Chapter 24

October 31st

'So we're gonna hit the river court Haley.' Lucas said as he came from around the back of the café, the basketball attached to his hip, the nostalgic vision of it all struck her.

'You sure you don't want to come?' Nathan said as he grabbed his jacket off the back of the high chair and began slipping it on him.

'Yea I just want to chill here for a bit.'

'Go on you two give the girl a break.' Karen cajoled them smirking as she noticed Nathan watching Haley, she was sure the boy didn't even notice how often his eyes sought after her.

The two of them said their goodbyes before walking out the door of the café together. Haley smiled as she watched them leave. 'That's all I wanted for Luke when we were small.' She said as she slid into the high stool.

Karen smiled. 'It's all I ever wanted for all of you not to be victims of our generation. You can see it now Haley, they're healing…maybe you can too.' She said softly.

Haley sent her a smile.

'You know there's a woman I spoke to after it all happened with Dan. I still do speak to her sometime, I could give you her number if you'd like…..there's so rush but maybe in time.'

'How do you open up to a stranger?'

'It's felt easier in some ways to be so forthcoming.'

'I wouldn't….I wouldn't know where to begin.'

'Just start with yourself and the rest becomes clear. I know it may seem daunting Haley feeling you have to open up about your life and your experiences but it isn't this process where they measure up each year of your life…just simply begin talking and you'll find after some time things just start to become clearer and they feel ok again.'

'I'll think about it.' She said softly and Karen just reached for her hand giving it a squeeze. 'Your mom would be so proud of you Haley.' She caught the doubt crossing the girl's eyes. 'She would, your carving a life for yourself and that may seem like it's not happening for you right now but it is, sometimes the only way out is through.'

'I've really missed this.' Haley said earnestly.

'We've missed you.' Karen said. 'You going to this costume party tonight?' She said with a playful eye roll then as she went back around the counter.

Grateful for the reprieve in this heavy conversation Haley nodded. 'I am, Peyton's back in town for it. I'm actually going over there shortly to help with her costume.'

'I can't believe I have to get into fancy dress I said I never would again after high school.'

Haley smiled. 'So what's your costume?'

'Pregnant cheerleader.' Karen teased as Haley gasped and also smiled, the grace and acceptance that Karen carried for how things had panned out in her life was something to be admired.

XXXXX

'Well I really just fit right in here..' Peyton teased as she handed over the vodka and lime soda to the girls. 'Co-ordinating outfits….next you're going to tell me your best friends.' Peyton teased at Brooke and Haley standing across from her in their fancy dress, a ladybird, and a bumble bee.

'We are.' Brooke mused.

'Brooke made that decision.' Haley joked as the girls laughed.

'Besides if I had no say in this matter I was afraid Haley was going to show up as her emotional state like some angel of death..'

'Shut up..' Peyton said as she showed off her ghastly costume. 'You don't hold back do you?' She said pointedly towards Brooke.

Haley just shook her head as she took a sip from her drink.

'Never have. Besides even if you're a sad bee Haley at least you look hot.'

'Oh cause nothing else matters.'

'You're learning.' Brooke mused. 'Now I need to scope you two out some hot boys. It's costume night girls this is what we are here for.'

'She's still as intense as ever.' Peyton mused as Brooke walked towards the bar.

'Yea.' Haley laughed.

'Come here…' Peyton said as she pulled her friend in for a hug. 'I didn't want to do that with Brooke she'd make it into some weird lesbian thing.'

They both chuckled as they pulled away.

'What I don't see you for 5 months and you go all junior year Peyton on me…' Peyton lightened. 'Jake called me.'

'He shouldn't have had to do that.'

'No I'm glad he did and it was actually nice to just speak on the phone as friends knowing all the dust has settled, me and Jake are ok. But me and you…look I'm not going to say I wish you could have called me back because truth is I would have dealt with things the same way you have.'

'I'm really glad you're here Peyton, I missed you.'

'I missed you too. And Nate…where is he?'

Her heart fluttered in that familiar way. 'Eh I don't know I haven't seen him.'

'How is that? being back with him?'

Peyton knew it all. Every detail of what happened when he came to visit her in Brown and when they properly knew things were over. 'It's…..hard..' Haley blew out. 'It's so easy to just lean into that connection I have with him, I thought that would be gone…I thought I wouldn't feel it but it's there.'

'Just don't give it airtime.' Peyton caught the credulous look on Haley's face. 'I know easier said than done right what I mean is of course all of those old feelings or maybe even new ones are going to come up again, let them just don't feel like you have to act on them or fight them off….just let them be and eventually it will be easier to manage, it may even go away..'

Haley doubted that but her words made sense. She knew she was putting too much pressure on herself to feel nothing and creating so much resistance that she was in contrast feeling everything.

Maybe if she viewed those feelings passively like she had been her life the past few months.

'So is Brooke and Lucas finally gave it a real go huh?' Peyton said moving the conversation along.

Haley rolled her eyes playfully. 'She flies down from New York most weekends just like when they were dating non-exclusively.'

'Makes sense.' Peyton teased. 'Oh god you do realise this is the first time the both of us have been single together.'

Haley caught Peyton's look. 'Nothing is happening.'

'Oh tonight is going to be fun.

XXXXX

She'd had quite a lot to drink which maybe wasn't wise or maybe it was the smartest decision she'd made all night. She wasn't coherent enough to come to a conclusion on that thought nor did she care.

She drank and danced with the girls all night, the alcohol swimming through her veins loosened her inhibitions and quietened her challenged mind.

She squirmed her way through the packed crowd from the bar when she felt another pair of hands land on her hips.

'Damn you are one hot insect…' His voice was much too desperate to be anyway sexy.

Haley shrugged herself away from him. Could these guys get any better lines? Brooke be damned and these ridiculous bug costumes.

'What's wrong you fine thing?'

Fine thing? Haley scoffed before pushing away from him. Again he grabbed onto her hips. 'Get off me.' Haley said just as another person's stepped in beside them .'I think the girl wants you to leave her alone.'

'It's none of your business…'

'When your mauling my friend it is my business…'

'Whatever…' The guy spewed rolling his eyes as he stormed off.

The guy pulled off his batman mask.

'Nath….' Her words dropped from her lips as if the air had taken them and both her ability to breathe as she glanced up at him, his hair was much shorter again, the skin around his eyes was smoked in heavy black makeup which only enhanced the blue night aroma of them. Fuck. He looked so damn sexy. Maybe the sexiest ever. Haley felt her body temperature burning up at both the sight of him and her wanton thoughts.

She wanted him. Right now, tonight. She wanted him. Badly.

His eyes which wandered down drinking her in only made those impulses stronger, he was looking at her like that. It had felt like ages since he looked at her in that way.

She needed water or something very, very cold.

'Are you okay?' Was it her or was his voice dripping with desire despite the friendly context of his message.

'Eh…yea…..I just….can you get me some water?' Haley said as she pulled herself up onto the high stool behind her. She needed to sit now.

He smiled and easily made his way through the throngs of people to the bar.

Haley blew out a breath as she watched him, the costume just clung to his broad shoulders perfectly. She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts glancing away from the bar. Staring at him from behind wasn't going to help matters.

She ran the back of her hand across her balmy forehead as she tried to settle herself.

'Here…' Nathan said as he left the glass of water down in front of her. She watched as he took a sip of his beer before he left it on the table.

'Damien west.' He said then catching Haley' curious eyes. 'That's who that guy was he used to play for Pontiac. He's a prick.'

'You know him?'

'Know of him.' Nathan said pointedly. 'But he didn't know me.' He grinned.

'He said I was a hot insect.' Haley said with an eye roll.

Nathan smiled at that and she caught that look in his eyes and glared playfully at him. 'What? You are….' Nathan said unashamedly.

Haley shoved him.

'I mean it's a terrible chat up line but it's true.'

Haley just shook her head, couldn't help the smile on her features. 'This was Brooke's less slutty version of fancy dress.'

'I think if she dressed you in her slutty version that would have finished me off.' Nathan teased

Haley admonished him again yet part of her took delight in his flirting, likely the drinks he had consumed was dropping his cautiousness around her. Not that Nathan was particularly guarded with her but when it came to the feelings between them there was definitely some invisible boundary there not to be crossed since she had come back from Brown.

'I'm sorry but I can't deny that Hales you are a really sexy bumble bee..' He outwardly teased her.

'Nathan…stop…' She playfully baited him, her teeth coming out to bite her lip simultaneously from nerves and dare she say excitement.

His eyes glazed over lustfully at her actions. 'So aside from water what are you drinking?'

'Are you chatting me up?' Haley teased him enjoying that gorgeous grin that lit up his features.

'Honestly, I don't even know anymore…' He mused as the two of them laughed, their eyes sparkling at each other.

It was strange how she could feel all the beginnings of a new relationship with him, as those the world as they knew it didn't belong to them. It's like time was given her a window into what meeting Nathan would have been like without their family history.

It was a window for tonight she'd like to escape through.

'Nathan Scott you've been hiding out on me…' Peyton's excitable voice broke the two of them apart from their staring contest and within seconds she had leaped into his arms.

Yea everyone was a little tipsy tonight.

'Peyton Sawyer shown up as a deathly angel you really haven't changed at all.' He goaded her.

'But apparently you have….what 6ft wasn't enough for you so you go and get taller?'

Nathan just chuckled.

Haley felt a slight shimmer of disappointment nestle inside of her for the interruption. She was delighting in the brewing feelings inside of her a little too much, in their flirtatious interaction, she wasn't ready to call it quits even with knowing it was an action she would regret tomorrow.

But the enticement to engage in this version of them was much too strong.

'so what do you think of Mr California at the bar?'

'I think he's not your type.' Haley joked.

'Yea he's too happy Peyt you'd ruin his life.' Nathan added on.

She just slapped him across the head.

Peyton just laughed. 'He's getting me a drink actually.'

'What?' Haley said.

'Brooke set us up and she's coming for you so just a heads up.' Peyton winked as she strolled over to the bar.

'That can't work.' Nathan commented as he glanced at them before looking back at Haley.

'So how about that drink?' She smirked enjoying how much she caught him off guard with that question, something embolden about observing his default confident exterior falter around her.

'You still a vodka girl Haley?' He recovered then with that sideways smirk of his.

Haley gave him a look he knew all too well before holding out her hand for him to take it, the moment he did the electric energy just zorbed between them as she popped off her stool, her breath hitched as she realised just how close they were, the current was stifling, hot and heavy. she couldn't breathe. His bangs were matted with sweat now on his forehead; his masculine scent just consumed her. Haley glanced at him eyeliner and all around his eyes, he looked so fucking hot….heat rushed through her veins and before she even realised her tongue was involuntarily wetting her lips, as she eyed him….was she imagining things are did his eyes seem to darken. Screw the drink Haley thought and within seconds on complete heady, hot impulse she leaned up and pulled him down crashing her lips against his.

Their usual tasteful rhythm escaped them, this kiss was heady and impulsive, almost sinful in ways how much they were mauling each other off the dancefloor. Neither cared. Nathan groaned, his arms coming to wrap around her small waist pushing her fully into him, the costumes seemed to separate them and their mouths fought just as hard because of that, like they were greedy for each other.

Minutes felt like hours as their lips moved hungrily, breaking for air his lips couldn't resist contact with her skin as he kissed and sucked on her neckline beads of sweat mixed in with the taste of her, it was sinfully incredible. He could never get enough of her, as if sensing his need Nathan felt Haley pull her back towards him and their mouths duelled together again in an erotic dance.

XXXXX

Haley groaned as she opened her heavy lids which felt like someone has pasted them down. Bad idea. She groaned as the piercing sound hammered at her head relentlessly. Make it stop.

She opened her eyes again the brightness only latching onto the ever dull aching pain in her forehead.

The screaming red walls of Peyton's old bedroom attacked her eyes and she lay back down rubbing her temples. This scene was all too familiar and all too disconcerting.

'Morning boozy.' Peyton teased her as she came out of her bathroom.

Well she may as well play into their old routine. It was rather amusing. 'What happened?'

Peyton smirked obviously enjoying the deja vúness of it all. 'You wanted to have sex with Nathan so I brought you back to my place.'

'Please tell me this is your way of trying to torture me even more because we both know you do love tormenting hungover people.'

'No just overly amused by how things really don't change.'

'Why….would I …..how?'

'You don't remember?'

Haley said nothing those hands that were rubbing her temples now covered her eyes.

Peyton could clearly see the creeping red on her cheeks. 'Or you don't want to?'

How could she now…they'd practically mauled each other in Tric in front of everyone. Even Karen and Keith….everyone. 'Everyone knows don't they..'

'I mean you two were….'

'Please don't.'

'It was hot.' Peyton interceded.

Haley groaned.

'so much for not giving those feelings airtime eh?' Peyton teased her watching as her hands slipped from her face and she just shot her friend an evil glare. 'Too soon?'

'Well your days about to get even more eventful…you've Sunday dinner at Karen and Keith's in 2 hours.'

Haley groaned even more. Today was their last day before travelling back to Gilmore. Karen was going to spill them all with her roast dinner. The thought of the food alone made her queasy and she loved Karen's dinners. Now she had to face them all knowing they'd obviously witnessed her and Nathan practically eating each other last night all the while facing him simultaneously.

'What did I do to deserve this?' Haley mumbled full of self-pity as she turned over in the bed.

'I think you'll find it's not what you did but who you were doing.' Peyton mused ducking as Haley tossed a pillow in her direction.

XXXXX

'I just don't understand you had self-control around her for like ten years as hormonal teenager and one night you just completely eat her up…' Brooke goaded him as she leaned against the chair her perfectly polished nails grazing against the shiny wooden surface.

Lucas smirked over at her words.

'Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help?' Nathan cut his brother a look as he finished setting the table for Karen.

'I don't even know what you both find so funny it's not like ye have a model relationship.' He mumbled to himself making sure they also heard.

'Well that makes two of us.' Lucas teased him.

'Haley and I aren't in a relationship…' Nathan replied haughtily.

'Who said anything about Haley?' Brooke joined in on the teasing.

Nathan just glared at the two of them. 'I hate you both.'

'Oh come on you need to….'

'If you say chill Lucas I'm going to come over there and stab you with this knife myself.'

'Oh-kay…..' Brooke said as she stepped over to Nathan. 'How about I do the cutlery and you do the napkins or take a cold shower…'

'You think this is funny?' Nathan spewed at her hotly.

'Oh come on Nate…'

'Come on what at no point in the night did either of you think oh hey look there's Nathan with Haley maybe we should go over there. You guys knew I was drinking a lot…'

'Yea but you weren't drunk.' Lucas said. 'And neither was she.'

It would be easy to hide behind the fact that they were. 'Yea well neither of us were particularly sober either.'

'It needed to happen why are you in such a state over it?'

'Because it was the last thing that needed to happen Brooke.' Nathan said. 'We were actually in a ok of a place where she was comfortable around me…'

'That's not entirely true.' Lucas said and Nathan just crossed his eyes at him. 'Come on Nate if an ok place for you two is skating around each other and avoiding any kind of remotely personal conversation then you're kidding yourself. Maybe Brooke is right, maybe this did need to happen…'

'Haley's not ready for that right now, in fact if I remember correctly I don't think she'll ever be ready for us again.'

'It didn't look that way last night…'

'That was just…' Nathan faltered then; he didn't know what that was.

'Your emotions are still all tied up in this, your both resisting it too much. You need to have that conversation..' Brooke said softly then as her teasing abated.

'And what go where….where do we go from here?' Nathan pondered desperately. He had been avoiding that conversation, he was fearful of it.

'I don't know but Lucas is right you can't keep living in this false pretence it will do you both more harm than good.'

'I don't know what to say to her.' He was as nervous as he was excited after seeing her last night. It was so fucked up, how could he be feeling all of this like he was crushing on her for the first time, but in hindsight he'd always felt that around Haley. Yea he definitely felt like a nervous schoolboy. Even after all this time she still made him loose control.

'Well you better figure it out cause she's here.' Lucas said as he stepped out of the living room.

'for a writer, his words really don't help a lot.' Nathan mumbled as he blew out a breath.

Brooke just smiled. 'He wants you both to be happy you know that.'

'Just do me a favour and sit across from me at the table this is already going to be uncomfortable enough'

Brooke just smiled. did he know her at all? She thrived off sexual tension, stolen glances, and awkward encounters.

'I mean it Brooke.' Nathan reiterated catching that look on her face.

XXXXX

If Brooke was a guy he'd hurt her. He was mad, in ways he redirected his focus away from all that raggedy energy running through his veins. Brooke had conveniently slid into the chair diagonal from him meaning Haley was directly across from him with Keith and Karen at each side of the table.

He felt like every little move between them was being watched which was ridiculous. It wasn't the case but it felt like it.

He was being paranoid. Everyone had seen them last night seen as they conveniently decided to pounce on each other in like the most glaringly popular part of the bar.

Nathan sighed as he fidgeted with the watch on his left hand he'd practically wolfed his starter grateful for the distraction but now he didn't know what to do with himself.

Haley looked beautiful, of course she did. But it's like she was trying to torture him in a navy off the shoulder jersey dress. It was a simple dress but on her it was exquisite. It contrasted the golden hue of her locks so stunningly.

He peeled his eyes away from her again. It was like a knee jerk reaction the amount of times they found her already he couldn't help it. He kept looking over.

She hadn't met his eyes once.

Until now.

Then he realised everyone was looking at them.

'Nate…' Lucas said then giving him a look.

'Sorry I didn't catch that…'

'Did you think any more about that major of yours?' Keith repeated.

'Oh am yea I spoke to Whitey about it looks like I'd have to do another year in college.'

'What's this about?' Brooke said taking the words directly out of Haley's mind.

'Eh…I did some work shadowing with the physio of the team last semester I'm considering going for it.'

Haley found herself smiling, funny how she could feel simultaneously happy at the thought of him and yet sad by the details all the same, she missed these conversations with him.

'Physiotherapy wow your surpassing Lucas great author expectations.' Keith teased.

Everyone chuckled good naturedly.

'I love how you all think it's not going to happen.' Lucas piped up.

'It won't.' Nathan goaded him.

'Yea well I didn't exactly see you excelling in science.'

'Boys.' Keith goaded.

Haley and Brooke smiled knowingly at each other. It was almost like they fought as brothers their whole lives.

'So it would be tough I take it to transfer in?'

'I'd have to do an entrance exam and then there's the extra year I'm not too worried about that but yea some of the modules look sketchy physics isn't my area.'

'Haley could always tutor you.' Brooke said almost too sweetly.

Nathan cut her a look which wasn't so discreet amongst everyone.

'That's right isn't that how you two became friends?' Keith said easily.

Haley just nodded stealing an awkward glance Nathan's way.

'Yea friends…' Brooke said smiling sweetly at Nathan. This time both Nathan and Haley glared her way, he went as far as to tap her leg under the table only in reaching his leg diagonally across he brushed against Haley instead.

Haley flinched away hitting the table.

'You ok?' Karen said smiling at the girl's fumbling ways, somethings hadn't change.

'Yea.' Haley said softly, her eyes met Nathan's and once again they found themselves tied up the fun game of who could look away the quickest. She needed out of this room. 'That was lovely Karen let me get these.' Haley said as she quickly stood to gather the plates.

'Nonsense we're cooking for you tonight relax.'

'It's a waitress thing honestly I don't mind.' Haley insisted.

Karen just shook her head at her as she helped her pick up the plates.

Lucas and Keith fell into conversation as Nathan glared at Brooke. 'Games are getting old Brooke.' He mumbled as he fiddled with the napkin on his side of the table.

'I'm just trying to spark off some memories that's all.'

'Yea cause that's exactly what we need.' Nathan spewed sarcastically.

'Actually I think it is, especially on your end.'

'What's that's supposed to mean?' He whispered back heatedly.

'It means you need to fight for her.'

'Haley isn't ready for that.'

'And guess what she wasn't ready to be single when you dumped her but you did it anyway.'

'Brooke…' Lucas said making eyes at her as the girls came back into the room.

'Talk to her.' Brooke said softening her voice then as she caught the hurt look on Nathan's face. 'I'm not trying to hurt you believe it or not I'm trying to help.'

'What did we miss?' Karen said as she set the plates of roast dinner down in front of them.

'Uh we were just talking about college..' Keith said easily realising there was a good bit of tension residing amongst the youngsters at the table.

'you adjusting to Gilmore Haley?' Karen asked as they all began eating.

All Haley could feel was he uncomfortableness simmering between herself and Nathan, it was such a strong current she was sure it was felt between them all or maybe she was just paranoid.

She didn't know anymore; she was always slightly more ill at ease after a night out.

While the drink embolded her last night today it left her crumbling and much more vulnerable to those swarming feelings of self-doubt.

She didn't miss Brown. But right now she wouldn't mind escaping into the darkened corners of her room there.

'Yea it's actually quiet homey compared to Brown, I felt like a very small fish over there.' She tried to lighten.

'That's exactly what you said when you came back..' Keith said nodding at Nathan.

Nathan smiled tightly. He glanced at Haley and quickly looked away.

She sighed. Great they couldn't even look at each other now without it being awkward.

'New York is similar.' Brooke said. 'There's something nice about escaping to a big city but then it's equally as comforting being home.'

Karen smiled. 'I guess it takes seeing those things to figure out what you really want.'

XXXXX

Dinner had long finished. Brooke and Lucas had taken a walk to the beach leaving the four of them behind. Haley helped Karen tidy way and eventually when the counters were even screaming out they couldn't be scrubbed anymore she stepped out the back where Nathan was leaning against the wooden patio looking handsome as ever in his three-quarter length black shirt, his hair styled purposefully messy; way to torture a girl.

'Hi…' She said softly making her presence known as she came up to the railing beside him keeping a large enough distance between them.

He wondered if she could see the effect she was having on him, his pulse beating so wild it felt like if she looked at his arm she would see just how much his heart was racing.

'They were all looking at us…' Nathan mumbled with a sheepish smile towards her before he glanced back out towards the garden.

She smiled at that. Despite the apprehension between them it was funny how they could always find comfort in each other's company. Maybe that's what made it so easy to skip around the heavy topics in their lives, maybe that's what the last couple of weeks had been about.

No more skipping. Haley inhaled a heavy breath before she spoke. 'Last night for a while it felt like we weren' .'

He was clinging to her every word.

'And I don't mean that in a bad way just it felt like we didn't have our history and it was liberating almost.'

'Would you change that?' Nathan asked her softly.

Haley was silent.

'Cause I wouldn.t' Nathan continued. 'Not for a second. I don't think we'd even be us if things hadn't happened the way that they had.'

'Yea well I liked the version of us last night where I wasn't some messed up girl who never really got over her mother's death, whose father abandoned her or she him…I'm not even sure of that one anymore….and whose now waitressing just so I have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.'

Her words weren't harsh, or even sad - they were just vacant. They hurt him more than she'd ever know.

'Is that really how you see yourself?' He questioned softly.

She could feel his gaze on her but she wouldn't meet his eyes. She couldn.t' 'That's part of it.' Haley mumbled reluctantly.

'Last night…' Nathan began then as he exhaled a shaky breath. He was never good with words but he had to try for her. He would always try for Haley. 'You were just my Haley, just like you were when we were teenagers and things in our lives were messy, they were always messy Haley but it never mattered because somehow we tuned that out together. When I'm with you all I see is you Haley…' He said as he stepped closer to her. 'I don't see all that other stuff, it's not you.'

She felt the urge to step away from him, the spicy scent of his familiar cologne was carrying in the soft breeze around them as he approached her. She gripped the railing tight.

'All that other stuff has changed me Nathan.' She said quietly.

He nodded in understanding. 'But not permanently….you can change how all that other stuff makes you feel at any time.'

'Is that what you did?' She implored softly.

For the first time since she came out here her eyes met his, eyes so soulful seeking him, in ways her eyes were seeking the help or something he knew she'd never ask for. She was lost and she would find herself. She just didn't know how.

'Yea.' He said quietly blowing out another breath. 'It wasn't easy and I'm still dealing with the echoes of Dan but he doesn't control how I see myself anymore, not like he used to.'

His words had the whispering beauty of a tender smile crossing her features. It made his stomach flip. 'I'm so proud of you Nathan….of the person your becoming….I don't think I've ever properly said that to you but when I first saw you at the wedding I felt that change in you somehow before I could even see it, it was just an instinct and it scared me….' She admitted softly. 'It contrasted so much to the change I felt in myself.'

'That doesn't mean I've suddenly it all figured out and you haven't Haley…' He said softly. 'You know I pushed you away because I thought I wouldn't be enough for you, I thought you forgave me too quickly for the accident and that one day you'd look back on it all with regret. I didn't want that. I convinced myself and then you that you had to stay on at Brown….as you can see that didn't work out so well for me.' He mumbled the last words softly.

The irony wasn't lost on her that she was the one feeling that way now.

'But relationships aren't about measuring up with each other….it's through the good and the bad right, I showed you the worst parts of myself as a teenager Haley and you saw past it, all of it….and then I pushed you away because of it.' Nathan shook his head as if mocking himself, one hand running through his locks ruffling them up even further. 'I'm just worried your pushing me away for the same reasons and I don't want that or you Haley. I want to be there for you.'

Her eyes had clouded with tears at this stage. At his words. Their delivery and his honesty illustrated an even more profound picture of his maturity.

'You already are.' She responded softly. He caught her gorgeous brown eyes then, the glistening him then and he smiled softly before glancing back towards the garden at the withering plants of fall.

'You know when we were apart I used to actively seek out the green spaces on campus where daisies grew, I didn't even tell Lucas he'd probably use it as inspiration for his next novel or something.' Nathan tried to laugh but his words were choked with emotion. They had her heart racing. She could see the similarity between the brothers then, Lucas may be the writer but Nathan held a sense of that other worldly view, an old soul in ways.

'And sometimes I'd pick them to feel close to you, it's like I just wanted to send a message to know I was thinking of you I wondered if you could ever feel it.'

Haley smiled with teary eyes. 'I used to sit out on my balcony and just look at the sky on a clear night, the stars…our first date..' She smiled 'they also reminded me of your eyes, they always do.'

On queue he glanced at her sure enough those eyes sparkling like the night sky.

'So I'm hoping your telling me when I picked those daisies it was night-time where you were?' He teased her.

'Maybe.' she said softly. 'Maybe I did get the message.'

Her eyes met his then, she swallowed hard, the intensity of the emotions whirling inside of her - they'd had some memorable moments together but this….this was unlike any they'd ever experienced before. Looking into his eyes now it felt like she was looking into his soul, through the years there was always something she couldn't break through with him but now his ease with her, his honestly, his emotion all of it had her head spinning and her heart spiralling. This was the boy she fell in love with.

Her head the rational side of her had to win out because she'd ruled with her heart on her sleeve before and no matter how forthcoming he was, no matter what feelings were bubbling inside of her she couldn't risk it.

'And what about now what message are you getting now?' He said softly.

She took a slight step back from him. 'I think you blame yourself for what happened to us….or what I'm going through now.' Haley said with a shaky breath.

Nathan was silent.

'Nathan how I'm feeling now it's not because of us…I mean I'd be lying if I didn't think that played a part but there are things like my mum and my dad and all of that I've been running from that are just catching up with me, you gave me an escape from all that when we were in high school and maybe you would have always been my escape but then I never really would have dealt with it either.'

'What are you saying?'

'I guess I'm just beginning to understand why things have happened like they have you know and for the first-time things are starting to make sense. I'm going to focus on myself for a while but I'd like to that with you there…..as friends.' She added on softly.

Nathan nodded. It's not like he didn't expect it and he respected it. If last night was a teller of anything it showed there was such a flurry of pent up emotion and tension simmering between them, this conversation felt like the start of working through that and maybe they did in fact need to be friends and embrace the change that was upon them.

For the first time in a long time he felt like they were both in a comfortable space without all the emotional tension and baggage of the past.

'I'd like that.' Nathan said easily then.

He would do anything for her, didn't she know that?