an: remember when i said happier times were coming? well they're on their way now!
song for this chapter: mat kearney – let it rain
1914
just because it's pouring down,
doesn't mean we're gonna drown
Roy was gently rocking her in place as they sat, his touch and comfort soothing her instantly. It helped her think more clearly in the emotionally charged room. He'd hugged her against his chest and Riza cuddled into his torso completely. Her feet were up on the couch, and she was lying against him. Her tea was long forgotten, but at least she'd stopped feeling so shaky. Morning sickness was a bitch.
She'd finally given into him, her need for his comfort. She was tired of fighting and hiding from her husband. They'd finally met on a middle ground after Maes' death. It might be no man's land, it might finally be peace, that was yet to be seen. Today's conversation would decide their fate.
"Even though it terrifies me," Riza began, breaking the silence that had blanketed over them. "I think… If I share it all now, we can finally air everything out. It was an extremely difficult time for us both and I think we need to discuss it, rather than shoulder it alone like I've been doing." Riza shifted, moving herself closer to him. "I've done that since our first argument. I told myself just to get through Maes' funeral in one piece, then I could deal with it all, but I'm exhausted."
She was so tired. She'd spent her whole life hiding how she really felt and putting others before herself but now, pregnant and exhausted from her morning sickness, she was tired of it all.
"These past few days… I felt like I'd lost you." Riza gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly in her fist. "I was…" Riza sighed. "I was upset about Maes. I know how much he meant to you and how close you both were, so I can't imagine how you must feel about it all, but I was hurting too." She heard his breathing hitch. "I couldn't stop thinking about Gracia and Elicia being left alone. I got Mia to school then went right over to see her…" Riza swallowed back the tears, remembering Gracia sobbing uncontrollably as Riza held her, letting her ride it out. "It was horrible. I was there for hours."
Roy was silent as she let it all out and Riza was grateful. His hands had stopped rubbing up and down her arms in comfort. They remained still as her explanation washed over him.
"And..." Riza sniffed and willed the tears not to fall. "I had to tell Mia what had happened." Riza swallowed past the lump in her throat. "She couldn't understand it. She didn't know what I meant by she'd never be able to see her Uncle Maes again," Riza's voice shook. "She asked if you were really sad the night you came home," she sniffed, "and then asked if we'd be sad if she died."
The silence was deafening in the room. Riza squeezed her eyes shut at the thought of losing Mia. She'd never wanted to bring that up again. She couldn't lose her baby girl. Riza would die inside if she did. It would kill her to lose any part of her family.
Roy stood abruptly. Riza was so startled she fell sideways on the couch, needing to push herself up to a seated position to see where he'd gone. Her husband was pacing in the middle of the room, frantically. One hand was gripping his hair tightly, the other on his hip.
"I don't want that." His whisper was quiet, but she heard the sob in his voice. "I can't lose her," he pleaded, face crumpling. "I can't – My baby girl."
Riza hushed him, pulling him into a tight hug. Hands wrapped around her tightly. Roy pressed his face into her shoulder, his head dipped low as she felt his torso shake with his sobs. His knees shook beneath him and Riza had to hold his weight for a brief second. Riza knew exactly how he felt because she'd lost it like this when Mia had asked her the question. But it just showed she was too young to comprehend the concept of dying. She was too young to lose anyone. Too young.
"She's not going anywhere," Riza reassured him fiercely through her own tears. "She's safe and happy with your mother right now."
"And I left you to deal with all of that. I didn't even think."
Riza hushed him again. "You had a lot to deal with –"
"It's no excuse," he replied. His tone was firm, rising in volume. The grip on her tightened. "I can't believe she said that to you."
"It's because she's only young. She didn't understand."
Silence enveloped them as they both cried. It was cathartic to do this together, Riza thought. It was finally all coming out and she felt better about it. A weight was being lifted from her shoulders.
"I won't say I wasn't angry at the whole situation," Riza whispered. "Because I was. You were grieving, I get that, but you didn't need to say those things. That's when I thought we were done," she admitted. "After everything happened, I thought you'd finally realised how much I burden you every day."
His head jerked up from her shoulder, his eyes staring into hers with disbelief in them. It was a comfort, at least. "Never," he replied vehemently, pressing his forehead against hers, as if it would somehow make her understand better. "That's on me. You keep me sane. You keep me grounded. You keep me going." His voice cracked on the last word. "You always have." He drew himself up to his full height, meeting her eyes. His hands never strayed from around her body though. "There is a plot in the military that we think goes right to the top."
Riza's stomach twisted painfully and dread threatened to creep up her spine. She swallowed thickly, letting the weight of his revelation settle over her.
"I don't have names yet, but I think that was what Hughes figured out. Or, it was just how deep this whole thing ran. Someone is controlling the military. That's what I'm trying to find out."
Riza's stomach continued to churn. "The reason I asked you not to go after the culprit and get your revenge wasn't me asking you to drop it," she whispered. "I was terrified of losing you. Whoever is pulling the strings didn't hesitate to kill Maes as soon as they found out he'd discovered them. I don't want you to die too." Riza gripped his t-shirt tighter again, shifting her face so that it was pressed into his shoulder.
"I know," Roy murmured. "I know that now. I was unfair to you, and if anyone else had been there, I would have lashed out at them too. It wasn't directed at you for any reason." Riza felt him hang his head. "I'm sorry. When I found out you were in the hospital that's when it hit me just how awful I'd been to you. At Hughes' funeral…" He took a shaky breath, almost stuttering over the last word. "I saw how good you were with Elicia and Mia, cheering them up after such a sad day. You were wonderful with them. You told Elicia about your own parents. I overheard you talking about it and I didn't think you would share that with anyone, but you did it to show her, and to teach her, that it's okay to be sad when people leave us like that. All the way home in the car she'd raved about how 'Auntie Riza had said this, and Auntie Riza had said that'. You were exactly what she needed." Roy gave her a quick squeeze. "Gracia and I knew you'd helped her understand. When I came home last night, that's when I realised, I was losing you," he admitted in a whisper. "You couldn't even look at me, and I don't blame you."
"I was still angry at you but frustrated at myself."
"Why?" He sounded genuinely curious.
"I obviously didn't help you the way I should have through this tough time. I never offered help like I should have."
"You did try to help. I also never gave you the chance," Roy countered. "I wasn't exactly the most approachable person. We promised we'd look out for each other and I did the exact opposite. I shouldered it all and pushed you both away and to the side in my grief."
Riza couldn't think of anything to reply to that. All her anger had left her now and she was tired. Emotionally and physically. She wanted to put this behind them and move on. There was nothing else that jumped to mind that needed to be discussed, and she felt certain they'd done enough of that for one lifetime.
Now, they could start moving forward.
A short, strangled laugh left Riza's throat as she thought about Maes. He was probably up there screaming about how they were both so stupid and too stubborn for their own good.
"What?" Roy asked, his tone both curious and surprised.
She shook her head, peeling it away from his shoulder. When she looked into his eyes Riza finally felt at peace. "I was just thinking about how Maes is up there yelling about how stupid and stubborn we both are."
Roy blinked at her, then his face relaxed. "He was always right about that. And the fact that I'm a colossal idiot. He's still right about that," he smiled. It was tiny, but it was there.
"But you're my idiot, and I wouldn't trade you for the world." Riza pressed a hand to his cheek. "I couldn't. Who would I tease if you were gone?"
Roy let out a laugh then hugged her tightly after pressing a kiss to her temple. "You're right. Who would keep my sorry ass in line if you weren't here?"
"To be fair, Mia probably could. She's got you wrapped around her little finger."
His laugh was solid this time. "You're right. We'd be eating chocolate with every meal and there would be ice cream for breakfast if she got her way. I'd be huge in size."
They both laughed, smiling fondly. When their eyes met again, their faces softened. Roy lifted a hand to her chin, cupping it and lifting it. She licked her lips in anticipation of a kiss.
"I love you so much, Riza Mustang," he whispered. "I know I can be difficult, and I have a lot of making up to do but know that feeling will never change."
"I just need you," she whispered. "I'm glad you've come back to us."
Roy bent his head, his lips pressing against hers so softly. It was a caring and loving kiss. She'd missed that feeling so much. His hand slowly moved so his palm was cupping her cheek. His fingers moved into the hair by her ear as his thumb stroked her cheekbone lightly. It was gentle and hesitant when Riza needed more. She gripped his shoulders tightly, deepening the kiss and pulling his body closer to hers. The two of them moved together, basking in the love they held for each other.
"I'll always come back to you," he whispered. He pressed his forehead against hers. "Like I said, you ground me. You're the one constant in my life I can count on, so is Mia, but I took advantage of that recently." His head lifted so he met her eyes. "No more."
She smiled at him. It felt like it had been too long since the last she'd done that.
Riza was stirred from her slumber by the ghostly feeling of fingers brushing over her face. She shifted as it tickled her skin, her face brushing against something hard, but warm. Opening her eyes, she saw Roy's well-defined chest directly in her view. Glancing up, she saw her husband smiling down at her. He was propped up on his elbow, which rested atop his pillow, while his head leaned against a closed fist.
"Hey," he murmured, bending his head to kiss her cheek. His fingers abandoned her skin as he did so, but they returned to stroking her face after it. She sighed at his touch, snuggling closer to his body.
"Hello," she sighed as his fingers made her shiver. "I didn't realise I fell asleep."
Roy chuckled. "For about two hours."
Riza's eyes popped open. "Really?" she asked in disbelief.
Nodding, he shifted so he could kiss her head again. "You must have needed it."
After their emotionally charged discussion of what had happened between them, Roy had kissed her softly. Riza wanted – no, needed – more, and dragged him into a deeper kiss, her hands tugging at his t-shirt, trying to get it over his head as quickly as possible. She'd meant it when she said she'd missed him. It wasn't just his presence and his comfort. She'd missed his love too. She was desperate for the emotional connection they shared. Riza needed to reconnect with her husband. The bond between them was something she'd never experienced with anyone else before. It was so intense, Riza was lost without it during their hard time. So, she'd dragged him off to their bedroom and had apparently fallen asleep for two hours after it.
"I suppose I did," she agreed. She let her eyes drift closed as she cuddled back into his side. "And I definitely needed that."
Roy hummed in agreement, bending to kiss her again. "I'm just thankful that was the way things went. It could have gone the opposite."
Riza's eyes opened, her smile slipping from her face. "It could have, but I don't think I could ever leave you, Roy," she admitted. "We agreed we were in this together. Plus, we have the kids." Her stomach fluttered at the plural word.
While he'd made love to her, Roy had cupped her swollen stomach in his hands, kissing the skin and whispering about how much he loved their little one already. He made promises and declared vows against her skin, his lips and breath tickling her stomach.
"We do, and I wouldn't trade them both for the world."
"Neither would I," Riza agreed.
"I can't believe we're having a second one…" A smile spread across his face as he trailed off. "Sometimes I really can't believe how lucky I've been."
"Me too. Who would have thought I would fall in love with the scrawny city boy who appeared on my father's doorstep one day?" she quipped, grinning up at him.
Roy laughed. "Who would have thought the shy, quiet girl who almost made me vomit when she cut the head off a chicken for dinner would fall in love with me?" he retorted. "I'm sure you did that on purpose, just for the shock factor."
"Maybe I did," she teased as they laughed together. "You're the best person in my life, Roy, and always have been. I would never want to lose you."
"I feel the same way," he whispered, dropping his joking tone. He gave her a tight squeeze.
Peace washed over her body, solidifying in her mind that she was extremely loved by this man and he wanted her by his side. Her childish fears would not get in her way today, or in the future. She decided there and then, to actually listen to Roy when he told her how amazing she was, and how much he needed her, rather than smile and nod just to keep the peace. She was worthy of being loved, and she was a good person. She helped him, and that was all she ever wanted.
"I'm glad," she whispered, shifting to press her lips against his.
Roy rolled her onto her back, so he was hovering over her. His knees were on either side of her hips, one hand on the mattress by her shoulder. The other hand lifted to her face, stroking down the side of her face, moving from her temple, down her cheek, to her cup her chin with his thumb and forefinger.
"I love you, Riza," he murmured, lowering his lips to hover just above hers, but not making contact. "So much."
"I love you, Roy. Always have, always will."
They were lost to each other once more under the warmth of their bedsheets.
"Hiya Mummy!" Mia called after they heard the front door to their home open. "Daddy!"
"Shoes off, Mia," Chris commanded before they saw their daughter. There was a brief pause, then she came barrelling into their living room, Hayate hot on her heels. He looked as happy and excited to see them as Mia did, his tail wagging happily while his tongue lolled from his mouth.
"Hello, Mia," Riza greeted.
Roy stood from his place beside Riza on the couch, disentangling himself from Riza's hold. He bent low to scoop Mia up from the floor, twirling her around in place while she giggled happily. Hayate barked at his feet, his paws shifting on the carpet. Riza chuckled at their pup, betting that he probably wanted the same treatment.
"How's my best girl?" Roy asked once he stopped spinning her around. Her body swayed in his arms, her head still spinning, while she giggled again.
"Good!" she exclaimed happily. "We went on the swings, we got some ice cream, we played fetch with Hayate and he jumped in the pond after his stick," she giggled, leaning over her father's arms to look down at their dog. As soon as Hayate saw Mia's eyes on him, his tail wagged happily once more.
Mia continued to regale Roy with everything they did that day, and it sounded like a lot.
Chris approached Riza, one eyebrow lifted. Riza knew already what her question was.
"We're good," Riza told her with a smile, her eyes drifting back to Roy as he began to exclaim his surprise at what they did today, overexaggerating his tone and disbelief.
"I knew you would be," Chris replied. "But that stuff still needs to be figured out. I saw how much what had happened was affecting him, and I could see it was beginning to tear you both apart."
Riza felt her stomach twist uncomfortably, knowing that people had noticed their marital problems. However, what was done was done, and they'd made their way through it. That was what mattered.
"I'm glad you worked it out," Chris added, offering Riza one of her rare, small smiles. "Otherwise I would have smacked him upside the head for being so stupid to push you away."
"Thank you, Chris," Riza replied, genuinely.
"Don't mention it," Chris replied, her tone gruff.
Riza smiled, noticing how she looked slightly uncomfortable with the gratitude. Despite being Roy's mother, she still supported Riza wholeheartedly, and that was appreciated. In the past, her father had always taken Roy's side, even going so far as blaming Roy's failings or lack of progress on her, stating she was distracting him. It was nice to have a parental figure's support once in her life.
Chris' tone softened when Mia squealed loudly as Roy began to tickle her, not letting her escape from his hold. "I'd do anything for you both, you know that."
A proud smile spread across Riza's face. "I do. Thank you."
"And for that little girl," Chris added. "Even if she does run me off my feet all the time."
Riza chuckled. "She's well known for that."
"Honestly, it was every five minutes. She's always on the move."
"Tell me about it. I used to look away for one second when she was a baby and she'd managed to crawl across the room to pick something up to put in her mouth. I needed another set of eyes." Riza laughed fondly at the memory.
"Come on, Hayate!" Mia beckoned her friend loudly, leaving the room. They both ran up the stairs hurriedly, and Riza noticed she wasn't limping.
"She's going to get changed because she's "all sweaty"," Roy explained, adding in air quotes.
"I'm not surprised," Chris snorted. "She ran about all day. I couldn't get her to sit still for her lunch."
Roy laughed, slinging his arm around Riza's shoulders, then pressing a kiss to her temple. "Thank you for looking after her today," he added, his tone sincere. "We really appreciate it."
"Of course," Chris stated, as if it were obvious she would. "I'd do anything for you two. Even if it means I end up in a heap by the end of the day because she's run me ragged," Chris added, jerking her thumb over her shoulder, motioning to Mia. Then, Chris narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm glad to see things turned out for the best."
"They did," Roy replied, but his tone was slightly solemn.
"Good, because I would have killed you, Roy Boy, for letting this one go."
Riza blushed lightly at the compliment while Roy chuckled beside her, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Part of her was so close to opening her mouth to protest, but then she remembered her promise to herself earlier in the day. She was good enough. She was worthy of their love and support.
"She definitely is," Roy grinned, pressing another kiss to Riza's temple.