Warning: Intense swearing is a thing in this short. Not that it matters anymore.
TOON WARS SHORTS
Portal Life
By Frozarburst
Based on Freeman's Mind
Upon her escape from the vast Aperture Science underground facilities into the calm quiet meadows on a sunny afternoon, Chell rests herself on the top of her ashy Weighted Companion Cube, watching the clouds breeze by. She reflects on her past meeting with the artificial intelligence, GlaDOS, and the talkative Wheatley, now floating around Earth's orbit from the Moon. Suddenly, she hears a faint car engine approaching from the distance of the dirt road next to her. In an otherwise rusty buggy with exposed parts at the front, Gordon Freeman in his Hazard Suit notices Chell to his left, slowing down to stop and look at her.
Gordon stepping out: Hey girl. What'chu up to?
Chell quickly getting up: Wait… A-are you a person? A man? An actual man?!
Gordon: Uuuuh, yeah?
Chell jumping gleefully: Thank, fucking, christ! (Claps while bouncing) EEEEEE! My prayers have really been answered!
Gordon: I'm an atheist.
Chell preparing for a hug: I don't care! (Hugs Gordon) I'm so happy I'm finally out! Wait… What year is it?
Gordon: Y'know, I don't really know. I've been on a mission with a freaking time lord for I don't know how long, and I never got a date.
Chell: I've been stuck underground in a huge facility for over 99999999999999 days. Which should be about a good few hundred years. Either that, or the computer was dead.
Gordon: (Squints) Ooookay… Wait, hold on. (Points to cube) That cube has an Aperture symbol on it. You came from there?
Chell: Yeah. Everyone in the facility died cause of an A.I. who tried to kill me until recently!
Gordon: Really?! I was working at Black Mesa before we ushered an alien invasion!
Chell: That's what those tripods walking around are?!
Gordon: See, that's what I said too! The crazy thing is, the feds got involved, and a war broke out for only 7 hours. Then the military came in, killed all sorts of old guys I used to work with, and then left as soon as I stepped in.
Chell: So you're saying Black Mesa started an invasion and the government tried to cover it up, while Aperture was making portal and turret tech for military contracts and we both fuck up?!
Gordon: Exactly!
Chell and Gordon: …
Wheatley on the moon: And then they kiss. The end.
Lamarr: Squee!