Chapter 31
Gibbs could see Tim finally giving in to his obvious exhaustion. He looked back at Zahara in the rearview mirror and caught her eye. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and then leaned her head on Tim's.
"Are you sure you want to go home, Zahara?" Gibbs asked in a low voice.
"Yes," she whispered. "Even if he must go somewhere else after, tonight, he must be with his family. No matter what else happens."
"All right." He looked at Levi who was sitting very still, his eyes closed. "And you, Carew?"
It seemed almost a struggle for Levi to open his eyes, but he smiled.
"I promised I'd go back to the hospital. So, I'll go back, Agent Gibbs."
"Are you going to make it there?"
The smile widened.
"Oh, yes. I promised. If I didn't, I'd have lied to my wife." Levi took a deep breath. "Can't have that, Agent Gibbs. I've already told my allowed lie."
"For the day?"
Levi closed his eyes again and shook his head.
"Oh, no. For my life. It's a lie I told more than 20 years ago. I felt guilty even about that one. I promised not to lie."
"To who?"
"My mother," Levi said. "And now, I'd like to rest, if you don't mind."
"Nope."
"Thank you."
Levi stilled once more, breathing deeply.
As he drove, Gibbs found himself thinking more and more about Levi Carew, who he was and what guided his actions. This whole experience had shown him something of what must have led to Tim's forgiving Levi. He was determined to do what he decided was necessary, no matter the cost, even his own health. He enjoyed pushing people's buttons but he also would do what he said he'd do. And he was intelligent, disconcertingly so at times. Gibbs actually thought that, if it weren't for how everything had started, he might have actually liked Levi himself.
The drive was mostly silent. Once, Tim started twitching and Zahara spoke in low tones and calmed him down again. Gibbs was impressed by how quickly she had accepted Tim's breakdown. She didn't like it. She found it heartbreaking, but she accepted it and stepped into the role that was needed. Gibbs hadn't been sure how she would take it, but she couldn't have done any better. Actually, if it wasn't for her pregnancy and taking care of Salma, Gibbs was sure that Zahara would have been intimately involved in every aspect of finding her husband.
When they arrived at Tim and Zahara's building, Gibbs stopped the car and looked back. Zahara nodded and then began to gently awaken Tim from his sleep.
"Tim, we are home. Wake up."
It took a few tries, but eventually, Tim's eyes opened and he looked around blearily.
"Where are we?" he mumbled.
"We are home. Come."
Then, he really woke up and he tensed.
"I don't know about this," he said. "I don't... I shouldn't..."
"Yes, you should. Tonight, you will be here and tomorrow, we will talk to Dr. Hicks and decide what comes next. Do not think about anything else, Tim."
"Do you need any help?" Gibbs asked.
"No. We will be fine," Zahara said. "Thank you."
And Gibbs heard how much she meant those simple words. He watched as Zahara opened the door and pulled Tim out with her. She put her arm around his waist, keeping in contact with him at all times as they walked into the building together. If Tim could be kept there with his family, he'd be fine. ...but what if he left again?
"Carew," he said, wondering if Levi would even respond.
Levi opened his eyes.
"Yes?"
"You think he'll try to leave again?"
Wearily, Levi shook his head.
"No. Isolation might occur in other ways but not physically. And even if I'm wrong, you can bet that the CIA guards are back in position."
"They weren't before."
"No, but it's been hours. As soon as he realized that he'd been too slow, Roy would have immediately taken steps to fix that. You could probably spot them if you wanted to look, but I'd rather get back to the hospital if you don't mind."
"Didn't think you wanted to be there."
Then, Levi smiled in a very different way. Gibbs wasn't quite sure of what emotion was driving it.
"That's where my wife is. So that's where I want to be."
Then, he closed his eyes again and didn't speak until they got to the hospital. When they arrived, Gibbs parked and wondered whether or not Levi would actually make it inside.
For a few seconds, Levi didn't even move. Then, he put the seat upright and took a breath, clearly preparing himself. Well, whether he could make it or not, it seemed ridiculous to just let him struggle. Gibbs opened his mouth to ask if he needed the help.
...but Levi beat him to speaking.
"Agent Gibbs, I'm not sure I'll make it into the hospital," he said. "I know you're not excited about being in close contact with me, but just until I could get to a nurse or someone who can help me to my room."
"I'll get you to your room," Gibbs said.
"I appreciate it," Levi said.
Gibbs got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. Levi managed to get himself out of the car, but he leaned on Gibbs heavily as they walked into the hospital. There was no conversation, mostly because Levi seemed to need all his breath for the walk. When they reached his room, the door was open and, to Gibbs' surprise, Tamara was there. Levi's smile was one slightly tinged with relief.
"Levi," Tamara said, standing up. "You said you wouldn't overdo it."
"I was sitting most of the time. I just got worked up," Levi said. "Couldn't help it."
Tamara looked exasperated, but she also smiled knowingly. She obviously understood her husband extremely well.
"I'll tell Dr. Owens that you're here. Agent Gibbs, if you could get him back on the bed?"
"Yes, ma'am," Gibbs said.
Tamara left the room and Gibbs helped Levi to the bed. He lay down and looked exhausted by the effort.
"So what is it that's actually wrong with you?" Gibbs asked.
"Heart failure," Levi said, in a whisper. "There are drugs that help it, but the only thing that could cure it is a new heart. What they did to me would have killed me in another day or two, and I'm too old to... be able to heal. When I overdo it, my heart can't keep up anymore. It gets harder to do things, but I'll be back to my new normal in a few days."
"Try a week or two, Levi."
Gibbs turned and saw Tamara and Levi's doctor.
"We'll see," Levi said and smiled a little. "I'll surprise you."
"You usually do."
"Do you need anything else?" Gibbs asked.
Levi actually looked surprised at the question. Gibbs didn't blame him. This was probably the least antagonistic anyone from NCIS had ever been to him.
"Let me know... how Tim is doing. That's all."
"I will...or he will himself."
Levi smiled. "Maybe."
Then, Gibbs nodded at Tamara and excused himself. It was really late, almost midnight after all the driving, but he wasn't at all tired. He pulled out his phone and dialed Tony's number.
Straight to voicemail.
Part of Gibbs wanted to go over to Tony's place and ream him for walking away right at this moment. It seemed like such a waste to make through the entire search and the rescue and then to decide it was too much. At the same time, he knew that Tony had been struggling all through this and if, when the physical danger was past, he lost his struggle, Gibbs couldn't fully blame him.
But it still needed to be addressed somehow.
He dialed the number again, and left a message this time.
"Tony, we need to talk. When you're ready."
Then, he hung up.
That was all he could do for now.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim could feel himself shaking. He was more afraid of being with his family than he had been at the house.
He was afraid of what he would do to the people he loved.
"Tim, it is all right," Zahara said.
"I don't think it is," he said. "Zahara, I just..."
Her arm tightened around his waist.
"No, Tim. You will be fine. If you aren't tonight, that is fine. You will be. And now, your parents are here and worried about you. Your daughter has missed you. And I will be here through all of it. Tomorrow, we will talk to Dr. Hicks."
"I still feel it," he said. "I still am... this is poisonous, Zahara."
"No, Tim. Even if you are angry now, it is not something that will hurt us. It only hurts you, and we'll figure out how to help you so that you don't hurt, either."
They got up to their apartment and Tim felt himself slowing down. He also felt Zahara urging him onward. His parents had never seen him like this before. He had taken great pains to hide his lows from them.
"They love you, Tim. I love you. Salma loves you. Don't be afraid."
"I'm not afraid for myself. I'm afraid for you."
"Then, don't be afraid at all. We will be fine."
They were at the door. Tim could feel his tension increasing. He knew Zahara could as well. This time, she said nothing. She just unlocked the door and forced him inside.
He saw his parents sitting on the couch, Salma asleep on Naomi's lap. Tim wanted to run away to keep from destroying this beautiful, peaceful scene. He wanted to make sure that nothing ugly ever touched them. And he was ugly right now. He was even more tense.
Then, Naomi looked up and she smiled with relief.
"Tim," she said softly.
Carefully, she shifted Salma onto the couch and then she stood and was over to him before Tim could back away. She grabbed hold of him and hugged him tightly.
"I'm so glad you're safe," she whispered. "I don't care what else there is. If you're safe, you can work on the rest of it."
"I want to kill them, Mom," Tim whispered. "I can picture it all in my head."
"I want to kill them, too, for what they did to you."
"But I might do it...if it would keep this from happening again. I'd do anything," Tim said.
"It doesn't matter, Tim. Right now, all that matters is that you're safe. You're with your family and you have no reason to hide from us. Never."
Then, she let him go and he couldn't detect any distress in her expression.
"You must be so tired, Tim," Naomi said.
"I don't want to sleep," Tim said, shaking his head, even as he trembled with weariness.
"You need to, Tim," Sam said from his position beside Salma on the couch. "You know you do."
"It'll make it worse," Tim said.
"No," Zahara said. "It will be better. I got the sleeping pills that the doctor prescribed. You will take them and sleep, and I will be with you."
Tim shook his head again.
"Yes. Come, Tim. If Salma is sleeping now, we won't wake her. You will come to bed and sleep."
Zahara put her arm around his waist again and firmly pulled him to the bedroom. She forced him to change his clothes, put on his pajamas and then take the sleeping pills. She put the hamza around his neck and then led him to bed.
Tim was resisting, even as he felt tired. He was so afraid of what would happen when he slept. He didn't want the dreams. He was afraid of the anger taking over. He didn't want that either.
But he was so tired.
"I can't do this, Zahara. I just can't," he whispered, his voice shaking.
"I know, Tim. That is why I am here to help you."
Tim shook his head, but Zahara urged him to lay down. She got into bed with him and began to massage his back. She hummed softly, just snatches of different songs.
He could tell that the pills were kicking in as he began to feel dramatically more tired, but he still resisted the sleep he knew he needed.
"I love you, Tim," Zahara said softly. "No matter what. I love you."
That got to him and Tim rolled over to face her.
"I can't lose you," he said and began to cry again.
He held her in his arms and cried. He cried for what he had lost. He cried for the pain. He cried for Ray's death. He cried for the struggles. He just couldn't stop.
And Zahara was there all through it. She was right there, and finally, the fog of the sleeping pills took over and Tim fell asleep, still crying.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Zahara felt like crying herself as Tim continued to shudder under the weight, even after he fell asleep. She could never have guessed that this would happen to her husband. Even the nightmares he'd had before had not prepared her for this level of anguish. She wanted to take all his pain away, but she knew that it was impossible.
The baby began to kick in response to her own tension and Zahara tried to calm herself for the baby's sake. The last thing they would need right now was for their son to be born early. She stroked her belly.
Stay where you are, she said silently. We are not ready for you yet. Give us a few more weeks.
After a minute or two, the baby calmed.
What would Tim need most? She had not really understood how fragile Tim could be when it came to this part of his life. He had always seemed so strong. What had they done to him that he was reduced to this fearful, shuddering shell of himself? And what could be done about it?
But they had time. No matter what else, they had time. Tim was safe. He was home, and together, they would find out what needed to be done.
Tim twitched in his sleep and moaned a little. Zahara took his hand and stroked it, whispering softly.
"I am here, Tim. You are safe."
That was all that mattered.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tamara watched as Levi slept. As soon as the IV was in, and he'd eaten, he had fallen asleep, holding her hand. It was so hard to see him struggle like this. And yet, at the same time, Levi was so much happier in general that she couldn't fully regret the physical weakness he now faced. She never told him that because she knew how much he hated being held back by his body when his mind was fully-functional. But she had always loved Levi Carew and he was back with her in a way that she had begun to think could never be.
So even as he slept in a hospital bed because the slightest things could wear him out and he'd overdone it, she was happy. If her family was still a little shaky, she still had the time that she needed to help them all get on solid ground.
Tamara leaned over and kissed Levi on the forehead. Then, she smiled.
After another hour, the door opened. Tamara had almost been asleep herself, but she woke up.
Bri came in and sat down on the other side of the bed without a word spoken.
Even if things weren't perfect, Tamara would take what she could get. And even if it was in a hospital room, her family was together.
That was enough.