Hello again everyone! Someone pointed out to me that the description of Maya's nightmare from last chapter could potentially trigger some people, so I've updated the summary for this story to include all relevant trigger warnings. I hope this helps!
Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-One: Look After You
The sound of birds chirping woke Maya up. She was used to being torn from sleep by the piercing wail of her alarm clock, so the birds were a welcome change. It made her feel a bit less cranky, despite how little sleep she'd gotten. She stretched, feeling for her phone on the night stand.
Strangely, Maya didn't remember falling back asleep after her nightmare. She never did, well, not usually anyway. But she did this time, she must've. A nightmare had definitely happened last night, so that was the only explanation for why she was tucked snugly in her own bed, sun shining in on her face.
Maybe she was getting better at handling them after all. It was about time.
Maya yawned, struggling to get a proper grip on her cell so it didn't fall on her face. It had to be pretty early if her alarm hadn't gone off yet; maybe she could squeeze another few minutes of sleep in before she got up.
The clock on Maya's phone shone 10:00am, and her good feelings immediately evaporated.
"Shit!" Maya flung the blankets off, lunging for her work clothes and her bag. Josie would be so angry with her, her crops were overdue for watering, and she had errands. Half the day was gone already! Where were her things? Her clothes weren't where she left them, were they? How had this happened? How-?
"Oh, good morning Maya!"
Maya squealed, whirling to see Ludus walking through the front door. He had his tool kit slung over his shoulder, dirt smeared on his hands and cheek.
"E kala mai," he laughed, shrugging abashedly. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"No, no," Maya shook her head, the cogs in her brain working furiously to figure out what happened. "It's ok, I'm just… confused."
Ludus waited while she pieced it together. Maya remembered the nightmare, asking him to call her, and eventually meeting him at the beach. However, that's where her memory fizzled out.
She looked down at herself. She was still in her pajamas, but Ludus was fully dressed and ready for work. Had he looked like that at the beach? Yes, she was pretty sure he had. But that didn't explain how she'd gotten from-
Maya froze. There was one way she could've gotten home, one way she could've ended up in bed with no memory of it happening. She turned to Ludus with a flourishing blush.
"Did you… carry me here?"
Now it was Ludus's turn to blush. He rubbed the back of his neck absently, nervous laughter trickling from his lips.
"Uh, yeah," he admitted. "You fell asleep at the beach, and I didn't want to wake you. You seemed so tired. I was just going to stay there until you woke up, but I didn't think you'd want anyone to see you like that."
Maya nodded, twisting her pajama shirt between her palms.
"I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted," Ludus interjected quickly, a panicked stutter slipping into his voice. He hadn't even thought about how this would look, Ludus emerging from Maya's house early in the morning. Like he'd slept there or something. "I didn't mean to- if I crossed a line or-"
She burst into giggles, stopping him in his tracks.
"Not at all, no," she promised, crossing the room to take his hands in hers. She looked so much better than she had when he met her on the beach; colour was back in her face, her eyes weren't quite so hollow, and her smile was genuine. For the briefest moment he realised that, if he had stayed the night and was waking up next to her, she'd look a lot like this. Ludus's blush deepened. "Thank you, so much, for looking after me."
"Anytime, that's what I'm here for." Ludus vowed, pushing away his thoughts and adjusting the bag strap on his shoulder. Maya helped him set it down, rubbing her eyes free of sleep.
"I don't remember the last time I slept in so late," she pondered, worrying at her lip. "I have so much to do. I don't think I'll be able to catch up."
"No need!" Ludus nodded over his shoulder, grinning. "Crops are watered, Josie is fed and out to pasture. I even managed to harvest some of your flowers."
"You… you did?"
Ludus nodded again, producing a hastily scribbled note from his pants pocket. It had a bunch of numbers jumbled together, but there was clearly a pattern there. Maya followed his index finger as he reviewed the work he'd done.
"You made about 30% pure profit today," he explained, his brows furrowed. "I think I did that math right. After you take out your operating expenses. I don't know if this is something you keep track of, but I also marked down the percentage of feed you use daily for the animals. All good numbers to have, if you have the time to work them out."
"Thank you, Ludus." Maya took the paper from him, her eyes scanning the notes with interest. She did keep track of those things, but there were a couple of calculations that Ludus used that were easier than her own. "This is so helpful. How do you know how to do all this?"
"It's pretty similar to what I do at the shop," he clarified, "I just had to adjust the parameters I was using. After that it was cake."
Maya smiled. She could hardly wrap her head around the idea that she actually had a day off. Ludus seemed to have taken care of everything for her, and all that after he'd been there for her during her nightmare. She didn't know how she'd ever make it up to him.
"Ludus, I-"
"Hold that thought," Ludus insisted, splaying his hands in front of him. "I have one more surprise. Wait here."
Maya tried to stop him, but he was already through the door. She couldn't possibly accept anything else from him at this point; what more could he do for her? Only a handful of seconds later, she found out.
Ludus pushed himself through the front door with a large bundle in his hands, one that squished and gave way in his arms. It was soft, vaguely square shaped, and dyed a beautiful lavender colour.
He held out the bundle to Maya with a friendly smile, encouraging her to take it.
"What's this?" She took the bundle eagerly, too curious to remember that she wanted to refuse any more kindness. "A blanket?"
"A quilt," Ludus corrected, watching with anxious excitement as Maya unfurled it. It was a simple patchwork quilt, decorated with squares of white, lavender, violet, and a pale blue. "I've been working on it for a while now. I was going to give it to you for your birthday, but then I bought you the necklace and I figured you'd kill me if I gave you another gift. But after this morning, I thought it might help you sleep."
Maya almost dropped the quilt.
"You made this… for me?" she gaped, blinking her wide eyes at Ludus. He grinned in affirmation, pointing to the small tag he'd sewn into the lining. Maya squinted at it, tracing out her name in eggplant coloured thread.
"I added something to it while you were sleeping," he continued, flipping the corner to show her. On the grey backing, Ludus had embroidered a small dreamcatcher, no larger than the size of Maya's palm. It was bright and bold, made with pinks and blues, yellows and purples, and a splash of white. It was the most beautiful dreamcatcher Maya had ever seen. "I know it's not much, but I thought- oh!"
Ludus's breath left his chest in a whoosh as Maya collided with him, the quilt only mildly softening her impact. She buried her face in his torso, her arms wrapped tightly around him.
"I can't believe you did this," she whispered, her words muffled against the fabric of his shirt. "Ludus… I don't know- I mean I can't- I don't deserve this."
"What do you mean?" Ludus laughed, squeezing her warmly. "Of course you do. Why would you say something like that?"
"Because it's true," Maya insisted, pushing until she was at arm's length. "You're too kind to me, Ludus. I don't deserve it. I can never repay you for what you've done for me."
Ludus frowned, worried lines creasing his brow.
"I don't expect you to repay me, My." He gently rubbed his palm against the raised skin on her forearm, soothing her. "I do these things for you because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. Why is that so hard for you to accept?"
A dark look passed over Maya's face, but she shoved it away just as quickly.
"I-" Maya swallowed, hard. "I'm not used to getting gifts like this. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful."
"You don't sound-" Ludus stopped himself. Maya wasn't looking at him anymore, instead her eyes were firmly on the quilt. Hard lines had formed around her mouth and forehead, hinting at something much larger than their disagreement.
Again, Ludus felt a cloud of dishonesty looming over them, just like he had the night before. There was something Maya wasn't telling him, something she didn't feel like she could talk to him about. Unease swept through him, but what could he do? He wanted more than anything to be there for her, but he wasn't sure how to do that unless Maya told him.
Ludus knew that this wasn't a battle he could win or even fully understand right now. Not like this. What he could do, however, was offer her an out.
"You don't think it's weird for a guy to quilt?" He asked, slipping his hands in his pockets and relaxing his shoulders. He watched her, his face soft and pleading her to let him fix this.
For a breath, Ludus didn't think his plan worked. Maya was silent for too long, thinking. Eventually, to his great relief, she accepted his offer.
"Not at all!" she grinned, wiping away the stress that had gathered on her features. "I think it's really cool. I can't sew at all, not even a button."
"That's pretty sad if it's true," Ludus laughed, ruffling her hair. He ached to make her pain go away, to clear whatever problems plagued her, but if this was all he could do for now, it would have to be enough. "A button is one of the easiest things in the world."
"I never learned," Maya defended herself, cradling the quilt to her chest. She wanted to put it on her bed right away, but she also didn't want to let it go. "I didn't know you could sew either. Why don't you sell stuff like this at your shop?"
"I've thought about it," Ludus admitted, "but it's kind of a girly hobby. I get enough crap from the guys around here for my long hair, I don't need to give them any more excuses."
"Quilts sell for hundreds, sometimes thousands," Maya pointed out, running her hand absently over the fabric. "Get rich off of your 'girly' hobby and I bet they won't give you crap then."
"You're probably right," Ludus laughed, the knot in his chest loosening with each word. Whatever had been hovering over her seemed to have drifted away, to his great relief, and he felt like he had his friend back. Still, the nugget of concern for her that seemed to reside permanently in the back of his mind was growing, and growing fast. Someday, hopefully someday soon, Maya would tell him the truth. But today was not that day. Today, Maya needed normal. Ludus could do normal. "But you like it, yeah?"
Maya practically bounced in place, her enthusiasm vibrating her entire body.
"Are you kidding? Ludus it's perfect!" she cried, pressing the quilt to her face and inhaling. It smelled like freshly laundered linen, unsurprisingly, but also of salt water, incense, and pine. If someone presented her with that mixture of smells and asked her to identify it, she'd immediately say 'Ludus'. "No one's ever done something like this for me before."
"Well, I'm glad I could be the first." Ludus had been worrying over the gift for a while. He'd never given Maya anything like this, not to mention that he'd never given any of his quilts away. There was something so personal about them that always made Ludus feel vulnerable, like he was giving away a piece of himself.
Maya gave the quilt another squeeze before finally spreading it out over her bedsheets. She gazed fondly at it, smoothing the edges, letting her fingertips linger on the cotton. She didn't think it was possible for her to love something so much so fast.
It was true that no one had ever done anything like this for her before, but she shouldn't be surprised that Ludus did. His kindness was infinite, and Maya was finally beginning to understand that.
"Make sure the corner with the dreamcatcher is away from your face," Ludus pointed out as she was placing it. "They're designed to draw nightmares away from you and towards them, so you'll want it as far away from your head as possible."
"It's perfect," she hummed again, rocking back and forth onto her heels. Ludus watched her endearingly, thrilled by how excited she looked.
"I'm happy you like it."
Maya finished fussing over the quilt, turning to him with a sigh.
"I can't believe I actually fell asleep on the beach," she shook her head, a blush colouring her cheeks again. If she had to embarrass herself like that in front of anyone, she was glad it was him. "I never fall back asleep after a nightmare. I don't remember the last time."
"Well you were pretty sound this morning," Ludus chuckled, leaning his hip against her countertop. He didn't think he'd ever forget the way Maya snuggled into him as he carried her home, small and limp in his arms. It was enough to make his heart swell. "I thought for sure you were going to wake up while I was opening the door."
"I also can't believe that, by the way," Maya smirked at him, trying to hide her incredulity. "I know I joked about it before, but you really should warn people that your friendship comes with so much lifting involved."
"That's on you," Ludus defended. "I wouldn't have to carry you so much if you took better care of yourself. You know, not falling asleep in random places, or climbing cliffs to rescue cats. Reasonable requests, I think."
Maya stuck her tongue out at him.
"Well I think you just like holding me," Maya taunted, folding her arms across her chest, "and you're using this whole 'looking out for me' thing as a cover up. You can just ask for hugs, you know."
"I-" Ludus snapped his mouth shut. He knew that no matter how he responded, Maya would just ignore it and continue to tease him. She was far too good at that, and it certainly didn't help matters that she was right. He was about to accept his fate when another idea occurred to him. Maybe it was the early start to the morning affecting his mood, but Ludus was feeling bold today.
"You caught me," he admitted, shrugging. Ludus knew he'd taken her by surprise as her eyebrows shot up. Discreetly, he angled himself so that he was better facing her. "Guilty as charged."
"Wait, uh-" Maya squealed as Ludus sprang forward and tackled her, throwing her over his shoulder and spinning in the middle of her kitchen. "Ludus!"
"There's no point in hiding it anymore," he continued dramatically, jostling her with care not to accidentally hurt her. Maya was laughing now, a full belly laugh, as he spun around again. "This is how we're hanging out together from now on."
"Put me down!" Maya giggled, lightly smacking his back. Ludus finally complied, setting her down gently in front of him. He didn't let go though, keeping his arms wrapped around her. For once, Ludus was determined to win their little game.
"I'm sorry," he grinned mischievously, squeezing her to his chest. He loved hearing her laugh like that; it was the happiest sound he'd ever heard. "Is this better?"
Maya had caught on to his teasing now, but as embarrassed as she was, she wasn't ready to give in. If Ludus wanted to play, then she was going to give him a game to remember. She felt a burst of satisfaction at the nervous look that passed over Ludus's face as she reached up, slinking her arms around his neck.
"Much better," she agreed, arching into his embrace. The sensation was foreign but thrilling, and as much as she was trying to unsettle him, Maya's chest was just as tight. "I like holding you, too."
Now it was Ludus's turn to stammer uncertainly, his jaw twitching. He'd expected Maya to back off after his declaration; clearly, he'd made the rookie mistake of underestimating her. They flirted, constantly, but it was always playful and fun, light and, mostly, innocent. They were toeing a line now, one that he desperately wanted to cross.
His nerves were quaking, his stomach like lead. He should just let her go, take a hearty step back. Ludus wasn't sure he could trust himself, being this close. All he could think about was how easy it would be to kiss her- to just lean forward and give in to his heart. For a second, just one, fleeting second, Ludus let himself believe that Maya just might let him.
They stayed like that for a short eternity, eyes locked, each challenging the other to pull away first. Maya's storm cloud irises were sparkling, delighting in the way Ludus squirmed in front of her. He impressed her though, even going so far as to tighten his grip on her waist.
Maybe there was hope after all. Maybe…
"Okay, you win," she smiled, letting her forehead drop to his chest. Maya closed her eyes, her breath leaving her lungs in a rush. Ludus laughed nervously, tilting his head to try and see Maya's face.
"What do I win, exactly?" he asked, gently rubbing her back as she rested against him. Maya quirked her lips, feeling more comfortable saying this aloud when she couldn't see his face.
"I was telling the truth," she murmured, the butterflies in her stomach fluttering wildly. She wasn't sure exactly what she was doing, but she was too far gone to stop. "I do like holding you. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I meant what I said yesterday. You're the person I trust most in the entire world. You're really important to me, Ludus. I care about you."
His heart seized as she took a breath and continued.
"I've never told anyone about my nightmares before. No one knows, not a single person. But when I woke up last night, I didn't even have to think about texting you. I just did it. I wanted to hear your voice because, somehow, you always make everything better. I… I'm not used to things being better."
Maya scrunched her nose, fighting back a tear. She couldn't stop though, not yet. Not when she was so close to saying the words she'd been struggling with for months.
"Ludus, I need you. You've made my life so much happier without even realising it. I'm sorry I depend on you so much, it's not fair to you. But-"
Her words died on her tongue as Ludus's hand appeared at the back of her head, cradling her to his chest.
"Stop it," he whispered, brushing his fingers through her curls. Maya felt his lips against her hair, nothing more than a warm, comforting pressure. "I told you before, didn't I? Don't apologise for needing me. I'm here for you, no matter what. I-"
I love you.
He almost said it aloud, the feeling burning his tongue. Ludus was hopelessly in love with Maya, and he knew it now. No matter what he tried to tell himself, no matter how scared he was, he loved her. He loved her, and he would be there for her, whatever she needed from him.
Maya waited, praying that he'd confess, hoping her monologue was enough to convince him of how she felt. She heard him catch his breath, like he might speak, and her heart lunged into her throat-
Bang!
"Jesus!" Maya jolted, both her and Ludus turning towards the front door, where the insistent knocking continued.
"Maya! Are you home?"
"It's Lisette," Maya breathed, letting some of the tension fall from her shoulders.
"We brought… potpourri? Is that what it's called?"
"And Wayne, apparently," Ludus's tongue darted between his lips, smoothing away the pain from where he'd been biting down with his teeth.
They didn't move right away, staring at the door in quiet shock. Maya inadvertently leaned into Ludus; he reflexively tightened his arms around her.
"Hello?"
"Just a second!" Maya yelled back eventually, realising she was the only one of them who could answer without rousing too much immediate suspicion. "I'm right in the middle of something! Hold on!"
Right in the middle of… what?
Steeling herself, she risked a glance at Ludus. His expression was clouded, impossible to read. What was he thinking? Was he about to confess to her just now, like she thought he was? Or had Maya misread the whole thing, and Wayne and Lisette had actually saved her from embarrassing herself completely?
"Shit," Ludus muttered, finally releasing her. Maya's heart sank. "This probably doesn't look too good, does it?"
"It's fine," Maya sighed, carefully composing her face to hide her disappointment. "Lisette and Wayne know how much we hang out. It's not that early that it would be weird for you to be here."
Not that it even mattered. What exactly was she trying to hide?
"It's not that," Ludus chuckled, his ears suddenly turning pink. "You uh… well…"
He nodded down at her body, reminding Maya that she was clad in only her pajamas.
"Shit!" Maya scrambled back to her night stand, pulling her work dress from its drawer and gathering her boots in her arms. "Can you stall for like five minutes?"
"I'll tell them you're on the phone with Frank?" Ludus guessed, hoisting his bag on his shoulder and carrying it to the living room. He wanted to tuck it in a corner so it wouldn't be in the way- it also gave him a chance to collect himself.
"You're the best!" Maya sprinted to the bathroom, stopped, considered, and then ran back to him. She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, startling him, and then resumed her quest to get dressed before Wayne and Lisette got any wild ideas.
Ludus's body deflated as soon as Maya closed the bathroom door. What the hell had he almost done?
He almost confessed to her, that's what. Thank Goddess Lisette and Wayne showed up when they did, otherwise Ludus would've made a complete idiot of himself.
If he made a complete idiot of himself. If Maya rejected him. If-
Ludus shook his head forcefully, almost throwing himself off balance. He couldn't think like that, not now. Not with their friends waiting outside the door.
Ludus pulled himself together as best as he could, plastering a smile on his face as he opened Maya's door, letting Lisette and Wayne inside.
"Aloha," he waved, mildly amused but a little confused by the surprise on their faces. Maya was right; it wasn't that early. Wayne recovered faster than Lisette, falling into that easy demeanor of his.
"Mornin' Ludus," Wayne tipped his hat, stepping aside to allow Lisette to walk in first. She did, smiling at him. "Didn't expect you to be here so bright and early. Who's watching the shop?"
"Closed for the morning," Ludus clarified, shutting the door behind them. "I had something come up."
"Shame," Wayne whistled, jamming his hands in his pockets. He was visibly uncomfortable, something that one didn't see on Wayne very often. "Hope it's nothing serious."
"No, no," Ludus averted his eyes, thinking about Maya in the bathroom behind him, frantically trying to make it look like she hadn't just rolled out of bed. "Nothing to worry about."
"Where's Maya?" Lisette's voice was pleasant, but she looked almost as uncomfortable as Wayne. Now Ludus was really suspicious, his gaze darting back and forth between them as if he could figure it out just by staring.
"Just in the bathroom," Ludus tilted his head in her general direction. "She's on the phone with Frank. Shouldn't be much longer."
"Oh, okay."
An awkward silence fell among the trio, but for the life of him Ludus couldn't figure out why. He was good friends with both Wayne and Lisette; had he done something to upset one of them and didn't realise it?
"What brings you two out this way?" He tried to lighten the mood, make some small talk, but his question only seemed to make them fidget more. What the hell was going on?
"Oh, we just, um…" Lisette trailed, looking to Wayne for help. He shrugged uselessly, offering no more than that. "We had some uh… news? I guess?"
"News?"
"We were hoping to catch Maya before she went out, and then we were going to pop over to Relacion and tell you," Wayne supplied, finally coming to Lisette's aid. "But I guess we'll hit two birds with one stone."
"What birds?" Maya finally emerged from the bathroom, looking exactly like she always did. Ludus would've never known she'd only gotten out of bed a few minutes ago if he hadn't been here to see it. He was impressed. "What stone?"
All of the air seemed to leave Lisette's lungs as Maya arrived, sharing a knowing smile with Wayne.
"Well," she began, almost jittery with excitement now. "Wayne and I are… we're… together, kind of."
Maya and Ludus blinked.
"Kind of," Wayne scoffed, looping his arm around Lisette's waist and pulling her snugly against his side. "No 'kind of' about it. It was a long, hard battle, but I finally won her over."
"Don't make it sound like some sort of epic proposal," Lisette rolled her eyes, but her pink cheeks betrayed how happy she was. "It was like pulling teeth getting you to admit it."
"Getting me to-? Alright hang on-"
Wayne and Lisette continued to argue playfully while Ludus and Maya processed what they were hearing. Wayne and Lisette were… dating?
"Are you serious?!" Maya squealed, recovering first. She sprung over to Lisette, hugging her friend as tightly as she could. "Oh my God! I'm so happy for you two! Finally!"
"You knew all along, didn't you?" Wayne guessed, tugging on the brim of his hat. "That we liked each other, I mean."
"Yes!" Maya groaned, rolling her eyes as exaggeratedly as she could. "And it was torture not being able to tell you both."
"Wouldn't know what that's like." Wayne gave her a look, one that she immediately dismissed with a slap to his arm. He chuckled, dropping it for the time being.
"Well I'll be," Ludus laughed, clapping his hand on Wayne's shoulder. "Congratulations, man!"
"Thanks," Wayne grinned sheepishly, and the conversation quickly devolved into two almost identical recaps of how the whole thing happened the night before.
Ludus was happy for Wayne and Lisette, truly he was, but he found himself drifting in and out of the conversation. As they talked, he couldn't stop steeling glances at Maya. She met his gaze a few times, blushing and looking away just as quickly, as if she was embarrassed.
He'd almost confessed to her today.
Wayne had managed to do what he couldn't, no matter how sloppily, and now he and Lisette were dating. If Ludus had just taken the plunge, admitted his feelings for Maya, would they be in the same boat? Would there be two reasons to celebrate today?
Ludus didn't know. But suddenly, now more than ever, he wanted to find out.
The four of them had moved to Maya's dining room table. Discreetly, taking great care to not let anyone see, Ludus reached into Maya's lap, lacing his fingers through hers underneath the table. It wasn't the first time they'd held hands, but…
Maya caught his eye, an expression playing across her face that he hadn't seen before. He held his breath, determined not to shy away.
Seven seconds ticked by.
Lisette was in the middle of describing her embarrassment at Wayne's behaviour the night before, when Maya twisted her hand in Ludus's. She entwined their fingers more comfortably, gently squeezing his palm.
Ludus's heart skipped.
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