Authors Note: This is written under the impression that Paul has not imprinted yet. This book takes place in May and he imprints in July, I think correct me if I am wrong. Also, I don't know what Paul's mom's job was so i made her an ER nurse.
Paul arrived at exactly twelve o'clock, stiffly coming through the door as the alpha order carried him in.
"Hello Paul," I said.
He stared at me blankly. He was as uncomfortable as last time, being on vampires land, talking to a hybrid about his emotions. Last time, Sam came and practically dragged the words out of Paul, which were still not that many. So this time I thought that we would do something a little differently.
"Pizza will be here any minute," I said.
"What?" he said in shock.
"Yeah I thought we could have lunch and talk. But it is a secret. I can't feed everyone," I said laughing.
"What kind did you get?"
"I took a bet and got a large everything for you, and a medium cheese for me."
The doorbell rang.
"That the pizza."
"How much do I owe you?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said. "I am using Carlisle's money." I went and paid for the pizza's and grabbed them. When I came back, Paul had set the table and grabbed some cokes, Seth had introduced me to Coca Cola. I put the pizza boxes in the middle and grabbed a slice of the cheese, setting it on my plate. I picked up a fork and knife and started cutting the pizza at the tip.
"You use a fork and knife?" scoffed Paul.
"Yes," I said. "That is how we do it in Italy. How do you eat it?"
Paul picked up his pizza, folded it lengthwise, and stuffed it in his mouth, taking a huge bite.
"How uncivilized," I commented.
Paul laughed.
I took a sip of my Coca-Cola. I could get used to this, but we had work to do.
"Shall we begin?" I asked.
"Fine," huffed Paul.
"You came back," I observed.
"Sam alpha ordered me to."
"So you are here against your will."
"Yeah."
"Is it because this is Cullens land, and I am a hybrid?"
Paul took a bite and swallowed, thinking. "It was at first. But I am in two groups and seeing you once a week, so I got used to that quickly. Now it's just…"
"What?"
"Well, I bet when Billy called you he said that we all were angry because we all had something to work on. You know, Sam had a shit life, Leah's dad died, Jacob might lose his best friend to a vampire, so yeah none of them can adjust. But, why is it hard on me? Why do I have all of the anger anyway? I should be okay."
"So what you are saying is since you do not have the struggles of say Sam, Leah, or Jacob, you should be better adjusted."
"Yeah."
I sighed. "Should is a judgmental word. It tells you that you are not living up to your own standard. The world has enough standards on you, don't add to it. What you are doing is comparing your struggles to others and saying since yours is presumably less you should be fine. That is not fair to you.
"Rosalie and I died the same way. She has found love and can express herself with Emmett. I can't stand men. If I went around and berated myself and said I should heal myself and go date a guy, I will force myself into uncomfortable situations. Healing comes in stages and you can't rush it."
"Okay, but I don't even know what I need to be healed from. I don't know why I have problems, I just do. At least Sam can say he's angry at his Dad, and Jacob is mad that Bella rejected him, and Leah lost her dad because of something stupid she did. Why am I angry?"
"Okay, let's explore that. Let's look at your life and see some of the basic hurts. You told me that your parents divorced when you were young, how old were you?"
"Eight."
"What do you know about what happened?"
"My mom cheated on my dad, and he filed for divorce. She did not want custody of me, so he got full custody, and he took me here to La Push."
"How do you know she did not want custody of you?"
"I overheard my dad talking to Billy one time."
"When?"
"I was about eleven."
"So what did they tell you before you were eleven?"
"She was an ER nurse like Sue. They told me between her shifts and my school I couldn't see her often."
"How did that make you feel?"
"How do you think?!" he shouted.
His anger did not phase me. "I would be angry and hurt."
"Yeah!" he said getting up to put the plate in the sink. Also, he washed his hands. I let him walk away a little and try to gain control over his thoughts. This was a painful session for him, and we did not know each other that well. He probably did not realize that I was not trying to hurt him.
I watched him intently as he cleaned the dish meticulously, and soon I noticed that his shoulders were moving up and down rapidly. From the intensity of the shaking, I did not think that he was going to phase, because they were not going fast enough. I suspected that he was crying but was unsure until a sob broke through the silence.
"Paul, why are you crying?"
"I am not crying!"
He sniffed a little bit, and kept washing the dishes. I sat where I was, knowing if he moved, he must turn around and face me. Sometimes silence speakers louder than words. When he was done with the last of the dishes and drained the sink, he turned around and I saw his face. His eyes were bloodshot, there were tear stains down his cheeks, and his nose was runny.
"Paul, come sit with me in the therapy room."
Paul followed me to the room, as I sat in my chair, and he sat on the couch. He folded his arms, and then rubbed his eyes, as if to dry them. I sat patiently.
"What?" he snapped.
"I am waiting for you to tell me why you are crying."
"Because my own damn mother does not love me!"
I closed my eyes. I experienced the same hurt with my father. "Alright there are two options. One, you are unworthy of love. Or two, she is full of shit."
"How do I know which one?"
"Do other people love you?"
He nodded.
"Who?"
"My dad. The Pack. Billy. Sue. Harry did."
"Then wouldn't it follow that your mother is full of shit?"
He smiled. "Maybe."
"I know it hurts that she does not want to be a part of your life. But that is a reflection on her not a reflection on you."
He took a deep breath and nodded. "I guess that makes it a little better."
"That is the goal Paul. I can't fix what makes you angry, but we can talk about it and make it a little better."