Remember Me

by EternalBella

After Hope is born, Emma disappears into another mysterious realm. She doesn't remember her husband, her children, or any of her family. Her memories are gone. Determined to find out how to break his wife's curse, Killian is shocked to find that Emma is not the wife he knew, instead, Emma is lost in the past, and her family must help her find out and remember who she is.

23. Chapter 23

Emma

The night after we returned to Storybrooke, Killian and I decided to go out for drinks at a club that was downtown. I had invited my parents, Neal, Regina and Robin and Henry. I figured a celebratory night of dancing was much needed after our return from the past. Granny had excitedly agreed to babysit Hope. I had provided a can of formula and a pacifier for her. I also had asked my husband to go also because we needed time to ourselves tonight. Yes, we had made up last night, but I figured we needed more quality time, even just a few hours to ourselves with no interruptions, so that we could enjoy each other.

I had dressed in a simple black lacey sleeveless blouse and jeans with my hair curled, which cascaded down my back. I had black leather boots, of course, and one of my favorite deep-red leather jackets. Killian wore his usual Captain Hook attire, with a button up black shirt and matching leather jacket.

As we stepped up to the door of the new club in Storybrooke, he leaned forward to open the front entrance door for me with an attempt to catch my eye. I smiled at him endearingly as I entered the club with him right behind me. He walked right behind my shoulder as we paused in our steps to survey the colorfully lit bar and the booths with red leather cushions. A fast, hip hoppy song with a fast beat pulsed throughout the club was playing in the background, and several people were out wiggling and grooving on the open dancefloor towards the back of the club.

Killian said in my ear, "So you finally agree to take me out for drinks." I knew he meant to tease me, although it was still a jab in the side concerning when I had gone with Neal in the past.

I turned to slide him an artificial look of irritation. I said in a flirtatious tone, "Yet who is the one who takes me home at night, no matter what?" I asked, with a curl to my words, to sound enticing and frisky. I put my palm on his arm and rubbed it.

He cracked a smirk and said, "Sometimes I still cannot believe that you are my wife." His eyes were full of admiration and wonder as he panned my body.

I squeezed his upper arm affectionately. I nodded and said, "I know the feeling. Would you like to order some drinks?"

"I'd love anything but water," he replied coquettishly. He raised his eyebrows and grinned, his teeth showing.

"I'll let it slide this time," I said in a sexy tone with a soft chuckle. He took my hand and led me to the bar. We ordered our drinks and then carried them to the tables to find a table to sit at. I panned the crowds, which there were a lot of people, for our family and friends. My eyes snagged on Snow, David, Neal, Regina, Henry Robin and Zelena. They were laughing. Snow spotted me, and then they all turned their heads to see us and waved ecstatically.

Killian's hand slipped from the small of my back, to hook around my waist. He kept his hand around me as we weaved our way to our friends' table. I beamed at them in greeting.

Snow slid closer to David to make room on one of the ends of the booth seats. She exclaimed, "You made it! Granny's got Neal with her too. Not you, Neal." She smiled at adult-Neal. "Not you."

Neal grinned in return and then dragged his gaze up to me and then to Killian. He lifted his chin warmly, but he didn't let his eyes linger on me. He faced Henry and patted his back. "Yeah I know. Don't worry, I'm not letting him drink." Neal said to me with a convincing smile. "He's got Dr. Pepper." He pointed to Henry's glass who smirked at me and rolled his eyes.

Henry said, "Like my grandparents would let me drink."

Regina said with attitude, "You mean like I would let you drink." She arched an eyebrow at Henry and then snuggled against Robin who nodded at Killian and me.

Killian lifted his hand for me to slide into the booth first and then followed me after I plopped down. I took a drink of my rum and Coke. Killian wrapped his arm around me, which made my heart flutter. He still had that effect on me. I slid my arm around his arm and held onto him. I rested my chin on his shoulder for a moment as Zelena talked, "So Granny is running her own daycare by night, cook by day. My Robin is also at her home as well."

"Ashley took the night off," Henry said as he took a swig of his Dr. Pepper. He seemed to have spotted someone out in the clusters of people. I turned to look, and it was his girlfriend. Henry's face lit up. He set down his soda with purpose and inched out of the booth, Regina and Robin sliding out of his way so that he could get up. He was grinning so joyfully that my heart felt so full it might burst. I watched Henry lope over to Violet, who was wearing an adorable light purple casual lavender dress and a headband in her hair. She smiled at us, but her eyes landed on me and her grin grew brighter. I waved at her in approval. She walked over and said, "It's good to see you all."

I squeezed Killian's arm to let me out, which he moved and stood up so that I could rise and throw my arms around Violet's shoulders. She hugged me back and stared up at me admiringly. I said, "You look beautiful Violet. I didn't know you were joining us."

Violet seemed stumped with a half confused, half happy smile.

Henry quickly said to me, "We're actually going out tonight on a date." He paused as questions brewed in my mind. I smiled at him and nodded once. Henry added, "Dad and I picked her up at the airport. So, she's here for a couple days."

I made sure that I gave Violet a sweet, loving look. "I don't mind that. I'm glad you've come to see my son." I ticked my eyes to Henry and added quietly to him, "You know I don't mind you dating. Go have fun." Violet smiled at Killian and waved at our table. Henry seemed to be flushed, perhaps with embarrassment and the thrill of being with his first love. They weaved through the crowds of people and disappeared out the front door.

I turned to Killian. "Our son's growing up." I faced the faces at our table. Regina raised her eyebrows and took a drink of her apple martini. She whispered something to Robin but they both ended up smiling. She seemed at peace, until she shot Neal a warning look. He lifted his hands in surrender. He quickly glanced at me and shrugged. "I had to."

"I'm not upset. Everyone needs their happy ending," I replied. I leaned into my husband who was watching Neal rather carefully, as if discerning if he should still be concerned. I could sense it, but the way Killian hugged me against him. I ensured him by placing my hand on his chest and rubbing it. I kept my palm on his chest. He rubbed my side and slid me a placating smile. Snow chugged the rest of her drink and grabbed David's hand and pulled him out of the booth as he just blinked his eyes at her. She said, "Common, I wanna dance." She yanked him to the dance floor, and he chuckled lightly as he went willingly with her. They found a spot on the dance floor and started to move from side to side.

I arched an eyebrow at my husband who mirrored my expression and traded a humorous look with me. I said, "Good for them. I think my mother has had a few already."

Robin rose and held out his palm and said, "Come Milady. Care for a dance?"

"Yes, I do," Regina purred as she rose and strode with him, hands linked, with poise and confidence. That left Zelena and Neal. Zelena watched her sister dance on the dance floor and said contently, "Don't look at me, I'm happy with my drink here."

I felt like Killian was becoming concerned about Neal. It wasn't the fact that I was paying any attention to Neal on a personal level, or flirting with him, since I didn't feel attracted to him.

I said to Killian, "Do you need a refill?" I opened my hand for his glass, which he only had a little bit left. He threw his head back and quickly finished it and handed his glass to me.

He smirked. "Why don't I come with you?" I could sense that he didn't want me to go alone.

"You don't need to worry about me," I whispered tenderly. I leaned in to give him a soft kiss. I pulled back and flashed him another encouraging smile and rubbed his arm as I strode past him towards the bar. I set the glasses on a bust cart nearby and then stood at the bar, waiting for the bartender to make eye contact with me.

From the corner of my eye, I sensed someone staring at me, so I glanced to my left and recognized Lily, my friend when I was younger. A thrilled coursed through me to see her. She seemed surprised and pleased. She pressed her lips into a thin smile and grabbed her drink right after the bartender set her drink on the bar. She grabbed it and faced me. I felt the bartender, a man about my age smile at me expectantly.

I said to him, "Rum and Coke and another Rum." He nodded once and began pouring my drinks.

I faced Lily, who slowly and apprehensively approached me. "Hi," she said.

I replied happily, "Lily. You're still here." I picked up my drinks from the bar and smiled at the bartender in appreciation. I stepped out of the way for other people to line up at the bar where there was a clearing. Lily stayed in front of me. She flicked her hand upwards and said, "So how have you been?"

"Really good actually. I got married and just had my second baby."

She arched an eyebrow at me and smiled a little, but mostly in shock. "Wow, life's going well for you, as usual huh?" She took a sip of her drink and glanced around but didn't leave, so I sensed she didn't want to exactly leave our conversation.

I replied, "Sometimes. Just had quite the trip with my family. Wasn't exactly the best time. But we're all safe."

She glanced back at the dance floor and then over at Neal and Killian. They were sitting at our table. Killian didn't seem too pleased to be left with Neal, and Neal was watching the dancefloor. I looked over at Snow and David, who were blissfully dancing. My Mom looked like she was laughing.

I said warmly to Lily, "So how about you? What have you been up to? Dating anyone?"

Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head. She took another drink and lifted one shoulder. "No. I've actually been working here. But I just got off. Thought I would stick around, since this place is crowded tonight." She panned the dimly lit club wide open room. "Wanted to check out who's here."

I nodded and looked around the crowds of people. "Well I'm glad I ran into you. My husband's here." I pointed at Killian across the dancefloor. He noticed me looking at him and lifted his chin and raised his eyebrow as if beckoning me in a seductive way.

She stared at him for a moment and smiled sweetly and then looked away. "You married Captain Hook, huh?" she said sarcastically. She took another swig of her drink and looked over her shoulder. I spotted Regina and Robin dance to a hip-hop song with suave moves. It made me smile to see them so happy. Regina was grinning as Robin moves his arms and his body as if showing off. She moved her hips and bent down to the dancefloor smoothly as if she had taken dance lessons.

Lily said nonchalantly, "Like I said. I get the short end of the stick. I never could keep a guy around. Must be nice." She lifted her drink and said, "Maybe you could rub off on me."

I felt emotional about our past friendship all of a sudden and said softly, "Look, I really am sorry for the past. For the way I treated you when we were kids. I know that you were trying your best to be you and be a friend the best way you knew how. I'm sorry I pushed you away." I gave her a heartfelt smile.

She lifted her eyebrows and blinked her eyes and then after a moment of seeming startled, she said looked like she was going to laugh, but instead she said, "Forget it. It's all good." She flapped the air with her free hand. She looked at the table of Kilian and Neal again. Zelena had gone so I figured it was awkward, judging by how Neal and Killian seemed to be ignoring one another. Neal glanced over at us and then let his gaze drift away.

I widened my smile at Lily and whispered, "Hey, if you're not seeing anybody, Neal is single. I know he's the father of my older son, but he's pretty new to town and he's single." I waited suggestively as I inclined my head towards the table.

She stared at the table at the men again and then evaluated Neal for a few seconds and then faced me. "Sure. Why not? Maybe we can…hang out?" She smiled back at me. I felt overjoyed that she wanted to still be friends after shoving me away the last time I tried to be her friend and reminisce about our childhood. I moved my head towards my table and led the way, with her following.

We stepped to the edge of our table. Killian bounced his eyes between us, as did Neal. I set down my husband's drink in front of him with a loving smile at him and said to Neal, "Neal this is Lily. Lily, meet Neal." I flicked my wrist to wave my hand between them as I introduced them with pleasure, and then plopped down next to Killian. He draped his arm around my shoulders and dipped his chin in greeting to Lily. "Killian, Lily. I know you two met already."

Neal and Lily smiled at each other and then Lily slid into the booth next to Neal with a coy smile at him.

Neal smiled at her and gazed at her for a moment and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure's all mine." She put out her palm and he took it and they shook hands. She squeezed her shoulders upward towards her neck as if attempting to be adorable and crossed one leg over the other. "So, what do you do?" she asked him with a purr in her tone. She took another dip of her drink.

I leaned against my husband and shared a smile with him. His hand held my shoulder affectionately.

Neal shrugged at Lily casually as if he wasn't nervous in her presence. He seemed comfortable. "Nothing yet. This is my second day here. I've been spending time with my son. And you?"

"Bartender," Lily said with a wave of her hand at the ceiling to indicate the club. "But I have tonight off."

He seemed to catch her little flirt, because he smirked at her and held her gaze. He replied smoothly, "Well if you're Emma's friend then you are already mine."

She eyed him as she took another slow sip and then placed her drink glass on the table. She angled her body towards him a little bit. She purred, "So how do you fit into…all of this?" She paused as he blinked. She said genially, "I mean you know Emma so you must be you know a fairy tale character." She stage whispered with her hand. "It's cool, I know all about that. My mother is Maleficent, I mean common now."

He cracked a smile, showing that he wasn't alarmed at her bold question. "I'm actually Mr. Gold's son."
He held my eyes for a second but then looked back to Lily, as if trying to figure out if he should mention that he and I had a past and a son.

I saw Killian glance at me and then look back at Neal calculatingly. I wondered if he was still worried about Neal and me, not that there was anything to be concerned over. Killian took a long gulp of his rum. I slid my arms around him and hugged him tight. I could practically feel him soften up at my touch. He squeezed me closer to him and kissed my forehead. I touched his chin with my fingers and kissed him and looked into his eyes for a moment, still lost in how gorgeous they were and how handsome he was.

Neal watched Lily down the rest of her drink. His was empty. He said to her, "Would you let me buy you another drink?"

She grinned at him and nodded as if flattered. They both slid out of their booth and walked towards the bar.

Killian's hand cupped my shoulder. He wiggled his eyebrows at me and said, "Playing matchmaker, are you, Swan?" He tipped his head back to take a drink of his rum.

I glanced over at them. Lily touched Neal's arm and he seemed smitten by her advance. They stood together at the bar and seemed to be talking, hitting it off. "Yeah," I said fondly. "I think they both need someone. Everyone else is paired up. Well, except Zelena, wherever she went." I scanned the clusters of people. I thought I spotted Regina and Robin heading out of the club, and my parents near the bar with Mom getting another drink.

"Do you have your old friend back?" Killian asked.

I shrugged and watched Lily laugh at something that Neal said. He was holding a drink as was she and they were still in conversation. He rolled his eyes up and down her as if he liked her. I felt relieved and pleased. "I don't know. I hope so. But I think Neal has a new friend."

He flashed me a tight smile and then quickly widened it at me as I evaluated him carefully. I felt alarmed. I said, "What? What is that look?"

"Nothing, Love." He flashed all of his white teeth. I could sense he was lying about something. I could see how nervous he was all of a sudden as he stared back at me as if fear was behind his eyes.

"Uh oh, what did you do?" I asked teasingly.

"Don't worry, everything is fine."

"I know you're lying." I placed my hand on his knee and stroked it, halfway playfully. I tilted my head to the side and waited for him to respond.

He lifted his hand to indicate Neal. "I may have, casually, told Neal to leave you be." He paused and grimaced as he smacked his lips together as I stared at him with an eyebrow lifted. He added sheepishly, "I'm sorry Love. He still gives you this look and I can't bloody stand it." His hand held his glass as he looked back at me earnestly. I could read the fear in his eyes.

I gawked at him, sighed and looked away towards Lily and Neal who were still facing each other, talking, both very into the conversation. I waved my hand towards them. "They seem to like each other. I'm basically hooking them up. I suggested to Lily to see if she liked Neal." I stared at my husband as if to ask if that was proof enough.

He watched Neal and Lily and licked his lips pensively. "I trust you, Swan." He looked at me longingly as if trying desperately to convince me. He added passionately, "I admire you setting them up. I honestly am not angry with you in any way. I just had to tell him that you're mine. I know he still has feelings for you, and I think that he used that bloody spell to get you back if he could. I know it fed upon your love that you had once."

I didn't want to argue about Neal, especially since I was making it clear that I didn't want him, and I was trying to help Neal move on. I pursed my lips and said, "That bloody spell got us home. And I said that it doesn't mean anything."

I eyed him for a zealous moment, fearful that this would always be our argument for the rest of our marriage. I stepped out of the booth and stood up. "All right. I'm dancing. Care to join?" I decided I would brush off the pending fight. I was tired of talking about Neal and I was tired of Killian feeling this way. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Killian side-glanced away and then caught my wrist before I hurried to the dancefloor. "You're angry with me?" he said softly, his eyes begging me not to be as such.

I exhaled and said, "How about we just dance."

He rose to his feet. I linked my hand with his. I was a little upset. I felt like there was no way in the world to convince him that Neal didn't stand a chance. I pulled him to the dancefloor as a song called Wobble by VIC, played.

I led him by the hand to a vacant spot and started to feel the buzz in my head form the two drinks. I moved my arms and my hips and touched Killian's chest as I wiggled in front of him rather seductively. He smirked at me and moved casually, dancing just slightly. I said to him in a seductive voice, "It's time for me to teach you how to dance. I think you're a pro at it." I put my hands on his shoulders and wiggled my body and arched my back and shook my bottom. His eyes raked all over me as he placed his hand on my waist and danced in rhythm with me.

I looked over and spotted Neal and Lily dancing. Lily's hand grazed Neal's arm. I turned my attention to my husband. I moved my hips side to side and moved my hands up in the air. Killian seemed mesmerized by my movements. He moved his arms with the music which made me smile widely, smirked back at me and raised an eyebrow. I laughed with glee and rolled my hips, swaying with the music. "It's a good thing that Henry's not here to see me dance like this," I said to him.

He watched me move and nodded. "You look gorgeous, especially after just having a baby."

I smirked at the compliment.

After the song ended, I walked off of the dancefloor. Killian took my hand and held it as we walked back to the table. I sat down beside Killian and picked up my drink and finished it. His hand drifted to my shoulders. I looked up at him lovingly and whispered, "I think you're very sexy." I placed my hand on his knee and rubbed it a little bit.

He smirked at me and wound his arm around my waist. "As long as you're not mad at me, I'll be anything you want." He smiled genuinely.

I shook my head and was about to respond that I didn't feel upset anymore, when Lily came over to us, but Neal wasn't with her. She looked at me with wonder and said, "Guys, you seen Neal? I was just with him." She panned the clusters of shimmying people and groups standing around chattering.

I narrowed my eyes to look across the people but didn't see him. I looked at her inquisitively. "No, why? Something wrong?"

She shook her head, rather confused. "No, I thought he was going for more drinks or maybe he went to the bathroom." She bit her lower lip. "I just hope he didn't ditch me." She eyed me hopefully. She quickly glanced at Kilian, but he didn't seem too concerned with searching for Neal.

He said helpfully to Lily, "Would you like me to go and find him?"

"No thank you," she said as she shook her head and batted at the air. She looked at me and whispered to me, "I just hope he likes me. I mean, what if he doesn't?" Her eyes were full of worry. "I'm glad you set us up." She nodded at me fervently.

I rose and unlatched from Killian's arm. "You know what, I'll go find him for you. I'm sure its nothing like that. You two seemed like you were hitting it off on the dancefloor." I smiled dotingly at my husband. "I'll be right back, Honey."

The edges of his mouth curled up at the pet name. It made my stomach do flip flips just saying it. I turned and wandered through the crowds, looking for him. I walked on the edge of the people jumping and shaking their bodies to the song called Dangerous by Akon. I saw my Mom, who was grinning like a fool, along with Dad. Her brows knitted together as she said, "Whoareyoulookingfer?" It was more like a slur. I frowned at David who shrugged like he couldn't do anything about it.

"How many drinks has she had?" I asked David.

"Three maybe?" He rolled his eyes and lifted his shoulders as if it was a lost cause.

Snow was giving David an odd look, but then she turned to me and said, "Hook's over there." She pointed dramatically towards our table.

"Yeah I know, I'm looking for Neal," I said. "Seen him in the last, I don't know, two minutes?" I lifted my arms and dropped them.

They both shook their heads. I waved at them and continued to search for Neal. I hoped that my setting them up didn't result in Neal bailing on her, because I wanted it to work out between them, especially after seeing how much Lily seemed to fancy him. She had seemed upset about losing him only for a few minutes.

I gravitated towards the bar, skimming the people there, but no Neal. I marched towards the restrooms and looked at the men's door. I finally spotted Neal after about five more minutes. He was on his cellphone. He looked like he had just hung up with whoever it was. His brows knitted together as he approached me. A pleasant look fell over him.

"Hey, are you lost?" he asked with humor and a smile at me.

"No, I was looking for you. Lily was the one looking for you. She sent me."

He frowned in confusion. "I was just calling Henry. Checking up on him. I know he's on his date, but I wanted to see if he was coming back to the apartment or not." He shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Oh," I said. "Did he answer?"

"Yes, they just went to an Italian restaurant. I think there's a future for those two." He said with love in his eyes.

I nodded. "He's growing up. Hard to accept he's in love."

He stepped closer to me as if to have a discussion with me. "Hey, uh, Killian spoke to me."

I tensed up, knowing this wasn't good news. I braced myself. "What did he say?"

He glanced down at his cellphone and shoved it in his back pocket. "He thinks that I'm still trying to steal you away, but Emma, I'm not a homewrecker."

I looked away and nodded once and met his eyes again.

Neal continued softly, "He told me to back the hell off from you and to not be alone with you."

I exhaled and closed my eyes for a moment. I placed my hands on my hips. I wasn't sure I believed Neal's promise not to be a homewrecker either, but I wouldn't allow anything to advance between us. "He's just concerned about us."

He lifted a shoulder. "I think he hates me. I didn't even say anything to him. Just so you know. I'm not trying to start anything."

I dipped my chin. "So, what about Lily? She's waiting for you at our table." I lifted a hand towards the direction of our table.

He mushed his lips together and nodded. "I haven't gotten to know her that much, but I mean, she's hot. She seems nice."

"She used to be my preteen BFF. Why don't you go for it?" I hooked my arm in the air for him to follow me and turned to head towards the table.

"She mentioned that. She knows who I am too," he replied as he fell in step behind me.

I meandered through the people in our way as I made my way back to Killian and Lily. When they came into view and I could see them across the room, Lily was reaching across the table, touching his hand. She was laughing. He was watching her with a perplexed expression, but he smiled back at her. He seemed nervous and a little caught off guard, but he didn't do anything, not even move his hand. She nodded at him and he seemed to be listening to her. He said something and she looked like she giggled. She stood and walked over to him and was touching his other arm and searching his hook? She rubbed his arm and then laughed as she put her hand on his arm.

I said, "The hell?" I sighed and grit my teeth together.

Neal said, "Really don't think she's all that into me."

I casually walked towards the table and when Killian spotted me, he cautioned Lily with his eyes and said, "Emma."

I gave Lily a hard look.

Lily seemed caught off guard. She let his arm go and inched away from him. "There you are." She reached out to lightly touch Neal's arm. "Ready?"

Neal cut Killian and her a puzzled look and then stared at Lily as if to question her motives.

Lily said to me, "It was good to catch up with you." She grabbed Neal's hand and walked towards the exit. Neal shot me and Killian a nonplussed look that was also a goodbye as he lifted his hand and dropped it. I heard Neal say to her as they walked away, "What was that all about?"

Killian was already staring with humiliation in his eyes. I moved closer to him and sank down in the booth next to him with an interrogative stare. "And why was my ex best friend's hands on you?" I asked.

His eyes held panic in them. He solemnly said, "She was flirting with me, Swan. You know I don't stray." He lifted his hand on the table and rested it back down on the surface as if to shrug. He raised an eyebrow. "I reckon she likes me."

"Yeah. I can tell. You didn't seem to mind." I looked at the table, wishing I had bought another drink. I felt jealous, but I also understood that Lily probably was the only one to blame.

Killian held my shoulder and gently turned me to face him. His eyes were drenched in shame and concern. "Emma. She took my by surprise was all." He paused and said emphatically, "She asked to see my hook. She was trying to touch me and win me over, but I swear to you that I did nothing. I wouldn't think of it." His eyes blazed at me.

I let out a long breath and looked away and shook my head. "I should've known. I can't trust her. Not even for five minutes." I gave him a disappointed look. "She's never changed. If anything, she is worse."

"Emma, please. You must know that I told her that I wasn't interested. Don't allow her to ruin our time together. Perhaps we should get another drink each and enjoy it."

I jerked my head to the side to decline. "No, let's just get Hope and go home. I think I'm done with this place." I slapped the table with my palm and rose and without realizing it, I stormed towards the exit. Kilian rushed after me and caught up and then held my back with his hand as we walked out of the club, but all I could think about was the way Lily had kept touching him and he had smiled at her and not pushed her hand away. Now I realized what it felt like to be insecure.

Killian waited a few minutes and said, "Emma, please talk to me. You have nothing to worry over." He grabbed my arm and turned me to him. His eyes were pleading. "I don't even bloody like her. Especially now."

I glowered at him, trying to cool off and not blame him.

He added zealously, "Why would I go after her when I have you?"

I set my jaw and said calmly, "I know. I'm disturbed and now I feel sick to my stomach. Let's just please forget this and just go home. It's safe there."

He didn't say anything. He followed me to walk to Granny's to get our baby. I still couldn't believe what I saw, even though I should have known Lily was a thief and had not changed. I even felt bad for Neal and hoped he wouldn't get hurt.

Later that night, after we fetched Hope from Granny's and got her to sleep in her crib, Kilian and I laid in bed in the darkness. I wore my shorts and Cami PJ set and my hair in a ponytail. I nestled my head in the pillow and tried to fall asleep. Killian's arm wound around me as he cuddled against my back, his chest pressed up to my shoulders. His hand tenderly grazed my arm. He whispered, "Are you upset with me, Love?"

I did feel disappointed, but it wasn't just in him. It was in Lily and myself for trusting to leave them alone for not even ten minutes. It was also his reactions to Neal and that issue he had. I didn't want to get into any more heated topics with my husband. I only wanted to enjoy him and have peace. I couldn't stop thinking about how insecure Killian was with Neal even though I tired to prove it that he and I would never be more than friends, and that I wasn't in love with him. But seeing Killian and Lily tonight, even for a minute of her touching him and him smiling had disturbed me and I couldn't shake the feeling and the memory. I usually said what was on my mind and expressed how I felt with my husband, but tonight, I couldn't do it. I gave him a weary smile and murmured, "No. I'm just tired."

He kissed me softly and I returned the kiss with a convincing smile, but I didn't advance the intimacy anymore. He said, "Goodnight then." He seemed sad as he said it, and I knew why, but I just didn't want to interact anymore tonight.

The next day, I knocked on Dr. Hopper's closed office door. I took a deep breath, knowing I was taking a step closer in the right direction. Hope was with Killian. We were off work until tomorrow from patrol duties, since we had needed time to regroup from our time travel.

Dr. Hopper opened the door with a big, warm smile. "Emma. Won't you please come in." He opened his arm to his office. Everything was neat and his tissue box was full on the table. There were throw pillows on the sofas and a tea pot on a table near the sitting area. There were plants everywhere and I felt like I should run in the other direction. I hated coming here to talk about this.

"Thanks for penciling me in on such short notice," I said as I meandered towards the sofa, pondering if I should sit there or pace.

Dr. Hopper evaluated me as if trying to read my thoughts. He put out a hand and said, "Won't you have a seat. Would you like some coffee? Tea?"

I was already holding a to go coffee cup full of brewed coffee and cream. I held it up to show him. "Got that covered. No thanks."

He took a seat and scooted up and adjusted his glasses with his hand and picked up a notepad with a pen and watched me as I continued to pace. "You can stand too, I don't mind."

I took a sip of my coffee, not sure if I wanted to admit all of my feelings. I looked around the living room-like office and lifted my chin, forcing myself not to leave. I breathed out a sigh, willing myself not to take off, and to just do this session. I brushed back a stray piece of hair from my forehead. I wore my hair back in a high ponytail and a little bit of makeup, but waterproof mascara today, in case I teared up. I stared at my white and black coffee cup thoughtfully.

"So, what brings you in today? First of all, congratulations on your baby." He grinned at me and stared at me.

I smiled as the fuzzy happy feeling filled my belly, but that quickly evaporated when I thought about Killian. And Lily.

"Thank you. She's a good baby. On formula now." I held up my cup to indicate caffeine.

He smiled at my humor and waited silently and expectantly as if he wished me to go on. When I didn't, he said, "So, what do you want to talk about today?"

I hesitated. Saying the things on my mind, reflecting on the issues would make them real and true problems. I closed my eyes and sighed. "It's a couple things actually. One is…my husband." I lifted my eyes to Dr. Hopper's, framed in his red glasses. He nodded slowly with understanding. He prompted me with a lift of his brows.

I fidgeted with my cup and then took another sip. The hot liquid soothed me. I glanced around the room, not wanting to admit this. Admit that we weren't doing good. "Killian…doesn't exactly trust me. I know it. Things happened with Neal, not like that." I put up my palm to ward off any wild thoughts that I cheated which I didn't, "But as you know we were in the past. Neal tried to kiss me. And then we did this imperative spell that was the only way home, mind you, and I had to confess how I felt about Neal." I paused and watched him study me without an expression except understanding.

He cocked his head to the side and said, "I see. And…how do you feel about Neal?" He fidgeted with his pen and pad.

I didn't respond. I shrugged. "I'm married." I eyed him as if it were obvious.

He nodded frantically. "I-I-I know, but you can have feelings. Emma, this is a safe space, I won't tell Killian or anyone anything."

"You're sure you're not Regina?" I replied with a half smirk.

He appreciatively smiled at my pun and then his face fell earnest. "I assure you I am Archie Hopper. So, do you have feelings still for Neal?"

"No." I shook my head and made a disinterested face, squishing my lips together at the thought. "I really don't. When I felt the feelings, although they aren't there anymore mind you, I had to dig old feelings up, draw on my old love for him to make the magic work." I whisked my hand in the air and roll my eyes. "Which was Gold's idea, I think." I rolled my eyes. "I still owe him a visit. But I also think that Neal wanted it. Either way, Killian doesn't exactly like him."

He smiled as if to silently laugh. He adjusted his glasses again and said with a shake of his head, "He may not like him because he is your ex-boyfriend. And perhaps Neal is yearning for you still. Emma that's normal. And your husband's feelings are valid, not that yours aren't."

"He's always threatening Neal. I just want peace. We're co-parents for Henry. It's the way it's going to be. Us talking." I spread my hand on my lap. "Why can't Killian accept it's okay?"

"I understand. And has Killian said he doesn't trust you?"

I stared at my wedding ring. "He says he trusts me, but I can tell he's lying to me. He gets this look, just like any liar. I just know he doesn't trust me," I whispered. I looked away at the window morosely.

He nodded heavily; his face laced with remorse. "Quick question, does Killian know you're here?"

I shook my head. "No, he thinks I'm visiting Snow and getting coffee." I lifted my cup to my lips and took another drink. I felt nervous spilling my feelings.

He asked gently, "So, have you talked at all about this?"

I nodded. "He brings it up all the time." I sighed, feeling like I was betraying Killian. I thought about him. "We aren't exactly doing that great. We argue a lot. We argued last night while out on a date at the club, and then my old best friend Lily hit on him and he seemed to not mind even though he told me he's not into her. And I get it, he's not a cheater but still."

"What did he do when she hit on him?"

I told him exactly what I saw. "And then he smiled at her. I felt like he enjoyed the attention."

"Hmmm." He scribbled on his notepad and stared at me calculatingly. He was silent for a few moments. "So, have you told him how you feel?"

I nodded once. "I have. I told him I don't trust her, not him. I mean I guess I do trust him; he's never been one to cheat. I doubt he would, but it was that smile. The attention he gave her even when he didn't return her touches."

He waited a second before he said, "He may have not known how to react. He may be shocked. I don't know, but my advice, is to ask him how he feels about her."

"He said he doesn't like her."

"Ah, I see. Well that's good." He wrote on his notepad quickly and scooted forward in his seat and gazed into my eyes carefully. He didn't speak for a few beats. "So, do you think that the Neal issue is getting to him? Perhaps it led into his reaction to Lily?"

I lifted my shoulders. "Well, Neal was there. He told Neal to back off. Again. He keeps telling him that. I know that it's been like this for a week since we found Neal. We've fought a lot. We almost separated for a night, if I hadn't gone to him to make up." I honestly feel that if Killian and I continue like this, our marriage will only stay like this." I knew I had a desperate look on my face. I let out a short breath.

He nodded seriously and said, "It could. And you reassure him that you don't have feelings for Neal and what does he say?"

I threw up my hand, frustrated. "He seems to believe me but like I said, he is always so edgy around Neal. He watches me like a hawk when Neal is around me and he makes comments about Neal wanting me. It's really getting to me. It's to the point where I feel like we're not okay and I can't change that no matter what I say or do. I tried to set Neal up although that blew up in my face." I splayed my fingers and then stared at my wedding ring, wishing I felt more secure in our marriage.

"Hmmhmm. Have you tried repeating yourself telling him you don't want Neal in any way?"

"Several times. He stays nervous about Neal. I had to do what I had to to get us back here when I told Neal I loved him." I exhaled, hating how ridiculous that sounded.

He cleared his throat and bobbed his head. "But do you love him?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I have no feelings like that anymore as I've said. It's like they vanished. But I'm frustrated because I can't get my own husband to believe me. I'm out of ideas."

"Perhaps it will take some time and healing. You admitting your love even for this ritual might have done the damage. Not that it is your fault because it wasn't. It was essential to say so. That may be one of the reasons he seems to be lying, I don't know."

"I know that he is trying. I give him that. But now with the Lily issue, he kept asking if I was upset at him last night. I told him I am not, but…" I swallowed hard and looked him in the eyes. "I am upset at him. And I hate it because I love him."

He gazed at me sorrowfully. He straightened his expression to seem placid and indifferent. "Why are you upset exactly?"

"Because he won't stop bringing up Neal. And he didn't push Lily's hands away when she flirted hard core. I honestly feel like everything's stacked against Killian and I. Since we got married, it's always something. Actually, it's always been that way, but still, you understand that I was taken from Killian right after Hope was born and lost my memories. But now with Neal alive and…this, I feel like we won't make it. I mean we haven't had sex in two days. That for Hook and I, is abnormal, I mean usually its' once or twice a day."

He immediately fidgeted with his pen and adjusted his glasses and inched in his seat. "S-s-s-so okay, so do you think that maybe he feels just as discouraged as you? Perhaps you two should try to talk again?"

I sighed and smirked to myself at how nervous Dr. Hopper seemed. I felt slightly embarrassed for sharing a more personal issue. I glanced away and said rationally, "I'm angry with him in a way. And I hate the way I feel. Neal will be in my life forever because of Henry. Now that he's alive, I feel happy but I don't even have those complex feelings for him, so I don't understand why Killian can't just let the past go and stop getting so angry at Neal when he just looks at me." I tossed my hand in the air and dropped it on my leg. I shook my head and let out a ragged breath.

He was silent as he evaluated me pensively. "Well that's because Neal still loves you. I may not know for sure, but I think that Killian may be afraid to lose you. Fear makes you do irrational things."

I closed my eyes and lowered my eyes. "I'm afraid of our marriage being in trouble forever. I'm afraid of us not making it," I said somberly. "We're already slipping. Not even a year into our marriage and I already want to be away from him, although at the same time, I don't. I just want to comfort him but it's like no matter what I say, it doesn't change his feelings. And that's scaring me."

He adjusted his glasses again and said, "Why don't I suggest this. And this doesn't change our sessions, you and I," He put up a hand, "But what would you say to marital counselling?"

I weighed the option. It could be a good thing. But then I would probably have to admit to my husband that I was seeing Dr. Hopper. Killian would ask why I thought so about it. "I hate to hide things from Kilian. I hate lying to him because it doesn't help anything. But yes. Maybe I could mention that to him."

He nodded deeply. He said, "Why don't you ask him? Either you or he can call to schedule. And I want you to do one thing, Emma, for your sake. Think of this as homework. I think that you should tell him how you feel, exactly. Chances are he will want to talk. Don't focus on Lily. Again, I don't know how Killian feels. But I wouldn't think about her. I would focus on you and your husband. Don't even worry about Neal. Killian's feelings are as valid as yours are concerning Neal and his anxiety about him."

I nodded. "I wish he could forget about Neal."

He tilted his head to the side and studied me. "Chances are Killian may feel just as scared as you about your marriage. Obviously, he wants it. And I truly hope that you two come back for counseling. I could have you in here as soon as today if you want. I have a lot of spaces. All week." He spread his palms.

I played with my coffee cup in my hands. "Maybe you could convince him that I don't want Neal at all. That's the biggest issue."

Perhaps I could help. I think the issue is trust on both of your parts. Like I said, I haven't talked to Killian. But I would be willing to bet that this is it. Fix it now before later, so it does not fester because these things do fester and get worse. You can't ignore them. And it's a big step that you came here today. But I would do something about this. However, you can get Killian to come with you, I would do. I know you two have potential to have a healthy marriage. But I wouldn't act blasé and keep all this to yourself. Chances are, he is suffering too."

I stared back at him with a frown, scared to death. I hated to suggest to Killian that we needed help. "All right. I'll talk to my husband."