Hello everyone, and thank you all for your support!
I may not always have the time to reply personally (though I hope I will be able soon), but I really appreciate it, and your reviews always bring a smile to my face.
I hope you will enjoy this one!
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Chapter 21
The morning had long been Scarlett's favorite time of the day, though she had learned with Rhett it was also a part he enjoyed, and most likely at her expanse. Before they went on separate beds, he had loved nothing more than awakening her with either kisses or abrupt removals of the blanket and cruel tickles until she begged for mercy. Now, it was a busy part of the day, especially with her new little guest.
At first, she did not know what to do with him. She had called Doctor Meade to attend his wounds. So in a physical sense, the boy was certainly more than alright. Yet, he was so tongue-tied! That would not do, if she wanted her plan to work. And not as tongue-tied as Wade had been, which had come from a natural shyness and years of being told to be quiet and not disturb the adults. No, this one was stubbornly, almost defiantly tongue-tied, as if anyone in front of him was an enemy.
At least not when it came to Ella, and to an extent, Wade. There, this stubbornness was a more subdued one, and Scarlett knew it was difficult to resist to answer at least one of her girl's questions.
Still, the boy did not dare to leave his chambers and could be quite vocal about it. In the night, as he screamed, Rhett had prevented her from intervening in anger from lack of sleep, telling her it was dangerous to give the boy a taste of what would be taken from him, and when she hadn't understood it, he had sighed and compared it to a hungry child being given the most exquisite food, before being left to starve after. She had squirmed with the unfairness of it all, and there he explained with a smile that this was exactly what the boy might feel. Then, she had softened. But still, he wouldn't leave the rooms, as if afraid the moment he put a foot on the other side, he would be forced out of the house.
And then, there was also the impromptu training Aren had asked her to attend. The man had insisted for her to join him for another fighting lesson in the warehouse, insisting she did it with one of her heaviest dresses, so she could be prepared for anything.
She had more the impression it was to mock her. She had already fallen twice when she had tried to reach him with the stick he had given her and she didn't want it to continue.
She narrowed her eyes on him as he signaled for a break. In a fit of temper, she took one of the pieces of bread she had brought with her and ate it ferociously. Then, as this one continued to look at her as if he wanted to laugh, she barked at him.
"So, what's your real name? Are you going to tell me, now? John, Vendredi… or Aren?"
He barely raised his voice.
"Aren is my real name. Before I even arrived in this strange country. I was three, then."
"And?"
"And that's all I want to say."
"Oh. I was expecting a whole story that would bore me to death."
She let out a fake yawn to prove her point, before seeing he was not even paying attention to her.
"Fiddle-dee-dee! I may not even need this!" She stomped her foot. "I've already killed men that tried to attack me. I think I can defend myself."
"Yes," Aren said, unimpressed. "You've killed one wasted man one night. Congratulations, your father would be so proud of you."
She bit her lip in fury, offended. But then, could she really talk of the Yankee with him?
"Shut up!" She snarled. "You know nothing of my father!"
"As a matter of fact, I do," And suddenly his voice was softer. "For he is the one that saved me."
She blinked, startled.
"He did?"
"Yes, he did."
He said nothing more, and she felt incredibly frustrated by this. As time passed, she felt overwhelmed by curiosity, for she could see he did not want to tell it.
She offered him a sweet smile full of dimples and leaned in a connivant way.
"Would you mind telling me your story? Of both of you and Pansy?"
"Oh, I thought it would bore you to death?" He grinned, before shaking his head. "Our story is not one to be told like a secondhand entertainment, Mrs. Butler."
She snorted. "That seems like one thing she would say."
His grin widened.
"But if you want some bits, you'll have to pay."
"Now, that sounds like something I would say."
"That's what Pansy told me. She told me the only thing that would make you want to write was if you were sure to be paid for it graciously."
"She knows me better than I thought."
"Well I had to," An indignant contralto voice retorted. "And that wasn't even my hardest task."
Scarlett huffed at Pansy's intervention but took pleasure in seeing the eagerness and clumsiness of the one who had been mocking her so for the past minutes. There, she could not help but smile and saw that Pansy had the same in her face. She had brought water and other loaves of bread for them, and as they ate, they talked of her contact in the newspaper. Scarlett paid attention to it, curious to see what she could have written about, and decided to check it later.
But as they were about to continue the lesson, Hugh Elsing came, with a terrible expression in his face.
"Mrs. Butler! Mrs. Butler!" He cried. "John! The store… Please, come! They… they have ransacked it!"
'Who, Hugh?" She raised from her seat, alert. "Oh, please, do tell me!"
"I don't know all of them... There were women, I see, and I think some came from that house… And then there was Archie…"
"Archie?"
Memories came about that man, the one who had criticized her for the convicts when he had murdered his own wife for cheating on him. The one who eagerly went to talk to Rhett when Ashley had comforted her at the mills…
"I've heard he became some kind of guardian to it and…" Hugh's eyes were wide and distraught. "Oh, Mrs. Butler! The store! It's terrible!"
Exchanging one glance with Aren, she had followed her manager out and he had described to her the damages in the way. But she would not be content until she saw it herself.
Oh, her dear store! She had suffered for it, taking it from Frank's incompetent hands to transform it into a success. The clean, attractive shop windows she had taken great care of, exhibiting her most beautiful products. The shelves, properly organized in categories and filled with products she had lovingly selected according to what she thought people needed to buy. Oh, the gay tapestries she had ordered to be stuck on the walls, but not so bright to distract from the objects!
Most of them were on shatters now, the shells disorganized, some broken. It looked like a battlefield, with the content of numerous jars being spilled on the floor like blood. Some ribbons had been trampled on, some fabrics ripped apart. There were also some feathers, and she tried to remember where it could come from.
Overlooking this, she tried to assess the damages, and it was considerable. She sent Hugh and Charlie to seek the marshals, and she let them be questioned in her office, after saying she had just learned of the events. She sent Aren away, hoping he might get some information with his new role in Belle's house.
Finally, her heart broken but not vanquished, she wandered in all the parts of the store, trying to see what could be recovered.
It was on one of the darkest corners she saw someone she hadn't expected to.
Someone she had failed to talk to these days.
"Ashley… what are you doing here?" She called softly, feeling the pity at the sadness that irradiated from him. "Oh, Ashley… What are you doing here? It's all broken and dirty…You shouldn't be there all alone and moony."
And drunk, she realized as she went closer. Old, grey, and drunk.
"Well, you are here, and we're friends, aren't we?" He said as he turned towards her. "And friends should be allowed to talk whenever they want to... Yes… She told me… Yes, you've been waiting too," He raised his empty eyes on her and she shivered as he took a step toward her. "You love me, don't you, Scarlett? You've loved me for so long, and you've loved Melly too. Melly loved you so much. She told me she asked you to take care of me. And you're going to do that, aren't you?"
"Ashley…"
"And then she told me you'll have a divorce anyway. That maybe… You just do it to keep up appearances. That maybe… you are waiting… But you'll come back. Yes, you'll come back to me. You'll comfort me. After all, aren't we friends?"
She had the nagging feeling that "she" wasn't Melly anymore. But who could it be?
"I see that with his influence lessening on you, you are becoming the lady you should have been so many years before. It is not too late, no. Soon, he will be gone, and you'll be free… Yes, what she said was right, poor woman as she was. Oh, Scarlett, do you remember? Once you asked me, and then I refused you. I did not think we would be happy, with you so young, with such a passion for living… And, now, you'll soon be free… And look, you don't have to work at the store anymore... It's all in shatters. Everything is in shatters... Marry me, Scarlett…"
Her eyes widened and she took a step back, but he went closer to her, trying to reach her.
"What?"
"Yes, marry me. You love me, I know. You always did. And I… I love you. I love you as much as I can love anyone now. If you are worried about your reputation tarnishing mine, know that it does not matter. You told me once you would do anything for me…"
She blinked, suddenly overwhelmed with confusion and worry.
"What? What? But Melly…"
"Melly would understand. See, that letter she left me. I think she knew… And she understood… yes, she understood. Here, take it,". He pressed something into her hands, and she almost let it fall. "Oh, Scarlett, so many years you've waited for me. So many years I had kept you at distance, torn by my love for Melanie and… my love for you. She loved us both, you know. And I know you loved her. We loved her so much… And now, she's gone. And you're still so full of life, Scarlett. I've always envied that. Yes, let's comfort each other. Let me regain strength in the source of your life and grow like a tree until I can reach the sun and the sky above me. Let's grant each other that peace…"
"What?"
He was talking about love and marriage, but all she could see in his eyes was grief, melancholia that was overpowering, almost akin to madness. She had the impression he was not talking to someone else, someone above, and unreachable.
"Do you know, my dear, ever since the war, I had had nightmares. Blood all around, mixing with the mud. Our people dying, and their people too. And there was fire too, fire hot and stingy, and I don't know why, it felt like a victory at that time. A disastrous victory. Long I've felt guilty over this, but now I know. You are the fire I want to warm myself into…"
"What? No, I… It can't be, I…"
"You owe me that, after all. All these years, teasing me, always on my sight, so pretty, so bright. Sometimes even in the corner of my mind, you'll make your way, and I… I… I couldn't even look my own wife in the eyes, had to stop myself from screaming your name as I… And then… then… she's gone! But you're here…. You're my friend, you've said. And she said. You'll comfort me… You'll care for me… And now I gave you Twelve Oaks… I lived in Atlanta because of you… Yes, you owe me…"
From the corner of her sight, she saw Hugh Olsen smirking and leaving, and then she had a nagging feeling about this. Yet, this lack of attention made her not realize she had been cornered until it was too late.
His arms around her, Ashley tried to kiss her, but she slapped him hard, the blood coming to her face like a paint of war.
"Damn you, you wooden-headed… hypocrite… lowdown… Let go of me! I don't owe you anything!"
"Scarlett…"
"I would suggest you step down from that lady, gentleman. She clearly does not want your attention."
Ashley and Scarlett both froze, startled.
There stood Richard, a smirk on his lips as he eyed the other man in front of him.
Ashley looked at them both, bewildered, and it seemed suddenly as if he had figured something out. Something so monstrous it scratched his throat to even utter it.
"She was right… You are a poison in men's blood!"
"Who is she?" She stamped her foot, irritated.
But he did not answer her. Instead, he left as if he had been bitten by an angry dog, and she was left alone with Lord Fenton.
There, it all settled down on her mind, and she felt like an insect that had been scrambled under one's foot.
"Oh…" She let out, her legs failing her.
"Here, here," Richard said as he helped her to raise, his arms all around her. "It's over, now."
She wanted to reject him, to slap him. But here she felt weak. The recent event was still running in her mind and she could not help but blame herself, the other memories proving her right in her current state of mind.
Richard stared at her with a strange glint in his eyes, and she felt as wary of it as she had been with Ashley's. Had she just escaped one man's unwanted attentions to be abused by another's? It seemed so, and she tried to think of a way to get out of this situation. Rhett… Yes, Rhett was waiting for her, and he would open his arms to her. There, she would find peace, and she wouldn't be afraid.
Her gaze had softened as she stared right ahead, her lips turned with a tender curve.
And there, the glint turned into wonder.
"You know, you remind me of her. Cassandra. Men loved her, desired her. Yet, her eyes were all for me and they couldn't bear it."
That brought her back to reality and she looked at him right in the eyes.
"My eyes are only for one. The one who saved me."
"There is truth in these eyes," The English lord looked at her intensely. "Well, then, fate is settled."
Of course, there was the truth, she was tempted to scowl. She only saw Rhett.
Richard kissed her cheek, and she felt cold all over.
Then, swiftly, he left her, his eyes barely leaving her as he did. She raised softly, then joined Charlie and Hugh, that had finished giving their deposition. She tried to get rid of the icy feeling in her heart. She talked to the latter about the auction, for he had accepted to be the auctioneer, then helped to organize the store, hoping to preserve some of the objects that had been thrown down. There, she looked at her chest and felt relieved to see the money was still in it.
Rhett did not come to offer her a picnic. She felt disappointed by this, especially when it would have taken her mind out of what had happened and he would certainly have helped, but then she remembered he hadn't said he would, and the previous days had been so filled by other things it was justified he wouldn't think of it!
She thus decided to go home to take a calm meal with the children. However, there was still that letter in her satchel, and she felt its heaviness.
She took refuge in the study. She was filled with frustrated energy, that she failed to contain. She organized the shelves, tidied up the desk. She looked through the papers and finally found some of Pansy's pamphlets. Yet, she found she was not in the state of understanding them clearly, for they were not the words she was wanted to see. Finally, with a sigh of defeat, she took Melanie's letter and read it.
Beloved husband,
Oh, my love, how many joyful years have we lived together! In marrying me, you have made me the happiest woman in the world. I have lived in your shadows, taking pleasure in every one of your breaths, knowing that they were for me, and me alone. From the beginning, I had this certainty, that we were meant for each other, for we both loved the same things, and thought alike. You've complemented my weaknesses, and from yours, little as they were, I've learned to have strengths I did know I could possess.
I so wish I could have given you another child. I so wish I had been there, to watch over you in person, and to see my son grow. He's so young, so fragile and precious! My love for him is so overwhelming, for he is a part of you, of me, and the life we shared.
You can count on Scarlett, dear husband. Oh, my dear sister, how I've learned to rely on her so! She'll take care of you and Beau, just like she took care of us at Tara. I know she will. I will ask her when she comes, for I'm sure she'll come, but I have no doubt she will not fail me. She never did. She loves us so, and we've been like a great family together. She is so strong, so resilient, so full of love. SO many trials have tested her strength. Yet, knowing who loves her, who'll do anything for her, I know she'll keep being that incredible woman that supported us despite the odds. Dear Bonnie's death may have fragilized the bonds she had, yet it cannot have broken them. I have faith in them.
I want you to be there for her, a friend like always you both had been for one another. She may need you, if one day she doubts… Oh, I know how people are with her. People want what they can't have, and when they don't have it, they try to destroy it. I want you to be there for her, like I would have been. I do hope it's not too much to ask, but in my selfish heart, I cannot help but hope. Oh, if only I had even a hint of her strength in me, maybe I could have… Oh, but it's too late to think of it now.
For all these years, dear husband, I thank you with my whole heart, and I wish you the very best.
As ever, I am, Your ever-faithful wife, Melanie Wilkes
In this, she did not see anything that would suggest she expected her to marry her husband, to the contrary. Yet, what could have led him to think such a thing?
She remembered his eyes on her, insistent and somehow terrifying, like a dead, yet cold hand reaching out for her soul.
At her second reading, she cried, for there was the proof of Melly's love and faith in her, and she felt so grateful and so unworthy she was tempted to hide in her room.
No, she would not go to see these peahens. She did not feel the strength to. Everything had already been settled for the auction on the morrow. Yet, she couldn't stay there and do nothing. It wouldn't have been right by Melly.
She sent a message to tell her intentions, then changed to go to the orphanage, Wade at her side. His hand in hers, she felt pride at him, and yet she felt ashamed by the state of the store. It was supposed to be her legacy, for Wade and Ella to have after she was gone. And then…
She shook her head. No. She had Tara. And with Rhett by her side, everything would be alright.
Like the other time, they were welcomed for the food and the story, and there was a time when she let Wade tell it, curious to see how he would manage. To her satisfaction, the shyness tended to go away when he told it, and his face was animated. Fortunately, the Mother Superior had been called away and she did not have to bear her hypocrite's face.
When it was finished, one of the sisters, with an ill-at-ease expression in her face, came to see her. Scarlett was irritated by it and urged her to go to the point when she saw after a few minutes it wouldn't come out.
"Mrs. Butler… I know it's not my place to say so," She finally said, looking at her through lashes as if she was some terrible monster. "…and you've been so generous sending us all that amount of food, and all these pieces of furniture… yet… I feel like your tales are a little bit… inappropriate for the children?"
"Inappropriate?"
"Well…"
"No, I won't get out!"
Startled, the two women tried to discern where the call was coming from. With the ruckus, Scarlett did not see Wade immediately, and worry came creeping coldly in her mind, giving shudders along her spine. She left the nun and followed the cries of the children, coming back to the canteen, before realizing most of the noise came from the utility room.
There, she looked at the dirty walls, some stained with traces of humidity and grease, and the floor, almost slippery and brown as if it had been trampled on with mud (which it probably had been). This filthiness was even more brought to her attention that some of the furniture she had sent had been put in there, like that big closet that was now used as a pantry.
There, in front of it, Wade was crouched and softly talking, as if to a pet he was trying to reassure as it took refuge under a bed and growled. At his side, there was one of the sisters who was scowling, probably having told him it was no use to do so.
"Come," She heard him say. "You're safe now."
"I don't want to go there." Was his reply.
"You won't go there," He said softly. "I promise."
After a few minutes of looking at the scene that went on, she was about to intervene when she saw the girl's tiny hand slip into her son's. As she went out of her hiding place, little by little, dark curls on shattered rags were shown, and she noticed a hint of blue eyes.
She recognized the girl she had seen at the whorehouse and it made her shudder at the memory. She saw the sister at their side was about to scold the little orphan, so she interrupted her.
"What's your name, girl?" She asked, trying to hide the trouble in her voice.
The girl barely raised her eyes on her, trembling all over. Wade squeezed a little her hand, and it seemed to give her a little strength, for she replied with a tiny voice.
"Caroline."
There, at the sound of her voice, Scarlett noticed the apparition of something. She recognized this glint in his eyes, for she had seen in Melly's face when it came to defending her against her enemies.
"Mother, can we get her out? Just for tonight?" He said suddenly.
"Wade…"
As he could see she was about to chide and refuse him. him, his expression hardened and his posture straightened. His voice raised, firm and detached.
In this way, he almost looked like Rhett, and it hurt to think he could have picked up that way of his, among so many others.
"It is not…" The veiled woman scowled.
"Oh, sorry…" Wade still did not look at the nun but at his mother. "May we get her out, please?"
She stared at him, then nodded, surprised by his sudden determination, and with a sudden fear of losing him if she did not accept.
Like she lost Rhett once…
"Yes. Yes, we will."
"Mrs. Butler, I have to object…"
There, the frustration was turned towards the nun, who met her fiery glare.
"I'll take the girl for a few days," She said with a scolding voice. Don't you dare stop me, was the added implicit answer.
Who was she to question her?
This gave her even more right to do so! At least, that was one they couldn't have!
She gestured the servant who escorted her to prepare the girl and dismissed the nun, who went away fuming.
But as they went to the door to leave, other children called, and she felt her now vulnerable heart being torn apart.
"Take me too!"
"Mrs.!"
"Mother!" Screamed another one.
She wanted to scream "I can't! I can't house and feed you all!". Yet, when the door was closed, it was with shame she realized she could. But then the problem was that she did not know how Rhett would react.
As the door closed behind them, she turned towards her son, and she saw he was trembling all over. The situation had taken a toll on him.
"You'll take care of her personally. If she doesn't eat, or makes problems, it will be your responsibility," She told him firmly.
There was still a hint of fight in Wade's eyes. "I will, Mother."
"And in a few days, she will have to return," She added, and Wade's head lowered. "That was a very reckless thing you asked of me," His shoulders shook and she softened and took him suddenly in her arms. "And a very nice one."
He was stiff in her embrace, but she could see in his eyes he wanted to reciprocate and cry.
"Don't shut me out like that, Wade," She said, whispering in his ear. "I can't bear it."
Finally, the mask dropped and he returned her embrace. "Sorry, Mother."
After some time, she raised and turned to the girl, who still couldn't look into her eyes.
"There, girl. Come with us. You'll have food and shelter."
"And I'll tell you what happens next in the story," Wade added, and there was a tiny smile on his face.
As they went home, she let Wade help the girl to settle, and paced, disquiet, in the study. She thought she was going mad with worry as time passed and she imagined how Rhett would react. It was still so very fragile, and he hadn't wanted her to go to the orphanage…
Then, there was a knock on the door and she hastily sat on the couch, dusted her skirt, and tried to put her hair back to place, though she missed a few strands that hung around her face. Finally, the devil entered, and she held her breath.
In his eyes, there was a mixture of feelings that unsettled her. She thought she discerned worry, but then there was also something darker, and something sad, and an anger that surprised her. He stared at her as if there were a lot of things he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know with which one he should begin.
She looked at him and hesitated a little, unsure, and a little bit afraid by his gaze that did not reveal her what he was thinking.
Then, it softened.
"Scarlett… I've heard about the store."
Her shoulders relaxed, and she let herself show the distress she had felt at seeing her dear business in such a shatter, the ribbons scrambled on the floor and fabrics torn everywhere.
"Oh, Rhett!"
"I think you'd do better to hire someone to protect it. Perhaps even one to protect you. You're doing a lot of reckless things, these days, and I… wouldn't like it if one blamed me because you've been attacked."
There, she could not help but huff.
"No, that's a sorry attempt at an excuse. You know they'd sooner blame me than you."
"It's only a suggestion," He made a nonchalant gesture, as if he did not care. "Tomorrow, it'll be better if someone was found to protect it."
He said it was a suggestion, but from the urgency of his reply and the look in his eyes, it sounded more like an order.
"I can do it for you, if you want."
There again. The words seemed like he was offering his help, but the tone said he had already decided so. The man had already been chosen. She scowled.
"Oh, do you have always the need to control everything? I am beginning to really think 'King' is it."
He seemed confused by her sudden turn of the conversation, but for her, it felt all so clear.
"King?"
"Rhett King Butler. Yes, it fits," She nodded and felt satisfied by the way it rang as if it proved her right. "So how does it feel, my king?"
He chuckled. "Oh, dear, that's not it. But I think I enjoy immensely the sound of your voice calling me king."
"Of course you would," She muttered in a half-irritated, half-fond way. "You conceited man."
"Well, darling, consider you are feeding that conceit. Though I think we already talked about what would happen if I were king."
His eyes were glinting, but she did not remember. And even if she did, she would have certainly wondered why he continued his masquerade of the begrudging husband when his behavior was day after day turning into those of an affectionate one. It would have made her smile to think he couldn't keep the act for that long.
He sighed in amusement, before changing the subject.
"I've heard you just welcomed another orphan to the house. Is it going to be a recurring event?"
"Rec…"
He waved his hands in an irritated way.
"Is it going to happen often?"
"Wade wanted her to come."
"And you've never been known to refuse anything from your children."
She was about to retort in anger at this unfairness when Prissy's stringing voice rang in the room.
"Supper is served!"
"We'll continue this later, Scarlett."
He passed her without a look, and she had the feeling he had been dancing around another subject, and that when he would finally tackle it, she would not like it.
As food was served, she noticed their new guest, as the other, had not dared to go dining with them. Wade had shrugged with an air of helplessness. She tried to eat, but still, anxiety came like ants on her body as she did not exactly know what to expect once Rhett and she would be alone.
When they came to the study, Wade faithfully tried to get Caroline out of the room, and it seemed he failed miserably, especially when she saw Rhett and took on his big, imposing figure. Yet, her boy kept trying and finally, she followed them.
The girl sat in a corner, but did not say a word. Diligently, Wade offered her a cushion, then took his place at his mother's side.
Scarlett did not feel it in her heart to tell the tale she had prepared last night. It felt too bitter when her mind were still Melly's last words, the scenes in the store, and the orphanage and she felt the need to talk about it.
Oh, Melly… If only I had seen it, then! She lamented in her mind. You were the dearest friend I ever had, soft and loyal, and I did not deserve you!
"As the peacock was about to tell his story," She said after a moment. "Mary woke up and went to see Solene. The peacock stopped and was surprised by her presence, and as he saw how pure-hearted she was, he left as if he had been burned.
"'Oh,' Mary protested, upset. 'Why did he go away? Did I scare him?'
"Solene, that had been softened by her recent realization and memories, hugged her and said: 'Oh, no, sweet one, you did not. He was about to leave anyway.'
"Mary, surprised by such a gesture, cried with happiness and called her sister, and the two cried in silence, relieved to be together and alive after so many adventures, and worry for the next ones."
"Oh, that's sweet," Ella said contently.
"It was a very rare tender moment," Rhett commented with his jeering smile, before it softened as she jumped a little. "Yet precious. I'm sure it was better to face it with a friend, rather than be alone."
Scarlett lowered her gaze. "It was," She said simply. "Yet, they had to move on. They couldn't always stay on the island. Especially when they realized something…"
"Oh, was there a wolf on the island?" Ella cried eagerly, and Scarlett noticed at the corner of her eyes that Caroline had flinched at the mention.
"Or a tiger?" Wade joined in.
"Or maybe the island was in fact a giant turtle," Rhett said with amusement.
Scarlett cocked an eyebrow at him. "A turtle? An island? What nonsense are you saying, husband?"
Rhett shrugged. "Well, I've heard it can happen."
"Not in this story."
"A shame. It would have added a little fantasy in it."
"Aren't there enough fantasy in it?"
His eyes were twinkling. "I thought you would add a lot of them, as you're still so full of dreams for a practical woman."
"And dreamy, certainly," She batted her lashes, before remembering there were children and clearing her throat. "No, the two women went away because they didn't like to stay there, and there were still so many things to do. On the way, Solene, who had always thought mostly of herself, turned to her newfound friend.
"'I haven't asked you that,' She said. 'But I already told you what I wanted to do. But what about you? What do you want?'
"Mary gave the same answer she had given the old woman from the other time: for her loved ones to be happy and safe.
"'Oh, I've heard that,' Solene said. 'But what do you want for your own?'
"There, Mary blushed and looked down. "I want to see him again. My betrothed. I want us to be married, and have his children.'
At her side, she saw Rhett's fists being shoved in his pockets as he crossed his legs.
"Solene raised an eyebrow at her. 'That's not what you want for yourself,' she said. 'A boy, fiddle-dee-dee, there's no lacking of them in the whole world!'
Her husband looked at her in surprise, then let out a roar of laughter.
"That's true!" Ella intervened eagerly. "There are too many boys!"
"That's not true!" Wade protested. "I've heard there are more women than men…"
"So maybe we should rule the world!" Her daughter raised her hands enthusiastically.
Still laughing, Rhett was no help at all.
"Here, here, children," Scarlett tried to appease them. "Solene said it not to cause such a ruckus. She said it because, in her mind, Mary seemed too perfect. She was… gentle, generous… Always smiling… So loving," She bit her lips, then exhaled. She continued in a soft voice. "She was everything Solene was not and to see such a person… Solene was a bit jealous, and it would have reassured her very much if Mary had a flaw."
"Oh, just like I'm jealous of Susan!" Ella said. "She is so clever, and she has the brightest of blond hair! And me…" She pouted, a frown coming to her little face. "No one likes ginger hair."
"I do," Rhett said tenderly, caressing her hair. "I like them very much.
At this, Scarlett felt she would pass out from the amount of love she felt. This was also why she felt so startled when she felt his gaze on her.
"Yes, yes, they are very nice!" She blurted out.
Ella's face brightened at their praise, and there, Scarlett saw Caroline was leaving the room silently, a sad expression on hers.
Scarlett cleared her throat.
"I think we should leave it to that, children," She said. "The day had been long."
Ella protested, but then Wade, having seen the girl he was responsible out of the room, nodded, and, after the usual goodnight kiss, escorted her to the nursery.
She looked at them leaving, then settled back on the couch, weary. At her side, Rhett was observing her quietly. But she was still too deep in her thoughts to entirely notice it. She remembered the nun's words and wondered.
"Rhett… do you think my tales are inappropriate for children?"
He blinked, then relaxed.
"I did not dare to say so, my pet, but then you seemed so far gone with it."
"Since when do you not dare?" She scowled. "You've never been afraid to tell me the truth, especially when it hurt."
"That's not true."
She saw that he was hesitating though between two actions and that unnerved her. Finally, he sighed.
"Your tales… are not what any lady and gentleman would consider appropriate. Because they talk of dark matters in life and how some can learn from it, and only a few ladies and gentlemen can bear to look at it. But that's also why the children like them. It gives them the impression one understands them and does not want to keep them in the dark, which is a very frustrating thing for children. Believe me, my dear. I've heard terrible stories, ones that would make your hair raise. Yours is not one of them."
She pondered these words carefully. They were not exactly compliments, but they were certainly not insults, and she felt glad to see the honesty in it. Yet, at the end of this reflection, she felt too weary to reply to it.
"Rhett?" She said instead. "Could you bring me some brandy, please?"
He observed her a little more, then nodded.
Waiting for him, she tried to relax, or at least calm the agitation on her mind. There, she decided to see what it was all about with Pansy's anonymous articles. Certainly, now that Melly's letter had been opened, she could. She took one haphazardly, squinted a little as she tried, but she felt disturbed to see that this time her weary eyes could not bear to read a line without the letters becoming blurry.
"Still looking through the newspaper, my pet?" The voice of her husband interrupted her as he put the tray on the table. "Are you finally going to tell me what you're looking for?"
She raised her eyes at him and at that moment, they seemed like those of a cat that had been caught stealing a fish from the pantry. She looked at the paper again, then finally gave in. He was there, after all, and it had been so pleasant, the last time when he had read to her!
Funny how when others had read to her, she had found it boring and dull, and when it was Rhett's formidable bass voice, with all the tones he used to give life to the story, she was drawn to it, appeased and content.
She wanted to hear him again.
"Rhett, could you read it to me?"
He looked at her, surprised, then nodded and settled at her side with the paper. She felt he was satisfied to see her suggesting it. It made his muscles relax when she had seen moments before they had seemed tense, like those of a panther about to pounce on its prey. She put her head on his shoulder, his drawling Charlestonian voice like a caress on her ears, and she felt his hand taking her, the thumb drawing light circles on it. He stopped his reading and explained when he could see she did not understand some parts, and she felt it had been such a long time since he had been so open, so ready to explain things without mocking her ignorance. She nodded through the explanations and urged him to continue. When it was over, they looked at the paper, as if at loss of what to say.
Scarlett knew at least why she wasn't talking. What was written seemed so different from what she had seen, and she now realized how limited it was. She tried to protest it, to think that Tara was different. And yet came the remembrance that only a few of their slaves had stayed when war came to it.
Finally, it was Rhett that broke the silence.
"That's a nice style. A bit direct and unsophisticated, but it goes to the point. I'm surprised it interests you. Well, it certainly will not please the other Southerners."
There was lightness and jeering in his tone, but as always it didn't seem to be only jeering at others.
"What about you, Rhett?"
He blinked, startled.
"Me?" He looked at her in a strange way. "It's strange you would ask my opinion, pet. You never did."
She shrugged.
"That's because you've never waited for me to give it."
He let out a laugh. "True enough."
She saw him look once again at the paper, but she doubted he was seeing the letters. He seemed far away, yet with a vulnerability that broke her heart.
"You know, my father owned a rice plantation, and ruled it with an iron fist. 'Time is money, money that I lose if nothing is at its place' would he say, and damn that was one of the things I hated most about him. Surprising how only my money was that offensive to him. And then I saw it. Have you seen a slave beaten to death, Scarlett? No, I don't suppose you did. Your father was not one to do so, nor demand it. It was a boy, barely a few years older than me. I always had him with me, as I went with the others on foolish errands. The more time passed, the more untamed I became. Until one day I found out where was my limit. I… freed that slave. Helped him to escape. When my father found out, he made everything to get him back. Then he made me watch. 'This is the price of your recklessness,' he had said. 'You may not be the one that held the whip, but it is you who made it so.'… Then… That's when I decided I'll never be like my father. That I'll try to escape. That and their nonsensical way of life, their little hypocrisies and pettiness that I couldn't bear anymore. And then, one month later, an accident forced me to stay longer than what was necessary on a carriage with an insipid girl. That was the last straw. For him and for me. That's when I decided to make sure to always be the one that holds the whip. So then I can be the one to decide to use it or not."
He paused, and she examined him closely. The flaring nostrils, the haunted eyes, and the firm cutting jaw. What a torturous man she had married, she thought, and she loved him all the more for it. In him, she could see her own fear in letting someone else decide of their fate, and though she was still barely grasping the extent of the injustice of it all, she could see now how revolting it was.
She squeezed his hand in support, hoping it would be enough to convey how much she felt for him.
"You've never told me this story."
"I never wanted to think about it."
"And now you've told it to me," She felt him tense under her. "Thank you."
He looked at her with a surprise that seemed akin to wonder, and an intense feeling of giddiness came over her at being the center of his attention, and this time not being for one thing he thought she was doing wrong.
"Maybe they are right," She finally found her voice back. "The one who writes it. How can it be that one part of the people would have the right to rule another?"
He let out an amused smile.
"By God, Scarlett, are you going to be one of those suffragists?"
She looked at him with wide eyes.
"Suffra-… Fiddle-dee-dee, Rhett Butler! Use normal words!"
"People who fight for their convictions that anyone should be allowed to vote, and sometimes are ready to do everything for it to be true, even to the expanse of their own well-being."
"Well, I'm not an… whatever you say," She crossed her arms, pouting as he chuckled. "And I doubt that my voice would change anything about it, with the reputation I have. Yet" she said with a softer voice. "Maybe for other things… Yes, I could be of help."
"For what things, darling?"
"The orphanage, for example. Oh, Rhett, what happens in it…"
She felt him stiffened under her, his hand leaving hers as he raised.
"And how did you discover that, I wonder? In which place have you been to learn such a thing?" He said in his jeering tone, a bland cruelty in his eyes she hadn't seen for days. "Or… maybe someone told you?"
She was startled at the change, and for a time wondered what could have brought it. But then she remembered her encounter with Aren, Todd, and Patrick, and she felt the unease covering her like a damp blanket.
She couldn't tell him of the night she followed him to that house. Oh, the shame! And he already seemed so angry!
Who? He had asked who? Yes, she thought. That could set him in the other way, and he would not suspect she had seen it herself.
"Yes! That's it!"
"Who?"
She blinked stupidly, before realizing that by wanting to avoid it, she had dug a hole larger than she had expected. She scowled.
"Does it matter who?"
"It matters to me," Was his sharp reply. "Who told you that? For whom do you work for? Who do you seek to impress with that act of charity? Now you can admit it to me. I hope it's not your precious Ashley, I had been so pleased in seeing you grow up."
There was a strange glint in his eyes, and she wondered for a time if he was jealous. But how so?
"No, it's not!" She scolded, offended. " I do it for myself"
"Then who told you about it?" He growled. "For I'm sure you did not figure it out on your own. You may have many similarities with a cat, my dear, but curiosity is not one of them. Fortunately."
She lowered her gaze.
"It's… Todd Smith. But don't be mad"
"Oh, that nosy fool! When I'll see him! Don't you see it's dangerous?"
She raised her head, the slanting green eyes flashing in a dangerous flash.
"And how is it wrong that I know such a thing! That he dared to tell me such a reality, clearly showing me then that he thought me strong enough to hear it? Not everyone likes to keep me in the dark like you seem to enjoy doing…"
"I don't enjoy it!" "
"Then why are you doing it? Beside… you insult me! Can't I just work for myself? Does it have to be because of a man?" She stopped, trying to regain her breath. "You said I was doing good as a mother… Was it all a lie or do you truly believe me that heartless not to care when I see children going through that thing?"
She sighed as she gathered her thoughts.
"I admit I was not genuine the first time I came. I wanted…" She hesitated, before shaking her head. It was Rhett she was talking to! She always could tell him everything, especially the things she knew others would not bear. "I wanted to be accepted. I thought… Well, you already told me once: everyone loves children. Or at least pretend they love them. I thought if I could just associate myself with that, maybe it would work. Maybe then they wouldn't see me in such a dark light. Maybe then Wade and Ella would at least be accepted again, and not lonely," She saw he was about to intervene, but she was not ready to let him talk yet. "And then… Then, I saw the looks in their eyes. The hunger, Rhett. It felt… oh, it felt just like at Tara, and I remembered… Yet, I could see there was something wrong, so terribly wrong, and I saw… Oh, never mind what I saw, or where! The questions never stopped. And I knew you did not want to answer these questions, so I say, why not ask someone else? Mr. Smith was there, and he told me. And now… Oh, Rhett, how would I be able to look at me in the mirror if I let this go? What would Melly think of me? What would my mother? And now, each time I look at my children, I can't help but ask myself… what if it was them?"
As she lowered her gaze filled with shame and guilt she had tried to conceal so many time, she couldn't see the regret in Rhett's.
"I'm sorry, Scarlett," He shook his head. "I got carried away."
She raised her head defiantly, before softening at the apology in his eyes.
"Rhett, this could be Ella! This could be Bonnie!"
His fists clenched.
"This could never have been Bonnie," He growled. "I wouldn't have let it."
"And I wouldn't let Ella," She retorted. "Don't you dare to stop me with that."
"You can't go and change the world because suddenly you realize something."
"Well, what do you want me to do, Rhett? Turn away now so that it might not bother me anymore? I've been blind to many things my whole life, and sometimes with my own fault because I didn't want to see. I am sick of it! So don't you dare stop me!"
"I won't. No, I can see it in your eyes you won't stop even if I tell you so. Instead, I will help."
"You will?"
He smiled lightly.
"Don't look so bewildered. It's not every day that I see a woman like you deciding to do such a good deal. Who would I be if I stopped you?"
She let out a relieved laugh.
"Thank you!" She said softly as she raised to join him. Yet, she stopped before embracing him, unsure. "I'm glad that you… you…"
"Oh, because you think I'll do it freely? I think I told you once I always get paid"
There was a twinkle in his eyes that made her smile. Oh, Rhett, she thought fondly.
"How much?"
"You ask the wrong question, my greedy little wife,"
"And what is the right question, husband?"
"The right question is… what?"
Her throat felt dry as she suddenly remembered a night of passion, years ago, when she had felt he was baring his soul to her, and urging her to do the same. She felt a deep need build up in the pit of her stomach, expectant and yet uneasy still with the admission of its own presence.
"What would you want?"
He observed her for a while then chuckled, taking a step forward. His fingers found one errand strand of hair and played with it, his thumb sometimes grazing her cheek.
"Oh, Scarlett, I'll not ask you to open your bed for me in payment for such a thing. You're still so bad at hiding your thoughts from me, my pet. I did say by the end of the week or so, you'll ask me yourself, and I very much intend to see these pretty lips beg for me to take you… Yet…" There, it seemed like he was talking to himself, slowly, as if to convince himself. "Yes… Let lips do what hands do: they pray, grant though, lest faith turns to despair…"
"What?" She blinked, then scowled. "Can't you speak with your own words?"
He grinned, but there was still some darkness in his eyes.
"Oh, Scarlett, I should have known that though your view has widened considerably, there are still some terrible lacks. Oh, no, don't scowl, you'll only make me smile harder. What I want is… a taste. Yes, a taste. Of the good old times."
She lifted an eyebrow at him.
"A taste?"
His brows waggled, his eyes shining in amusement.
"Do I have to spell everything for you?"
"Oh, I know very well what a taste, is, thank you, but I'm not sure if your help is worth it," She batted her eyelashes.
"You're right. My help is worth more than it."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Oh? Well, then, I guess I'll keep it. Maybe others would be interested."
"Oh, well, then, damn you!"
He took her in his arms, and there she knew she was all gone and happy so.
That kiss was possessive and fierce. His lips pressed her almost harshly, his tongue grazing sensually the opening of her mouth until she gave in and let him in. She shivered deliciously as they met, though it seemed like a war she had already lost. He entered it with a growl, and she felt no other choice but to bend to him, her body melting under him. His grip was hard on her, and she felt so tightly pressed against his body it seemed she could barely breathe, nor distinguish the quick thudding of her heart from his.
"Rhett," She managed to say when finally his lips left hers. Her voice was feeble, yet wanting. "You're holding me too strongly."
"I am a strong man, Scarlett. Certainly, by now you know it."
He took once again her mouth with his, and bit lightly the lower lip before his tongue joined hers. One hand raised to meet the back of her neck, the other settled on her lower back.
She felt dizzy by it.
"What's that kiss for?" She said, breathless, when it ended.
"Well, didn't you say you needed kisses badly?" His eyes were bland as they were on hers, yet there was a hardness in the set of his jaw that betrayed a stronger feeling. "Or maybe you found another place to take them?"
She looked at him closely, at his barely concealed need and deep insecurity that now she could see clearly, and wondered at the latter. Had he learned about what happened with Ashley? If so, was he aware it had been forced on her and she had rejected him?
Was he aware of Richard's intervention?
The idea made her shiver, and yet, she felt oddly satisfied to think of him as jealous. It made her warm all over, for it was like he wanted to claim her, just like she wanted to be claimed. Just like she wanted to claim him.
"No," She stroke his cheek with a tenderness that provoked a slight tremor on his lips as his eyes kept searching on his face for a lie. "These are the only ones I want and need."
His eyes gleamed. She saw the dare in it before the words even left his mouth.
"Then come take them if you want them."
In the end, she didn't know if she was the one to take it, for it seemed they both met each other half-way. She put her fingers in his hair, gripping so hard she thought it would hurt. Yet, he only moaned, and his arms pressed her harder against him.
"You know," She said with a husky voice that betrayed a warning through the kisses. "our marriage made me realize something, at least."
"What, my dear?"
Her lips stretched, teasing and she stopped, feeling satisfied with herself as she saw the glimpse of disappointment in his eyes as she leaned back.
"What I want in a husband. I don't want half a man, trying to conceal everything to me. To such a man, I could only give only half of me, and I doubt it'd be enjoyable for both of us. I want my man to be true to me, to accept to lean on me, just like I would on him. I don't want to be a pet, nor a child for him."
"You're asking a lot. And 'pet' is a charming nickname for a woman so alike a cat like you, don't you think?"
She met his mocking gaze with her serious one.
"No, it is not. And I've seen what happens when it's not the case. I want my man to love me, trust me, and respect me. I want to be able to trust him. I want to be the equal of that man, or else on the way to be, and I want him to accept me as such, and to help me reach it, not sabotage me. I want him to fight with me, not against me. Is it too much to ask?"
"That only happens once in a lifetime. Certainly, you must realize it."
His grip tightened on her waist. It sounded like a warning. As if he was threatening her of dire consequences if she ever looked for it elsewhere.
She wanted to scoff at the idea.
"I know. To such a man, I will never even have the idea of holding a whip against him. Except," And this time the warning was hers, and the green was dangerously bright on him. "if for him there are other beds and other women in it."
His eyes softened and it made her heart thud lightly.
"I'm sure no man who loves you could be unfaithful if he feels there's only the two of you in your bed and you give him all of your love."
She smiled softly, her throat thick with emotion.
"Then, I'll make sure he knows of my love every step of the way, and he'll have no doubt," Her lips stretched, and her cheeks blushed at the boldness of her next statement. "And I'll make sure to keep the bed warm only for him."
She forgot the fact that her mother must be rolling in her grave as his eyes twinkled, and suddenly they were all she could see. She pressed his lips lightly on his and he reciprocated. She felt his hands reaching the laces of her corset, slowly untangling them, and she hummed through their kiss, in her grip ripping a few buttons of his shirt, leaving a piece of warm, swarthy skin she lay her hands on. It seemed to embolden him, for his mouth suddenly forced hers apart, and she felt the strength of his passion like a sudden wave of summer heat. She held on to it with a need akin to his own, until it left both of them breathless and they had to stop. Forehead against forehead, ragged breath meeting ragged breath, they looked at each other and saw the same thing. He leaned in once again to take her tingling lips with his, but she stopped him, putting slowly her small hand on his half-opened mouth. Softly, she traced his mustache with her fingers. She pressed her lips together at his questioning glance, before taking a step back.
She took a little while to compose herself and calm her poor thumping heart. He was watching her intently, in a way that made her shiver and squirm, like a call she desperately wanted to answer, yet did not dare to.
"Kisses are sweet, husband. But if you want more, you'll need to do much more than that. I'm no easy woman and I won't be treated as much, without any guarantee," She looked at his lips one last time. "Goodnight, my love."
As she slipped from his embrace and turned away, she heard his voice behind her. "Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight, honey?"
She let out a joyful snort, remembering one day when she was the one asking for another. She looked at him straight in the eyes, amused, then tried to imitate his drawling voice, a smile unfortunately too loving to be mocking on her lips: "Don't you think you've had enough kissing for one evening, my king?"
His laugh was genuine with delight as she left the room with a wink after blowing a kiss at him.
He was not calling her queen yet. But she knew he would. In time.