LEGAL DRUG (GOHOU DRUG) FANFIC
Title: Sanguine
Written By: RinoaDestiny
Comments: So it's been nine years since my last update. I'm happy to say that I believe it's time to revive this dead fic and give it the treatment I'd always intended for it. Seven years I spent on hiatus from writing fanfiction in general, needing a long time away to resolve certain personal issues and insecurities. In 2018, I returned to fanfic writing but went into another fandom, wherein I not only gained valuable experience in writing and finishing a long fic but also realized that I might be able to tackle previous unfinished ones. I went back to rereading this fic of mine and decided I wanted to bring it back.
So, a few things regarding canon. At the time I started this fic and left off in 2011, the canon I referred to came from the initial volumes of Legal Drug (believe it was three volumes). However, in 2015, CLAMP resumed with Drug & Drop and this is where things get tricky. Drug & Drop not only dropped a huge reveal of Saiga and Kakei being Kokuyo and Hisui from Wish, but also did a Rikuo disappearance in Drug & Drop Vol. 2 where he also gets injured in the process. Drug & Drop also confirmed a few things regarding Kei and Tsukiko, as well as gave major backstory for both women. There are a few major things within Drug & Drop that clash with the story I was telling.
As a result, I want to state that 'Sanguine' is canon to Legal Drug Vols. 1-3, but becomes canon-divergent afterwards and obviously cannot reference certain events in Drug & Drop (namely Rikuo's disappearance and Kakei and Saiga being the angel and demon from Wish due to the vulnerabilities given them in this fic). Kei and Tsukiko's psychic abilities might be able to be folded in somehow, but it all depends. Hope this doesn't discourage anyone from reading – it's just a lot happened since I left off and came back to this story.
CHAPTER 25
"Rikuo," Kazahaya said, handing Saiga's cell phone over to the taciturn youth. "Kakei-san wants to talk to you. I'll leave you alone if you'd like." It was a bit colder today, and from where he stood, he felt the wind slice through his clothes, bitter and edged against his bones. He pulled his fingers back, careful to avoid contact with Rikuo's hand.
"No, it's okay." Rikuo's voice was soft. "You don't have to leave."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." The other boy looked at the phone. "Kakei needs me for something, doesn't he?"
"He just said he needs to talk to you."
A brief glance and then away. Kazahaya turned to look at the endless sea of glass and steel stretching out before him, trying his best not to listen in. Eavesdropping was a natural for him – curiosity always got the best of him – but Rikuo was on tenuous ground and whatever passed between their boss and the younger man was none of his business. Still, he turned back to look at Rikuo – at his thin black jacket and his wind-reddened cheeks – and didn't know how Rikuo withstood the cold like this.
Or he did and tried to forget it. An icy solitary room and snow.
"Kazahaya," Rikuo said, voice butting into his thoughts. "Here. Kakei wants to speak to Saiga."
He took the phone, warm to the touch from Rikuo's hand, and didn't ask questions. Rare but Rikuo would tell him if and when he felt comfortable enough to. He felt comfortable enough waiting. No pressure.
"I'll let him know. Rikuo?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you mind if I join you afterwards out here?"
There was a brief startled flash in the other boy's green eyes. "Yeah, that's fine. Why?" That question could've meant anything. Why'd you ask? Why do you want to join me? Kazahaya didn't know which but instinct told him it was probably the first. They've been making progress, so it no longer felt alien being this close to Rikuo. Rikuo no longer cringed around him – hadn't for a while – even if night times were different.
"Just asking. See ya in a minute."
"Okay."
He closed the sliding door gently on his way inside, Rikuo's figure reflected on glass.
"So Kakei-san wants you to..."
"Back to basics." In their bedroom, on Rikuo's bed laid a metal nail file. He didn't know why they had it – they clipped their nails, yeah but only girls did the extra stuff afterwards – unless its use was only for this. Whatever it was Kakei-san was asking Rikuo to do. "You know the first step of learning any psychic ability?"
Of course he knew. "Concentration. Focus."
"That's what Kakei wants me to regain. Part of what I lost." A wry expression twisted the corner of Rikuo's lip and darkened his eyes. "He's preparing me just in case. In case things get ugly."
They will. Kazahaya didn't think they'd be able to hide forever. "So, what does he want you to do?"
"Move the file, even slightly."
"But you're not one of the telekinetics who do that." He understood the correlation but there were still differences. "You break things. Not throw them."
"I'm still moving something when I'm doing it. How do you think those locks broke or the pillars gave way at the school?"
"You can't do those things anymore?"
"I can but I can't control myself. You saw what I did in the drugstore." Bitterness seeped into Rikuo's voice like poison. "Almost brought it down on us. Almost…" A deep breath taken. "If things go bad and I can't help, then…"
"That's why we're here, Rikuo." So you don't have to fight it alone. "We're in this together."
It never hurt to reemphasize that point. Rikuo had made his life a bargaining chip – sold to guard their lives – but for the rest of them, the price was too steep. Ever since the suffering of his initial ordeal (the aftereffects still rippling), the other boy considered himself useless. His psychic ability was warped and chaotic, making him a danger as well. Reminding Rikuo that this continuing battle – for his life, soul, and future – wasn't just his burden to bear was equally important.
Critical, even, if the situation worsened.
"What if…" The nail file gleamed from the bedspread, catching the outside light. "What if…I never regain it back?"
"Rikuo?" Kazahaya had learned not to assume. Better to hear it from Rikuo himself. "Regain what back?"
"What if I never move the file?" Real fear in the other's voice. A haunted look in Rikuo's eyes. "Never gain back control?"
"You will." This, he said gently, for much more lay behind this fear. "You will, Rikuo. It'll take time, but…"
"What if it's too late by then?"
"Rikuo," Kazahaya said, taking a careful step towards his partner. "What if you start small?" He couldn't see their futures and telling Rikuo not to be afraid denied the root of his trauma, so only this approach was possible. "Even if you don't move it, how about not breaking something else? Just focus on your concentration."
"And if Kakei wants a progress report?"
"I don't think he'll demand much from you so soon." Kakei-san might've asked for their fullest when they both used to work at Green Drugstore as clerks and on their side jobs, but that was different. Restoring a natural link to one's psychic ability took time – took everything one had to regain that balance – and if Kakei-san knew how that process worked, he surely wouldn't expect Rikuo to get it back within a day or even a week. "I think he just wants you to try."
"You believe that?"
"Yeah. I do."
Rikuo's green gaze slid from his face towards the bed. Towards the nail file and its obvious purpose. "Just focus. Right." The other boy closed his eyes and inhaled. Released it and reopened his eyes, directing an apprehensive look at the benign object. "Concentrate."
It sounded like encouragement to himself, Kazahaya thought. He stayed silent.
In the past, Rikuo always looked directly at an object to break it. Recently, though, it seemed just a thought backed by strong emotion and an overwhelming urge to lash out broke anything within his range. The fork early on was broken cleanly, but didn't seem to contradict the newfound issues Rikuo was having. He'd been frustrated and hopeless in those early days – enough emotion to channel without meaning to.
Objects had broken.
Rikuo believed he was broken beyond repair. Beyond hope.
Kazahaya didn't believe that. None of the rest of them did.
It was why he was beside him now – not touching him – watching as Rikuo focused, strain evident on his pinched face. The metal nail file didn't budge, despite the intensity of Rikuo's concentration and Kazahaya wondered, but didn't voice his thoughts. He wasn't sure what ran through the other's mind – what blocked him – yet, supposed the suddenness of Kakei-san's request might've been a major part of it.
The nail file didn't move. Next to him, Rikuo let out a despairing sigh.
"It's okay, Rikuo."
The other boy was forlorn, sweat sliding down his face.
"It's okay."
Rikuo didn't respond, only folded up where he was, body slumping against the foot of his bed. Without a word or sound, Kazahaya knelt beside him, gently touching his shoulder. Rikuo leaned forward and Kazahaya held him, both of them quiet in the enclosed space.
Tomorrow, he thought, holding Rikuo against pain.
There would always be tomorrow.