Chapter Thirty-Six: Goodbye to You
Angela (POV)
"Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew." – Michelle Branch
The trip back to my parent's house was painful, both physically uncomfortable and emotionally draining. I had become fixated on the realization that I no longer thought of it as home. That concept of family had been replaced, and I had to face the truth that my parents were going to be strangers. Memories, eventually so old as to be distant and indistinct. Intellectually I knew that happens in mortal life as well, as children grow up and leave home. Emotionally, I just wanted my parents to hold me and tell me I was going to be okay.
Deep down, I knew was lucky to find a new place to call mine so quickly. Except a large piece of that new definition of home was missing, perhaps never to be found again. With Mason gone, I still had the rest of my new family, and a child he had left with me to raise potentially by myself. I had to believe he would never have left if he had known. Yet I wondered how he would react if he ever found out, would he be happy, sad, angry or god forbid... indifferent?
But that was the rub, by the weekend I would be very pregnant, already past my first trimester. I hadn't even fully internalized the fact I was going to be a mother, combined with a life altering change to my physiology at the same time. A mother and a vampire, they seemed almost counter-intuitive, and it was it was too much to think about for any length of time without feeling like reality was pushing in on me. Yet I couldn't help but dwell on it, in a month I was going to have a vastly different life, one I couldn't fully comprehend yet.
"You ready for this?" Rose asked flashing me a sympathetic smile.
"No, but I don't have a choice. In a couple of days it'll be too late. I just hope tonight isn't some long drawn out fight, I don't want that to be my last memory of them." I wrapped my arms around my belly and looked out the window, as the familiar landmarks of outer Forks started to pass us by.
"I can tell you, memories aren't the problem. If tonight is awful as you put it, you will be able to access all of the good ones from your entire human life instead. They are a bit hazy, like dreams, but easy to recall for us." She frowned slightly, as I thought about her horrible last moments as a human.
"I guess that means we keep the bad stuff too." I said, although I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to bring up.
"They can be more important sometimes. Pain is a good motivator, it helped me with my vengeance on Royce." She said with a surprisingly wide smile.
"Vengeance?" I looked over at her and she nodded.
"I hunted each and every one of those bastards that hurt me, saving Royce until the end. He knew death was coming for him, and the horror on his face when he realized it was me made my entire quest for revenge worth it. I was a bit, theatrical when I was young. " My eyes were wide, my eyebrows high. I hadn't expected that from her. She shook her head. "Don't take it the wrong way, I do not look back on my actions with pleasure, but I do not regret them either. The point is, our lives are more than just moments. You'll remember your parents as you want to remember them, holding on to the things you need to keep them in your heart."
"Thank you. For everything, you've been good to me, a good friend... that I can't wait to call sister." I could see her eyes reflect the same affection I held for her back at me, and she reached out and squeezed my shoulder as we came to a stop.
"Here you are. I'll be close if you need me." She pulled her hand back and I looked over at my parents house feeling my heart in my throat. It looked like at least my mother was home, and suddenly felt marginally terrified that my disappearance the day before would be cause for an argument. I hadn't looked back after finding Renée, in a way I hadn't really intended to ever go home again. But I needed to say goodbye, I needed them to know I loved them, to spend time with them. If only for a few hours.
I waved goodbye to Rosalie and pulled out my keys. The door opened as I reached for the handle, and my mother was there with tears in her eyes.
"Angela." She didn't seem upset. Then she pulled me into a tight and mildly uncomfortable hug.
"Mom." I said feeling confused, my voice muffled into her shirt.
"Carlisle called and told us what you did. I am so proud of you." She pushed me back to arm's length, her face filled with a pride I hadn't seen since my last report card came in with all A's.
"I didn't do that much, I just called an ambulance." I said with a small shrug, I had just done what they taught me to do growing up.
"She could've died, Carlisle said you probably saved her life." She said still beaming at me.
"Maybe, but honestly I think she just needed someone to help her. I called her husband, and I understand they are going back to Florida." She nodded and caressed my hair before taking a deep breath.
"I made your favorite, I hoped you would be home tonight." She opened the door fully, and I caught a whiff of her homemade tomato sauce that took hours to stew properly.
"Please tell me you bought the sausage this time?" I flashed back to the last time she had made homemade Italian sausage and the casing burst.
"Yes, I don't fancy cleaning pork off the wall for days." She smirked. "Dad will be home soon; he went to visit Renée at the hospital."
"Of course, did you make desert?" I grinned, hoping that she had made her famous brownies.
"No, but your father wants to go out for ice cream after dinner." She said with a nod.
"I'm going to take a shower and clean up for dinner." I smiled at her happily, and she just nodded and started to hum to herself as she returned to the kitchen.
I watched her move around for a bit, taking in the image of her in the kitchen. Yet after less than I minute I had to run up to my room to avoid her seeing me cry. I wasn't sure I could make it through dinner, it was starting to feel impossible to say goodbye, but I didn't have a choice. I closed my door behind me and took a long hot shower to clear my mind and the heat helped. I looked down at my body, wondering what it would feel like as the pregnancy progressed? What it would feel like to be a vampire? I shook my head; I would know soon enough.
I put on a bit of make up to hide the circles under my eyes and brighten my face a little, so I didn't look so drawn. I stared at myself in the mirror, checking out my human reflection while I was still relatively myself, my belly only a little distended with a slightly noticeable baby bump. The speed of the pregnancy was perplexing, you would think something that complex would require more time not less. Me the length of an elephant's pregnancy not a rabbit. My baby wasn't a rabbit, although I could imagine it eating… I shook my head to stop that train of thought.
Nine days per day. That was like a day passing in my womb every two and a half hours. I could watch a movie and it… he or she would grow a day. I took a few deep breaths and let myself smile, I had to be happy even if my heart longed for him. Shaking off that stuff, I tried do something with my hair and picked out a dress my father had given me for a birthday present. The dress was a bit too fancy for a family dinner, but I wanted them to remember me looking my best. I was pretty sure they were going to hate me tomorrow no matter what I did. I made my way downstairs and was surprised to find dad already home and settled. He reached out a hand for me from his armchair, and I walked over to him and leaned over the back of the chair to give him a half hug.
"So proud of you sweetie." He said and then went back to his papers, a sermon already half completed on half a dozen small notebook pages. His preferred way of writing. I looked at the familiar scrawl of his nearly incomprehensible cursive and another pang of regret hit me hard. I would never hear him speak again unless I was in disguise or sitting somewhere outside the church using my vampire ears. I cursed under my breath, thankfully too low for him to hear.
"Could you help your mother set up, she said everything was nearly ready." He said looking up at me. I nodded and moved into the dining room and set up for dinner. Every clank and clang of every dish I set down frayed my nerves ever so slightly. Then we were sitting down, and a plate of my favorite food was set before me. I was excited to dig in, until the smell of it hit me, and it turned my stomach. A wave of nausea overwhelmed my appetite, and I had to fight to keep myself from throwing up on the table.
"Excuse me." I smiled as they both started to reach out to say grace, and I ran upstairs. The pancakes from earlier that morning coming up like white glue.
I cleaned up and frantically searched my medicine cabinet for anything to settle my stomach long enough to get through my last meal with my family. Thankfully, there was a box of long-lasting antacid in the bottom drawer, shoved between my tub of forgotten make up and the last of my tampons which thankfully I would never need again. I cleaned up and rinsed out my mouth a few times with water. I hoped they couldn't hear me downstairs, the last thing I needed was for them to think I was sick, or worse pregnant. I bounded down the stairs trying to look carefree and happy and sat down and reached out my hands to say grace. They were both staring at me but took my hands anyway.
"Lord, bless this food we are about to share, thankful for the bounty you have gifted us. Bless this family and protect them as we move into a different phase or our lives. Amen." Dad keeping it simple was a nice change, he grinned self-consciously. We had been giving him a hard time for years to not sermonize at the dinner table.
"Amen." Mom and I said in unison.
"This looks great." Dad said with a big grin, swirling a large amount of pasta onto his fork and closing his eyes as he ate the first bite.
I smiled as I started to eat, and while everything was perfect, it tasted awful in my mouth. I choked down a few bites, before looking over at mom and then at dad to get their attention.
"I know the next few months are going to be difficult. But I wanted you both to know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me, and everything you have taught me. I love you both so much." I couldn't stop the tears from coming but tried to hold them back so I didn't lose it and look too suspicious.
"We love you too sweetie, but what brought this on?" Dad said putting down his fork and spoon.
"I'm going to be graduating soon and leaving home, and I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt. There are never enough chances to say something important. Especially when it needs to be said." I managed a warm smile, despite feeling like my heart was breaking in two.
"Thank you honey. It's nice to know you feel that way. I'm glad we could be there for you, and I know I haven't been the most affectionate, but you can always reach out to me. We're just a phone call away." Mom said putting a hand over mine and squeezing slightly. "Although, I have to say I am so glad you are moving past that mistake with that boy." I tried not to react, but I couldn't help but cast my eyes downward to avoid looking my father in the eye and giving away too much.
"It wasn't his fault, there was a family emergency. We're still going to school together in the fall." I regretted it almost immediately after I said it, as both frowned.
"Well, that's fine then. It was just that you were so upset last week." Mom didn't look convinced, as if she could tell that I was putting up a false front.
"We had a great evening, and then he got a phone call late. He left the next morning. I talked to him just yesterday, and he's going to have to skip the rest of this semester, but he'll be back in the fall when I start." I said, hiding my expression behind another mouthful of food. It tasted like ash, and I really had to force it down. My stomach was not happy with me at all, but at least I was keeping the food down this time.
"Speaking of the fall, you need to get back to school if you plan on graduating. I got a call from your principal last week about your lousy attendance this semester. Now we understand you've been grieving over Bella, but it is time you got yourself together and buckled down to finish up this year." Dad said sternly, letting out the thing he had been holding back for a while. I nodded, feeling awful for lying to him. I knew I would graduate high school… eventually, but maybe not for another decade.
"I will father. I know I have been moody and difficult; I promise I'll be better. Mom, thank you for dinner, but I'm already feeling full. May I be excused until we're ready to go out?" She nodded, and I stood and went upstairs at a painfully normal speed as my stomach began to turn over. Once I was back in my room, I shut my door and bathroom door and let go of the dinner that had balled up in my stomach. I sat on the floor next to the toilet and tried to figure out what to do next. I cleaned up again and went out into my room. I put my guitar in its case and packed a bag. Then I went to my window and opened it and felt a lift as I was greeted with fresh evening air.
"Rose?" I called out, knowing she was within earshot.
"Nope, but I hope I'll do in a pinch." Bella said as she launched herself into my window from a nearby tree.
"Where's Rose?" I asked worried that Bella might be seen by someone who would recognize her.
"She's watching to make sure Renée leaves with Phil, just in case her new talent goes sideways." Bella winced slightly; she was talking about her own mother after all.
"Sounds like a fun evening. I was hoping I could hand off the things I want to take with me. My guitar and some of my favorite clothes." I said pointing towards the things I had gathered.
"Of course, I'll get them stowed in Rose's car. When's ice cream?" She asked with a smile.
"Probably another twenty minutes or so, after the twins are fed." I guessed, it wasn't like they kept to strict timetables when it came to dinner.
"Do you know what you're going to do?" Bella sat on the edge of my bed, and I plopped down near the headboard, pulling a pillow into my lap.
"Honestly, I have no idea. I think the only way this works is if I write a note, I don't think I can force an argument with them." I had been thinking over the options, and none of them felt very good.
"We could fake your death tomorrow." She offered with a deep frown, knowing how things went with her own fake death it was interesting to hear her suggest it.
"They would need to see a body, they would never accept it otherwise. I won't be able to pretend like you did for another month at least." I shook my head, it just wouldn't work logistically for my situation.
"And you won't be able to hide your belly for much longer either. Yeah running away is the only option." She frowned, her expression matching my own inner struggle.
"I mentioned that Mason had gone home for the semester, they don't really know where he lives but I can see them calling the Cullen's to get an address. Mason's lie made perfect sense at the time." I grumbled. "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."
"I always liked that quote, although lately it feels a bit too apt. Can I ask what was lie?" She looked curious about the reasons behind yet another lie.
"Oh, he said that he was staying in Forks during the weekends because he was old friends with Emmett." I explained simply, not wanting to get into more detail.
"Great, well that cuts out one option. Do you know what you're going to write yet?" She asked trying to be supportive, I just shook my head.
"I need some time Bella; I'll see you later tonight." I gave her a hug, and she nodded grabbing my stuff and disappearing out the window with one last smile. Then I went to my desk and pulled out the stationary I had purchased on a whim on a trip to Port Angeles with Bella, Alice and Rosalie a few months back and started to write.
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is impossible to write, and it is hard to know where to begin, but I must give you something to explain what I am about to do. I don't know exactly where I am going yet, but I need to build a new life for myself. I have never wanted to go to college, and my time in Forks high has been miserable. My friendship with Bella and Alice helped push away my feelings of being alone. It kept the anger and depression I have been struggling with for years at bay for a while. With Bella gone, I just don't have anything left. It was just one last straw when Mason left to be with his family. The last thing I want is to cause either of you pain, but I have to do this for myself. Someday I will reach back out, and maybe we can rebuild our relationship. I just hope by then you have forgiven me.
Love, Angela
I just finished putting it in an envelope when I heard my father on the stairs. He knocked a moment later.
"We're headed out, you still coming?" He said in a normal voice that was difficult to read.
"Yes, give me a moment I'm just finishing something up." I said as I sealed the envelope and wrote their names on the front of it, To Jezebel and Franklin Weber. I placed it on top of my pillow and grabbed my long trench, the last thing I needed was to catch a cold from the chilly autumn rain that was starting to fall.
We all piled in the SUV, with me sandwiched between two car seats. I was a little uncomfortable, but at least I could play with the twins as we headed out. The ice cream shoppe was busy for a Tuesday evening, and there wasn't a place to sit and eat. So we all ordered to go, and mom had to balance it all on her lap. Three blocks from home we were stopped at a red light, and dad reached over and took his milkshake with a big lopsided grin. Mom just shook her head at him and motioned towards the light. He started forward, just as I caught something out of the corner of my eye coming from the left. I turned to see the truck barreling down on us a split second before it hit, just long enough to let out a scream.
I could feel the impact, and my body being thrown against my brother's car seat. I could feel the car flipping over and skidding along the asphalt. I could see my father's lifeless eyes in the rear-view mirror and could hear my mother scream just before her head slammed into the passenger window. I heard my brother Issac crying briefly before his voice cut off abruptly. Then just as we came to a stop I felt myself starting to fade, the world began to spiral and my eyes fluttered closed as I was plunged into a deep endless darkness.
Author's Note: If you are curious an Elephant has a gestational cycle of 22 months (dear lord) and a rabbit is only 36 days. Which means a hybrid vampire from conception to birth grows faster than a bunny rabbit. Awwww.
Please take a moment to leave your thoughts on this chapter, it was a hard one to write and I'm curious about your thoughts on where the story is headed. As always, I keep my profile updated with all my notes, story updates and release dates and even my ever-changing list of upcoming projects as I settle on whatever the hell I'm doing next.
Thank you for reading!