19: Favorite
And so you get your way.
Lena is nervous and jittery the first few times you drop in though she's careful not to let anyone else see. She lets you into her labs, introduces you to her different teams and lets them show you what they're working on. She encourages you to make the rounds, to discover for yourself the projects she's fighting to preserve, the tech she's desperate to develop to counteract the damage her brother is once again causing. She grips tightly onto you when you are alone, her body coiled and tensed, ready to fight and defend against any possible attacks.
But it doesn't happen. None of it happens.
Lex stays out of her way, and she stays out of his. And because you know it's important to Lena, you stay out of his way too.
She finally agrees to join you at the tower, frowning and muttering about the derth of human tech available and how ancient everything is the moment she steps foot inside.
"It'll take a decade to hack into the pentagon with this." She had grumbled giving one of the monitors a light smack. "J'onn, where did you even find this?" She'd seemed close to tearing out her hair, her eyes hilariously wild.
"We can't hack into the pentagon, Lena." Alex had shot at her.
"You mean you can't." She'd replied as she'd promptly walked out.
She'd had you and J'onn fly to various cities, to bring her back an array of what she claims to be the best and exactly what she needs to build a computer good enough not only to rival the DEO's but beat it to a bloody pulp. She's cautious, building mostly from scratch, having you pay cash and purchasing from all over. It's a major hassle and more than a little paranoid but you do it anyway, willing to compromise and give her the privacy, peace and distance she needs. You're not one to judge, after all, the thought of Lena getting hurt still drives you mad on the best of days. Truly, the best, the worst, everything in between, any and all the time. Lena hurt... It's positively maddening.
Lena is mostly vigilant, past the verge of paranoia and often you let her.
You let her use her jammers- and boy did you get a lecture on that: It's not a simple jammer, Kara! Find me a jammer that's also a psychic dampener good enough to keep out Green Martians and strong enough to dampen a Kryptonian's super senses and I'll sign over all my company shares this very instant!
Sometimes it's blatantly amusing. And sometimes... Sometimes it's heartbreaking.
She refuses to visit and see Sam and Ruby, unwilling to give her brother any indication that Sam Arias is anything more than a regular company employee. You know she misses them, and she's feeling terrible about not being around like she promised she would be. You know it's getting to her, the worries and fears, even more so these days than in the past because Ruby has been calling more often recently, even more than Sam who has actual business concerns and tactics she needs input on, asking her Aunt Lena to visit for school recitals, shopping trips, a science fair, a production. And you know it hurts Lena to have to say no, it hurts her to decline and promise to make it up to the child at a still unknown future date.
It's what you hate most about this reality, this earth. On the one hand, no one here hates Lena, no one blames her for her family's past misdeeds because no one really remembers them. It disgusts you, utterly disgusts you how Lex's supposed philanthropic efforts are lauded and awarded, when it's Lena who deserves it for all she's actually done over the years. You hate that Lex gets credit when none is due him, you hate that Lena and her efforts are pushed to the sidelines, you hate that he's taken over the DEO, you hate that his face is plastered everywhere you turn. You hate all of it.
But nothing gets to you like Lena hurting and so it comes back to her. It always comes back to her.
Lena's worries, anxieties and fears are what you hate most about this reality. The worry and fear that Lex inspires in his sister. The heartbreak he causes because his very existence means all the people she cares about can potentially come to harm.
It's why you know things with Maggie are serious. Lena wouldn't reach out and in her mind, potentially put her in danger just by mere proximity and presence.
You know better. Or least you think you do.
Lena is mush. Absolute and utter mush and Lex doesn't need to target anyone she personally knows and cares about. Threat of attack at a hospital, school or park and Lena would rain hell. Lex doesn't know that yet, you think. Lex thinks Lena will fold as she had in the past, anything to save the world. But Lena has changed. It isn't that she's become less self-sacrificial, because truly, she is absolute and utter mush, but she's so very intelligent... Smart, brilliant and bright, and she knows she's what is necessary to stop and bring him to justice. So no, he's wrong. She will no longer fold. She'll claw and fight, she'll meet him head on, rain hell and win. Rao. She'll win, you know it.
So she works hard. She works so hard. Harder you think than she even had in the past. She's got so many projects she's officially supervising, projects she's secretly working on, meetings, reports, sales and expenses she's not so secretly monitoring. She checks up on Nia and Maggie, checks in with Alex and J'onn, touches base with Kelly and Brainy, and you... She loves you and takes care of you and lets you take care of her.
There's such a freedom in being able to drop in on Lena at any and all hours of the day again. It's like before when she'd given you unfiltered access to her office, the only one to have ever been given it, even before you'd become her best friend. You had tried not to dwell on that in the past, the implications of such a freedom, but after everything that has happened, you can't not. And those three days without her, a mere three days, without her eyes, her smile, her voice, her laugh, her touch, her mere presence, and your heart and soul had ached.
You knew she was safe, in fact, she's always so cautious that she'd warned you that Lex was perhaps up to something, keeping her busy and distracted while he was carrying out things outside of the company, and she'd warned you to be on your guard, to be ready to fight and defend.
You'd listened, of course, you all did. Brainy was absent, not a good sign, but nothing had happened. The world was still and silent. Yet you know Lena wasn't wrong. Lex was definitely up to something, but whatever it was was kept tightly under wraps and was non-explosive.
And you're thankful for that, for every day the world is safe, every day it is quiet and no lives are lost to mania, cruelty and evil.
But it had been three days and your heart and soul had yearned for her. Breakfasts and dinners and sleep are not enough, and in those three days, you hadn't even had that as she'd hunkered down at Luthor Corp to stave off another of Lex's juvenile schemes. You'd been yearning to be with her during the work day, to drop in at random hours just to see her smile, make her laugh, hold her hand as you listen to her heart beat.
And now you can again and your heart and soul soar with sweet liberty.
Sometimes you worry that you're stifling her. Not only is possessiveness a highly unattractive quality but Lena is first and foremost no way a thing and certainly not one to be possessed. But Lena seems to understand. She seems to understand even better than you do, your deep fear of losing her, the hollow ache in your heart, your gut, your bones, that only her light can seem to fill. Sometimes she pulls you into her just as a panic starts to overtake you, before even you realize what's happening- she pulls you, envelopes you in her arm, and the panic, the anxiety and fear, the rage, helplessness and hopelessness, everything recedes, quelled by her light and love.
Her love is everything you had been afraid of and so much more. So so much more. It's deep and soft and burning, it's steady, unassailable and firm. And each day you think it's impossible to love her any more than you do in that moment, and still you continue falling. You fall and she catches you, each and every time, she catches you. Years ago you had pushed it down and away, terrified of its intensity. You hadn't thought you could handle it, a mere look from Lena in the past already had the power to unravel you on certain days, and you'd run and hidden. But Lena catches you now, she sees you and knows you and loves you, and she catches you, arms strong, heart brave, eyes bright and soft, her very soul cradling yours with her own and keeping you safe.
So you make the most of it, the freedom she's granted you, letting her get used to you dropping in at what once was her company, until the rigidity of her spine isn't due to stress and worry but once again of confidence, daring and fearlessness. It's a new normal you're all treading on, and it's a complicated balancing act of freedom and caution, and you'll show her you can make it work.
You hear Lena's soft laughter before you even walk through the door of her office and for a moment you stand there, hand against the door, still, letting the sound of her wash over you. It fills you with comfort and warmth and you let out a sigh of satisfaction before stepping in.
"Come on, Lena, please." Nia wheedles from her perch on the rug before throwing her body backwards and lying down, her notebook and pen flying a few feet off beside her.
"No," Lena says simply, dragging a hand through her hair as she squints at the computer on her lap.
Your heart skips a beat at the sight of her. She's in a pair of dark skinny jeans and a gray sweater, sitting barefoot and cross-legged on the couch, hair effortlessly elegantly touseled. It's a Lena never before seen at Luthor Corp, a Lena reserved for you, your friends and family, a Lena of lazy weekends, game nights, and midnight snack runs. It's your favorite Lena, not that they aren't all your favorite, but this one makes your heart ache and ache and ache. It's a comfortable Lena, a happy and loved and at peace Lena. A Lena who sees, acknowledges, understands, accepts and takes strength in her worth. It's a safe Lena, content, secure, and wholly confident. And you love her. You love her with every fiber of your being.
"But Leeena!" Nia huffs exasperatedly, flapping her arms at her sides as though she's making snow angels on the rug. "It's so empowering and insanely more impressive if they know how old you are."
"No."
"Fine, just your birthday then! You don't have to give me the year!"
"No."
"But whyyyy?" She sits back up, legs under her and she looks at you imploringly. "Kara, make Lena tell me her birthday."
"No." Lena answers for you, her eyes daring you to disagree. Your heart races, it's so so full and happy.
"Why do you need Lena's birthday?"
"She's going to throw me a surprise party." Lena answers.
Nia sighs exaggeratedly before responding herself. "Andrea gave me the green light for the LGBTQ+ in power article. It lacks context if I don't tell the readers how young she was when she accomplished all of it."
"And she's going to throw a surprise party come May."
Nia bounces from her spot on the floor, clapping excitedly. "May!" She echoes.
Lena shoots her a droll look before raising an eyebrow at you as if to say 'See what I mean?' and you bite back a laugh.
"Lena wasn't born in May." You inform Nia and roll your eyes at Lena even as you make your way to sit beside her on the couch.
"Don't use your journalist credentials to try and wheedle personal information." You tell Nia. "And you," you tell Lena with a quick kiss to her lips, "don't torture the little one."
"I'm not little!" Nia glowers for a moment before getting up from the floor and throwing herself onto the both of you, arms and legs outstretched.
Lena lets out an "oof" before she's laughing again.
"Definitely not light." You mutter and Lena laughs even harder.
"Please, Lena?" Nia says again. "It'll only be an itty bitty little party... Or we can all go out of town, camp out on the beach!"
"Why does it have to be my birthday?" Lena's tone now has a tinge of a whine and you almost laugh.
"You're the only one who's not gonna murder me if I throw one." And you shrug at Lena in response, not quite accurate but it's a conceivable point. Alex and J'onn would definitely not be thrilled to be dragged out to a surprise beach party on their birthdays. But though Kelly doesn't seem the type, you know for a fact she's too nice to give Nia hell for it.
"Throw one for Kelly." Lena responds. "Or Kara." She adds cheekily, smiling charmingly at you.
"But you're my favorite." Nia admits with a whine.
"Hey!" You slap her arm lightly and she doesn't even have the decency to look chagrined, merely shrugging in response.
Lena "aww's" and pats her cheek affectionately. "How about we forget about surprise parties and drive out for a day this weekend?"
"Lena, it's the middle of November," you remind her.
But Nia is looking at Lena like she herself invented the concept of weekends and driving out of town for the day, eyes wide and excited. You roll your eyes when Lena pouts at you and your heart skips again.
"Let's see if we can come out to Midvale for Thanksgiving instead of Eliza coming here." You say.
Nia cheers and Lena looks at her fondly before turning to you and pulling you in for a kiss.
Nia groans and covers her eyes, still lying down on you and Lena. You consider shoving her off of you so you can pull Lena in closer but then Lena is smiling again, rubbing her nose against yours in an eskimo kiss before she herself is shoving Nia off the two of you and onto the floor.
"From what I remember I sold CatCo months ago to Andrea Rojas." She says pulling herself to her feet, and walking towards her desk and leaning against it as she runs a hand through her hair and raises an eyebrow at you and Nia. "What are its two best journalists doing here in the middle of a workday?"
"It's 3 pm on a Friday, Lena." Nia says picking herself up of the floor and plopping down beside you on the couch and laying her head on your shoulder. "Let's take the rest of the day off! Early dinner, impromptu karaoke night!"
"Honey, I've got a ton of work to do before I can call it a night and I've already got dinner plans." Lena says apologetically.
"Is it a work dinner?"
"No... Just with an old friend."
"Maggie?" You ask gently.
She's quiet for a moment before she gives you a small smile in response.
"Think we can tag along?" You ask.
"I..." She's quiet, lost in thought for a moment.
"You can ask her first." You add softly.
"Are you sure, Kar?" Her eyes are filled with concern and you give her a reassuring nod and smile.
Nia is quiet, letting you and Lena have your conversation, your space, your secret. You break Lena's gaze only when Lena gives you a firm nod and reaches for her phone to give Maggie a call.
You take the time to turn to Nia and very very briefly tell her who Maggie is. Her eyes widen in surprise, which turn into worry before shifting to curious and excited. By the time Lena is done with the call and is informing you Maggie would love to have you join them, Nia is bouncing beside you at hearing it's going to be Mexican cocktail night.
Lena still looks a bit worried and you reach out for her without getting up from your place on the couch. She promptly walks over and sits on your lap, pressing a kiss to your lips quickly as she lays her cheek against your head before rubbing her thumb against Nia's temple, who has once again dropped her head back onto your shoulder.
"You guys are my favorite," Nia whispers, soft, fond and satisfied.
And you think, yeah, this is your favorite reality too. Any reality with moments like these, has to be your favorite.
Steelwing, I just get crazy excited and wanna share all of it with you guys immediately =) Like high from a happy scene, anxious over a mini-breakdown, or Lex or whatever, and I wanna immediately put it up and ask you guys what you thought or how you felt about it, see if you guys feel or think as I do. It's so especially hard to hold back when I start chatting with you guys.
Would you by any chance be interested in going over a chapter I wrote? It's not supposed to be the one after this, it's still a few chapters out if plans work out, but I'm not sure about it yet. I've asked one other reader to look it over but it might be best to get a few takes on it so I don't end up messing up the whole story with one chapter. I'm incredibly nervous about it.