How have you all been? This is the second update page and I'm happy to anouce that I am now 2/3 of the way thorugh with the rewrite! Just one more round of rewrittes and the story and continues as normal! So what changes happened this time around (There isn't a lot)? Though before I start I want to state that I will include the old list of changes with the new one. The reason for this is for anyone that might have missed or forgotten the perivous list, however the most current changes will be listed first.
What has changed?
A change I forgot to mention before was Ruby and Yang reveal that they were blood realated and in this batch of chapters they explained it further. The reason this isn't listed as a minor change is because it serves as a catalyst for Weiss and Blake trying to get know each other, failing, leads to The Breach and finally reconcilement.
Dr. Gris and his boyfriend Dr. Riviera are now the only ones (In Beacon) who knows for sure the truth about Jaune's condition. The others will learn eventually but only when Dr. Gris decides he trust the other not to do something stupid.
Penny now as a mission to perform a deep scan on Jaune and report the findings back to Ironwood, she will still be his friend but now there will be a little... complications and consequences added to the mix.
This is change is the most important one: Before Jaune had been told what was going on with body, NOW he has been kept in the dark.
The reason for this change is twofold, the first being that Ozpin and company don't know the exact nature of his condition. They will figure it out but are not going to tell Jaune because that kind of information will only cause him unnecessary stress and naturally this choice to keep him in the dark will have consequences.
The other other major but far less important change is that I have included a bit of an inferiority complex within Jaune because it was something that he did go through in canon and it made perfect sense for him to experience the same here. The fact is that despite Qrow showing him the ropes, Jaune still has nowhere near the literal years of training that the rest of the cast had Before they applied to Beacon. Furthermore the fact that in order to keep up he has to rely on a unknown condition that was forcibly placed upon him as his body was violated... yeah, you can see the point I'm trying make here. But fear not, this story while having some angsty moments will never become a wangstfest, characters (with one exception) will receive the support they need to get better.
Minor Changes
Just a lot of clarifications and adjustment in order to make conversations, internal monologues and scenes easier to understand and follow. This is in particular true for fight scenes which were a challenge since the goal was to make the fights clearer and a little more brutal. However more importantly, I want to make what each character is thinking and feeling as clear as possible becasue in order to make all the thier actions make sense from thier POV.
Future Goals
While I won't be spoiling anything major I will say that one of my goal for this story is to try and make the White Fang more important for the overall plot of the story. One paper they are an extremely interesting antagonist group since their goal (Adam's branch excluded) is undeniably just and their methods were born from the failure of the more peaceful methods. Sadly in canon we only really got to see Adam's faction and the High Leader Sienna existed just to keep the throne warm for him...
Don't misunderstand me, I am not going to let the White Fang hijack the plot but I am going to try to give that part of the story a much more satisfying conclusion while addressing their points.
Once again I thank you all for being just great! I pray that you all remain safe and healthy during these troubling times.