering his wild squad 11 style birthday party but then at the end once he finishes his flashback he's celebrating his birthday in the present with Rukia and Ichika
"This is number 10," Zaraki informed Renji, beady, bloodshot eye staring into beady, bloodshot eyes. "Not everyone makes it to ten."
"I would stop after one," Yumichika made his frowniest frowny face.
"You're smarter than the rest of us," Iba replied.
"I am ready," Renji confirmed, gripping his cup as the Kenpachi filled it with sake from his "special stash."
Renji had drunk a lot of horrible sake in his time. As it turned out, rotgut from deep North Rukongai had an entirely different flavor profile than the pigswill of his Southern youth. It hit you in the nose, rather than the ears, smelled more like a bog than an armpit, and the unpleasant aftereffects tended to come out the opposite end. On the other hand, bad sake was bad sake, and it was hardly a birthday without it.
"Kampei!" Renji and Zaraki shouted together, and down the hatch it went. Cheers went up around them.
"You're a good man, Abarai," Zaraki declared, standing up, and clapping him on the shoulder. "Happy birthday. I'm out. Yachiru! It's bedtime!"
"Thank you, sir!" Renji hollered, far too loud, as Yachiru abandoned the bowl of wasabi peas she had been mainlining to hop onto the Kenpachi's shoulder.
"Night, sir!" various members of Squad 11 chorused.
Zaraki was a good captain, Renji mused to himself, drunkenly. He showed up, drank enough to show that he cared, but then he took off, because no one really wanted to get birthday-wasted in front of their boss.
Birthdays at the Eleventh were very thoughtful affairs, in Renji's opinion. First thing in the morning, you got to have a big public fight with anyone from the squad. Seated officers could choose to fight the big man, which, of course, he had. This year, he had made it 52 seconds, and was feeling very pleased with himself. He was given the rest of the morning off to nap, and then he got to run newb drills all afternoon. And now it was half past booze o'clock. A perfect end to a perfect day.
"I got you your favorite. Happy birthday, loser," Iba announced, sliding a fizzy blue concoction bristling with fruit on toothpicks down the table.
"Maybe you should give him a chance to catch his breath," Big Maki suggested. "Zaraki shots are no joke."
"This is catching my breath," Renji replied, fishing out a pineapple chunk and eating it. Iba always got him this tropical mess as a joke, and Renji always drank them, absolutely stonefaced, as though curly straws and paper umbrellas were just standard issue drinking equipment. The joke was on Iba, to be honest, these dang things were delicious.
"Where is the birthday booooooy?" a musical voice trilled.
Renji's head whipped around, which immediately made him very dizzy. He waved his hand enthusiastically.
"Don't get up," Yumichika warned, standing and beckoning more staidly. "He's over here! He's pretty well soaked already."
Suddenly, there was a shapely pair of arms wrapped around Renji's neck, and a more sensuous than necessary kiss pressed into his cheek. "Happy birthday, cute stuff!" Matsumoto said throatily. "That's a fancy drink, can I have some?"
"Get your own!" Renji crowed cheerfully.
"Ha, ha, I would never," the lieutenant of the Tenth laughed, sliding into the seat next to him, and then stealing a cherry out of his glass.
"I would not have guessed a bar called 'Five Fingers of Death' would serve fruity drinks," Hisagi Shuuhei, Third Seat of the Ninth added, plopping down on Renji's other side.
"Shuuhei!" Renji exclaimed.
Ever since he got promoted to Sixth Seat, Yumichika had been trying to get Renji involved in his larger social circle, which mostly orbited around Matsumoto. The fact that it included Hisagi, whom he had known in school, had been a pleasant surprise. He definitely remembered looking up to Hisagi in his youth, but since they had reconnected, Renji was continually struck with how cool the guy was, and also how good-looking.
"Well?" Renji demanded from Shuuhei, with a boldness that came from having enough sake in his gut to pickle a daikon. "Matsumoto paid up. Where's my birthday present?"
Shuuhei laughed and planted a kiss on his other cheek, before fishing something that might have been a chunk of mango out of the blue monstrosity.
Renji felt warm and happy. "Better buy me another drink, Iba," he hooted, "Everyone's stealing mine."
"Buy your own, jerkoff," Iba rejoined merrily.
"That wasn't your birthday present, by the way," Matsumoto replied suggestively.
"Oh?" Renji asked, trying to raise an eyebrow, except that he couldn't feel most of his face.
"A little bird," Matsomoto went on, "who went to school with you, told me about a trick you used to do at the bar."
Renji wracked his brains. He hadn't done a lot of drinking in his school days, and certainly not a lot of drinking in bars, mostly because he'd been broke all the time.
"It wasn't at the bar, it was at the gym," Shuuhei clarified.
Realization hit Renji like a dropped free weight. He slammed his hands palm down on the tabletop excitedly. "Is it Bench Your Friends day?"
"You're not benching me," Yumichika immediately declared.
"What's Bench Your Friends day?" Ikkaku demanded, intrigued.
"Bench press is a very efficient way to work your entire upper body," Renji explained with the self-perceived gravitas that comes with being sloshed out of your gourd. "Free weights are a better way to build muscle, 'cause you are responsible for your own balance and stability. Next step up from that, control-wise, is to bench press a person, especially if that person doesn't particularly want to be bench-pressed."
"Why would you let him do this to you?" Yumichika grimaced.
"Well, I really just want to see him bench press someone else, but I wouldn't mind," Matsumoto mused. "I think I would look very sexy being used as exercise equipment."
"If you can bench Hisagi, I'll let you try to bench me!" Ikkaku roared.
"I did not volunteer," Hisagi pointed out.
"DEAL!" Renji bellowed.
"UP!"
Renji blinked, slowly returning to present day reality. "Huh?"
"Pick me UP, Daddy! I want to do a high dive!"
"Alright, alright."
It took two tries to get up from the lawn chair, but he made it. He took a long stretch, and made a show of flexing his upper arms for his daughter, who was completely unimpressed. Finally, he scooped her up and held her by the hips over his head. "You ready?"
"I am ready!" she announced, holding her arms over her head in a diving position.
"Here we go!" Renji yelled, and lowered her slowly into the rubber inflatable pool that was set up in their backyard. Ichika made a variety of poses on the way down, pointing her toes, making wide, elegant gestures with her arms. "Perfect 10," Renji announced, when she was sitting in the pool, spitting water in a little fountain. "Do you want to go again?"
"I want to run around."
"Go, then."
Ichika leapt to her feet and went tearing, pell-mell around the yard again. Renji flopped back into his lawn chair and plopped his feet back in the pool.
It had been brutally hot all day, but the heat was finally starting to subside as evening came on. Akon had made the pool and brought it over last week for Nemu and Ichika to play in, because evidently, every time he set one up over at the 12th, it got "repurposed." Renji did not want to know the details. Renji was a big fan of the pool. Ichika had been nominally playing in it all afternoon. Mostly, she was running around in her bathing suit, shouting. Occasionally, she would hurl herself into it, thoroughly splashing her father, and then run off again.
Rukia stepped onto the porch, sliding the door closed behind her with one foot. She'd changed from her shihakushou into a Living World style sundress that left her arms and legs bare. Even after a long day at work, she looked cheerful and gorgeous. Renji smiled fondly at her. After a long afternoon of chasing his toddler around, he was sure he looked like hot, damp doggy doo.
Rukia made her way over to him, nimbly dodging Ichika as she serpentined her way around the yard. She held out a glass containing a pale green liquid. It was practically radiating cold. "I have made you," she said, as Renji took it gratefully from her hand, "a margarita. I followed Uryuu's directions very carefully and then doubled the alcohol."
Renji took a sip as Rukia flopped into the lawn chair next to his, and slid her feet gracefully into the pool. "It's perfect," he declared. "You're a genius."
"Happy birthday," Rukia said, tipping her head over onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry it wasn't much."
"What are you talking about?" Renji grunted. "I got to yell at my squad for 2 hours this morning, like I like. I spent all afternoon digging up worms with my amazing kid, and then my beautiful wife brought me take-out, so I didn't have to cook. I am way too tired to actually go to the bar, but I don't have to, because you brought this right to me, here, in my luxury cabana. Another one or two of these and I am definitely gonna be lights out. Can't think of a more perfect birthday, to be honest."
"Hmm, if we can get Ichika to go to sleep, I had some ideas for some things that could happen between margaritas number two and three."
"Oh, really?" Renji asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Suddenly, Ichika crashed into his lap, wet, with bits of grass plastered up her legs. "DADDY!" she yelled. "Is it dessert time! Can we eat the taiyaki Mama brought home now?"
"The what Mama brought home?" he asked, faking surprise.
"Do you remember what a secret is?" Rukia reminded her daughter. "We talked about it?"
"But it's time to eat them, so they aren't secret anymore!"
"Yeah, Rukia, obviously," Renji managed with a perfectly straight face.
"I would call you a traitor, but it's your birthday, so I will go get you your fish waffles," Rukia replied, shoving her drink into his free hand and pressing a kiss into the side of his temple.
"I LOVE TAIYAKI!" Ichika sang at the top of her lungs. "I WISH EVERYDAY WAS DADDY'S BIRTHDAAAAAAAAY!"
Renji admired the way his wife's rear end swayed as she headed back into the house. He contemplated whether he could still drink out of two glasses at the same time, another old bar trick he was once modestly famous for. "Me, too, kid," he agreed. "Me, too."