Chapter 26: Lily's Thoughts & Petunia's Actions

Petunia was always more unpleasantly shocked by magic than she liked to admit. The weather where they had camped was beautiful. Partly had to do with Lily's good mood. On their fourth day of camping, their last night before they had to go home. Lily took Petunia to the middle of the forest and forced her to breathe. Primal magic, more specifically weather magic came easily to Lily.

A connection to the world around her was something that Lily had tried to cultivate growing up. She often found herself not getting along with people because of it. Yes, she had friends but she tried to keep that part of her quiet. The part that spent too many hours in the restricted section of the library, skimming through books about the kind of magic that they didn't teach at Hogwarts.

At Hogwarts magic was either light or dark. There were no grey areas of spells or potions. Petunia's education with Eileen wasn't like that though. To Petunia magic was a toolbox and while not every tool could be used in all situations there was always a way to tailor it the quickest.

So they did, camped on in the middle of a mossy area. They hadn't showered yet and sat across from each other to simply breathe. Petunia felt cold before the air around them got warmer and heavier. Lily looked at peace and it made Petunia wonder if her sister was really ok with Hogwarts.

Lily wrote often, but she also wrote about nothing at the same time. Petunia had seen the Hogwart's syllabus and in order to brew potions for St Mungo's she had, had to take both the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s for Potions. There was such a heavy focus on how to be responsible magic practitioners but little to no guidance was given on how magic actually worked.

To Lily magic was more than just waving her wand, it was something she connected with deeply. Apart from her sister, it was the one thing in her life that had been certain. There were reserves of it within her, some of it dependent on other things, but growing up it was one of the few things that made her an individual. Teacher's hadn't liked her much growing up and the people around her apart from Sev (God it hurt to think about him) were pretty much terrible to her.

Then Severus called her a 'witch' and it seemed that all at once her life changed. She didn't really care what people called her or what they thought of her because she was a "witch" there was something special about her that wasn't her red hair or green eyes.

Lily identified more with magic when it was left wild. The order and structure of potions and runes were something that she could do, sometimes she did it well enough to scrape a good enough mark to progress. But anyone who knew her knew that she hadn't made an "O" in a single O.W.L and many of her other subjects had been low E's. Lower than Petunia's marks at school ever been. Not that her parents understood much of what she was studying or why she studied it.

The only subject Lily felt like she had understood throughout her Hogwarts career was Potions along with Charms. She always heard Eileen's voice at the back of her head, correcting her in all the ways that weren't too kind or gentle, but made her better at Potions. That's when it hit her, walking in the middle of nowhere really, as Petunia harvested a mushroom of some sort. Magic could have chosen either of them. They were both equally invested in it.

Petunia would have left magic a long time ago if there was nothing in it for her. That scared Lily to think how easily she would leave the wizarding world should she have had enough of it. The impossible standards. That was what she thought of as she flew home that night. Petunia followed by a bike and together they froze their bodies from how fast they were going.

Their mother said nothing as they climbed into their childhood bedrooms. Or not really. Petunia had to stop herself from screaming in absolute shock when she found Severus in her bed. He looked up at her, eyes groggy but definitely judging her biking leathers.

"Move up, " Petunia said too tired to even fight him. She would deal with him in the morning even if she didn't want to.

She flopped next to him and made him the small spoon. With Severus, it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission, that included a lot of platonic physical contact. Lily might not like Severus anymore, but that did not absolve the rest of the family from being there for him. Not when he was the only child that their mother really liked.

The next morning it was like a tornado had entered the house. Lily did Severus' tie without saying a word to him, as Petunia pulled back Jean's hair as if she was going for a school interview. Mugs were everywhere and it was too early in the morning to even think. Mrs Evans yelled for them to stop playing heathen music.

"What if they hate me?" Jean asked.

"Then they hate you and he still loves you," Petunia was not about to give Jean false hope about Darren's family. "He isn't going to leave you for them. You don't have to pretend for them and if you don't want to meet them, you're welcome to stay by us, promise."

Petunia meant it. This earnestness was not new but it was good to remind Jean that she was loved beyond mention. That Petunia loved Jean beyond measure, a lot of people think that it was going too fast for Petunia to be saying things like that, but she had known Jean longer than Darren had. As much as she cared about them both, in a situation where she had to choose someone to hurt, she would always choose Darren.

She kissed the top of Jean's head before gently nudging her to at least drink some tea. The service would be long, at least it felt long to her. Petunia vaguely saw through the glamours of the books Severus and Lily were smuggling into church hidden in Bible dust-covers. Petunia wanted to judge but for her silence, Lily slipped her a copy of the book she had been looking for about werewolves and how to subdue them.

Good Friday felt like a solemn occasion. Jean sat with Darren's family and Petunia dared Darren to made a wrong move. Mr Ross did a reading, followed by her father and then Tobias, who looked shocked that Severus was there sitting in church with them. It was clear to see that the relationship between father and son was headed into incredibly hostile waters.

"Don't you dare do something stupid," Petunia threatened Severus as she went up to do the next reading.

If one asked Petunia later why she said that, she wouldn't have had an answer. But this was Severus and his "something stupid" tended to have unpleasant results. Ever since they had turned of age neither Lily nor Severus went anywhere without their wand. That action had Petunia on edge, there was no indication that this was done to protect or to guide. She half expected a full out pub brawl to break out between the two. They couldn't stand the sight of each other and were forced to get along.

The service dragged on and at one-point Clara moved outside with her son and made Petunia hold the baby while she smoked. When the service finally came to an end, they were all beyond done with the day and its ordeals. Petunia took Jean's arm and made sure she made small talk with Darren's family. There was a lot that the family would pick apart when looking at Jean so the least she could do was be polite, even if she hated it.

None of it made a whole lot of sense. Sense and direction were two things that Petunia felt like she was lacking. She thought over it a lot as she walked over to Spinner's End. Tobias would probably be alone and he never really had a lot of family from what Petunia could tell. She knew she should have tried harder to be there for him when he gave her a big smile as she walked through the door. The house looked clean enough, but a lot of things had changed too. It looked sadder, a far cry from the place that taught her how to make her first potions or where she spent hours pouring over homework.

It did not feel like home without Eileen and for that Petunia had a lot of regrets. She couldn't keep the promises she was making and it seemed like people wanted her to make more.

"Are you happy?" Tobias asked as they settled down at the kitchen table.

Petunia smiled. "It's been ok. I'm working at the Grunnings factory, but I miss the one here. There are new machines and I've moved on from the hospital."

"So I'm assuming you're keeping track of what's been happening."

Petunia nodded. There would be a meeting after Easter on it before the school year ended. There were rumours in the air that Wizgamot was trying to phase out the use of muggle and squib potion brewers. Scratch that, it was not a rumour but rather fact. The thought of it filled Petunia with anger. None of the wizards she had worked with had an ounce of competence or logic to keep a system running.

"They are not going to survive without us, they haven't before and they are not going to start now," Petunia said with certainty.

Tobias chuckled, in a way that indicated that he thought she was being childish. That offended her.

"They never see us as equals. To them we are as unworthy as ants," Tobias said.

Petunia had never seen it as anything other than she was worthy. Lily had everything the world could offer, at least in her eyes that what it looked like. From the moment that Dumbledore sent her that letter of rejection Petunia knew she would never have Magic the way Lily did. But Petunia did have potions. She had potions in a way few wizards either did.

This was an area of life where she knew she was talented. Eileen would not have stuck with her had she not been. It wasn't superstition. They were not able to steal magic, even if they were, Magic only treated those well who treated her kindly. There was a war coming and this war seemed to only want to silence those who didn't have the ability to stand up for themselves.

"So are you saying I should leave the project?" Petunia wanted a truthful answer from the only person who had been truthful to her when things needed to be said.

"All I am saying is that you need to re-evaluate your loyalty to them. Don't be pathetic dear, I'm sure I raised you better than that."