AN: So after a period of writers block despite having the story planned to the end, at chapter 23 this story has taken on a life of it's own once again. Now I have no idea where it's going but I'm following my instinct. Thanks again for all your lovely reviews!

Chapter Twenty-One

The snow blanketed the grounds of Christian's Aspen mansion and Ana sat in the Queen Anne by the window, angled slightly so she could look out at the grounds while still feel the heat from the open fire on her face. After their scene yesterday, Christian had been so loving and he'd spoken to her about his reasons for letting her give him oral in the way he had. Ana had been touched by his thoughtfulness while equally she tried not be disturbed by his consideration of her past. She understood it made him uncomfortable, but she couldn't change it, she had learned to give blowjobs and had given hundreds of them to survive, to be able to put food in her belly and sometimes a roof over her head. Though he had tried to reassure her it didn't bother him and his thoughts had only been about how it may have affected her, she felt like he was bothered by it.

She tried to ignore it though. It wasn't her problem and if it was an issue for him, he had a shrink that he could talk to. Just like she did. Ana just happened to be waiting patiently for Mary to call her for a brief session and while they couldn't do their usual therapy remotely, Mary had insisted they have a catchup and chat about any issues that may have arisen for her while she was away. Plus, Ana knew it was to make sure she was sticking to the programme, which she had been religiously with Christian and Mrs Bentley's help.

Ana was starting to wonder about what was going on back in Seattle now. A part of her longed to check the news, see what was going on, but she feared it disrupting the calm serenity she had found here in Aspen. A part of her never wanted to leave this place, to become a hermit in their little castle on the side of the hill, despite the fact she knew that wasn't an option. As she fantasised about a life where it was just her and Christian here with no worries or care, her phone rung and she knew she was now having to focus on her real life instead of her imaginary one.

"Hi Mary." Ana answered, already knowing who was on the other side of the phone.

Hello Ana, it's nice to hear your voice.

"Yours too, how are you?" Ana asked deciding chit-chat was a good way to start this conversation before they got into anything heavy.

I'm really well thank you. How are you doing?

"I'm ok." Ana replied, this was not a lie. Here in Aspen, locked away in this bubble, she was absolutely fine and she didn't need to focus on her horrible past.

Good I'm glad to hear that, you sound well. Mary said making nice, she knew Ana wasn't going to let her in easy, it was obvious that this spontaneous get-away was so that Ana and Christian could escape Elena and the media attention surrounding her and while in the short term it was a good idea, Mary was worried about the long term effect of this little holiday.

"Did you hear Elena had been beaten up?" Ana asked, deciding to jump in the deep end with something that had been on her mind.

I saw the news. Mary admitted. How are you coping with it all Ana?

"I wish they'd have killed her." Ana replied nonchalantly which made Mary smile though she hid the chuckle that threatened to bubble. "I know I shouldn't say things like that…"

You can say things like that if you want. Mary replied, she understood that Ana's words came from her pain and anger and she was entitled to say them under the circumstances.

"I hate this Mary." Ana said quietly. "I hate this uncertainty."

I know it's extremely difficult for you Ana. How are you handling that while you're there? You're still not cutting right?

"I'm not cutting." Ana replied. "Doesn't mean I haven't wanted to, but I'm refraining."

Good. That's really good Ana, how are you managing those feelings?

Ana swallowed; she hadn't really thought about this conversation with Mary. They'd had the conversation about finding a new outlet for her lack of control, they'd spoken about mindfulness and exercise but Ana didn't know how she was supposed to tell her shrink that her outlet consisted of being tied up and fucked by her boyfriend. Somehow, she couldn't imagine that going down well with Mary who was helping her come to terms with being used as a sex slave when she was a child.

"I'm managing." Ana eventually said when she realised the silence was getting too long. "That mindfulness book was good." She added as an afterthought, thankfully she had taken the time to read the book so she wasn't lying, it was however a distraction from any further awkward questions.

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it. Have you taken any of it on board?

Damn, Ana had thought she'd have been able to get Mary to drop this subject but she had clearly been mistaken.

"Yeah." Ana replied unable to expand further on that because her mind as now racing to try and make excused. "It was good." She added. "So I was thinking… you know… when we come home… I don't know how I'm going to handle knowing she's out there."

I understand Ana, that was why I am worried that the longer you stay out there the harder facing it is all going to be. Mary said, buying into Ana's subject change. How long are you planning on being there?

"I don't know, I haven't actually spoken to Christian about that yet, we just thought a few days away, a break while we adjusted to everything would be good and while it has been amazing here, I'm worried that it was a mistake coming."

Why do you think it was a mistake? Mary asked, intrigued as to what Ana had been thinking about in relation to this.

"Well, here we're in our bubble Mary and it's an incredible bubble where it's just us, safe and sound and loved. But all we've done is hidden from the truth and the reality of the situation. I regret not facing it first. I mean, we were in the air before they'd even sorted Elena's release papers!"

Mary was amazed to hear Ana had considered this. It had been worrying for her as psychiatrist because she knew Ana ran when she was afraid. Going to Aspen had just been another way of running for Ana and Mary worried about the consequences moving forward.

"You know when we spoke about the anxiety of going home after leaving the hospital?" Ana continued when Mary said nothing to her. "I feel like it's worse than that. Going home was hard, coming to terms with the fact I'd hurt people with my actions and my behaviour. This is different in the sense I know our coming out here hasn't hurt anyone. But I am worried Mary about how much I'm hurting myself, I mean, I will hurt when we come home…" Ana trailed off, she didn't feel she was explaining any of this appropriately but she didn't know how else to say it. She knew going home would make her anxious, it would once again lift those feelings of being out of control and she didn't want to put herself in that position if she could help it.

The fact you recognise those feelings already is great Ana, it will allow you to feel just a little bit more in control that you expect it to happen. What I think you need to do though is prepare for coming home, just like we did when you left the hospital. Have a plan about what you want to do, who you want to be around, where you want to go, that way you will know you're in control of the situation.

Ana nodded, despite the fact Mary couldn't see her. Knowing how she was going to feel did make her feel a little more in control and Mary was right, she could put plans in place ready for going home that would possibly help stop her feeling to crazy out of control too. Of course, she could always just tell Christian that she felt out of control and let him do what he needed to do. She smiled and bit her lip at the thought, she could ask Christian to take her to the playroom when they arrived back… but then she knew she was also still in a way running away from her problems, anticipating the anxiety and demanding to forget in her submission was another way of running and she was tired of running.

What are you thinking about? Mary prompted as the silence had dragged on far too long which gave away, even through a phone, that Ana's mind was going crazy.

"I'm tired of running." Ana replied and Mary smiled sadly, she could understand that, Ana only knew running from her fears as a coping mechanism.

You don't have to run anymore, unless it's running to me or to Christian or Grace, we're here for you. Mary reassured, there were healthy ways of running, running for help, running to support, Ana could manage running if she ran to safety rather than away from her problems.

"I think it's time we came home." Ana sighed, she didn't want to but she needed to stop running.

Don't rush into it, Ana if you want to stay a few more days…

"No." Ana shook her head. "No more running. I need to be in Seattle, I need to face this, all of it. I'm going to watch her be broken down and while I get my life together her trial will hang over her head. I'm coming home Mary."

Mary smiled, Ana sounded so much stronger than she'd ever heard her and that made her especially proud. This was Ana taking control in a positive way and it was amazing, it showed just how far she was coming along.

They ended the call with a deal that Ana would be there, in Seattle, for her appointment on Monday. Ana then knew she needed to go and speak to Christian to see how quickly they could get home. She feared changing her mind, her anxiety getting the better of her, but she knew also that this was important. It was time to go home.

She found him sitting in his office, a small cream room with dark wood furniture including a desk that Christian was sitting behind looking pensive. Ana stood in the door, feeling as though she would have been trespassing if she entered without his permission. It took a minute for him to realise she was there, his mind was miles away when he suddenly became aware of a presence in the doorway.

"Hey." He smiled beckoning her over and Ana immediately went to him, letting him pull her onto his lap where she curled up into his chest. "Did you speak with Mary?"

"I did." Ana nodded, breathing in his scent, this was where she felt most at home, in Christian's arms.

"And?"

"And. I think we should go home." Ana said which massively surprised Christian, he hadn't expected that out of her mouth. The truth was he'd been thinking about when they'd be going home and how difficult that would be for Ana yet here she was telling him she thought they should go.

"Why?" He asked, his intrigue getting the best of him.

"Well…" Ana gulped, she didn't want to hurt Christian's feelings but she needed to be honest. "Coming here was another form of running." She said and Christian held her tighter, he was worried he'd done wrong in bringing her here now. "I mean, it was a good idea to get away, but I think the longer we stay away the harder it is for us to face our reality, just look at how hard I took the news about Elena being beaten. I think that was just because here I get to forget everything going on back at home and I don't think that's healthy." Christian couldn't help but smile, Ana's raw honesty touched his heart. They'd come so far and he could understand exactly what she was saying because the news about Elena had shaken him too, and just like Ana it was because here in Aspen they could forget everything going on at home.

"Ok, should we fly home tomorrow?" He asked and Ana pulled away from his chest so she could look at him.

"Are you ok with that?" She asked knowing this wasn't just about her, Christian had been hurt by Elena too and this affected him just as much.

"I'm ok with that." He reassured.

They sat in the office, Ana remaining on Christian's lap, for a while. They relished in the feel of each other in the moment. Their relationship hadn't been easy, but they both knew it was worth it because they loved each other.

When Christian's computer bleeped and signalled an email, he shifted uncomfortably and opened the application to see what it was, working around Ana who seemed to be too comfortable to move. When he saw what the email was he decided not to open it, but when Ana felt his heart race increase against her cheek she lifted up to look what was affecting him.

"Pictures of Elena?" She asked seeing the subject heading.

"I asked Taylor to find out what damage had been done." He explained. "Don't worry, I won't open them."

"No I'd like to see." Ana said immediately sitting upright.

"Are you sure?" Christian asked.

"Yes." Ana replied. "Let me see."

Christian opened the email, there were multiple pictures attached to the email, but first Christian and Ana read the list of her injuries.

Four broken ribs
Fractured cheekbone
Broken nose
Broken jaw

"Looks like they really went for her face." Ana mumbled as Christian finally went to open the pictures.

Holy cow. Elena did not look like Elena. Her face was a mess, purple and swollen while clearly being sunken in also.

"That had to hurt." Ana added and she couldn't keep the smirk from her voice. Her face had never been touched by Elena and Eric, other than the odd open hand slap, but looking at Elena's face now she couldn't help feel that each injury was a small amount of reparation for the years of abuse she'd suffered.

The next photo showed her arms and ribs, the next showed her abdomen and the final one showed her legs. She was covered from head to toe in bruises and Ana wondered if she'd been beaten with something more than a fist. Regardless, it wasn't justice, because she hadn't had the pleasure of delivering the blows herself.

"She's going to need a lot of surgery on that face." Christian murmured which made Ana laugh as she turned back into his chest, done looking at the photos. Christian minimised the app before clutching at Ana again, needing the comfort she brought him. "I'll need to make arrangements if we're going home tomorrow." He said and Ana nodded but made no move to climb from his lap, she felt safe here and she needed that feeling to last a little longer. "What would you like to do tonight?"

"Dinner by the fire." Ana said and Christian chuckled, it sounded very romantic and he knew Ana would make it even more so. "Then sex by the fire." She added which made him full belly laugh before he buried his nose in her hair. "Then a hot bath."

"You've got it all planned out." He mused and she nodded, it was a bit of a fantasy, she couldn't help it. "Why don't you go and arrange dinner with Mrs Bentley and I will arrange our travel plans home?"

"Ok." Ana agreed, liking the way he was thinking, the sooner they had everything in place, the sooner they could enjoy their last night in Aspen.