PILOT IS DONE AND SUBMITTED! NICKELODEON, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!
PROLOGUE
NO ONE BELIEVED IN THE FROG'S ASTRONAUT DREAM? OH GOD... I THINK... I THINK I'M TEARING UP.
{He didn't need others to believe in him… The frog believed in himself… and he wasn't gonna stop until he hopped all the way to the moon!}
...TO BE CONTINUED…
Miraculous Migraine
Episode 20: Silencer But Deadly
By: I Write Big
Getting a foot in the music industry door is a daunting task. You need to be the perfect trifecta of talented, charismatic, and sexy to make it anywhere. Or, you know, you could just be the son of previously established music producer Bob Roth like Mr. XY.
Nepotism.
It's worth more than you.
"You've been gone for so long, my boy," Bob Roth of Bob Roth Records cheered as the son who he'd presumed dead joined him at his table. "I thought for sure the holograms got you."
"Of course not, parental unit," Mr. XY replied, doing his best not to flicker. "I am your son and I am alive and corporeal and certainly not buried in a landfill several miles away from here. Let us proceed with the consumption of sustenance at the Grand Paris Hotel Restaurant which is our current location, as humans do."
Bob stared, unimpressed. He stuck a hand through XY's intangible body. "You're not fooling anyone, hologram."
"Beep!" The hologram got ready to run.
"But that's okay," Bob added, suddenly enthused again.
"It is?"
"I can make this work. A living son would've eventually gotten old and unsexy. Holograms are the future of music! Your finest champagne, garcon!" He shouted to the nearby waiter. Then he turned to Mr. XY with euros in his eyes. "Alright, hologram, you steal any new music to release under the XY name?"
The Mr. XY hologram frowned. "Will that give me the love of a father that I am programmed to desire?"
"Sure. Yeah. Whatever. What'cha got, moneymaker—oops, uh, I mean, son?"
Mr. XY walked to a nearby table, stole a businessman's laptop, and brought it back.
"I like where this is going," Bob nodded in approval.
Phasing his holographic fingers into the keyboard, Mr. XY started an electronic dance song. Less than ten seconds in, Bob made him stop.
"What the hell? That's the same exact song my real son released in his last album."
Mr. XY smiled. "I stole it as you requested. Do you love me now, parental unit?"
"I didn't mean to steal it from yourself! We did that last year! We need something new!"
Mr. XY flickered in disappointment. "I cannot write original music. I was not programmed to create, only to love."
"Don't worry, Ticket to Easy Street." Bob steepled his fingers maliciously. "We'll solve this the same way every other rich person who has no talents of their own does, by taking credit for the hard work of the poor. MuahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!"
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. I was not programmed to laugh."
The next week:
The bandmates of Kitty Section were outside the school, gathered around Rose's phone to watch Bob Roth's commercial.
"That's right, hopeful musicians," the producer said to the camera. "Bob Roth Records is looking for brand spanking new talent to steal from—I MEAN, uh, sign on and represent, yeah, that. Creativity and visual skills are a must. Submit your brand new style to this untraceable email today and remember to not consult a lawyer or copyright anything before forking it over. We swear this is legal."
"See?" Rose squeaked. "This is our impurity!"
"Opportunity," Juleka corrected with a sigh, then she smiled. "I'm in."
"Ivan like!" Ivan said.
"Indeed," Luka agreed. "Prevailing in this contest will surely put Kitty Section on the map, as it were. However, we will need more than just our music to stand out." The blue boy scratched his chin and glanced at another blue-haired person. "Miss Dupain-Cheng!"
The girl flinched at the voice that instantly filled her imagination with images of her and a certain guitarist cuddling in a field of flowers with nothing but the sun to keep them warm.
"GAAH!" Marinette screamed before pounding her head against a lamppost.
"Salutations!" Luka said. "If it's not too much of a bother, my sister's band could use your help in designing new costumes—" That was as far as he got before Rose, Juleka, and Ivan lifted Marinette over their heads and carried her away. "Oh dear… that was a tad rude."
Later, on the SS Liberty:
Kitty Section dropped their kidnapping victim on the deck.
"Guys, seriously, you don't want to wear my costumes," Marinette pleaded. "They're dangerous, you could get decapitated or shanghaied or have your music stolen or or or or..."
As Marinette continued to list off some very dangerous fates, Rose, Juleka, and Ivan were brainstorming.
"We should look like unicorns with cuuute kitty whiskers!" Rose cooed.
"Black lipstick. Hair that's been dyed with the blood of the unworthy," Juleka added.
"Ivan like shoulder pads!"
Back and forth these clashing ideas flew, the band members scribbling them on a whiteboard. The trapped soul who was doomed to put this travesty together whimpered in the corner, her warnings ignored.
"Miss, why do you look so troubled?" Luka asked, bringing her a drink. "The simplest augmentation will render your clothes harmless. There's no need to worry."
"B-Because I'm nervous," she replied, refusing to look into the ice-cool blue that would send her spiraling into another unwanted fantasy. "What if they lose because of my designs? What if I mess up?"
"Miss!" Luka scoffed. "Your designs were showcased in the Master's spring lineup, worn by the Young Master himself. Anything you make will be nothing short of exceptional."
The encouraging support filled Marinette with a warmth that dissolved her anxiety in seconds. She quickly buried her face between her knees to hide the color in her cheeks. "Why do you have to be so perfect?" she whined.
"What was that?"
"I said, LISTEN UP, KITTY SECTION!" Marinette shot to her feet and stomped to the rest of the band. "YA GOT YOURSELF A COSTUME DESIGNER!"
"Yippee!" Rose chirped. "This is super exciting! We have sooo many ideas—"
"SHUT IT!" Marinette roared. Her authoritative tone made the band instantly stand at attention. "IF I'M DOING YOUR COSTUMES, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP YOUR TRAPS SHUT AND DO WHAT I SAY! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"
Kitty Section nodded without a peep.
"Good." Marinette whipped out a roll of measuring tape. "Strip."
The next few days were filled with music, makeup, and measuring—LOTS of measuring. As Marinette designed Kitty Section's new costumes, she kept measuring and re-measuring Luka, often claiming she couldn't get his chest and biceps right and that they needed thorough examination, mostly without his shirt on. This re-measuring was often followed by Marinette bashing her head against a wall.
At long last, Kitty Section's costumes were done.
"OOOH!" Rose squealed in her new glittery outfit. "These costumes are sooo cute!"
"We look like Five Nights at Freddy's fucked My Little Pony while cheating on Insane Clown Posse," Juleka sighed.
"Is that… good?" Marinette asked.
Juleka sighed again. "Yes."
"Ivan like shoulder pads!" the goliath chuckled like an idiot, petting his precious shoulder pads.
Luka gave Marinette a congratulatory pat on the back. "Well done, Miss. I never had any doubts."
A visible pillar of steam billowed from Marinette's raspberry-red face as her mind flooded with images of Luka's innocent pat evolving into a not so innocent deep, deep full-body massage. She dove into the Seine River to cool off.
Two weeks later:
It had been some time since Kitty Section had submitted their music video and still there was no word on a winner being chosen. That didn't deter the band, as they kept on rehearsing every day in full costume. Things were rather pleasant, until one day when they finished another set in the SS Liberty.
"That was sooo much fun!" Rose cheered as the song came to an end.
"Yeah," Juleka agreed, showing the barest hint of a smile.
"Ivan like shoulder pads!"
"Indeed," Luka concurred. Then he turned a somewhat worried eye to the person huddled in the corner. "Miss Dupain-Cheng, you do know you can leave, yes?"
"I'm not going anywhere!" Marinette hissed as she refreshed the contest site over and over again. Her phone rumbled with another call from Sabine, worried sick about where her baby girl has been all these days, but unstable Marinette sent her mom straight to voicemail with the rest of the calls from the police and resumed refreshing. "I have to know! Did they hate my work? Did they think it was trash? Did they throw out the entry the second they saw those Astruc-awful unicorn horns!? DID THEY?!"
Luka gently pushed her phone aside. "Miss, worrying like this isn't healthy."
Marinette tried her hardest to ignore the inviting feel of his fingers on her hand. "Y-Yeah, you're right."
"Go home, get some rest. We'll call you when we hear ba—"
"Ivan see trouble!" the baby hulk cried at the nearby porthole. Everyone joined him and followed his pointing meaty arm to the jumbotron up above. On the massive screen, Mr. XY was spinning records while dressed in a hobo's version of Kitty Section's new costume design.
"Oh dear..." Luka mumbled.
Rose found the broadcast on her phone and the band heard the same exact song they had submitted to the contest.
"Amazing!" whooped French Ryan Seacrest in the video. "XY, you've done it again! You've reinvented music itself and both that brand new song about unicorns gutting kittens on their horns and that sweet original costume style will go down in music and fashion history as yours and yours alone. Anybody you want to thank?"
"No," XY flickered. "I only want my father to love me."
It got VERY quiet on the houseboat.
"I'm sure this is all a simple misunderstanding," Luka suggested brightly. He turned to Marinette. "Miss—" She wasn't there. "Miss?"
Suddenly the room violently jerked, throwing everyone off their feet. Kitty Section scurried onto the deck and saw that the mainsail had been lowered, the anchor had been raised, and the SS Liberty was barreling up the Seine. At the helm, with the wind in her hair and fire in her eyes, was Captain Marinette Middle-Name Dupain-Cheng!
"LOAD THE FUCKING CANNONS!" she ordered.
Outside the TV Station:
A pair of tough security guards stood at the only entrance to the building. They scanned the road like silent sentinels.
In the distance, there was a faint boom! This was followed by a high-pitched whistle, which slowly grew louder and closer. The guards both noticed a shadow expanding over them and they looked up.
CRASH!
The SS Liberty smashed through the doors and into the TV Station lobby. Wood and tile cracked and splintered as the giant boat slid up to the front desk.
"Um, do you have an appointment...?" asked the terrified secretary.
"Terribly sorry about this," Luka called down. "Miss Dupain-Cheng overreacted a little. There's a simple explanation for the similarities in Mr. XY's music and costumes, I'm sure. Let's all take a moment to calm do—"
"TAKE NO PRISONERS!" bellowed Captain Marinette.
"No!" Luka shouted.
"Ivan like shoulder pads!" Ivan cried as he pummeled more security guards. Rose silently brought up the rear with her pocket knife and her… smiling… while Juleka readied another cannon.
"Stop! Please!" Luka insisted.
Marinette dashed past everyone and headed for the studio.
"Miss! Wait!" Luka wailed, close behind.
Upstairs:
The red and blue in Marinette's eyes deepened to shades darker than ever before as she marched towards the one who had wronged her. Her fangs sharpened, her claws sprouted, and her wrench wound spasmed and stung at levels much like when she was falling off the Eiffel Tower, struggling to trust Chat Noir. And like that fall, she heard a whisper in the back of her head…
("What the—Oh, hi there, hothead. I didn't expect you to ever get furious enough to let me back in again. And here I thought I'd have to settle for not having a brain slave. Silly me. Time to get to CRACKING SKULLS—")
"Miss!" Luka said, grabbing Marinette's arm. At his touch, her wrench wound stopped hurting and the color vanished from the girl's eyes.
("No, dammit, no!") the whisper cried as it grew faint.
"Please, there's no need for this, Miss," Luka implored as they stuck their heads through the studio doors. Just inside was Bob Roth, watching XY continue his interview. "I'm certain Mr. Roth never intended to steal anything from us. It's not like the Universe is here to cause such a conundrum."
Marinette paused her bloodrage to stare dumbstruck at Luka. "Oh my Astruc," she muttered to herself. "I have a fetish for stupid and naive boys, don't I?"
"Let's calmly talk to Mr. Roth and clear up this whole misunders—"
"That's not how the world works, Luka!" Marinette growled at him. "Just because the Universe isn't messing with me anymore doesn't make everyone else suddenly a good person. Bob Roth and XY didn't accidentally copy us! They robbed us! THEY ROBBED (ME!)"
Marinette stormed in, grabbed a chair, and whacked the back of Bob Roth's head with it. Before she could go for the groin, Luka jumped in and held her back.
"Mr. Roth, I'm terribly sorry about this," he quickly said. "My friend Miss Dupain-Cheng is under the horrible impression that you stole my music and her costumes—"
"Aha! So you tracked us down," Bob Roth said as he recovered. "Very clever. You're a regular pair of Sherlock Holmes."
Luka blinked. "Pardon?"
"How did you figure it out? Was it the identical costume? The word for word matching lyrics? The same music you submitted to us which we literally downloaded from your email and played on live TV without any changes and pretended it wasn't weird that my cash cow suddenly sang like a teenage girl? What gave it away?"
"I don't—I, uh," Luka stuttered nervously. "I don't wish to misinterpret what we're talking about, Mr. Roth. Could you clarify—"
"Look, parental unit," XY said, joining the group with a flicker. "It is one of the members of Kitty Section. They are the band we stole from. Ha. Ha. Ha. Do you love me now, parental unit?"
"Getting there, Free Money."
For a moment, nobody said anything.
"By 'stole,' you meant inspired by, correct?" Luka asked with his last shred of hope.
"No."
Luka began to tremble. "But-but-but—"
"Luka," Marinette ripped out of the boy's hold and cracked her knuckles, "wait in the boat."
However, Luka didn't move from the spot. His normally logical mind was overwhelmed with a broiling mixture of confusion and helplessness. How could this be? Had he changed nothing? He had personally seen to it that the Universe left Miss Dupain-Cheng and the rest of humanity alone. There was no reason for such deception, such shallow theft. Why? Why? WHY?! And in these torrenting thoughts appeared a new human emotion for the doorbell. An emotion he could only describe as... fury.
Meanwhile, in a hidden tower somewhere:
A great spiral window opened, illuminating the haunting silhouette of a man dancing to Mr. XY's newest single.
"Ooh, I love the kitty's mewl when I run them through with my unicorn horrrrrrrn!" he sang along awfully. He stopped mid-doing-The-Robot. "Wow, I just realized how sexual that is. Not letting Adrien buy that one. Anyway, time to work."
He filled one of his butterflies with darkness and sent it off. Across the city, the dark messenger flew until it found Luka and shattered on his kitty-unicorn mask. A pair of fashionably neon-pink butterfly-themed sunglasses appeared on his face and he saw the visage of a silver-masked man.
"How ya doing, tall, dark, and brooding?" Hawkmoth said. "You ready to take the stage and ruin everyon—"
Luka slammed the mask on his face and he was instantly swallowed by bubbling darkness.
"Okay, wow, jeez, he's eager."
The transformation finished and in Luka's place stood a blue-skinned, purple-bodysuit-clad boy wearing a motorcycle helmet!
Hawkmoth retched. "Yuck! That has to be the worst costume design I have ever seen. As a fashion designer, it literally pains me to see this outfit." He composed himself. "Oh well, go forth, Silencer, and get me the Miraculous!"
Silencer stalked towards Bob Roth.
"I have done everything you asked, parental unit. Why won't you love me?" XY begged.
But then Silencer grabbed the hologram's face and pressed a shushing finger to his lips. The Akuma pressed a finger to his own lips and breathed out a barely audible, "Shhhhhhhut your fucking mouth..."
There must have been magic in those words because a purple globular jellyfish-thingie shot out of XY's mouth and was siphoned into the Akuma's helmet.
"What the fuck?" Marinette asked.
"What the fuck?" Bob Roth agreed.
'What the fuck,' is what XY tried to add to the conversation but no sound came from his mouth. He was completely mute!
Panic spread as everyone in the studio bolted out of there. Except for Marinette.
"No, seriously, what the fuck is this?" she asked, not scared in the least. "Was that jellyfish supposed to be XY's voice? Do people's voices look like jellyfish? Was Lovecraft right and humans are actually meat-bots that are secretly piloted by jellyfish? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
"Worry not, Miss Dupain-Cheng, I would never harm you," Silencer said, only he said it with XY's voice and, instead of his mouth, his hand flapped like a puppet to form the words.
"I reiterate my previous question, what the fuck?! This is the weirdest fucking Akuma I've ever fucking seen."
"I shall use Hawkmoth's power to force Mr. Roth to admit his thievery to the world," Silencer proclaimed. "Justice shall be done."
Marinette nodded. "Cool, I'm on board, go for it."
Silencer sped for the door Bob Roth had escaped through. "And then I shall use my dark powers to take my rightful place as the new Universe! A Universe of vengeance!"
Marinette groaned and got in his way. "Come on! Can't you do justice without the hostile takeover?"
The Akuma's battle-hardened glare softened and his hand did its best to smile kindly. "Miss Dupain-Cheng, before we met I was but a tool, doing as I was told. You changed that. You are an extraordinary girl, Miss Dupain-Cheng. As clear as a doorbell's chime and as sincere as a door knocker. You gave me purpose since the day we first met. I won't let anything happen to you."
A fire ignited deep within Marinette and spread to every corner of her body. Despite them being indoors, a romantic breeze of change and cherry blossoms blew through the studio, rustling Marinette's hair and flooding her mind with every Luka fantasy at once. Her eyes glistened from the moving proclamation of what could only be love.
"Wow, that was… beautiful," Hawkmoth said, astounded by the emotional outpour. "Maybe… maybe I could practice the talk I need to have with Adrien on this one."
Silencer left and Marinette toppled over, her blush burning a hole in the floor.
Tikki popped out. "Damn..." she said. "That Akuma is DTF." Tikki then whispered sadistically into the steaming girl's ear, "Maybe Luka feels the same way."
"You think so?" Marinette sprang back up, thirstier than a camel in a sweater at the beach on a 95 degree summer day. Then she realized what just came out of her mouth and proceeded to bang her head against a camera.
Meanwhile:
"So… girls," Hawkmoth said through Silencer's hand as the Akuma calmly hunted Bob Roth up some stairs.
"Indeed," Silencer's other hand said in XY's voice.
"I'm sure you have many questions."
"Not at all, Master, I possess an encyclopedic knowledge of the internet. While humans continue to surprise me at every turn, I can confidently say I know everything there is to know about girls."
"Oh." The Hawkmoth hand cleared his throat and rubbed his knuckles a bit. Over a full minute passed before he sheepishly asked, "Then… can I ask you a couple of questions?"
"But of course! What would you like to know, Master?"
Before Silencer's first lesson on parenting could begin, he arrived on the rooftop and found Bob Roth screaming over the edge.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! WHY DIDN'T I RUN DOWNSTAIRS?!"
"Salutations, Mr. Roth!" Silencer said. "If you would be so kind as to follow me back to the studio and admit your crimes on live television, we can call it a day and I can proceed with the conquering of the Universe."
"Never!" Bob Roth shouted. "I'm fucking rich, I'm fucking white, and I'm a fucking man! That means I never have to admit to ever doing anything wrong!"
"The internet disagrees with you," Silencer said, stretching his shushing fingers towards the man. "And so do I."
A yo-yo wrapped around his arm and yanked the Akuma back. Ladybug landed between Silencer and Bob Roth.
"Look, I'm all for exposing this stealing bastard," she said.
"Hey! Innocent until proven guilty," Bob Roth argued, "which will never happen because I'll bribe the judge."
"But you can't go and take over the world. We talked about this, remember?"
Silencer chuckled fondly. "Oh yes, I remember. Back then I was more about mind control. This time I see systematic extermination is the key. Very different approaches, Miss Dup—I mean, Ladybug." Huge obvious wink.
The Hawkmoth hand did a double-take. "Wait. Do you know her secret identity?"
"I don't not not know who she really isn't," Silencer replied suavely with another huge obvious wink.
The Hawkmoth hand tried to solve this tongue twister and failed. "Okay, just checking. Proceed."
Ladybug swung fist after fist at Silencer while the villain dodged with grace. "Systematic extermination?!" Ladybug growled. "For the love of—You can't just kill people when they piss you off! Beat them up? Yeah, sure, go nuts, but not kill!"
A swift dodge threw Ladybug off balance and she landed by Bob Roth's feet. Free to attack, Silencer reached for the producer's lips. The man instantly grabbed Ladybug and raised her as a human shield. Silencer's shushing fingers pressed against her lips instead and a red jellyfish-thingie shot out of her mouth and into the Akuma's helmet.
Ladybug mutely glared at Bob Roth.
"Oops," he said and dashed onto a window cleaner's scaffold and descended down to the street.
Tired of trying to reason things out, Ladybug threw her yo-yo into the air to summon her Lucky Charm… and the disc came back down and bonked her head. A horrid realization came over the hero. Without her voice to say the magic words, she was useless.
"Oh dear, I am terribly sorry about that, Miss," Silencer said in Ladybug's voice. "I'd give it back but I'm not sure how."
"What are you saying sorry for, Silencer!" Hawkmoth howled. "She's vulnerable! ATTACK!"
"Apologies in advance, Miss, but I must keep up appearances." Silencer threw a pathetic punch that was so obviously fake and slow that a snail could've dodged it. Ladybug only had to slightly lean back to get out of the way. Even though Silencer clearly had no intention of fighting her, a new strategy was desperately needed for the mute and powerless Ladybug, so she leaped off the roof in a tactical retreat.
"Blast!" Silencer swore, not trying to follow at all. "She has escaped! Absconded! Gotten away! Such a masterful strategy. I cannot hope to catch her."
"Damn you, Ladybug!" the Hawkmoth hand cried. "You've slipped through my fingers yet again!"
"I shall track her down, Master, after I've brought Mr. Roth to justice," Silencer replied, eyeing the distant running figure of his true target. "But first, Miss, if you can hear me, I hope you are not in a precarious position," Silencer called out in what sounded like a genuine warning. It made Ladybug, who was scaling a nearby billboard with her yo-yo, pause.
"Spots off," Silencer said in Ladybug's voice.
Ladybug's eyes shot open and in a flourish of red she de-transformed back into Marinette. With a soundless 'GAAAAH!' she tumbled to the catwalk.
"What was that? Why did you say that?" the Hawkmoth hand asked.
"No reason, Master. Now, let us return to the topic of girls. You had questions?" Silencer set off after Bob Roth.
Marinette watched him go, eye twitching. Tikki popped out and said nothing.
'You too?' Marinette mouthed.
'Yeah,' Tikki mouthed back. 'This sucks!'
BLAM!
The Pink Devil appeared by their side in a blue mini-nuclear explosion. "Good news," she said. "I've stopped the murder hornets. Bad news, we're now in a timeline where you lose your voice. So, be prepared for that."
Marinette and Tikki glared silently at her.
"Whoops," the Pink Devil smiled sheepishly. "Overshot it."
Later, a few blocks away:
Adrien was replacing all of his bedroom's wallpaper with images of Chat Noir kissing Ladybug, while Plagg added even more steps to his Master Plan book. Through the window, the Kwami spotted a frantic Bob Roth scrambling down the street, begging for help.
"Hmmmmm..." Plagg said.
A few moments later, what looked like a multi-colored boy wearing a motorcycle helmet charged across the rooftops in the same direction.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." Plagg said.
A few more moments later, the human girl Plagg recognized as Ladybug also charged down the street in the same direction, looking eager to hit someone.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." Plagg said.
"Something happening?" Adrien asked, still putting up the wallpaper.
"Not sure. Could be another parade." Then Tikki floated up through the floor. "S'up, babe."
Tikki waved wildly at him.
"What's that, babe? Timmy fell down the well? I don't know anyone named Timmy."
Tikki shook her head and resumed miming.
"You wanna bang?"
Tikki silently snarled at him and kept on miming.
"Adrien's dad is Hawkmoth?"
Tikki screamed without making a noise and grabbed Plagg's book. She furiously scrawled a message and gave it back to him.
"Oh. 'An Akuma has stolen both me and bubble bubble bubble's voices and is chasing an asshole called Bob Roth. Help.' Sure, babe, be right there."
Tikki hesitated, surprised that she had actually written 'bubble bubble bubble,' and then flew off after Marinette.
Later:
"But… how do you know if she likes you back?" the Hawkmoth hand asked. "I just know my son is going to bring that up."
"That is, as they say, the Million Euro Question," Silencer chuckled as he vaulted over chimney after chimney. "The answer is to ask, Master. Being direct and honest is the best way to handle relationships. The worst she could say is no. Well... the worst she could say is no, she never even considered you a person to begin with and you are lower than filth in her mind and if you ever come near her again, she will call the police."
The conversation grew faint as Marinette climbed the last steps of the fire escape and made it to the apartment building roof. Catching her breath, she peered into the distance where she could see Silencer getting further away.
"Princess! What are you doing here?"
She whirled around and found Chat Noir, surprised by her presence.
Marinette pointed in the direction Silencer had gone, flapped her hands like puppets, and then covered her mouth and throat.
Chat Noir gasped. "In the sky, you saw a duck strangle another duck?! Holy quack?!" He finished with a toothy grin.
Marinette made the international signal of, 'I am this close to strangling you!' She snatched his staff and typed out a message.
"Ooooh, voice-stealing Akuma, got it," Chat Noir said after reading the text. He struck a power pose. "Don't worry, my Number One Fan, Ladybug and I will beat this Akuma and return your voice. You'll be back to singing my praises before you know it."
Chat Noir readied to leap mightily into the air and to soar after Silencer. Marinette grabbed his belt-tail and ripped him back to the roof.
At least, she tried.
Marinette had forgotten about her lack of Miraculous strength and was about as heavy to Chat Noir as a trail of toilet paper. And like a trail of toilet paper, Marinette was dragged behind Chat Noir at breakneck speed. With no voice to scream, the hitchhiker went unnoticed.
Meanwhile:
Bob Roth splashed down to his knees into the murky depths of the Paris sewer system. The putrid stench of rotted escargot and moldy croissants made Bob Roth gag, but at least he was safe in his new hiding spot. He smirked at the distant open manhole up above. "Ha! I lost him. No one will ever look for me in the sewer."
"And why do you think that is, Bobbie?" asked a new voice.
Bob turned toward that voice and found millions upon millions of undead skeletons leering back at him with wicked hunger.
"You think it has anything to do with us, dad?" asked the one with a poof of blonde on its scalp.
"FUCK!" Bob scrambled up the ladder as the horde clawed at his designer shoes.
"Damn! Ladders! Our only weakness!" cursed one.
"C'mon, Bobbie!" called another. "Come play with us!"
"We all float down here!" added Pennywise the Dancing Clown. "We all float!"
Trapped between being chased aboveground and being consumed underground, Bob pulled out his cell and dialed Mayor Bourgeois. "Are you kidding me? No signal?"
"Here, use my skull-phone." One of the skeletons tossed up their own head to Bob.
"Oh, thanks." Bob pressed the skull to his ear and said, "Hi, I'd like to make a collect call to Mayor Bourgeois. Yes, I'll hold—" The skull bit his ear! "AAAAAAA!"
Calm smooth-jazz holding-music played as Bob desperately tried to pry the skull off. The jaws didn't let go until Bourgeois picked up.
"Salutations, Mr. Roth!" the Mayor's voice rang out of the skull as clear as a bell. "How may I be of service?"
"Andre, the dead have escaped from the catacombs and into the sewers! Get me out of here!"
In the Mayor's Office:
Silencer's hand smiled sinisterly at the phone and said in Andre Bourgeois' voice, "The sewers! Of course! I shall send a police escort at once." The Akuma hanged up and began dialing the police. On the other side of the room, the real Mayor lay tied up in the corner.
Audrey passed by.
"Mmmphey!" he tried to shout at her.
"I hhhhhaven't the time nor the patience today, Anchovies," she snooted as she took his wallet. "Chloe and I arrre doing this, ugh, mother-daughter shopping trip." She shivered. "All this family bonding is going to hhhmake me soft. I'll call hhhwhen we need the chopper to pick us up. Toodles."
And she left.
Meanwhile, outside:
Chat Noir landed on the roof opposite City Hall. "Okay, so he's in there—"
SMACK!
Marinette bounced off his hard-as-steel back, finally getting his attention. "Princess? Did you follow me? You can't be here, it could get dangerous—"
She snatched his staff again and typed out another message.
"Oooh, Bugaboo is on another one of her secret missions." Chat Noir nodded with sympathy. "I know what that means. I'll be sure to bring her some ice cream later. Thanks for letting me know, Princess. Now you need to get away from here before the Akuma—"
Marinette latched onto his back and strapped herself in with his belt-tail.
Chat Noir blinked at his new passenger.
"Oh, I get it!" Chat Noir laughed proudly and did his best super-pose. "You want to see your favorite superhero in action, up close and personal! Hahaha! Not a problem! Get ready, my Number One Fan, you are about to witness the battle of a generation! Here he comes now!"
Down below, Silencer had just stepped out of City Hall. Chat Noir got ready to pounce.
"Feel the wrath of my Cata—"
Marinette covered his mouth and wrenched his cat ears back, forcing him to fall out of the Akuma's sight. Silencer was too distracted with his parenting lessons to notice.
"I'm not saying I have a problem with my son dating my archenemy," Hawkmoth said, "but how do I set boundaries?"
"There it gets murky, Master. You tighten your hold too much and he'll openly rebel and date her in secret. You need to find a balance of acceptance and rules." Silencer leaped past the heroes, heading for the TV studio.
"Princess!" Chat Noir whined. His legs were no longer under his control. They moved with the twists of his cat ears in Marinette's hands. "I don't think this is going to work if you're—WHOA!"
Marinette grinned as she steered her ride after the Akuma.
Meanwhile:
Officer Roger pulled Bob Roth out of the sewer. A spine-tingling chant of, "We all float!" echoed from the depths.
"Float on this!" Bob roared and shook his middle finger at the manhole. He got a banana cream pie in the face and a pair of handcuffs on the wrists.
"Bob Roth, you are under arrest," Officer Roger said.
"WHAT?! On what charges?"
"On the charges of the man who signs my paychecks told me to arrest you without any reason or evidence." He shoved Bob into his police car.
"No, you can't do this to me! I'm white! I'm white!"
Later, at the TV Studio:
Silencer patiently waited by the elevator.
"Okay, okay, okay, but, how do I approach the topic of… " The Hawkmoth hand coughed in embarrassment. It made the universal two-handed gesture of the birds and the bees.
"Oh, I'm certain you'll be surprised by how knowledgeable the Young Master already is on the topic," Silencer replied.
Hawkmoth froze. "He's what?"
Ding!
The elevator doors opened with Officer Roger and Bob Roth inside.
"Ah, thank you, Officer Roger," Silencer said in the Mayor's voice and pulled Bob out of the elevator. "I'll take it from here."
"Glad I could help, Mister Mayor, a good day to you." Roger tipped his cap and reached for the lobby button.
"Mayor?! Are you blind?" Bob jabbed a finger at the Akuma. "That is not Andre Bourgeois!"
Roger narrowed his eyes with suspicion at the villain.
"Yes, I am," Silencer claimed in Andre's voice.
"Good enough for me!" Roger concluded and went downstairs for a well-deserved break.
"As I stated previously, Mr. Roth," Silencer said when they were alone. "If you'd kindly admit the crimes you've committed against Miss Dupain-Cheng and her friends to the camera, I won't be forced to sully your name."
"Sully my name?" Bob scoffed. "I work in the entertainment industry, kid. We have cocaine parties waitered by illegals every weekend and post it on Instagram. Nobody stops us, nobody cares. Why? Because we're celebrities! There's absolutely nothing you can do that would—"
"Salutations, local bank," Silencer said in XY's voice, "this is the son of Mr. Roth, I'd like to empty all of my family's accounts, sell all of my family's stock, dissolve the Bob Roth Records company and donate every cent to charity."
Bob Roth turned pale. "I'll do anything you say, you monster."
Later:
Bob Roth winced before the camera that broadcasted to every TV in the city.
"Salutations, people of Paris!" Silencer narrated off-screen in French Ryan Seacrest's voice. The real French Ryan Seacrest was mutely tied up in the corner with the mute XY hologram. "We are back and Mr. Roth has a very special announcement, which will be promptly followed by a new world order. Stay tuned."
CRASH!
Marinette rode in on her cat-steed! She jumped off, mid-gallop, and dragged Bob Roth out of there, leaving Chat Noir to fight Silencer on his own. Marinette led Bob through the maze of doors, further and further away from the Akuma. She chose a random dressing room and shoved him inside.
"Don't think that you saving me changes anything, little missy," Bob grumbled at her. "None of this would've happened in the first place if you and Kitten Division weren't crying so much about 'your work being stolen.' Get used to it, kid, that's how this business works and there ain't nothing you can do to change that."
Click.
Bob raised an eyebrow. "Why did you lock the door?"
Craaaaaack.
Bob cleared his throat. "Why are you, um, cracking your knuckles?"
Step-step-step.
Bob started to sweat. "Why are you approaching me like you're about to beat me to within an inch of my life?"
WHAM!
In the hall:
Silencer scoured the rooms for Bob, his frustrations growing by the second.
"Now, this is purely hypothetical…" the Hawkmoth hand said in a way that suggested it wasn't. "What if a man 'lost' his wife and he started having feelings for his secretary?"
"It's known as 'until death do us part' for a reason, Master," Silencer replied.
"Right, but what about magically induced near-death state comas that could potentially be reversed with a magical wish?"
"Oh dear… that is more of a grey area, isn't it?"
"Princess?" Chat Noir's voice echoed in the distance. "Where are you? It's not safe here."
Silencer's hand smiled. "Chat Noir, I'm over here," he called out in Ladybug's voice.
"Princess!" Chat Noir called back. "You got your voice back?"
"No, this is Ladybug."
There was no response.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yeah, I just… I never noticed how you and my Number One Fan sound so similar."
Silencer went wide-eyed. "N-No, we don't!" he said, still in Ladybug's voice but now lowered and wheezy like an old grandma. "Miss Dupain-Cheng and I sound nothing alike. Hear that? Completely different."
"Hmmm… Yeah, you're right. Must be my imagination. Meet me at the studio, I'm heading there now."
Silencer smiled.
With Chat Noir:
The cat-boy turned a corner and charged full speed for the studio. He was eager to team up with his Lady and get to kicking some Akuma ass. Then a familiar face stepped out of a dressing room, wiping something red off her fists.
"Princess!" Chat Noir scooped his Number One Fan into a tight hug. "Thank Astruc you're okay. Quick, take the elevator to the lobby. LB just arrived and I'm about to meet her at the studio to finish this."
Marinette stared back at Chat Noir, putting together in her head who Chat Noir was really about to meet. She silently sighed and latched onto his back again.
"No, wait!" he protested. "This is no place for a citizen to—"
She grabbed his cat ears and revved them into full throttle.
Later:
Silencer stood by the studio door, ready to shush Chat Noir.
"Is it a red flag if she's forever tethered to the insane metaphysical concept of Emotion made incarnate who wields dark magic?" the Hawkmoth hand asked.
"Red flag? Master, you're forever tethered to the metaphysical concept of Transmission. I'd say you have something in common. Wonderful conversation starter."
"Princess! Slow down!" he heard Chat Noir cry. Around the corner the hero Tokyo-drifted and charged like a bull on all-fours at the Akuma. Riding on his back, pressing his ears flat against his head was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
"Oh dear..." Silencer mumbled.
BAM!
The crash was so powerful that the trio tumbled through the studio doors and onto the stage, knocking over cameras and stage lights. The three laid in a painful heap for a while. Silencer was the first to recover.
"A noble effort, I must say," he said. Marinette struggled to get back up but she was too dizzy. "But in vain, Miss. This ends here."
He stretched his shushing fingers toward Chat Noir's lips and—
There was a distant boom!
This was followed by shaking in the walls that steadily grew stronger and stronger.
"Earthquake!" Chat Noir cried.
"No..." Silencer whispered. He knew what was coming.
SMASH!
Like a whale breaching the ocean's surface, the SS Liberty pierced the studio floor and came to a thunderous landing. Manning the cannons was Kitty Section!
"Burn this motherfucker to the ground!" screamed Juleka!
Rose smiled...
"Ivan like shoulder pads!" Ivan bellowed, lighting the fuse!
With seconds to act, Marinette dragged herself to her knees. She slapped Chat Noir to get his attention, pointed at the cannon aimed at XY's DJ booth, mimed a batting motion, and pointed at Silencer.
Chat Noir stared. "You want to play pirate-baseball with the Akuma?"
Marinette yelled in silence. She pulled him to his feet, pressed herself against his back and grabbed his wrists, forcing them into a body position that looked like a parent showing their kid how to swing a bat. Chat Noir, thoroughly lost, noticed that they were directly in the cannon's path.
"Uh, Princess—"
BOOM!
The iron ball shot at them!
Chat Noir screamed.
Marinette grit her teeth and swung.
The battle staff connected and, with Chat Noir's Miraculous strength, the deadly projectile bounced off the staff and hit Silencer's helmet instead. The Akuma dropped to the floor and his helmet shattered. A black butterfly and nearly half a dozen colorful jellyfish-thingies floated out of the remains. The red one flew straight into Marinette's mouth.
"Fucking finally!" she screeched. "Hey, what the fuck is that?!"
Everyone turned to the far corner that she pointed at.
"Spots on," she whispered and in a flourish of red became Ladybug. "Whew, wow, hello, everybody, I just got here and have no clue what's going on. What did I miss?"
"LB!" Chat Noir gasped with joy and went for a hug but then stopped. "Oh, secret mission, right." He suddenly lowered his voice. "Is it too bright in here for you, M'Lady? I could get you some chocolate from the lobby gift shop. Hey, where did my Number One Fan go?"
"I'm fine and Marinette had homework or chores or whatever," she quickly excused before de-evilizing the Akuma and casting Miraculous Ladybug.
Everyone's voices were returned.
The studio was put back together.
The SS Liberty and Kitty Section were returned to the Seine.
Silencer was swallowed by bubbling darkness and transformed back into Luka.
"Oh my..." he groaned. "What happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened!" Bob Roth shouted as he limped in. The man looked like he'd been jumped by an entire gang of boxers. Missing teeth, broken ribs, black eyes galore. "You went all evil and your girlfriend went all Muhammad Ali on me!"
"Really?" Ladybug asked, feigning concern and not so subtly pointing the nearest recording camera at Bob. "Why on Earth would she do that?"
"Nice try," Bob scoffed. "Did you really think I would fall for that old trick? Ha!"
Then Mr. XY stepped in front of the camera. "My parental unit stole Kitty Section's music," he said.
Instantly, dozens of police officers, SWAT teams, and half of the French army flooded the studio. Officer Roger slapped another pair of handcuffs on Bob. "Bob Roth, you are under arrest for musical theft, the highest crime on the planet. You're going away for life, bub."
"No!" Bob wailed as he was dragged away. "No, Money Machine, why?"
"Because, parental unit," the hologram flickered with disappointment, "you were never going to love me."
"Noooooo—"
The doors slammed, cutting Bob's cry short.
"Merde," Ladybug said.
"That kinda got dark," Chat Noir added.
"Blue one," XY said to Luka. "As the new head of Bob Roth Records, I wish to offer Kitty Section representation and an album deal."
"You would?" Luka asked, astounded.
"Yes. I can only hope that burying myself in my work will fill the void left by the absence of my parental unit's love."
"It won't," Chat Noir said.
Later:
The stage was set and the cameras were ready. It was time for Kitty Section's first live TV performance. The band headed for their places, but Marinette stopped Luka.
"Wait," she said shyly. "Luka, what you said when you were akumatized…" Marinette glanced away, his love-filled words still burning fiercely in her heart. "Did you mean it or was that...?"
Luka frowned. "I'm terribly sorry, Miss, I have no recollection of when I was under Hawkmoth's control. I didn't say something awful, did I?"
Marinette nervously tittered. "You, uh, you—"
He took her hand and spoke earnestly. "Because, Miss Dupain-Cheng, before we met I was but a tool, doing as I was told. You changed that. You are an extraordinary girl, Miss Dupain-Cheng. As clear as a doorbell's chime and as sincere as a door knocker. You gave me purpose since the day we first met."
Her heart stopped.
Word for word.
Her knees buckled.
Word for word.
Her fingers fumbled.
"Word for word," she whispered.
"What was that?" he asked.
And then Marinette grabbed Luka and kissed him hard on the lips!
A symphony of music filled her world. Instruments not of man but of the heart and soul played in perfect harmony, vibrating through her body. Every inch of her trembled with the song, never wanting it to end.
Then she realized what she was doing.
"GAAAAH!" She jumped back and ran off, screaming at the top of her lungs, "Adrien! Adrien! I love only Adrien! I hate puberty!"
Luka watched her go, looking the picture of perplexed. "Oh my… I suppose I don't know everything about girls."
END
Nobody does.